What is it with Catholics named Thomas who give me incredible hope and comfort? First Thomas a Kempis, now Thomas Merton... I should really finish out this Thomistic trinity with Thomas Aquinas!
As for this book itself, it's a collection of prayers and artwork by Merton taken from various publications of his. The editor did a great job, and the entire vibe of the book was amazing. There was an informative introduction which wasn't overly long or stuffy, and most importantly the first prayer listed in the Collection is probably one of the best prayers I've read. Apparently it's famous. Also, the art that it was paired with worked very well. That prayer instantly pulled me in and I dropped what I was doing to start reading the book.
Before we get into the content of the book, I wanted to touch on the delightful line drawings that were included. The introduction remarked on their zen style, and I agree. They're very simple and unpretentious, and I appreciated their inclusion. It helped give some breathing room to the prayers, and they often complemented the prayers that were opposite them. The drawings consisted of faces (male and female) of monks/nuns, of Christ, of Mary, and of Churches. These drawings are in the tradition of art and poetry living side by side, and it helped the book feel like home.
Speaking of poetry, some of the "prayers" in this collection were really poems, and some of them were prose segments of books split up into quasi-prayers. The poems were strange to me, neither horribly gripping nor bad at all; some of them evoked impressive images, like the one of the flagellants, but they were comparatively rare and passable. The real meat of the book was the prayers, and boy do they deliver. The first prayer, like I mentioned above, is a beautifully vulnerable one, which I'll reproduce below:
My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though
I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
I was gripped with the vulnerability and relatability of this prayer, and it met me right where I was. Though it comes off like it was written in one take, in the depths of emotion, it feels to me like it only could have come from someone like Merton, who is both learned and unpretentious, both deep in some ways and aware of his shallowness in others. And that's really a great summary of the entire book. There is the paradox of the boldness of a child approaching their Heavenly Father with a request, but also at the same time cowering and crying face down. A prayer near the end of the collection describes this:
...to be a real good hermit and listen to the word of God and respond like a man. That is what it really involves: simply to stand on one's feet before one's Father and reply to Him in the Spirit. This business about replying to the Father in the Spirit may sound like big talk, but I don't mean it that way. "In the Spirit," in any context I know of, means flat on your face. How can one stand on one's own feet and be flat on one's face at the same time is a mystery I will have to try to work out by living it.
This tension through paradox is something Merton picked up from his studies of Zen Buddhism, and I also respect that tradition a bit. I think it is perhaps the closest one can get to God without revelation. It most frequently recognizes life's various paradoxes, the various examples of two sides making up one coin, as well as wabi-sabi the fleeting, transient nature of life (and of nature). Merton works both of these into his prayers, acknowledging to powerful effect the worthlessness of anything you can grasp, and also the paradox of sinner and saint, of being damned by the Law but resurrected by the Gospel, all without deserving it.
Merton's message, to Christian and unbeliever alike, is to revel in God's Grace, and to grow closer to him through it. Merton often skirts heresy (or is it just eastern orthodoxy's concept of Theosis?) when he emphasizes the union between man and God, of becoming One with God (at times essentially taking Taoist texts and replacing a few words). I don't fault Merton for this at all, since he is a bridge-builder, and he is attempting to integrate the wisdom he gleaned from other cultures into his Christianity.
You need not worry, since Merton is still decidedly Christian (and dogmatically exclusivist at that), as he outlines in one of the better prayers of the collection:
Lord Jesus Christ, true God and true Man, in Whom the fullness of God dwells and is manifested, whoever tries to be a contemplative without You is dead. Whoever enters into interior darkness in which You cannot be found enters into the gate of hell. Whoever enters into a silence in which Your voice cannot be heard enters into the antechamber of the devil. Whoever goes where You cannot be seen is crazy.
This talk of stumbling into satan's room reminds me of Luther, and its decisiveness gives me relief that Merton, despite his wide learning, still holds solid opinions. There are others like Kahlil Gibran or even what little I've read of Rumi who seem to be superficial in their universalism, their fear to offend, their attempt to lump every religious person into the same pile. Merton definitely doesn't do that, as he barely even considers himself to be religious, despite spending more time contemplating God in one month than most of us do in our lifetime. I think that to him, all religious traditions have some value, but certainly not the same value, nor do they all lead to the same God, because many of them point away from Christ. He prefers to work with the similarities as a starting place, and take an indirect and windy route back to the cross. This probably is a better approach than a frontal assault for most people.
But Merton isn't out here evangelizing all day, he's much too modest for that. He's trying to figure out if he even still believes. The fact that he prayed through his doubts and confusion I think is proof that he did have deep faith. There is an uncertainty dripping from these pages, but refreshingly it's not an uncertainty in God, but in himself. Merton repeatedly throws himself on God's grace, puts himself at God's mercy, admits his own folly and ignorance. Despite all the religious learning he's done, he still struggles as much as the rest of us, perhaps even more. Merely valuing an ideal doesn't mean one contains that virtue, and that is a difficult lesson to learn.
Dear Lord, I am not living like a monk, like a contemplative. The first essential is missing. I only say I trust you. My actions prove that the one I trust is myself--and that I am still afraid of you
I needed to hear this, to be reminded of this, because I had been feeling similarly to Merton, where I feared God because I knew I was living for myself instead of for Him. Thomas, like his namesake A Kempis, really knows how to lay you bare and cut the shit. Merton does it much more gently, but they both achieve similar things. This loving chastizement is adjacent to the renouncement of the world, which both Thomases excel at. I especially love those Wabi-Sabi moments, and I deeply wish I could express them in a convincing way to certain materialists who I know:
Tribulation detaches us from the things of nothingness in which we spend ourselves and die. Therefore, tribulation gives us life and we love it, not out of love for death, but out of love for life.
...
Lord God, the whole world tonight seems made out of paper. The most substantial things are ready to crumble apart and blow away.
...
My Hope is in what the eye has never seen. Therefore let me not trust in visible rewards. My hope is in what the human heart cannot feel. Therefore let me not trust in the feeling of my heart. My hope is in what the hand has never touched. Do not let me trust what I can grasp between my fingers, because Death will loosen my grasp and my vain hope will be gone.
I find these and the Christian tradition of willing suffering to be among the most convincing arguments for Christianity and against the modern age. Modernity is obsessed with comfort, and many people today (who I would dare to call unthinking or even unfeeling) simply cannot comprehend value coming from suffering, or any higher ideal than comfort. I pity them, and I pray for the wisdom to shake them awake someday.
Getting off my high horse and back into the gutter where my sins leave me, I was blown away by an Old Testament connection that I had never heard before. Merton eloquently made a parallel between the sinner's justification through grace, and Jacob's tricking of Isaac into giving him Esau's birthright. I'm not sure how I had never made this connection, but I absolutely loved learning about it.
As for any downsides of the collection, there was a section near the end of Marian prayers which weren't as eloquent or relatable to me (not just because I'm Protestant, but also because they seemed to be excerpts from prose instead of "real" prayers). Just after this section, I was impressed to see a short and unpretentious prayer which actually managed to also pray for "the salvation of all people, nuns, business men, Hitler, everybody". I found that more than just witty, but actually sincere. When the recent Ukrainian war started, there were a couple prominent Christians who asked us to pray for Putin, and I think that that's the correct approach. We know God can turn the hearts of murderers. Paul is a case in point. So is David Wood. Stupidly, I considered it a waste of time back at the start, and I didn't pray for him. I thought it probably wise to do so, but my actions did not line up with my ideals, as discussed above. Reading this passage reminded me of that entire situation, and it helped humble me.
I think the best thing to close with would be a short prayer, probably the shortest of the collection, which sums up the hopeful humility we all should have:
God, have mercy on me in the blindness in which I hope I am seeking you!
Amen.