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Waiting in Vain
"I'm a Jamaican. Yardie to de bloodclaat core. I love stout more than wine. I love cricket more than baseball... I love Bob Marley more than Beethoven or Basie. . . . And I think that the fat on a woman batty and hips is sexy thing that they shouldn't try to lose at the gym..."
As the clock nears midnight, a travel-weary man steps out of the New York subway where Chinatown collides with Soho and TriBeCa. He strides up West Broadway in his tough, scuffed boots past cafés and bars. Then he sees her, and a spark is lit. She walks like a dancer, and trailing behind her in the coltish breeze is a light silk scarf whose flutter he deems romantic...
Meet Fire--Jamaican born, charming, poetic, and talented--a man who's vowed to never play "love-is-blind" games again. Then he meets Sylvia, a beautiful magazine editor who keeps her passions under lock and key. Together they must choose between the love in their lives and the love of their lives.
Waiting in Vain is a sexy, hypnotic, and beautifully written novel of two souls who meet by chance--then fall hard and fast in a precarious world of hopeful dreamers. With an amazing gift for capturing the subtle Jamaican cadences of his characters' voices, in prose that drips of passion both carnal and pure, Colin Channer immerses us in the fast-paced, often cutthroat art world where sculptors, writers, poets, musicians, gallery owners, and benefactors all reach for success at the expense of themselves and the truth.
From the galleries of Soho to the brownstones of Brooklyn, from the nightclubs of London to the streets of Kingston, Jamaica, Channer takes us on a wild, soul-searching ride as Fire and Sylvia try to connect, disconnect, and reconnect amid conflicting desires and wounds from the past. But through intricate love triangles, skewed priorities, and crushing personal tragedies, Fire, Sylvia, and their friends must learn that some things in life are worth fighting for. If not, you're simply waiting in vain.
From the Hardcover edition.
As the clock nears midnight, a travel-weary man steps out of the New York subway where Chinatown collides with Soho and TriBeCa. He strides up West Broadway in his tough, scuffed boots past cafés and bars. Then he sees her, and a spark is lit. She walks like a dancer, and trailing behind her in the coltish breeze is a light silk scarf whose flutter he deems romantic...
Meet Fire--Jamaican born, charming, poetic, and talented--a man who's vowed to never play "love-is-blind" games again. Then he meets Sylvia, a beautiful magazine editor who keeps her passions under lock and key. Together they must choose between the love in their lives and the love of their lives.
Waiting in Vain is a sexy, hypnotic, and beautifully written novel of two souls who meet by chance--then fall hard and fast in a precarious world of hopeful dreamers. With an amazing gift for capturing the subtle Jamaican cadences of his characters' voices, in prose that drips of passion both carnal and pure, Colin Channer immerses us in the fast-paced, often cutthroat art world where sculptors, writers, poets, musicians, gallery owners, and benefactors all reach for success at the expense of themselves and the truth.
From the galleries of Soho to the brownstones of Brooklyn, from the nightclubs of London to the streets of Kingston, Jamaica, Channer takes us on a wild, soul-searching ride as Fire and Sylvia try to connect, disconnect, and reconnect amid conflicting desires and wounds from the past. But through intricate love triangles, skewed priorities, and crushing personal tragedies, Fire, Sylvia, and their friends must learn that some things in life are worth fighting for. If not, you're simply waiting in vain.
From the Hardcover edition.
249 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1998
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews
November 25, 2008
A "Good Feel" Read,
Like Pac-Man, I could not get enough, and was not let down from the 1st day to the very last words!
The flavors, textures, sounds, smells, vibes conjured up in a way that only Colin can, were so vivid in the book. From the jagged edge of SoHo, to the streets & winding roads of Kingston,......... and everything in-between.
This book explores relationships on many levels; romance, love, money, class, race, power, sex, inner-self. It's about living life for others, and living life for oneself. And finding your role in it.
I'm sure many readers are taken to Fire, as was I. However, this book has many heroes. Diego for one! Sylvia especially, for another. Like I always say; "You can't score the touchdown sitting on the sidelines".
If there is one person who reads this book and says "I can't relate", I'll show you a liar! My emotions ran from laughter, to fear, to excitement, to tears. Tears of joy & pain. (I think I got my money's worth)!
Like Pac-Man, I could not get enough, and was not let down from the 1st day to the very last words!
The flavors, textures, sounds, smells, vibes conjured up in a way that only Colin can, were so vivid in the book. From the jagged edge of SoHo, to the streets & winding roads of Kingston,......... and everything in-between.
This book explores relationships on many levels; romance, love, money, class, race, power, sex, inner-self. It's about living life for others, and living life for oneself. And finding your role in it.
I'm sure many readers are taken to Fire, as was I. However, this book has many heroes. Diego for one! Sylvia especially, for another. Like I always say; "You can't score the touchdown sitting on the sidelines".
If there is one person who reads this book and says "I can't relate", I'll show you a liar! My emotions ran from laughter, to fear, to excitement, to tears. Tears of joy & pain. (I think I got my money's worth)!
June 11, 2018
This book turned out to be an engrossing read for me. It is, without a doubt, one of the strongest voices I have read in a long time, transporting me easily to places I know well from having grown up in Jamaica. Colin Channer’s fearless and pitch-perfect use of Jamaican patois in dialogue could have made this book incomprehensible to many readers, but God bless him, he went all in anyway. I often had to stop and chuckle at references, sayings and Jamaican-isms that I thought I had forgotten, but recalled immediately when I saw them in his words, or ‘heard’ them in his characters’ voices.
While at times I found his prose to be dense and self-indulgent (the kind where you go, ‘oh Lord, not another metaphor’), like someone showing off their fluency in a second language, he so skillfully incorporated all five senses that I ultimately couldn’t feel anything but admiration for his skill. You feel the coolness of the sea breezes, taste the roasted corn, and hear the deep bass drums in the reggae music and are transported. This is clearly a love story, but it was also a heart-wrenching, soul-crushing portrayal of how complicated it can be when men love each other as brothers even when they are not; and the million tiny transgressions that men and women visit upon each other when they are lovers.
The complexity of the relationship between Blanche and Fire, a man and his much more seasoned older lover with whom he could never feel like an equal; and then between Fire and Sylvia who were evenly-matched but at different places on the path to self-acceptance ... wow. Both illustrated the hundreds of ways that men and women can truly, really love each other, and still get things horribly wrong.
And Ian. By far the most complicated and confounding character in the novel. I both loved and loathed him at various points, and ultimately felt empathy for him as someone struggling to understand and open himself up to love but failing spectacularly on both counts.
If I had to find any fault with the book, it would be that there was an underlying pretentiousness, or self-conscious artsiness about it. Populated by talented tenth, well-traveled, cosmopolitan Blacks who hang out with all the eighties NYC ‘cool kids’ like artist Keith Haring, former Olympian and model Andre Six, and designer Willi Smith, at times the book (and author) seemed to be trying too hard. It felt like another instance of the author reassuring us of his artsy street-cred. Especially since the characters themselves did not particularly seem like products of that scene, some of those references felt gratuitous. Channer redeemed himself however with his incredibly insightful observations about what it’s like to be a privileged Jamaican both in Jamaica and abroad, and about the strong ties that bind those in the diaspora to their island home. Highly recommended for lovers of literary fiction.
While at times I found his prose to be dense and self-indulgent (the kind where you go, ‘oh Lord, not another metaphor’), like someone showing off their fluency in a second language, he so skillfully incorporated all five senses that I ultimately couldn’t feel anything but admiration for his skill. You feel the coolness of the sea breezes, taste the roasted corn, and hear the deep bass drums in the reggae music and are transported. This is clearly a love story, but it was also a heart-wrenching, soul-crushing portrayal of how complicated it can be when men love each other as brothers even when they are not; and the million tiny transgressions that men and women visit upon each other when they are lovers.
The complexity of the relationship between Blanche and Fire, a man and his much more seasoned older lover with whom he could never feel like an equal; and then between Fire and Sylvia who were evenly-matched but at different places on the path to self-acceptance ... wow. Both illustrated the hundreds of ways that men and women can truly, really love each other, and still get things horribly wrong.
And Ian. By far the most complicated and confounding character in the novel. I both loved and loathed him at various points, and ultimately felt empathy for him as someone struggling to understand and open himself up to love but failing spectacularly on both counts.
If I had to find any fault with the book, it would be that there was an underlying pretentiousness, or self-conscious artsiness about it. Populated by talented tenth, well-traveled, cosmopolitan Blacks who hang out with all the eighties NYC ‘cool kids’ like artist Keith Haring, former Olympian and model Andre Six, and designer Willi Smith, at times the book (and author) seemed to be trying too hard. It felt like another instance of the author reassuring us of his artsy street-cred. Especially since the characters themselves did not particularly seem like products of that scene, some of those references felt gratuitous. Channer redeemed himself however with his incredibly insightful observations about what it’s like to be a privileged Jamaican both in Jamaica and abroad, and about the strong ties that bind those in the diaspora to their island home. Highly recommended for lovers of literary fiction.
October 8, 2014
I just finished reading this book for about the fifth time. I love the story of Sylvia and Fire. Even better than this story of a love that seems to defy what society defines as love, is my love for Channer's writing
style.
I love the way their love allowed them to absorb one another and fulfill the needs and desires of the other because those were their own needs and desires. Something about the way this story is told leads me to believe that Mr. Channer must've found his one true love, his soul mate. This story is told with such honesty and clarity that I find it hard to believe that it's all fiction.
My favorite scene is where Fire nurses Sylvia on the cab ride to her apartment. And, I love the way Channer depicts the unraveling of sanity that takes place in Ian's mind.
Relationships are very important in this story and each story thread reveals important truths about those people we hold dear in our lives. I have marked this book up with various colors of pen and highlighters. And it's starting to fall apart, but I will never get rid of this book. The story is as timeless as the writing.
style.
I love the way their love allowed them to absorb one another and fulfill the needs and desires of the other because those were their own needs and desires. Something about the way this story is told leads me to believe that Mr. Channer must've found his one true love, his soul mate. This story is told with such honesty and clarity that I find it hard to believe that it's all fiction.
My favorite scene is where Fire nurses Sylvia on the cab ride to her apartment. And, I love the way Channer depicts the unraveling of sanity that takes place in Ian's mind.
Relationships are very important in this story and each story thread reveals important truths about those people we hold dear in our lives. I have marked this book up with various colors of pen and highlighters. And it's starting to fall apart, but I will never get rid of this book. The story is as timeless as the writing.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 3, 2017
It's a love story. I don't like love stories. But it was, I admit, a lovely story...
August 18, 2008
This book was so lyrical that I became irritated at times, with the luscious display of prose. And it was luscious. I didn't feel enough of the passion between the main love interests (their names have escaped me as I create this review.) Most of the characters weren't complex enough for me, and much of the plot was predictable.
This would have been a much more interesting story about Ian and his love interests. The most complex characters, I was intrigued by his struggle to define himself as a man, beyond his art and the anger he felt at the people who'd helped paved his way to success. Ian's self loathing and violent tendencies is where the real story is, not within the romance.
I'll add though that many an island girl, have used produce for um....well...read it.
This would have been a much more interesting story about Ian and his love interests. The most complex characters, I was intrigued by his struggle to define himself as a man, beyond his art and the anger he felt at the people who'd helped paved his way to success. Ian's self loathing and violent tendencies is where the real story is, not within the romance.
I'll add though that many an island girl, have used produce for um....well...read it.
January 3, 2013
I probably should've started with Colin Channer's more recent work. Everyone in this book is in the art world (think the cheesiness of Love Jones). Everyone is beautiful or has been at some point. Everyone has got drama. Now this could still make for a good book, but the characters did not seem real. There was no subtlety; Channer spoke a little too loudly through them. One passage I was particularly annoyed with (when Fire first meets Sylvia on the street):
"He caught a flash of tongue, a bit of pink against her teeth. He liked her more now. She knew dalliance from harassment. Many women had lost that, had sacrificed good sense for politics."
I just couldn't get in to it. But I will give Channer's work another try.
"He caught a flash of tongue, a bit of pink against her teeth. He liked her more now. She knew dalliance from harassment. Many women had lost that, had sacrificed good sense for politics."
I just couldn't get in to it. But I will give Channer's work another try.
September 24, 2012
The romance was good. It is about a woman named Sylvia and a man, Adrian or Fire. They meet while Sylvia is in a somewhat weak but complicated relationship and feel a connection. They disconnect but the story goes on with several other interesting characters and their storylines. The writing is earthy and sensual, but it is goes overboard into bad romance with the descriptions of certain moments. It also touched on the struggle between integrity and security in the art world. I like that because it's the meat of the story that makes it more than just an afro-romamce novel
March 28, 2011
Reading romance novels for class is such a strange thing. This one is so overtly sexy that it gets kind of tired. Also, I was getting to be kind of interested in the conflict of the story but the ending falls flat. It seemed like Channer started writing a different novel around page 300, which was bizarre. In any case, an interesting popular fiction look at identity and Caribbean diaspora.
February 20, 2020
These characters are a mess! And the writing style was not my cup of tea. Had to read some parts twice to understand what was going on. Too much switching between character thoughts and sometimes I had no idea whose head I was in or who they were talking about. I could feel the instant connection between Fire and Sylvia, but wish there was actually more of them as a couple in the story.
May 17, 2011
One of my favorite authors. I wish he would write more books. He has such a poetic way of writing. I've read every book by him.
November 17, 2013
It's been so long but I know I liked it. Going to look into recent Colin Channer
April 4, 2014
Overly wordy it felt like it was trying to be poetic. What I imagine soft porn is like, I had to stop reading it.
June 30, 2022
I wish I could give two separate reviews for this book because the first half of the novel is absolutely five stars. I'm typically hesitant about male authors who write hypersexually (partially because Junot Diaz was my favorite living author before the stuff about him came out), but there were a couple early passages that made me see Channer's writing in a new light.
At one point, the main character writes a letter to his love interest, where he writes, "It would be nice if you choose to remember me. Yes, I'd like that. Remember me as the guy who didn't want the cab ride to end, who didn't want you to wake until whatever was causing you to toss so much had been washed from your soul."
I appreciated that this is a main male character who largely respects boundaries. In the scene that character is writing about, there's this tension between the two characters and a lesser storyteller would have just had them hook-up then and there before the male protagonist left town for months. Instead, the protagonist doesn't presume anything or objectify her and respects her boundaries.
And that whole interaction made me realize Channer isn't some male author just writing hypersexually, though the sexual language is impossible to separate entirely. Instead, the first half of the novel is this slow burn love story between two people who respect each other as equals and human beings. He's poetic with a few wonderful turns of phrase that make me angry I didn't write them; namely, "He looked away, caught a smile, and brought it back to her."
Beyond that, there's so many interesting things Channer has to say about Jamaica and anticolonialism and diaspora and toxic masculinity and consumerism that kept my attention for every page.
The second half of the novel is a bit messier. For the first 168 pages, the book is written in close third person perspective, following the two lovers interchangeably. So it's jarring when the second half starts following the perspective of the main male character's childhood friend, who's just a cartoonish caricature of toxic masculinity. A.) It feels jarring to introduce that perspective so late in the book. B.) the character hasn't been shown with any redeemable qualities to the point you question why the main character was ever friends with him. C.) The character is clearly written as a foil to the main male character, but the main character already has a foil in the book (both in terms of another character and the culture of toxic masculinity immersed in the world around him).
It's like Channer is trying too hard to make the main character stand-out when he already stands out. And the author could better accomplish this interplay by telling these sections from Fire's perspective and leaving the reader in the dark about what's going on in Ian's head. The ending chapters also felt very rushed in my opinion in ways that I won't get into as it would spoil a few story threads.
I wanted to love this book and I do love the first half, but the second half just felt like too much of a mess for me to recommend it.
At one point, the main character writes a letter to his love interest, where he writes, "It would be nice if you choose to remember me. Yes, I'd like that. Remember me as the guy who didn't want the cab ride to end, who didn't want you to wake until whatever was causing you to toss so much had been washed from your soul."
I appreciated that this is a main male character who largely respects boundaries. In the scene that character is writing about, there's this tension between the two characters and a lesser storyteller would have just had them hook-up then and there before the male protagonist left town for months. Instead, the protagonist doesn't presume anything or objectify her and respects her boundaries.
And that whole interaction made me realize Channer isn't some male author just writing hypersexually, though the sexual language is impossible to separate entirely. Instead, the first half of the novel is this slow burn love story between two people who respect each other as equals and human beings. He's poetic with a few wonderful turns of phrase that make me angry I didn't write them; namely, "He looked away, caught a smile, and brought it back to her."
Beyond that, there's so many interesting things Channer has to say about Jamaica and anticolonialism and diaspora and toxic masculinity and consumerism that kept my attention for every page.
The second half of the novel is a bit messier. For the first 168 pages, the book is written in close third person perspective, following the two lovers interchangeably. So it's jarring when the second half starts following the perspective of the main male character's childhood friend, who's just a cartoonish caricature of toxic masculinity. A.) It feels jarring to introduce that perspective so late in the book. B.) the character hasn't been shown with any redeemable qualities to the point you question why the main character was ever friends with him. C.) The character is clearly written as a foil to the main male character, but the main character already has a foil in the book (both in terms of another character and the culture of toxic masculinity immersed in the world around him).
It's like Channer is trying too hard to make the main character stand-out when he already stands out. And the author could better accomplish this interplay by telling these sections from Fire's perspective and leaving the reader in the dark about what's going on in Ian's head. The ending chapters also felt very rushed in my opinion in ways that I won't get into as it would spoil a few story threads.
I wanted to love this book and I do love the first half, but the second half just felt like too much of a mess for me to recommend it.
May 6, 2015
Every once in a blue moon a book randomly falls in your lap. I guess it happens more often for me because I allow that to happen. This novel was recommended to me via Amazon.com I believe, so I bought it. It sat on my shelf for a good year or so until I finally selected it for reading.
It was written by a Jamaican fellow. I liked reading his point of view, taking me to a different culture than my own. I loved some of his way of writing. I want to give it 3 1/2 STARS but this program only allows singular stars. I'd be lying if I said I didn't take away something from this book. If fact, it got me into the mood of Bob Marley and Charlie Parker music. I love when an author interjects names of songs to add to my Spotify list. And so, for those that are romantically-challenged I recommend this one (even if there are a few profanity words that could have been clipped on to the editing room floor). Here are some of the lines that captured me for some reason or another:
WAITING IN VAIN, a novel by COLIN CHANNER
I dare not love you as you deserve,
It is not that I don’t know how,
I do understand the language of love,
And were it a different world
I would write you poems etching you
Into the tender cliché of Negril’s palmy coast…
He held her like a dancer…
He understood her needs. Wordplay for him was foreplay. Her thighs were the covers of an open book—a journal lined with fantasies and fears. He read her like a child, slowly, with his nose against the page, using a finger to guide his way. So he knew when to baby her and when to bitch her up.
“I should tell you something. I am woman…I am water. You are man…you are stone. Water will wear down stone.”
”Was that your smile or the reflection of mine?” he asked.
She shrugged her shoulders to mean “whatever”.
“I hope it was the reflection of mine,” he said. “I wouldn’t like you to smile at me like that before you got to know me. When you get to know me I’ll know what it means. Right now I might have the wrong idea.”
The ritual of writing—the choosing of the paper, the finding of the pen, the convening of the thoughts, the drawing of the letters---was an intimate act that sometimes gave him the pleasure of kissing…
It’s so hot and I’ve been wandering around here naked at times, luxuriating in my own sensuality and having all sorts of fantasies about you.
“I would’ve dance with you…fast or slow…however you like it. I hope it would be slow though. You have to be slow to be sexy.”
“I didn’t mean to cry when I saw you,” she said. “I was just having a very bad morning.”
“And here I was, thinking they were tears of joy.”
It’s fascinating, he thought, how difficult it is to predict people’s tastes.
If you were going to spend a month on a desert island and you could only take one person, who would it be?
As a man of experience he knew that nothing prevented a good fall better than firm and reasoned reflection.
Would I have told him that I love him and miss him? She thought. She began to hope that she would have. She didn’t know. Suddenly she was feeling abandoned, and the hands of the clock on her wall were whittling time like a pocketknife, and there was nothing she could do with the pieces.
As Oscar Wilde said, “There is no such thing as a bad book…only bad writers.”
Papayas and cacao pods were her breasts, and an overripe mango, split from falling, brought to mind the sweetness of the fruit between her legs.
“How do you know that it’s LOVE and not just infatuation?”
“LOVE is infatuation.”
“What you mean?” he asked as a challenge, thinking that F was trying to blow him off.
F asked him for a cigarette, his first in almost a decade.
“I am infatuated,” he said as the smoke filled him up. “She inspires me to do fatuous things. I used to feel this way a lot when I was younger. The difference is she still makes me giddy when I’m old enough to know better. I like the dizziness that comes with it. It’s a very nice high.”
“I think infatuation has gotten a bad rap,” F continued. “That’s why a lot of relationships break down. LOVE without infatuation is not enough. Cause it’s infatuation that brings playfulness, indulgence, romance. LOVE, on the other hand, is about patience and loyalty and, very importantly, nurturing—that impulse to take care of someone and see to their needs. So when you hear people saying, ‘I LOVE you but I’m not IN LOVE with you,’ what they’re really saying is that they wouldn’t go with you at two in the morning to find a pint of Haagen-Dazs anymore.”
“So what are you going to do about all this?”
“Nothing,” F replied.
“Just nothing?”
“That’s right. S doesn’t want to be hot or cold, man. S wants to be lukewarm. And I can’t deal with that. Trust me. I won’t be waiting in fain. But if she becomes single again and she makes the move…well…you never know.”
“That’s it, man…I personally need that. Everybody doesn’t—but I do. I need someone that I can talk with about Nabokov and Leon Forrest but also Stephen King. Someone who can leave a museum and go see a karate film. I want partnership, man—someone that’s wired for me outta the box, someone with the same intellectual and spiritual vocabulary…”
“LIVE as if your body is a temple.”
“Do you know why I’m not depressed anymore?”
“I have time. It felt so strange this morning to have time. It’s something I haven’t had in a while. It feels so good.”
“Artists tend to be very controlling—you can’t create without control. And they carry this need into everyday life.”
“We are here today in the name of LOVE. And LOVE is bigger than religion. For religion was made by man…and LOVE was made by God. So let us walk together and make a joyful noise and sing that song that binds every one of us who came across the Atlantic in the belly of the whale—‘AMAZING GRACE’.”
“Everybody has free will. Everybody has to make choices—choices they must live with, sometimes die with.
There are many struggles in life. Everything in life is a struggle, and the greatest one of all is holding that commitment to keep struggling no matter what. Cause when you lose that one, you can easily lose it all.”
He lost his idea by the time he reached for his pen; and he sat there for a while with the Uniball suspended over the paper, waiting for a thought.
LIFE is a struggle. One trial after another, and that is why we need heroes, for they remind us of how much we can endure.
“By the way, is that your smile or the reflection of mine?”
It was written by a Jamaican fellow. I liked reading his point of view, taking me to a different culture than my own. I loved some of his way of writing. I want to give it 3 1/2 STARS but this program only allows singular stars. I'd be lying if I said I didn't take away something from this book. If fact, it got me into the mood of Bob Marley and Charlie Parker music. I love when an author interjects names of songs to add to my Spotify list. And so, for those that are romantically-challenged I recommend this one (even if there are a few profanity words that could have been clipped on to the editing room floor). Here are some of the lines that captured me for some reason or another:
WAITING IN VAIN, a novel by COLIN CHANNER
I dare not love you as you deserve,
It is not that I don’t know how,
I do understand the language of love,
And were it a different world
I would write you poems etching you
Into the tender cliché of Negril’s palmy coast…
He held her like a dancer…
He understood her needs. Wordplay for him was foreplay. Her thighs were the covers of an open book—a journal lined with fantasies and fears. He read her like a child, slowly, with his nose against the page, using a finger to guide his way. So he knew when to baby her and when to bitch her up.
“I should tell you something. I am woman…I am water. You are man…you are stone. Water will wear down stone.”
”Was that your smile or the reflection of mine?” he asked.
She shrugged her shoulders to mean “whatever”.
“I hope it was the reflection of mine,” he said. “I wouldn’t like you to smile at me like that before you got to know me. When you get to know me I’ll know what it means. Right now I might have the wrong idea.”
The ritual of writing—the choosing of the paper, the finding of the pen, the convening of the thoughts, the drawing of the letters---was an intimate act that sometimes gave him the pleasure of kissing…
It’s so hot and I’ve been wandering around here naked at times, luxuriating in my own sensuality and having all sorts of fantasies about you.
“I would’ve dance with you…fast or slow…however you like it. I hope it would be slow though. You have to be slow to be sexy.”
“I didn’t mean to cry when I saw you,” she said. “I was just having a very bad morning.”
“And here I was, thinking they were tears of joy.”
It’s fascinating, he thought, how difficult it is to predict people’s tastes.
If you were going to spend a month on a desert island and you could only take one person, who would it be?
As a man of experience he knew that nothing prevented a good fall better than firm and reasoned reflection.
Would I have told him that I love him and miss him? She thought. She began to hope that she would have. She didn’t know. Suddenly she was feeling abandoned, and the hands of the clock on her wall were whittling time like a pocketknife, and there was nothing she could do with the pieces.
As Oscar Wilde said, “There is no such thing as a bad book…only bad writers.”
Papayas and cacao pods were her breasts, and an overripe mango, split from falling, brought to mind the sweetness of the fruit between her legs.
“How do you know that it’s LOVE and not just infatuation?”
“LOVE is infatuation.”
“What you mean?” he asked as a challenge, thinking that F was trying to blow him off.
F asked him for a cigarette, his first in almost a decade.
“I am infatuated,” he said as the smoke filled him up. “She inspires me to do fatuous things. I used to feel this way a lot when I was younger. The difference is she still makes me giddy when I’m old enough to know better. I like the dizziness that comes with it. It’s a very nice high.”
“I think infatuation has gotten a bad rap,” F continued. “That’s why a lot of relationships break down. LOVE without infatuation is not enough. Cause it’s infatuation that brings playfulness, indulgence, romance. LOVE, on the other hand, is about patience and loyalty and, very importantly, nurturing—that impulse to take care of someone and see to their needs. So when you hear people saying, ‘I LOVE you but I’m not IN LOVE with you,’ what they’re really saying is that they wouldn’t go with you at two in the morning to find a pint of Haagen-Dazs anymore.”
“So what are you going to do about all this?”
“Nothing,” F replied.
“Just nothing?”
“That’s right. S doesn’t want to be hot or cold, man. S wants to be lukewarm. And I can’t deal with that. Trust me. I won’t be waiting in fain. But if she becomes single again and she makes the move…well…you never know.”
“That’s it, man…I personally need that. Everybody doesn’t—but I do. I need someone that I can talk with about Nabokov and Leon Forrest but also Stephen King. Someone who can leave a museum and go see a karate film. I want partnership, man—someone that’s wired for me outta the box, someone with the same intellectual and spiritual vocabulary…”
“LIVE as if your body is a temple.”
“Do you know why I’m not depressed anymore?”
“I have time. It felt so strange this morning to have time. It’s something I haven’t had in a while. It feels so good.”
“Artists tend to be very controlling—you can’t create without control. And they carry this need into everyday life.”
“We are here today in the name of LOVE. And LOVE is bigger than religion. For religion was made by man…and LOVE was made by God. So let us walk together and make a joyful noise and sing that song that binds every one of us who came across the Atlantic in the belly of the whale—‘AMAZING GRACE’.”
“Everybody has free will. Everybody has to make choices—choices they must live with, sometimes die with.
There are many struggles in life. Everything in life is a struggle, and the greatest one of all is holding that commitment to keep struggling no matter what. Cause when you lose that one, you can easily lose it all.”
He lost his idea by the time he reached for his pen; and he sat there for a while with the Uniball suspended over the paper, waiting for a thought.
LIFE is a struggle. One trial after another, and that is why we need heroes, for they remind us of how much we can endure.
“By the way, is that your smile or the reflection of mine?”
November 18, 2024
intriguing in it's project, but i'm not compelled by the main love interest Fire, he seems to be a caricature of what a man thinks woman find attractive rather than an attractive man in totality, conceptually he's fine but in practice he was a bit obnoxious, beautiful theories of place and people though and this is what saves the novel
April 24, 2019
As a deep reader of all things that center Black love, a friend's suggestion of Colin Channer's 'Waiting in Vain' was a most welcome recommendation. Set primarily in New York and Kingston with a brief séjour in London, 'Waiting in Vain' has been marketed as a passionate, transnational tale of love and friendship. That description is far from accurate. Friendship is indeed central to the novel's plot, but the love story--whether platonic or romantic--leaves much to be desired.
A.J. "Fire" Heath is an eminent fiction writer. Well known in Jamaica, Canada, and the UK, he has yet to penetrate the U.S. market and has no aspirations of doing so. For Fire, art is life. His best friend, Ian, with whom he shares a complicated history and tense relationship, is also an artist. Unlike Fire, however, Ian's prosperity has not translated into financial security and sustained acclaim. Ian has many demons: he is estranged from his mother, physically and emotionally violent towards Margaret, his on-again, off-again girlfriend, and in a sea of financial debt. During a visit to New York to see Ian, Fire crosses paths with Sylvia. Sylvia is executive editor for the U.S.'s premier Black culture magazine. Sylvia earns a good living, but her work is unfulfilling. Despite her rank and title, Sylvia possesses very little editorial control, and her day job has prevented her from finishing the novel in which she has invested a decade (or near decade) of work. Moreover, Sylvia's relationship with Lewis, a vain, condescending Wall Street broker, survives solely on each's desire for status. Sylvia and Fire's forbidden attraction (Sylvia is in a relationship with Lewis upon meeting Fire) ostensibly constitutes the novel's central concern.
However, the novel's plot is full of many moving parts. Sylvia and Fire's "Will they? / Won't they?" dance takes a back seat to Fire and Ian's tumultuous relationship. Of less importance (and intrigue) is Sylvia's (chemistry devoid) relationship with Lewis and frequent clashes with her boss Virgil. All of these loose ends converge in that they are intentionally absurdist portrayals of the Black Bourgeoisie at a time of relative economic prosperity and upward mobility for this "Talented Tenth." Channer does an excellent job of unveiling their obsession with status and image, and he does so within two different contexts. Channer looks at a diasporic community of Black elites in New York, but he also narrows his focus to the particularity of the lofty lives of Jamaican ex-pats. In addition to this, sexuality and masculinity are looping themes throughout the novel. While I surmise that Channer meant for the novel's queer male characters to serve as a means to critique queer antagonism, they lack complexity and full integration into the storyline. Consequently, their storylines, at least to me, seemed to reproduce harmful stereotypes about queer Black men (especially as these stereotypes existed in the 1990s) and perpetuate queer antagonistic depictions of Black men's sexuality.
On a stylistic level, the novel is equally complicated. Channer's prose is often overly flowery, but he writes dialogue almost entirely in Jamaican Patois--without translation. I'm a huge champion of nation language being included in literature, but great novels cannot survive on this type of political protest alone. Ian and Fire are well-constructed characters, each possessing a depth and complexity that allows them to stand alone, regardless of their romantic entanglements. Sylvia, on the other hand, reads as hollow. That she possesses no platonic relationship that is as deep as Fire and Ian's means that readers only come to know her through her romantic relationships with Fire and Lewis. This, of course, renders her a less dynamic character because readers only understand her hopes, desires, motivations, and fears within the context of her entanglements with men.
'Waiting in Vain' would be more aptly described as a tale of friendship--male friendship. If there is a love story between these pages, it is most assuredly Fire and Ian's. Even still, that relationship is a tale of toxic love and dependent bonds.
A.J. "Fire" Heath is an eminent fiction writer. Well known in Jamaica, Canada, and the UK, he has yet to penetrate the U.S. market and has no aspirations of doing so. For Fire, art is life. His best friend, Ian, with whom he shares a complicated history and tense relationship, is also an artist. Unlike Fire, however, Ian's prosperity has not translated into financial security and sustained acclaim. Ian has many demons: he is estranged from his mother, physically and emotionally violent towards Margaret, his on-again, off-again girlfriend, and in a sea of financial debt. During a visit to New York to see Ian, Fire crosses paths with Sylvia. Sylvia is executive editor for the U.S.'s premier Black culture magazine. Sylvia earns a good living, but her work is unfulfilling. Despite her rank and title, Sylvia possesses very little editorial control, and her day job has prevented her from finishing the novel in which she has invested a decade (or near decade) of work. Moreover, Sylvia's relationship with Lewis, a vain, condescending Wall Street broker, survives solely on each's desire for status. Sylvia and Fire's forbidden attraction (Sylvia is in a relationship with Lewis upon meeting Fire) ostensibly constitutes the novel's central concern.
However, the novel's plot is full of many moving parts. Sylvia and Fire's "Will they? / Won't they?" dance takes a back seat to Fire and Ian's tumultuous relationship. Of less importance (and intrigue) is Sylvia's (chemistry devoid) relationship with Lewis and frequent clashes with her boss Virgil. All of these loose ends converge in that they are intentionally absurdist portrayals of the Black Bourgeoisie at a time of relative economic prosperity and upward mobility for this "Talented Tenth." Channer does an excellent job of unveiling their obsession with status and image, and he does so within two different contexts. Channer looks at a diasporic community of Black elites in New York, but he also narrows his focus to the particularity of the lofty lives of Jamaican ex-pats. In addition to this, sexuality and masculinity are looping themes throughout the novel. While I surmise that Channer meant for the novel's queer male characters to serve as a means to critique queer antagonism, they lack complexity and full integration into the storyline. Consequently, their storylines, at least to me, seemed to reproduce harmful stereotypes about queer Black men (especially as these stereotypes existed in the 1990s) and perpetuate queer antagonistic depictions of Black men's sexuality.
On a stylistic level, the novel is equally complicated. Channer's prose is often overly flowery, but he writes dialogue almost entirely in Jamaican Patois--without translation. I'm a huge champion of nation language being included in literature, but great novels cannot survive on this type of political protest alone. Ian and Fire are well-constructed characters, each possessing a depth and complexity that allows them to stand alone, regardless of their romantic entanglements. Sylvia, on the other hand, reads as hollow. That she possesses no platonic relationship that is as deep as Fire and Ian's means that readers only come to know her through her romantic relationships with Fire and Lewis. This, of course, renders her a less dynamic character because readers only understand her hopes, desires, motivations, and fears within the context of her entanglements with men.
'Waiting in Vain' would be more aptly described as a tale of friendship--male friendship. If there is a love story between these pages, it is most assuredly Fire and Ian's. Even still, that relationship is a tale of toxic love and dependent bonds.
June 30, 2013
Oh my, where to begin. Well, for starters, maybe the initial meeting of Fire and Sylvia. Literally love at first sight, and where a good deal of the chaos begins.
Fire, who we later learn is an established and famous writer, hails from Jamaica and often goes to London and New York to meet friends, and he meets Sylvia in London when going to visit Claire. They meet again in New York where Sylvia falls for Fire despite herself, because she is in a relationship with Lewis that is ultimately doomed.
All the character's lives are layered and messy, filled with love triangles, jealousy, vitriol... I even felt bad for Lewis, when I wanted to smack him for his pettiness and also Sylvia's boss Virgil, who's a complete dick, even has a soft side. No one is one-dimensional, and just like real people, they can make you feel many things at a time.
I rooted for Fire and Sylvia all the way through, and cried for them when it seemed like they both blew it at the end, but it was reconciled rightfully and beautifully.
On the darker side... I also really felt for Ian, even though I wanted to smack him sometimes, too. His doomed love for Margaret is likely the title of this book, and Margaret wants him, too, but won't admit it to herself. Ian is slowly revealed to be insane and deeply depressed, and suspense builds as you expect him to heed the voice in his head to kill Margaret, Phil and then himself, and ultimately Ian kills himself in him and Phil's apartment in the dark, silently so that no one will stop him. Fire believes that it was his fault, that he was too caught up with Sylvia to notice that Ian was having such a hard time.
All in all, Waiting in Vain is a great book, very romantic and real, and I would definitely read it again. I miss them already.
Fire, who we later learn is an established and famous writer, hails from Jamaica and often goes to London and New York to meet friends, and he meets Sylvia in London when going to visit Claire. They meet again in New York where Sylvia falls for Fire despite herself, because she is in a relationship with Lewis that is ultimately doomed.
All the character's lives are layered and messy, filled with love triangles, jealousy, vitriol... I even felt bad for Lewis, when I wanted to smack him for his pettiness and also Sylvia's boss Virgil, who's a complete dick, even has a soft side. No one is one-dimensional, and just like real people, they can make you feel many things at a time.
I rooted for Fire and Sylvia all the way through, and cried for them when it seemed like they both blew it at the end, but it was reconciled rightfully and beautifully.
On the darker side... I also really felt for Ian, even though I wanted to smack him sometimes, too. His doomed love for Margaret is likely the title of this book, and Margaret wants him, too, but won't admit it to herself. Ian is slowly revealed to be insane and deeply depressed, and suspense builds as you expect him to heed the voice in his head to kill Margaret, Phil and then himself, and ultimately Ian kills himself in him and Phil's apartment in the dark, silently so that no one will stop him. Fire believes that it was his fault, that he was too caught up with Sylvia to notice that Ian was having such a hard time.
All in all, Waiting in Vain is a great book, very romantic and real, and I would definitely read it again. I miss them already.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 17, 2012
This book was very creative and this author opened my eyes to a whole new life. After reading Waiting in Vain I feel as though I know more about island life or more specifically Jamaican life. If I had a say, the man in the glasses on the cover would be the whole cover and not just because he looks awesome but because it reflects more of the story. In this lovely novel the author shows you how a wealthy Jamaican writer/artist named Fire, struggles with relationships with unavailable women. Its a love story but its much more with topics of class, race, family and drugs.
In the beginning the story starts with Fire and Blanche a married woman who he has on and off sexual relationship. Fire wants a change and he goes to New York. In New York Fire hooks up with his childhood friend and a fellow artist Ian. Ian's is of the Islands as well and lives in usa strung out on drugs. Fire and Ian discuss there lives and their struggles with women.
In New York is where you get swept off your feet by Fire and his dialog with Silvia. The whole relationship between Fire and Silvia is amazing and the author makes you want Fire that much more.
Waiting in Vain also contains 2 side stories Ian and Margret.
The reader is introduced to many characters and a different dialect and at times its a little confusing. The author also tends to switch point of views in the middle of a paragraph and it tends to cause motion sickness but I dont hold these things against the author because his story is beautifully expressed that i wouldn't mind reading it again. And I will look for more from this author.
In the beginning the story starts with Fire and Blanche a married woman who he has on and off sexual relationship. Fire wants a change and he goes to New York. In New York Fire hooks up with his childhood friend and a fellow artist Ian. Ian's is of the Islands as well and lives in usa strung out on drugs. Fire and Ian discuss there lives and their struggles with women.
In New York is where you get swept off your feet by Fire and his dialog with Silvia. The whole relationship between Fire and Silvia is amazing and the author makes you want Fire that much more.
Waiting in Vain also contains 2 side stories Ian and Margret.
The reader is introduced to many characters and a different dialect and at times its a little confusing. The author also tends to switch point of views in the middle of a paragraph and it tends to cause motion sickness but I dont hold these things against the author because his story is beautifully expressed that i wouldn't mind reading it again. And I will look for more from this author.
June 25, 2021
In my eyes, the cover of this book doesn't do it justice, this book is beautifully written and captures so many aspects of Jamaican culture and it's diaspora so well. Colin Channer masterfully explains a series of complex dynamics within Jamaican culture which include but are not limited to the social and economic class system which extends to the United Kingdom . He is able to capture the movement of this story through two islands as well as the United States and England with each location being it's own character. I love that he explores all aspects of each character in thoughtful and insightful ways. Adrian and Sylvia have their own social circles and different approaches to their respective aspirations, trauma and goals. They are each trying to navigate through romantic relationships and friendships that they have outgrown while Sylvia seems to continue to turn a blind eye to certain aspects of blatant manipulation in her own relationship and friendships. Although Adrian seems to be more cognizant and almost accepting of those realities with respect to the nature of his relationship with Blanche. As they move towards one another, you have the intersectionality of their social circles which effect their careers and personal lives. I personally appreciate the patois and the honesty with both the expectation and disappointment of love, however, I would like to see a follow up to how these characters evolve as human beings rather than being deduced to a trope by the end of a very long and winding road towards one another
February 8, 2013
This was a good book. For me, this books was about going after what you truly want in life and doing the things that make you happy. The author paints very vivid, detailed backgrounds for his characters which I enjoyed. For example, I think most people know someone like Sylvia, who is one of the main characters, who instead of doing what she really loves, settles for a job she hates that provides her with a certain high social status. If you don't know someone like her, then you probably are like her yourself and would be able to relate to this book even more. The books hits on a wide range of subjects from art, education, abuse, to relationships, not only between friends, but family also, career choices, and even suicide.
October 16, 2016
Jamaican-born Fire, a man who vows never to play “love-is-blind” games again. Meets Sylvia, a beautiful magazine editor who keeps her passions under lock and key. Together they must choose between the love in their lives and the love of their lives. The author takes us on a wild, soul-searching ride as Fire and Sylvia try to connect, disconnect, and reconnect amid conflicting desires and wounds from the past.
August 21, 2010
Love, love, love this book. The characters are so dynamic and multifaceted that the readers reaction to them runs from one extreme to the next, there is no room for middle ground with them. The images are vivid and by the time the story comes to an end the reader will want much more. Fire took my breath away. Colin Channer is a great story teller that never disappoints.
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December 20, 2007I loved this. I like his lyrical writing style, though Kas hates it!! I love the way he put some of these passages together. I've earmarked certain pages to go back & re-read just because I thought the paragraphs were so beautifully written...
October 4, 2013
Collin Channer's writing is so lyrical this book is one of the best works of fiction I have read it's poetry and eroticism as well as Channer's descriptions of food yes food are so intoxicating ! This is a love story that I wish was real starring me :)!Just joking I enjoyed this book completely.
February 6, 2009
It's good to see a Caribbean soul write some soul! While this author tends to get violent in his works, I feel that he is gifted in the art of storytelling. I would recommend this to anyone would love to "go home and back."
March 13, 2016
A strange book indeed. I did like the arcs and the setting changes and the interplay of class and status between characters and conflicts. Very intense at times, more than I wanted at times but it kept me hooked.
June 4, 2008
I have nothing to say.....couldn't even finish the whole book!
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February 11, 2009i couldn't finish, so no stars. sorry colin channer, and i LOVED "girl with the golden shoes"
February 23, 2009
Excellent book. I loved Colin Channer's descriptions and his use of language in this novel. Characters and the plot were intriguing. A book I would definitely re-read. Very romantic but not sappy.
March 13, 2009
Love Story (sigh)
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