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Gay Youth Chronicles Complete Chronology #10
Someone Is Watching
Someone Is Watching. Someone Knows. It was a nightmare come true for seventeen-year-old Ethan. It's hard hiding a secret. It's even harder keeping that secret when someone else knows. Who is the mysterious note-writer, the secret tormentor? Who is the enemy that hides among Ethan's friends and teammates? Who holds Ethan's secret over his head, threatening to destroy his entire world? Someone Is Watching is the story of a young high school wrestler that must come to grips with being gay. He struggles first with himself, then with an unknown classmate that hounds his every step. While struggling to discover the identity of his tormentor, Ethan must discover his own identity and learn to live his life as his true self. In the end he is faced with a terrible decision. He must give up what he wants the most, or face his greatest fear of all.
286 pages, Paperback
First published May 4, 1999
15 people are currently reading
898 people want to read
About the author
Mark A. Roeder
99 books211 followersMark A. Roeder grew up in southern Indiana - near a small town similar to those that appear in his novels.
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
September 5, 2010
Five stars aren't enough for this book. A beautiful story with the most realistic characters I’ve ever read about in a M/M novel.
I love the Dedication and Preface of this book! Look:
Dedication
This book is dedicated to all boys who struggle to be true to themselves.
Preface
I wrote Someone Is Watching because of the many gay boys out there who have such a hard time dealing with their homosexuality. I believe that it helps to see how others have handled the situation. fiction allows us to explore who we are, especially when the characters are "real."
In my novels I strive to leave behind homosexual stereotypes and feature characters that are realistic. Someone Is Watching is the story of a struggle with a secret tormentor, but it's even more about a boys struggle with himself. It is these inner battles that are the most difficult and all of us must face them. I think every gay boy can identify with Ethan and his struggle. There is a little of him in all of us.
I'm now providing this ebook version free of charge because I realize many of who would like to read this book cannot afford to purchase a copy. Writers such as myself know all about living on a limited budget. Please feel free to distribute copies of Someone Is Watching (under the terms of the license at the beginning of the book.)
I love the Dedication and Preface of this book! Look:
Dedication
This book is dedicated to all boys who struggle to be true to themselves.
Preface
I wrote Someone Is Watching because of the many gay boys out there who have such a hard time dealing with their homosexuality. I believe that it helps to see how others have handled the situation. fiction allows us to explore who we are, especially when the characters are "real."
In my novels I strive to leave behind homosexual stereotypes and feature characters that are realistic. Someone Is Watching is the story of a struggle with a secret tormentor, but it's even more about a boys struggle with himself. It is these inner battles that are the most difficult and all of us must face them. I think every gay boy can identify with Ethan and his struggle. There is a little of him in all of us.
I'm now providing this ebook version free of charge because I realize many of who would like to read this book cannot afford to purchase a copy. Writers such as myself know all about living on a limited budget. Please feel free to distribute copies of Someone Is Watching (under the terms of the license at the beginning of the book.)
March 28, 2025
Ethan is a mid-western farm boy and a high-school athlete with a secret. He’s gay. Orphaned after his parents died in an auto crash, Ethan is living with his taciturn no-nonsense uncle. It’s 1980, and it’s rural Indiana, and yet, Ethan finds himself enthralled by the bodies of his fellow athletes, and in particular by his friend Jon.
While struggling to keep his secret, he also deals with his growing awareness of Nathan, a slightly younger boy that his uncle has hired to help around the farm. Nathan comes from a very poor family with troubles of his own and looks up to the slightly older, much more self-assured Ethan immensely.
This is a tale of coming out and coming to terms. Others have criticized this book for repeating some themes over and over, but I found this very realistic. The prose clearly mimics the “hamster on a wheel” like thought process that goes through many young guys’ minds. Having grown up in a small Midwest town where most of the school athletes were also farmers, I found this depiction to be very accurate.
Having the same fears over and over was quite common. At the time these differences between myself and the other boys seemed overwhelmingly large and I only wish I’d had the courage to handle them as well as Ethan does. Perhaps I needed a better writer…
The author Mark Roeder, grew up in rural Indiana so this setting and this time rings very true with me. The characters in this are well-drawn, sympathetic, and believable. This was the first Roeder book that I read and I was hooked. Though his style isn’t as polished as many of the other writers I’ve read, I identify strongly with these characters and their struggles. Most of the characters are good at heart, and the central romance here kind of creeps up on you until you can’t believe that the main character doesn’t see it himself.
The characters here are mostly teenagers and there are some sexual scenes. But they are mostly fade-to-black and pretty modest by today’s standards.
These tales aren’t for everyone, but if honest tales of M/M romance, and coming out in a somewhat earlier time appeal to you, you could do worse than try this one. It may be a bit unpolished, but it’s a diamond in the rough.
Note: The cover shown above is from my beloved paperback copy of this book. This author has yet to find what I consider to be the “right” cover for this book. The current copy features a different stock image.
Always thought something like this would make a better cover for this
While struggling to keep his secret, he also deals with his growing awareness of Nathan, a slightly younger boy that his uncle has hired to help around the farm. Nathan comes from a very poor family with troubles of his own and looks up to the slightly older, much more self-assured Ethan immensely.
This is a tale of coming out and coming to terms. Others have criticized this book for repeating some themes over and over, but I found this very realistic. The prose clearly mimics the “hamster on a wheel” like thought process that goes through many young guys’ minds. Having grown up in a small Midwest town where most of the school athletes were also farmers, I found this depiction to be very accurate.
Having the same fears over and over was quite common. At the time these differences between myself and the other boys seemed overwhelmingly large and I only wish I’d had the courage to handle them as well as Ethan does. Perhaps I needed a better writer…
The author Mark Roeder, grew up in rural Indiana so this setting and this time rings very true with me. The characters in this are well-drawn, sympathetic, and believable. This was the first Roeder book that I read and I was hooked. Though his style isn’t as polished as many of the other writers I’ve read, I identify strongly with these characters and their struggles. Most of the characters are good at heart, and the central romance here kind of creeps up on you until you can’t believe that the main character doesn’t see it himself.
The characters here are mostly teenagers and there are some sexual scenes. But they are mostly fade-to-black and pretty modest by today’s standards.
These tales aren’t for everyone, but if honest tales of M/M romance, and coming out in a somewhat earlier time appeal to you, you could do worse than try this one. It may be a bit unpolished, but it’s a diamond in the rough.
Note: The cover shown above is from my beloved paperback copy of this book. This author has yet to find what I consider to be the “right” cover for this book. The current copy features a different stock image.
Always thought something like this would make a better cover for this
January 2, 2011
I was in doubt whether to give this a 3 or 4 star rating but I decided to bump it up to 4.
Someone Is Watching is the tale of Ethan, living in small town Verona in the Midwest, coming to terms with himself being gay. He battles his denial, his love for his straight best friend and a mysterious blackmailer, who's out to make his world a bigger hell than it already is.
The story was written from Ethan's perspective, a seventeen year old boy. My problem was that the phrasing in some passages was very much unlike how a teenager would speak or think. I also very much doubt a seventeen year old would describe his own body as 'young and firm'. Most of us only appreciate that 'youthful firmness' after it's long gone.
Another peeve was the fact that there was a lot of repetition in the book. Ethan tells us the same things over and over again, sometimes multiple times in one passage.
This all being said: the book left an impression. The issues dealt with are very serious and real and -eventhough there is a lot of fluff in the book- there is some raw ugliness in there. I was scared, outraged and cried my eyes out at certain parts.
Not perfect by far, but very impressive nonetheless. A true lesson about the dangers of intolerance and hatred- and the beauty of love.
4 stars
Someone Is Watching is the tale of Ethan, living in small town Verona in the Midwest, coming to terms with himself being gay. He battles his denial, his love for his straight best friend and a mysterious blackmailer, who's out to make his world a bigger hell than it already is.
The story was written from Ethan's perspective, a seventeen year old boy. My problem was that the phrasing in some passages was very much unlike how a teenager would speak or think. I also very much doubt a seventeen year old would describe his own body as 'young and firm'. Most of us only appreciate that 'youthful firmness' after it's long gone.
Another peeve was the fact that there was a lot of repetition in the book. Ethan tells us the same things over and over again, sometimes multiple times in one passage.
This all being said: the book left an impression. The issues dealt with are very serious and real and -eventhough there is a lot of fluff in the book- there is some raw ugliness in there. I was scared, outraged and cried my eyes out at certain parts.
Not perfect by far, but very impressive nonetheless. A true lesson about the dangers of intolerance and hatred- and the beauty of love.
4 stars
October 4, 2010
This is a book that stays with you for a while.
At the beginning I couldn't stop thinking that it sounded almost too simple, too bare, but it must sound this way. The narrator is Ethan, a 17-year-old wrestler who is trying to understand the strange feelings he has for his best friend. He's young, he's not dressing his emotions, he strips his soul to the tiniest pieces, therefore the writing is almost elementary and basic.
We get to know Ethan's thoughts, doubts and fears. We have a seat in the front row of his life, and it's an uncomfortable seat. He realizes he's not like the other boys he knows, because he likes boys. He falls in love with his best friend and he knows he could face rejection, if not hatred. He's threatened by someone he can't identify and he lives with the terror of being exposed and becoming an outcast.
I can't say much more. At times it was almost unbearable, but at least it was not hopeless. There was violence but also tenderness. Ethan's battle with himself and with what surrounds him is really a battle worth of being known, so that those who face the same situation can derive inspiration and comfort from it. It's also for those of us who may find themselves in places where they can provide help and understanding.
At the beginning I couldn't stop thinking that it sounded almost too simple, too bare, but it must sound this way. The narrator is Ethan, a 17-year-old wrestler who is trying to understand the strange feelings he has for his best friend. He's young, he's not dressing his emotions, he strips his soul to the tiniest pieces, therefore the writing is almost elementary and basic.
We get to know Ethan's thoughts, doubts and fears. We have a seat in the front row of his life, and it's an uncomfortable seat. He realizes he's not like the other boys he knows, because he likes boys. He falls in love with his best friend and he knows he could face rejection, if not hatred. He's threatened by someone he can't identify and he lives with the terror of being exposed and becoming an outcast.
I can't say much more. At times it was almost unbearable, but at least it was not hopeless. There was violence but also tenderness. Ethan's battle with himself and with what surrounds him is really a battle worth of being known, so that those who face the same situation can derive inspiration and comfort from it. It's also for those of us who may find themselves in places where they can provide help and understanding.
March 13, 2013
So I was expecting this book to arrive Thursday (April 7th, 2011), but it came a day early! Yay! *grabby hands* I have every intention of starting it tonight and reading as much as I can before Friday (which is when I'm expecting to get Cassandra Clare's new book City of Fallen Angels, and the world will literally stop spinning in my life while I'm reading it) – So, today, April 6th, 2011 is when I'm starting Someone Is Watching…
…more later, after I actually start reading.
I didn't think 'tonight' actually meant tonight. x.x;; But, here I am at 10pm just getting ready to start reading (I'm settling for one chapter tonight since I've got writing of my own to do) the book. It's been torture waiting for the downtime to come along to actually read. Ugh! I hate waiting!!
I just have to say, yes after two pages into the book, but as I was saying…
My eldest nephew is on the wrestling team in high school (my brother was as well when he was in high school) and I was lucky enough to see a tournament (though I couldn't see my nephew wrestle…which sucks *pouts*). It's nice having a visual with the description of the match between Zac and Ethan.
Enter Uncle Jack! And after confirmation from Olivia (cause I'm lucky to remember my own name half the time, much less characters in a book), I did a little dance. The dance I do when I run across a previous (or future as it were) character in the series. Back to reading now, seriously, lol…
Can't afford to keep getting distracted by characters, and oh hell…someone I don't want to talk to just IMed me. *groans*
Ah-ha! Hello, Nathan! And, really, he was just introduced (not really, only mentioned, but still) and already there's hinting of an obvious crush. "…hanging on my every word, taking it as gospel." – Dead giveaway.
You know, I'm seven pages in already…and if I hadn't known before, I'd have no idea that Ethan was gay. I wonder if Mark did that on purpose or if the story just worked out like that. So I'm loving the interaction between Ethan and Nathan, it's really sweet and innocent. Nathan's fucking adorable.
I'm at page 30, reading Ethan's description of Jon…and his body. Is it just me or does it seem like Ethan has no idea he's attracted to guys. Interesting. Surely so. I can't wait to find out if he realizes it or not, but I don't think he does.
Chapter Two and I can't stop, but I've got to. It's past midnight and I've got fanfiction to write. I'll put in some reading time tomorrow before City of Fallen Angels gets here on Friday. I sincerely can't wait to read more!!
Read Chapter Two this morning, Ethan's first date, and now I'm positive that he doesn't realize he's gay. It's either that, or he's so far in denial that it isn't even funny. I'll stick with him not realizing it. I wonder how things will go with Kim in the long run; if they'll stay together or what.
I know Jon's straight from Soccer Field, but I can't help but to smile at Ethan admiration of him. It's more than obvious that he has a crush on Jon, I just wonder how long it'll take for him to slip up and Jon find out. I have a feeling I'm about to find out, because skinny dipping with a boy you have a crush on…?
Yeah, something's going to happen. I just know it. But moving away from that for a moment, I already know that Ethan gets with Nathan (that's what happens when you read out of order, right? lol), but now I'm wondering how that comes to be. I've got the sneaking suspicion that Nathan's got a crush on Ethan, but so far…I don't think Ethan neither realizes it or returns his feelings. So, how do they get from point A to point B? Only one way to find out…
*reads on*
How Ethan managed not to pop a woody while wrestling naked with Jon, I'll never know. But I'm relieved that Jon didn't notice anything. Something like that, I think, could ruin a friendship. But Jon was understanding with Mark and Taylor, he'd obviously be okay with Ethan…once Ethan realized he was gay, I mean. lol.
Either ways, fate must be smiling on me today because City of Fallen Angels got here a day early, but I think I'll wait to start it until my best friend gets her copy. That way I won't spoil the story while I'm fangirling over it. lol.
Oh my, I wonder who wrote that note. It's most annoying because I hate surprises. Really. I can't, for the life of me, figure out who'd do it. Or how they'd find out. It's not like Ethan was broadcasting it, hell he didn't even realize it himself (though I'm sure it's beginning to dawn on him, especially after the Sunday with Jon). I'm starting to wonder if it's maybe Devon, but that seems like a long shot since he hasn't even been mentioned in the book yet.
This is a nice, little mystery we've got here and it's already driving me nuts. *siiiiigh*
So, I'm thinking this book started before Taylor got there. I probably ought to have realized that…but, I kinda don't pay attention to dates. Mark was mentioned and I'm like, where's Taylor? Still waiting for Taylor. What's going on? Why's no one talking about the new boy…?
But, alas, the trip to the Graymoor Mansion tipped me off. I remember that trip being mentioned in Soccer Field and it happened -before- Taylor got there.
Movie date with Kim and through some fantasy work, Ethan is realizing that Kim -can- excite him. Interesting. I wonder if he'll turn out to be bi like Taylor was, or what. Guess it's time to read on to get answers to my questions!
Well! Questioned answered a few pages later after Zac's party! Wow! It all makes sense now, though I kinda expected it to work out the way it did. He forced himself to go through with it to prove to himself that he could do it, but in the end it was his fantasies about Jon that kept it going. I wonder how he'll react to this, how he'll cope with knowing a woman doesn't do it for him.
Will he continue dating Kim while he figures things out? Will she catch on? And, holy hell, when will I find out who's writing those notes! Gr!!
I'm at least glad that he felt bad about losing his virginity to someone he didn't love, how he felt robbed and mentioned how he felt like he had used Kim. I still don't know what's going to happen between him and Kim though. I just hope it's nothing too bad, like she finds out and blabs to the whole school. *siiiigh*
He finally realizes it. He finally recognizes the fact that he's gay. Gay and in love with his best friend. So maybe I under estimated his feelings for Jon, but you know what, I think Ethan did too simply because he didn't allow himself to believe that he could love Jon like that. I feel bad for him. I really do. I feel bad for him, but know that it only a matter of time until he finds Nathan. I'm just left wondering how Ethan can go from being SO in love with Jon to being with Nathan…
I'm not going to completely fangirl out, but I've got to say that Ethan and Nathan are fucking ADORABLE. I just finished the part where Ethan gave Nathan a bunch of clothes and the exchange was just so sweet. Cavity inducing, I swear.
Yay! Taylor was introduced! *dances and reads on* Well, I would be reading on if I didn't keep getting distracted by the Sarah Conner Chronicles on SyFy. *siiiigh*
I've just realized something, keeping in mind that I already know that Ethan and Nathan get together (I know I mentioned that before, but I'm making sure YOU know that, lol), Ethan really laments over the fact that he won't have children, more specifically, a son. The feeling is doubled when he meets Dave. It's kinda ironic that he'd wonder what it'd be like to have a son like Dave, because when he gets with Nathan…Dave, more or less, kinda fills that void.
It's a realization that makes me smile.
I am more sure now than ever that Nathan's got a crush on Ethan. Why else would he look angry when he caught Ethan ogling Jon? I'm seriously wondering how Ethan and Nathan get together. Ethan just doesn't seem like he's -there- yet, like he hasn't noticed Nathan in that light quite yet. Though it'll be interesting to see the progression.
So Ethan's plan to get rid of Kim worked and, I have to say, at least she did what any other girl would do and made him feel like an ass. He got rid of her, but at a price. I wonder if her story's done or if she'll come back later on…
And now Mark and Taylor are outted and I'm feeling the same angst I did while I was reading Soccer Field. I wonder how their story will affect Ethan's. I wonder how what they're going through will shape Ethan's journey.
Somehow I knew Ethan would come out to Nathan, and I'm surprised Nathan didn't say anything about the feelings I think he has for Ethan. Either ways, I thought Nathan handled it really well…the way a -real- friend would.
I need to make note of this line: How could he possibly understand the heartaches of a boy in love with another boy? Can you say foreshadowing? I can. Foreshadowing. Foreshadowing. -Foreshadowing.-
Ugh! *dances around* Ethan's about to confess to Jon, and omg!! I know Jon's straight, and I know that Ethan eventually comes to love Nathan, but GOD I don't want to see him go through Jon's rejection! *wibbles*
Oh, God, Ethan! I wish I could hug you and tell you that you'll get what you want in the end in a place you never expect. But you're just a character! *sniffles* I feel so, so sorry for him, but truth be told…
…this is the sort of thing fanfiction writers like myself live for. I'm already contemplating an Ethan/Jon fanfiction. *headdesk* I'm a big fan of the whole 'What if…' ideal. And, well, I fail at writing about canon couples. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
Oh man. Oh God. It's almost harder reading it from someone else's point of view. It's almost 2am, but I'm thinking about pulling an all nighter just to read the repercussion of Mark and Taylor's double suicide. It's a good thing that my family will be out tomorrow; I'll be able to sleep in.
D'aw! I love how Nathan confessed, I really do! It made perfect sense and was beautifully written and, oh God, it was perfect! Nathan and Ethan are quickly moving up my ladder of favorite pairings from this series. I'm just going to go sit in a corner and coo!
Getting to the point that I needed to read, I've decided to call it a night and wrap up the book tomorrow~ I can fall asleep on the good note…and hope that scary spider doesn't come back…
…ugh…
So. I was not expecting Zac to be the note writer. I honestly didn't know who to expect, but now that I know, it does make sense. And now that I know Nathan's secret, I feel kinda stupid because Olivia had mentioned it before. I must've forgotten about it.
Now I'm left wondering if Ethan will throw the match or stand up for himself. He's got to realize by now that he's got more people on his side than what he thinks. He won! Yay! And I love Steve's comment about not having to compete for girls. That was awesome. I'm really enjoying his character and am sad that he doesn't have a bigger role in the story.
Things went from really good, to really shitty, and then back to really good. For a moment, just a single moment I had forgotten about Zac. That was my mistake. He came back and tried to exact his revenge, tried but failed. Thank God for Jon and Brandon.
…more later, after I actually start reading.
I didn't think 'tonight' actually meant tonight. x.x;; But, here I am at 10pm just getting ready to start reading (I'm settling for one chapter tonight since I've got writing of my own to do) the book. It's been torture waiting for the downtime to come along to actually read. Ugh! I hate waiting!!
I just have to say, yes after two pages into the book, but as I was saying…
My eldest nephew is on the wrestling team in high school (my brother was as well when he was in high school) and I was lucky enough to see a tournament (though I couldn't see my nephew wrestle…which sucks *pouts*). It's nice having a visual with the description of the match between Zac and Ethan.
Enter Uncle Jack! And after confirmation from Olivia (cause I'm lucky to remember my own name half the time, much less characters in a book), I did a little dance. The dance I do when I run across a previous (or future as it were) character in the series. Back to reading now, seriously, lol…
Can't afford to keep getting distracted by characters, and oh hell…someone I don't want to talk to just IMed me. *groans*
Ah-ha! Hello, Nathan! And, really, he was just introduced (not really, only mentioned, but still) and already there's hinting of an obvious crush. "…hanging on my every word, taking it as gospel." – Dead giveaway.
You know, I'm seven pages in already…and if I hadn't known before, I'd have no idea that Ethan was gay. I wonder if Mark did that on purpose or if the story just worked out like that. So I'm loving the interaction between Ethan and Nathan, it's really sweet and innocent. Nathan's fucking adorable.
I'm at page 30, reading Ethan's description of Jon…and his body. Is it just me or does it seem like Ethan has no idea he's attracted to guys. Interesting. Surely so. I can't wait to find out if he realizes it or not, but I don't think he does.
Chapter Two and I can't stop, but I've got to. It's past midnight and I've got fanfiction to write. I'll put in some reading time tomorrow before City of Fallen Angels gets here on Friday. I sincerely can't wait to read more!!
Read Chapter Two this morning, Ethan's first date, and now I'm positive that he doesn't realize he's gay. It's either that, or he's so far in denial that it isn't even funny. I'll stick with him not realizing it. I wonder how things will go with Kim in the long run; if they'll stay together or what.
I know Jon's straight from Soccer Field, but I can't help but to smile at Ethan admiration of him. It's more than obvious that he has a crush on Jon, I just wonder how long it'll take for him to slip up and Jon find out. I have a feeling I'm about to find out, because skinny dipping with a boy you have a crush on…?
Yeah, something's going to happen. I just know it. But moving away from that for a moment, I already know that Ethan gets with Nathan (that's what happens when you read out of order, right? lol), but now I'm wondering how that comes to be. I've got the sneaking suspicion that Nathan's got a crush on Ethan, but so far…I don't think Ethan neither realizes it or returns his feelings. So, how do they get from point A to point B? Only one way to find out…
*reads on*
How Ethan managed not to pop a woody while wrestling naked with Jon, I'll never know. But I'm relieved that Jon didn't notice anything. Something like that, I think, could ruin a friendship. But Jon was understanding with Mark and Taylor, he'd obviously be okay with Ethan…once Ethan realized he was gay, I mean. lol.
Either ways, fate must be smiling on me today because City of Fallen Angels got here a day early, but I think I'll wait to start it until my best friend gets her copy. That way I won't spoil the story while I'm fangirling over it. lol.
Oh my, I wonder who wrote that note. It's most annoying because I hate surprises. Really. I can't, for the life of me, figure out who'd do it. Or how they'd find out. It's not like Ethan was broadcasting it, hell he didn't even realize it himself (though I'm sure it's beginning to dawn on him, especially after the Sunday with Jon). I'm starting to wonder if it's maybe Devon, but that seems like a long shot since he hasn't even been mentioned in the book yet.
This is a nice, little mystery we've got here and it's already driving me nuts. *siiiiigh*
So, I'm thinking this book started before Taylor got there. I probably ought to have realized that…but, I kinda don't pay attention to dates. Mark was mentioned and I'm like, where's Taylor? Still waiting for Taylor. What's going on? Why's no one talking about the new boy…?
But, alas, the trip to the Graymoor Mansion tipped me off. I remember that trip being mentioned in Soccer Field and it happened -before- Taylor got there.
Movie date with Kim and through some fantasy work, Ethan is realizing that Kim -can- excite him. Interesting. I wonder if he'll turn out to be bi like Taylor was, or what. Guess it's time to read on to get answers to my questions!
Well! Questioned answered a few pages later after Zac's party! Wow! It all makes sense now, though I kinda expected it to work out the way it did. He forced himself to go through with it to prove to himself that he could do it, but in the end it was his fantasies about Jon that kept it going. I wonder how he'll react to this, how he'll cope with knowing a woman doesn't do it for him.
Will he continue dating Kim while he figures things out? Will she catch on? And, holy hell, when will I find out who's writing those notes! Gr!!
I'm at least glad that he felt bad about losing his virginity to someone he didn't love, how he felt robbed and mentioned how he felt like he had used Kim. I still don't know what's going to happen between him and Kim though. I just hope it's nothing too bad, like she finds out and blabs to the whole school. *siiiigh*
He finally realizes it. He finally recognizes the fact that he's gay. Gay and in love with his best friend. So maybe I under estimated his feelings for Jon, but you know what, I think Ethan did too simply because he didn't allow himself to believe that he could love Jon like that. I feel bad for him. I really do. I feel bad for him, but know that it only a matter of time until he finds Nathan. I'm just left wondering how Ethan can go from being SO in love with Jon to being with Nathan…
I'm not going to completely fangirl out, but I've got to say that Ethan and Nathan are fucking ADORABLE. I just finished the part where Ethan gave Nathan a bunch of clothes and the exchange was just so sweet. Cavity inducing, I swear.
Yay! Taylor was introduced! *dances and reads on* Well, I would be reading on if I didn't keep getting distracted by the Sarah Conner Chronicles on SyFy. *siiiigh*
I've just realized something, keeping in mind that I already know that Ethan and Nathan get together (I know I mentioned that before, but I'm making sure YOU know that, lol), Ethan really laments over the fact that he won't have children, more specifically, a son. The feeling is doubled when he meets Dave. It's kinda ironic that he'd wonder what it'd be like to have a son like Dave, because when he gets with Nathan…Dave, more or less, kinda fills that void.
It's a realization that makes me smile.
I am more sure now than ever that Nathan's got a crush on Ethan. Why else would he look angry when he caught Ethan ogling Jon? I'm seriously wondering how Ethan and Nathan get together. Ethan just doesn't seem like he's -there- yet, like he hasn't noticed Nathan in that light quite yet. Though it'll be interesting to see the progression.
So Ethan's plan to get rid of Kim worked and, I have to say, at least she did what any other girl would do and made him feel like an ass. He got rid of her, but at a price. I wonder if her story's done or if she'll come back later on…
And now Mark and Taylor are outted and I'm feeling the same angst I did while I was reading Soccer Field. I wonder how their story will affect Ethan's. I wonder how what they're going through will shape Ethan's journey.
Somehow I knew Ethan would come out to Nathan, and I'm surprised Nathan didn't say anything about the feelings I think he has for Ethan. Either ways, I thought Nathan handled it really well…the way a -real- friend would.
I need to make note of this line: How could he possibly understand the heartaches of a boy in love with another boy? Can you say foreshadowing? I can. Foreshadowing. Foreshadowing. -Foreshadowing.-
Ugh! *dances around* Ethan's about to confess to Jon, and omg!! I know Jon's straight, and I know that Ethan eventually comes to love Nathan, but GOD I don't want to see him go through Jon's rejection! *wibbles*
Oh, God, Ethan! I wish I could hug you and tell you that you'll get what you want in the end in a place you never expect. But you're just a character! *sniffles* I feel so, so sorry for him, but truth be told…
…this is the sort of thing fanfiction writers like myself live for. I'm already contemplating an Ethan/Jon fanfiction. *headdesk* I'm a big fan of the whole 'What if…' ideal. And, well, I fail at writing about canon couples. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
Oh man. Oh God. It's almost harder reading it from someone else's point of view. It's almost 2am, but I'm thinking about pulling an all nighter just to read the repercussion of Mark and Taylor's double suicide. It's a good thing that my family will be out tomorrow; I'll be able to sleep in.
D'aw! I love how Nathan confessed, I really do! It made perfect sense and was beautifully written and, oh God, it was perfect! Nathan and Ethan are quickly moving up my ladder of favorite pairings from this series. I'm just going to go sit in a corner and coo!
Getting to the point that I needed to read, I've decided to call it a night and wrap up the book tomorrow~ I can fall asleep on the good note…and hope that scary spider doesn't come back…
…ugh…
So. I was not expecting Zac to be the note writer. I honestly didn't know who to expect, but now that I know, it does make sense. And now that I know Nathan's secret, I feel kinda stupid because Olivia had mentioned it before. I must've forgotten about it.
Now I'm left wondering if Ethan will throw the match or stand up for himself. He's got to realize by now that he's got more people on his side than what he thinks. He won! Yay! And I love Steve's comment about not having to compete for girls. That was awesome. I'm really enjoying his character and am sad that he doesn't have a bigger role in the story.
Things went from really good, to really shitty, and then back to really good. For a moment, just a single moment I had forgotten about Zac. That was my mistake. He came back and tried to exact his revenge, tried but failed. Thank God for Jon and Brandon.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 22, 2010
I picked up this book mostly because of the intriguing summary and good reviews it received.
However, I was fairly let down. I simply couldn't connect with the main character and found it hard to imagine and believe the different personalities introduced in the book. It was a bit annoying the somewhat repetitive phrases of Ethan about how beautiful the boys around him were (at some point, it felt like a copy/paste measure to lengthen the novel). I'm sure the author tried to clarify the distinction between lust and love but I just wasn't impressed. One thing I found having a particularly discordant note was his sudden switch from one object of affection to the other. You don't simply fall in love on the spot when someone points out he loves you. Not even love at first sight...
The subject of the book is very interesting and it could have been used with more force and poise. Well, I assume the author was more preoccupied with showing the angst, fears and turmoils of a teenager coming to terms with his sexuality than leaving a certain impression on the readers. Of course this is a very biased opinion.
However, I was fairly let down. I simply couldn't connect with the main character and found it hard to imagine and believe the different personalities introduced in the book. It was a bit annoying the somewhat repetitive phrases of Ethan about how beautiful the boys around him were (at some point, it felt like a copy/paste measure to lengthen the novel). I'm sure the author tried to clarify the distinction between lust and love but I just wasn't impressed. One thing I found having a particularly discordant note was his sudden switch from one object of affection to the other. You don't simply fall in love on the spot when someone points out he loves you. Not even love at first sight...
The subject of the book is very interesting and it could have been used with more force and poise. Well, I assume the author was more preoccupied with showing the angst, fears and turmoils of a teenager coming to terms with his sexuality than leaving a certain impression on the readers. Of course this is a very biased opinion.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Read
December 27, 2015Ой-ей! Ковбои, навоз, шляпы и клетчатые рубахи...
Дааасвидания)))
Дааасвидания)))
April 29, 2020
A beautiful story with great characters
It's the first full length gay novel I read back when I was younger, so it will always have a special place. It helped me come to terms with my own sexuality. The first time I read it, I cried so much, especially around the ending. Since the characters were well-developed, I came to care about them and how they turned out
I was also grateful for the small nod to sexual abuse that was included. It's too rare for female-on-male or mother / son sexual abuse to get any recognition, let alone for it to be handled realistically and responsibly. I appreciate it whenever anyone acknowledges this type of sexual violence and the kind of damage it causes, even in a book not generally about that
It's the first full length gay novel I read back when I was younger, so it will always have a special place. It helped me come to terms with my own sexuality. The first time I read it, I cried so much, especially around the ending. Since the characters were well-developed, I came to care about them and how they turned out
I was also grateful for the small nod to sexual abuse that was included. It's too rare for female-on-male or mother / son sexual abuse to get any recognition, let alone for it to be handled realistically and responsibly. I appreciate it whenever anyone acknowledges this type of sexual violence and the kind of damage it causes, even in a book not generally about that
November 15, 2024
should have been some trigger warnings
It was a good book to read but left me very disturbed over the violence. The police should have been called, the notes and threats should have been told to someone that cared. There were a lot of good romantic moments in the book but there was also a lot of boring repetitive moments. I have read a lot of Marks books and this is the first one I have been disappointed in.
It was a good book to read but left me very disturbed over the violence. The police should have been called, the notes and threats should have been told to someone that cared. There were a lot of good romantic moments in the book but there was also a lot of boring repetitive moments. I have read a lot of Marks books and this is the first one I have been disappointed in.
April 18, 2021
This is Ethan and Nathan's story. A budding friendship develops into more as these two characters learn about loss and come together to form a strong romantic union.
October 20, 2021
3.75 stars
September 6, 2010
For now is free at the writer's blog (Pdf file=206 pages) 
Click Here
(I don't know for how long will be for free)
*********************** REVIEW *******************************
It’s the first time I do a double review, sorry if will bore you to death
I want to write few words about two books of the Gay Youth Chronicles of Mark A. Roeder (both with my maximum vote).
Someone Is Watching is a free book, and the first of the “Gay Youth Chronicles”. It’s a free ebook, don’t contain virus or Trojan, and you can download directly from the writers blog.
It’s an incredible book, and I couldn’t believe in what I was reading… so realistic!
Written only in a first person (Ethan, a 17 years boy, will narrate) will obligate you to be there, inside the mind of a confused young men discovering his homosexuality.
I’m a woman, heterosexual, 32 years old (hummm… please forget my age, or lie telling me I’m still young, thanks) and regardless the differences I understood everything Ethan felt… his pain, his happiness, his doubts… it’s not a book to homosexuals that want to read about a gay guy suffering. It’s a book to everyone, to us!
Why, to all of us? Well, I identify myself reading each of Ethan’s words… his voice is the voice of everyone who suffer… so, who wouldn’t identify with him?
Astonishing book, and a standing ovation to Mr Mark A. Roeder.
Observation: unbelievable that a masterpiece like the first book of this serie is for free! I guarantee it’s not a commercial maneuver. The first book has it’s end, and you can read it never expending money with the second.
A Better Place is the second book of the “Gay Youth Chronicles”.
The first book has some “sadness” but the second will certainly break your heart. I can’t tell if the characters will be happy or not (the second has multiple narrators, but Casper and Brendan are the main narrators), but I can say that you will be chocked. A lot of terrible facts happens (torture, rape, starvation all together with repeated thoughts of suicide), so it’s not a easy book to read. But, in my view, again Mark A. Roeder did a incredible work. And I love it.
Casper or Brendan could be you or me… Would you cry, needing to be loved, and finding only hate on everyone stare? Would you do extreme sacrifices, like sell your body, to see your beloved happy? Would you try/think in suicide if the society is against you and you lose hope in the world? Would you try, with all your forces, to be the person your parents think you are, denying your true feelings?
Like I said, Casper/Brendan could be you or me, or IS your neighbor, son, daughter, coworker… the gay struggling against the racism is only one face of the coin… the message is much more serious… anyone can be in pain right now, like the characters of this book, so what are you doing to help them?
That’s what the writer keep asking telling the story… can you be see though his eyes, no? Can you see that he only want to love and be loves? Can you fell his pain, no? He deserve to suffer like this? Would you deserve to suffer, being in his shoes?
Two incredible remarkable books… both earn a special place in my heart, and will stay there for all my live… I just can’t stop think about them… Ethan… Casper… Brendan… Mark… Taylor… Natham…
I’m still trying to get why some characters were triumphant, finding love and defeating a terrible homophobic society, while some of them give up, dying tragically (I cry a lot reading both books…
really heartbreaking).
That’s why I did a double review….. I recommend both of them… two extraordinary books in my modest opinion.
Click Here
(I don't know for how long will be for free)
*********************** REVIEW *******************************
It’s the first time I do a double review, sorry if will bore you to death
I want to write few words about two books of the Gay Youth Chronicles of Mark A. Roeder (both with my maximum vote).
Someone Is Watching
Someone Is Watching is a free book, and the first of the “Gay Youth Chronicles”. It’s a free ebook, don’t contain virus or Trojan, and you can download directly from the writers blog.
It’s an incredible book, and I couldn’t believe in what I was reading… so realistic!
Written only in a first person (Ethan, a 17 years boy, will narrate) will obligate you to be there, inside the mind of a confused young men discovering his homosexuality.
I’m a woman, heterosexual, 32 years old (hummm… please forget my age, or lie telling me I’m still young, thanks) and regardless the differences I understood everything Ethan felt… his pain, his happiness, his doubts… it’s not a book to homosexuals that want to read about a gay guy suffering. It’s a book to everyone, to us!
Why, to all of us? Well, I identify myself reading each of Ethan’s words… his voice is the voice of everyone who suffer… so, who wouldn’t identify with him?
Astonishing book, and a standing ovation to Mr Mark A. Roeder.
Observation: unbelievable that a masterpiece like the first book of this serie is for free! I guarantee it’s not a commercial maneuver. The first book has it’s end, and you can read it never expending money with the second.
A Better Place
A Better Place is the second book of the “Gay Youth Chronicles”.
The first book has some “sadness” but the second will certainly break your heart. I can’t tell if the characters will be happy or not (the second has multiple narrators, but Casper and Brendan are the main narrators), but I can say that you will be chocked. A lot of terrible facts happens (torture, rape, starvation all together with repeated thoughts of suicide), so it’s not a easy book to read. But, in my view, again Mark A. Roeder did a incredible work. And I love it.
Casper or Brendan could be you or me… Would you cry, needing to be loved, and finding only hate on everyone stare? Would you do extreme sacrifices, like sell your body, to see your beloved happy? Would you try/think in suicide if the society is against you and you lose hope in the world? Would you try, with all your forces, to be the person your parents think you are, denying your true feelings?
Like I said, Casper/Brendan could be you or me, or IS your neighbor, son, daughter, coworker… the gay struggling against the racism is only one face of the coin… the message is much more serious… anyone can be in pain right now, like the characters of this book, so what are you doing to help them?
That’s what the writer keep asking telling the story… can you be see though his eyes, no? Can you see that he only want to love and be loves? Can you fell his pain, no? He deserve to suffer like this? Would you deserve to suffer, being in his shoes?
Two incredible remarkable books… both earn a special place in my heart, and will stay there for all my live… I just can’t stop think about them… Ethan… Casper… Brendan… Mark… Taylor… Natham…
I’m still trying to get why some characters were triumphant, finding love and defeating a terrible homophobic society, while some of them give up, dying tragically (I cry a lot reading both books…
really heartbreaking).That’s why I did a double review….. I recommend both of them… two extraordinary books in my modest opinion.
July 12, 2011
This book was really disappointing. I really really thought this book was going to be better.
Good Points:
+ The idea was good.just not written well
+ The characters felt very real. I think Jon's character seemed the most realistic to me because of the way he acted and his reactions. He just found out one of his friends is gay when in love with him so of course he's surprised, speechless, stuttering, but still a good friendafter clarifying that he isn't gay
Bad Points:
- Despite the story being good, it was way too repetitive. I felt myself getting so bored when I read some of the passages where Ethan was doing some inner thinking, because it was always the same questions and it just kept going around in a circle, repeating everything. Near the end I skipped some paragraphs when I saw lots of questions and it didn't matter. I missed absolutely nothing when I started the next paragraph. I think this book could have been shortened at least 25 pages and still kept all the main points.
- For some reason, I couldn't get involved in this book. It just wasn't grabbing my attention. I happened to read it whenever my internet was down (like this morning), so I never felt that pull that I get with other books like I have to read it. I just couldn't feel it. I felt like I had to force myself to read this book. Now that I'm done it feels like a complete waste of time.
Overall, I didn't find it that good. I think another author could have written this better then Mark, although it was very nice of him to keep this free so others can read and see that they're not alone. Strangely, this writing style reminded me of some of VLista's work. I could never finish those stories.
Good Points:
+ The idea was good.
+ The characters felt very real. I think Jon's character seemed the most realistic to me because of the way he acted and his reactions. He just found out one of his friends is gay when in love with him so of course he's surprised, speechless, stuttering, but still a good friend
Bad Points:
- Despite the story being good, it was way too repetitive. I felt myself getting so bored when I read some of the passages where Ethan was doing some inner thinking, because it was always the same questions and it just kept going around in a circle, repeating everything. Near the end I skipped some paragraphs when I saw lots of questions and it didn't matter. I missed absolutely nothing when I started the next paragraph. I think this book could have been shortened at least 25 pages and still kept all the main points.
- For some reason, I couldn't get involved in this book. It just wasn't grabbing my attention. I happened to read it whenever my internet was down (like this morning), so I never felt that pull that I get with other books like I have to read it. I just couldn't feel it. I felt like I had to force myself to read this book. Now that I'm done it feels like a complete waste of time.
Overall, I didn't find it that good. I think another author could have written this better then Mark, although it was very nice of him to keep this free so others can read and see that they're not alone. Strangely, this writing style reminded me of some of VLista's work. I could never finish those stories.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 21, 2014
I had read a few of Mark's other novels and this one seemed to recycle the earlier books' story line. Generally, I had predicted how the book would have ended. I agreed with a few reviewers that the narration tended to repeat what we had been told - hot body, muscular body, so in love with him and then another him... and so on. It was like watching daytime soap opera or Sue Ellen in Dallas sitting down with the other ladies, narrating something that just happened minutes ago in the same episode.
I failed to see how Jon and Ethan could be best friends. They hardly spent time together. Ethan had never been to Jon's home and the same went for Jon. The book got us all rooting for Jon-Ethan, just to have us ending with Ethan and the not-so-hot friend (I did not want to spoil too much).
Funny how almost everyone could be so open to guys being gays, including Uncle Jack, who did not seem to be bothered about the house arrangement and who was sharing the bed with whom, under his roof.
All were already at marginal line for acceptance by me, until Nathan became the crying baby at the end of the book. It was too much to follow through. Moreover, with the repetition in the story-telling, I began to flip the pages faster and found myself not to be missing a beat at all.
By the way, I was already aware of whom the 'someone' was, halfway through the book. It was never a suspense.
I failed to see how Jon and Ethan could be best friends. They hardly spent time together. Ethan had never been to Jon's home and the same went for Jon. The book got us all rooting for Jon-Ethan, just to have us ending with Ethan and the not-so-hot friend (I did not want to spoil too much).
Funny how almost everyone could be so open to guys being gays, including Uncle Jack, who did not seem to be bothered about the house arrangement and who was sharing the bed with whom, under his roof.
All were already at marginal line for acceptance by me, until Nathan became the crying baby at the end of the book. It was too much to follow through. Moreover, with the repetition in the story-telling, I began to flip the pages faster and found myself not to be missing a beat at all.
By the way, I was already aware of whom the 'someone' was, halfway through the book. It was never a suspense.
March 29, 2011
well this sure is an impressive book... we get a glimpse of the life of a 17teen year old discovering he's gay, coming out, losing friends and gaining a few. It is heartbreaking at times and one can imagine this is exactly how it can be like for a young guy in some rural town in the middle of nowhere.
some setbacks are: the whole story is narrated by Ethan and that can be repetitive. the whole turmoil of 'should i come out' 'what if' 'what about my friends' i admit i have skipped a few pages in the middle where it was just a little too much!
I thought the language was a little off sometimes. Ethan is 17 and he's talking about wanting a son and developing father-feelings for Dave..really??at 17? his relationship with Nathan is also very lovey-dovey. they stare into each others eyes with the LUVVVVV and they sit in the sofa watching the christmas tree for an hour and a half and they are completely happy...don't know bout you guys but at 17 i find that a little strange. but perhaps Ethan is an old-soul, god knows losing your parents at an early age can do that to you.
I am soooo happy for Ethan and Nathan... their story left a big impression on me.
some setbacks are: the whole story is narrated by Ethan and that can be repetitive. the whole turmoil of 'should i come out' 'what if' 'what about my friends' i admit i have skipped a few pages in the middle where it was just a little too much!
I thought the language was a little off sometimes. Ethan is 17 and he's talking about wanting a son and developing father-feelings for Dave..really??at 17? his relationship with Nathan is also very lovey-dovey. they stare into each others eyes with the LUVVVVV and they sit in the sofa watching the christmas tree for an hour and a half and they are completely happy...don't know bout you guys but at 17 i find that a little strange. but perhaps Ethan is an old-soul, god knows losing your parents at an early age can do that to you.
I am soooo happy for Ethan and Nathan... their story left a big impression on me.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 20, 2012
This is the second book that I have read by the same author and since it is set in the same town and at the same school and in the same sports areas, I found it to be pretty repetitive of the last book that I read which was very repetitive of itself.
It did have a more positive story line, but there are now four gay teenagers in the same small school who have all come out and in the 1980's I don't believe that would have happened. And, if my gaydar is working, I estimate that there are at least another 1/2 dozen who will be gay in his next 10 or so books. All in tiny Verona...
I very much believe in the anti-gay parts of the book but I have a hard time believing the positive support that these guys receive from many of their classmates when they come out. (Even given the circumstances of the most recent related story.)
I believe that these books were written a while ago, but I just can't believe the story line. And if these stories are based on any facts, I really wish that I knew where these guys were when I was growing up and moving into maturity in the 1970's.
It did have a more positive story line, but there are now four gay teenagers in the same small school who have all come out and in the 1980's I don't believe that would have happened. And, if my gaydar is working, I estimate that there are at least another 1/2 dozen who will be gay in his next 10 or so books. All in tiny Verona...
I very much believe in the anti-gay parts of the book but I have a hard time believing the positive support that these guys receive from many of their classmates when they come out. (Even given the circumstances of the most recent related story.)
I believe that these books were written a while ago, but I just can't believe the story line. And if these stories are based on any facts, I really wish that I knew where these guys were when I was growing up and moving into maturity in the 1970's.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 30, 2009
This is a great book that shows the daily torture a closeted gay youth goes through to survive in school and life. Ethan is a star wrestler who is in love with his best friend, Jo. After witnessing the terror two of his fellow schoolmates go through, he promises himself he will never reveal his true self. After finding out what Jo thinks of his sexuality, Ethan learns that love can come in different ways from different people. Sometimes love is right in front of us. This book is gritty (language and situation violence) but it's a gritty reality. This stuff does happen and we need to read about it. A great book for young gays and people wanting to know the reality of today's gay youth. Every library should have this book in their YA collection.
December 30, 2014
I don't think words could describe how I feel about this book.
I don't remember how I ended up on Mark Roeder's website 4 years ago, but I remember reading the preview for the book and getting hooked. Which was weird for me because I hadn't liked reading since I was younger. This book captivated me and had me sitting in front of my desktop for hours until I finished.
This book is very special to me. Mark Roeder had me hooked then still has me now. This is a great book and series and every should enjoy young and old.
I don't remember how I ended up on Mark Roeder's website 4 years ago, but I remember reading the preview for the book and getting hooked. Which was weird for me because I hadn't liked reading since I was younger. This book captivated me and had me sitting in front of my desktop for hours until I finished.
This book is very special to me. Mark Roeder had me hooked then still has me now. This is a great book and series and every should enjoy young and old.
September 5, 2016
I've cried more that I should have. Leading to the end of this book. I don't think I'll ever stop crying. The book was intense, especially leading to the end when Ethan was deciding about his fate, if he cane out. I'm disappointed on how things turn out, but I'm happy where it went. The read was incredible. I really e joyed it.
July 28, 2011
I agree with what the others have said. The book was good but not great - incredibly melodramatic and cheesy but engrossing. I'm 26 and very out so this didn't touch me as much as it did some of the teens I work with, who are much younger and adore Roeder's series.
February 24, 2014
It's either to extreme or just to easy how this character's life works out. Though it does have something to say about what a person goes thru when they first realize they are gay....he seems awfully selfish even though he's in torment most of the time. It's all about him.
May 11, 2012
Oh my gosh - it's so sad! Other than that, I'm not sure what else to say about it. It was a slight struggle to finish it, but my need to know how it ends kept me at it to the end.
July 6, 2023
Simple language, a book that realistically depicts the feelings of a teenager coming to terms with who he really is.
October 8, 2013
A wonderful story
Want to read
February 7, 2014Kindle Freebie 2/6/14!! :)
January 4, 2017
Ce n'est pas de la grande littérature et l'intrigue est prévisible, mais cette histoire d'un adolescent de l'Indiana qui prend conscience de son homosexualité est assez mignonne.
November 17, 2010
Fabulous
May 12, 2011
It's pretty hot. The story isn't as engaging as A Better Place but I like the hotness.
Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews