The Argument Culture

by Deborah Tannen

A reporter gives one side of the story and then, to be "fair", finds an advocate for the opposite side. But what if the truth lies somewhere in the middle? Why do we see everything as either/or? In the media, in politics (particularly in the House of Commons), in our classrooms and courtrooms, issues are taken up in adversarial debate between opposite extremes rather than discussed and explored. This pervasive warlike atmosphere encourages us to believe that opposition is the best way to get anything the best way to explore an idea is to set up a debate; the best way to settle disputes is litigation; the best way to show you're really thinking is to criticize and attack. The author of this work identifies a mode of communication - the argument culture - that is getting in the way of understanding and needlessly polarizing us.

Genres: Nonfiction, Sociology, Communication, Psychology, Language, Politics, Linguistics

Paperback

First published January 1, 1998

About the author

Deborah Tannen is best known as the author of You Just Don't Understand, which was on The New York Times Best Seller list for nearly four years years, including eight months as No. 1, and has been translated into 29 languages. It was also on best seller lists in Brazil, Canada, England, Germany, Holland, and Hong Kong. This is the book that brought gender differences in communication style to the forefront of public awareness. Her book Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men at Work , a New York Times Business Best Seller, does for the workplace what the earlier book did for women and men talking at home. She has also made a training video, Talking 9 to 5. Her book, The Argument Culture, received the Common Ground Book Award. Her book, I Only Say This Because I Love You: Talking to Your Parents, Partner, Sibs, and Kids When You're All Adults, received a Books for a Better Life Award. Her latest book, You're Wearing THAT?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation, was recently published in paperback by Ballantine; it spent ten weeks on the New York Times Best Seller List after its initial publication in 2006.

Deborah Tannen is a frequent guest on television and radio news and information shows. In connection with You're Wearing THAT? she appeared on 20/20, Good Morning America, the Today Show, the Rachael Ray Talk Show, the CBS Early Show, and on NPR's Morning Edition and the Diane Rehm show. The NewsHour with Jim Lehrer, 48 Hours, CBS News, ABC World News Tonight, Oprah, CNN, Larry King, Hardball, Nightline, and NPR are among the major television and radio shows on which Dr. Tannen has appeared in connection with previous books. She has been featured in and written for most major newspapers and magazines including The New York Times, Newsweek, Time, USA Today, People, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business Review.

Dr. Tannen has lectured all over the world. Her audiences have included corporations such as Corning, Chevron, Motorola, Rolm (Siemens), McKinsey and Co., and Delta, as well as the Board of Trustees of The Wharton School and a gathering of United States senators and their spouses. Combining the results of years of research and observation with videotaped real-life footage of office interaction, Dr. Tannen gives her audiences a new framework for understanding what happens in conversations both in the workplace and at home.

In addition to her linguistic research and writing, Dr. Tannen has published poetry, short stories, and personal essays. Her first play, "An Act of Devotion," is included in The Best American Short Plays: 1993-1994. It was produced, together with her play "Sisters," by Horizons Theatre in Arlington, Virginia in 1995.

Deborah Tannen is on the linguistics department faculty at Georgetown University, where she is one of only two in the College of Arts and Sciences who hold the distinguished rank of University Professor. She has been McGraw Distinguished Lecturer at Princeton University, and was a fellow at the Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences in Stanford, California, following a term in residence at the Institute for Advanced Study in Princeton, New Jersey. She has published twenty-one books and over 100 articles and is the recipient of five honorary doctorates. Dr. Tannen is a member of the PEN/Faulkner Foundation Board and the Board of Horizons Theatre.

Reviews

[Arminzerella · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really like Deborah Tannen’s writing style. She writes in short chapters and uses a lot of examples from studies and real life to illustrate her points. This book continues some of her work on communication – moving from the differences between men and women’s styles of communication, she begins talking about an “American” style of communication and culture. Our culture is becoming overly antagonistic and argumentative – obsessed with framing every issue as a debate between two opposing forces (each side being given equal weight and EVERY issue having two sides), often for the sake of entertainment, because media seems to believe that it’s more interesting to watch an all out fight than it is to watch people agree or come to consensus or discuss things without insulting one another. The reality is that “issues” may have many different “sides” and that they may not be completely antagonistic to one another. Ever heard the phrase, “shades of gray?” It’s perfectly reasonable to have shades of gray, nuances that separate different view points, and even (god forbid), places where we overlap. Setting everything up as a fight with a winner and a loser not only gives credence to a lunatic opinion in some cases (because maybe there really isn’t a well-thought out opposition) just because it’s in opposition, but it also oversimplifies issues by eliminating those shades of gray where people might find mutual understanding. It only serves to alienate people from one another by making only two camps and polarizing the people in them. If you are not with us, you are against us. There are other cultures that use argument and aggressiveness more positively, and Tannen suggests that we might have things to learn from them. There are also other cultures which seek compromise and a way for everyone to save face and preserve the group – like the Japanese. We might also learn things from them.

There is much food for thought here. It is important that we learn how to communicate with each other again – to share our thoughts and examine them, but less antagonistically. Our society of litigators and media and politicians, all who have made extremely bad names for themselves, seems especially geared toward fighting and making people pay. We give the appearance of enjoying the brutal crucifixion of our fellow human beings, but is this really so? I hope not.

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

Since I'm writing this as the presidential election heats up, I only grieve that Tannen's book hasn't really made a dent in the obnoxiousness of political/cultural debate in this country. To avoid all the lies and innuendo of the next ten weeks I turn off my tv and my radio so I don't have to poison my mind with that crap. Tannen hits the nail on the head, and keeps hitting and hitting and hitting. Doesn't seem to do much good.

[Dave Powell]

Brings up some interesting points with regard to the nature of debate. Rarely is any issue just 2 sided and this book emphasizes the importance of seeking common ground in our discourse.
argument for arguments sake is never productive and although it may be important to stick up for what you believe, the application of reason is more important than shouting down your opponent to win cheap points.

[Gilahk · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book, written almost 20 years ago could have been written today only with so many more examples of how polarized the discourse in America has become.
In one of the chapters she writes about email becoming more and more prevalent as a means of communication, citing the benefits and yet the loss of one to one communication that too much reliance on email might foster. She got that right as well as alerting to the alarming trend of more coarse and brutish dialogue that ensues when posting on social media is anonymous. If she were writing the book today I'm sure there would be a whole chapter on cyber-bullying which really is the next step after it becomes more common to bash people in public forums.

It would have been great to read this book from the 90's and be able to say
"yes that's how it was but then society realized how much they were losing when everything became so adversarial. Today we emphasize trying to learn from differences and respecting that there is some truth in all sides, and that most issues cannot be boiled to to black and white, for or against etc."

So no we can't say that because public discourse has become even more violent and abusive and divisive. Or there is little talk about issues. The broadcast news either talks about the intimate details of celebrities lives or a mass shooting somewhere. Analysis of current events in the nation and in the world and how they affect us is left to very bright comedians who have late night talk shows, certainly not journalists or people who have seriously studied stuff like Professor Tannen.

That's how you get a serious contender for the office of President of the United Stated who can say out loud in front of cameras "I love the uneducated" and mocking the work of people who actually study stuff and have true things to say about social phenomena and underlying causes for all sorts of problems, the kinds of studies that can lead to better decision making that in turn produce solutions because it's the right and proper way to solve a problem. Today every solution is challenged by a group that sees it as a threat to their way of life or to some privilege they have gotten used to. Where is the common good? The pulling together? Of being a bit discomforted so that all prosper?

This is an excellent book and a very depressing read.

[Rachel Blom · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Deborah Tannen. I devoured her previous books on communicating (my favorite being 'You just don't understand' on differences in communication style between men and women). This book is different from her previous work, but fascinating nonetheless. Tannen's key point is that America has changed into an argument culture, where many aspects of life have turned into debates instead of dialogues. She shows this by discussing amongst others politics, the law, and media/the press and proves that conflict is at the very core here. Many of her insights were an 'Aha-Erlebnis' for me. Being European, I sensed that America is different in many aspects and tannen helped me define some of those differences. It's a somewhat older book (1998) and that shows in the examples (lots of Bill Clinton here and his contemporary politicians) but I think things have only gotten worse since then. A fascinating, if somewhat depressing, read.

[Matt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tannen is probably better known for her book "You Just Don't Understand" which looks at the communication differences between men and women.

This book explains why no one in this country listens to authority, and how everything has to be confrontation or a debate.

Also many problems are looked at as having only two sides, when many problems are multi-faceted and many differnet arguments could be made.

A must read for anyone who has to be in authority.

[Jason · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a bit long-winded, but I'm coming from a background in conflict resolution, so most of the substance was not new to me. However, it's very good substance. In a pinch, if you had limited time, read the first and last chapters. Everything in between consists mostly of examples of argument culture in law, politics, academia and the press.

[Mom/sue · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book presented the author's concern that our culture, especially our journalism, is saturated with the concept that it is only disagreement that makes a subject interesting. Too little content in our news and in our lives.

[Elizabeth]

I want to read everything by Deborah Tannen.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved loved loved this book. It's helped shape my view of the world and how language is framed, especially in the US and also elsewhere. Highly recommended.

[Ginny · Rating 1 out of 5]

Surprisingly disappointing mostly because it is outdated. It was published in the late ‘90s. And many concepts and issues she discusses also have been belabored in various contexts. The section on cultural differences in argumentation was interesting and informative. Unlike her other books I found this one uninspiring.

[Ruby · Rating 3 out of 5]

A lot of interesting content, but it wasn't written in a way that was absorbing. It didn't get overly repetitive, and it was informative and useful, but it didn't hold my interest. Instead of discussing the argument culture in a more abstract way, Tannen spends the chapters delving into specific arenas that show the power of the argument culture (law, politics, etc), which made the overall theme harder to get into. I would have preferred a book about the topic in the style that Tannen wrote her wonderful That's Not What I Meant! in– where she connects the overall theme to the individual examples constantly. Here I felt that I was being shown examples again and again of how people like to a) watch arguments and b) simplify situations into two-sided arguments (false dichotomies!)

An interesting topic that was explored in a way I found dull at times. Deborah Tannen still remains one of my favorite authors when it comes to sociolinguistics and how language ties into behavior!

[Bronwyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written about 20 years ago, this book is more relevant than ever. Tannen describes how we continuously reinforce a culture of critique and vitriol. She demonstrates how framing issues as having two sides limits both the breadth and nuance of discussion and encourages a competitive rather than investigative or collaborative conversation. And that always balancing with the "other" side can encourage the promotion of extreme views. She also describes how adversarial language and the scandalization of mundane events creates so much noise that true signals are lost.

If nothing else, this is balm for those of us exhausted with every conversation somehow becoming a competition.

The first chapter is gold, and then she spends the next several chapters showing examples from journalism, politics, law, education, and even childhood play. She also describes how other cultures mediate debate.

Excellent for the first chapter alone, and then worth a skim through the rest.

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

from the library computer

Table of Contents

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS xi
1. FIGHTING FOR OUR LIVES
3 (24)
2. BOTH SIDES COME OUT FIGHTING: THE ARGUMENT CULTURE AND THE PRESS
27 (27)
3. FROM LAPDOG TO ATTACK DOG: THE AGGRESSION CULTURE AND THE PRESS
54 (41)
4. "A PLAGUE ON BOTH YOUR HOUSES!": OPPOSITION IN OUR POLITICAL LIVES
95 (36)
5. "LITIGATION IS WAR"
131 (35)
6. BOYS WILL BE BOYS: GENDER AND OPPOSITION
166 (42)
7. WHAT OTHER WAYS ARE THERE?: LISTENING TO OTHER CULTURES
208 (29)
8. FAST FORWARD: TECHNOLOGICALLY ENHANCED AGGRESSION
237 (19)
9. THE ROOTS OF DEBATE IN EDUCATION AND THE HOPE OF DIALOGUE
256 (35)
NOTES 291 (24)
REFERENCES 315 (12)
INDEX 327


***** article 301 in database: photocopy of table of contents

[Misty · Rating 3 out of 5]

Loved the first book of Tannen's that I read, "You Just Don't Understand." This book is almost as insightful. It has a easy to read format and cadence. Her analysis of the growing and overwhelming influence of agonism and criticism in our culture is valuable. While I don't agree with all her perspectives and suggestions about how to stop such a trajectory in our public and private lives, I appreciate how the book creates a framework for dialogue to address this issue. Note: One chapter (Technology Enhanced Agression) is outdated since it was published is 1998, but not entirely irrelevant.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely loved this book! Hard to believe it was written almost 20 years ago, because so much still resonates with what I see in my world today. Here's to hoping we can move from a culture of debate to dialogue!

Favorite point from the concluding chapter: "Whatever the causes of the argument culture--and the many cause I have mentioned are surely not the only ones--the most grievous cost is the price paid in human spirit: Contentious public discourse becomes a model for behavior and sets the tone for how individuals experience their relationships to other people and to the society we live in." (page 280)

[Kristen · Rating 3 out of 5]

News stories present everything as two extreme sides. Lawyers fight to win, not to find the truth. Everything is too much shouting and debate. This was one of those books that makes me say, "I guess so. But there's not much I can do about it." Tannen's fire for her subject grew when she wrote an earlier book, went on talk shows to publicize it, and was constantly thrown into debates that kept her from getting her message out. Or they didn't want her on if she wouldn't go along with the pit-one-against-another format.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting examination of some of the problems caused by framing everything as an argument. I'm not sure that this happens as often in our society as Tannen thinks it does (maybe it's because I'm in Canada?), but I can definitely see the problems she descibes in media and politics. The examples of other options were interesting, and I was happy to find that Tannen didn't try to set any of them up as a perfect solution.

[Jeanine Marie Swenson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would grade this book as a 4.5 if I could. Deborah Tannen is really onto something here as she laments the decline of every pyramidal hierarchy into an adversarial battleground. Could this be one of the unforeseen downsides of capitalism? "Show me the money" takes on new meaning.

[Jess · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ms. Tannen's writing style is engaging, her anecdotes were interesting and her conclusions seemed plausible... at first, anyway. Unfortunately, her reasoning (particularly her over-generalizations) drove me bonkers.

[Tess Votto · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been reading Deborah Tannen for years, and this book has been on my shelf for a while. It seemed very appropriate to pull it out right now during the 2016 presidential campaigns when everything on TV seems to be explosive. Tannen give you all the reasons why. She's phenomenal!

[Katrina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this book, especially when a presidential election is gearing up, is pretty eye opening. The way we speak to each other, the way politicians speak, the way news is reported, all in an argumentative style that is not only unnecessary, but unproductive.

[Sonali Kale · Rating 4 out of 5]

A strong commentary on the debate culture that has flourished for the sake of argument. The writer gives many examples from the American media for how every dialogue is reduced to a battle or a fierce game where you're either a winner or a loser.

[Martine · Rating 4 out of 5]

After reading this book, hopefully, one will think of the importance of being a good listener and reflecting on one's words before speaking.

[Elizabeth · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don't understand why I can't find the hard cover edition here. anything I already wrote is about the hard cover edition


from the library

[Mary Ellin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Must read. I read the earlier edition, published in 1998, when the internet and email were new; consider instead reading the later edition, with the subtitle “Stopping America’s War of Words,” which I suspect includes updated examples and covers topics such as the culture of argument and culture of (destructive) criticism in social media. The author makes excellent points and an excellent case for the need to adapt the argument/critique culture in media, law, politics, education, science - heck, all of society - so that we can finally stop fighting with one another, start listening to one another, and start finding some honest common ground and compromise. While I might quibble with two chapters devoted to media’s contributions to the argument culture (media is complicit, sure, but two chapters on it when politics and law each got only one?), and also with endless examples of the problem with considerably less space devoted to potential solutions, I remain an enthusiastic admirer of Ms. Tannen’s research, writing, findings and conclusions, particularly on the topic of our current argument culture and culture of (destructive) critique. I particularly admire her for being so “on the money” back in 1998, when the first edition of this book was published - I don’t recall the situation then being nearly as bad as it is now (2018 as I write this), but Tannen reminds me that indeed it was. I plan to check out her later edition of this book - I encourage everyone to do the same. If we jump on board Tannen’s train of seeking commonality and understanding, instead of conflict and discord, then, one by one, we can make a difference.

[Lora Shouse · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written during the tumultuous Clinton years, this book describes the climate of argument that seemed to prevail in many levels of society at that time from politics to the media to education.

The author describes this climate of argument and attempts to analyze some of the reasons for it.

She doesn’t go so far as to suggest that all argument in all situations is bad. There are some areas where arguments are part of the necessary function of an aspect of society, such as the legal system. But she suggests that the level of hostility even in these areas may have gotten out of hand.

She also tries to look for ways of cutting down on this level of hostility even where it is not possible to eliminate it altogether, such as paying attention to how other cultures manage life in these areas. Or consider having a dialogue rather than a debate or argument. Not every idea needs to be a winner-take-all proposition.

I wonder how this book would be different if it were written today. I no longer follow politics or the news media closely enough to know if some of the practices referred to are still followed there, but from what I do see in these areas, I get the impression that things are worse than ever there. And many of the other areas she discusses seem to be getting worse rather than better as well.

[St Fu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written a quarter of a century ago, this book warned us of what has since become a lot worse. Many newer books such as Hate Inc.: Why Today's Media Makes Us Despise One Anotherand Why We're Polarized, or The Meritocracy Trap: How America's Foundational Myth Feeds Inequality, Dismantles the Middle Class, and Devours the Elite cover some of the outcomes, but this book addresses the way of thinking underlying it all. The policies of competition come out of the view that we are individuals whose freedom depends on self-interest. The alternative would be communism.

But even that opposition is an example of the binary thinking this book explains. It turns out that changing the way we think requires more than logical analysis.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my waiting for the ferry book, so it took a while to get it finished. Not because it was bad, or a struggle to read, simply because I kept leaving it in the car.

While written in the before times of 1998, the observations and examination of culture remain relevant, even more so in these days of social media contamination of every aspect of life.

The initial premise of the book was as it relates to American culture, however now, 25 years later, the infection has spread insidiously across the globe, much like the recent pandemic. Her discussions of media reporting and the evolution of this negative culture is fascinating, enter discussions of sex differences in interactions and much of what is going on makes more sense.

She provides recommendations on steps to slow or perhaps reroute this noxious cultural behaviour, which could work, but clearly since this has been around for a few years and things have only de-evolved, no one in the influence sphere has read it, or sees anything wrong with the argument culture.

Sadly.

And I had such hope for the humans. Regardless. I can solidly recommend this, definitely non-fiction book looking at how we, as a culture, became such assho;es

[Yenta Knows · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't think I spent 14 days reading this book although that's what the dates from Goodreads indicate. I think I only spent a few days. I didn't finish the book because the library wanted it back when I had only read about the first 50 or 60 pages.

It's not the author's best work. But I did appreciate one point she made. She explains that, because newspapers feel they have to give a balanced view, they will sometimes seek out a person who has an opposing view point. This results in giving wing nuts and crackpots more time and attention than they deserve.

A case in point is the Holocaust deniers. Why should we take these nasty anti-Semites seriously at all? Why give them attention? Why help them spread their slime?