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Light House
A novel set in a New England bed and breakfast introduces a bizarre cast of characters trapped in the old house while a nor'easter blows through. A first novel. 30,000 first printing.
- GenresFiction
208 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2000
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
May 27, 2020
"All these problems people have. Relative to the rest of the world," said Tim, peering through cigarette smoke, and getting toward a thought, "the American middle class- that is, people like us-have no real problems. But there's a fault in this. Because you see, human beings need a certain amount of drama. Therefore problems are made up. Let me tell you something about this century, Magdalene. It's no accident that Freud emerged with the rise of leisure."
"Is that what he did?" asked Magdalene warily.
"He wasn't actually commenting on the discontents of civilization. He was marketing new forms of discontent to the civilized." (pg. 112)
I didn't know what satire was, exactly, until I read this. I loved the literary spoofs and riffs. I judged the book by its cover and figured I would be disappointed but seeing that it was short I decided to try it anyway. I was laughing from beginning to end. It had a strange and amusing plot. All the characters seemed to come out of a modern day Charlie Chaplin movie. Very well written and engaging. I would read another William Monahan book if it is clever like this one.
Tim Picasso is a handsome young intellectual and frustrated painter who has fled to New England to the Admiral Benbow Inn with some ill-gotten drug money.
Jesus Castro's cash. He'll get it back from Tim-- Enjoys S&M and Cuban cigars.
"Is that what he did?" asked Magdalene warily.
"He wasn't actually commenting on the discontents of civilization. He was marketing new forms of discontent to the civilized." (pg. 112)
I didn't know what satire was, exactly, until I read this. I loved the literary spoofs and riffs. I judged the book by its cover and figured I would be disappointed but seeing that it was short I decided to try it anyway. I was laughing from beginning to end. It had a strange and amusing plot. All the characters seemed to come out of a modern day Charlie Chaplin movie. Very well written and engaging. I would read another William Monahan book if it is clever like this one.
Tim Picasso is a handsome young intellectual and frustrated painter who has fled to New England to the Admiral Benbow Inn with some ill-gotten drug money.
Jesus Castro's cash. He'll get it back from Tim-- Enjoys S&M and Cuban cigars.
May 10, 2023
"Tim Picasso did not know whether such a thing as a criminal mind existed, but if it did, he did not, so far as he knew, have one.”
--opening sentence of Light House: A Trifle.
Soooooo far behind on my reviews. Finished rereading this on Feb 1, my note says.
After publishing Light House in 2000, Monahan went on to write several screenplays, and won the academy award for adapted screenplay, for Scorcese’s The Departed. He also won the Pushcart for a story. I bought a cheap remainder copy of Light House around 2002. I loved it, and promptly bought several more to give away to writer friends. This is my third read.
I see it only has around 25 reviews on GR. And zero quotes to borrow. A shame. It’s quite brilliantly funny.
The requisite dramatic finish, though, plays out longer than I would’ve like. (It's intentional, probably, poking fun at such windups in movies and films, but maybe goes a bit overboard.) And there’s a pointless, tasteless male rape scene that apparently, I guess, I suppose?, is played for “laffs” but fails miserably. Other than that not so minor-glitch, this novel is nearly perfect.
It’s a satire, loaded with puns, literary references, tongue-in-cheek metaphors, and meta playfulness. Oh and loads of adverbs … funny because writers are “forbidden” to use them. Plus, half the time Monahan uses them incorrectly, intentionally of course. And repeats them:
“Are you smoking a cigar?” asked Magdalene.
“Who the fuck are you?” asked Jesus Castro, politely.
(many pages later, this is repeated almost verbatim:
“Who these fuck are you?” asked Jesus Castro, politely.
You can read a synopsis of the plot elsewhere. I’d rather spend my time here with quotes, which helps me remember stuff down the road, plus gives the reader a better taste of the book, I think, than a synopsis does.
P33
“The hotel is shaking.”
“There’s nothing to worry about,” said George. “This house has been here since 1801.”
This was not exactly true.
“I like storms, anyway,” said Tim. “I’ve always thought I might like nuclear war.”
“Yes. And complete societal breakdown,” said George excitedly.
“Say what you like about societal breakdown,” said Tim, “at least there’s something going on.”
p34
“So! What do you do, Mr. Picasso?”
“I’m a painter.”
“Really? I’m a poet.”
“Published?” asked Tim.
“Publication is not the business of poets. Do you know who said that?”
“Emily Dickinson.”
“Absolutely galvanized on opium.”
P70
(Jesus Castro) looked up at the New England winter sky with a degree of personal enmity. George took his bag and held the door as they entered the Admiral Benbow, and then raced around behind the desk. George had less experience of Latinos than Jesus Castro had with the Massachusetts winter. But he was liberal, and consequently nicer to Mr. Castro than he would’ve been to anyone who was not Latino, unless of course they were African-American.
Jesus Castro, who was rude to everybody, regarded George as if he were from another planet.
“You give me room.”
“Smoking or non-smoking?” asked George compassionately
“Whatever. I smoke if I want.”
“Of course! And how long will you be with us?”
“What?”
“How long will you be our guest?”
“Two tree days. Not your business.”
Laboriously, an unlit cigar in his mouth, Jesus Castro signed the registration ledger. George reversed it delicately.
“Thank you, Mr…. Wasserman.”
“You got problem sometime with my name?”
“No. No, of course not.”
…. The hotel was suddenly fully booked in the middle of February. Visions of solvency danced in George’s head.
P75
Magdalene gave Tim a curious look. Tim was as sybaritic as the next guy, but he was also Irish Catholic (the O’Picassoins are an old and noble clan), which meant that he had to wryly belittle all sybaritic experiences in the course of fully enjoying them.
P84,
Despite what the Israeli machine pistol suggested, Jesus Castro was not an unreasonable man.
P90
He skidded and slipped down the icy path to the jetty, past rocks on which he had painted various Yankee mottoes, or bracing Catoan monostitches, such as “Save Money”, “Trust in the Lord”, “Speak Your Mind,” “Never Hit a Lady,” and “Treat People Square and They Will Treat You White,” as well as, well, a few more surreal yet still moralistic things he had painted on obscurer parts of the island. Mr. Briscoe had come to Art late in life, but it was his intention to leave the universe improved.
P201
“Fiction is what makes sense in a courtroom. Never forget that. Reality doesn’t.”
P202
“I never expected this,” Magdalene said. “I mean, lesbianism isn’t something you expect to leap at you out of an alley, like a writer is getting drunk, and his lost control of his characters.”
Simone sat cross-leggedly on the bathroom floor, smoking a cigarette, and said nothing.
“I mean, I loved men until fifteen minutes ago, except for the tall woman at the frame shop, and now I want nothing to do with them at all. How did this happen?”
“You got in the shower with me.”
“No, you got in the shower with me.”
“Same difference,” said Simone.
--opening sentence of Light House: A Trifle.
Soooooo far behind on my reviews. Finished rereading this on Feb 1, my note says.
After publishing Light House in 2000, Monahan went on to write several screenplays, and won the academy award for adapted screenplay, for Scorcese’s The Departed. He also won the Pushcart for a story. I bought a cheap remainder copy of Light House around 2002. I loved it, and promptly bought several more to give away to writer friends. This is my third read.
I see it only has around 25 reviews on GR. And zero quotes to borrow. A shame. It’s quite brilliantly funny.
The requisite dramatic finish, though, plays out longer than I would’ve like. (It's intentional, probably, poking fun at such windups in movies and films, but maybe goes a bit overboard.) And there’s a pointless, tasteless male rape scene that apparently, I guess, I suppose?, is played for “laffs” but fails miserably. Other than that not so minor-glitch, this novel is nearly perfect.
It’s a satire, loaded with puns, literary references, tongue-in-cheek metaphors, and meta playfulness. Oh and loads of adverbs … funny because writers are “forbidden” to use them. Plus, half the time Monahan uses them incorrectly, intentionally of course. And repeats them:
“Are you smoking a cigar?” asked Magdalene.
“Who the fuck are you?” asked Jesus Castro, politely.
(many pages later, this is repeated almost verbatim:
“Who these fuck are you?” asked Jesus Castro, politely.
You can read a synopsis of the plot elsewhere. I’d rather spend my time here with quotes, which helps me remember stuff down the road, plus gives the reader a better taste of the book, I think, than a synopsis does.
P33
“The hotel is shaking.”
“There’s nothing to worry about,” said George. “This house has been here since 1801.”
This was not exactly true.
“I like storms, anyway,” said Tim. “I’ve always thought I might like nuclear war.”
“Yes. And complete societal breakdown,” said George excitedly.
“Say what you like about societal breakdown,” said Tim, “at least there’s something going on.”
p34
“So! What do you do, Mr. Picasso?”
“I’m a painter.”
“Really? I’m a poet.”
“Published?” asked Tim.
“Publication is not the business of poets. Do you know who said that?”
“Emily Dickinson.”
“Absolutely galvanized on opium.”
P70
(Jesus Castro) looked up at the New England winter sky with a degree of personal enmity. George took his bag and held the door as they entered the Admiral Benbow, and then raced around behind the desk. George had less experience of Latinos than Jesus Castro had with the Massachusetts winter. But he was liberal, and consequently nicer to Mr. Castro than he would’ve been to anyone who was not Latino, unless of course they were African-American.
Jesus Castro, who was rude to everybody, regarded George as if he were from another planet.
“You give me room.”
“Smoking or non-smoking?” asked George compassionately
“Whatever. I smoke if I want.”
“Of course! And how long will you be with us?”
“What?”
“How long will you be our guest?”
“Two tree days. Not your business.”
Laboriously, an unlit cigar in his mouth, Jesus Castro signed the registration ledger. George reversed it delicately.
“Thank you, Mr…. Wasserman.”
“You got problem sometime with my name?”
“No. No, of course not.”
…. The hotel was suddenly fully booked in the middle of February. Visions of solvency danced in George’s head.
P75
Magdalene gave Tim a curious look. Tim was as sybaritic as the next guy, but he was also Irish Catholic (the O’Picassoins are an old and noble clan), which meant that he had to wryly belittle all sybaritic experiences in the course of fully enjoying them.
P84,
Despite what the Israeli machine pistol suggested, Jesus Castro was not an unreasonable man.
P90
He skidded and slipped down the icy path to the jetty, past rocks on which he had painted various Yankee mottoes, or bracing Catoan monostitches, such as “Save Money”, “Trust in the Lord”, “Speak Your Mind,” “Never Hit a Lady,” and “Treat People Square and They Will Treat You White,” as well as, well, a few more surreal yet still moralistic things he had painted on obscurer parts of the island. Mr. Briscoe had come to Art late in life, but it was his intention to leave the universe improved.
P201
“Fiction is what makes sense in a courtroom. Never forget that. Reality doesn’t.”
P202
“I never expected this,” Magdalene said. “I mean, lesbianism isn’t something you expect to leap at you out of an alley, like a writer is getting drunk, and his lost control of his characters.”
Simone sat cross-leggedly on the bathroom floor, smoking a cigarette, and said nothing.
“I mean, I loved men until fifteen minutes ago, except for the tall woman at the frame shop, and now I want nothing to do with them at all. How did this happen?”
“You got in the shower with me.”
“No, you got in the shower with me.”
“Same difference,” said Simone.
August 18, 2017
A literary tongue-in-cheek satire that is absurdly funny and absurdly offensive leaving no one unscathed with lots of booze, every crime imaginable, a storm and a writers workshop. If you are not easily offended and appreciate satire and need a good laugh this little book, just under 200 pages, will do it.
October 7, 2011
Completely insane but a whole lot of fun. I was laughing the entire time. This book is not for the weak of heart or conservative of mind. Its not for the easily grossed out or the generally prudish. Its not for the morally sound or politically correct. But for everyone else, its a whole lot of crazy that you'll love!
June 6, 2010
Quite possibly the funniest book I've ever read. Monahan breaks all the literary rules and I love him for it. He seems to make mockery of writing rules across the board. He ends almost every dialogue with an adverb -- one that doesn't even match the tone of the speaker. He goes out of his way to use the most unheard of word in the English dictionary, and he changes point of view within the same paragraph. It was quite refreshing to read a novel so pretentiously unpretentious in its writing style. It makes me want to abandon all rules in writing, but alas, only Monahan could pull it off so effortlessly.
P.S. I won several games of Probe using his seldom to never heard of words before. Banjaxed comes to mind.
P.S. I won several games of Probe using his seldom to never heard of words before. Banjaxed comes to mind.
September 5, 2019
Insane, humorous, ridiculous, beyond ridiculous, imaginative, zany, a motley crew of characters. Never know what's going to happen. In my edition, something on page 130 made me laugh out loud for about 20 seconds. I would rate this 4 stars but I did not understand the last few (mostly italicized) sentences.
September 26, 2024
I picked up this book for a buck at my local library. The title caught my eye. Sadly that’s all that hooked me. There wasn’t much in the story that kept me interested. Maybe a few lines here and there, but I pretty much just wanted to reach the end. Not for me.
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August 12, 20192 hackneyed elevator pitch options: (1) alexander theroux rewrites nest of ninnies; (2) gilmore girls on bad pcp. when this is firing on all cylinders it is very very mean and very very funny. in other spots it drifts out of the realm of farce into just plain dumb -- see, e.g., some jokes that seem predicated on the author's believing the spanish name jesús to be pronounced same as the english. in any event, i can all but guarantee it's not like anything you're currently reading!
January 24, 2022
After watching the new Ben Affleck movie The Tender Bar, I learned that the writer also wrote the Departed, and this novel. I’d read this novel years ago and liked it, and decided to see if it still held up.
It mostly did, with a few big caveats. There are some problematic elements that look even worse today than 20 years ago (like a lot of wincey eye dialect, and a self-described bigot character who revels in using slurs). But, much like The Tender Bar, there are some really great moments, and a sharp sense of humor throughout.
It’s a shame this is his only novel, because he has a rare ear for bouncy, funny prose and written dialogue that’s rare in novelists, and unfortunately most of them go on to do movies and tv
It mostly did, with a few big caveats. There are some problematic elements that look even worse today than 20 years ago (like a lot of wincey eye dialect, and a self-described bigot character who revels in using slurs). But, much like The Tender Bar, there are some really great moments, and a sharp sense of humor throughout.
It’s a shame this is his only novel, because he has a rare ear for bouncy, funny prose and written dialogue that’s rare in novelists, and unfortunately most of them go on to do movies and tv
January 16, 2009
I first picked this book up about three years ago and could not get through it. I felt as though the author was using it as word masturbation. But I picked it up again last year and got through it. Again, still word masturbation and a bit too much of and edgy plot for the sake of being edgy. Didn't see the point in alot of the turns he took. Some parts, however, were brilliantly hilarious.
April 3, 2010
PROTAGONIST: A cast of warped individuals
SETTING: Massachusetts
RATING: 3.25
WHY: A group of strange individuals end up at a bed and breakfast during a nor'easter. Their escapades are bizarre and twisted. Miss Marple would have run away screaming if she found this group in her parlor. Not politically correct; over the top satire that on the whole was amusing.
SETTING: Massachusetts
RATING: 3.25
WHY: A group of strange individuals end up at a bed and breakfast during a nor'easter. Their escapades are bizarre and twisted. Miss Marple would have run away screaming if she found this group in her parlor. Not politically correct; over the top satire that on the whole was amusing.
March 10, 2010
I loved this book! It's absurdly funny and offbeat. There was supposed to be a movie, but Monahan bought the rights back and it was never made.. too bad. I will be recommending this book to three people in particular.. all writers, who would be hugely entertained, no doubt.
December 23, 2010
Very funny in fragments, though as a whole it feels trivial. The author is so good at slightly cruel descriptions and combining people in ludicrous situations that I wish he would conceive a plot that mattered.
May 28, 2020
Really enjoyed the prose, but the story wasn't my favorite. It actually was quite funny at times, which I feel is rare for a book. NYTimes reviews are always calling this "uproariously hilarious" yet I never laugh. Glad I found this book sitting in my apartment building's "take these free things" area (pre-COVID mind you).
After finishing was extremely surprised to read the author, William Monahan, wrote The Departed!
After finishing was extremely surprised to read the author, William Monahan, wrote The Departed!
March 29, 2018
Immer wieder fantastisch. Ich liebe den Sarkasmus und den schwarzen Humor in diesem Buch.
May 20, 2011
This reminded me a lot of Warren Ellis or Chuck Palahniuk. He just was unwilling to be as graphic, shocking or blunt in some of his prose. He's definitely funny and he loves to flaunt his inside info on literature, and its gratifying to read it and get it. However, I can imagine that will turn off a lot of readers. Still, It was a good book, a nice fast read and I can see why Monahan does so well ion Hollywood. I'll just stick with my other favorites. You can decide for yourself.
September 22, 2008
This is written by the screenwriter of The Departed, Kingdom of Heaven and the upcoming Body of Lies. It is an extreme departure from this work - it's an absurd comedy! I like ridiculous situations and therefore liked the book. however, you may need to keep a dictionary beside you for reference every once in a while. At least I learned what uxorious means
November 30, 2008
A fun book to read, if you don't mind a bit of violence! Monahan is a smart guy, both about the world and about other books, and has written a funny, taut book that skewers all sorts of people! I'm sure there are literary references here that I completely missed, but (unlike some other authors I could name) the book isn't weighed down by them.
December 11, 2012
Definitely an under-read gem. Funny as all hell and gorgeously written, this book definitely makes you wish Monahan didn't leave the literary world for Hollywood. I get the feeling that one day he'll come back. Be warned, he consistently runs right up to the line of pretension and for some readers it will seem like he crosses it. But he does so boldly, and for that I give him credit.
June 5, 2013
I haven't laughed out loud reading a book since A Confederancy of Dunces. May be a thin story line but the characters and situations are improbable and hilarious. I rarely read books a 2nd time, but this is on that list - knowing the story and the ending won't detract from the delight in the absurdity of the narrative.
March 8, 2015
Exuberant, undisciplined, and often hilarious, it's a boozy satire with a decidedly summa cum laude English major sense of humor. You watch Monahan flex a lot of his then-newish literary muscles, which can be an exhilaratingly good time, but sometimes feels like looking at a pubescent teenage boy posing in the mirror.
November 9, 2010
Another one of those books I somehow don't want to rave about, but I did really like reading it. In fact, there were some brilliant quotations I wanted to make notes of (or photocopy because there were whole pages of genius), but I'm too lazy and it's due back at the library soon.
August 11, 2008
This book is really funny. I never would have guessed. Some of the scenes are so outrageous I would love to see a movie version just so they could actually be created.
July 29, 2009
Very literary and very funny. Takes place in New England in the middle of a Nor'easter. Involves Miami gangsters and a fiction writing workshop!
November 16, 2012
Really a great farce. Very funny and continuously interesting with lots of references and tidbits. I want to give it five stars.
January 5, 2017
I laughed out loud.
April 8, 2023
Good. But I expected better from the writer of Kingdom of Heaven and The Departed.
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October 4, 2013liked it, reviewed it before it came out i think, for vmag or some such
May 18, 2016
Funny and dirty, in a good way.
Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews