Dear Asshole: 101 Tear-Out Letters to the Morons Who Muck Up Your Life

by Jillian Madison, Michelle Madison

Ever wish you could leave a nasty note for that jerk in the Hummer who blocked you in, or the idiot who didn’t clean up after his dog? Now you can! Dear Asshole includes 101 letters to all of the assholes you encounter on a daily basis, each letter conveniently perforated so you can tear it out and give it to the desired offender. Whether it’s the asshole landlord, the asshole cheapskate, the asshole backseat driver, or the asshole with the Bluetooth, you will surely never leave home without this humorous and useful book ever again!

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Comedy

208 pages, Paperback

First published August 2, 2011

Reviews

[Kelly (and the Book Boar) · Rating 1 out of 5]

Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/



If there’s one thing every person on the planet has in common, it’s that we’ve all had to deal with an asshole at some point. When I saw this little beauty available on the clearance shelves at my local Half Price Books for a measly buck I snatched it right up. I mean I work for attorneys for Jeebus’ sake – I figured I could probably use at least 100 out of the 101 tear-out letters confronting a-holes about their a-holery. Unfortunately, things didn’t quite go as planned.

While the idea behind this book was great, the delivery left much to be desired. When writing a funny book, it always helps to be – ya know FUNNY. This book served as a reminder why so many people think women can’t be comedians. Rather than unleashing hilarious or snark-filled rants to assholes, the sense of entitlement and low blows about weight/money/fashion made it pretty clear they were written by the asshole.

I’m all for leaving a note to the “Dear Asshole Who Didn’t Flush the Toilet” (a/k/a my children), or the Dear Asshole Who Keeps Pushing the Snooze Button” (a/k/a my husband), as well as the “Dear Asshole Sports Fanatic” (a/k/a my husband and children), and I’m sure he’d be interested in leaving me a “Dear Asshole Backseat Driver” note in return. But when everything from someone having the nerve to sing along at a concert to a person who stole a pen is deserving of a bitchout????? Homegirls need to do one of two things. Either . . .



or . . .



Not to mention some of the bass-ackwardest rants. You do realize the person in front of you ordering 8 coffees is most likely an intern (a/k/a indentured servant) and would much prefer sitting in his/her cubicle playing Candy Crush instead of retrieving assorted half caffs and soy lattes, right? The person who actually deserves to get a note (or preferably a kick to the crotch) is this guy . . .



You should also realize that some graffiti “artists” (quotes on you) you rage about have been commissioned to beautify the urban core . . . .



And while most of us have been victims of a bad haircut or had our nasal passages nearly burned out by the person who wears too much body spray, if you are making notations about how much time someone spends “spam refreshing” your blog, YOU are most definitely the asshole – not them.

Oh, and another thing. You’re not allowed to complain about how unfair your ice cream shop experience was unless you are like me and when you get home this happens . . .



Can I write a Dear Asshole letter to my actual asshole??????

If you’re looking for a similar idea with a much better execution, give Passive Aggressive Notes: Painfully Polite and Hilariously Hostile Writings a try. And if you find yourself regularly annoyed by people who don’t know how to park, do what I did and have some of these printed out . . . .



It may save you from needing carpal tunnel surgery.

[Tasfia Hossain · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is just hilarious. Too bad I can't send these letters to anyone or else I'd probably receive a restraining order.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

SO funny!

[Scott Raymond · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quick, hilarious read.

[Jenn · Rating 5 out of 5]

hilarious

[Mekiva · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is hilarious!

[J. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amusing!

[Trishy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should read this book for a great laugh! Well said, well written, and worth every penny!

[Ginny · Rating 5 out of 5]

hilarious!! so worth my would-be study time.

[Jack Haringa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dear Assholes Who Wrote This Book,

I'm sure that you were the very paragons of wit in your sophomore year of high school, but sadly it seems your sense humor failed to develop past that stage. Just like many an over-praised 15-year-old, you've clung to those memories of making classmates laugh while the rest of the kids grew up and mastered higher levels of cleverness and repartee. Or at least a more advanced vocabulary.

To be sure, you've occasionally lucked into a good turn of phrase or witty analogy, but based on the overwhelming evidence these have really been just by chance. For the most part, your language is leaden and repetitive, and your assumed anger doesn't seem fueled by much breadth of experience or depth of passion. Instead, you clomp along with all the poetry, insight, and comedic timing of a public restroom wall. Ask someone to read you a little Oscar Wilde, H.L. Mencken, or P.J. O'Rourke (from his younger, funnier years). Or maybe just check Netflix for some Louis C.K. and Lewis Black.

They know from funny.

P.S. I hope you used part of your advance to buy a thesaurus.

[meghann · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was just great. I bought this as a gift for a friend, and I'm that asshole who reads the books before gifting them.



I have to admit, I've left a few scathing and borderline psychotic notes on cars of assholes who park so close to mine that I have to crawl through from the passenger side. This book would have come in handy. I didn't realize how many people drove me crazy until I found myself agreeing with each of the 101 scenarios.



My parents came for a visit, and we all laughed as I read them aloud. Yeah, we're weird like that. As soon as I finished this book, I thought of more of the people in my life that I need to buy it for.

Well done.

[Jules Sinclair · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book makes me laugh, over and over! I happened upon it one day in B&N and I'm glad I picked it up. I swear I could've written half of these letters! The book covers almost every type of moron out there. You will find a few you want to give to your coworkers, a few you want to give to your friends and a few you want to hand out to strangers. Uses for this book: Keep at work and reference for a good laugh on a slow Friday afternoon, Give to a friend you know appreciates this type of humor, or actually use the letters! Fun Times.

I bought five, and every friend loved it. Truly great!

[Lydia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Any book that gives me a good hour of looking like a freak because I'm sitting in a corner cackling and hooting is worth 5 stars to me. I almost peed my pants. BTW, I paid $10 for it, so I'm going to lend it to everyone I know so i can pretend I got my money's worth.

[Lance · Rating 5 out of 5]

Saweeeeeet!!!!

[Cathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was such fun! I loved it! "Hand written" tear-out notes to all the A-holes that frustrate us on a daily basis. I laughed out loud at nearly all of them and the others gave me big smiles - just a few of those to whom the letters of frustration are written: Dear Asshole Backseat Driver, Dear Asshole Who Stole My Parking Space, Dear Asshole Joined at the Hip Couple, Dear Asshole Graffiti "Artist", Dear Asshole Who Brought Seafood to Work, Dear Asshole at the Movie Theater - and the list goes on and on - 101 of them. I had to ration myself to only so many letters a day so I didn't just whip through the whole book all at once - I didn't want it to end.

[Vio · Rating 2 out of 5]

Formatul e simpatic, traducerea destul de ok, cartea nememorabilă. Mă gîndeam la 2,5*, am rotunjit în jos :) dintr-un motiv simplu: cine a scris textul de pe coperta 4 s-a gîndit că Jillian și Michelle sînt ”ei”, pentru că numai soțul și soția ar fi putut scrie împreună așa o carte, nu? Cred că tot acolo erau 15 linkuri (!) cu ce au mai făcut ”ei” și era tare, dar tare greu de văzut că Jillian nu este chiar așa de bărbat cum i s-o fi părut redactorului român (adică îmi imaginez că s-o fi gîndit că Michelle e domniță). Bun. Moving on.

[Liv Gillies · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this book for the humor category of my reading challenge. There were several letters that were actually quite funny but generally speaking, the idea of the letter was funnier than the contents. They often referenced things that people just wouldn’t say, things that were oddly descriptive in a weird way. I did get a few laughs so it checked the box for humor.

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love this book. It's important to realize what it is, I think, and that's pretty much that it's a bathroom book. It's not something I'd sit and read straight through, but it's perfect for short bursts of reading. Each letter is about 3 paragraphs, and all are funny. Guaranteed that you know at least one of the assholes portrayed in this book ;-)

[Wayne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the funniest book that I have ever read! Hands down, one of the smartest, funniest and altogether supremely well written books in my humor collection. I laughed my ass off from start to finish. The best thing about this book was that every single letter in it could have very well been written by me at some point in my life. OUTSTANDING!!!

[Asma · Rating 1 out of 5]

Neither funny nor passionate. In most of the letters, I found myself thinking of the letter-writer as the real asshole.

Side note: This book reminded me of how much I hate whining, childish, self-centered brats.
Not to self: Don't be one of them.

[SheLove2Read · Rating 1 out of 5]

It helps if a book meant for humor is actually funny. Good idea for a book, shitty presentation.

P.s. this was a well meant gift. I hate that the giver spent good money on this. It's the thought that counts and I appreciated the sentiment.

[Randy · Rating 5 out of 5]

FUNNY A.F! Nuff said!

[Susan Molloy · Rating 3 out of 5]

🖋️I received this as a gift from a lady at work who sells Mary Kay products, and oh! how wrong it was for my beliefs and personality. Unfortunately, she did not know me well enough to know that I abhor vulgar language, and that I have a non-compliance of outright nastiness—even towards the rude people in my life. I follow my religion and beliefs, and this book is a bad road. This is not a funny book at all. It is mean, rude, and basely nasty. It was not for me. I threw it out.
✿✿●✿✿✿✿●✿✿✿✿●✿✿✿✿●✿✿✿✿●✿✿

[ACO702 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious read that I have found works perfect as a white elephant gift, coffee table book, and stocking stuffer for even the hardest to please. I bought multiple copies, one to use, and one to read. At work: I posted the one up about the people cooking seafood at work in the kitchen there, and it was a hit. Everyone I gift this book to loves it, and it's been a staple for me every holiday season. From my daughter in college to my wife, there is something for everyone in here.

[Stephanie Bortmas · Rating 1 out of 5]

Someone gave this book to me...not as a gift but because she didn't want it either! These Dear Asshole letters are simply not funny, witty or clever in any way. They are actually kind of mean spirited and the authors come across as petty and completely self centered. Dark humor, crass humor, boundary pushing humor, I like it all. But this isn't any of those. If anyone is an asshole, it's these two girls!

[Candy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very humorous and a perfect book for those who are frustrated but are too polite to say anything. Some letters weren't funny but overall I enjoyed reading this book. Word of caution though - don't read the letter to the Hair Stylist while sitting in your hairstylist chair getting your hair done. Ouch!! 😂

[Apzmarshl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Crud....I'm kicking myself for not thinking of this first.
Totally hilarious idea! Rip out letters to all the a- holes you might cross paths with. I laughed at some but found myself feeling like they missed the mark on others. The book was a great idea though.

[Btownpaul · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny book, I feel like they were speaking for me with most of these letters. I ended up buying multiple copies, one to rip out letters and leave them around work, and one just to keep to read.

Truly witty and fun! Buy it for laughs, buy it again to hand it out.

[Stacy · Rating 4 out of 5]

so mad that i didnt think of this first . . . .

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was given to me as a gift.

There are some letters that I can definitely put to use.

It really does cover a wide spectrum of Assholes that we all encounter in our every day lives.