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Today I Will Nourish My Inner Martyr: Affirmations for Cynics
Tonight, by moonlight, I will rake my
leaves into my neighbor's yard.
Had it up to here with sugary-sweet affirmation books that ignore the pleasures of resentment and mean-spiritedness? Tired of the self-helpaholics who've been sipping too much chicken soup? Then this book is for you.
Here are 365 splendidly bitter daily meditations that will appeal to the cynic in you. Nowhere else will you find such odes to self-absorption as:
·Today I will equate material possessions with love.
·Today I will taunt others until they cry, then tell them they are too sensitive.
·Today I will make a new friend based solely on how he or she can further my career.
·Today I will respect my need to sabotage everyone else's success.
From the Trade Paperback edition.
leaves into my neighbor's yard.
Had it up to here with sugary-sweet affirmation books that ignore the pleasures of resentment and mean-spiritedness? Tired of the self-helpaholics who've been sipping too much chicken soup? Then this book is for you.
Here are 365 splendidly bitter daily meditations that will appeal to the cynic in you. Nowhere else will you find such odes to self-absorption as:
·Today I will equate material possessions with love.
·Today I will taunt others until they cry, then tell them they are too sensitive.
·Today I will make a new friend based solely on how he or she can further my career.
·Today I will respect my need to sabotage everyone else's success.
From the Trade Paperback edition.
194 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 30, 1998
9 people are currently reading
65 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
November 1, 2007
It's possible that this book was written with me in mind. On every page I was either doubled over in laughter or thinking 'Oh, crap. That's what it's like to hang out with me'. After reading this I'm not sure why I have friends. Highly recommended!!
August 7, 2020
This is a funny, light-hearted yet eye opening book...written tongue-in-cheek...pointing out the dysfunctional thinking that we can fall into and yet convince ourselves that the thinking is normal or justified.
May 20, 2009
Oh my. Make sure to read this near a bathroom as you will laugh so hard that it will make you need to pee. Kleenex is also helpful for the tears running down your face!!
October 10, 2018
Not usually into gimmick books, but we saw this on the shelf at the doctor's office today and we just had to keep reading. It's like "Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy" on steroids. SO, SO FUNNY, but you have to like satire and dark humor. A great gift for psychologists and psychiatrists and also people who listened to a lot of The Smiths and The Cure and wore too much black as a teen.
June 9, 2019
One of my favorite laugh-out-loud books for when I am feeling a bit less-than.
October 1, 2011
From the book's synopsis:
Are you as sick of all this pop-psychology, new-age advice as we are? Do you get stabbing pains in the gut every time you hear the word dysfunctional, codependent, or inner child? Do book titles like Single Has-Been Actors and the Tenured University Professors Who Love Them make your head throb and your vision blur?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then we have the answer. This desktop display is dedicated to everyone who has even one ounce of rebellion left. This book is for everyone who is sick and tired of dishing out money every week to a therapist. This book is a proclamation, a declaration, a provocation: it says, "Hell, I’m a bitter mean-spirited person, and I’m damn proud of it." It says, "I’m number one and no one else even comes close." Or, depending on the day, "I’m nothing; therefore, I deserve nothing."
In short, this book has something for each and everyone of us, so flip through the affirmations, choose the sentiment that best fits your neurosis, fixation or obsession, and display it with pride and defiance on your desk, near your bed, or anywhere your inner martyr will be sure to look.
Are you as sick of all this pop-psychology, new-age advice as we are? Do you get stabbing pains in the gut every time you hear the word dysfunctional, codependent, or inner child? Do book titles like Single Has-Been Actors and the Tenured University Professors Who Love Them make your head throb and your vision blur?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then we have the answer. This desktop display is dedicated to everyone who has even one ounce of rebellion left. This book is for everyone who is sick and tired of dishing out money every week to a therapist. This book is a proclamation, a declaration, a provocation: it says, "Hell, I’m a bitter mean-spirited person, and I’m damn proud of it." It says, "I’m number one and no one else even comes close." Or, depending on the day, "I’m nothing; therefore, I deserve nothing."
In short, this book has something for each and everyone of us, so flip through the affirmations, choose the sentiment that best fits your neurosis, fixation or obsession, and display it with pride and defiance on your desk, near your bed, or anywhere your inner martyr will be sure to look.
April 1, 2009
Who doesn't tire of all of the self-help books and programs, especially here in California?
Read this irreverent little number for a nice respite from all of that crap! These are "affirmations for cynics" and will keep you turning page after page after cynical page!
I have even given this book as a gift to my more cynical friends. ;) Here's a taste: "Since no one seems willing to take responsibility for anything, it is best for me to take responsibility for everything."
Curiously, while I was enjoying my cynical vacation from emotional growth, I was finding myself encouraged to keep moving forward....
Read this irreverent little number for a nice respite from all of that crap! These are "affirmations for cynics" and will keep you turning page after page after cynical page!
I have even given this book as a gift to my more cynical friends. ;) Here's a taste: "Since no one seems willing to take responsibility for anything, it is best for me to take responsibility for everything."
Curiously, while I was enjoying my cynical vacation from emotional growth, I was finding myself encouraged to keep moving forward....
February 4, 2016
Stellar. A great set of reality checks for anyone living in the Nation Of Whiny Victims, I mean the USA. Highly recommended as a companion volume to Karen Finley's ENOUGH IS ENOUGH: WEEKLY MEDITATIONS FOR LIVING DYSFUNCTIONALLY.
April 13, 2008
hilarious!
August 21, 2009
This book had tremendous promise, but out of 365 entries only 20 or so were really very funny. Most of them fell in the first few pages, so I think the authors knew it.
November 27, 2008
Good for laughs
August 11, 2010
Cracks me up! A good little laugh of a book!
April 28, 2012
Funny as!!! "Today I will equate material possessions with love." - whenever I need a good laugh I peruse this book!
October 27, 2012
Simply hilarious!
A quote to illustrate this:
"I am entitled to everything I want, even if it is someone else's and even if I already have it."
A quote to illustrate this:
"I am entitled to everything I want, even if it is someone else's and even if I already have it."
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews