Are We There Yet?: Tales from the Never-Ending Travels of WWE Superst

by Robert Caprio

True, or mostly true, stories of the road from: John Cena, Mark Henry, Teddy Long, Shannon Moore, Matt Hardy, The Hurricane, Dr. Tom Prichard, Molly Holly, Dave Hebner, Rico, Brooklyn Brawler, Kane, Jim "J.R." Ross, Ivory, Victoria, Goldberg, Tommy Dreamer, Al Snow, Steve Richards, Ric Flair, A-Train, Dean Malenko, Sgt. Slaughter, Chris Jericho, Edge, Chavo Guerrero, Coach, Rey Mysterio, D-Von Dudley, Jackie Gayda, and Big Show.

Genres: Nonfiction, Sports, Travel, Biography, Humor

240 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 1, 2005

Reviews

[BookMarc · Rating 4 out of 5]

There's that old adage that one should never judge a book by its cover and I tried very hard not too concerning this book. After all, what could be more hilarious than a front cover consisting of a grumpy looking Big Show on the back of a bike with Rey Mysterio driving it in a posed picture?!? Yep, almost everything up to and including Larry the Cable Guy and he makes me wish television had never been invented. Being a WWE fan however I felt the need to persevere into the unknown and actually give this book a try...for how bad could it actually be?
First off, I should mention this was first printed back in 2005 so a lot of the superstars whose stories appear in the book have either moved on to other wrestling organizations or have left wrestling altogether. For a lifelong fan like me that's no problem but if you're fairly new to wrestling, and think the PG era is how the WWE has always been, then you may not know many of the wrestlers who appear in this anthology of true tales of life on the road...Jazz, Chris Nowinski, Rico, Ivory??? They were all on the WWE roster back in 2005 but only the die hard fans like myself would probably be familiar with them nowadays.
The content of the book is broken down into ten individual chapters each of which showcases a certain aspect of life on the road which is something the WWE wrestlers are very familiar with. According to this book they spend over 240 days a year on the road travelling from one place to the next just to entertain us fans so you just know there's lots of stories to tell. These stories range from very funny (Rico comes to mind as does the story told by Coach), to amusing (three divas in a bed anyone?!?), to "why the hell was that included" (A-Train had me falling asleep) but I was pleased that last category was in the minority. I would have preferred the stories being told been to have been limited to a couple per superstar but, unfortunately, it's very top heavy in certain contributers which means a plethora of memories from Dr Tom Prichard (who I don't believe was actually on the active roster at the time but was working behind the scenes...in my mind that doesn't really qualify him as a superstar) and Al Snow but very few, sometimes none at all, from the real superstars of 2005 such as Undertaker, Kurt Angle, Shawn Michaels, HHH, Batista etc.
Scattered throughout the pages are candid photographs, taken on the road, of WWE superstars of the day. It was a cool concept and I only wish there had been more of them...particularly the divas but that's just a personal preference of mine.
Let me mention, if I may, the final chapter of this book. It deals exclusively with...erm, how do I put this? Let me just lay it out there! The whole of the final chapter is about Big Show's escapades taking a shit. Yes, an individual chapter devoted solely to a 7ft tall 485lb guy and his experiences of pinching a load in various places where the bathroom/toilet was too small to accommodate him. I will say no more.
I was fully expecting to grapple with this book but it surprised me and it turned out to be an enjoyable read and an interesting look behind the scenes of the the lives of WWE wrestlers. I learned a little more about the wrestlers real life personalities - for instance Randy Orton visits out of the way strip clubs just to have a laugh at how ugly the strippers are - and what it must be like constantly travelling from one city to the next on an almost daily basis. It seems far less glamorous than I would expect it to be.

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Most of the stories in this one were meh. For starters, Dr Tom Pritchard (WHO COULD CARE?) can't tell a story to save his life. And I'm pretty sure quite a few of these were WILDLY embellished, which strangely didn't make them better (looking at you, Big Show, Rico [who?] and Sgt Slaughter). Randy Orton comes out of this with his one story looking like a misogynist pig and all-around misanthrope...he should've just kept his mouth shut.

Just read "Rumble Road: Untold Stories from Outside the Ring" by Jon Robinson. The stories are funnier and better edited. And there's not a whole chapter on bathroom stories (what is it with wrestlers & poop?!?!?!).

[Max Engarde · Rating 4 out of 5]

Celebrities have some of the busiest schedules ever, moving from one place to another for filming different movies or series, participate in diverse projects or just get involved in certain shows. WWE wrestlers are no exception to this, and considering the huge amount of shows they run (weekly shows, PPVs, house shows, media appearances, etc...) they must have some crazy stories to tell for sure.

Ever wondered what wrestlers do on their spare time? How do they organize their schedule to fit so many shows? Getting food on the road? Who are their favorite travel partners? And what crazy celebrities have they found on their way to the next show? All these questions are some that are asked and answered in this collection of road stories by WWE wrestlers themselves.

The book is organized by topic acording to something that certain stories have in common, for example, there's a chapter with only "good" stories, other with "bad" stories, representing the good and bad aspects of being on the read, another chapter dedicated to food, and so on. These chapters are not that long, and they feel even more brief considering the stories are way shorter, from 1 page (really) to 10-18 pages long.

The selection of superstars is also quite good, even though many won't feel like "big names" they are wrestlers that have earned their place in the business and are legitimate workers, or at least, relevant figures.
Rey Mysterio, Big Show, Sgt. Slaughter, Hurricane, Lita, Golberg, Chris Jericho, Trish Stratus, Jeff and Matt Hardy, and Kane are some of the most relevant names you will hear from in this book.

Even though some stories feel stale and boring, just telling the wrestler's perspective on a certain topic, others are wild and full of personality, depicting unbelievable situations or insane tips and facts about the road. My favorite stories were without a doubt Rico's recognition on a plane by a stewardess, unchaining a totally incredible series of events, Trish Stratus' story involving Britney Spears? Al Snow's ribbing tips and anecdotes, Sgt. Slaughter's encounter with a former president, and of course Big Show's bathroom problems and mishaps that are just hilarious.

Outstanding, funny, witty and charismatic collection of tales that it's very light to read and goes by crazy fast since you can read one story at a time, so one page to the next feels as fast as can be; being comfortable and easy to read at anytime, anyplace (I literally finished it at the gym, mid workout). So much amusement that this book would make a great read and companion on a road trip like the ones depicted in the book, so much fun and flow that it certainly won't have you asking: Are we there yet?

[Ethan Korn · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book was fantastic because of all of the stories that are told. You would have never known any of these stories if it wasn't for this book. The wrestlers show very funny, and sometimes personal, stories about their time during WWE. Everyone may think that being a WWE wrestler is easy, but it isn't, and I know that now after reading this book. I loved everything about the book because the stories that I now know are very special to each wrestler that told them.

[Joe · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an easy read if you’re a wrestling fan. You’ll love the personal stories from great wrestlers such as Chris Jericho, Triple H, Victoria and even Al Snow (which Al has A LOT of stories in this lol). Nothing ground breaking or truly shocking as this is an officially licensed WWE book but a fun thing to read if you’re interested in hearing about life on the road, who is traveling with who and how life is like for the Big Show.

[Georgette Lallo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy read. Some funny stories. Great for a WWE fan.

[Dylan Bean · Rating 3 out of 5]

On the road again...I can't wait to get on the road again.

[Joe Stephenson · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good toilet read (I didn't read any of this on the t*ilet)

[Sarah Zaidi · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of the first non fiction books I ever read. Must have been around 10 years old

[Pulp_Fiction_Books · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 rounded up.

[Marianne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some of the tales are mildly amusing, but my stories are much more fun!

[Evan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Summer vacation season is in full swing! It is estimated that over two-thirds of Americans will be hitting the road this summer. Now that live audiences have returned, WWE Superstars are hitting the road as well; not for vacation, but for touring. To celebrate summer travel, the Literary Squared Circle blog reviews the book, Are We There Yet?: Tales from the Never-Ending Travels of WWE Superstars by Robert Caprio (Gallery Books, 2005).

Are We There Yet? is a collection of short stories about the travel experience of members of the WWE roster circa 2005. John Cena, Matt Hardy, Kane, Lita, Michael Cole, Ric Flair, Chris Jericho, Big Show, and dozens of others contribute stories to the book. Their stories are divided up into categories that include: “The Good…”, “The Bad…”, “and the Just Plain Bizarre”, “Back in the Day”, “Food”, and “The Bathroom”. It should be noted that “The Bathroom” section is authored by just one wrestler, Big Show. He describes the many complications which come with being a giant forced to use the small bathrooms in Japan.

Some of the stories will be familiar to long-time wrestling fans, but the majority are of the never-before-heard variety. There are all kinds of stories: funny, serious, touching, disgusting, etc. One funny story that stuck with me was Kane describing how he was given the key to the wrong room when he checked into a hotel. Still wearing his makeup from that night’s show, he opened the door to what he thought was his room, only to startle an elderly couple.

Another funny story had Trish Stratus being mistaken for Britney Spears. Other stories had wrestlers meeting various celebrities on the road. Sgt. Slaughter meeting former President Richard Nixon and Chris Jericho meeting Donald Sutherland are two that come to mind. There’s even a story from Paul Heyman about how, as a teenager, he befriended Freddie Blassie whom he cites as an inspiration to pursue a career in professional wrestling.

Ribs also play a major role in the book, and not in the “Food” section. Al Snow recounts ribs Marty Jannetty played on him during their travels. The Brooklyn Brawler remembers his time on the road with The Iron Sheik, who used fraudulent credit cards to pay for hotels, leaving Brawler stuck with the bills.

In addition to the amusing stories, serious topics are also addressed. Chavo Guerrero Jr. discusses missing his family while on the road in “The Sacrifice” chapter. Mark Henry discusses how much he misses his friend and former travel companion, the late Owen Hart in “The Fraternity” chapter. Finally, Ivory recounts the experiences of her and a few other Divas who were out on the road when 9/11 occurred, and the uncertainties they faced together while away from their loved ones.

Overall, Are We There Yet?: Tales from the Never-Ending Travels of WWE Superstars is a fun read. It would be a good book to throw into your bag as you set off on your summer vacation. It’s light summer reading; not fantastic, but not bad. I enjoy the stories from the road that wrestlers have to tell. Whether it’s the old-timers from the territorial days, who were often on the road 350 days a year or more, or the Superstars from 15 years ago who the book estimates were on the road 240 days a year. Their stories are always unique, and often very entertaining. If you like road stories, check out Are We There Yet?

3 Stars out of 5

[BCL Teen Librarians · Rating 4 out of 5]

Professional wrestling is a billion-dollar per year business traded on the New York Stock Exchange.

Vince McMahon, the impresario of the WWE, posited: “everything is scripted.” This was stated under oath, as he is currently on trial for conspiracy to distribute steroids. He further bleated, "We market ourselves as avant-garde and politically incorrect. Transgressing the norms of taste is essential."

Professional wrestling is a cartoon come to life. So-called 'wrestlers' are working class beef, jacked up on the gas (AKA steroids), playing out vapid scenarios under the klieg lights to a crowd that considers NASCAR drivers 'athletes.'

Hulk Hogan (AKA Terry Bollea) has stated that for 13 years he picked up his mail, paycheck and steroids at WWF Headquarters. These performers are sausages of tumescent muscle, festooned with the most ludicrous of personas, dressed in attire a drag queen would consider simply 'unhinged.' It would make Derrida turn pale.

It’s not a sport. It’s entertainment completely unhooked from reality, consumer culture at its most base. It's Baudrillard’s simulacra, a hermetically-sealed world, akin to Debord’s notion of the spectacle in full flight. It’s Charles Bukowski in tights, a shared mass-hallucination, completely alienated from any iota of genuine sport. Nothing is authentic. It's a powerfully-constructed triumph of the postmodern world; an iconographic presence; a dynamic flux where reality does not take place, let alone intrude. It's a self-referential psycho- geographic terrain of unmoored psychotic dispersions.

That said, this is about the backdoor. The business of the business, which is what it is all about in the end. This is about the journey. The routine of work. The dreary reality of business travel. Barnstorming. It's a hard way to make a living, coupled with its endless 'on the road' travel from one regional arena to another. Airports and airport motels. Plateful after plateful of tasteless American cuisine in a string of forgettable restaurants. Dingy bars with cheap, less-than-artistic "dance" as the entertainment. Divorced from home and loved ones for long periods, it tries the most patient and understanding of families. But what emerges are stories and travails of the stars who literally give their entire person over to a very peculiar form of entertainment to satisfy the fans' cravings for bread and circus. These are their stories, from the most guttural to the occasional moment of the heart, charting the way and what it takes to keep on going day after day after day. The camaraderie, the ribbing, the bizarre, the moments that make for stories that enter into myth and legend. These are, after all, large people, in every sense.

They are all here: Rey Mysterio, Teddy Long, Kane, Shannon Moore, Matt Hardy, Sgt. Slaughter, John Cena, Mark Henry, Ivory, Victoria, Edge, and more.

This charts it all. A must-read. I give it four coconuts.

--Rick

[Justin Sylvia · Rating 3 out of 5]

As usual i didn't really know what to expect from a book about road stories from the WWE superstars. But then again...i did sort of have high hopes, considering that i've been a fame of pro wrestling in all its different shapes/forms/storylines. etc since i was younger and in public school. There are definitely some VERY and i do mean very interesting stories in this book to be sure. There are a few like the ones about Big Show that i''d prefer not to know about considering that they had to do with his bathroom rituals. However...on the flip side of that coin i did enjoy some of the camaraderie that is shared when u all work for the same company and you have to be somewhere by a certain day, If i had to say which were my favorite stories, they would definitely be about the "Ribs" or practical jokes pulled on each other...just to keep each other entertained while on the long car trips. If you are a fan of pro wrestling in any shape or form, i would recommend this book to you irregardless.

[Sophie Crane · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an awesome collection of stories on the road told by some of my favourite WWE Superstars and I recommend it for anyone that loves a good road trip story.
One of the best stories is by Triple H when he fools a fellow wrestler into thinking he's gonna get arrested and another is by Jonathan Coachman who suffered a near-heart attack at the hands of Vince McMahon. And that's only two, D-Von Dudley, Trish Stratus and Rico have really funny stories aswell, there's even one that's not so funny concerning Matt Hardy and Lita that'll make you smart wrestling fans a little sad.
This book is highly enjoyable and is a must read for anyone who loves wrestling and/or hilarious travel stories.
Some Of The Stories have been Adapted On WWE Story Time on the WWE Network.

[Brittany · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved the stories in this book. They were so funny and even some of the pictures were. I loved this book so much. I owned and I just had to let my best friend and sister read it and find out how good it is for themselves. I loved the story about The Hardys, Edge, Christian, and Test about how Matt and Christian nearly walked into the airport with make-up on their face. That would have been a great ending to that tale. Too bad Christian and Matt discovered the make-up on their face while on the plane before they landed in the airport.

[Joseph · Rating 4 out of 5]

I saw this book on the shelf and I have always been a fan of WWE wrestling. When I was younger my Dad and I would always get tickets to go see them when they came to the Civic Center in Portland. I was a fun and great experience. When I was reading this book I really got thinking about the wrestlers entertainment lives and the lives they lived outside of the ring. When you watch them on tv or in person they seem like crazy individuals but when I read the book and read the stories about travels they are just a bunch or normal guys and girls that like to have a good time.

[Paul Schoenberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is about a series of stories from a wrestlers point of the view while they travel to perform. Reading this book feels like you're on the road with the superstars. I feel like a big part in a good book is when you feel that you are in the shoes of the person who is the narrator. Out of all the sports book I have read I felt this was the most personal book in which I could connect too. This book is for sure a good book that represents the WWE company very nicely.

[Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really good short read. Each story brings about the personality of each wrestler. I think this was done by writing down parts of their interviews. The stories do well in arising memories and emotions from your own experiences traveling. The introductions to each chapter did well in setting up the theme. My only complaint was they could have picked better photos and even included some color ones.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was filled with stories that happened to various wrestlers while on the road and behind stage during WWE shows.
I laughed hard reading some of these stories...they were hilarious and shows you how the atmosphere being around these guys is all the time.

[Jason Tolland · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fun idea, not that great in execution.

If you're a wrestling fan, give it a look as you'll get some funny stories from it. If you're not a fan, I wouldn't bother -- this won't sway your opinion one way or the other.

[Bela · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun read with fun road trip stories about fun wrestlers!

[Margherita]

Good book on the WWE superstars where you see the real person backstage and they tell stories from the road!

[Mr. Pease · Rating 3 out of 5]

Humorous insight into the day-to-day lives of your favorite wrestling stars. A quick, funny read for wrestling fans.

[Wendy · Rating 2 out of 5]

not bad some funny stories, any wrestling fan would like it

[TheDenizen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Kinda lame, these road stories are all decidedly PG. There's no dirt or juicy tidbits to be discovered.

[Dale · Rating 5 out of 5]

it was hilarious at some points

[Jody new]

i wont to read it!

[David Bowles · Rating 3 out of 5]

Readable book but not exactly overwhelming. Some funny stories but some just there to fill space.

[Dave Hofer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Too many boring "we got lost!" type stories.