When He Leaves: Help and Hope for Hurting Wives

by Kari West

How can a woman cope...survive...and even thrive again after divorce? There are no easy answers. Kari West and Noelle Quinn offer their experience and companionship to the reader along a road she never wanted to walk as they urge her to hang on and Readers will return again and again to the deeply practical and heartfelt counsel offered by Kari and Noelle.

Genres: Nonfiction, Marriage

272 pages, Paperback

First published February 1, 1998

Reviews

[Brenda · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a recently divorced woman, this book made me feel more understood than anything else I've read. These ladies - both of whom have Been There - have said everything I could say on the subject. What really sets this apart from other divorce recovery books is the assumption that you love God and are committed to Him, and you gave everything you had to your marriage. It actively opposes the usual Christian viewpoint - that you ought to be questioning yourself and probably should have tried harder. It reminds you that God loves you, has delivered you, and has amazing things in store for you. It really does provide SO MUCH help, hope, and comfort. I can't recommend it enough!

[Holly Beadle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easily relatable read for those walking through circumstances with divorce. Appreciate their honesty & pointing you back to Scripture.

[P.L. Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have never experienced the pain of divorce, whether as a wife or as a child whose parents divorced. Most of my friends either had parents already divorced long before I became friends with them or were still living with both parents. So divorce is not something that I had knowledge of or experience with. I was not able to fully relate to this book or really say whether it has the power or even the potential to help one who has experienced a spouse leaving. But from what I read this book does seem to have much to offer to a woman whose husband has left. It is well written, sensitive to the pain that women face. It is a book that shows them that they are not alone and do not have to go through this alone. It does not offer readers quick fix advice but guides them to the Healer who can mend their hearts and help them heal. It shows readers how to avoid the blame game in order to move forward and grow, to heal the hearts. I can only suggest that the book be read but cannot say whether it is the answer you may be needing to begin the healing. But with God all things are possible.

*Note: I have experienced divorce personally now. It has been 16 years since I wrote the review and now wish I had the book still to see if it might have helped me in the healing process.

[Suzanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was helpful to read when I went through a divorce. Here are a few quotes that touched me:

p. 70 "I examined my life for failures and sins of omission in my marriage. It was hard. I was self-righteous...I ask the Lord to show me and forgive me, then help me look deeper. I Peter 5:10 "But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you."

p. 124 "Today I will be expectant, on tiptoes. I will look for God's footprints on my beach."
"One sees great things from the valley; only small things from the peak." G.K. Chesterton

p. 125 "It is never too late to be what you might have been." George Eliot

p. 161 "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

p. 249 "Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses." Alphonse Karr "You are breaking free of thoughts that harm your health and the worry that cuts off faith, strangles peace, and kills joy. You have stopped being your own worst enemy...You are covering blank walls with pictures of where you'd like to be. Portraits of hope. For the rest of your life, you will look for pivotal moments sandwiched between ordinary days."

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I saw my situation so much in this book I would swear that I wrote it myself.

These two women, Kari and Noelle, opened their hearts, souls and lives without holding back anything that might make them appear less than they are. Their honest openness made me feel less alone and far more hopeful that i too can (will) eventually have a bright future as a middle aged single female.

However, though they were meant to comfort and inspire, i found the insertion of biblical/not biblical quotations a bit intrusive.

This is an excellent book for women of faith who have found themselves suddenly ripped to the core by a man who walks away from a lifelong marriage. It would also be an excellent help mate to those women without faith who can read around the biblical references.

[Janis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had so many 'aha' and 'yes, I've been there or heard that' moments while reading this book. I appreciated the christian viewpoint as well, confirming to me that while I am not perfect, my actions did not make his decisions for him. He is responsible for his own choices and I don't have to feel bad or guilty that he stopped making any effort in our relationship. Christ is there to buoy me up and help me to continue in my efforts to follow Him.

[Elaine Sim · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am currently in the in between stage of "to leave or not to leave". I had so many "fears" about divorce, this book has really given me the confidence to know that its OK, I can survive, I can let go, I can forgive. Thank you Kari and Noelle, you really have helped me brave this time and know what to expect ahead.

[Anne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some weirdness here (e.g., one of the authors calls God "Grace") but also some good observations and encouragement with which I could relate.