Don't Wake Me at Doyles

by Maura Murphy

When seventy-year-old Maura Murphy discovered she had cancer, she left her husband of fifty years and started writing her memoirs. Born 'chronically ugly and as cross as a briar' into a poor rural homestead in 1920s Ireland, Maura lived much of her adult life in England, where she raised nine children and fought to keep together a family ravaged by poverty and alcohol. The voice of a silent generation of an immigrant-Irish underclass, Maura Murphy's tough and remarkable life is a compellingly written account of struggle and survival like no other. With all the immediacy and impact of Frank McCourt's prize-winning ANGELA'S ASHES, Maura's voice is feisty, funny and fearless. And she needed to be all those things to survive an extraordinary series of privations and abuses. Her story is compelling and upbeat despite everything.

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Memoir, Ireland, Irish Literature

404 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2004

Reviews

[Maureen · Rating 3 out of 5]

A somewhat irritating memoir from Irish author Maura Murphy, that left me with mixed feelings. It’s undeniable that she had a tough life, living in poverty with 9 kids to raise, but it was a little too self- pitying for me . There were times when I did feel real sympathy for Maura, but on the other hand I found her extremely hypocritical in many instances. A little like Angela’s Ashes but not nearly as good.

[Josephine (Jo) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Maura Murphy is a force of nature, after spending fifty years in an abusive marriage she decides to put her life experiences onto paper and it is certainly a riveting read. If this was a film or on t.v. then it would start with the warning "contains abuse, drunkenness, foul language, child neglect". Maura married John Murphy in the early 1950s after being left unexpectedly by the love of her life who she was getting ready to marry and have children with, he just dumped her without explanation for another girl breaking Maura's heart. Along came John, charming, kind, funny and seemingly the perfect gentleman. Against her will Maura becomes pregnant and of course, has to marry John, I believe she was simply on the rebound from her real love and makes a mistake that will ruin her life for the next fifty years.
After they are married things take a massive change for the worse, John is a drunk, and that awful thing, a nasty, violent and verbally and physically abusive drunk. Maura is his punchbag, she has child after child until she becomes so debilitated, both mentally and physically that she is at the end of her tether. Maura is a loyal wife and follows her husband back and forth from Ireland to England from one fallen down house to the other dragging her massive brood of children behind her and trying to keep the family together and fed is all she can think about. In those days post-natal depression was not recognised but I know that Maura was suffering badly with her mental health and her life at the hands of a violent bully was a living hell. Through all of this Maura holds on to her faith and always has trust in God, she prays constantly and, I don't know, but maybe that is where her strength came from although her prayers for her husband to stop drinking and hitting her were not answered.
This memoir is truly sad but also very uplifting in its own way because Maura has spirit and she raises a huge family of feisty independent children who do well in life.

[Fiona · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's hard to read about a woman being abused over and over and having kid after kid. I know she's a devout Catholic, but it's hard. On the other hand I like her cut and dried approach to life and she loved her children immensely. It wasn't a "couldn't put it down" book, but I did read it fairly quickly. It's not a must read nor is it a waste of time. A bit sad that it took her until she was 70 years to leave her abuser, but I do hope she's now enjoying life and has found her peace she so craved.

[Jane · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to shake the whole lot of them AND the Catholic Church!

[Sandra McIntier · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book by Maura Murphy, and a lady I recognise from my teenage years. Always lovely and friendly.
Your book gave me comfort too, having been through an abusive marriage. Your book was well written and you have my admiration.
Well done.

[Amanda Carver · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lovely account of a real hard working Irish woman who lived a tough live for the majority of her life, don't they say the truth is better than fiction - and that's why I loved this book.

[Nadia Zeemeeuw · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a saddest book really. It is written by 70+ woman diagnosed with lung cancer (alas quite poorly written, it's definitly not 'Angela's Ashes' it often compared with). Maura Murphy pours all her resentment and bitterness about her life on these pages. And let's be honest it is mostly ugly things she prefer to share with a reader. You can see with your own eyes how bitter, mean and hateful people can become when trapped in unhappy marriage combined with extreme poverty. It is diifficult to take sides in this story - a reader finds herself/himself in the middle of a fierce spousal war and it gets uglier with every page. I guess I finished a book mainly because of some interesting realties of those hard dark times.

[Ciarra Delaney · Rating 2 out of 5]

Easy enough read. Non fiction. poorly written in parts. Frustrating lead characters

[Bill Keefe · Rating 3 out of 5]

Stumbled upon this at a library book sale and am glad I did. A poignant description of the hardscrabble lives of the Irish poor through most of the 20th century. Other books I've read allude to the lives of the Irish poor or use the times as a backdrop but this detailed, personal account brought it all to (its miserable) life. This alone made the book a worthwhile read.

Like others who have commented, I found her personal saga which compounded poverty with an abusive relationship and the social and religious oppression of her church and her times to be compelling but a bit solipsistic. Somewhere in the book one or more of her children remarks that "it's all about her, it's always been all about her," and the book has a bit of that feeling to it. Of course, it is a memoir, but, taking that into account, the personal seems a bit overdone.

That being said, I'm glad for the happy accident that brought the book my way and would recommend it to anyone who wants to see an honest, eyes-open account of the life and struggles - and joys - of a poor Irish girl, then woman, wife and mother in the 20th century. I doubt you'll get a closer look anywhere.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved every tragic page of this memoir! Maura's life reminded me so much of my own mother's, a true down on your luck kind of Irish life. And yet there was always humour and truth. So much of how she told her story was like listening to my own mum talk, and that gave me compassion in areas where I usually just roll my eyes and think, here we go again. There were many times where I saw myself in her life, especially with her nine children and all that went along with that. I applauded her courage in the end, and found myself feeling joy and sweet relief that she finally found the peace and quiet that she deserved after 70 years of a desperately hard life. Beautiful memoir!

[Fionnuala M · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another musthave for the bookshelf!! I really love reading memoirs and true accounts of people's experiences and lives. Maura Murphy was born in Offaly and the book takes her from there, where she married her abusive husband, to Birmingham where she had nine children and struggled every day as an Irish person trying to fit in. The book switches between the present day and the past which adds an interesting edge to the story. Maura developed cancer in her seventies and decided to part company with her husband and write her memoirs and I admire her greatly.

[Michelle G · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book. It is a true story told in a Irish sense of black humour. This story is not unlike what many Irish woman faced at that time. I love the slang in this book. It makes it very real and while reading it I could almost hear the words being said.

The issues in this book are alcoholism, poverty, the discrimination between men and woman, a story of the classes, illness and a fight for a better life.

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as compelling as Angela's Ashes, but I still enjoyed this autobiographical account of life in a poverty stricken home in Ireland. All the drama is here, the alcohol, the abuse, the hunger, the relentless pregnancy. If you are Irish or know the Irish story, nothing here will surprise you. Three stars.

[Sara · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was sad and quite depressing to be honest. I just wanted to shout at Maura "catch a wake up, leave him & get away!!!". I did not enjoy the parts where they were using the Lord's name in vain, cussing, and calling each other all sorts of names - but I guess that's the true reality of things.

[Jo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book one of the best I've ever read in fact this book got me back into reading - couldn't put it down....

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Emotional read

A very honest memoir, that at times was hard to read. A part of me wished it ended differently. Difficult to put down and for that I gave it 4 stars.

[Silvia Iskandar · Rating 3 out of 5]

Paling seneng deh baca memoir, walau bukan ditulis oleh penulis terkenal, nggak nyastra, tapi setiap isinya ada suara dari masa lalu, pikiran, perasaan, angan-angan, response seseorang yang gak jauh beda dari kita pada jaman dan situasinya, and it's all facts!

Dari buku ini saya baru ngerti waktu nonton Downton Abbey, kenapa pembantunya Irish semua?
Karena ternyata org2 Irish itu Katolik ketat, mereka gak boleh birth control sama sekali. Maura yang nulis buku ini melahirkan 9 anak dalam kurun 10 tahun. Malang benar nasibnya, walau mereka sibuk di kamar tidur, si suami sebenernya tidak memperlakukan dia dengan baik. Ninggalin dia dengan anak2 yg begitu banyak, minum2 di pub yang bernama Doyles, selingkuh juga.

(Dari sinilah asal judul Don't Wake Me at Doyles, dia takut suaminya yg doyan banget ke pub, kalau si Maura ini mati nanti pub-nya dipake untuk rumah duka buat sebelum penguburan, amit2 banget dia sama pub yang sudah jadi rumah kedua suaminya sementara dia sibuk di rumah mikirin gimana kasih makan anak dan kerja dari pagi sampai malam)

Nuansa Katolik yang ketat ini juga bisa dirasa ketika dia curhat sama pasturnya, dia cape hamil melulu, tapi Pastur nya malah re-assuring itu berkat Tuhan. Dan ketika dia cerita soal dipukulin suaminya pengen cere pengen pergi bebas, Pasturnya juga tidak mendukung, karena pernikahan sekali untuk selamanya, dan ini membuat Maura tertekan.

Jadi beginilah di Ireland, anak lahir boanyaaakkk tak henti2, keluarga gak sanggup kasih makan dan pendidikan yang cukup. Begitu cukup umur, buat gadis2 dambaan mereka adalah kerja jadi pembantu di rumah2 di England, yang cuma sebelahan dari Ireland. Makanya di Downton Abbey yg pembantu2nya aksen-nya Irish.

Lucunya, ibunya Maura gak seneng Maura dan suaminya pergi ke England ketika ada peluang kerja. Ihh...pagan country! Negara kafirrrr!!! Wkwkwk...suka mengkafir2 kan orang ini ternyata penyakit global yang sudah berakar lama ya... Ini karena Inggris kan agama mayoritas Kristen Protestan, sejak Reformasi yang berawal dari Martin Luther.

Anyway..ketika sampai di England, mereka susah banget cari tempat tinggal, karena di mana2 ditulis NO BLACKS, NO DOGS, NO IRISH

Busettt..ini sekitar awal 1960. Si Maura ngedumel, dulu waktu abis perang (PD2), org Inggris mau aja mempekerjakan org Irish buat bikin rel kereta api, bangunan2, sekarang udah jadi, mereka mau tinggal di dalamnya gak boleh. Wkt mau cari kerja di pabrik juga sama, NO IRISH. Mereka jadi kaum rendahan di Inggris, yang miskin, beranak banyak dan gak punya kerja.

Akhirnya mereka dapet rumah sewa dari org India, dan mereka bohong, anaknya cuma 2, padahal udah ada 5, jadi kalau keluar rumah anaknya digilir, biar gak ada yang tahu anaknya segitu banyak.

Anyway, Maura si penulis sudah meninggal, sebelum meninggal dia akhirnya resmi bercerai, karena itu yang dia harap2kan dari bertahun2. Dulu dia tahan2 di abuse sama suami, tapi pas begitu tahu suaminya selingkuh...halah...buat apa lageee.. anak2 udah gede udah pada kawin/kerja, buat apa gw sama ni orang?

Buku ini kyknya surprise best seller karena org biasa banget bisa dengan beraninya bilang di akhir memoir :
Catholic marriages were sacrosanct. You made a commitment and took the oath 'Till death do us part'.
I don't believe in that anymore.

Kalau saya mah ter-surprise2 karena si Maura dengan berani cerita bagaimana dia grepe2 sama pacarnya dan berujung hamil sebelon nikah, dan buru2 nikah, all knowing that, suatu saat bukunya akan dibaca anak cucunya...hohohoho...

Satu hal juga yang menarik, sesudah anak2nya besar dan Maura ngedumel tentang suaminya di depan anak2, anak2 protes dan jadi sebel sama dia. Dia baru sadar, betapapun suaminya jahat sama dia, tapi dia adalah bapak yang baik untuk anak2nya, dan itu kompleks!! Maura jadi cemburu, kenapa anak2 kok belain bapaknya sementara gw yang selama ini practically gedein kalian suaminya cuma kasih duit pas-pas-an. Ah...susah ya kalau keluarga udah gak harmonis...

[Bill reilly · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is a grand Irish opening, as Maura McNamee, later Murphy, was born in 1928, the third of seven children, a typical poor Catholic child of rural Ireland. The poverty was relentless, with a bucket serving as a toilet and sackcloth filled with straw used as a bed. Hunger was constant and they prayed the Rosary every day for better days which did not come. Maura left school at fourteen to work as a housekeeper in Dublin. On her first night working for the wealthy Cavanaugh’s, the girl found out that the ornate baths were for family only. The domestic servants cleaned up with a jug and a basin. A man named Tom Walsh danced with her when she was 19, and after two years and a promise of marriage, Thomas dumped Maura without explanation. The chapters alternate between a lifelong biography ad a medical emergency in 1999. Maura was 70 when a continuous nosebleed landed her into the hospital. All of her children visited and awaited her test results. She met John Murphy at a dance and married him a year and a half later. An unplanned pregnancy was the reason for the marriage. John drank heavily, and when their first child was born, they lived with her parents. Within a few months, the newlyweds rented a small room in a house. John worked in a factory and money was tight. The unhappy couple moved to England to work on a country estate. John was a butler and Maura a cook and housekeeper. The work paid well and the estate gave them a beautiful place to live but Maura became pregnant again and they had to leave. John was abusive when drunk and Maura had no escape in the 1950’s. Irish Catholics did not divorce. Baby # 2 was born at Maura’s parents’ house in Ireland without John’s presence. He found a small house with no running water. A well with a hand pump was a daily journey. The couple did back breaking farm work and lived on potatoes, onions and homemade bread. A third child was born and Maura’s mother sent packages of porridge, sugar and bread every week. This reads like Charles Dickens. The memories of hunger last a lifetime. Frank McCourt wrote of the same feelings in Angela’s Ashes. His book is a work of genius, Murphy’s is not. John found a construction job in Liverpool. Maura, expecting their sixth child, moved there in 1959. No Blacks, dogs, or Irish appeared on most of the houses at the time. After eight children and two miscarriages, they lived in a government owned house for two years until the family was evicted to the curb for not paying the mortgage. Maura and her children lived in a hostel for two months and were then put in public housing with no indoor plumbing. A ninth child caused Maura’s uterus to collapse and necessitated a hysterectomy. This was a Roman Catholic no-no but she would have died within six months without it. The operation was successful but Maura needed six months in bed to recover. Severe depression followed and a shrink recommended bingo as a diversion. The game turned into an addiction. In 1972, they finally got a decent house with an indoor bathroom. They survived after John had an affair with a much younger woman, but almost divorced. Maura moved back to Ireland at sixty, while John remained in England to work. He later rejoined her and she had an operation for lung cancer. The ending is a bit surprising, but the journey is worth the read. Murphy’s story is quite a struggle, so do not expect a fairy tale.

[Justin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Maura's memoir takes the approach of jumping between two perspectives. One perspective is the classical autobiography setup where she recounts her life from birth to adulthood. The second perspective is Maura at age 70, dealing with the fallout of a lung cancer diagnosis. And forgive me for saying so, but I find the story of Maura's lung cancer exceptionally uninteresting. Everyone has to square their mortality at some point. While 70 is younger than today's average life expectancy, it is certainly not the saddest age to receive a terminal diagnosis. (Maura ended up living to age 77.)

The rest of her life story, though, is fascinating. Maura Murphy was not a writer by trade -- she was just an average Irish housewife of the era who decided to write her memoir one day, and the pedestrian nature of her perspective is also the thing that makes it unique. In 1950s Ireland, it was not the rural poor that were writing books. Maura's account of her upbringing, her relationship with religion, and her horrendous marriage is exceedingly normal for women of her era, and yet it's a story that we don't often hear, least of all from a primary source. If you're interested in seeing how far the feminist cause has come in the last century, or how different poverty looked in the 20th century versus the 21st, then this book has insights aplenty... As long as you're willing to suffer through the cancer tale. (Don't feel guilty if you find yourself wanting to skip those chapters. I certainly did.)

[Joyce Howland · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting book about a woman’s life in Ireland. Maura writes her own story about her Irish Catholic family. She is poor, stuck in an abusive marriage with an alcoholic and womanizing man, and is a mother to 9 children. Her spirit is remarkably strong as she handles not having money to feed and clothe her family, evictions, her husband, and illness plus all those kids! A very strong woman finds her peace and independence.

[Weezie's · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a book club choice and it was agreed the person who wrote this was definitely not a writer. At times it felt like Maura was on a self pitying trip, but also showed how life was for the Irish. Poverty, drink and the unwillingness of the British to lend a helping hand was unfortunately very commonplace back then when the Irish tried to find a better place to live for their families.

[Stuart Clarke · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book and the main character Maura but unfortunately found it and her really irritating. So much so I gave up after page 340 when her husband has an affair after spending most of their marriage being useless - with money, drink, abuse. She doesn't just chuck him out when she finds out but feels sorry for him and let's it go on for a year.
I know it's the time etc but ....

[Ann · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nogal warrig geschreven. En het mens kwam vaak nogal zeurderig en zelfingenomen over. Ze spreekt zichzelf ook vaak tegen. Wel interessant om een kijkje te krijgen in die door en door katholieke leefwereld.

[Angela · Rating 3 out of 5]

An ‘okay’ kind of book. Some of the historical information was interesting. Finished it because I don’t like to not finish a book.

[Kitsa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think there should be a note on the title page, "this is NO ANGELA'S ASHES", to prevent those looking for a like book. Focused more on self pity, and that grew tiresome quickly.

[Lori Anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this book up at our local used book store because it was recommended by the author of "Angela's Ashes". The book is the memoir of an Irish woman, mother of nine children and often unhappy wife to a charming but alcoholic husband. The book switched back and forth from the time she wrote the book, at age 70, and her entire life leading up to then. While the book wasn't always eloquently written, I was completely captivated with her life and all the hardships she encountered. It was amazing to me that what I thought of as a hardship was considered normal life at the time -- I just couldn't have handled it!

If you liked "Angela's Ashes", you'll probably like this book as well.

Recommended (and I have a copy to send you if you message me!)

Lori Anderson

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[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of discussion and debate provoked by this book comments include "just a bitter old woman whingeing on about her life".
She was manipulative, taking the money from the sale if their house to fund her new life in Ireland. "I was to retire to Ireland and John was to join me three years later when he officially retired from the boiler house. Secretly I hoped he would stay where he was"
When he comes to visit her "John was sad to be going back to Birmingham but he promised to visit me soon, I hoped he would stay away"
When her poor husband complains about all the money she's spending she justifies it thus " I'm only tryin' to make a nice home for us".

Just a very depressing story of a marriage.
The author is described as "a self pitying, dishonest, avaricious, horrible old woman" by Nicky who doesn't mince her words.

When she's not revealing herself to be dishonest, avaricious and self pitying she is just plain tedious. E.g. "I brought all my house plants from Birmingham - a spider plant, several geraniums, and a spectacular yucca, and Olive found the right positions for them"

[MARGO]

I was almost afraid to give my review after reading all the reviews praising this memoir. I am afraid I could not finish this very poorly written and utterly humourless,boring tale of this ordinary Irish woman. It is unfortunate that she had a hard life but so do a lot of other people. I had hope that this book would be similar to Angela's Ashes which I totally enjoyed as it was a bright and interesting story of someone who also had a hard life but was equipped with a good sense of humour which Ms. Murphy is seriously lacking in. Boo Hoo is all I can say.

[Tasha · Rating 2 out of 5]

In my desperation for books, I´ve taken to searching the street markets everytime I pass them to see if they have anything new. I found this one and it seemed readable so I bought it for $2. It´s the autobiography of an Irish woman raising her 9 kids in poverty. Some of it is interesting but it isn´t very well written--everytime she told an antidote, she only used about two sentances and left me feeling that each memory is incomplete.

[Mindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Awesome memoir. It was so refreshing to read a really good story written by an "ordinary" woman as stated in the title. Its heartbreaking and real and empowering all at the same time. It's total Irish dialogue and you WILL find yourself reading it with a heavy brogue. I loved it and I still find myself saying "ya" instead of you. You will appreciate your life and stop feeling sorry for yourself after reading it, that's for sure!