How to Be Confident is a self-help book, written by James Smith. It aims to provide the reader with a bit more confidence in themselves. The book talks about a variety of life scenarios, pop culture references and anecdotes about what life is like.
Admittedly, I don’t think I had ever heard of this person, prior to seeing this book in my local library’s BorrowBox catalogue. It was early in the year and I saw that they were advertising self-help books (for people’s New Year resolutions). This title is something that caught my eye; “How to Be Confident”. So, I thought to myself, “well, I always need a bit more confidence.” Thus, I chose to borrow and then read it. Mmmmmm… I don’t quite know what to think about this book. I think the writer is a bit here and there in their writing. A lot of the stuff feels more anecdotal, in my opinion, and doesn’t feel helpful. As I move throughout the book, it feels very uninspiring, to put it bluntly.
Plus, there are bits where it feels like they don’t know what they’re trying to say. For example, just after the first dozen pages, the author notes, “I have often referred to confidence as being a ‘superpower’, but I now think to myself that’s not the right term. Because superpowers are out of our grasp…” And soon after, “The danger in labelling confidence as a superpower is this: we can actually obtain more confidence; we can become more confident and we can do it in a relatively short period of time.” But… If it’s not the right term, why did they just use the term, if they’re only going to dispute it within the next sentence? Also, to then say there’s “danger” in referring to it as a superpower? It feels overdramatic, considering the author is the one doing so, in referring to it as a “super power”, and then saying it’s now “danger”ous to do.
Also, at times, it felt like the author was being mocking towards people. For example, in chapter one, the author tails about being a consultant at a gym. And then mentions some of the goals the people wanted to achieve, being derisive about them. There are a variety of other points throughout the book where he mocks people’s weight. There’s points where he tries shaming people for needing to adjust their clothes when standing up, implying that it’s because they’re fat. But, a lot of people need to adjust their clothes regularly, regardless of size or shape. A lot of clothing has a habit of moving about on people’s bodies, all throughout the day. It’s absolutely normal for people to adjust the height of their pants or to pull down the bottom of their shirt. It’s normal, yet the author is deliberately mocking people for something so normal. The author also mocks people for using social media and for using phones and tablets. Which is another point of the ignorance the author is spouting. It’s not inherently bad to use things like social media, phones or tablets. However, the author is trying to make it out as if it is a negative thing. It’s a weird stereotype they’re using to try and mock people for doing something that isn’t even bad. And it’s opinions like the author’s that why a lot of people lack confidence. Sometimes people will mock one or two bits about a person (such as someone using social media), even though there’s nothing inherently wrong about it, leading to the person losing confidence in themselves.
There are a lot of pop culture references. Such as references to quotes from famous people. There are references to moments in movies. Etc. However, then the author doesn’t really explain much of the context of the quote or references. So, it just ends up feeling like name-dropping, rather than anything substantial. For example, a few paragraphs into the first chapter, the author mentions a Jim Carrey movie, “Yes Man” and gives a very vague description of it and ends the paragraph with, “He is then convinced to answer every question he is presented with the answer ‘Yes!’”. And then he begins the next paragraph, “That is not the advice I am giving you, far from it. But it’s an example of making the decision first and letting the confidence form thereon.” Firstly… What? If it’s not what you are telling the reader to do, why bother mentioning it at all? It really doesn’t have any relevance, to be blunt. And, secondly, telling readers to make a decision first and “letting the confidence form thereon.” is really not very good advice, in my opinion. Because, in order to make a decent decision, one needs to have at least some confidence in the choice they’re making, BEFORE deciding. To tell someone to make the decision and then find confidence in it just seems silly and I feel like it would lead to many bad decisions; even unsafe ones. And, again, I just feel like that movie reference has zero relevance. And then, also in chapter one, there’s a reference to “The Wolf of Wall Street”, “a famous scene were Leonardo DiCaprio hands over a pen to Jon Bernthal’s character and says, ‘Sell me this pen.’ So Bernthal says, ‘Write your name down on that napkin.’ This creates the pain point that DiCaprio doesn’t have a pen in his hand anymore…” What does this have to do with anything? At these points, it just feels like the author is trying to use pop culture references for the sake of mentioning them. There’s very little explanation as to their relevance to this book, and there’s very little context mentioned. As for the “Pain point” thing, it’s a subheading in the chapter, but the author gives no real explanation or definition as to what it is or how it’s relevant to confidence. And the same for a lot of the studies the author refers to. He’ll mention a variety of studies and not really give any indication of the relevance to the book.
Also… I feel like there’s a level of ignorance to what the author is saying, too. Again, with the first chapter, the author mentions an Einstein quote, “Insanity is to do the same thing and expect a different result.” And then the author talks a bit more and then says, “Inaction keeps your circumstances the same, only action can change them.” Which… No. Because there are many scenarios where inaction isn’t necessarily a bad thing. And there are scenarios where, if you do anything, it can lead you to negative consequences. Plus, a lot of life circumstances aren’t in your own control, and many rely on the choices that other people make. It feels weird that the author is insisting you take action, and being derisive about inaction. And the Einstein quote feels really badly placed, too. You can often do the same thing over and over and can get differing results, in many scenarios. There’s no “insanity” in it at all. Even something as simple as flipping a coin. If you flip it one time and get heads, you can flip it again and there’s a reasonable expectation of a different result. No insanity there. Or the weather. You go outside and it’s sunny. You can do the exact same thing, maybe an hour later, and it’s reasonable to expect a different result. It might be raining outside now. And, taking it back to the confidence thing, one can very much make the same life choices and expect a differing result. Such as if they’re applying to a university or a job they want. Even if they’re rejected 9 times, there’s still the possibility of getting accepted that 10th time. Nothing that would be considered “insanity” there. I know this review is already getting long. But, again, I feel like this author is just shoving in these pop culture references and quotes, without much thought as to what they even mean, or how they might appear to a reader. And then it’s mentioned that, “Nowadays post-pandemic, you don’t even need to put trousers on to get to the final interview for a higher paying job, you could jut put a shirt and jacket on and do it over a Zoom call.” Well, that’s just ignorant to imply that it’s just “nowadays” that it happens. Similar types of things have gone on generations. Many job interviews have happened over phone lines and video calls. It’s nothing new. Many people have lived in different cities than the job they’re aiming for and have subsequently had to do job interviews over phone lines. Phone and video calls have happened in business for decades. And it’s another aspect of the author being mocking, rather than helpful. It’s very clear that this author has a bias against things like Tik Tok and Zoom, and is implying that they’re bad things. Zoom can absolutely be a useful tool and it helps people reach out to others. The same with Tik Tok. In many ways, such applications can help people be more confident… Even though the author is implying that they are negative.
As I move further and further through the book… Just wow. There seems to be a huge level of ignorance in what is being said, as well as giving readers very bad advice and guidance. For example, on page 140 (as per the copy I was reading), his public speaking suggestion/ advice is to sell tickets to a public speaking event and only after selling the tickets to come up with the speech. What? Are you serious? What a horrible piece of advice.
Overall… I’m glad the copy I read was free for me because of the library, because I would be annoyed if I had had to pay for it. It’s not very good, in my opinion. As I continued through the book, a lot of what the author spoke about seemed very much like ignorance. So many of these quotes and references had no relevance. There were a lot of points where I had to stop reading, go back and reread paragraphs, asking myself, “what is this author talking about? What does this have to do with confidence?” Honestly, by the end of the book, it has left me feeling rubbish about myself. It certainly doesn’t have me feeling confident. The author is mocking about people doing ordinary things, such as using their phone, using social media, for adjusting their clothes, or for things like their appearance. If anything, it makes me sad, knowing that people such as the author have ignorant views about others, and are being unnecessary judgemental about such mundane things. There’s nothing that built up my confidence in any way. It’s more of a book to vaguely inform people a little bit about types of confidence, rather than trying to build up the readers’ confidence.