Journey to a Woman

Beebo Brinker #4

by Ann Bannon

Would she throw away her entire life on the one wild chance that she might find the lost woman out of her past?

It began all over again with the sudden startling dream of Laura. Now Beth was amazed to find herself streaking back into the past.

Genres: Fiction, Queer, LGBT, Lesbian, Romance, Pulp, Classics

223 pages, Paperback

First published November 30, 1959

About the author

Ann Bannon (pseudonym of Ann Weldy) is an American author and academic. She is known for her lesbian pulp novels, which comprise The Beebo Brinker Chronicles and earned her the title "Queen of Lesbian Pulp Fiction."

Bannon was featured in the documentaries Before Stonewall (1984) and Forbidden Love: The Unashamed Stories of Lesbian Lives (1992)

Reviews

[Tara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not my favourite, but I still liked and appreciated it. A MUCH easier read than Women in the Shadows.

[Bandit · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an absolutely fitting and fairly perfect ending (this is technically book #4, but logistically/chronologically the last one, since #5 is a prequel) to the Beebo Brinker chronicles, oddly enough named for a character that doesn't even make an appearance until the second book, but somehow ends up the heart of the whole thing. The denizens of Ann Bannon's books are unique in a way that they are often difficult, tough to love, but easy to care about and always easy to understand because Bannon does such a superb job of really guiding the reader through the inner workings of her character's brains and hearts that it's impossible not to get emotionally involved. In this book it's fascinating to see how the characters have matured and changed. Although indisputably Beebo Brinker Chronicles are a very important work of lesbian fiction, it shouldn't be boxed in as such, since it deals such a universally relatable topics as self discovery, loves lost and found and lives that one couldn't have predicted for themselves. From one chapter to the next it ranges from utterly depressing and devastating brutality of life and human cruelty to shockingly tender kindness and hope. Bannon certainly makes love sound like a very dangerous proposition, but at the same time it is one's greatest aspiration. Highly recommended.

[Olivia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank goodness for the calm, redemptive arc at the end of this series.

[Phoebe · Rating 5 out of 5]

i cried through so much of journey to a woman, which admittedly i did through the other three too. the thing that always gets me about the beebo series is how lonely they are. i read a blurb (somewhere, because my copy of journey to a woman doesn't have a back blurb lol) that made me think journey to a woman was gonna be a fun love triangle jaunt, forgetting my OWN rules about reading the beebo series, which is to leave all romance tropes at the door and buckle in for a sad ride!!!! the beebo series always circles around how difficult it is to carve a life for yourself at the fringes of society, and journey to a woman continues that theme by saying that you won't always succeed but it will always be worth it to try and keep trying.

beth was my favorite character in odd girl out and her reappearance was so amazing and heartbreaking. i felt for her so much. beth is a woman who doesn't know herself and is desperately unhappy with the life she's created. she seeks laura out because she thinks laura can tell her who she is and what to do with herself, only to find out that laura is a real person herself, who won't react the way she wants her to. beth thinking to herself “It was a question which was worse: the endless wondering about herself or knowing the truth and having the truth be ugly and selfish and pitiful,” and "She had given her children up on a gamble, in the hope that she might someday find something else, something that would mean more to her. But she hadn't found that something yet and it scared her to feel herself suspended between two worlds, belonging to neither. And she had done it all, deliberately, to herself." sum up the book very well!!! beth finds herself at a pivotal precipice and has to decide for herself who she is and what she wants, and i think the book captures so well the real peril of that. choosing to follow her desire and find out who she is literally means cutting herself off from everyone she knows and loves, and if things go badly, she's all alone in a city where no one will help her. this book comes back to a theme from earlier books, that because of societal homophobia relationships in the village can be shallow, and without a grounding counterpart for beth like laura had jack, it feels all the lonelier. at multiple points beth reflects that she may have given up her whole life only to find nothing on the other side for her in new york. and yet, she can't go back to her husband and kids, because she can't go back to forcing herself to be something she's not. beth walking off into the streets of new york hand in hand with beebo at the end, perhaps the happiest ending of any beebo brinker book, is the book's way of saying beth did the right thing leaving charlie, that even if she questions that decision in moments of crisis later in life, she was right to do it and she's better off for it.

Potentially Controversial but i felt so much sympathy for vega i find it hard to criticize too much her place in the novel. in the beebo series i think bannon manages to always create such fully realized, complex characters even if the narrative or the other characters don't always care about that complexity. i think beth treated vega like shit, but i still felt like vega was a fully fleshed character who was traumatized not by her body but by the way people treated her because of her body. if this book were published in 2021, i think the way she's talked about (her "mutilations") would be incredibly fucked up; as is, i try to look at the beebo series as a collection of at times fucked up at times beautiful but always fully human and complex thoughts. idk i felt very real sympathy and pain for vega, her life, and how she was treated by other characters, not pity for her looks and in that way i think bannon succeeded in the portrait of her.

[Christina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gosh, I just love these books. I think it’s so cool to have a thoroughly authentic 1950s view of gay life. I thought this book was a lovely way to finish out the series, and I can’t even imagine how many people it helped, with its happy-ish ending, during a time when to be gay was immoral, perverted, and illegal.

I love the development of Beth’s character in this one. I loved Beth in Odd Girl Out and I was really happy to see her return. I thought Beth’s relationship with Charlie seemed really authentic and Bannon really captures what it’s like to break up with your husband/boyfriend because you’re gayer than you thought. I like that she kept Beth’s bisexuality an open question, even though I suspect back then that bisexuality was probably even less visible.

I also appreciate that Bannon chooses to show ALL sides of the characters (particularly Beth), all the uncharitable thoughts, selfish actions, using of others AND the intelligence, sensitivity, love, and growth.

Beth and Laura being able to be with each other, in a way, was a huge relief for me. I just needed a win, and while I wanted them to get back together, I thought the way that it ended seemed more realistic. And it captured something that I’ve found to still be true in the gay community, and that is that you often become friends with exes. That truly is something I love about being a queer woman and it just delighted me to see that this has always been a “thing.” And you’ll recognize lots of other things that have now become standard lesbian stereotypes: u-hauling, dates that last 3 days, the alcoholism. Here is where those stereotypes came from!!

The first section and the subplot with Vega was pretty boring and repulsive but it did set it up to be much more exciting later. Plus, someone had to pay for being gay and I couldn’t have stood it if it were one of the main characters and I’m sure that Bannon knew that was true. Overall, I loved this book and this series. Thank you, Ann Bannon, for saving so many.

[Gina Rheault · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty good book, published in 1960, and with a 1950's feel, because everyone uses landlines and payphones and writes letters. Full of lusty, often nasty women engaged in the many manifestations of lesbian experience: within a heterosexual marriage, within a pseudo-heterosexual marriage, in a college roommate setting, in a dysfunctional family. A classic bad ending for at least one character, and a tumult of pleadings, reconciliations, and resolutions for the others.

Funniest line, in the middle of a deep self-relevatory scene between Beth and Beebo, discussing loneliness:
"....I had a couple of dogs once. Dachsunds. They helped for a while. But they died."
"I'm sorry."
"Actually, they were --- killed."
"....Beth sensed a whole story... but she dared not press Beebo for it."

And neither would I.

Part of the Beebo Brinker series (#4), I read it in parallel with "Beebo Brinker" and finished this book first.

[Malum · Rating 4 out of 5]

The series comes full circle and has a satisfying, if not ironic, conclusion.

[Lili · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s nice to have a happy ending.
The three books before this were full of misery and their endings left me feeling depressed, but Journey to a Woman was a delight.
There was plenty of tragedy and heartache but it was for all the right reasons, for self growth, for love.
I’m sorry to have hated Beth in Odd Girl Out, and I’m sorry to have hated Beebo and Laura in Women in the Shadows.
Everybody has grown so much since those stories and it feels real, their growth is real and I can’t find it in me to hate them for the past.
I love these three girls who have taught me so much, not only about what life was like for a lesbian at the time, but about myself too.
I’m very excited to read the prequel but it is with a sadness that Journey to a Woman is the end of their journeys with me. Ann Bannon says Beebo and Beth live on happily together but I’ll never know them through that chapter. I can only hope they lived a long and happy life in the village and that it all turned out okay.

[Amy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Listen, I hate this damn book. I hate the fact that Ann decided to destroy most of the characters—Jack and Laura and etc—put them through the most craziest and depressing shit. I’m sorry, she was a good writer before this book and other previous one she published. But this and previous book before that felt a hard kick in stomach and filled that “Being Gay is miserable!!!!!!!!!!”. I’m sorry Bannon, but you should’ve known and done better.

I..I can’t sum up the words of how disappointed I am. Listen, read these lesbian pulps if you want, but there are just better and more positive portrayals of lesbianism and the gay life out there.

I’ll probably somewhere else about this book but this book drained me so I’ll be off for now.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Amazing. I am heartbroken to have reached the end. But, what a wonderful end it was.

[phoebe · Rating 3 out of 5]

my first foray into lesbian pulp. all i can say is that was wild.

[Abigail Espinal · Rating 5 out of 5]

The final entry (chronologically) in Ann Bannon’s famed Greenwich Village lesbian pulp-fiction series grabs you by the throat and never let’s go! I was fully invested in this roller-coaster of a finale from page one. Seriously, I read the entire novel, which is by far the longest entry in the series, in a total of two days; I was reading non-stop. The conclusion of Beebo Brinker, Laura Landon, and Beth Cullison’s remarkable love triangle—which I should add spans nine whole years—is riveting, thrilling, swoon worthy, and ultimately features the most satisfying ending to boot. This novel stars Beth, a character last seen in the first novel “Odd Girl Out”, on a journey of self-discovery to find Laura, her long lost college lover, only to fall head over heels with Beebo Brinker along the way. Beth’s development throughout is sensational, a precedent for female characters even today. Other than the normal out-of-date references (although I was shocked to find this novel the most “PC” of the bunch, going as far as to properly portray the idea of bisexuality), “Journey to a Woman” is a delightful ending to a series which I have quite literally devoted two entire months of my life investing in. And I must say: it was totally worth it. There’s a reason Bannon’s books remain celebrated amongst the lesbian community to this day; these are fantastic representations of queer living in the 1950s and 1960s. Not to mention Bannon’s prose is perfection come to life: “…a lot of strange things have been done in the name of love. In the search for love. And for the love of women. Crazy, silly, unreasonable things, some of them. You’ve just made a journey across the continent to find yourself. But the real journey was into your own heart.” A sentiment we all can take to the grave and beyond. Thank you, Ann Bannon, for sharing your beautiful words with the queer world to hold onto forever. Virtual applause and hugs from us all!

(PS: one of the best parts of this novel is that you can pick it up without any prior knowledge of books two and three, both of which I did not particularly enjoy. In essence, reading “Beebo Brinker”, “Odd Girl Out”, and “Journey to a Woman” makes for the perfect lesbian pulp trilogy! Happy reading!)

[Briana Shoemaker · Rating 1 out of 5]

Listen, I hate this damn book. I hate the fact that Ann decided to destroy most of the characters—Jack and Laura and etc—put them through the most craziest and depressing shit. I’m sorry, she was a good writer before this book and other previous one she published. But this and previous book before that felt a hard kick in stomach and filled that “Being Gay is miserable!!!!!!!!!!”. I’m sorry Bannon, but you should’ve known and done better than this.

I..I can’t sum up the words of how disappointed I am. Listen, read these lesbian pulps if you want, but there are just better and more positive portrayals of lesbianism and the gay life out there. Historical context or not, there’s so many well-written books out there that don’t rely on toxic tropes or relationships.

I’ll probably vent somewhere else about this book but this book drained me so I’ll be off for now.

(I posted this review on my other account sorry. I’m taking it down)

[Wendy Rouse · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this 1960 novel, Ann Bannon tells the story of Beth Ayers and her journey to reunite with her former lover Laura. In the process, Beth discovers her true self. Fleeing her husband and children, Beth sets out on a search to find her college love and decide for herself whether or not she is a lesbian. This is the 5th book in Bannon's series known collectively as The Beebo Brinker Chronicles. In the 1950s and 1960s, authors rarely gave lesbian and bisexual women happily ever after stories. Bannon's books are noteworthy for their generally positive depiction of lesbian and bisexual women during an era in which LGBTQ representation was generally poor.

[Chloe · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I first learned about the Beebo Brinker chronicles in my queer lit course I was truly astonished that they had not been made into some sort of period piece dramady tv show. Beebo is like my lesbian transmasc superhero, this is my MCU!!! Anyway in this 4th of 5 books Beth comes back and is at times the most sympathetic and unsympathetic character you’ve ever read, like…as a dyke with a hyper femme body I understand her but also she’s a selfish childish brat and from the a readers omnipotent view you can tell what she’s trying to do (absolve herself from sin and take refuge in a memory) but it’s over all a fun novel.

[Shoshanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

More lesbian tsuris. This is less sad than the previous one but still pretty devestating. Probably still a realistic representation of the difficulties of being gay, especially being a gay women, in the pre Stonewall. Interesting to hear how things have been going with Beth and to hear the difficulties of being a queer woman extracting yourself from a straight marriage and all its trappings.

I feel like the overall theme of all these books so far is about the hiddenness of so many women's lives.

[kit · Rating 4 out of 5]

bro why was this actually so good!! it had all the thrill of i am a woman but felt far more mature, and appropriately so. the beginning dragged somewhat, but once we got to new york it picked up and barrelled towards the ending. i can't think of anything coherent to say other than that laura throwing a glass of water in beth's face and doing her best impression of cher in moonstruck (1987) is my favourite thing to happen in the series.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a pretty nice conclusion to the series, all things considered. With resolution where the stories of Beebo, Laura and Beth are concerned. Beth is pretty insufferable a lot of the time, but that's kind of the point. She's got nothing at all figured out, at the outset. And she needs to do a lot of growing up (way too late). Not my favourite in the series (that would be I Am a Woman). But a lot more satisfying than Women in the Shadows (which is largely just depressing).

[en · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.3/5

beth you are beloved to many. her journey of trying to discover who she “really was” felt like a whirlwind of a journey and it just felt very in character for beth. like ofc she is gonna be feeling all these things after submitting to a housewife lifestyle she doesn’t enjoy. the progression of beth’s desperation was written so well like its too good. RHAHRHRJEJE i could go on and on

[J.Rats · Rating 5 out of 5]

Penúltimo libro de la saga Beebo Brinker. Puro drama lésbico, y definitivamente mi saga pulp favorita. Las storylines y plot twists son dignos de serie de HBO y todavía no entiendo cómo no se ha adaptado a televisión!

Le doy: tres paquetes de cotufas 🍿🍿🍿y todos los arcoíris 🌈🌈🌈🌈

[Lee England · Rating 4 out of 5]

Small spoilers:

Had a lot of fun reading but so very dated. Would love to rewrite the horrific treatment of Vega and all of the talk about her disabled body being repulsive and not “womanly” enough.

Amazing for its time though

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

it may not be the best written but 1. what do i know and 2. it is absolutely wild and honestly i thoroughly enjoyed from start to finish. and the ending was very sweet

[audrey lambert · Rating 5 out of 5]

i wasn’t prepared for the end god but it was so good !

[A R · Rating 3 out of 5]

beth is very unlikable. sheesh.

[Laurereveal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Officially finished the Beebo Brinker chronicles, and I never got used to that being her name!

[Pamela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bannon wrote these books, which span about 14 years in fictional time, in actual chronological time of about 6 or 7 years. I sometimes wonder if she lived twice as long in her head than she did in real life. It was this book that made me wonder that.

Published in 1960, Journey to a Woman brings back Beth, who was the object of Laura Landon's affections from Bannon's first book, Odd Girl Out. Beth has been married for years and has two children and comes to the harrowing realization that she has made the wrong decision in her life. She becomes consumed with finding Laura again, and leaves her husband and her children, as well as a physically and emotionally fragile woman who develops a fixation on her, in order to do it. She finds Laura eventually, after making her way to Greenwich Village, but that "nerve tortured cautious girl" Bannon showed us in the first two books has turned into a woman who used her experiences to develop a calm and warm widsom that Beth does not expect. Beth also meets Beebo Brinker who is also older and wiser, and it is with Beebo that she realizes a truer connection.

Bannon has been asked if it's Beth she's most like. And she's responded yes, and no. Bannon admitted that Beth is the most autobiographical character, but that she would never have left her children, and indeed, did not. It was this book that Gene Damon (Barbara Grier) from The Ladder was the most impressed with of the series. But it was also Beebo Brinker from this book that Damon claimed as the protagonist and the hero. I disagree. The saga of Beth and Laura continues in this book to present the inevitable evolution of relationships we must all experience. My earnest hope is that Bannon's characters and her readers all developed the same self-knowledge and wisdom to come out of life's sometimes awful situations as better, stronger people.

Read about Bannon's own journey here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ann_Bannon (I wrote it...)

[Mel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the last book chronologically of Bannon’s lesbian pulps. It’s interesting to see how now the village (in 1960) is already starting to fade from its glory days and the gay bars are turning into tourist traps. While much less of this book takes place in the village it still very much feels like it captures the feel of the place and the time. This book features Beth from the first book regretting her marriage and wondering if perhaps she really is a lesbian after all. I skipped reading the first book in this series about Laura and Beth in college (as I’d rather read about women in New York than sororities) so while hearing much about the mythical Beth in the other stories this was the first time I’d seen her as a character. I felt so sorry for her, the first half of the book was how being a housewife in California in the 50s really sucked! In a way her break for freedom and her attempt to find Laura and herself were quite surprising. It was more shocking the way that she was forced to give up her children, and never looked back. It was good to see that 6 years later Laura and Jack were still happy in their odd little platonic relationship, nice to see an older and wiser Beebo. I do enjoy these books so much, Bannon has a way of writing that is very dramatic and emotional but also very honest. The people that litter these pages seem real, and their lives are touching and very much still relevant today. I think, despite being set in a sorority I am going to have to read the first book of this series, as it’s so wonderful and tragic I just want to see it all.

[Luna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Of all the books about homosexuality/lesbianism, this has to be the most realistic. Despite being written over fifty years ago, it is so much more true to life than books written in the 21st century. Beth can easily be seen as a true person- she only likes her husband as a friend, she hates her children, she is lost within her sexuality. There were certain aspects that I found difficult to swallow, such as Vega holding Beth at gunpoint all night, but beyond that, I really enjoyed it.

I felt Bannon lost her touch when Laura and Beth rekindled. I like that Beth's memory of her was tainted, and that Laura wanted nothing to do with her. I enjoyed that Beth and Laura's romance didn't continue on- with the whole realistic version of the book. Not all romances can be reignited after ten years have past. I'm not sure if I liked Beth moving onto Beebo, but in saying that, their relationship moved a lot slower than I find most lesbian novel relationships do. They took time to know one another, and have a friendship before hopping into the sack.

On that note, I found it strange that Beth would suddenly start drinking and then lose six days in a drunken haze. That felt out of character for me.

Overall, though, a very enjoyable book.

[Lissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the last (chronologically speaking) in the Beebo Brinker series (the fifth book, Beebo Brinker, is actually a prequel). Beth Cullison-Ayers, who jilted Laura in the first book of the series (Odd Girl Out), has come to the unhappy conclusion that her marriage to Charlie is not working out well for either of them or their two children. Feeling stifled as a housewife, Beth has an affair with the sister of Charlie's friend and co-worker, but that does little to alleviate her boredom. Beth becomes fixated on finding Laura, believing that she'll be able to find herself once she does so.

I'm not a big fan of the character of Beth, so I was less than thrilled to have an entire book devoted to her perspective. But at least this book wasn't nearly as dark as Women in the Shadows; however, I found the first half of the book to be rather dull. I didn't care about Beth or Vega, and the action only really picked up once Beth left Charlie and decided to try to find Laura (first in Chicago, then in New York City).

The end of the series wraps up a little too nicely, but considering that this is one of the very few lesbian pulps with an actual nice ending for the characters, I'm willing to overlook some flaws.

[Kathleen Hagen]

Journey to a Woman, by ann Bannon, Narrated by Kate Rudd, Produced by Cleis Press, downloaded from audible.com.

In this, the fourth book in the Beebo Brinker chronicles, we find Beth, having been married for nine years, realizing that she can’t stay in the marriage, even with two children, and knowing that she needs to find out once and for all whether or not she is a lesbian. In her fantasies, she has always considered the time with Laura, from Odd Girl Out, to be the most beautiful and fulfilled time in her life, so she sets out to find Laura to determine whether she still loves Laura, whether Laura still loves her, and whether they can begin where they left off. This is the book in which Beth goes through many things and grows up. A compelling read and a continued narrative in this chronicle of the 1950’s and early ‘60’s.