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Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang
In these personal essays, the hilarious comedian and Chelsea Lately host reflects on family, love life, and the absurdities of adulthood with "cheeky candor" and signature wit ( Philadelphia Inquirer ).Life doesn't get more hilarious than when Chelsea Handler takes aim with her irreverent wit. Who else would send all-staff emails to smoke out the dumbest people on her show? Now, in this new collection of original essays, the #1 bestselling author of Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea delivers one laugh-out-loud moment after another as she sets her sights on the ridiculous side of childhood, adulthood, and daughterhood.Family moments are fair game, whether it's writing a report on Reaganomics to earn a Cabbage Patch doll, or teaching her father social graces by ordering him to stay indoors. It's open season on her love life, from playing a prank on her boyfriend (using a ravioli, a fake autopsy, and the Santa Monica pier) to adopting a dog so she can snuggle with someone who doesn't talk. And everyone better duck for cover when her beach vacation turns into matchmaking gone wild. Outrageously funny and deliciously wicked, Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is good good good good!Chelsea Handler on . . .Being "My parents couldn't have been more unreasonable when it came to fads or clothes that weren't purchased at a pharmacy."Living with her "He's similar to a large toddler, the only difference being he doesn't cry when he wakes up."Appreciating her "He's a certified public accountant, and I have a real life."Arm-wrestling a maid of "It wasn't her strength that intimidated me. It was the starry way her eyes focused on me, like Mike Tyson getting ready to feed."
256 pages, Paperback
First published March 1, 2010
906 people are currently reading
25336 people want to read
About the author
Chelsea Handler
20 books5,248 followersChelsea Handler is a writer, comedian, producer, TV host, activist, and the author of six consecutive New York Times bestsellers. She hosted the late-night talk show Chelsea Lately on the E! network from 2007 to 2014 and released a documentary series, Chelsea Does, on Netflix in January 2016. In 2016 and 2017, Handler hosted the talk show Chelsea on Netflix. Her Netflix comedy special, Revolution, was released in 2022 and is now streaming. Her beloved advice podcast, Dear Chelsea, is in its fifth season and her fourth stand-up special will be released by Netflix in 2025.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 3,085 reviews
May 18, 2011
Only got half way through before I quit because felt like I was at a high school reunion with Chelsea and she couldn't shut up about her twenty years her senior boyfriend, who by the way OWNS the company that produces her show -it's on E! every night at 9pm/11pm/1am- therefore is her boss but she tells him to [enter graphic detail while i look awkwardly at man who is Clooney's age without his appeal] in bed, then retelling highly unlikely stories of her masturbatory girl scout years (hello! we were in that troop together and that never happened) prompting me to think: she was molested by her dog and then later she completed the vicious cycle by molesting the slow kid next door- and then becoming overly grateful that her voice is drowned out by a landing helicopter and not caring one iota that the chopper is for her and she needs to run because she's getting paid "like a million bucks" to host some MTV awards show.
Man, I miss the old non famous "i wore a huge Halloween costume to hide my binge drinking problem and then got it stuck in a window only to be discovered by the man I was trying to avoid" Chelsea. The "not yet famous and totally not caring about name dropping" Chelsea was awesome! Bring back the horizontal life!
Man, I miss the old non famous "i wore a huge Halloween costume to hide my binge drinking problem and then got it stuck in a window only to be discovered by the man I was trying to avoid" Chelsea. The "not yet famous and totally not caring about name dropping" Chelsea was awesome! Bring back the horizontal life!
January 17, 2013
This is one of those books that you read and you say to yourself, "Holy shit, I REALLY could write a book better than this shitty thing!" So thank you, Chelsea Lately, for motivating all writing enthusiasts out there, whether intentional or not.
This was quite a drop in quality after Are You There, Vodka? Chelsea Lately's new book starts out, well, weird, with a 30-page discussion of an eight-year-old Chelsea Lately's first year of masturbatory discovery. Yeah, there is an ick-factor. If you want to tell us about how you rub your adult vagina, Chelsea Lately, be my guest. But maybe we should leave memories of your eight-year-old vagina where it belongs...40 years in the past.
By the end of this book everything degenerates into notes on a few not particularly interesting pranks and vacations -- maybe she was too busy with TV show prep to bother to give her readers anything meaty, who can say. BUT UNLIKE YOUR BRAIN-DEAD L.A. TV AUDIENCE, THERE IS NO FUCKING 'APPLAUSE' LIGHT THAT GOES ON WITH A BOOK, CHELSEA LATELY, AND WE DON'T SALIVATE AND APPLAUDE ON CUE.
Readers will appreciate the prank in which someone tells someone else that a dog died...but...wait for it...it was really still alive! We also especially like how she hung out with a real black person, and even let that black person drive her around in a car...because the black guy was her limo driver. Driving Miss Daisy ain't got noting on you, Chelsea Lately, no suh.
Chelsea Lately, honey, we get it; you are rich, you get to sleep with the CEO of a network, and you want us to believe that you should have been appreciated much earlier in life for your obvious talent, which seems to be verifiable now because you have a show on basic cable late-night TV...sorta like Sealab 2020 or Squidbillies. We really are sorry that you are so unhappy with your upper middle class upbringing, that you did not get the right Cabbage Patch Doll as a child, and that you spent your twenties in a drugged-out stupor while doing what I am sure was a darn fine job in your multiple McJobs. But look at the bright side: You get to spend your 50s telling us about all of the amazing new adventures you are currently undergoing as your body rapidly slides into old age, how you wasted opportunities to write good books and eventually fell into obscurity, and how your years of alcohol and drug abuse took their toll. In the future, you will have plenty to write about!
This was quite a drop in quality after Are You There, Vodka? Chelsea Lately's new book starts out, well, weird, with a 30-page discussion of an eight-year-old Chelsea Lately's first year of masturbatory discovery. Yeah, there is an ick-factor. If you want to tell us about how you rub your adult vagina, Chelsea Lately, be my guest. But maybe we should leave memories of your eight-year-old vagina where it belongs...40 years in the past.
By the end of this book everything degenerates into notes on a few not particularly interesting pranks and vacations -- maybe she was too busy with TV show prep to bother to give her readers anything meaty, who can say. BUT UNLIKE YOUR BRAIN-DEAD L.A. TV AUDIENCE, THERE IS NO FUCKING 'APPLAUSE' LIGHT THAT GOES ON WITH A BOOK, CHELSEA LATELY, AND WE DON'T SALIVATE AND APPLAUDE ON CUE.
Readers will appreciate the prank in which someone tells someone else that a dog died...but...wait for it...it was really still alive! We also especially like how she hung out with a real black person, and even let that black person drive her around in a car...because the black guy was her limo driver. Driving Miss Daisy ain't got noting on you, Chelsea Lately, no suh.
Chelsea Lately, honey, we get it; you are rich, you get to sleep with the CEO of a network, and you want us to believe that you should have been appreciated much earlier in life for your obvious talent, which seems to be verifiable now because you have a show on basic cable late-night TV...sorta like Sealab 2020 or Squidbillies. We really are sorry that you are so unhappy with your upper middle class upbringing, that you did not get the right Cabbage Patch Doll as a child, and that you spent your twenties in a drugged-out stupor while doing what I am sure was a darn fine job in your multiple McJobs. But look at the bright side: You get to spend your 50s telling us about all of the amazing new adventures you are currently undergoing as your body rapidly slides into old age, how you wasted opportunities to write good books and eventually fell into obscurity, and how your years of alcohol and drug abuse took their toll. In the future, you will have plenty to write about!
March 12, 2012
How much did I hate this book? Let me count the ways...
1. The masturbation chapter that opens the book. An ENTIRE chapter, about EIGHT year old Chelsea and friends masturbating at slumber parties. Really?? I have an eight year old. And I was an eight year old once. Maybe in junior high, but SECOND GRADERS?? I don't think so. And it just went on and on and on. I kept reading, though, because I thought to myself, can it really be this bad? Surely this is all a joke? And yet, the rest of the book is pretty much all bizarrely true stories, so make what you want of the first chapter.
2. All the constant references to her older boyfriend who owns the E! network. Which produces the show she stars in. We get it, Chelsea. You're famous because you sleep with someone powerful.
3. How rude and derogatory she is to her friends, including the aforementioned older BF who owns E!
4. Especially the friends of size.
5. How horrible she is to her family, and how they must feel reading these books. The story of her and her brother doing mushrooms and how he swam naked in a lake (God, who makes this cr*p up? Oh right, the younger not-funny GF of the guy who owns the E! network).
6. Racism. See the lengthy chapter on the black "friends" who can't swim.
7. The mean tricks she plays on her BF. Even if he is older, and owns the E! network, he's your boss and your BF. She tells this lengthy - LENGTHY - tale of how she tricked him into thinking they killed a dog, and staging the dog's funeral. Apparently, she even went on one of the late night talk show's to discuss this trick in detail. Why? Why?? None of it was funny, at least not the way she wrote it. I can't believe her BF is still with her after this. Or that he hasn't been arrested for her murder yet.
8. The three hours of my life spent reading this dribble. Time I will never get back.
The only saving grace for this book for me is that it was a digital loan through my library, so no money was spent reading this trash.
My one star rating is generous. EXTREMELY.
1. The masturbation chapter that opens the book. An ENTIRE chapter, about EIGHT year old Chelsea and friends masturbating at slumber parties. Really?? I have an eight year old. And I was an eight year old once. Maybe in junior high, but SECOND GRADERS?? I don't think so. And it just went on and on and on. I kept reading, though, because I thought to myself, can it really be this bad? Surely this is all a joke? And yet, the rest of the book is pretty much all bizarrely true stories, so make what you want of the first chapter.
2. All the constant references to her older boyfriend who owns the E! network. Which produces the show she stars in. We get it, Chelsea. You're famous because you sleep with someone powerful.
3. How rude and derogatory she is to her friends, including the aforementioned older BF who owns E!
4. Especially the friends of size.
5. How horrible she is to her family, and how they must feel reading these books. The story of her and her brother doing mushrooms and how he swam naked in a lake (God, who makes this cr*p up? Oh right, the younger not-funny GF of the guy who owns the E! network).
6. Racism. See the lengthy chapter on the black "friends" who can't swim.
7. The mean tricks she plays on her BF. Even if he is older, and owns the E! network, he's your boss and your BF. She tells this lengthy - LENGTHY - tale of how she tricked him into thinking they killed a dog, and staging the dog's funeral. Apparently, she even went on one of the late night talk show's to discuss this trick in detail. Why? Why?? None of it was funny, at least not the way she wrote it. I can't believe her BF is still with her after this. Or that he hasn't been arrested for her murder yet.
8. The three hours of my life spent reading this dribble. Time I will never get back.
The only saving grace for this book for me is that it was a digital loan through my library, so no money was spent reading this trash.
My one star rating is generous. EXTREMELY.
June 5, 2010
I don’t think that I’ve laughed so much during a book than I did with this one. Seriously, I thought that I would wake up the neighbourhood at three in the morning while I was still reading this book last night because I could not put it down.
It’s a series of essays/stories that, to be honest, I have no idea if they’re complete lies, slightly untold truths, or blatant elaborations but I also don’t care. This book was hilarious, witty, and downright fun. Sure, I could have easily stopped at the end of a chapter since they don’t really relate to each other, but I didn’t want to, pure and simple.
I don’t know what else I can really say about this book since it’s not really fiction that follows a set plot line, but if you can you should really read it. However, it might not be suitable for a younger audience since it deals with a few adult situations and language. To be frank, at times it’s incredibly vulgar… but I just found those bits really funny.
If you’re able to, and can stomach everything about it, I say go and pick up a copy of this book. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry… ok, you’ll laugh. But still, it’s more than worth it. Which is why I’m giving this book a 10/10. Amazing.
It’s a series of essays/stories that, to be honest, I have no idea if they’re complete lies, slightly untold truths, or blatant elaborations but I also don’t care. This book was hilarious, witty, and downright fun. Sure, I could have easily stopped at the end of a chapter since they don’t really relate to each other, but I didn’t want to, pure and simple.
I don’t know what else I can really say about this book since it’s not really fiction that follows a set plot line, but if you can you should really read it. However, it might not be suitable for a younger audience since it deals with a few adult situations and language. To be frank, at times it’s incredibly vulgar… but I just found those bits really funny.
If you’re able to, and can stomach everything about it, I say go and pick up a copy of this book. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry… ok, you’ll laugh. But still, it’s more than worth it. Which is why I’m giving this book a 10/10. Amazing.
October 11, 2022
Chelsea is everything a writer should be. A brutally honest, yet ridiculous, obscene, shameless, twisted potty-mouth who calls out everyone in her family for being an asshole, and doesn't give a damn what you think. This book is highly entertaining, and her comedy is always pushing you over the edge. With so many haters, she's like the Madonna of essay writing. I love the part when she lays it on the line for her parents on what her life will end up like if she doesn't get this goddamn Cabbage Patch doll at 9 years old. Good times, this one.
April 19, 2012
CC memo from Ms. Handlers desk: "Hey everyone I'm famous." "I'm so famous I don't even have to apply myself to actually admit my stories make my already outlandish diatribes sound believable or even funny." Thank you, for constantly reminding us how obviously much more "down-to-earth" you try to pretend to be (At the time you had)with that fancy-new-state-the-of-art-CEO-Boyfriend with accessories. Someone needs to stop drinking the bright pink kool-aid of delusion. For nondenominational sake you're just coming off as a dick.
It astounds me someone who bad mouths their family members on so many occasions (real or not) still has any left. I never grew-up with one half of my family, but they still find the time to avoid me, because they don't understand the person I am. Contrary to the things that they have grown into themselves. They at least make the occasional holiday effort to try (I enjoy gumption) and talk to me. Getting through a phone-call with me is tiresome effort. Understandably living with any person long enough will make you immune and ignorant to their flaws. At some point multiple shots to the solar plexus would have to be applied though.
It astounds me someone who bad mouths their family members on so many occasions (real or not) still has any left. I never grew-up with one half of my family, but they still find the time to avoid me, because they don't understand the person I am. Contrary to the things that they have grown into themselves. They at least make the occasional holiday effort to try (I enjoy gumption) and talk to me. Getting through a phone-call with me is tiresome effort. Understandably living with any person long enough will make you immune and ignorant to their flaws. At some point multiple shots to the solar plexus would have to be applied though.
June 27, 2010
This book was terrible. I love love love Chelsea Handler - I think her dry, quick wit is unmatched. I also enjoy watching her attack her panel of comedians, and the way she engages people she's never met and shoots the shit with guests that she obviously knows and adores.
That being said: this book has none of the wit or charm that makes me tune into her show This is a slapped together piece of shit where she simply tells stories about her vacations and her family without grace or humor. It lacks enough context to make the stories funny or even relate-able.
It's the only book of her's that I've read - maybe the other two are actually interesting. This one strikes me as someone who had a three-book deal and couldn't really be bothered to sit down for a year to write a decent book.
It actually pains me that this was published, as I think any of my friends could write stories of vacations and families with more heart, charm and humor - and they'd never get published, let alone become a NYTimes best-seller. For shame, Chelsea!
That being said: this book has none of the wit or charm that makes me tune into her show This is a slapped together piece of shit where she simply tells stories about her vacations and her family without grace or humor. It lacks enough context to make the stories funny or even relate-able.
It's the only book of her's that I've read - maybe the other two are actually interesting. This one strikes me as someone who had a three-book deal and couldn't really be bothered to sit down for a year to write a decent book.
It actually pains me that this was published, as I think any of my friends could write stories of vacations and families with more heart, charm and humor - and they'd never get published, let alone become a NYTimes best-seller. For shame, Chelsea!
August 19, 2019
Let’s cut to the chase because I am tired of reviewing Handler books. This book was better than the last one I read but still not enough to make me want to read anymore of her books. Times have changed and the girl who read the first book and loved it is not the same girl that read the last two. Also, I think her writing style became a little difficult to tolerate once the novelty of it wore off. One and done should have been the name of the game with this author.
The parts of this read I did enjoy had to do with her boyfriend and a group vacation her crew took. There isn’t a person in this world safe from her teasing, especially not her boyfriend. I liked the fact that he rolled with the punches and kept on doing his thing even if it was being ridiculously dressed in swim gear while Handler and her crew made friends in a very public way while on vacation. I can’t even begin to imagine how much fun it would be to take on a beach adventure like that. What that part of the story said to me was that you are only as old as you feel and never assume you have outgrown something just because society wants you to. To let loose and live in the moment is how we should all strive to live when the right opportunity presents itself.
Three stars to a book that made me wish for a beach vacation with friends.
The parts of this read I did enjoy had to do with her boyfriend and a group vacation her crew took. There isn’t a person in this world safe from her teasing, especially not her boyfriend. I liked the fact that he rolled with the punches and kept on doing his thing even if it was being ridiculously dressed in swim gear while Handler and her crew made friends in a very public way while on vacation. I can’t even begin to imagine how much fun it would be to take on a beach adventure like that. What that part of the story said to me was that you are only as old as you feel and never assume you have outgrown something just because society wants you to. To let loose and live in the moment is how we should all strive to live when the right opportunity presents itself.
Three stars to a book that made me wish for a beach vacation with friends.
January 8, 2012
I read "Are you there Vodka? It's me, Chelsea" and enjoyed it. However, “Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang” made me cringe. When you resort to stupid situations for laughs you need a new gig.
The first chapter about an 8-year-old Chelsea obsessively masturbating was pathetic. The emails between the writer and her siblings weren't entertaining, just plain boring. Her practical jokes as she grow up wear thin very quickly and I found myself wondering why I was reading this drivel. Then I realised it doesn't matter what I think because her celebrity will guarantee sales of this shoddy little offering. This is just sad.
Chelsea Handler is a good writer and a great comedian. She should really focus her talent on something that is worthy of her. Handler needs to find something interesting to write about. How much more can she drag out of her hapless friends and family. It's simply embarrassing. Taking politics apart may be a real option for her witty pen.
The first chapter about an 8-year-old Chelsea obsessively masturbating was pathetic. The emails between the writer and her siblings weren't entertaining, just plain boring. Her practical jokes as she grow up wear thin very quickly and I found myself wondering why I was reading this drivel. Then I realised it doesn't matter what I think because her celebrity will guarantee sales of this shoddy little offering. This is just sad.
Chelsea Handler is a good writer and a great comedian. She should really focus her talent on something that is worthy of her. Handler needs to find something interesting to write about. How much more can she drag out of her hapless friends and family. It's simply embarrassing. Taking politics apart may be a real option for her witty pen.
June 27, 2025
This book made me deeply anxious. While I find Chelsea’s irreverence and harebrained ideas about life generally pretty amusing, the non-stop stories about her wacky family had me pretty highly strung!
I look forward to reading more of her work as she matures though, she just comes across as really immature in this one.
I look forward to reading more of her work as she matures though, she just comes across as really immature in this one.
Read
July 16, 2010Read the first few pages...
The second page is her at 8 years old learning to masturbate at a slumber party...alrighty then!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>2 weeks, and a few pages later:
The more I read, the more I realize I don't like her. Small doses are better. Offically demoted to bathroom reading...
The second page is her at 8 years old learning to masturbate at a slumber party...alrighty then!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>2 weeks, and a few pages later:
The more I read, the more I realize I don't like her. Small doses are better. Offically demoted to bathroom reading...
December 16, 2015
3.5 stars
This collection of essays was a quick read for me. Some had me laughing hysterically, and others were more "The joke? Dungeddit..." types, but overall, a pretty enjoyable read.
I mean, the book starts off with Chelsea's recollection of learning how to masturbate at 8 and quickly becoming addicted to it and then called out at Thanksgiving dinner for getting her fix with a serving spoon, and then ends on a high note of corrupting her sense of humor-lacking boyfriend into playing along with her almost-pathological lies. There's a wide range of stuff covered in between, but my absolute favorite were the two chapters concerning her father and his rental property. Oh man, I was laughing so hard that I couldn't even speak long enough to communicate to my boyfriend what was so funny.
I will admit that some of it just seemed ridiculous for ridiculousness' sake... like 34 year old Chelsea arguing fervently to get a dolphin for their in-condo 8x8 ft aquarium. If that was true... Jeebus help us all.
This collection of essays was a quick read for me. Some had me laughing hysterically, and others were more "The joke? Dungeddit..." types, but overall, a pretty enjoyable read.
I mean, the book starts off with Chelsea's recollection of learning how to masturbate at 8 and quickly becoming addicted to it and then called out at Thanksgiving dinner for getting her fix with a serving spoon, and then ends on a high note of corrupting her sense of humor-lacking boyfriend into playing along with her almost-pathological lies. There's a wide range of stuff covered in between, but my absolute favorite were the two chapters concerning her father and his rental property. Oh man, I was laughing so hard that I couldn't even speak long enough to communicate to my boyfriend what was so funny.
I will admit that some of it just seemed ridiculous for ridiculousness' sake... like 34 year old Chelsea arguing fervently to get a dolphin for their in-condo 8x8 ft aquarium. If that was true... Jeebus help us all.
June 1, 2022
Funny in places.
July 2, 2011
Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is the third memoir by the ever-entertaining comedian Chelsea Handler. If you can't handle nasty or raunchy, then this book isn't for you -- but if you loved Sarah Silverman's The Bedwetter and all of Jenny McCarthy's memoirs, then make sure to pick this one up.
Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is comprised of stories about random, crazy adventures and incidents from Handler's past. This specific memoir also includes pictures to go along with the stories, which is an excellent addition that was absent from her previous books and definitely adds to its overall humor and value.
Although Handler glorifies taking a plethora of sleeping pills on a regular basis (among other types of random pills) and dedicates an entire chapter to learning how to masturbate at 8-years old, I've gotta hand it to her for inducing such an enormous shock value. She certainly knows how to tell a great story, even if she is a big fat whopping liar!
My favorite part of Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is when she comments on her thoughts while watching Sister of the Traveling Period (er, Pants I mean) because I've said the same things about those movies. I highly doubt that pair of jeans fits both Blake Lively and America Ferrera, because they're totally the same size...and what ABOUT crotch sweat or periods? But I digress...Chelsea Handler's comments may disgust you or crack you up; for me, she does both. Her memoirs are definitely fun to read if you're looking for easy entertainment.
Handler's latest book is Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me (May 2011).
Read more book reviews at http://dreamworldbooks.com.
Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is comprised of stories about random, crazy adventures and incidents from Handler's past. This specific memoir also includes pictures to go along with the stories, which is an excellent addition that was absent from her previous books and definitely adds to its overall humor and value.
Although Handler glorifies taking a plethora of sleeping pills on a regular basis (among other types of random pills) and dedicates an entire chapter to learning how to masturbate at 8-years old, I've gotta hand it to her for inducing such an enormous shock value. She certainly knows how to tell a great story, even if she is a big fat whopping liar!
My favorite part of Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is when she comments on her thoughts while watching Sister of the Traveling Period (er, Pants I mean) because I've said the same things about those movies. I highly doubt that pair of jeans fits both Blake Lively and America Ferrera, because they're totally the same size...and what ABOUT crotch sweat or periods? But I digress...Chelsea Handler's comments may disgust you or crack you up; for me, she does both. Her memoirs are definitely fun to read if you're looking for easy entertainment.
Handler's latest book is Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me (May 2011).
Read more book reviews at http://dreamworldbooks.com.
December 15, 2011
Chelsea is great, but this book is "a hot mess".
The first two or three chapters are fun, but then Chelsea runs out of steam or something and just falls on her face.
The book dies for me in the middle somewhere, when Chelsea tells a rather sleazy story about trying to get her chauffeur some action on vacation, and it turns into a drunken spectacle with some insane woman calling Chelsea a bitch and pushing her around a little.
That chapter is clearly missing details, either because they're too stupid to print or Chelsea was too wasted to remember the incident clearly. Regardless, that chapter is a rotten apple to chew through, and the taste just lingers on from there.
One chapter is just a set of email exchanges between her and her family members; no, not paraphrased, just printed out emails, with some messages in ALL_CAPS and everything. Really Chelsea, a whole recycled chapter that you didn't even write? That's pathetically lazy, even for you.
The final chapter is about how she got her dog, which I had no patience for by then and simply glossed over, closed the book, and sighed, "Boring!"
The first two or three chapters are fun, but then Chelsea runs out of steam or something and just falls on her face.
The book dies for me in the middle somewhere, when Chelsea tells a rather sleazy story about trying to get her chauffeur some action on vacation, and it turns into a drunken spectacle with some insane woman calling Chelsea a bitch and pushing her around a little.
That chapter is clearly missing details, either because they're too stupid to print or Chelsea was too wasted to remember the incident clearly. Regardless, that chapter is a rotten apple to chew through, and the taste just lingers on from there.
One chapter is just a set of email exchanges between her and her family members; no, not paraphrased, just printed out emails, with some messages in ALL_CAPS and everything. Really Chelsea, a whole recycled chapter that you didn't even write? That's pathetically lazy, even for you.
The final chapter is about how she got her dog, which I had no patience for by then and simply glossed over, closed the book, and sighed, "Boring!"
January 19, 2012
I write this review having enjoyed her other books, that were, you know, funny and outrageous stories, so my issue isn't really her subject matter. That said: this is a rambling bunch of foul-mouthed musings, none of which add up to single comprehensible story or even funny anecdote with a clear beginning, middle, and end. Each chapter is basically:
1) Intro the story with a horrifying metaphor, set up what could has potential for a funny story
2) Jam in a sidebar of something totally unrelated that is moderately funny and didn't merit a whole story
3) Return to the rambling nonsense of the main story. The stories are basically like listening to your drunk friend try to tell you something REALLY FUNNY that JUST HAPPENED. Don't get me wrong, I liked her stories about being drunk in the first two books, but this one seemed like it was written while drunk. Just awful ramblings about her BFFs and their quirks, being rich and lazy, and tormenting her boyfriend.
4) All stories end with the distinct sense of "I guess you had to be there..."
1) Intro the story with a horrifying metaphor, set up what could has potential for a funny story
2) Jam in a sidebar of something totally unrelated that is moderately funny and didn't merit a whole story
3) Return to the rambling nonsense of the main story. The stories are basically like listening to your drunk friend try to tell you something REALLY FUNNY that JUST HAPPENED. Don't get me wrong, I liked her stories about being drunk in the first two books, but this one seemed like it was written while drunk. Just awful ramblings about her BFFs and their quirks, being rich and lazy, and tormenting her boyfriend.
4) All stories end with the distinct sense of "I guess you had to be there..."
April 14, 2010
My sister left me a copy of Chelsea Handler's new novel Chelsea, Chelsea Bang Bang. If I find myself having insomnia and up late, I tune in to her late night talk show on E! She is raunchy and snarky. I first started watching her on the web series, "In The Motherhood". She was so funny in the role as a mother. Her character was a a hapless mother who would rather be having a cocktail than making sure her kids were doing homework. She was also on Girls Behaving Badly for a while, but I only saw an episode or two of that, realizing it was crap.
I bought her older book, Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea on a whim and thought it was pretty funny, if not mildly disturbing. It certainly made me feel like a model citizen after reading about her drunken and sexual escapades. This third book of hers is just like the rest. It's like reading a transcription of one of her stand up monologues. I didn't find it as funny as the other ones, and I agree with her self-assessment of her books here: “I never expected to be on the New York Times Best-Seller list. . . I had a feeling my second one might because of the show, but for both of them to still be on the list is absurd and silly.”
I am convinced she is a much better stand up comedian than a writer, but apparently people like her books!
It was ok to read sitting on the porch with a glass of wine or dozing off to sleep. not one I would recommend to anyone.
I bought her older book, Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea on a whim and thought it was pretty funny, if not mildly disturbing. It certainly made me feel like a model citizen after reading about her drunken and sexual escapades. This third book of hers is just like the rest. It's like reading a transcription of one of her stand up monologues. I didn't find it as funny as the other ones, and I agree with her self-assessment of her books here: “I never expected to be on the New York Times Best-Seller list. . . I had a feeling my second one might because of the show, but for both of them to still be on the list is absurd and silly.”
I am convinced she is a much better stand up comedian than a writer, but apparently people like her books!
It was ok to read sitting on the porch with a glass of wine or dozing off to sleep. not one I would recommend to anyone.
March 20, 2010
I am a fan of Chelsea Handler's late night talks how on E! and an avid recommender of her two previous books about the craziness that is her life. However, Handler's third effort, "Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang" falls short, especially in compared to the laugh out loud until you cried stories of her previous two books.
I don't know if the lack of hilarity is due to a rush on the author's part to get the book to print or if she is slacking because she knows she has a solid fan base. I certainly hope that if it is one of these to reasons that it is the former instead of the latter. I was so excited to get my hands on a copy of this book and I am sad to admit that it didn't live up to the nightly plugs on Chelsea Lately or the level of writing ability as her previous two books.
The stories in this latest set of mini-memoirs were too long and drawn out and poorly chosen. Or... maybe she is running out of good and printable material! I most certainly hope that is not the case.
Sigh, Chelsea Handler - I think you are hilarious and stay up later than I should to watch your show during the week, but this book left me wanting a lot more than I got. Better luck next time, k?
I don't know if the lack of hilarity is due to a rush on the author's part to get the book to print or if she is slacking because she knows she has a solid fan base. I certainly hope that if it is one of these to reasons that it is the former instead of the latter. I was so excited to get my hands on a copy of this book and I am sad to admit that it didn't live up to the nightly plugs on Chelsea Lately or the level of writing ability as her previous two books.
The stories in this latest set of mini-memoirs were too long and drawn out and poorly chosen. Or... maybe she is running out of good and printable material! I most certainly hope that is not the case.
Sigh, Chelsea Handler - I think you are hilarious and stay up later than I should to watch your show during the week, but this book left me wanting a lot more than I got. Better luck next time, k?
Want to read
April 7, 2010More foulmouthed hijinks by America's favorite White Trash Jewish American Princess!
Though, a fault thus far noticed: Chelsea's essay on her campaign for getting the Cabbage Patch Kid which will set her apart on the playground ends with a photograph of Young Miss Handler holding aforementioned Cabbage Patch Doll -a sort of trophy shot.
But, throughout the essay, she describes the Doll of her Dreams as being brunette. The one in the photograph is blonde. Which is it, Chelsea? Which. Is. It?
Also, Young Miss Handler complains to her parents that she wants a CPD with one dimple. Not two, and not undimpled as the undimpled variety look too much like "Chucky".
Timeline problem, you see: the CPD craze peaked in 1982/83 - Child's Play wasn't released until the late 1980s.
This Chronological Dyslexia has occurred in other essays by Handler - parents beware: this book is not to be used as a historical document, no matter the ruling of the Texas Schoolboard.
Though, a fault thus far noticed: Chelsea's essay on her campaign for getting the Cabbage Patch Kid which will set her apart on the playground ends with a photograph of Young Miss Handler holding aforementioned Cabbage Patch Doll -a sort of trophy shot.
But, throughout the essay, she describes the Doll of her Dreams as being brunette. The one in the photograph is blonde. Which is it, Chelsea? Which. Is. It?
Also, Young Miss Handler complains to her parents that she wants a CPD with one dimple. Not two, and not undimpled as the undimpled variety look too much like "Chucky".
Timeline problem, you see: the CPD craze peaked in 1982/83 - Child's Play wasn't released until the late 1980s.
This Chronological Dyslexia has occurred in other essays by Handler - parents beware: this book is not to be used as a historical document, no matter the ruling of the Texas Schoolboard.
March 14, 2010
I am a Chelsea Handler fan and I became a fan because of her first book, My Horizontal Life, so I expect her books to be funny. This one, however, is not. It's a mess. Most of the entries are more mean-spirited than funny and the stories are very sloppily written. I think the book is a failed imitation of David Sedaris. It's as if her literary agent handed Chelsea a copy of Me Talk Pretty One Day and said, "You have wacky friends and family. Write (or have your ghost writer write) something like this."
March 23, 2010
I actually really enjoyed the 3rd book, maybe even more than the other 2. I liked that a lot of the stories involved Ted and the practical jokes he has to live through. I also LOVED that there were pictures involved throughout the book...it made the story lines much more believable and gave a great visual to go with her short stories. Because I watch her show nightly, I can see the stories play out much more clearly than I would be able to if I was just a reader w/ no knowledge of her sense of humor. Chelsea....tip of my hat, to you, girl!
December 26, 2014
I've wanted to read this for a long time, and when I finally got around to it, I didn't find it funny at all :(
I guess I'm over her.
I guess I'm over her.
November 9, 2015
Pretty good fluff book, I needed something to make me laugh :)
July 26, 2017
I want to like Chelsea but I just don't... Too crude.
October 9, 2018
It was really funny, and read like a comedy skit. She might be making some things up but it's really funny nonetheless. What put me off was the overuse of stereotypes and offensive jokes that just put me off. Like one or two, I get it, do what you want. But multiple gay bashing jokes, making fun of trans people, the one muslim person mentioned in your book rides a camel? Jesus christ dude.
June 20, 2020
A Gilbert Gottfried, Fran Drescher, and Janice from Friends threesome would be more enjoyable than this steaming pile of shit. Something gets lost in translation when Chelsea Handler writes versus her on tv. I regret every page read before pulling the bookmark, eviscerating the pages and throwing them into the recycling bin.
July 14, 2024
Funnier than I thought it would be
May 17, 2024
Bad and offensive and mean
October 9, 2012
1. Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is a collection of short essays that Chelsea has written about her childhood to her adulthood. Readers learn all about Handler, from her strange family to her mistakes with men. These life stories are so funny to read coming from the comedian Chelsea Handler.
2. I gave this book four stars. I thought most of the stories were hilarious, but I did enjoy Are You There Vodka? Its Me, Chelsea more than this book. I thought it was a great read to come home to after a stressful day at school. It kept me laughing and always wanting to read the next ridiculous story about her life.
3. “My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate," (Handler 22). This quotes completely sums up Chelsea's thoughts throughout the novel. She really lets the reader know the sarcastic truths behind her personality.
4. Because this book is written by a comedian, clearly the humor techniques flourished throughout the book. I saw countless metaphors and similes Handler used, along with some dark humor. Some hyperboles were thrown in along with Chelsea's struggles. I was able to recognize these techniques easily with what we were taught in class.
5. Again, I would recommend this book and Chelsea Handler's other books to any girls my age or even mothers looking for a good laugh. Her stories take the stress right off ones shoulders and instantly make you feel better about your own life. A reader won't stop laughing until the last sentence of this book, and maybe even a little while after that.
2. I gave this book four stars. I thought most of the stories were hilarious, but I did enjoy Are You There Vodka? Its Me, Chelsea more than this book. I thought it was a great read to come home to after a stressful day at school. It kept me laughing and always wanting to read the next ridiculous story about her life.
3. “My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate," (Handler 22). This quotes completely sums up Chelsea's thoughts throughout the novel. She really lets the reader know the sarcastic truths behind her personality.
4. Because this book is written by a comedian, clearly the humor techniques flourished throughout the book. I saw countless metaphors and similes Handler used, along with some dark humor. Some hyperboles were thrown in along with Chelsea's struggles. I was able to recognize these techniques easily with what we were taught in class.
5. Again, I would recommend this book and Chelsea Handler's other books to any girls my age or even mothers looking for a good laugh. Her stories take the stress right off ones shoulders and instantly make you feel better about your own life. A reader won't stop laughing until the last sentence of this book, and maybe even a little while after that.
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