Pionius, Life of Polycarp (unknown, 3rd Century AD)
It is the rare biography where one finds out that Jews were present at every fire in ancient times and claimed that their presence was the only way the fires could be extinguished (as a pretext for looting). Life of Polycarp is that rare biography. It also celebrates the monastic life not for the reasons of, say, purity, but because, Pionius tells us (with Biblical quotes to back him up), women are mindless, prattling things who can't focus on anything other than buying their next dress. (Which is kind of offensive if you're not a Sex and the City fan.) This is horrific stuff indeed. I do know that one can't think to apply the standards of modern biography (at least, “modern biography” in the days before Kitty Kelley, when objective reporting went the way of the great auk) to something written in the third century, but my god, this has every earmark of egregious writing there is. It's bloody awful. Polycarp has been spinning in his grave ever since. I hope the friction didn't set his coffin on fire, or if it did, I hopw he was buried next to a couple of Jews. ½