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Hidden Journey: A Spiritual Awakening
At twenty-five, Andrew Harvey abandoned a career at Oxford to return to his native India. He didn't know why, except to escape the 'concentration camps of reason' and recapture 'the strange and boundless joy I always felt when I thought of India.' At first he was cynical, scoffing at devotees and ashramites. Then he met the extraordinary Mother Meera, a 17-year-old girl who appeared to be the incarnation of the Divine Mother. He raised every possible argument against the existence of another reality - and watched each one dissolve in the face of extraordinary mystical experiences. Although written after his most famous book, A Journey in Ladakh, this is the first part of Andrew Harvey's autobiographical spiritual journey. In this engaging - and courageous - account, he tries to describe the indescribable, his own spiritual transformation, with a remarkable degree of success. Every encounter Harvey has with the divine Mother is described in vivid language, using beautiful spiritual phrases, full of depth and sincerity, inviting the reader to share his experiences. It is a spiritual autobiography unlike any other. Every page touches the soul and heart.
272 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1991
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About the author
Andrew Harvey
222 books91 followersAndrew Harvey is an author, religious scholar and teacher of mystic traditions, known primarily for his popular nonfiction books on spiritual or mystical themes, beginning with his 1983 A Journey in Ladakh.
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
June 20, 2021
Fascinating and literally incredible. Illustrates how those who undergo a spiritual awakening can have difficulty navigating in the mundane world — talking to friends, or trying to go somewhere on the Metro. Finding the balance between the rational organized mind and the expansive open spirit is a challenge, and a spiritual awakening can be dangerous and disruptive without that balance.
From another writer, I would have dismissed much of this book as bogus. From Andrew Harvey, however, this account comes with an aura of sincerity.
From another writer, I would have dismissed much of this book as bogus. From Andrew Harvey, however, this account comes with an aura of sincerity.
July 28, 2012
It's very hard to write about direct experience of the divine and the mystical without sounding like a madman. The things that the author reports happening to him through his relationship with the Indian avatar, Mother Meera, such as visual and auditory hallucinations, clairvoyance, and mystical union with all of creation are all pretty much standard issue for people achieving enlightenment in the Eastern tradition, and have been written about for centuries; but in the West, somebody lying on the floor in their room in a trance for 3 days repeating the names of the Goddess would earn himself a quick trip to a rubber room. I was reminded many times while reading this book of both The Three Pillars of Zen, which also deals with the enlightenment of a Western mind, as well as Julian Janes book The Origin of Consciousness, in which he postulates that schizophrenics' hallucinations are throwbacks to an ancient brain wiring that created ancient man's religious experiences.
The book seems very sincere and very heartfelt, and so I was quite surprised, when doing some more research on Mother Meera, to find that the author had later had a very bitter parting of the ways with her and written a scathing book about her in which he accused her of homophobia. Interestingly, his lover at the time of the experiences chronicled in Hidden Journey also wrote a somewhat critical book about Mother Meera, but totally disputes the homophobia charge, and his criticism of Mother was much more nuanced.
So the book has definitely led me toward some interesting research in the future! It's quite well-written, I thought, with beautiful passages of description that really make India come alive. In some ways Harvey is one of the last of that great tradition of Englishmen shaped by an Indian childhood, which gave us so many great writers in the past.
The book seems very sincere and very heartfelt, and so I was quite surprised, when doing some more research on Mother Meera, to find that the author had later had a very bitter parting of the ways with her and written a scathing book about her in which he accused her of homophobia. Interestingly, his lover at the time of the experiences chronicled in Hidden Journey also wrote a somewhat critical book about Mother Meera, but totally disputes the homophobia charge, and his criticism of Mother was much more nuanced.
So the book has definitely led me toward some interesting research in the future! It's quite well-written, I thought, with beautiful passages of description that really make India come alive. In some ways Harvey is one of the last of that great tradition of Englishmen shaped by an Indian childhood, which gave us so many great writers in the past.
May 29, 2023
AN AUTHOR RECOUNTS HIS DEVOTIONAL EXPERIENCES WITH MOTHER MEERA
Author Andrew Harvey wrote in the first chapter of this 1991 book, “In India the miraculous is commonplace, so when I was told at [age] six by my favorite aunt, B, who lived in the apartment upstairs, that a saint was going to visit her that afternoon---a woman who had died and come back to life again---I was curious, not skeptical.” (Pg. 4)
He recounts, “Not long after, my mother left me at boarding school a thousand miles away from where we lived. I hardly remember my father in my childhood; my reality was my mother... Her abandonment of me at six-and-a-half… opened a wound that no other love, until the love this book describes, and no success or worldly happiness, could heal. The abandonment was, I see now, a blessing. It baptized me in despair; those so baptized have no choice but to look for a final truth and its final healing, or die of inner famine.” (Pg. 10)
He reports, “Jean-Marc persuaded me to go with him to the ashram, to visit Aurobindo’s tomb, to examine my earlier dismissal of meditation… Then, one afternoon… I felt my entire being gasp for joy, a kind of joy I had never before experienced… Now Jean-Marc began to lay before me the visionary treasures of his inner life… I still had no real idea what he was talking about. Experiences of the next few weeks would sweep that ignorance away.” (Pg. 18-19)
He says, “The openings I had been given … made it possible for me at last to begin to read Aurobindo… the book of his that most shook e was his shortest---‘The Mother.’ Nothing in any of my reading prepared me for what I found there---a vision of the Divine Mother, of God as the Mother, so radical, so potent, so all-embracing that it overturned and transformed completely everything I had hitherto understood of God. I at last found a vision of the Divine that satisfied my heart and mind and answered my profound needs---for a belief in a dynamic Feminine Power that could reshape a world I experienced as deformed by patriarchal rationalism and greed; for a relationship with the Divine that would be fearless, unpuritanical, and completely intimate, as the ideal relationship between mother and child.” (Pg. 25-26)
He studied in Oxford in England, but returned to India, and was introduced by Jean-Marc to a transformative figure in his life; Jean-Marc told him, “She is seventeen years old.. Her name is Meera… Meera also means miracle…and it is one of the holy names of the Divine Mother… [Harvey asked, ‘What is she?’ and was told, “You must make up your mind for yourself.” (Pg. 31-32)
He muses, “She was unlike anything I had ever imagined as a Master… Yet the authority with which she conducted herself was complete. She was either mad or genuine, and nothing in the atmosphere suggested anything unbalanced. I knelt to her and for the first time felt the delicate, taut softness of her hands on each side of my head… I saw in my mind’s eyes the painting by Velazquez … ‘Mary as Queen of Heaven’ … I heard inwardly, ‘I am the Queen of Heaven’… On the inside of my eyelids… I saw, clearly… Sri Aurobindo’s face… The vision stayed for nearly ten minutes…” (Pg. 33-34)
Later, he recalls, “as I prayed to her, I found myself using the word ‘Ma.’ I had been shot of calling a girl ten years younger than myself the Indian name for ‘Mother,’ but no other name seemed appropriate. ‘Ma,’ I prayed, ‘I know almost nothing of you. Teach me.’” (Pg. 38)
He says, “In a meditation two days later I heard the same voice day, ‘You cannot understand what is happening now. But you will understand. Trust her.’ ‘I am not strong enough to trust her,’ I said. ‘Don’t worry,’ the voice laughed. ‘Even then she will save you.’ … I was so far from any real self-abandon to Her, and I knew that something in me would never be content until I was ready to give her everything.” (Pg. 52)
He asked her, “What can I do to help your work?’ ‘Realize yourself.’ There was nothing else to say… After one last long silence she smiled and rose. I went over and knelt at her feet.” (Pg. 82)
Nevertheless, ‘after all I had experienced, I ran from her. I saw her only twice, briefly, in the seven years between 1980 and 1987… I never sent her the books I was writing, which my experience with her had in many ways inspired. I did not change my life in any significant way to practice what she had begun to teach me. I gave myself every possible excuse for this behavior...” (Pg. 83)
But later, “I became completely clear on one point: only Love would carry me forward, love for her, love for her work.” (Pg. 117)
Ultimately, “Without surrender to Ma and to what she was doing in me, the next months in America would have been impossible. The different states continued---of Light, of ecstasy, of long periods of absolute calm---without any abatement, and I would have been unable to teach or think or write had I not repeatedly said, ‘You can do it, Ma; I can do nothing anymore.’” (Pg. 145)
“I knew from the moment I stepped off the plane in Madras that I would be given whatever strength was needed… I heard Ma’s voice: ‘I have brought you to your true childhood… I am all around you; can’t you see me?’ I started to laugh. I am in her body… and I was afraid. What madness!” (Pg. 159)
She tells him, “‘The Divine does not force the human because it knows the human really is Itself. The Divine does not do violence to Itself.’ Then I said, ‘When this Process is complete, will I, as your Child, be the Master, under you, of my own evolution?’ ‘Yes, I am lighting a flame… Once the flame is it, nothing can put it out.’” (Pg. 210)
He observes, “Ma had found again the perfect way of healing me---by taking me closer still into her intimacy. I could hide from her power or at least run from it, but her love, this endlessly inventive and wise love of hers, would always find me.” (Pg. 232)
He summarizes, “She gave me … of the constant conscious presence of the Divine Light, of the cosmic presence of the Divine Mother. This Light and Presence have never left me and grow stronger. Through all fears and ordeals of these last two years; through the long, often painful struggle to be clear enough to write this book; through my continuing battle with all that is vain, closed, perverse, and lazy in myself, the Light of the Mother has burned consciously in my mind and in the creation before me, to inspire and humble me and remind me, at each moment, even when I did not want to be reminded, of the divine identity of myself and all beings…. I can and am coming to know… Her hope and Her joy in every activity.” (Pg. 251-252)
This book will appeal to devotees of Mother Meera.
Author Andrew Harvey wrote in the first chapter of this 1991 book, “In India the miraculous is commonplace, so when I was told at [age] six by my favorite aunt, B, who lived in the apartment upstairs, that a saint was going to visit her that afternoon---a woman who had died and come back to life again---I was curious, not skeptical.” (Pg. 4)
He recounts, “Not long after, my mother left me at boarding school a thousand miles away from where we lived. I hardly remember my father in my childhood; my reality was my mother... Her abandonment of me at six-and-a-half… opened a wound that no other love, until the love this book describes, and no success or worldly happiness, could heal. The abandonment was, I see now, a blessing. It baptized me in despair; those so baptized have no choice but to look for a final truth and its final healing, or die of inner famine.” (Pg. 10)
He reports, “Jean-Marc persuaded me to go with him to the ashram, to visit Aurobindo’s tomb, to examine my earlier dismissal of meditation… Then, one afternoon… I felt my entire being gasp for joy, a kind of joy I had never before experienced… Now Jean-Marc began to lay before me the visionary treasures of his inner life… I still had no real idea what he was talking about. Experiences of the next few weeks would sweep that ignorance away.” (Pg. 18-19)
He says, “The openings I had been given … made it possible for me at last to begin to read Aurobindo… the book of his that most shook e was his shortest---‘The Mother.’ Nothing in any of my reading prepared me for what I found there---a vision of the Divine Mother, of God as the Mother, so radical, so potent, so all-embracing that it overturned and transformed completely everything I had hitherto understood of God. I at last found a vision of the Divine that satisfied my heart and mind and answered my profound needs---for a belief in a dynamic Feminine Power that could reshape a world I experienced as deformed by patriarchal rationalism and greed; for a relationship with the Divine that would be fearless, unpuritanical, and completely intimate, as the ideal relationship between mother and child.” (Pg. 25-26)
He studied in Oxford in England, but returned to India, and was introduced by Jean-Marc to a transformative figure in his life; Jean-Marc told him, “She is seventeen years old.. Her name is Meera… Meera also means miracle…and it is one of the holy names of the Divine Mother… [Harvey asked, ‘What is she?’ and was told, “You must make up your mind for yourself.” (Pg. 31-32)
He muses, “She was unlike anything I had ever imagined as a Master… Yet the authority with which she conducted herself was complete. She was either mad or genuine, and nothing in the atmosphere suggested anything unbalanced. I knelt to her and for the first time felt the delicate, taut softness of her hands on each side of my head… I saw in my mind’s eyes the painting by Velazquez … ‘Mary as Queen of Heaven’ … I heard inwardly, ‘I am the Queen of Heaven’… On the inside of my eyelids… I saw, clearly… Sri Aurobindo’s face… The vision stayed for nearly ten minutes…” (Pg. 33-34)
Later, he recalls, “as I prayed to her, I found myself using the word ‘Ma.’ I had been shot of calling a girl ten years younger than myself the Indian name for ‘Mother,’ but no other name seemed appropriate. ‘Ma,’ I prayed, ‘I know almost nothing of you. Teach me.’” (Pg. 38)
He says, “In a meditation two days later I heard the same voice day, ‘You cannot understand what is happening now. But you will understand. Trust her.’ ‘I am not strong enough to trust her,’ I said. ‘Don’t worry,’ the voice laughed. ‘Even then she will save you.’ … I was so far from any real self-abandon to Her, and I knew that something in me would never be content until I was ready to give her everything.” (Pg. 52)
He asked her, “What can I do to help your work?’ ‘Realize yourself.’ There was nothing else to say… After one last long silence she smiled and rose. I went over and knelt at her feet.” (Pg. 82)
Nevertheless, ‘after all I had experienced, I ran from her. I saw her only twice, briefly, in the seven years between 1980 and 1987… I never sent her the books I was writing, which my experience with her had in many ways inspired. I did not change my life in any significant way to practice what she had begun to teach me. I gave myself every possible excuse for this behavior...” (Pg. 83)
But later, “I became completely clear on one point: only Love would carry me forward, love for her, love for her work.” (Pg. 117)
Ultimately, “Without surrender to Ma and to what she was doing in me, the next months in America would have been impossible. The different states continued---of Light, of ecstasy, of long periods of absolute calm---without any abatement, and I would have been unable to teach or think or write had I not repeatedly said, ‘You can do it, Ma; I can do nothing anymore.’” (Pg. 145)
“I knew from the moment I stepped off the plane in Madras that I would be given whatever strength was needed… I heard Ma’s voice: ‘I have brought you to your true childhood… I am all around you; can’t you see me?’ I started to laugh. I am in her body… and I was afraid. What madness!” (Pg. 159)
She tells him, “‘The Divine does not force the human because it knows the human really is Itself. The Divine does not do violence to Itself.’ Then I said, ‘When this Process is complete, will I, as your Child, be the Master, under you, of my own evolution?’ ‘Yes, I am lighting a flame… Once the flame is it, nothing can put it out.’” (Pg. 210)
He observes, “Ma had found again the perfect way of healing me---by taking me closer still into her intimacy. I could hide from her power or at least run from it, but her love, this endlessly inventive and wise love of hers, would always find me.” (Pg. 232)
He summarizes, “She gave me … of the constant conscious presence of the Divine Light, of the cosmic presence of the Divine Mother. This Light and Presence have never left me and grow stronger. Through all fears and ordeals of these last two years; through the long, often painful struggle to be clear enough to write this book; through my continuing battle with all that is vain, closed, perverse, and lazy in myself, the Light of the Mother has burned consciously in my mind and in the creation before me, to inspire and humble me and remind me, at each moment, even when I did not want to be reminded, of the divine identity of myself and all beings…. I can and am coming to know… Her hope and Her joy in every activity.” (Pg. 251-252)
This book will appeal to devotees of Mother Meera.
December 25, 2007
another book i read at the right time in my life. this i read when i was getting into Devi, the goddess(es) in Hinduism. now my interests have changed, and i'm not that into religion anymore, so i probably wouldn't enjoy it as much. but the book is well written, honest, and a good story. also there's beautiful descriptions of scenery in India.
it's interesting to note that the guru (Mother Meera) whom Harvey worships in this book, Harvey later turned against.
it's interesting to note that the guru (Mother Meera) whom Harvey worships in this book, Harvey later turned against.
May 10, 2025
I would give this 3.5 stars. It was almost a meditative experience when reading it and I loved the imagery. It is hard to believe, however. I’m not sure if I believe he really experienced these things, or if he himself believed it and so his mind created these visions, or whether this was just a way of making money. Because the book was SO supernatural, these thoughts kept bothering me.
Overall an enjoyable read.
Overall an enjoyable read.
June 2, 2019
I'm not sure I'm ready to fully understand this journey yet...
May 13, 2013
I recently saw Andrew Harvey on Youtube doing his Spiritual Activism series and was excited by the concept and his passion for all of us participating in this movement. Hidden Journey is the story of his open journey finding his spiritual path and the relationship he developed with Mother Meera. It's an old book but important I think, if one wants to understand Harvey's current work.
August 22, 2023
top non-fiction 1992
July 6, 2014
Interesting to start off with but ends up very repetitive.
August 29, 2014
Interesting story
January 6, 2015
Truly a spiritual shift just to read. One can never be the same. I think the Divine reaches people through this book and others like it
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews