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In Search of Adam
A taut and beautifully written debut novel by an exciting and accomplished new author.Motherless, rootless and unprotected, Jude Williams' childhood is fractured by the horror and experience of sexual abuse, forcing her to exist somewhere and nowhere in-between childhood and adulthood. Caught within the limitations of her own language and trapped within a family secret, Jude becomes the consequence of her mother's tragedy. As she moves through the 1980s, Jude's life is buffeted by choice and destiny and she collects experiences that layer her personal tragedy and plunge her into the darkest of worlds.
Caroline Smailes was born in Newcastle in 1973. In 2006 a chance remark on a daytime chat show caused Caroline to reconsider her life. She enrolled on an MA in Creative Writing at Manchester Metropolitan University and began to write In Search of Adam.Caroline is currently an Associate Lecturer for the Open University and lives in the North West with her husband and three children.
352 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 1, 2007
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews
January 16, 2009
There is something self-indulgently harrowing about this book. I’ve read enough fictional stories of abuse and neglect (including fiction based on auto/biographical accounts) to be able to determine the ones that have something important or true to say, but Caroline Smailes, in ‘In Search of Adam’ spends too much time layering the misery on with a trowel, then attempts to disguise the heavy-handedness with some tricks of layout and repetition. Indeed, the author tries very hard to make artwork of a child’s hopeless existence, and that didn’t sit well with me.
The book, overplayed as it is, actually serves to move the reader further and further away from any connection with real victims of abuse – while this might be a realistic description of a young girl’s development in such circumstances, Ms. Smaile’s handling of the subject is all off; the forces at work around Jude are not realistic, past events are contrived, her isolation is exaggerated and while it began as a wonderful exercise in forced pity, it could not, alas, be sustained at that pitch. Jude’s plight is further diminished by the timing of the wish-fulfilment scene (she confronts her father about the concealed truths and neglect that paved the way to abuse by a neighbour, self-harm and bulimia), which propels us into a phase where every stereotyped inevitability associated with child abuse is played out a few pages.
With all due sympathy to the writer, if she is writing from experience, she should first learn to tell a story before wallowing in this sort of prose... there is, sadly, an overwhelming amount of heartbreaking fact and fiction on the subject of child abuse and its results, and nearly all of it is better written – and a worthier read – than ‘In Search of Adam’
One last point that irked me - if her character's name was meant to draw upon Hardy's Jude, then Smailes should have a least paid him the respect of paying tribute to his subtlety and foreshadowing.
The book, overplayed as it is, actually serves to move the reader further and further away from any connection with real victims of abuse – while this might be a realistic description of a young girl’s development in such circumstances, Ms. Smaile’s handling of the subject is all off; the forces at work around Jude are not realistic, past events are contrived, her isolation is exaggerated and while it began as a wonderful exercise in forced pity, it could not, alas, be sustained at that pitch. Jude’s plight is further diminished by the timing of the wish-fulfilment scene (she confronts her father about the concealed truths and neglect that paved the way to abuse by a neighbour, self-harm and bulimia), which propels us into a phase where every stereotyped inevitability associated with child abuse is played out a few pages.
With all due sympathy to the writer, if she is writing from experience, she should first learn to tell a story before wallowing in this sort of prose... there is, sadly, an overwhelming amount of heartbreaking fact and fiction on the subject of child abuse and its results, and nearly all of it is better written – and a worthier read – than ‘In Search of Adam’
One last point that irked me - if her character's name was meant to draw upon Hardy's Jude, then Smailes should have a least paid him the respect of paying tribute to his subtlety and foreshadowing.
October 15, 2009
A good read, although it doesn’t feel quite right to say an enjoyable read.
There were things I liked about this book, and things I didn’t. I liked the use of changing typefaces and general font trickery. I think it added rather than detracted from the tone of the novel and helped to convey the different things going through the central characters head. I liked the chronological approach (it reminded me of ‘Tatty’).
I liked the earlier portions of the novel, when Jude was younger, despite the fact that these were the most uncomfortable sections to read. While reading them I was eager for her to grow up, to become older and thereby somehow safer, but once she was older I longed for the return of some of her limited innocence.
The later sections felt less strong to me, perhaps I’ve read too many novels about people with mental health problems, it’s hard for them to sound original. And that is one of my overall problems with the novel. At times I found it depressingly predictable. But that isn’t Smailes fault, it’s the fault of real-life.
I particularly liked the unexpected ‘Thoughts’ section at the end where Smailes herself enters the text. Clever and thought-provoking.
There were things I liked about this book, and things I didn’t. I liked the use of changing typefaces and general font trickery. I think it added rather than detracted from the tone of the novel and helped to convey the different things going through the central characters head. I liked the chronological approach (it reminded me of ‘Tatty’).
I liked the earlier portions of the novel, when Jude was younger, despite the fact that these were the most uncomfortable sections to read. While reading them I was eager for her to grow up, to become older and thereby somehow safer, but once she was older I longed for the return of some of her limited innocence.
The later sections felt less strong to me, perhaps I’ve read too many novels about people with mental health problems, it’s hard for them to sound original. And that is one of my overall problems with the novel. At times I found it depressingly predictable. But that isn’t Smailes fault, it’s the fault of real-life.
I particularly liked the unexpected ‘Thoughts’ section at the end where Smailes herself enters the text. Clever and thought-provoking.
May 12, 2008
I have a big problem with formatting that deviates from the standard type set and font. That being said, I was probably doomed going into this book, which takes lots of liberty with layout, using different text sizes, floofy fonts, and weird on-the-page arrangement to emphasize the scattered, confused mind of an abused young girl. The conceit of the novel was interesting, but in the end, completely maddening. It was a long slog toward an unfulfilling (and predictable) conclusion. I don't usually rally for redemption endings, liking the more realistic, depressing endings as a rule, but this just seemed pointless. On a brighter note, the first person perspective must have been a challenge, and in many areas, the articulation of the thoughts of a six, eight, and ten year old was effective and haunting. Hate hate hated the epilogue... felt very split personality.
June 29, 2008
I savored this book slowly. It's a heart-wrenching story, which I needed to read in small doses, but it's a story that needs to be told and Smailes tells it well. I was fascinated by her use of font and experimentation with grammar and thought she used it to good effect. Highly recommended.
October 16, 2009
This is Jude's story..it blew me away ...it's distressing and difficult and the story of unbelievable horror, I read it with tears streaming down my face,so it's not one for the faint hearted....
Extremely well written in a very unique style..
Extremely well written in a very unique style..
December 13, 2012
i dont think i am ever going to finish this book.. it s simply too dark , too miserable for my taste..
December 4, 2017
As I started reading this book, I actually wondered whether it was really 'my thing' and whether is was worth starting. However, that soon changed. I was so quickly drawn in to this story,,,,, in to this child's world. And there were times I smiled for her, but most of the time my heart was torn. I went through such waves of emotion..... anger at neighbours, parents, strangers, teachers, life.... but not a destructive anger, an anger that made remember why I stand up for the underdog and why we have a responsibility for others.
It is a painful story - but without slush or sentimentality. It is hard story - but told with such ease in language.
I will hold on to this book and encourage everyone to read it.
Beautifully and empathetically told - what an amazing author.
It is a painful story - but without slush or sentimentality. It is hard story - but told with such ease in language.
I will hold on to this book and encourage everyone to read it.
Beautifully and empathetically told - what an amazing author.
April 8, 2020
I’m not sure I was in the mood for this book, I found it buried in the forgotten depths of my Kindle, thought I would tackle it, but found it a bit predictable and flicked through chunks of it. Having said that, from a different mood and experience of life it might be sensitive and enlightening. It’s one of those books that probably depends who you are and when you pick it up, so I neither recommend or don’t recommend, though I would put a massive trigger alert on it for people who are in the midst of dealing with their own harrowing stuff.
August 24, 2025
To say I love this book sounds a bit odd as it is a very dark, depressing story which was very hard to read in places. But I was completely 100% invested in
Jude’s story and simply could not put it down. It was well written and I loved the use of different fonts. I feel so sad. Is that it is finished and so sad for a Jude but I can’t wait to read something else by this wonderful author.
Jude’s story and simply could not put it down. It was well written and I loved the use of different fonts. I feel so sad. Is that it is finished and so sad for a Jude but I can’t wait to read something else by this wonderful author.
May 25, 2017
Not sure how I feel about this desperately sad story but I finished it .......
September 26, 2019
A bit to depressing for me.
June 27, 2014
I picked this up as someone I’m following gave it a high rating, and it sounded rather intriguing, although definitely not an easy read.
Jude’s life is tinged with tragedy from an early age – she is just 6 years old when she finds her mother after she has committed suicide. This devastating event obviously has a huge effect on Jude’s life, that of her father and of their relationship and life together.
Jude tells noone of the note that she found with her mother that explained she had gone to search for Adam, but keeps it in a tin to which she adds mementos from other life-defining moments throughout her life.
Jude’s shattered childhood seems to leave her in the dark side of the world, leaving her open to abuse (both mental and sexual) as we follow her through her young life in the 80s.
Well!
I have read some very bleak and difficult books over the years, dealing with all sorts of subjects – I wont shy away from something just because I think it might make me feel uncomfortable. I think child abuse and murder were dealt with extremely effectively in both the fantastic Sugar & Spice and Blood Guilt for example.
But oh. my. God. This wasn’t just grim, this wasn’t just harrowing, this was MISERABLE. It was literally just a study in misery. I was so grateful when the book came to an end as I was completely mentally exhausted.
It was a bit like one of those onions you get that look OKish from the outside, but then you notice that the top couple of layers are a bit mouldy, so you peel further down thinking you’re going to get to a nice clean layer in a minute, and it’s only once you get down to the middle that you realise it was rotten all the way through after all.
It was gruelling to read. I know that there is no doubt an argument to say that there really are kids in the country that are going through the same kind of thing in reality and that this story should bring people’s attention to how kids can be affected by their experiences, but I have to say, it actually felt far too miserable and grim to even feel believable.
It felt that it had been written to make a point, although I feel that I missed the point that it was trying to make. There was a lot of repetition in the story too, which was admittedly Jude’s way of dealing with things, and taking comfort in familiarity, but unlike the captivating OCD moments in Into the Darkest Corner, they felt rather superfluous and rather much like padding.
At the end of the book, there was a rather self-indulgent feeling Q&A with the author, that I read out of sheer fascination, but felt even more horrified by to be quite honest.
I am sure that there are a lot of fantastic reviews of this book around – it feels like that kind of ‘worthy’ book that people will rate highly as it’s tackling a taboo subject, and pushing the expectations of readers. But for me, it was more like reading a terrible report on child cruelty that went on for 300 pages, with no form of ‘entertainment’ for the reader that I feel is acceptable to expect from a noevl.
Of course, that’s just MY opinion ;) Don’t let me put you off!
Actually, I have just noticed that Caroline Smailes also wrote Like Bees to Honey which I didn’t enjoy either as I found it so badly repetitive! Hopefully I will remember the name next time!
Jude’s life is tinged with tragedy from an early age – she is just 6 years old when she finds her mother after she has committed suicide. This devastating event obviously has a huge effect on Jude’s life, that of her father and of their relationship and life together.
Jude tells noone of the note that she found with her mother that explained she had gone to search for Adam, but keeps it in a tin to which she adds mementos from other life-defining moments throughout her life.
Jude’s shattered childhood seems to leave her in the dark side of the world, leaving her open to abuse (both mental and sexual) as we follow her through her young life in the 80s.
Well!
I have read some very bleak and difficult books over the years, dealing with all sorts of subjects – I wont shy away from something just because I think it might make me feel uncomfortable. I think child abuse and murder were dealt with extremely effectively in both the fantastic Sugar & Spice and Blood Guilt for example.
But oh. my. God. This wasn’t just grim, this wasn’t just harrowing, this was MISERABLE. It was literally just a study in misery. I was so grateful when the book came to an end as I was completely mentally exhausted.
It was a bit like one of those onions you get that look OKish from the outside, but then you notice that the top couple of layers are a bit mouldy, so you peel further down thinking you’re going to get to a nice clean layer in a minute, and it’s only once you get down to the middle that you realise it was rotten all the way through after all.
It was gruelling to read. I know that there is no doubt an argument to say that there really are kids in the country that are going through the same kind of thing in reality and that this story should bring people’s attention to how kids can be affected by their experiences, but I have to say, it actually felt far too miserable and grim to even feel believable.
It felt that it had been written to make a point, although I feel that I missed the point that it was trying to make. There was a lot of repetition in the story too, which was admittedly Jude’s way of dealing with things, and taking comfort in familiarity, but unlike the captivating OCD moments in Into the Darkest Corner, they felt rather superfluous and rather much like padding.
At the end of the book, there was a rather self-indulgent feeling Q&A with the author, that I read out of sheer fascination, but felt even more horrified by to be quite honest.
I am sure that there are a lot of fantastic reviews of this book around – it feels like that kind of ‘worthy’ book that people will rate highly as it’s tackling a taboo subject, and pushing the expectations of readers. But for me, it was more like reading a terrible report on child cruelty that went on for 300 pages, with no form of ‘entertainment’ for the reader that I feel is acceptable to expect from a noevl.
Of course, that’s just MY opinion ;) Don’t let me put you off!
Actually, I have just noticed that Caroline Smailes also wrote Like Bees to Honey which I didn’t enjoy either as I found it so badly repetitive! Hopefully I will remember the name next time!
July 13, 2014
When she is seven years old, Jude finds her mother dead from an overdose.
A bottle of pills lay scattered on the bedside table and there is a note. Jude approaches her mother carefully, slowly. The note says: Jude, I have gone in search of Adam I love you baby.
Jude doesn’t understand. She climbs into bed with her dead mother and curls up beside her, taking in the last of her mother’s warmth. Taking in the last of her mother. She does not understand that her mother can’t come back. She doesn’t understand that she won’t be coming back, Adam in tow beside her.
Her mother’s death starts Jude on a downward spiral. Floating through a sea of emotions, she is adrift and without her mother, there is nothing to anchor her. She tries to find love from her father only to have him look at her strangely. There is no acceptance there; there is no love.
Jude begins to keep a book, a diary of sorts, where she collects anchors, where she gathers information to keep her grounded, so that she has something to hold on to. Something to mark time. She collects the number of coloured doors on the street, the number and colour of cars. The names Information on the neighbours, some nicer than others.
Something happens to Jude shortly after her mother’s funeral that shatters something inside herself. Having no one to turn to for guidance, all Jude can do is collect, gather, observe.
And wait for her mothers return.
In Search of Adam is flat out incredible. We’re only part way through 2007 and I can state without a doubt that In Search of Adam is the best novel of the year. Hell, it may very well be the best novel I’ve read in years. I don’t have enough words to describe how good, how amazing, how mind blowing this novel is. I can’t find the words, they escape me.
In Search of Adam left me breathless.
Jude is an incredible protagonist. She is the ultimate observer, taking in all and everything around her; you live through Jude, you breathe through her. This is her world and her life and you are looking through her eyes. She has been drawn so beautifully, so completely, that I found myself looking for her when I wasn’t reading the book. She haunts me. While reading the novel I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her close to me. It has been an incredibly long time since I’ve been so moved by a book.
This is a grim book but never have child abuse, suicide, rape, emotional issues and death been written about so beautifully. Caroline Smailes is no mere writer; In Search of Adam is no mere book. She is a wordsmith, an artist and In Search of Adam is a moving, changing, gorgeous piece of word art; a tapestry that lives and breathes beyond its pages.
In Search of Adam is not just a novel you read. It’s a journey you take with Jude, holding on to her hand for dear life and watching, feeling everything that happens to her. Are you brave enough to take her hand? This is a book you don’t want to miss, a story that will move you and a journey that will touch your heart in its darkest places.
I am staring at the book as it sits on my coffee table and I can hear Jude calling to me. She still haunts me though I have closed the book; but I will pick it up again soon. Now, though, I run my fingers over the cover, over the image of Jude and know that, when I meet her again, I will know her.
A bottle of pills lay scattered on the bedside table and there is a note. Jude approaches her mother carefully, slowly. The note says: Jude, I have gone in search of Adam I love you baby.
Jude doesn’t understand. She climbs into bed with her dead mother and curls up beside her, taking in the last of her mother’s warmth. Taking in the last of her mother. She does not understand that her mother can’t come back. She doesn’t understand that she won’t be coming back, Adam in tow beside her.
Her mother’s death starts Jude on a downward spiral. Floating through a sea of emotions, she is adrift and without her mother, there is nothing to anchor her. She tries to find love from her father only to have him look at her strangely. There is no acceptance there; there is no love.
Jude begins to keep a book, a diary of sorts, where she collects anchors, where she gathers information to keep her grounded, so that she has something to hold on to. Something to mark time. She collects the number of coloured doors on the street, the number and colour of cars. The names Information on the neighbours, some nicer than others.
Something happens to Jude shortly after her mother’s funeral that shatters something inside herself. Having no one to turn to for guidance, all Jude can do is collect, gather, observe.
And wait for her mothers return.
In Search of Adam is flat out incredible. We’re only part way through 2007 and I can state without a doubt that In Search of Adam is the best novel of the year. Hell, it may very well be the best novel I’ve read in years. I don’t have enough words to describe how good, how amazing, how mind blowing this novel is. I can’t find the words, they escape me.
In Search of Adam left me breathless.
Jude is an incredible protagonist. She is the ultimate observer, taking in all and everything around her; you live through Jude, you breathe through her. This is her world and her life and you are looking through her eyes. She has been drawn so beautifully, so completely, that I found myself looking for her when I wasn’t reading the book. She haunts me. While reading the novel I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her close to me. It has been an incredibly long time since I’ve been so moved by a book.
This is a grim book but never have child abuse, suicide, rape, emotional issues and death been written about so beautifully. Caroline Smailes is no mere writer; In Search of Adam is no mere book. She is a wordsmith, an artist and In Search of Adam is a moving, changing, gorgeous piece of word art; a tapestry that lives and breathes beyond its pages.
In Search of Adam is not just a novel you read. It’s a journey you take with Jude, holding on to her hand for dear life and watching, feeling everything that happens to her. Are you brave enough to take her hand? This is a book you don’t want to miss, a story that will move you and a journey that will touch your heart in its darkest places.
I am staring at the book as it sits on my coffee table and I can hear Jude calling to me. She still haunts me though I have closed the book; but I will pick it up again soon. Now, though, I run my fingers over the cover, over the image of Jude and know that, when I meet her again, I will know her.
Read
February 8, 2016I don't think I've ever been so unsure about how I feel about a book before. There was a lot I hated about it but it was really compelling and I found myself enjoying the read. I suppose I felt there had to be a 'reward' after putting up with the typos and irritating writing style, and half expected the typos might be deliberate. The darkness and grittiness of Jude's situation was the compelling part. Judging by the author's Q&A (of sorts) in the back of the book, it would seem she often gets asked whether any of the story is based on experience. I suppose people want to know before they decide how to judge whether she has a right to write about such things without experiencing them, or whether they they can dismiss it all as unbelievable. I can understand then why she's deliberately vague in her answer, but I also found the Q&A the most annoying part of the book. I think she'd have been better off saying nothing, because what does it matter? Yes, this sort of thing did and does happen, and of course she has a right to write about it. There is a kind of responsibility to write WELL about it though, and that's the bit I can't decide about. I feel it could have been better to write more in depth about the issues, without faffing about with layout and repeating repeating repeating words one two three four five six times, I guess in an effort to reflect Jude's mental state and obsessive nature, but I'm also in support of creativity. I do think it fell short of something. I will have to balance it out at 3 stars. I know this was her first book and seemingly not one that's heavily promoted now, so I'm fairly curious to read more of her work at some point.
October 20, 2011
"Jude, I have gone in search of Adam. I love you baby.
I didn’t understand. But I took the note. It was mine. I shoved it into the pocket of my grey school skirt. I crumpled it in. Then.”
Jude is just six years old (four months and two days) when she discovers the lifeless body of her mother. It shatters her young life and the hurt train keeps on coming.
Her father farms Jude off to various neighbours after the death of his wife while he begins a new relationship with Rita. One of these neighbours is Aunt Maggie at Number 30. It is here that Aunt Maggie’s brother, Eddie, sexually assaults Jude. And it is here that Jude begins a journey that twists her life in ways that are often impossible to read about.
Jude is desperate for attention – and it’s completely understandable since her father virtually ignores her. At school, one of her teachers takes a special interest in her, but it isn’t enough to save her from the hurt that is gnawing away at her insides; big girls don’t cry is Jude’s mantra.
Smailes writing is often beautiful, but unlike anything I’ve ever read before. Sentences are fractured and stagger across the page, perhaps to mimic Jude’s own thoughts. This isn’t one of those novels where a child endures horrors only to bounce back, more resilient than ever. In Search of Adam is almost relentlessly dark and as a mom, it was often extremely difficult to read.
But I couldn’t put it down.
I didn’t understand. But I took the note. It was mine. I shoved it into the pocket of my grey school skirt. I crumpled it in. Then.”
Jude is just six years old (four months and two days) when she discovers the lifeless body of her mother. It shatters her young life and the hurt train keeps on coming.
Her father farms Jude off to various neighbours after the death of his wife while he begins a new relationship with Rita. One of these neighbours is Aunt Maggie at Number 30. It is here that Aunt Maggie’s brother, Eddie, sexually assaults Jude. And it is here that Jude begins a journey that twists her life in ways that are often impossible to read about.
Jude is desperate for attention – and it’s completely understandable since her father virtually ignores her. At school, one of her teachers takes a special interest in her, but it isn’t enough to save her from the hurt that is gnawing away at her insides; big girls don’t cry is Jude’s mantra.
Smailes writing is often beautiful, but unlike anything I’ve ever read before. Sentences are fractured and stagger across the page, perhaps to mimic Jude’s own thoughts. This isn’t one of those novels where a child endures horrors only to bounce back, more resilient than ever. In Search of Adam is almost relentlessly dark and as a mom, it was often extremely difficult to read.
But I couldn’t put it down.
March 25, 2010
From http://nikperring.blogspot.com/:
So. I've had In Search of Adam, by the lovely and stupidly talented Caroline Smailes for, umm, just over a year. And I've only just read it.
My excuse, as is often the case, is when it's something I've a fair idea I'll love, I want to put it off until I find the time where I can enjoy it properly. And here's the thing: when it's a good book, when it IS something I love, I DO find the time.
And love In Search of Adam I did. So very much.
Jude's only six years old when she finds her mother dead; she's killed herself and the note she's left reads: 'Jude, I have gone in search of Adam.'
And so begins Jude's journey. It's a struggle against all the odds (including neglect and abuse) and what's so wonderful about the story is that it's never, ever sensationalised or sugar-coated. It is what it is: real, heart-breaking, brave, captivating and handled, as Dave Hill says on the back of the book, 'handled with outstanding sensitivity'.
What I also loved was how brave and clever the formatting is - at times the words on the page represent perfectly the scattered, confused thoughts of a desperate young girl
This could be my book of the year. Caroline Smailes' second novel, Black Boxes, almost claimed top spot last year and her third, Like Bees to Honey, is published in a couple of months; I am looking forward to it so, so much.
So. I've had In Search of Adam, by the lovely and stupidly talented Caroline Smailes for, umm, just over a year. And I've only just read it.
My excuse, as is often the case, is when it's something I've a fair idea I'll love, I want to put it off until I find the time where I can enjoy it properly. And here's the thing: when it's a good book, when it IS something I love, I DO find the time.
And love In Search of Adam I did. So very much.
Jude's only six years old when she finds her mother dead; she's killed herself and the note she's left reads: 'Jude, I have gone in search of Adam.'
And so begins Jude's journey. It's a struggle against all the odds (including neglect and abuse) and what's so wonderful about the story is that it's never, ever sensationalised or sugar-coated. It is what it is: real, heart-breaking, brave, captivating and handled, as Dave Hill says on the back of the book, 'handled with outstanding sensitivity'.
What I also loved was how brave and clever the formatting is - at times the words on the page represent perfectly the scattered, confused thoughts of a desperate young girl
This could be my book of the year. Caroline Smailes' second novel, Black Boxes, almost claimed top spot last year and her third, Like Bees to Honey, is published in a couple of months; I am looking forward to it so, so much.
October 31, 2013
Given the synopsis I certainly wasn’t expecting a happy read. In Search of Adam is a tough read because it can be incredibly graphic. I think the writing is the strength in this book.
Jude’s story is told very simply, but in an utterly believable way. My heart immediately went out to Jude and I just wanted things to get better for her. It is distressing, so I don’t think this book is for everyone.
I think what was particularly interesting was the way in which Caroline Smailes played with language to help the reader see the world from Jude’s eyes. Lists were used, rhyme and repetition, grammar was also played with. I think the lists attempted to show how Jude had to control her world. Sentences were often fragmented, which can be quite frustrating to read, but really show how Jude had to accept what was happening to her bit by bit.
Caroline Smailes ultimately made me root for Jude and want justice for her. I won’t say what happened because I don’t want to spoil it, but if you’re considering reading this book, read it with an open mind. Be ready to experience some frustrations.
Jude’s story is told very simply, but in an utterly believable way. My heart immediately went out to Jude and I just wanted things to get better for her. It is distressing, so I don’t think this book is for everyone.
I think what was particularly interesting was the way in which Caroline Smailes played with language to help the reader see the world from Jude’s eyes. Lists were used, rhyme and repetition, grammar was also played with. I think the lists attempted to show how Jude had to control her world. Sentences were often fragmented, which can be quite frustrating to read, but really show how Jude had to accept what was happening to her bit by bit.
Caroline Smailes ultimately made me root for Jude and want justice for her. I won’t say what happened because I don’t want to spoil it, but if you’re considering reading this book, read it with an open mind. Be ready to experience some frustrations.
March 3, 2011
If I am honest I bought this book because Caroline Smailes is a local author. I had not bothered to read the blurb, or even to find out what this book was about in any way whatsoever. I literally picked this book because of who the author is....and I'm glad I did.
This story follows Jude who starts out as a 6-7 year old child when her mother commits suicide. Jude is the one who finds her mothers body. The rest of the story revolves around Jude as she grows up, deals with denial, a new step mother, violence at home, feeling unloved and unwanted, rape, and as she grows older, Bullemia. As she has no one to help her and no one to rely on, her illness becomes her method of coping.
A very sad story and quite harrowing in some parts. Very easy to read. Gets right into the mind of a disturbed young individual and how she carries that through to her adult life.
This story follows Jude who starts out as a 6-7 year old child when her mother commits suicide. Jude is the one who finds her mothers body. The rest of the story revolves around Jude as she grows up, deals with denial, a new step mother, violence at home, feeling unloved and unwanted, rape, and as she grows older, Bullemia. As she has no one to help her and no one to rely on, her illness becomes her method of coping.
A very sad story and quite harrowing in some parts. Very easy to read. Gets right into the mind of a disturbed young individual and how she carries that through to her adult life.
March 21, 2012
I picked this up as a freebie on my Kindle ages ago and stored it away in my Freebies folder meaning to read it some day .... So glad I did, for this is an extraordinary book, even more so when you realise it is the author's debut novel.
In Search of Adam isn't an easy read - it deals with child abuse, paedophilia, mental health issues and much more. However, the characters are incredibly strong and though this is (presumably) fictional, you just know that all over the country/world there are kids going through exactly the same experiences. There were scenes in this book that truly shocked me and it left me feeling upset and deeply unsettled.
If you're looking for something light and fluffy this definitely isn't for you - but if you're prepared to jolted back to reality with a sickening thud give this a go.
In Search of Adam isn't an easy read - it deals with child abuse, paedophilia, mental health issues and much more. However, the characters are incredibly strong and though this is (presumably) fictional, you just know that all over the country/world there are kids going through exactly the same experiences. There were scenes in this book that truly shocked me and it left me feeling upset and deeply unsettled.
If you're looking for something light and fluffy this definitely isn't for you - but if you're prepared to jolted back to reality with a sickening thud give this a go.
July 29, 2014
A harrowing, heartbreaking tale of a young girl dealing with the death of a parent, paedophilia, abuse, neglect, mental illness, prostitution... I wanted a happy ending for her, I kept waiting for her to rise up from all the pain, but the terribly sad ending suited the story, and really, nothing else would have fitted.
I found the style original; written in the first person, through the eyes (and limited vocabulary) of the girl, it was moving and allowed the author to play around with grammatical rules. The ‘thoughts’ section at the end was a bit weird. I don’t think it added anything to the story, it might even have taken away from it.
I found the style original; written in the first person, through the eyes (and limited vocabulary) of the girl, it was moving and allowed the author to play around with grammatical rules. The ‘thoughts’ section at the end was a bit weird. I don’t think it added anything to the story, it might even have taken away from it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 20, 2014
Judging by the reviews, some people seem to miss the point of this book. It is a very tough read but it's one that should be pushed upon every adult in the country. The issues in this book are very real. There are many abused children in our midst. My hope is that this extremely well-written novel makes each of us more aware and alert. Many children don't have a voice. Many children just like Jude. Another important point is that bereavement in children is very often overlooked which can have far-reaching consequences. This novel is realism at its finest. Thank you for writing it, Caroline Smailes.
December 31, 2011
I really wanted to love this book. It had everything I could ask for, but...
I felt myself falling into a heart breaking melancholic state of mind. Even after a fine day my spirit would drop and my eyes burn with dry tears. It opened up Pandora's box and revealed things that were perhaps best forgotten.
It left me feeling raped.
The book feels very real and somehow important to finish but more then once I wondered if the author hadn't gone too far.
I felt myself falling into a heart breaking melancholic state of mind. Even after a fine day my spirit would drop and my eyes burn with dry tears. It opened up Pandora's box and revealed things that were perhaps best forgotten.
It left me feeling raped.
The book feels very real and somehow important to finish but more then once I wondered if the author hadn't gone too far.
October 20, 2015
A disturbing and moving tale - 6-year-old Jude wakes one morning to find her mother has committed suicide and left her a note saying she has 'gone in search of Adam' - not understanding what has happened or who Adam is, Jude's life begins a downward spiral as she suffers a variety of setbacks, including sexual and emotional abuse from people she should be able to rely on. Certainly not a 'feel good' read but an excellent and gripping read nonetheless. 8/10.
August 16, 2013
The story is told using Jude's voice. Jude is six at the start of the story and a young adult at the end. I felt that I really did get inside her mind at the same time as wishing from an observer's perspective that she hadn't been failed by so many people and systems. It was dark as some reviewers have said, but the subject matter meant that was pretty much an inevitability. The ending is equally inevitable unfortunately but absolutely right - there was nowhere else for it to go.
May 15, 2012
I was very unsure of this book. The plot is fabulous but the way it was written was not for me. I understand the main character Jude had a mental illness but I couldn't get into her way of thinking. The story left me feeling sad and uncomfortable. Having said that I would give another book by this author a try.
December 31, 2016
As hard going as I found the content, I had a feeling it was based on a true story and so wanted to finish it to see if she'd be okay after such a dreadful childhood.
Gripping, sad, awful, stomach turning, I never want to read another book of this genre.
Castration would be too good for 'Uncle Eddie'. I don't know what else to say really, it's just tragic.
Gripping, sad, awful, stomach turning, I never want to read another book of this genre.
Castration would be too good for 'Uncle Eddie'. I don't know what else to say really, it's just tragic.
February 6, 2012
I thought that
In Search of Adam
was an outstanding story, a wake up call and an unforgettable experience. I see people leaving comments like "You keep waiting for the happy ending." All I can say is life isn't a fairytale for everyone, not every story has a happy ending.
May 17, 2016
This is a tear-jerker of a book. I genuinely couldn't read it last thing at night as it is just too sad.
I'm not a fan of what I term miserylit, but there is nothing sensationalist or voyeuristic about this. It's simply the tragic story of a neglected and deeply unhappy little girl as she tries to find out who and where is Adam, and why her mother has gone looking for him.
I'm not a fan of what I term miserylit, but there is nothing sensationalist or voyeuristic about this. It's simply the tragic story of a neglected and deeply unhappy little girl as she tries to find out who and where is Adam, and why her mother has gone looking for him.
January 13, 2011
ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS BOOK!! was a birthday present in 2009 and i love it!! so easy to read, captivates you right from the start and was based on a time and childhood i could relate to. I tell everyone I know they should read this book!
Im currently reading the 2nd one in set Disraeli Avenue.
Im currently reading the 2nd one in set Disraeli Avenue.
January 20, 2011
Terrible book, a bit like a car-crash. You keep waiting for the happy ending, but instead you get the author trying to be all modern, or post-modern, or something like that, and it doesn't work, it doesn't make sense, and it pisses you off that you bothered to read that far.
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