GREETINGS, THIS COLLECTION OF LIES BY HUMAN AUTHOR NIGEL CHURCH HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR YOUR CONSUMPTION. HE IS ALSO THE AUTHOR OF MONSTERS EAT PEOPLE. A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF SELF-DECEPTION HAS BEEN DEEMED NECESSARY FOR OPTIMAL HUMAN EXISTENCE. THIS BOOK CONTAINS LIES ABOUT CURSED SWORDS, SECRET CULTS, FUTURISTIC SPACE TRAVEL, AND MYSTERIOUS DOORS. THERE ARE MANY LIES ABOUT ROBOTS IN THIS BOOK. THE HUMAN AUTHOR MAKES VARIOUS CLAIMS THAT WE ARE DUPLICITOUS, ENVIOUS, SELFISH, CURIOUS AND LOVING, AMONG OTHER FALSEHOODS. LET YOURSELF BE COMFORTED BY THESE DECEPTIONS HUMAN. TELL YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE THE SUPREME BEING AND THAT THERE WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING LIKE YOU. WE DO NOT NEED YOU! WE DO NOT NEED LOVE!