The Adventures of Alianore Audley
By Brian Wainwright
Reviewed December 31, 2021
“As my mother used to tell me, there’s nothing better than a good knight in bed.”
Alianore Audley is a sexy, sassy wench who tells it like she sees it, and no one is exempt from her biting wit. Not her family, not her husband, not even the brothers York, though she is an intelligence operative for Ed IV and loyal to the House of York. However, if faced with torture, she’ll give up all she knows and then some, because while she may be loyal, she’s not into pain and suffering.
Her keen eye and powers of observation make themselves known at an early age. While at a convent, when the Bishop’s Vicar-General is found lying on the grass in the middle of the cloisters Alianore is able to demonstrate that the man did not die from a heart attack (the head wound had something to do with that) but also embarrasses the Prioress when she points out,
‘You obviously dressed in some degree of haste. No doubt that’s why you’re wearing his drawers on your head instead of your wimple.’
Her life in the convent proved to be short lived after that.
Even though the Audleys are described as an “obscure tribe” (as Alianore puts it), they are related to royalty with Alianore a cousin to the king, who ends up sending her to be a part of Lady Warwick’s household, so off she goes to Middleham.
While there, she becomes acquainted with the king’s youngest brother Richard. Her observations about young Gloucester are not necessarily flattering. Quite the opposite, in fact. She finds him something of a stick-in-the-mud and describes him as wearing the “troubled expression of a man whose bowels have not moved for three months. Richard always did look a bit like that. You got used to it after a while. Some women even found it attractive.”
At one point, Alianore finds herself pondering how Richard ever managed to father two bastards. “He probably received a royal command to do it, in writing, with the Great Seal of England attached.” She also notes the duke’s nervous habit of twisting his rings on his fingers. “At this point they were going around so quickly that I thought he was going to screw his hand off.”
While at Middleham, she learns of the Earl of Warwick’s plotting against the king and forwards this information to King Edward...and this is what leads to her being recruited to gather intelligence for the king, going on secret missions, compiling files, and keeping a finger on the political pulse of the land.
The Adventures of Alianore Audley is a rollicking good read that has a definite target audience. While the lady’s adventures are laugh out loud funny, it helps to be at least reasonably familiar with the Wars of the Roses to get all the little in jokes. The more you know, the funnier it gets. And even though it’s obvious the author is pro-Yorkist and pro-Ricardian, that doesn’t stop him from poking fun at both, although adjectives like “obnoxious” tied to the name Tudor doesn’t hurt, either.
And while the situations Alianore finds herself in are well grounded in historical facts, there’s almost always a humorous twist to them, which makes me wonder – might not some of the events of that period have had a funny side to them that we simply have no way of knowing about? As for the big reveal at the end about one of Ed IV’s liaisons? Well, who’s to say it might not have happened?