A Tale of Two Titties: A Guide to Writing Women Like a Bestselling Male Author

by Meg Vondriska

From the brilliantly funny (and rightfully furious) creator of the viral Men Write Women Twitter account Let's face it, women's representation in literature really sucks. And that's mostly because of the male authors who write female characters like they're nothing more than playthings in their stories. Whether they have breasts like ripe peaches or curves like a racetrack, the literary ladies gracing the pages of bestselling books rarely serve a purpose beyond supporting a male character (or giving him something to fantasize about). But what are you supposed to do about it if you can't even get a foot (or, I guess, a boob) in the door? You beat them at their own game. In this hilarious yet incisive guide, you'll learn how to write women just like a bestselling male author―stereotypes, tropes, objectification, and all―so you can start dismantling the system from the inside. With thoughtful literary analysis, interactive exercises, and commentary that perfectly straddles the line between satirical hilarity and righteous indignation, A Tale of Two Titties is both an illuminating study of women's representation in literature and an absurd (yet accurate) guide to writing through the male gaze.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Humor, Writing, Ebooks, Books About Books, Womens

175 pages, Paperback

First published July 23, 2024

Reviews

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to NetGalley and SOURCEBOOKS for access to this title. All opinions expressed are my own.

A Tale of Two Titties is a humorous critique of how male writers have historically depicted women in their books. Split into three sections and composed of eighteen chapters in total, Meg Vondriska also includes plenty of opportunities for readers to have fun. Writing opportunities and games, oh my!


Part of me would love to have this as a coffee table book, but my boyfriend might end up using it as an ashtray holder. If you're looking for an entertaining nonfiction book, I highly recommend this title.


Expected Publication Date 23/07/24
Goodreads Review 16/06/24

[Netanella · Rating 3 out of 5]

"A Tale of Two Titties: A Guide to Writing Women Like a Bestselling Male Author" should be taken with a ginormous grain of salt. Twin grains of salt, perhaps, like the twins that are so amply dissected in this humorous satire that purports to train women, in particular, to write women like bestselling male authors. There are plenty of authentic examples from current authors, from Stephen King to classic John Steinbeck, that serve to make the author's point of continued misogynistic and trope-filled female characterizations in fiction. Vondriska also allows for plenty of practice to write like a man, including fill in the blank, word search, and scenario prompt exercises. Ultimately I started skimming the last quarter of the book, as it became repetitive and not as humorous as the beginning. However, I must admit that I feel armed with an awareness and understanding of how to spot poorly written women characters in the wild.

Onward!

[—lex♡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

No consideraría este un texto gracioso, sino una crítica pura y realista. Y no imagino quién podría reír con esto (bueno, sí, quizás un grupo de hombres que busque desestimar, como suele suceder, las experiencias de mujeres), pero sí muchos momentos en los que uno podría sentir una especie de impotencia al leer sobre estas situaciones, que fue lo que me sucedió. Aunque es cierto que algunos de los ejercicios pueden resultar un tanto divertidos, cuando empecé a analizar un poco más allá solo pude llenarme de una sensación amarga. No exactamente por los escritores, que válgame todo lo santo, pero algunos se pasan tres millas, sino porque, como bien dice la autora, estas situaciones en realidad no están aisladas a la literatura. Sucede en la vida real.
Así que cuando hablaba de representaciones de violaciones estaba tan indignada. Sí, como mujeres nos enseñan que no hay nada más horrible que una violación y, al mismo tiempo, nos enseñan a nunca tomar represalias contra los hombres, porque debemos ser domésticas y dóciles para ellos. Cada vez que leo sobre esto me enojo un poco más. Y el hecho de que se trate con tanta ligereza en las obras de algunos autores me sulfura.
Hay bastantes temas que toca este libro y estoy muy de acuerdo con mucho del punto de vista de la autora. Quizás no con el termino "girlboss", pero en poco más diferimos.
Mientras los ejercicios me parecieron demasiado, eso quizás se debe al formato del ARC, que era un PDF y que en Kindle no se organizó demasiado bien. Pero si pudiera tenerlo en físico, creo que podría disfrutar más llenar esos espacios en blanco. Es un hecho que lo voy a conseguir, porque no pretendo ser la única que lo lea, hay algunas personas que se beneficiarían de acercarse a estos temas.

[Stress Reader · Rating 3 out of 5]

A Tale of Two Titties is a study on women's representation in literature and a satirical guide to learning how to "write women like bestselling male authors do-stereotypes, tropes, objectification, and all-so you can start dismantling the system from the inside." It includes literary analysis, interactive exercises, and commentary.

I enjoyed the expose on certain male authors and learned a lot about them. It was initially a funny read.

I'm not really the target audience for this book, but it sounded interesting. I think I would have rated it lower if it wasn't for the importance of the topic.

The people who need to read A Tale Of Two Titties, the ones it applies to and mainly refers to, are highly unlikely ti read it.

While it covers an important topic, it quickly loses its humor and becomes painfully repetitive. That repetition took away from the topic.

It took me forever to read, and I debated DNF'ing it a number of times. I decided not to because women deserve better representation in literature. We deserve more than to be basic tropes and poor stereotypes; only there to support male characters.

There are authors, of all genders, who write women in a positive way and give female characters leading roles. Same as there are non-white, non-male bestselling authors. Just as there are men who write women just the ways Meg Vondriska says in this book.

Hopefully one day soon, women will be more than a set of ripe cantaloupes to certain male authors.

I received an eARC of this book from @netgalley. This is my unbiased review.

[Kara Babcock · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have followed Meg Vondriska on Twitter for a while now, and when I heard she was coming out with a book based on the concept of her @MenWritingWomen account, I ran, not walked, to the bookshop (well, I emailed them) to preorder. A Tale of Two Titties takes the basic concept of this account, amplifies it, but also twists it into something far more subversive and acerbic. The result is entertaining and potentially genuine helpful, albeit at times repetitive.

The book is loosely organized into chapters based on common issues with how women are portrayed in fiction. From anatomically impossible descriptions of breasts (or other parts of AFAB bodies) to stereotypical roles for women, this book covers the various ways men (because it is almost exclusively cis men) write. Set up, in jest, as a course for an aspiring author to write better, A Tale of Two Titties doesn’t hold back.

The book is at its best, in my opinion, when Vondriska lambastes specific examples of terrible writing of women. However, I also understand one cannot make an entire book out of quotes from other people’s writing (or at least, then it would be a sassy concordance and not a writing “advice” book). Vondriska has smartly chosen to expand the premise of the original account into something more suitable for a book length. Walking the line between parody and real advice is challenging, however.

A Tale of Two Titties is a joyfully creative subversion of sexist tropes. Vondriska goes beyond merely critiquing or lampooning how men write women and elevates her schtick to a new plane. There are exercises in every chapter to prepare the reader to write their breast. I particularly enjoyed a flowchart, “Genre Detour,” to help define which genre one is writing based on the presence of women and descriptions of their bodies. All of this is to say, this book’s parody works because it’s just so damn inventive.

However, I’m not sure the people who most need this book fall into its audience. Women are more likely to pick up this book in terms of its marketing and style, yet they aren’t the ones who need to read this. I nodded along, and while maybe there’s one or two points the book makes that you might not have realized, you will too. Men who want to write better female characters but aren’t sure how might not see this book, or consider to to be “for” them. Perhaps this is merely a marketing issue more than an issue with the book. It doesn’t detract from my enjoyment.

I don’t really have much else to say about this one. If you’re down for this style of humour, you’re going to enjoy this!

Originally posted on Kara.Reviews.

[Bjørn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Note: this seems to be an incorrect Goodreads entry for the book, as according to the publisher the release date is July 2024, and page count 292 rather than 175. I will either move the below to the 292-page version I am reviewing or not, depending on what happens in July. Future: so exciting!

It has taken me a long, long time to read A Tale of Two Titties, a book that has 292 rather small pages and 20% – if not more – of them is blank space for ‘prompts’ and ‘exercises’ the point of which is, ostensibly (this review might and will contain sarcasm) to teach women (and, I hope, gay men, how could we know how women titties work?) to become bestsellers.

The afterword – or rather ‘The Heart of the Matter,’ says: “Using humour as a tool to help people notice this kind of casual misogyny, instead of an accusatory ‘why didn’t you notice!’ voice, was one of the core goals of A Tale of Two Titties. If the only thing a reader takes away from this book is simply noticing, the workbook will have succeeded.” Thing is, this book is not funny. I mean, it would probably be funny to the exact sort of men who should notice the misogyny, but they’d instead cackle, Beavis-and-Butthead style.

Reader, I did not laugh.

•

A Tale of Two Titties is a bitter, cynical, sarcastic, uncomfortable read. Why uncomfortable? Because all of it is true, from Poor James Patterson complaining about how now that women are allowed to write books there is simply NO SPACE for white men, to the frankly terrifyingly long list of quotes from Stephen King, complete with a footnote saying that the editor discouraged from making this list even longer, because lawsuits are even less fun than cantaloupe breasts.

Why bitter? Because no matter how many followers Meg Vondriska (who created the delightfully horrible @menwritewomen article) is going to gather on X or how many copies of this book are going to sell, its contribution to what passes for ‘literature’ (one of the books quoted, The Circle by Dave Eggers, was literally the next read on my TBR) is going to hang somewhere around zero.

Maybe I am projecting my own bitterness on A Tale of Two Titties, because I know and abuse the saying “oh, to have the self-confidence of a mediocre white man,” and the book pretends to teach the reader exactly that. Except most of the many quoted mediocre white men are sickeningly rich and famous. Oh, to have the bank account, the reviews, and the awards of a mediocre white man, I’d sigh, if the book didn’t explain in a disgustingly accurate way how to achieve that feat.

When I think of who would find this book funny, I envision a group of drunken blokes in a pub pulling the book away from each other to read the ‘best quotes’ and high-five each other, then use it as their own list of future reads, in case they are actually literate. (This time I am exaggerating. One of the examples is fecking Kazuo Ishiguro and I really, REALLY did not see this coming.) (Did you know that in the interest of historical accuracy of his fantasy series that has dragons in it George RR Martin included rape or attempted rape 214 times? So far?)

I found the ‘exercises’ and ‘prompts’ completely pointless. They didn’t even hammer the point further home, they hammered it through the wall until both the point and the hammer fell inside. One of my pet peeves has always been including ‘blank pages for the reader to fill’ inside books, which makes me feel like I have overpaid no matter how cheap the book is – I was promised 292 pages, not 252 sort of thing. The joke that runs throughout the book is that obviously we, everyone who is not a mediocre cis man who comes up with…creative descriptions for breasts, simply need to learn how to out-mediocre those men. The blank pages, though, are a joke that overstays its welcome. Another phrase I loathe in books is “take your journal…” but at least it doesn’t feel like padding.

•

I said ‘loathe’. This is something so important to me I’m going to give it a separate paragraph. As in, section.

A footnote in ‘The Heart of the Matter’ says something that I feel is actually the key to understanding the why behind this book. My biggest pet peeve of all – the pet in question being Godzilla: the idea that ‘women’s literature’ is a genre. “Of course, there is no ‘men’s literature’ section, that’s just a bookstore.” Nailed. Can’t be repeated enough. And should be made illegal. I might be a noted male man of masculine gender, but despite my insistence that my books belong on the ‘women’s fiction’ shelves, I have a (whispers) p-e-n-i-s and therefore – as Vondriska tells – my section is the bookstore. Speaking of which, I wonder whereA Tale of Two Titties will land in bookstores. I have a sickening feeling that “TikTok Made Me Read This!” might be its best shot.

It’s 2024. Apparently we are now very evolved and woke, etc. I just typed ‘women’s fiction’ into Amazon’s search box and the first result charts at #1 in the ‘women’s fiction’ category AND #2 in ‘women’s domestic life fiction’. The first result when I search for ‘men’s fiction’ is a ‘historical thriller’ and a ‘military thriller’ and definitely not a men’s battlefield life fiction. (Don’t make me laugh by suggesting ‘men’s domestic life fiction.’ Okay, I will check. *checks* Did you know Margaret Atwood’s Life Before Man is men’s domestic life fiction?)

I will stop here, because I’m doing the same thing Vondriska does in A Tale of Two Titties: driving the point home so hard the home might have collapsed and I keep going.

•

I have once declared that I would spend a month reading solely books by women, except non-fiction. Then forgot I said that until the month was nearing its end and I realised I was already only reading books written by women – my two exceptions were a book on writing craft and a biography of Jony Ive. So, there’s a chance that I am not the right audience for A Tale of Two Titties. I like to round up my reviews by recommending the book to the ideal audience. But who is it?

People who follow @menwritewomen might not be able to take in the amount of reality – as I said, I had to read this in small chunks – because the reality is more grim and dark than grimdark when it comes to literary misogyny. And they have already noticed. Those who should notice are unlikely to read something longer than a meme. With breasts on it. As for me, I may be a gay man who works exclusively with female editors, but I felt guilty-by-association (men are my least favourite gender, and this is NOT a joke). People don’t like being made to feel guilty. There is a reason why so many copies of books such as Let’s Talk About Race have sold, but so few have actually been read. (Rebecca, Not Becky might not be an excellent read, but what it shows really well is how many well-meaning allies bought the Deep and Important Books, only never quite found time to read past the title – BUT they switch from Ed Sheeran to a R&B Spotify playlist before the book club meeting, showing how greatly they have immersed themselves in racial diversity.)

I would like this book to become a compulsory read for creative writing students. And professors. And guest authors. And bestselling authors. Including The One Who Shall Not Be Named. Not that I think they’re capable of learning. And when I say ‘they’ I am not just making an invisible jab at The One etc., but most of the exact people who should read A Tale of Two Titties. The cover might mislead them, but not for long. Once the words start, and this is one of those books that have words in them, they’ll either rage about woke-blah-something, or simply “DNF at 1% because insert a reason I just invented not to seem sexist.”

PS. I really wouldn’t mind a foreword from Stephen King.
PS2. Stephen, this is a dare. Write that foreword, and I will both buy your next book and read it.

(6.5/10, rounded to 3/5 for Goodreads and 7 for Queen’s Book Asylum)

My ratings:
5* = this book changed my life
4* = very good
3* = good
2* = I probably DNFed it, so I don't give 2* ratings
1* = actively hostile towards the reader

[Tate · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meg Vondriska teaches you to write like a bestselling male author, covering topics such as utilizing common stereotypes, tropes, and classic objectification, so you can dismantle the system from the inside.

A satirical and humorous critique of the historically poor representation of women in literature. A lot of this poor representation can be attributed to the way male authors have reduced female characters to the ways in which they can be useful to male characters—written by the author of the viral "Men Who Write Women" Twitter account, which features examples of male author's wildly misogynistic, often lacking a basic understanding of female anatomy.

I really enjoyed the more serious moments of literary analysis. These moments were more aligned with my reading preferences. I liked the very satirical and sarcastic moments, but they did begin to feel repetitive, making the same points again and again. There were a lot of quality features throughout the book, but at times it came off as gimmicky.

Rating 2.75

Thank you to the publisher and Netgalley for providing a copy in exachange for an honest review!

[Felicia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow. There is a lot to unpack in this book that I don't think I will be able to cover all of. This "workbook" is a satirical tool to help women writer's get recognition for their efforts by teaching them to write like men. Each section has a writing prompt where you are told to get into the mind of a man and write how they see women. Plot twist. It's through objectification. Talk about her breasts, compare them to mountains, talk about how short her dress is or how you can see down it, and don't forget, make them seem stupid. Throughout this book she makes the reader aware of the types of ways men write women and even calls out multiple authors by name. You get to see first hand the type of sentences they construct. But ultimately, it's not their fault, sorta. Society doesn't care about women so the men writing women are just constructs of society. When men (spouses, men in politics, bosses, etc) control women, it allows for writers to write them in a way that is easy to control. While there are moments that were funny because they are just so tragic, there was a lot of information in it worth noting as well. For example, "There are far too many men who don't take a woman's issue seriously until it impacts them at home. For some men, it can take having a (significant other) to realize that rape or domestic violence or basic human rights are a legitimate issue that women deal with on a day-to-day basis." What started out as a thread on twitter amounted to this book to bring the issue to the forefront. Women need to be treated better.

Check out a podcast that I host with my boyfriend where we talk books and book related things:
https://open.spotify.com/show/6Xjyht7...

and our Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/talkbooky/
Edit Review

[Caitlyn · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars

A Tale of Two Titties is an exploration of common literary tropes, themes and plot lines that men have used for centuries to disparage and undermine women in their books. It also features commentary on workplace culture, advertising and general societal attitudes that are influenced by the way men write women. It’s written as a satirical guidebook for authors who want to adapt the ‘can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’ mindset and write some truly one-dimensional characters. I think it’s a very clever format and the author’s wit kept me entertained.

On the surface this is the perfect non-fiction for me, as someone who consumes a lot of feminist non-fic and fiction, plus I read A LOT of books. Unfortunately this book fell short for me for a few reasons:
1. While the basis for this whole book is definitely based in historical fact, a quip the author keeps coming back to is to affect of ‘if you want to be a bestseller, be a man’ and this simply is not true anymore. This was definitely the case until fairly recently, and some of the female authors finding success also write women poorly, women are in the majority on the bestsellers list right now, so this just confused me.
2. This is short for a novel, and I still think the author tried to/had to beef up their ideas to fill the pages because there’s A LOT of repetition. It felt like at the beginning of every new thought, the author was giving us a mini introduction to the book again and I ended up skimming a bit.
3. This may be very minor but there was a line early on that really rubbed me the wrong way and put me off. When discussing the nuances of why women can’t speak up or clap back to misogynistic men, the author says that women risk career setbacks, while women of colour and trans women risk their lives. In what universe are women of ALL backgrounds and identities not being murdered by men? While I appreciate all feminist topics being discussed with an emphasis on intersectionality, this was a totally inappropriate and offensive comment.

Now that’s out of the way, I promise there’s good in here too! Given the way we have been primed to view women by the media from a young age, there were many irreverent and relatable moments in this book. The overall message and purpose of the book is very important, but I didn’t learn anything new.

[Natalie]

I have been a huge fan of Meg Vondriska’s “Men Write Women” Twitter account right up until I deleted Twitter after it became a garbage dump. The account opened my eyes to the sexist tropes in all forms of fiction, which are so ubiquitous that I never thought to question them. It was also very funny, and I enjoyed rolling my eyes at the examples of ridiculous descriptions of breasts and purses hidden in vaginas, which were showcased on the feed.

MV’s book leans heavily into the eye-rolling, but unfortunately doesn’t quite do enough of the serious discussion side. She’s opted to write the book as a satirical “how-to” guide, showcasing common sexist clichés and “advising” aspiring writers – particularly female and non-binary ones – how to write women just like old male authors so as to ensure literary success. Unfortunately for me, the joke wears thin pretty quickly, especially given that here, unlike on Twitter, she seems to rely much more on made-up examples than actual quotes from published authors. I can only assume there were legal reasons for this – though a few quotes do make it into the footnotes. But overall, I feel that the book didn’t add anything to what I had already absorbed from my time reading the tweets, and the theme of “men sure do love describing breasts in various ridiculous ways!” becomes rather repetitive.

The book’s strongest parts are those sections where MV turns serious, and discusses the way in which sexism in fiction reflects and reinforces sexism in society, and I would have loved to read more of this, with deeper and more nuanced discussion. In the closing section of the book, she admits that much of it was born out of spite – her anger at struggling as a writer while male authors could publish absolute garbage without any significant criticism. I hope that she has now got this out of her system, and perhaps her next book could have more of that serious discussion – and maybe more actual examples of bad writing of female characters, with some positive counter-examples showcasing the writing of women and non-binary people.

[Sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious and tear-inducing (because some quotes are so cringe), this little guide helps you become a better writer of female characters. Filled with examples, exercises and exams, it is both theoretical and practical. You bet I’ve learned how to write a Secretary or Nagging Wife character better than your best-selling white male author can now!

All jokes aside: I enjoyed reading this very much. The humorous undertone to a quite serious problem made for easy reading, laugh out loud moments and the desire to gift this to everyone I know when it comes out in July.

Anyone who complains about it being too on the nose, exaggerated or stereotyping white male authors missed the point of the book.

5 big titties (stars) from me.

[Alex Z (azeebooks) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Have you ever pondered, how can I reduce a female character in my story to a wonderful, bouncing, pair of breasts?

Well, does Meg Vondriska have the answer for you! Follow along in her book for an invigorating lesson in tropes, reductive language, and misogyny! Now with wordsearches, madlibs, and quizzes! How Fun!

In all seriousness, this book is a hilarious (but also depressing bc, wow... real) look at women in literature and the extensive amount of misogyny male authors have gotten away with in history. It's wild to think of all the media we have consumed in life at face value and just accepted that these characters and prejudices are ok! When shown through humour it really hits different. Recommend to basically anyone who enjoys media studies, feminism, and madlibs.

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Available July 23, 2024

Thank you to Netgalley and Sourcebooks for an advance review copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

[Amy Prosenjak · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this, laugh out loud funny, and groan out loud examples from writers I’ve read and loved. Helpful of what to be on the lookout for and to strive not to do myself.

“It’s important to have these conversations … because while dismantling the patriarchy won’t happen overnight, it can be taken down brick by brick. Just because these writers objectify their female characters doesn’t mean they’re inherently bad people; it just means that they’re part of a system that’s done nothing but work for them … noticing that system that is imperative. Using humor as a tool to help people notice this kind of casual misogyny, instead of an accusatory “why didn’t you notice!?” voice.”

[Alex Temblador · Rating 5 out of 5]

Meg Vondriska has written a hilarious and informative guide that every writer (okay, person!) should read. She calls out the deplorable ways that men have written women (and how publishing continues to allow them to). Through satire and humor, she guides writers on a journey of learning how not to perpetuate women's stereotypes in their work through interactive exercises, graphs, quizzes, and guessing games. Every time I picked up this book to read a new chapter, it inevitably made me gasp and chuckle. Fantastic job, Meg! I can't wait for more books by you.

[Liam Hyland · Rating 4 out of 5]

A sarcastic and fantastic book on the state of patriarchal writing and writers. Short read that contains writing prompts and exercises so you yourself can learn to write about women in the respected stature they’ve always been. Really enjoyed the authors fun way to approach this topic. Will never read a book the same, or see women in literature in the same light again.

[Ami 乁⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠o⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠ㄏ (written by Jane Austen) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Feels a lil weird giving it three stars because the book brings up such an important topic in a very humourous way but I gotta admit, after the first 100 pages I was beginning to get tired of the gimmick.

The book is definitely very informative and brings to light something that most women have known all along, even if not recognised it for what it is, but the author's writing style does get old.

That being said, this book has made me think about a lot of the books I've read in thr past.

[Sydney Curran · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you Sourcebooks via NetGalley for the ARC!

I enjoyed the biting satire this book offered when it came to how women are typically written by men in the literary canon. There were times that it felt repetitive, but the message was clear throughout which still made it an enjoyable read!

[Melodneice · Rating 4 out of 5]

Insightful and clever-glad to now have a perspective on something I haven’t noticed in all my many years of existence

[Sidney · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a much needed comedic relief...even if some of the content that has you laughing also makes you want to cry at the fact that it's true and based on real examples. The title is what first caught my attention of this book & the cover art was a very appropriate compliment.

The book is a fun way to talk about somewhat of a serious problem. It tackles what is a tension within the writing world (and lets be honest, the world in whole) where men are often able to obtain publishing deals much easier than women, for more money and without being pigeonholed into children or YA. Using a whole lot of satire, Vondriska makes light of the clear discrepancies between the expectations of male vs. female authors – and what is accepted by men that a female author would never live down the scrutiny for if they did the same.

It's an alarming and glaring look at something that is very often ignored and overlooked by our male counterparts. Men writing women is an internet sensation and Vondriska does a fantastic job of pulling together the evidence that is the clear gap in what it takes to succeed based on gender.

I love the workbook format that is used to relay the information and truly send home the points that she's making. Want to be a best selling author and be deemed one of the best of all time? Follow these steps to ensure that you never write a women with respect, dignity or most importantly...accurately at all!

The examples she chose to include from famous male authors are superb! I found myself cringing at the experts of work from authors the majority of us know like a household name, even if you aren't a reader. How they have been spoken to highly of yet might describe women's breasts as "two pleasure domes" is quite the interesting and hard reality to face.

I think what Vondriska is doing here is not only important, but very well done. I enjoyed the book as a whole and it was certainly the book that I went to when I wanted to read but also needed a good laugh. I have already purchased a copy for a friend who is a female writer and I can see it being a book I gift to other women in my life who have felt second tier to the bare minimum.

Thank you to NetGallery for the advance read copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

[Meagan Grauel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book from a friend who thought I might enjoy the contents, even if I wasn't intending on using this as a workbook. And I must say, it almost made me want to try writing!
The author is very funny and sarcastic, which I wholeheartedly love in an author, especially when that sarcasm is directed at men. The book was interesting from the introduction on, and brought up very good points. The book highlights how the double standards for women are everywhere in society and those effects are extremely pervasive. These double standards are not only present when it comes to male authors vs. female authors (who have historically have been given way more credit for their writing, while female authors don't get nearly as much press or hype), but also in how women are portrayed in that writing. Females are often stripped down to their physical assets, while male characters are often described in terms of their behavior. Misogyny hits deep, and it is prevalent in books. While the book is written in a satirical tone, the fact that men do exactly what the author describes has never been more apparent to me than after reading this writers guide. The author explains that this workbook is a chance to "take control of [your] literary destiny" - because if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, which is needed to infiltrate their inner circle and eventually take over. I love that the sections are broken down into different types of bras, and that at the end of each section there's a "breast exam." Honestly, the vibes are immaculate, and I would definitely recommend reading this to fill yourself with feminine rage and use that fire to overcome the patriarchy.

There were so many aspects that I enjoyed about this book. The forefront of that list being the sarcastic, yet informative (and eye opening) voice that the entire workbook is written in.
Another of the things that I enjoyed was use of the food pyramid and the correlation of listing female physical attributes how a male author would use them when describing a female character. Breasts are obviously at the bottom of the pyramid and should be used most often when describing a woman. Bread and butter of the character really.

My favorite (or quote that pissed me off the most) was "When men fail, they fail up." There is hardly anything that a man can do that he'll have consequences for, especially if that man is white. This book was pretty eye opening and I'm not gonna lie, it made me mad too. Mad that woman are so frequently put down and made to feel less for a man. I am angry how woman are treated and how unequal our society is as a whole.

What a great gift this book would be for your conservative far right male family member. Maybe they could read it and learn a thing or two about how they're objectifying females in their lives. Or it will piss them off and they won't talk to you again. Honestly - only wins in that scenario.

[Autumn · Rating 1 out of 5]

★

This is the first time I ever picked up a book purely because of its pretty cover and / or punny title.
And it will be my last!


What I expected (based on the description)
↳ A history of how women have been presented in literature
↳ Bestselling works— hopefully many current ones to see how this problem persists nowadays, as I usually tend to read female authors— which contain sexist tropes
↳ Satire

What I got
↳ Little history of women in literature, reserved mainly for the end. Discussions of things such as female directors being snubbed at the Oscars (a very real issue!), but this has no relation to a work about sexist tropes in literature
↳ A lot of dated works, many from 13+ years ago. Very few published in the last 5 years (timely relevance is important!)
↳ An author who acted the same way all men supposedly act, and called it satire?


Criticisms:
[+] The last few chapters is where the book gets on track. The author discusses some history of female tropes in literature and why they’re problematic in the real world. Had the book’s prior analysis of the literary muses been tightened up and injected into these last few chapters, along with a further study of their history in literature and more inclusion of recently-published works, this could’ve been an effective book.

[-] The writing was sloppy, repetitive, and long-winded. This book should’ve been capped at 150 pages.



Etc.
Who is this intended for?
↳ Women are generally well-aware of how men perceive us, whether in real life or in media
↳ The tone is not welcoming to a male author or, I’d argue, any male (which means they will not read this book but if they do they’ll put it down quickly)

Which leads me to…

What is the goal of this book?
↳ To point out sexist tropes?
↳ To spark change in how women are portrayed in media?

How do you expect to achieve whatever your goal is when there is no clear intended audience, and when the audience it is reaching (women) is already familiar with how they are portrayed?

Also!
It is my personal experience and observation that has led me to believe that tactfulness is part of effectively calling someone else (or an idea, institution, etc.) out. With a quote like “This section is about stooping so far to their level that you become one with the earthworms” (among a book-length amount of other, more petulant quotes) it is clear that this book has no tact.



All that to say: The redeeming qualities of this book are its cover design and punny title.

Thank you NetGalley and Sourcebooks for the arc!

[Paula Phillips · Rating 3 out of 5]

"A Tale of Two Titties: A Guide to Writing Women Like a Bestselling Male Author" by Meg Vondriska offers a hilarious yet scathing critique of the portrayal of women in literature, particularly by male authors. With a title that grabs attention and a premise that promises both humor and insight, Vondriska takes readers on a journey through the often absurd and offensive representations of female characters in bestselling books.

The book begins with a blunt acknowledgment of the dismal state of women's representation in literature, attributing much of the blame to male authors who reduce female characters to mere objects or plot devices. Vondriska's approach is refreshingly candid as she exposes the pervasive stereotypes, tropes, and objectification that plague female characters in fiction.

Through a combination of literary analysis, interactive exercises, and witty commentary, Vondriska offers readers a toolkit for writing women that mimics the style of bestselling male authors. From fill-in-the-blank exercises to word searches and scenario prompts, she provides ample opportunity for readers to practice writing through the male gaze, all the while highlighting the absurdity of such portrayals.

One of the book's strengths lies in its use of authentic examples from well-known authors like Stephen King and John Steinbeck to illustrate the perpetuation of misogynistic and trope-filled female characterizations in fiction. These examples serve as sobering reminders of the prevalence of problematic portrayals of women in literature, even by celebrated authors.

Vondriska's writing strikes a delicate balance between satirical humor and righteous indignation, making for an engaging and thought-provoking read. She deftly navigates the fine line between entertainment and social commentary, never shying away from calling out the injustices inherent in the portrayal of women in literature.

Despite the book's humorous tone, its message is clear and urgent: it's time to dismantle the system from within by subverting the tired conventions of male-authored fiction. "A Tale of Two Titties" serves as both an illuminating study of women's representation in literature and a practical guide for writers looking to challenge the status quo.

In conclusion, Meg Vondriska's "A Tale of Two Titties" is a must-read for anyone interested in the intersection of gender and literature. With its blend of humor, insight, and activism, it offers a compelling call to action for writers to do better when it comes to portraying women on the page.

[Amr Saleh · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Tale of Two Titties is a smart, eye-opening, funny, and thought-provoking book that will have your reactions constantly shifting between laughing and shouting "WTF" whenever Meg Vondriska drops a quote to prove a point. And she always proves her point.

If you need a guide on how to become the next bestselling author, Meg Vondriska has you covered. You simply have to follow the valuable lessons in A Tale of Two Titties on how to write women like a man. But not just any man. Like a bestselling male author. If you do it correctly, you bet you'll get published in no time, and it's just one small step away from the bestseller's list. See? Easy.

But on a more serious note, A Tale of Two Titties offers brilliant criticism of the misogyny found in our fiction. It also does a great job of pointing out how we, as a society, are often conditioned to view it as "just the way things are," to the point of not noticing it anymore. The book provides a very smart analysis of the environment that spawns the misogynistic quotes featured in its pages and the many forms it manifests itself in our fiction. Vondriska’s point became painfully clear to me when she introduced quotes from books I truly love—lines I didn’t even notice were problematic when I read them for the first time, or multiple times in many cases. And that is exactly the point. By contextualizing the way male authors write women, the problem becomes painfully clear, and descriptions and characteristics of women in fiction turn from "just words" to "a symptom of a structural problem."

What makes Meg Vondriska’s debut so addictive is how engaging it is. At its core, A Tale of Two Titties follows the pattern of a well-structured workbook: Theory -> Examples -> Summary -> Exercise -> Reflection. But it never felt like a chore or homework. I gladly went along with the structure because 1) it was fun, and 2) I was genuinely engaged with the subject matter because of how Vondriska presented it to me. Here, I would also love to take a moment to talk about how brilliant the interior design is. It made the book visually appealing, true, but more importantly, it also complemented the text in very interesting and imaginative ways.

A Tale of Two Titties is a book that lives up to its name. It takes everything written by male authors and unapologetically throws it back in their faces, and for that, it deserves all the stars I can give it.

[Chelsea Wallace · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book, A Tale of Two Titties, by Meg Vondriska, is an absolute riot. As someone who enjoys writing, I found it to not only to be helpful, but also laugh out loud funny. It may technically be aimed towards literally anyone other than male writers, but I think even cishet men could enjoy the playfulness and education within this book. And if they can’t, they should. But I fear many men would be very disgruntled after reading just a handful of pages…

I think my favorite elements of this writing guide are the actual quotes from literature written by men she peppers through the book to illustrate her points. Not that I love the terribly worded scenes written about women, but the author is able to find some of the most horrifically funny examples of toxic masculinity EVER.

This book is also so much more than education and instruction; it’s a fully formed workbook for writers. Writing prompts, quizzes, and exercises are included throughout. There’s even a word search and multiple Madlibs to enjoy! So much fun. Very engaging and interactive.

I’d say the only potential issue I had with A Tale of Two Titties was the use of boobs, bra sizes, and other patriarchal stereotypes of what a woman should be and how she should dress. Does the author have to categorize the processes of her book in breast/bra sizes? She did speak to the fact that nonbinary and trans people need better representation. I’m guessing that the playful use of antiquated feminine tropes was just that…playful. Perhaps it was meant to keep things light and humorous while the content themes weighed heavy? Regardless, it would have been interesting to see how Vondriska could have worked in more creative, diverse terminology. But I get it, it’s all very intentionally sarcastic.

Overall, I got a kick out of this book. As I read my ARC, I knew I’d like to get my hands on a physical copy so I could fill out its blank pages lined for the writing prompts. It would certainly be a hilariously fun option for a book club!

A big thank you to NetGalley and Sourcebooks for gifting me the opportunity to enjoy this ARC.

A Tale of Two Titties, by Meg Vondriska, is set to be published and available on July 23, 2024.

[Michelle Mallette · Rating 3 out of 5]

First, can we just take a moment to admire the title? Brilliant! Meg Vondriska is best known for her Twitter (she refuses to called it X) feed @MenWritingWomen, in which she skewers modern authors for their appalling (I mean truly dreadful) descriptions of female characters – in many cases, just their body parts. She is so mad-funny an agent approached her to do a book, which resulted in this delightful title. The premise is that male authors are so successful doing this that female writers might as well cash in, so Vondriska offers a step-by-step instruction book on how to write women like a man. Objectify them, rely on stereotypes and tropes, and for god’s sake don’t give her a brain. It’s hilarious, but it’s also infuriating and deeply discouraging, especially when you read her examples of misogynistic writing published in the past decade. Where the bleep are the editors and publishers? Even more discouraging are the anti-woman quotes used for a “fiction or politician?” exercise – hard to believe these dickheads get elected. And re-elected. Sigh. That brings me to my complaint about this book – there are a LOT of “exercises” that are essentially fill in the blank or complete this sentence about a woman like a man would. I get the point, and this feels like someone wanted to pad the book a bit. It’s too bad because I learned a lot reading this book, and I think it stands as a powerful critique and call to action without taking the “learn to write like a man” approach quite that far. We get it. An excellent reference list at the end, and some good footnoting along the way. And not surprisingly, plenty of f-bombs and crude wording. To be expected, given the topic; I’m not offended at all, just offering a comment. This should be required reading for all wannabe writers, and students of literature. Business leaders and politicians. Teen boys. Heck, make it everyone. Just cut out those dumb blank pages first. My thanks to the Grand Forks (B.C.) & District Public Library for including this sharp title in its adult nonfiction collection.

[razan · Rating 4 out of 5]

not all-encompassing but this book would send any of the following people into a coma:

✅ anti-feminists
✅ men with podcasts
✅ republicans (especially ones who think women are "asking for it")
✅ people who are quick af to defend authors for mysogny
✅ anyone who mocks or bullies women on booktok for reading romance with spice

if you do not fall in any of the categories above and believe that women deserve more than to be sexualized in books, i highly recommend this book! i will also turn a blind eye to any woman who wants to use this book as a guide to get on the NYT bestsellers list and get a movie deal lmao.

frankly, i don't read a lot of book written by men and i haven't read any of the books mentioned in this guide so you can imagine my surprise reading some of these quotes. that's not to say i haven't unfortunately read books written by men where woman are heavily sexualized and described inappropriately because trust me i have read my fair share. for example, the author of an arc i read last year Zero Kill would definitely have scored 100% on the final exam unironically. it's crazy to think about the amount of success these men get from simply being unoriginal and writing anatomically incorrect descriptions of women. ah to be a man who can sit on his lazy boy and profit from writing about women's breasts 😍

[Pallavi · Rating 5 out of 5]

As the orb-like globules of lacteal fountain (to which the expendable skin tissue known as a woman is attached) attract the attention of the only gender that matters, so must this book gather all the attention of your orbs.

ATOTT is a guide/workbook for all aspiring female authors who feel lost on how to write about their own morphology/anatomy. Let's be honest, women are always lost, being damsels in distress and all that!
So let this enlightening piece of literature open your marbles of vision. What superficially reads like a perfect balance of an academic well researched publication meets the funniest Instagram comment section, is ultimately a calling out of the most misogynistic descriptions of women in modern literature. The author calls the reader to action, to NOTICE these subtle signs of objectification in the most hilarious yet furious writing I've ever read.
Sarcastic, educational & entertaining throughout, I'm grateful for ATOTT. For someone who's come across so much of this nonsense before and tends to notice it, it only fuelled my offense when I read tons of examples provided by the author.

While reading this, there's one concern that kept bugging me & I really hope @megvondriska compiles a sequel of these: the addition to these by some female authors, whose descriptions sometimes have shocked me in equal measure or even the overused classic quirky girl trope.

I loved every single second of this book, even though it tends to get a bit repetitive towards the end (though in retrospect I'm slightly thankful for the same as it drilled the point into my feeble brain like a nagging wife!).

In sum, it is a HUGE treat to watch Vondriska demolish the 'literary bro culture' under the farce of encouraging you to be better (or worse?!) than them.

I highly recommend this. HIGHLY. AS HIGH AS YOUR EYEBROWS WOULD GO READING ABOUT THE PURSE IN THE VAGINA.

[Mary Lynne · Rating 2 out of 5]

A Tale of Two Titties is built on a vital—and true—premise: most men don’t know how to write female characters well. Vondriska built a following on Twitter (now X) with an account that shares quotes from male author’s books that painfully illustrate just how woeful (on the generous side) to awful (on the honest side) some of these depictions are.

So I was interested to see what she’d do with more words to discuss this problem. But what works well in short bursts doesn’t necessarily equate to the same level of success in a full-length book. After a while of reading this, I felt like saying, “yeah, I got it already” as Vondriska hammered her point home yet one more time.

The layout of this book—with exercises, quizzes, and more—helps keep up interest. I also loved some of her premises, like women falling into stereotypes she calls Muses. And her examples of all the problems she’s found in these depictions of women are amusingly crafted.

But ultimately, I wonder who the audience for this book is. The men who truly need it either won’t admit they do or will be put off by the constant denigrating tone Vondriska employs. And if women pick up this book, it almost seems like the result is preaching to the choir. There’s a good lesson to be learned here for the male writer willing to explore it, even if they only use a chapter or two. But I’m not sure most of them will get even that far.

My thanks to Netgalley for the chance to review.

[The Bibliophile Doctor · Rating 3 out of 5]

A Tale of Two Titties: A Writer's Guide to Conquering the Most Sexist Tropes in Literary History by Meg Vondriska


A tale of two titties was a fun read, the title was interesting and caught my attention and after reading synopsis I had to read it. Now giving it a 3 stars was a dicey thing for me as most of the book was spot on about how male writers sexualise and objectify women and their bodies especially breasts.


Author has mentioned so many famous writers including Steinbeck who is my favourite btw but I never noticed the implied. So either we are so used to men doing it or women being objectified that it doesn't raise our concern in this particular regard. I was astounded, appalled and horrified, as well as laughing at points.

My only issue was it got repetitive and should not have been this long maybe because towards end I was really losing my interest and I wanted myself engaged till the end of the book but in the end I just couldn't. Also writing style was a bit haphazard or something was just missing in it, like it read like a medical research paper or something, I couldn't really put my finger on it but it also bothered me a bit.

If you look at most books even today, most are male centric,coz we live in a patriarchal world. It furiates me , no wonder the tone of the book is also furiating and satirical.

Thank you sourcebooks and Netgalley for the ARC in exchange of an honest review.

[Ciara · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a fun little gift book for the literary-minded feminist in your life (which may be you!). Meg Vondriska is behind the famous "Men Writing Women" Twitter/X account, which has spawned many imitators, as well as the contract for this book. It's a satirical writing guide for writers seeking to imbue their manuscripts with a little more of the masculine energy that has inspired so many actual published authors to write about breasts as if they respond to emotional stimuli, & churn out canonical works that aggressively fail the Bechdel test. She addresses key female stereotypes & how to use them, the perfect tropes for flattening your female characters, & of course, the descriptive language required to ensure that every reader knows you've never actually met a woman in real life.

The book is a mix of tongue-in-cheek literary analysis & writing exercises, with actual blank pages on which to complete the work. It's all very funny, but not necessarily breaking new ground for the assumed audience of the book. The blank pages also give it the feel of a book you might find in a break room or on the back of the toilet. Some chuckles to pass a few minutes of downtime. I really wish there had been more substance to it, but I guess when you're turning a Twitter account into a book, expectations should be tempered. My favorite parts were the real-life examples of terrible writing by men, which is, of course, the bread & butter of Vondriska's account.