Narcissistic Lovers: How to Cope, Recover and Move On: How to Cope, Recover and Move on

by Cynthia Zayn

In a revealing study of relationships where partners love themselves first, last, and always, Cynthia Zayn and Kevin Dibble help readers determine whether their partner is over the line and has narcissistic personality disorder. The book draws on the authors' research and interviews with a variety of men and women who've been narcissized. Featuring compelling stories and scenarios, Narcissistic Lovers helps victims understand the pain brought on by their abusers, shows why these self-loathers can't change, and offer hope for healing from their "N-fliction."

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Relationships, Nonfiction

208 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 30, 2007

About the author

Cynthia Zayn is the mother of three children and three grandchildren. She lives outside of Atlanta, Georgia and is a frequent contributor to the Chicken Soup for the Soul series. Her other works include the first and second editions of Narcissistic Lovers: How to Cope Recover and Move On (Named “One of the 16 Best Books on Narcissism” by choosingtherapy.com), the books Finding the Rest: A Guide to Discovering Emotional Peace Amid the Turmoil, To Have and to Hold: ‘til Rest Do You Part, and The Hungry Student’s Companion: A Guide to Permanently Retaining Information through the Use of Mnemonics. Her current projects include a novelty cookbook and a collection of short stories.
When she is not writing, she enjoys spending time with friends and family, and playing “Zombie Hide-and-Seek” with her grandson.
Before retiring to pursue a full-time writing career, she taught Literature and Composition inside and outside of the United States. Other interests and careers have included event-planner, make-up artist, beauty pageant director, design consultant, and free-lance editor.
Though she enjoys traveling, and has lived in various places, the idyllic, laid-back charm and the verdant, picturesque scenery of Georgia, resonated with her southern roots, making it the perfect place to call home.

Reviews

[Veronica N · Rating 4 out of 5]

I must say that this book definitely helped me understand that my ex had NPD tendencies. There is a part in the book that has you list traits and things an "N" has done that matches the disorder. Mine was over 3 pages long, HELLO! I also learned that I am a co-dependent type of personality, which is why the break up was so difficult on me and why this relationship was so toxic for someone of my personality type. Definitely helped me in realizing my own faults and I will use what I learned to never date an "N" again. Very helpful to know I was not alone in my experiences and vulnerabilities.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a great book. I recently had a narcissist destroy my life. I realize now that his behavior fits almost every category in this book, despite him being a creepy little loser, and never much caring about his looks, the book explains his behavior perfectly. Made me feel better, and worse. Too bad I didn't read this book before I had a relationship with this deeply troubled man. :(

[Jacque · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vampires.

[Melissa Hiett · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a really great book addressing the plight of the partner of a narcissus. Unfortunately, the very nature of a narcissus, what their makeup is, they cannot allow for the possibility that they are less than perfect. Therefore, it is impossible for them to have insight as to their character defects. So, unless you are willing to live with them the way they are, and accept the blame for the shortcomings of the relationship, you should end this relationship.

After I read this, it was very clear to me and yet it is difficult to accept.

[Pam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Depressing but helpful. This book has a clear definition of NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). If you are involved with a narcissist, you should recogize the signs immediately. I just think it's depressing that there's nothing you can do to save the relationship. This is not the books fault, of course, but it's still depressing. If your relationship started out well, but the romance was replaced by insults---read this and move on.

[Lilian · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a great help if you are at the receiving end of a narcissist's bad behavior. It is one of the best books I have read on NPD because the authors get down to the nitty gritty of how to recognise narcissistic behavior and how to protect yourself from it. It will be more difficult to keep making excuses for the narcissist in your life after reading this book.

If you are a narcissist, Alexander Lowen's 'Narcissism: Denial of the True Self' might be a more useful resource.

If you are not sure where on the scale of narcissism you are or where another person might be, this website has a short quiz that you can fill in for yourself or for the person you think might be a narcissist. It's not a diagnostic scale by any means but quite interesting: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/r...

[Chantelle Newcombe · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book a real 'eye opener'! For me, it made so much sense with what I've endured in family life, as well as in relationships. I could see why I'm drawn to certain individuals and equally, how they are drawn to me and for what benefit! Well worth the read if you feel that you are a poor soul, constantly being trod on in life by others!

[M · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent!

[Pancho Pickett · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very practical. Storyline examples and teaching rather than textbook instruction. Learned that narcissism isn't what many people subscribe to narcissists.

[Lesley · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is in serious need of an editor. It's full of typos and even typographical problems. But most importantly, I HATE the way the author switches randomly from "he" to "she" when talking about the narcissist or the "victim." It's confusing. But I did learn some things. What a terrible affliction -- I think maybe it's the worst thing that can happen to a person in their psychological development. So sad.

[Susan Wheeler]

Thank God

This book saved my life and set me free, knowledge is power and that will NEVER......EVER.....happen to me again !!!!!! Thank you so much, loved it, could not put it down !!!!

[ellen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very enlightening.

[Beverly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is great for those that have loved or been in a relationship with a narcissist/ this book saved my emotional life!!!!

[Café Sanctuary · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helps anyone who believes they're in a relationship with a narcissist.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

So many real life examples of arguments the narcissist starts. This book isnt just about partner relationships. Everything in it applies to any relationships or interactions with a narcissist in your life. Great reminders their rage episodes are all about control they feel they are losing or need to get back. Not control of their rage or emotional outburst, but control of you and/or the situation. As soon as they have control back via a reaction from you (because even negative attention or anger is a reaction they want), they slide easily into behaving like nothing happened. While your are left with your head spinning, or crying, or angry, wondering what just happened or how it happened. Rage is a defense mechanism in a narcissist as they fear their true self being discovered. As soon as you call them out on their bad behavior, watch the ragw come out as insults, verbal attacks, twisting to blame you, or coming out of left field with some topic and attacking for that. Even when things are good, if you are not providing narcissistic supply, they will either find it elsewhere (& say they looked for it because you werent worthy) or pick a fight to get negative attentioj. And thats how they "win" and feed their supply.

[Rae Ells · Rating 2 out of 5]

The subject matter of the book is very important... However, there were some glaring issues that made reading it extremely frustrating. I understand the reason for using he and she for the narcissistic examples, but the way in which they were used was not consistent. At one point we were talking about a he, and suddenly in the same paragraph, he became she. It lacks continuity and makes following to the conclusion very difficult for the reader. Be consistent!

The book was mostly a series of stories about various characters and their poor relationship choices. It had a LOT of redundancy. It felt like the author was trying desperately to add filler to make the book longer. People reading this book likely aren't interested in filler, but want to know more about the workings of a narcissist and how to respond to one. We want to be given tools and information for when we are faced with narcissistic abuse. Unfortunately, this book provided some information, but almost no guidance as to how to respond to a narcissist that one is forced to deal with regularly.

[Lindsey Burpee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely one of my favorite books on narcissism!


Have you ever wondered if you are in (or have been in) a relationship with a narcissist? This book will help you learn to identify those with Narcissistic Personality Order, whether they are lovers, friends, siblings, or even parents.

The author has a way of explaining things without making them seem clinical or confusing. There are even case studies based on people in relationships with Narcissists as well as studies based on Narcissists, themselves. There are also quizzes in the book that you can take to help you see the likelihood of your own narcissistic or codependent tendencies.

I have read both editions of this book and suggest reading the second edition as the editor’s awkward use of pronouns as an attempt to be less discriminating toward one gender or the other has been corrected and it is a MUCH smoother read.

It is definitely one of my favorite books on Narcissism!

[Pamela Sweezy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m not sure how old this book is but the author doesn’t speak to empaths very much of at all. It feels a tiny bit “victim-blamey” and I suppose rightfully so as the victim is the one who has to gather up the resolve break the cycle. I feel like more is understood about NPD since this was written and I got the feeling that, by the end, the author was talking about one specific narc rather than the population in general. However, it is uncanny how alike they all are. Even though I found the book a little bit limited in information and focus, I think this was one of the easiest and clearest breakdowns of what they are and how they think. If they weren’t so evil and remorseless, I might be tempted to pity them. I do recommend this one to better understand narcs but if you are an empath, I don’t recommend it to better understand yourself.

[Linda sharpe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great explanations and examples! Insightful!

I really liked how the author explains NPD on a way I can truly relate to! I resonated with a lot of the relationship examples and it felt like they really get how it can be a slow insidious process at first and then the good periods get shorter! I learned so much from this book! I would recommend it to anyone curious about NPD or symptoms to help cope and the leave that toxic person! You are worth so much more than to be someone’s actress in their manipulation of crazy creation!

[Amanda Nagel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book helped me tremendously! I listened on Scribd also and it really got me through a very difficult time after a breakup where I was blaming myself. This book helped me see that it really wasn’t me and there are people out there who really do suffer from this narcissism as a disorder. My ex fit the descriptions so well in this book that it was actually scary. If you suspect a person in your life may have NPD, definitely read this book!

[timeFractal · Rating 2 out of 5]

I only bought this book bc I was feeling pressured in a bookstore likely owned by narcissists. typos aglore, dogmatically generalizing claims rampant, & rando switcharoo of pronouns. fluffy uncorrelated deductions at their finest. proceed with caution. best if read in a salt mine.

[Armin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve found out that narcissists have been compared to vampires, soulless creatures on an endless quest, using people as supply. They discard the people after they obtain what they need from them and continue their futile journeys. Do you know what they call the partners of Narcissists? Supply.

[Tammy Coury · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so eye opening & surprisingly supportive.

[Michele Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was spot on and helped me realize so much about the narc relationships in my life. This was a life changer for me and I have recommended it to many of my friends.

[Naomi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an enlightening book. Explained well and easy to understand.

[Candace · Rating 3 out of 5]

A helpful guide to understand the pattern

[Jeanette Harpe]

This book really gave me the insight I needed to heal and move on from hurtful replationships.

[Davis Haguma · Rating 4 out of 5]

An enjoyable book to read. And informative too.

[Stephenie wright · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful

Clears up the confusion . Nails the problem.Easy to understand

I'm going to read it again soon. Personal and private ideas

[Holly Edwards · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bit rude of Cynthia Zayn to write about my exact ex-relationship like that and not give me any credit