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Parent Talk Essentials: How to Talk to Kids about Divorce, Sex, Money, School and Being Responsible in Today's World
Parent Talk Essentials is a valuable collection of successful strategies for helping parents raise responsible, caring, conscious children. In this book you will find effective Parent Talk that will help your children, tots to teens, navigate life's challenges concerning divorce, sex, money, school, relationships, being responsible, and other important issues.
350 pages, Paperback
First published November 1, 2010
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December 10, 2014
As usual the dynamic team of Moorman and Haller have put together a series of useful tips on a variety of critical topics (school, responsibility, money, sex, divorce). If you've read any of their previous books some of it will be familiar. I like that as a way to solidify that information in my head. For instance, the "choose, decide, pick" or "responsibility equals opportunity" both make an appearance in this book.
While there were a few points I disagreed, overall I thought it was valuable information. Certainly if more parents followed this advice the world would be a more peaceful, less whiney place.
Memorable quotations:
Personal Responsibility:
Do say: Choose, decide, pick: "If my kid doesn't put gas in the car, she's not getting it for a month," a father once told us at a workshop. Thomas told him politely, "Sir, with all due respect, you can't learn to put gas in the car if you don't have it" (page 39).
[A useful reminder that long-lasting (e.g., multiple days, weeks)consequences prevent the person from having more opportunities to do it differently next time. This is one of my most valuable take-away messages. A consequence doesn't need to last forever in order for it to be effective. In fact it may do more damage in the long-run by preventing opportunities to make better choices next time. After all you need a next time in order to do better next time!]
Don't say: Okay, I'll bail you out this time. "Are you a rescuer with your children's homework? Do you care more than they do? Your job is to create the structure. There job is to use it. If they come to you at nine pm and inform you they need a poster board for a project, resist the urge to jump in the car and drive all over town trying to find one. As the saying goes, procrastination on their part does not constitute an emergency on your part. Allow them to experience the consequences" (page 52). Amen!!
Don't say: Don't forget to put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket. "Stop reminding children. Instead give them a responsibility. Allow them to choose or choose not do it and implement the consequences with love in your heart. If you continue to remind your children, you are becoming a crutch that increases their impotence. You are teaching them that they don't have to remember their responsibilities because the 'reminder person' will remind them. You have enough responsibilities as a parent. Being the reminder person is not one of them. Give it up by giving that responsibility back to your children" (page 53) [Instead say, "Check yourself" which is like asking "Do you have everything you need to be ready/prepared?"]
Do say: "What part of that are you willing to own?" "He started it. I didn't have time. It was his fault we got there late." Children often use language that denies responsibility for their actions, feelings, and choices. This way of speaking robs them of their personal power by assigning the responsibility for their behaviors to someone or something else. When you see others as responsible for your responses to life, you give your power away by disowning your personal responsibility...We need to teach children to own their reactions to life situations and to discover where they did indeed have power...If he suggests, "I didn't have time," ask "What choices did you make that contributed to being late?" (pages 65-66)
While there were a few points I disagreed, overall I thought it was valuable information. Certainly if more parents followed this advice the world would be a more peaceful, less whiney place.
Memorable quotations:
Personal Responsibility:
Do say: Choose, decide, pick: "If my kid doesn't put gas in the car, she's not getting it for a month," a father once told us at a workshop. Thomas told him politely, "Sir, with all due respect, you can't learn to put gas in the car if you don't have it" (page 39).
[A useful reminder that long-lasting (e.g., multiple days, weeks)consequences prevent the person from having more opportunities to do it differently next time. This is one of my most valuable take-away messages. A consequence doesn't need to last forever in order for it to be effective. In fact it may do more damage in the long-run by preventing opportunities to make better choices next time. After all you need a next time in order to do better next time!]
Don't say: Okay, I'll bail you out this time. "Are you a rescuer with your children's homework? Do you care more than they do? Your job is to create the structure. There job is to use it. If they come to you at nine pm and inform you they need a poster board for a project, resist the urge to jump in the car and drive all over town trying to find one. As the saying goes, procrastination on their part does not constitute an emergency on your part. Allow them to experience the consequences" (page 52). Amen!!
Don't say: Don't forget to put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket. "Stop reminding children. Instead give them a responsibility. Allow them to choose or choose not do it and implement the consequences with love in your heart. If you continue to remind your children, you are becoming a crutch that increases their impotence. You are teaching them that they don't have to remember their responsibilities because the 'reminder person' will remind them. You have enough responsibilities as a parent. Being the reminder person is not one of them. Give it up by giving that responsibility back to your children" (page 53) [Instead say, "Check yourself" which is like asking "Do you have everything you need to be ready/prepared?"]
Do say: "What part of that are you willing to own?" "He started it. I didn't have time. It was his fault we got there late." Children often use language that denies responsibility for their actions, feelings, and choices. This way of speaking robs them of their personal power by assigning the responsibility for their behaviors to someone or something else. When you see others as responsible for your responses to life, you give your power away by disowning your personal responsibility...We need to teach children to own their reactions to life situations and to discover where they did indeed have power...If he suggests, "I didn't have time," ask "What choices did you make that contributed to being late?" (pages 65-66)
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