"Indeed, although I know you are living there a normal girl I do deeply feel 'somehow' there is a rabbit there too, doing the things you do; even lecturing on Hopkins. It is a strange fancy. I can't explain it. I think perhaps the rabbit takes your place at times, or stays behind when you go out to an evening at the Frasers. Of course I know it doesn't really! but I feel loth to say 'there 'is' no rabbit'. It must be deeply fixed in 'me', & therefore the fault, if there is one, is mine."
"My life is so entirely selfish that mirages of unselfishness torment me. I long to abandon myself entirely to someone else. The peculiarity of my character is that I never feel that there is any mingling - either I don't 'abdicate', & the other person loses, or I do, and I lose myself. A monstrous infantile shell of egotism, inside which I quietly asphyxiate. To read Katherine Mansfield's dreams of a shared life with Murry - this perturbs me greatly. He who shall save his life shall - or the other way round, anyway. To live quietly with and complementarily with another would be extraordinary - almost impossible - I don't know, it's only the fact that I do nothing for anybody that promotes these self-searchings."
"There's something which makes me less good than I ought to be, and I wish it didn't. When I'm away from you I think: Next time we'll really clear away some of the webs between us - & yet when we meet it doesn't happen: I grow still and silent, and never move off the ground of rabbithood, which is all very well but which prevents discussion of the real situation, don't you think? I don't know if it's my fault or yours, or nobody's: I think it's true to say that I do to some extent seize up, automatically, when we meet - but don't take this badly, dear: I'm honestly only trying to explain it away, if that were possible. I mean, obviously there must be something, or we should long ago have settled things. If we are so similar and get on so well & should like the same things, honestly, I don't see what is stopping us. Do you see what I mean, o wise rabbit? It's not really fair of me to make this 'parade of extraordinary frankness' - I don't like it myself - I wish I could decide things, fiercely and for good, and say them - instead of this almost-Russian verbiage, concealing I don't know what, probably nothing but funk. I know you are careful not to 'crowd' me, from motives or decency and pride, and heaven knows I don't want to be crowded, and yet it does to some degree play not into 'my' hands, but into the hands of whatever lies under my delay. I wish I had not started writing this. It was really to apologise for dodging issues at Selby. I feel sometimes that every time we part is a fresh insult to you. 'Anguish of indecision, nine times out of ten, is caused by a decision struggling to be recognised' - that is a quotation from Camembert (fl. 1689) I have just made up."
'Dear sacred cat', 'Dear white and gold', 'I pull your long ears gently'.