Diary of an On-call Girl: True Stories from the Front Line

by E.E. Bloggs

PC Bloggs is a serving British police office and Diary of an On-call Girl is a true account of her working life."The tapes are on, the interview begins, and I ask my standard opening ‘Do you understand why you have been arrested?’Believe it or not, sometimes these words alone can prompt a confused confession.‘I ain't been arrested,’ says Shimona.Not exactly a confession.‘Well, you have, because you’re here.’‘I was never arrested, though. No-one never put no handcuffs on me.’I put down my pen. Somehow, I don’t think this is going to be the level of interview for which I need to make notes. ‘You actually don’t need to be handcuffed to be under arrest,’ I say.‘Yeah, I do. Right, Sonia?’Sonia nods emphatically. ‘You do need it, me Ma said so.’In an attempt to steer the interview back on track, I look down at PC Cansat’s statement. ‘Look, it says here, “I then said to Shimona O’Milligan, ‘I am arresting you on suspicion of assault and criminal damage.’ I cautioned her to which she replied, ‘Whatever’.” Does that ring any bells?’Shimona titters. Then she gets serious again. ‘Does he say he handcuffed me, though? Cos he’s a liar.’‘No, he says he arrested you.’‘Well, I wasn’t listening.’‘This may surprise you,’ I say, ‘but you can be arrested even if you aren’t listening.’‘No, you can’t. Not if you’re inside a house. I know the law.’If there is one thing I like more than a gobby teenager, it is a gobby teenager who knows the law.‘Shimona, you are going to have to take my word for the fact that you were brought here under arrest and you are still under arrest now. Let’s move on.’‘Whatever.’"Diary of an On-Call Girl was serialised on BBC Radio 4 and is currently in TV development with scripts being written by the writer of the hit TV comedy Rev.

Genres: Nonfiction, True Crime, Memoir

272 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 27, 2007

Reviews

[Nicci · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant!! I loved this book about the real life of a woman Police Officer. I could not put it down and didnt want to finish it. I hope she rights another. She is VERY sarcastic. I laughed the whole way through it. I loved her view on Community Police officers (who cant arrest or investigate), saying that "i forsee a glorious age whereby PCSO's gradually learn to do everything done currently by police officers. When they get powers of arrest they will receive a warrant card. They will no longer be called PCSO's but will be given a sparkly new title like 'police officers' ". Loved it. Definately recommend. She speaks a a lot about trying to get detections and having them taken away which is also funny and ridiclous. Highly recommended read!

[Hazel · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF'd at approx 50%

I started this years ago and picked it back up in an effort to get stuck into my unread books on my Kindle.

I really struggled with the author and her smarmy tone. She just came across as thinking she was so much better than everybody else.

I could have dragged myself through it if I really wanted to but this year I'm focusing on telling myself that life is too short for bad books!

[Elli (Kindig Blog) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'll start by saying I know nothing about the inner workings of our police department, that said I both really enjoyed and understood the book.

I felt that the anecdotes and characters presented were very amusing, and at times I had to remind myself that these are representations of real people, real cases and real bureaucracy gone mad! I shall definitely have more sympathy for our police force in future. The writing style was extremely engaging - the right amount of wit and sarcasm and I couldn't put it down. The side-story with Will was nice too and gave the story a nice through-line, although it was resolved rather fast which prompted me to turn back, wondering if I'd missed something!

My only qualm with the kindle version is there is a glossary at the end that you can't easily access throughout the book! Although easy to follow, a few departments and abbreviations cropped up that I couldn't quite remember and I think the glossary would have helped.

Overall a very fun read - recommended!

[Helen Shirley · Rating 4 out of 5]

So I read some of the other reviews on here and have to say to criticise this book for being so filled with irony and sarcasm is a farce! Ellie makes it clear from the start with her foreword words of

"Finally this book comes with a health warning: CONTAINS SATIRE, IRONY AND TRACES OF SARCASM"

So if you read that you'd know straight away that's what the book was going to be like!

I would be one of the people that Ellie hates so much in that I was a civilian in the police; pen pushing stats, spreadsheets and home office agendas! But I didn't hold that against her and I really enjoyed this book. I've read a number of books by present or past serving officers and with that and my time with them I'm slightly aware of the never-ending 'back office, administrative, computer-updating, form-filling' side of the role. However PC Bloggs does also talk about the typical incidents the front line officers at her force (and most others) get involved in, but all told in her trademark cynical, sarcastic tone. I know it's a good few years old now, but I would still recommend this book.

[Anna Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

I initially noticed this kindle book, because of the authors name Bloggs. My surname is the same minus the s. I thought 'Could be a relative'. However I realised that it was written by a real police woman so all names had to be changed for confidential reasons. This book was not only very informative, it made me laugh so much at the offenders. Some times I nearly choked laughing so much. They continually offend, think they are smarter than the police. I think reading this book might help a lot of people to realise how hard the police work, how much paperwork, and targets are overwhelming them. I could empathise having worked in the NHS. A lot of people seem to forget that a lot of these rules are from the government/police cuts/stress etc. I thoroughly recommend this book. I was not disappointed, I am sure neither will others who choose to read the book. Well done to the author for the wonderful inside insight of our wonderful police force.

[Kieran McAndrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh God. If this is the state of the Police Service, then anarchy is surely just around the corner.

Bloggs' anonymous account of life in the Police Service shows the fundamental barriers to success in a vital part of society. Easily read, this is a very interesting narrative even if, at times, there is a sense of embroidery to the truth (not that I'm saying the whole book is made up. Far from it!).

[Lisa · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn't stand the main character of this book and some of her views. I'm not sure if her years of police work has hardened her opinion on people or if she's generally just negative . . .

I couldn't finish it as I simply couldn't get passed some of her comments!

[kay cartwright · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read!!

Very enjoyable, witty book. Well written and gave an insight in to the daily life of a police officer and the mad state of affairs surrounding them. Total tongue in cheek humour.

[Jo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the latest published version of a blog by an anonymous police officer serving on the frontlines in England. WPC Bloggs is witty, intelligent and articulate. I found myself laughing out loud several times and I've now realised why we can never get a police officer out when the place I work at is being attacked by local hoodies.

[Steve Whiting · Rating 2 out of 5]

The last of my triumvirate of light-weight holiday policiers, and diminishing returns has well and truly set in. Nothing really wrong with it, and definitely amusing/illuminating (and therefore depressing about the state of criminal justice in the UK) in parts, but 3 in a week was definitely too many!

[Sam · Rating 4 out of 5]

A relentlessly sarcastic account of the day-to-day exploits of a police officer in the UK, mostly involving infuriatingly absurd bureaucracy, ridiculously redundant paperwork, and idiots. It was very funny.

[Jen Wake · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny in places this book gives a jaw droppingly accurate portrayal of how the police swim through paperwork and red tape on a daily basis

[Angela Twelvetree · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good 'people watching' read