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The May Queen: Women on Life, Love, Work, and Pulling It All Together in Your 30s
If recent bestsellers such as The Bitch in the House and Midlife Crisis at Thirty serve as any indication of how women are experiencing their thirties, who can blame women embarking upon this decade in their life for panicking? Yet, as the contributors to this thoughtful and inspiring book attest, it doesn't have to be so scary.
In The May Queen , a wide array of women-including bestselling author Jennifer Weiner and star of the hit independent film Kissing Jessica Stein Heather Juergensen-describe the conflicting emotions they've felt in response to the "anything is possible" message women of their generation receive. And yet, all of the women featured in this book have found their thirties to be a time of great opportunity-a period in their lives in which they're taking the time to consider what they have lost, what they have gained, and what they still need to learn. This book gives a powerful voice to a new generation of women beginning to make its mark on the world.
In The May Queen , a wide array of women-including bestselling author Jennifer Weiner and star of the hit independent film Kissing Jessica Stein Heather Juergensen-describe the conflicting emotions they've felt in response to the "anything is possible" message women of their generation receive. And yet, all of the women featured in this book have found their thirties to be a time of great opportunity-a period in their lives in which they're taking the time to consider what they have lost, what they have gained, and what they still need to learn. This book gives a powerful voice to a new generation of women beginning to make its mark on the world.
269 pages, Paperback
First published March 23, 2006
12 people are currently reading
240 people want to read
About the author
Andrea N. Richesin
7 books44 followersAndrea N. Richesin is the editor of four anthologies, Crush: 26 Real-life Tales of First Love; Because I Love Her: 34 Women Writers Reflect on the Mother-Daughter Bond; What I Would Tell Her: 28 Devoted Dads on Bringing Up, Holding On To, and Letting Go of their Daughters; and The May Queen: Women on Life, Love, Work and Pulling it all Together in Your Thirties. Her books have been excerpted and praised in The New York Times, the San Francisco Chronicle, The Boston Globe, Redbook, Parenting, Cosmopolitan, Bust, Salon and Babble. She lives with her husband and daughter in the San Francisco Bay Area.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
July 31, 2008
I have only just started reading this collection of short stories written by women entering their 30s. The collection includes observations and personal anecdotes by a variety of women who have chosen a variety of different life paths. The following is a review of one of the stories I read.
One of the short stories, "The Missing Biological Clock" by Meghan Daum, evaluated the social and personal implications of choosing not to have children. In witty and, at times, biting prose, she evalutes the expectation that women are meant to have children, or that having children gives women access to a deeper, more fulfilling life.
Many of her observations resonated with me. "Even though no one would dispute a sixteen-year-old, or even the eight-year-old, who expresses her desire to be a mother someday, the thirty-four-year-old who says she doesn't want children is equivalent to the high school sophomore who vows to marry her prom date. She will receive a pat on the head and a knowing, condescending smile. These are words that will be eaten. This is a phase that will be outgrown."
As a woman of 28 who has long felt that children are not in her future, this is an attitude that I have felt from both male partners and female friends.
As a college educated woman and public high school teacher, I have also found that people like to use this line of argument with me:
"As many self-professed liberals and nonracists like to point out, at least in private, 'the wrong people are having children.' The 'wrong' people, in this case, are teenagers, poor people, and, though we hate to say it out loud, certain ethnic groups that have traditionally put a premium on large families. As a 'right' kind of person, the common logic goes, it is incumbent upon me to help reverse the trend. I would be a 'good' parent in that I would be a white, educated parent who probably wouldn't have more than two children and would not likely be caught leaving toddlers alone in a beat-up Buick while she dashed into a 7-Eleven for smokes. As a product of middle-class America, I've been told that it's my duty to replenish the middle class (or at least what's left of it", to continue the legacy of parenting that encourages Sesame Street over violent cartoons and granola bars over Fritos, and maintains a two-income household that socks away money for university tuition, plus a little extra for family excursions to historical sights."
I have liked the stories that I have read thus far and look forward to reading more. This book was recommended by several girl friends (already in their 30s) and I am already very much enjoying it.
One of the short stories, "The Missing Biological Clock" by Meghan Daum, evaluated the social and personal implications of choosing not to have children. In witty and, at times, biting prose, she evalutes the expectation that women are meant to have children, or that having children gives women access to a deeper, more fulfilling life.
Many of her observations resonated with me. "Even though no one would dispute a sixteen-year-old, or even the eight-year-old, who expresses her desire to be a mother someday, the thirty-four-year-old who says she doesn't want children is equivalent to the high school sophomore who vows to marry her prom date. She will receive a pat on the head and a knowing, condescending smile. These are words that will be eaten. This is a phase that will be outgrown."
As a woman of 28 who has long felt that children are not in her future, this is an attitude that I have felt from both male partners and female friends.
As a college educated woman and public high school teacher, I have also found that people like to use this line of argument with me:
"As many self-professed liberals and nonracists like to point out, at least in private, 'the wrong people are having children.' The 'wrong' people, in this case, are teenagers, poor people, and, though we hate to say it out loud, certain ethnic groups that have traditionally put a premium on large families. As a 'right' kind of person, the common logic goes, it is incumbent upon me to help reverse the trend. I would be a 'good' parent in that I would be a white, educated parent who probably wouldn't have more than two children and would not likely be caught leaving toddlers alone in a beat-up Buick while she dashed into a 7-Eleven for smokes. As a product of middle-class America, I've been told that it's my duty to replenish the middle class (or at least what's left of it", to continue the legacy of parenting that encourages Sesame Street over violent cartoons and granola bars over Fritos, and maintains a two-income household that socks away money for university tuition, plus a little extra for family excursions to historical sights."
I have liked the stories that I have read thus far and look forward to reading more. This book was recommended by several girl friends (already in their 30s) and I am already very much enjoying it.
March 7, 2010
The title of The May Queen is pretty self-explanatory. This is a collection of essays written by women in their 30s talking about how they learned that turning the big 3-0 wasn't the end of the world and how their lives really came together in their 30s. I'm not exactly sure how I felt about this book. I had very high hopes for it. I am in my 30s. When I saw this book in a magazine, I thought it was a great idea so I got it on inter-library loan to read. I had hoped to be inspired by the book but the essays left me a little flat. It's not that the essays were bad. In fact, they were very well written and entertaining for the most part. I just couldn't relate to the essays. Most of the women that contributed essays to the book found their happiness by getting married and having children in their 30s. My road doesn't travel down that direction right now. As a matter of fact, I can't see myself as getting married with all the other things going on in my life. But that doesn't mean that my life is unfulfilled because I'm in my 30s and haven't settled down with a husband and children.
I've learned a lot in my 30s. I quit my job and went back to college in my late 20s, graduated in my 30s. In that time, I learned a lot about people and starting over. I moved away from my family and learned to stand on my own two feet. I lived alone and learned how to live with myself and not be afraid to have myself over for dinner. Moving to a strange town on my own forced me to face my fears, let down my guard a little and let others in even if my heart got a little bruised along the way.
When a medical tragedy struck my family, I learned just how important that family back home was and how powerful of an emotion familial love is. Together my family has learned to lean on one another. We've learned to be grateful for what we have. I've learned that, even though we might argue and fight, my sister is an amazing woman (who turned 29 for the first time this year) that will be there for me when I need her. Together, she and I can tackle any obstacle put before us. I've also found out that God gave me some pretty amazing friends that love me and accept me for who I am (what's more they listen to my endless theories about Lost and what I heard on such-and-such podcast and my undying love for a certain Firefly captain).
I'm 34 years old and what I've learned most in my 30s is to trust in myself, my family and friends, to stand on my own two feet, that succeeding in life isn't about making the most money or possessing things, and mostly I've learned that every once in a while, I've got to trust in others to take care of me.
The essays weren't bad, I just wish the editor had worked harder to find essays that reflected women being strong and "pulling it together" without relying on a man or children because I know I'm not the only woman out there that's found other pathways to happiness
I've learned a lot in my 30s. I quit my job and went back to college in my late 20s, graduated in my 30s. In that time, I learned a lot about people and starting over. I moved away from my family and learned to stand on my own two feet. I lived alone and learned how to live with myself and not be afraid to have myself over for dinner. Moving to a strange town on my own forced me to face my fears, let down my guard a little and let others in even if my heart got a little bruised along the way.
When a medical tragedy struck my family, I learned just how important that family back home was and how powerful of an emotion familial love is. Together my family has learned to lean on one another. We've learned to be grateful for what we have. I've learned that, even though we might argue and fight, my sister is an amazing woman (who turned 29 for the first time this year) that will be there for me when I need her. Together, she and I can tackle any obstacle put before us. I've also found out that God gave me some pretty amazing friends that love me and accept me for who I am (what's more they listen to my endless theories about Lost and what I heard on such-and-such podcast and my undying love for a certain Firefly captain).
I'm 34 years old and what I've learned most in my 30s is to trust in myself, my family and friends, to stand on my own two feet, that succeeding in life isn't about making the most money or possessing things, and mostly I've learned that every once in a while, I've got to trust in others to take care of me.
The essays weren't bad, I just wish the editor had worked harder to find essays that reflected women being strong and "pulling it together" without relying on a man or children because I know I'm not the only woman out there that's found other pathways to happiness
February 19, 2008
(picked up @ the library on 2/9) so far this isn't clicking with me! it seems a bit stereo typical and negative so far. i don't know. i think i felt & did more of this stuff in my teens & 20's than i do now in my 30's! (maybe i'm dyslexic in more ways than one!!!)
for what ever reasons, i've never felt much of the stereo-typical pressures that a lot of women face. did i relentlessly look for love in all the wrong guys & places?! you betcha! in the last 1/2 of my 20's and at first for a year or so in my 30's (because neither of us had been married before and we're "older" than most who marry) i felt as though i was way behind on some things like having a family, owning home and making progress on a career ~ after hubby & i married (in 2005, 4 days after i turned 30 and a month before he turned 40) i got sick to death of being asked "are you pregnant yet?!" and that's about it!
update: finished!!! i liked 7 out of the 27 essays (28 if you count the intro) but i wasn't into the rest! i admire all the authors honesty in their writings regardless! i think i was expecting more diversity in the 'subject matter' based on the description and i think 'motherhood' should be included in the subtitle on the cover!
just fyi, the 7 i liked: 'bedsores and cocktails' by heather juergensen, 'i'm the one' by erin ergenbright, 'the one and only buddha' by samina ali, 'how i see it' by amy meeropol, 'to all the men i've loved before' by amanda eyre ward, 'single, mother' by jennifer baumgardner and 'plus one, plus two, plus three' by louise jarvis flynn
for what ever reasons, i've never felt much of the stereo-typical pressures that a lot of women face. did i relentlessly look for love in all the wrong guys & places?! you betcha! in the last 1/2 of my 20's and at first for a year or so in my 30's (because neither of us had been married before and we're "older" than most who marry) i felt as though i was way behind on some things like having a family, owning home and making progress on a career ~ after hubby & i married (in 2005, 4 days after i turned 30 and a month before he turned 40) i got sick to death of being asked "are you pregnant yet?!" and that's about it!
update: finished!!! i liked 7 out of the 27 essays (28 if you count the intro) but i wasn't into the rest! i admire all the authors honesty in their writings regardless! i think i was expecting more diversity in the 'subject matter' based on the description and i think 'motherhood' should be included in the subtitle on the cover!
just fyi, the 7 i liked: 'bedsores and cocktails' by heather juergensen, 'i'm the one' by erin ergenbright, 'the one and only buddha' by samina ali, 'how i see it' by amy meeropol, 'to all the men i've loved before' by amanda eyre ward, 'single, mother' by jennifer baumgardner and 'plus one, plus two, plus three' by louise jarvis flynn
January 4, 2008
Hmmm...not what I expected. There are at least two great essays included in the selection, and a handful of good ones. But, it seemed like the same type of woman in various cities with different jobs were writing the same story: I was a happy-go-lucky/out-of-control fuck up until I met the right man and gave birth to the most amazing baby in the world!
There was only one essay that presented a p.o.v. of a woman choosing not to have kids. And, only a few that didn't address motherhood at all or only casually mentioned a baby was present somewhere off page. So, I found the collection a bit disappointing. Not that the "mother of the most amazing baby in the world" stories didn't appeal to me, but they came in a bunch and the overwhelming impression was a deadening sameness. Haven't we heard this p.o.v before from men? "I was a happy-go-lucky/out-of-control fuck up until I met the right girl and she gave birth to the most amazing baby in the world!"
But, I did get introduced to some amazing writers and I'm going to check out their novels (Michelle Richmonds, Julianna Baggott, Samina Ali).
There was only one essay that presented a p.o.v. of a woman choosing not to have kids. And, only a few that didn't address motherhood at all or only casually mentioned a baby was present somewhere off page. So, I found the collection a bit disappointing. Not that the "mother of the most amazing baby in the world" stories didn't appeal to me, but they came in a bunch and the overwhelming impression was a deadening sameness. Haven't we heard this p.o.v before from men? "I was a happy-go-lucky/out-of-control fuck up until I met the right girl and she gave birth to the most amazing baby in the world!"
But, I did get introduced to some amazing writers and I'm going to check out their novels (Michelle Richmonds, Julianna Baggott, Samina Ali).
July 2, 2007
ok so i was in the library and this book literally jumped out at me...ok maybe not but it was sitting on the 7 day express shelf and the title screamed to me :-) it was right around my bday and i was very depressed that in a year i will be the dreaded 30....this book was a compilation of different people who have all turned 30 and survived...it was great to see though how everyone has different expectations about where they thought they would be at 30...whether it was in relationships with friends or boyfriends or getting married or having kids or being a mom or not wanting any of those things or having issues with your chosen career...there was someone that everyone could relate to as being them at this age. I know that this is really long winded but it was an awesome book and since we are all turning 30 soon (for the most part) we can all relate
May 18, 2016
I was, at first, a bit put off when I realized the sample of women used here were actual writers, actors, artists, playwrights, etc. Where were the nurses, hair stylists, police women? The girl that bags your groceries or the woman that's a nanny to your kiddos?
I realized that those women could still be found within these writer/artist women. They are from a variety of ethnic and cultural backgrounds and bring their unique life experiences to the plate.
I found some stories cute, inspirational; others sad but all of them meaningful. Because they're true. As a woman in my 30s myself, I was hoping to read about others going through similar situations. While I didn't find my exact story in this book, I did find glimpses of myself in these ladies, every one of them.
A anthology worth looking through.
I realized that those women could still be found within these writer/artist women. They are from a variety of ethnic and cultural backgrounds and bring their unique life experiences to the plate.
I found some stories cute, inspirational; others sad but all of them meaningful. Because they're true. As a woman in my 30s myself, I was hoping to read about others going through similar situations. While I didn't find my exact story in this book, I did find glimpses of myself in these ladies, every one of them.
A anthology worth looking through.
June 20, 2014
So, some of the essays were okay, but I wanted more variety. Where are the bisexual girls? The polyamorists? The women whose individuality extended beyond delaying marriage and child-bearing? I mean, really - the spectrum of female experience presented here is so limited as to be insulting.
I also found the overall tone of the book a bit saccharine for my taste. Guess what? Not everyone ends up alright. Not everyone embraces life, with all it's flaws, and comes to terms with it. Where were those people? I get that it doesn't make for inspirational reading, but it's truth. And if you're offering a collection of personal essays, you need to include a wider swath of human experience.
Skip it.
I also found the overall tone of the book a bit saccharine for my taste. Guess what? Not everyone ends up alright. Not everyone embraces life, with all it's flaws, and comes to terms with it. Where were those people? I get that it doesn't make for inspirational reading, but it's truth. And if you're offering a collection of personal essays, you need to include a wider swath of human experience.
Skip it.
April 26, 2016
Like any essay collection, I did not LOVE every piece, but, overall, the collection is quite fantastic. I believe that anyone studying feminism or who is part of the intended audience of thirty-something-women would find caveats of wisdom and connection in this collection. There is at least one essay for any woman. The breadth of this collection is well thought out and curated by the editor. My favorite pieces came toward the end of the collection; my favorite being "Milk Dress: A Nursing Song."
There are several pieces within the collection that I could see using in my classroom either as works themselves or as reference materials for students researching specific subjects (eg the sex industry).
There are several pieces within the collection that I could see using in my classroom either as works themselves or as reference materials for students researching specific subjects (eg the sex industry).
January 29, 2008
I was complaining about turning 30 and who knows what else, when a collegue mentioned I check out this book, in addition to inviting me to a book discussion that evening. I didn't make the discussion, but I did go and buy the book the very next day, which is a compilation of very well written essays from various women about their personal experience with being in their 30's - past, present and future. I failed to realize my collegue had actually contributed to this book! What's funny is her story stood out particularly. It was only until I finished the book and read about the contributors, did I realize this. This is a great book for all! I loved it...
May 22, 2008
This was a nice collection of essays - I picked it up because it features several authors I enjoy. However, I think I was hoping for a more diverse group of viewpoints, but felt like this ended up being "I turned 30, had kids, they're the joy of my life. And I also manage to have a great writing career". I'd suggest it as a good book for a flight or at the beach, but it didn't really challenge or stay with me.
September 26, 2008
I know, I'm such a cliche. Buying all these books to try to gain some perspective on leaving my 20s. This book was really great though, and it included many of my favorite writers. I even got to hear from some of my favorite 90s rock stars like Tanya Donelly and be introduced to some great writers I never knew. Some stories were lame, but most were beautiful and came from a wide variety of perspectives and life experiences. I would definitely reccomend this one.
January 1, 2009
There were a few essays in here that I really liked, but overall they blurred together in rather unmemorable ways. I think I would have liked a memoir from any one of the writers better than the anthology - most of the essays felt somewhat reductive and less holistic than I would want, with too much attention being paid in many cases to the idea of your 30s than to the actual experiences. But then again, I'm in my early twenties, so maybe someday I'll feel differently.
June 11, 2008
This was given to me by my housemate already in her thirties. My response to the collection was, "wow, no matter decision anyone makes, they think that it is a singular decision and that they are alone." My friend in her forties skimmed it and said, "this book just proves that your own instinctual path is really the best one for you." Either way, it's a pretty good collection of essays.
June 14, 2008
For anyone standing on the brink of 30 (or making their way into that stage)...this collection of essays is a brilliant way to view the 30-something decade from varying points of view. I finished it at decided that far from dreading the end of this quarter-century mini-crisis that one generally has in their twenties, I'm quite looking forward to the big 3-0.
August 26, 2010
This could have been a celebration of women in their thirties. I was thinking all different flavors, but with a feeling of Anne Lamott. But I didn't find much to connect to in this book, either when I bought it several years ago or recently when I gave it another try. Some of the essays are not well-written, and it did not seem to celebrate life or femininity or anything much.
February 19, 2013
Some of the essays in this book made me laugh and made me feel less alone about fearing the scary number 30. However, some of the other essays made me see red. At least two of the essays in this book insinuate a woman is not complete until she has a child. What happened to live and let live, to celebrating EVERYONE'S life decisions?
May 21, 2011
As I am about to turn 31 this book resonated very much with me. So many stories about careers, love, friendship and motherhood, all of it I could relate to. I highly recommend this book of short stories.
August 22, 2007
Some great short stories about life...after the big 3-0.
November 29, 2007
Fun, smart essays.
November 3, 2008
I really enjoyed the honesty from the women in this book. Definitely a good read for women headed into their thirties. Entertaining as well as insightful.
April 2, 2008
Great collection of short stories dealing with the big 3-0 and everything that goes along with it.
June 26, 2008
A nice overview of the dilemmas women hit in their 30s: Who am I? What am I doing? Is this the right guy? The right job? The right time for babies? Well written and enjoyable.
August 13, 2008
A must read for any female writer...or wannabe writer. Also a must read for women transitioning from 20's to 30's. I found a lot of solace and insight from these women's stories.
March 22, 2009
Not sure I like this book it is a collection of essays written by woman as they turn 30. I will keep ready and see what I think at the end.
March 10, 2009
I really enjoyed this collection of essays by women. There's a wonderful mixture of everything in it.
December 15, 2009
Feminist lit anthology at it's best. Eff you, third-life crisis. LMAO
July 31, 2009
I LOVED this book. It's a collection of essays written by women from all different walks of life reflecting on how their lives changed from their 20's to their 30's and the lessons they learned.
Read
August 8, 2019Read for research. Turning 30 was never an issue for me, but I wanted to know why it was for some. Found it all rather fascinating.
May 15, 2010
What a cool collection of women's writings! Each essay is unique, and the perspectives presented by these women were thought-provoking as well as entertaining.
October 23, 2008
Really enjoyed it- different perspectives on life experiences in your 30's- recommend it!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews