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Better by Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong
A New York Times columnist delivers an eye-opening big Embracing mistakes can make us smarter, healthier, and happier in every facet of our lives.
In this persuasive book, journalist Alina Tugend examines the delicate tension between what we're told-we must make mistakes in order to learn-and the reality-we often get punished for making mistakes, and therefore try to avoid them or cover them up. In Better by Mistake, Tugend shows that mistakes are everywhere, and suggests that when we acknowledge and identify them correctly, we can improve not only ourselves, but our families, our work, and the world around us.
Through fascinating research, Tugend reveals how trying to avoid mistakes can affect us from the earliest stages in our lives and shape us into adults who steer clear of risks and challenges. She takes us behind the scenes into cutting-edge behavioral studies; invites us into the high-stakes world of health care and aviation, where mistakes can cost lives, and delves into the art and science behind learning how to craft a sincere apology and accepting responsibility for mistakes.
Bold and dynamic, insightful and provocative, Better by Mistake turns our cultural wisdom on its head to illustrate the downside of striving for perfection, and the rewards of acknowledging mistakes and embracing the imperfection in all of us.
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In this persuasive book, journalist Alina Tugend examines the delicate tension between what we're told-we must make mistakes in order to learn-and the reality-we often get punished for making mistakes, and therefore try to avoid them or cover them up. In Better by Mistake, Tugend shows that mistakes are everywhere, and suggests that when we acknowledge and identify them correctly, we can improve not only ourselves, but our families, our work, and the world around us.
Through fascinating research, Tugend reveals how trying to avoid mistakes can affect us from the earliest stages in our lives and shape us into adults who steer clear of risks and challenges. She takes us behind the scenes into cutting-edge behavioral studies; invites us into the high-stakes world of health care and aviation, where mistakes can cost lives, and delves into the art and science behind learning how to craft a sincere apology and accepting responsibility for mistakes.
Bold and dynamic, insightful and provocative, Better by Mistake turns our cultural wisdom on its head to illustrate the downside of striving for perfection, and the rewards of acknowledging mistakes and embracing the imperfection in all of us.
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304 pages, Hardcover
First published March 1, 2011
40 people are currently reading
810 people want to read
About the author
Alina Tugend
2 books8 followersI went to college at U.C. Berkeley and after graduation moved to the East Coast to pursue journalism. I was a reporter on various newspapers (taking a year out to do a Fellowship in Law for Journalists at Yale University), primarily covering educational and environmental issues.
Then my husband and I moved to London. I continued freelancing and working for a non-profit while having two sons. We moved to New York in 2000. I continued freelancing for newspapers and magazines, and began writing my biweekly ShortCuts column for the New York Times business section in 2005. My book grew out of a column I wrote on the subject of mistakes.
I have also been the parenting columnist for Worth magazine for the past two years.
Then my husband and I moved to London. I continued freelancing and working for a non-profit while having two sons. We moved to New York in 2000. I continued freelancing for newspapers and magazines, and began writing my biweekly ShortCuts column for the New York Times business section in 2005. My book grew out of a column I wrote on the subject of mistakes.
I have also been the parenting columnist for Worth magazine for the past two years.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews
December 9, 2012
After enjoying the 2010 book "Being Wrong" by Kathryn Schulz this spring, I have subsequently read two other books on mistakes and error, "Why We Make Mistakes" (2009) by Joseph T. Hallinan and Alina Tugend's "Better By Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong," published in 2011.
Schulz's book I think is the best, in that it is wider ranging, more philosophical, and focuses on beliefs, the genesis of our mistakes. However, Hallinan's and Tugend's books are worthwhile even if they overlap a bit with each other's books and Schulz's.
"Better By Mistake" looks at how children learn from making mistakes and how parents react to these mistakes. She writes that how children view their talents and the ability to improve them through hard work has a lot to do with how they act after they've made mistakes. If children believe that success is the result of fixed innate talents, they are likely to give up after making errors.
Resiliency is important for children -- and adults. "The truth is, children (and, indeed, all of us) need to succeed at some things but not at everything. And that is why, while they shouldn't fail all the time, they must fail sometimes."
She also looks at mistakes and efforts to reduce them in the workplace, in medicine, and aviation. In a later chapter, she postulates that men and women are socialized to react differently to making mistakes.
The last chapter looks at apologies, when we should make them and how. She notes that many "apologies" are anything but. "A proper apology has three elements: an acknowledgment of the fault or offense, regret for it, and responsibility for it -- and, if possible, a way to fix the problem."
Her final two sentences are something we should all ponder: "But if we can all forgive ours and others' errors more often, if we can acknowledge that perfection is a myth and that human beings screw up on a regular basis -- and we can either simply feel bad about it and find someone to accuse or learn from it -- then we are on the right track. Make no mistake about it."
Schulz's book I think is the best, in that it is wider ranging, more philosophical, and focuses on beliefs, the genesis of our mistakes. However, Hallinan's and Tugend's books are worthwhile even if they overlap a bit with each other's books and Schulz's.
"Better By Mistake" looks at how children learn from making mistakes and how parents react to these mistakes. She writes that how children view their talents and the ability to improve them through hard work has a lot to do with how they act after they've made mistakes. If children believe that success is the result of fixed innate talents, they are likely to give up after making errors.
Resiliency is important for children -- and adults. "The truth is, children (and, indeed, all of us) need to succeed at some things but not at everything. And that is why, while they shouldn't fail all the time, they must fail sometimes."
She also looks at mistakes and efforts to reduce them in the workplace, in medicine, and aviation. In a later chapter, she postulates that men and women are socialized to react differently to making mistakes.
The last chapter looks at apologies, when we should make them and how. She notes that many "apologies" are anything but. "A proper apology has three elements: an acknowledgment of the fault or offense, regret for it, and responsibility for it -- and, if possible, a way to fix the problem."
Her final two sentences are something we should all ponder: "But if we can all forgive ours and others' errors more often, if we can acknowledge that perfection is a myth and that human beings screw up on a regular basis -- and we can either simply feel bad about it and find someone to accuse or learn from it -- then we are on the right track. Make no mistake about it."
September 16, 2011
Is it a good sign or a bad sign when the author references mostly books that I've already read? On one hand, it's bad because it indicates that maybe this sub-genre (popular science) is panned out for me. On the other hand, the fact that it still managed to get me to read to the end is a testament to Turgend's writing abilities.
Better by Mistake is about exactly what you think it's about. It's about how people make mistakes (the factors that lead up to them) and how both external and internal factors influence whether or not they choose to admit them. She also touches on apologies, and whether they work or not, based on when they're given, how they are given, and whether they are backed up with policy change.
I can't say that this information is really directly applicable to anyone except the leader of a company. Aviation and medicine have already delved into this subject, and if you're not in a position of authority over others, you can't do much about whether your work culture encourages honest admittance of mistakes, or punishes mistakes so much that you're better off denying and deflecting.
Still, the book is well organized, and has a decent ratio of facts to anecdotes. If you haven't read much in pop science/pop sociology/pop psychology, this wouldn't be a bad place to start. If you've already devoured anything written by anyone within five degrees of separation between them and Malcolm Gladwell, this might feel a bit overdone.
Better by Mistake is about exactly what you think it's about. It's about how people make mistakes (the factors that lead up to them) and how both external and internal factors influence whether or not they choose to admit them. She also touches on apologies, and whether they work or not, based on when they're given, how they are given, and whether they are backed up with policy change.
I can't say that this information is really directly applicable to anyone except the leader of a company. Aviation and medicine have already delved into this subject, and if you're not in a position of authority over others, you can't do much about whether your work culture encourages honest admittance of mistakes, or punishes mistakes so much that you're better off denying and deflecting.
Still, the book is well organized, and has a decent ratio of facts to anecdotes. If you haven't read much in pop science/pop sociology/pop psychology, this wouldn't be a bad place to start. If you've already devoured anything written by anyone within five degrees of separation between them and Malcolm Gladwell, this might feel a bit overdone.
October 22, 2012
**Skipping this book would be a mistake!**
If to err is human, then why do we have such difficulties in accepting our own—and others’—mistakes?
That’s exactly the question that journalist Alina Tugend tackles in this unmistakingly (Ha! Spellcheck thinks that word is a mistake!) worthwhile book. She seeks to:
“explore the tension between the fact we’re taught when young that we learn from mistakes, but the reality is that most of us hate and dread them…to find out what creates that tension, and how we can return to and internalize the lesson from kindergarten—that mistakes help us because we learn from them.” (p. 248)
A look at the table of contents shows the map of her mistake-exploring quest:
Chapter 1: (Mis)Understanding and (Re) Defining Mistakes—What is a mistake?
Chapter 2: It Starts Early—How our children learn from blunders
Chapter 3: “Fail Often, Fast, and Cheap”—Mistakes in the workplace
Chapter 4: It’s Not Brain Surgery…But What If It Is?—Learning from medicine
Chapter 5:Lessons from the Cockpit—Aviation’s approach to errors
Chapter 6: Blaming You, Blaming Me—Men, Women, and Mistakes
Chapter 7: You Say Mistake, I Say Lesson—Different Cultures, Different Approaches
Chapter 8: I Want to Apologize—Saying “I’m sorry”
Making the shift from having a fearful vs. accepting view of mistakes entails “delving deeply into why and how we react to errors, [so] we can learn to acknowledge mistakes without foisting the blame onto others or beating ourselves up.” (p. 6) The essential steps to making this shift include: redefining our view of mistakes, emphasizing effort and deemphasizing results, moving from scapegoating the individual’s blatant errors to correcting the system’s latent ones, taking personal accountability for our own mistakes and using them as opportunities for improvement and growth, favoring non-judgmental error exploration over superficial hindsight bias, communicating clearly (which requires creating environments where open and honest communication is nurtured and encouraged), effectively employing observation and feedback, understanding different gender and cultural attitudes and perspectives towards mistakes, and being the kind of people who can recognize mistakes and genuinely—and appropriately—apologize and accept an apology when mistakes are made.
As the author so perfectly (although imperfections would have been welcomed) summarizes:
“If we can all forgive ours and others’ errors more often, if we can acknowledge that perfection is a myth and that human beings screw up on a regular basis—and we can either simply feel bad about it and find someone to accuse or to learn from it—then we are on the right track. Make no mistake about it.” (p. 252)
The only mistake you can make with this book is not reading it!
If to err is human, then why do we have such difficulties in accepting our own—and others’—mistakes?
That’s exactly the question that journalist Alina Tugend tackles in this unmistakingly (Ha! Spellcheck thinks that word is a mistake!) worthwhile book. She seeks to:
“explore the tension between the fact we’re taught when young that we learn from mistakes, but the reality is that most of us hate and dread them…to find out what creates that tension, and how we can return to and internalize the lesson from kindergarten—that mistakes help us because we learn from them.” (p. 248)
A look at the table of contents shows the map of her mistake-exploring quest:
Chapter 1: (Mis)Understanding and (Re) Defining Mistakes—What is a mistake?
Chapter 2: It Starts Early—How our children learn from blunders
Chapter 3: “Fail Often, Fast, and Cheap”—Mistakes in the workplace
Chapter 4: It’s Not Brain Surgery…But What If It Is?—Learning from medicine
Chapter 5:Lessons from the Cockpit—Aviation’s approach to errors
Chapter 6: Blaming You, Blaming Me—Men, Women, and Mistakes
Chapter 7: You Say Mistake, I Say Lesson—Different Cultures, Different Approaches
Chapter 8: I Want to Apologize—Saying “I’m sorry”
Making the shift from having a fearful vs. accepting view of mistakes entails “delving deeply into why and how we react to errors, [so] we can learn to acknowledge mistakes without foisting the blame onto others or beating ourselves up.” (p. 6) The essential steps to making this shift include: redefining our view of mistakes, emphasizing effort and deemphasizing results, moving from scapegoating the individual’s blatant errors to correcting the system’s latent ones, taking personal accountability for our own mistakes and using them as opportunities for improvement and growth, favoring non-judgmental error exploration over superficial hindsight bias, communicating clearly (which requires creating environments where open and honest communication is nurtured and encouraged), effectively employing observation and feedback, understanding different gender and cultural attitudes and perspectives towards mistakes, and being the kind of people who can recognize mistakes and genuinely—and appropriately—apologize and accept an apology when mistakes are made.
As the author so perfectly (although imperfections would have been welcomed) summarizes:
“If we can all forgive ours and others’ errors more often, if we can acknowledge that perfection is a myth and that human beings screw up on a regular basis—and we can either simply feel bad about it and find someone to accuse or to learn from it—then we are on the right track. Make no mistake about it.” (p. 252)
The only mistake you can make with this book is not reading it!
September 19, 2013
So glad I found this book, as much of it addresses why we'd rather appear as though we make no mistakes, than as someone who learns from them.
Aggregate research journalist, Alina Tugend's laid back, conversational approach to explaining studies, experiments, and academia, is friendly. Frankly, referencing episodes of The Simpsons in explaining studies conducted by those in the psychiatric field, make it easier for me understand and learn.
And I'm finding plenty of enlightening and easily digestible truths I've seen play out in life, but never previously comprehended in words. From chapter six, here's an example of how criticism can differ between sexes: "... when boys are chastised, it is often for behavior, or for lack of effort such as, 'If you tried harder, you could have done better.' Girls on the other hand, tend to be criticized for their performance, such as, 'I'm afraid you didn't do well on the math test.' What's missing is a vote of confidence, the attribution to effort, the suggestion that girls have the brainpower and can do it if they tried a little more."
There's a lot to absorb here, but again, I found it easily digestible enough that the idea of re-reading sometime in the future seems appealing to me. I would definitely consider this an enlightening and helpful book, but I don't think there's any question about its subject being an acquired taste.
Aggregate research journalist, Alina Tugend's laid back, conversational approach to explaining studies, experiments, and academia, is friendly. Frankly, referencing episodes of The Simpsons in explaining studies conducted by those in the psychiatric field, make it easier for me understand and learn.
And I'm finding plenty of enlightening and easily digestible truths I've seen play out in life, but never previously comprehended in words. From chapter six, here's an example of how criticism can differ between sexes: "... when boys are chastised, it is often for behavior, or for lack of effort such as, 'If you tried harder, you could have done better.' Girls on the other hand, tend to be criticized for their performance, such as, 'I'm afraid you didn't do well on the math test.' What's missing is a vote of confidence, the attribution to effort, the suggestion that girls have the brainpower and can do it if they tried a little more."
There's a lot to absorb here, but again, I found it easily digestible enough that the idea of re-reading sometime in the future seems appealing to me. I would definitely consider this an enlightening and helpful book, but I don't think there's any question about its subject being an acquired taste.
March 25, 2011
This book looked intriguing. I even sampled the first chapter on my kindle and was still interested. However, as the book progressed, it became pretty ho-hum. I had hoped for more.
May 5, 2025
Better by Mistake is an interesting book about learning from our mistakes that consists of eight chapters. I learned from them all, but I enjoyed some more than others. Alina Tugend has published in the New York Times and this book tended to follow the style of a journalist with ample examples to support each idea. She references a lot of other authors from whom I enjoyed learning such as Carol Dweck, Malcolm Gladstone, and Daniel Pink. I especially enjoyed her correlation to learning from mistakes to the growth and fixed mindsets Dweck explains in her work. I dog earred and read out loud the sentence on page 88 which explained, “How a company deals with mistakes suggests how well it will bring out the best ideas and talents if its people.” I also underlined how important it is to “emphasize effort and deemphasize results.” On page 248 because mistakes can lead us to some of our greatest lessons.
Chapters seven and eight were my favorite because they seemed to be the most relevant to me. The first deals with how culture impacts the roles of mistakes and how individuals respond to them. Not surprisingly, Americans tend to link error making to self-esteem. Other cultures, such as the Japanese, see them as a way to grow. One Dutch psychologist, Geert Hofstede, identified what he called five dimensions for comparing cultures. These include: power-distance index, individualism versus collectivism, masculinity versus femininity, uncertainty avoidance, and long-term orientation versus short-term. Each impacts how errors are viewed and how individuals are conditioned to respond to them. In chapter eight, “I Want to Apologize”, Tugend ties all of her ideas and examples together by explaining a good apology must be sincere and include acknowledging the mistake, accepting responsibility, and offering a solution . She explained how Tylenol did this correctly in 1982, and Toyota did not in 2009.
Personally, I have learned that mistakes are a part of life. It was good to read this in a book. I now agree with Tugend that “Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose (p. 99).” I will make mistakes, and as this book teaches, I should learn from them and continue to grow. And, if necessary, I should apologize, but not over apologize, because life is a journey and no one completes it perfectly.
Chapters seven and eight were my favorite because they seemed to be the most relevant to me. The first deals with how culture impacts the roles of mistakes and how individuals respond to them. Not surprisingly, Americans tend to link error making to self-esteem. Other cultures, such as the Japanese, see them as a way to grow. One Dutch psychologist, Geert Hofstede, identified what he called five dimensions for comparing cultures. These include: power-distance index, individualism versus collectivism, masculinity versus femininity, uncertainty avoidance, and long-term orientation versus short-term. Each impacts how errors are viewed and how individuals are conditioned to respond to them. In chapter eight, “I Want to Apologize”, Tugend ties all of her ideas and examples together by explaining a good apology must be sincere and include acknowledging the mistake, accepting responsibility, and offering a solution . She explained how Tylenol did this correctly in 1982, and Toyota did not in 2009.
Personally, I have learned that mistakes are a part of life. It was good to read this in a book. I now agree with Tugend that “Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose (p. 99).” I will make mistakes, and as this book teaches, I should learn from them and continue to grow. And, if necessary, I should apologize, but not over apologize, because life is a journey and no one completes it perfectly.
July 15, 2020
Mistakes, and who doesn’t make them. A sound topic for a book, and Alina Tugend does well to address it. Abundant with self-reflection and examples of famous technical mistakes in various professions, the author does well to help the reader deal with mistakes better and utilize them for future success. Or rather, the author goes to great length to illustrate how one ought to view mistakes in the right framework and use them to bounce back stronger. Some parts of the book were more interesting than others, with ebbs and flows, the book makes for an interesting read overall.
So, what is a mistake? The author first asks. Contrary to a slip where the action does not go according to plan, a mistake is when the plan itself is inadequate. Next, the author deals with the topic of perfectionism and how mistakes could be beneficial or harmful. Have adaptive perfectionism – do certain things in the right way, but can adapt if things don’t go to plan – and mistakes could be helpful. On the other hand, have maladaptive perfectionism – the need to be the best at everything – and mistakes could be hell and discouraging. Also, the author addresses an important mentality shift the we ought to at least consider. Striving for excellence and striving for perfection are two different things. We should always aim for the former as those who aim for the latter are motivated by the fear of failure, not a good thing to be motivated by.
Our views towards mistakes start early. How come? A story about American and Japanese school children shows how our education system can help instill the right attitude in our children. While in Japan, a school teacher might allow children to make mistakes in class and discover them themselves. In America, its quite different where a teacher might immediately interrupt a student who does a mistake to show them the right way without the benefit of noticing their own mistake and how to correct it. The American case creates a belief that success and failure are based on innate ability, while the Japanese case makes children believe that with hard work anything is possible. A pure example of a fixed mindset versus a growth mindset. “If mistakes are seen as basis for learning, then self-esteem and resilience will thrive…if they feel trapped by their mistakes, their self-worth and confidence will diminish,” the author writes beautifully.
A discussion about mistakes in the workplace soon ensues and how corporations can establish a systematic approach to correcting errors. Mistakes in the medical and aerospace professions were also discussed. A simple thing as a to-do-list can help medical professionals avoid deadly mistakes which could end up saving lives. Also, a discussion of how men and women, in general, deal with mistakes was also given. The author goes to say that perhaps because men, on average, don’t see mistakes in a personal way as women often do, is the reason why some men get ahead in the workplace.
A book about mistakes would not be complete without a mention on apologies. That was addressed in chapter 8 of the book. Instead of just expressing regret when apologizing, one should attempt to communicate a true feeling of regret to the affected side. Also, one should diligently apologize for minor slips so that anger doesn’t brew, as it is often a combination of smaller mistakes that lead to a larger rift.
The title of the book appealed to me as I was looking through a number of books on sale. Better by Mistake stood there asking for me to pick it up. Immediately, scenes of me neglecting initiatives just because I am worried that I will make a mistake here and there flashed by my mind. The book seemed to remedy that, and there I was leaving the shop with a new a book to read. Not necessarily a panacea for dreading mistakes, the book goes beyond the average folk on the topic. Buy it, and practice what the book preaches, and you could view mistakes in a different light.
So, what is a mistake? The author first asks. Contrary to a slip where the action does not go according to plan, a mistake is when the plan itself is inadequate. Next, the author deals with the topic of perfectionism and how mistakes could be beneficial or harmful. Have adaptive perfectionism – do certain things in the right way, but can adapt if things don’t go to plan – and mistakes could be helpful. On the other hand, have maladaptive perfectionism – the need to be the best at everything – and mistakes could be hell and discouraging. Also, the author addresses an important mentality shift the we ought to at least consider. Striving for excellence and striving for perfection are two different things. We should always aim for the former as those who aim for the latter are motivated by the fear of failure, not a good thing to be motivated by.
Our views towards mistakes start early. How come? A story about American and Japanese school children shows how our education system can help instill the right attitude in our children. While in Japan, a school teacher might allow children to make mistakes in class and discover them themselves. In America, its quite different where a teacher might immediately interrupt a student who does a mistake to show them the right way without the benefit of noticing their own mistake and how to correct it. The American case creates a belief that success and failure are based on innate ability, while the Japanese case makes children believe that with hard work anything is possible. A pure example of a fixed mindset versus a growth mindset. “If mistakes are seen as basis for learning, then self-esteem and resilience will thrive…if they feel trapped by their mistakes, their self-worth and confidence will diminish,” the author writes beautifully.
A discussion about mistakes in the workplace soon ensues and how corporations can establish a systematic approach to correcting errors. Mistakes in the medical and aerospace professions were also discussed. A simple thing as a to-do-list can help medical professionals avoid deadly mistakes which could end up saving lives. Also, a discussion of how men and women, in general, deal with mistakes was also given. The author goes to say that perhaps because men, on average, don’t see mistakes in a personal way as women often do, is the reason why some men get ahead in the workplace.
A book about mistakes would not be complete without a mention on apologies. That was addressed in chapter 8 of the book. Instead of just expressing regret when apologizing, one should attempt to communicate a true feeling of regret to the affected side. Also, one should diligently apologize for minor slips so that anger doesn’t brew, as it is often a combination of smaller mistakes that lead to a larger rift.
The title of the book appealed to me as I was looking through a number of books on sale. Better by Mistake stood there asking for me to pick it up. Immediately, scenes of me neglecting initiatives just because I am worried that I will make a mistake here and there flashed by my mind. The book seemed to remedy that, and there I was leaving the shop with a new a book to read. Not necessarily a panacea for dreading mistakes, the book goes beyond the average folk on the topic. Buy it, and practice what the book preaches, and you could view mistakes in a different light.
November 27, 2020
It shows how to use mistakes to your advantage by learning new things through them. The author mentioned several stories about people who face making mistakes and how they act to them. I liked many thoughts mentioned in the book in terms of allowing myself to make mistakes, and not do a mistake could mean not learn anything new! The difference between minor and major mistakes where the major mistakes can make dangerous results like aircraft accidents.
Also, making mistakes is not the end of the world, so take advantage of these mistakes to learn and make yourself stronger than before!
Also, making mistakes is not the end of the world, so take advantage of these mistakes to learn and make yourself stronger than before!
February 26, 2020
I don't know if it was the book itself or if I was just less interested in this topic than I thought I was or if I'd read too much already to really find a lot of the material novel, but I had trouble finishing this. It just seemed to go on and on, with nothing to break it up but the chapter breaks (some headings probably would have helped). The writing didn't really grab me. A solid "meh".
May 10, 2018
Great title. Important concept. Okay book. Reads like an article a journalist spun out into a book--because that's what it is. Surveys many interesting ideas. Does not achieve Gladwellian status. Definitely worthwhile for us all to think about how we handle mistakes.
January 29, 2020
3.5 stars if I’m being honest. Some very good nuggets in here and generally agree with the authors philosophy, but was too detailed for me (esp since I had already read The checklist manifesto- I would recommend this book over TCM)
October 28, 2024
There was some interesting stuff, byt the majority if the book was just so much ad nauseum. Like the original idea mught have value, but doesn’t merit a whole chapter.
Reads more like a thesis than an interesting book.
Reads more like a thesis than an interesting book.
March 15, 2025
Good nuggets. I did like the book especially parts on education. Interesting and well done. If time were you just needed a quick summary, it is easily the best conclusion of any book. I’ve read recently as she did a great job really summarizing all the salient points.
February 10, 2021
I think this is a solid introductory book on studies into mistakes and how to deal with them.
February 7, 2022
Very important idea. Took me a year to finish it, lots of smart-ass language. The main thing that I took out of it is the difference between fixed and growth mindset.
Read
September 2, 2022dnf, was interesting but not too compelling
May 18, 2012
We've all heard the advice to learn from our mistakes and we've probably all paid lip service to the idea that mistakes are “learning experiences” rather than “failures”, but do we really believe it? In the beginning of Better By Mistake, Ms. Tugend explains that “In writing this book, I often emphasize the 'good' part of mistakes. That doesn't necessarily mean that the mistakes themselves are good, but their aftermath—tracing back why we made them and what we learned from them—can be very helpful in avoiding mistakes in the future.” Of course, getting any benefit from our errors means we must be willing to acknowledge them, and study them in order to learn from them and improve. “While success may be a bad teacher, failure isn't a very good one either if we don't recognize the lessons being taught.” So why do we sometimes stress the appearance of perfection so much? Or expend so much energy justifying bad decisions? “If we spent half that much energy owning up to our responsibilities rather than hiding from them, we might actually get things done much more effectively and with a great deal less angst.” Ms. Tugend delves into the psychological reasons behind perfectionism and the serious disadvantages to “maladaptive perfectionists” who are unwilling to try new things out of fear of failure.
Ms. Tugend points out that this is particularly evident in our society's work environment. “Most companies—like most people—don't see themselves as promoting a work environment where mistakes are feared and avoided. They say they encourage risk taking and innovation, but in reality, they don't.” She goes on: “All too often, mistakes are treated as something shameful that should be flung aside as quickly as possible, rather than as something to be examined and learned from. And because of this, companies—and employees—fail to uncover systemic problems that may be leading to the errors.” It's difficult to create an environment that truly encourages creativity and innovation – both qualities that will require individuals to try new things and make some errors along the way – if mistakes are frowned upon or punished.
Another benefit of making mistakes is learning about differences. “When we're small children, we tend to think that how we live is how everyone lives...When we discover these differences, we have to slightly rearrange our way of thinking—not everybody is like us.” This can help us learn to accept not only the different ways of life but to accept our own mistakes by viewing them as other cultures view them. For example, “the Japanese emphasis on effort...can remind us that making mistakes while trying something new is to be commended, not disparaged, and...we shouldn't revere results while diminishing the value of the process.” Results-oriented cultures, such as in many Western countries, are generally much less tolerant of mistakes than process-oriented societies.
Since we were little, we've been taught that if you make a mistake that hurts another person, you should say sorry, so Ms. Tugend also addresses the art of the apology. Occasional double-speak, non-apologetic apologies by politicians, celebrities or other public figures aside, “A proper apology has three elements: an acknowledgment of the fault or offense, regret for it, and responsibility for it—and, if possible, a way to fix the problem.” Justifications or excuses only weaken a sincere apology.
Ms. Tugend encourages a simple shift in how we handle mistakes, starting with young children: “Emphasize effort and deemphasize results.” In addition, we should strive for “clear communication” in all our interactions, including observation and feedback, and to be wary of the assumptions we make. If you'd like to learn more about leveraging your mistakes into improvements – which hopefully, most of us would – Better By Mistake is an excellent step toward that end.
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Ms. Tugend points out that this is particularly evident in our society's work environment. “Most companies—like most people—don't see themselves as promoting a work environment where mistakes are feared and avoided. They say they encourage risk taking and innovation, but in reality, they don't.” She goes on: “All too often, mistakes are treated as something shameful that should be flung aside as quickly as possible, rather than as something to be examined and learned from. And because of this, companies—and employees—fail to uncover systemic problems that may be leading to the errors.” It's difficult to create an environment that truly encourages creativity and innovation – both qualities that will require individuals to try new things and make some errors along the way – if mistakes are frowned upon or punished.
Another benefit of making mistakes is learning about differences. “When we're small children, we tend to think that how we live is how everyone lives...When we discover these differences, we have to slightly rearrange our way of thinking—not everybody is like us.” This can help us learn to accept not only the different ways of life but to accept our own mistakes by viewing them as other cultures view them. For example, “the Japanese emphasis on effort...can remind us that making mistakes while trying something new is to be commended, not disparaged, and...we shouldn't revere results while diminishing the value of the process.” Results-oriented cultures, such as in many Western countries, are generally much less tolerant of mistakes than process-oriented societies.
Since we were little, we've been taught that if you make a mistake that hurts another person, you should say sorry, so Ms. Tugend also addresses the art of the apology. Occasional double-speak, non-apologetic apologies by politicians, celebrities or other public figures aside, “A proper apology has three elements: an acknowledgment of the fault or offense, regret for it, and responsibility for it—and, if possible, a way to fix the problem.” Justifications or excuses only weaken a sincere apology.
Ms. Tugend encourages a simple shift in how we handle mistakes, starting with young children: “Emphasize effort and deemphasize results.” In addition, we should strive for “clear communication” in all our interactions, including observation and feedback, and to be wary of the assumptions we make. If you'd like to learn more about leveraging your mistakes into improvements – which hopefully, most of us would – Better By Mistake is an excellent step toward that end.
For more book reviews, come visit my blog, Build Enough Bookshelves.
September 21, 2011
“Better by Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong” by Alina Tugend is a non-fiction book which tries to explain how dealing with mistakes can benefit you and your work. While this book might be categorized as self-help, I found it to be more than that and thought provoking as well.
Journalist Alina Tugend examines what it means to make mistakes, how we pay for it and the hypocritical nature of our society when it comes to learning from them.
While “Better by Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong” by Alina Tugend might be categorized as a self help book, I found it to be more of a business book or social commentary than the self help kind.
Ms. Tugend focuses on the hypocritical nature of our society when it comes to the subject at hand and how one is able to overcome the ingrained philosophy which we were taught. I found it very refreshing to take an honest look into our society where we are told to learn from our mistakes, yet get penalized and punished when we make them.
It was inspirational to read, an honest look about the cover-your-ass (CYA) culture we have become. How people spend more energy deflecting mistakes, cover them or avoid them instead of owning up, apologizing and learning something out of their faux pas. You can open up any paper on almost any given day and see how the political class in this country is bungling its way through avoidance and deflection, usually making a mockery out of themselves, the system and the people they are suppose to represent.
The author gives an overview of how successful individuals, or more likely industries, handle mistakes. From hospitals, airlines, schools and other industries handling mistakes does not necessarily invokes immediate punishment and after all, not all mistakes are equal.
I read this book after taking a week long CMMI course which is meant to teach one how to find mistakes at the initial phases of a project and learn from them. While I certainly recognize the importance of establishing a standard operating procedure (SOP), I also recognize the love affair many managers have with checklists. This love affair is so prevalent that in many cases the checklist becomes the project regardless of the product it supposes to produce.
The other issue I had in the back of my mind read is that while industries can make all the lists they want but if they ignore data than all their checklists are useless. For example, airlines consider being “on time” if the airplane leaves the gate on time even if it's just a few feet – but it doesn’t matter if the passengers wait on the tarmac for three hours; or hospitals don’t check incoming patients for MRSA virus because they simply don’t want to know if you got it at their hospital.
MRSA virus is a hospital virus and could be lethal!
I did enjoy reading this book, it is thought provoking and the studies the author quotes are interesting and present a point which goes well with the book’s theme. Better yet, I felt as if I learned something which could be practical not only for me, but for my family as well.
For more reviews and bookish thoughts please visit: http://www.ManOfLaBook.com
Journalist Alina Tugend examines what it means to make mistakes, how we pay for it and the hypocritical nature of our society when it comes to learning from them.
While “Better by Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong” by Alina Tugend might be categorized as a self help book, I found it to be more of a business book or social commentary than the self help kind.
Ms. Tugend focuses on the hypocritical nature of our society when it comes to the subject at hand and how one is able to overcome the ingrained philosophy which we were taught. I found it very refreshing to take an honest look into our society where we are told to learn from our mistakes, yet get penalized and punished when we make them.
It was inspirational to read, an honest look about the cover-your-ass (CYA) culture we have become. How people spend more energy deflecting mistakes, cover them or avoid them instead of owning up, apologizing and learning something out of their faux pas. You can open up any paper on almost any given day and see how the political class in this country is bungling its way through avoidance and deflection, usually making a mockery out of themselves, the system and the people they are suppose to represent.
The author gives an overview of how successful individuals, or more likely industries, handle mistakes. From hospitals, airlines, schools and other industries handling mistakes does not necessarily invokes immediate punishment and after all, not all mistakes are equal.
I read this book after taking a week long CMMI course which is meant to teach one how to find mistakes at the initial phases of a project and learn from them. While I certainly recognize the importance of establishing a standard operating procedure (SOP), I also recognize the love affair many managers have with checklists. This love affair is so prevalent that in many cases the checklist becomes the project regardless of the product it supposes to produce.
The other issue I had in the back of my mind read is that while industries can make all the lists they want but if they ignore data than all their checklists are useless. For example, airlines consider being “on time” if the airplane leaves the gate on time even if it's just a few feet – but it doesn’t matter if the passengers wait on the tarmac for three hours; or hospitals don’t check incoming patients for MRSA virus because they simply don’t want to know if you got it at their hospital.
MRSA virus is a hospital virus and could be lethal!
I did enjoy reading this book, it is thought provoking and the studies the author quotes are interesting and present a point which goes well with the book’s theme. Better yet, I felt as if I learned something which could be practical not only for me, but for my family as well.
For more reviews and bookish thoughts please visit: http://www.ManOfLaBook.com
December 21, 2014
Better By Mistake provides an interesting glimpse into the art of the mistake from a cultural, sociological, and gender perspective. She speaks about how devastating and self-sabotaging it is for cultures--company or national--who see mistakes as character weaknesses instead of opportunities for growth.
Interestingly, she showcases how the more female-dominant way of taking on mistakes so personally and promoting peace and learning via collaboration is really a reflection of the language of subjugation. It was fascinating--and somewhat alarming--to realize that what I'd always prided myself on--working around problems, bringing people together, indirectly getting what I wanted--aren't necessarily positive attributes. Instead, they're the legacy of having been the second class sex for millennia.
The last and final point I appreciated from Alina's book was the point about accountability and responsibility. After a mistake, it's important to apologize. Apologies, however, are not all created equal. Those that go beyond saying, "I'm sorry," to showing true accountability and responsibility for one's behavior help establish better interpersonal relationships and yield in greater change moving forward. Taking accountability and responsibility for mistakes is how we stop them from happening again--as opposed to our current cultural model who is so fearful of lawsuits, it denies, denies, denies and robs us of the potential for restitching our social fabric positively.
Interestingly, she showcases how the more female-dominant way of taking on mistakes so personally and promoting peace and learning via collaboration is really a reflection of the language of subjugation. It was fascinating--and somewhat alarming--to realize that what I'd always prided myself on--working around problems, bringing people together, indirectly getting what I wanted--aren't necessarily positive attributes. Instead, they're the legacy of having been the second class sex for millennia.
The last and final point I appreciated from Alina's book was the point about accountability and responsibility. After a mistake, it's important to apologize. Apologies, however, are not all created equal. Those that go beyond saying, "I'm sorry," to showing true accountability and responsibility for one's behavior help establish better interpersonal relationships and yield in greater change moving forward. Taking accountability and responsibility for mistakes is how we stop them from happening again--as opposed to our current cultural model who is so fearful of lawsuits, it denies, denies, denies and robs us of the potential for restitching our social fabric positively.
November 25, 2015
The premise is that we are told as children that we grow through mistakes, but overtime become convinced that mistakes are terrible, crushing events. Focuses mostly on medicine, business and--strangely traditional for pop psychology--aviation.
Notes:
"Mistakes aren't to be discourages. On the contrary, they should be cultivated and carefully investigated" (qt Lehrer 25).
With technology "what once would have been a blooper that lived for a few days and died can no resonate far beyond its natural life" (37).
Experienced managers may become so good at the game they're used to playing that they no longer see ways to improve significantly. They may need to make deliberate mistakes to test the limits of their knowledge" ( Qtd Schoemkare and Gunther 81)
"single loop" feedback which compares against a standard and either passes or fails and "double loop" which questions the standard itself (94-5)
3 classes of human error: inadvertent human error, at risk behavior and reckless behavior (Just Cultyre 134)
Proper apology includes 3 elements: acknowledge fault or offense, regret, responsibility (and try to repair) (217)
Begin to separate out the behavior and the effect (221)
Notes:
"Mistakes aren't to be discourages. On the contrary, they should be cultivated and carefully investigated" (qt Lehrer 25).
With technology "what once would have been a blooper that lived for a few days and died can no resonate far beyond its natural life" (37).
Experienced managers may become so good at the game they're used to playing that they no longer see ways to improve significantly. They may need to make deliberate mistakes to test the limits of their knowledge" ( Qtd Schoemkare and Gunther 81)
"single loop" feedback which compares against a standard and either passes or fails and "double loop" which questions the standard itself (94-5)
3 classes of human error: inadvertent human error, at risk behavior and reckless behavior (Just Cultyre 134)
Proper apology includes 3 elements: acknowledge fault or offense, regret, responsibility (and try to repair) (217)
Begin to separate out the behavior and the effect (221)
November 17, 2011
Really, really insightful and informative. However, it got a little repetitive. I skimmed a couple chapters in the middle (the medical and aviation chapters). I do agree with everything she brings forward. We need to re-evaluate how we react to mistakes- our own and others- in order to improve our relationships, abilities, resilience, etc. There is a lot more to this book than that :) so I'd say definitely pick it up.
note: It's not a quick read. I'm not sure I ever read more than a chapter at a time. Although, whether that is due to 3 children running around or the actual book is yet to be determined.
note: It's not a quick read. I'm not sure I ever read more than a chapter at a time. Although, whether that is due to 3 children running around or the actual book is yet to be determined.
November 2, 2011
There were some excellent chapters and this is a good effort on this subject. Would recommend it to anyone who is a perfectionist. Some chapters were quite dull, or covered better in other books (such as the chapter on medical errors and errors in aviation). My main criticism is that the book lacked humor and it was a bit dull for that reason. The subject is a good one and would be improved by funny examples.
But overall fine and would advise reading a chapter here and there and not trying to read it all in one sitting. Great chapter on school children and studies about teaching effort versus stressing a high score.
But overall fine and would advise reading a chapter here and there and not trying to read it all in one sitting. Great chapter on school children and studies about teaching effort versus stressing a high score.
October 18, 2012
A well written book that suffers from the relatively common "too many chapters" syndrome. Her point is valid and important, mistakes are valuable potential learning experiences, and if we get into mistake denial mode we have lost that potential experience.
The author writes a great narrative that sometimes feels more like an autobiography than a study of mistakes. While it is valuable to know that someone profited from her research, it felt like it weakened the narrative overall.
Recommended but there may be better resources out there. (The other books referenced by the author for example.)
The author writes a great narrative that sometimes feels more like an autobiography than a study of mistakes. While it is valuable to know that someone profited from her research, it felt like it weakened the narrative overall.
Recommended but there may be better resources out there. (The other books referenced by the author for example.)
September 30, 2012
Well written and expertly researched. Better by Mistake gives a great perspective on how we view mistakes in society and what we can do to practice what we preach. Anyone will tell you that we should learn from our mistakes but there are very few placed where we are encouraged to make them.
The author explores mistakes and their consequences in numerous areas from elementary math class to commercial airline pilots.
It gave me a whole new perspective on the addage I've been hearing all my life.
The author explores mistakes and their consequences in numerous areas from elementary math class to commercial airline pilots.
It gave me a whole new perspective on the addage I've been hearing all my life.
January 19, 2013
I had high hopes for this book, and was generally disappointed, The message is great and I agree with it--we need to admit and learn from our mistakes rather than hide them. Sadly we live in a society where you are chastised, humiliated, etc., for mistakes rather than looking at the root cause of the mistake and learning from that. There was a great deal of research that was pulled into the book, but it was done in a cumbersome way that, at least for me, detracted from the book rather than adding to it. Ultimately, this would be better as a quality Newsweek/Time article.
August 8, 2013
I read this book in an effort to glean some insights into how to make mistakes more comfortable for my daughter so I skipped a few chapters and breezed through some of the rest. There were many interesting anecdotes and studies but I came away with less than I had hoped for my personal situation. The best info came from the sections on Carol Dweck and mindset which I was a bit familiar with. My only wish is that the chapter titles were better descriptors and there were more internal chapter breaks (easier for skimmers...)
January 3, 2014
This book had many interesting anecdotes from medicine, aviation, gender issues, etc. about mistakes.... how and why they're made, how we learn from them, and how we give conflicting messages in society about how great it is to learn from mistakes, yet punish them severely. I won't say that the book made me any more profoundly aware of how to learn from mistakes, but I found the stories interesting. I learned a great deal and developed some empathy for professions in which mistakes can have severe consequences.
July 5, 2015
New York Times columnist Alina Tugend weaves together lessons learned through research on mistakes. The most fascinating parts to me were not those that had to do with work, but rather, with parenting. In particular, praising trying hard results in kids showing more willingness to take risks, try difficult things and learn from getting things wrong. Whereas, kids who are told they are smart want to continue to be seen as smart, so they take fewer risks and are more likely to cover up their mistakes. Interesting ideas. Could've been about half as long.
February 23, 2015
Definitely a reported book vs. a narrative treatment by an expert intimately involved in the field. Well-researched, but not compelling, with a somewhat scattered hodgepodge of anecdotes that only loosely tie into what seems to be a theme that it's good to learn from our mistakes and not judge ourselves -- or others -- too harshly. Maybe a point in need of reinforcing, but it was a tedious journey to get there.
Want to read
April 16, 2012Some people think performance is determined by innate ability, others by effort. High performers tend to work hard, and manage to make it look easy by not revealing all the practice that went into creating the ultimate effortless execution.
Some people pay attention to mistakes as signals of opportunities for improvement, others are just embarrassed. Ironically, embracing, analyzing and understanding mistakes makes them less likely to recur.
Some people pay attention to mistakes as signals of opportunities for improvement, others are just embarrassed. Ironically, embracing, analyzing and understanding mistakes makes them less likely to recur.
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