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A Field Guide to Earthlings: An Autistic/Asperger View of Neurotypical Behavior
Autistic people often live in a state of anxiety and confusion about the social world, running into misunderstandings and other barriers. This book unlocks the inner workings of neurotypical behavior, which can be mysterious to autistics.
Proceeding from root concepts of language and culture through 62 behavior patterns used by neurotypical people, the book reveals how they structure a mental map of the world in symbolic webs of beliefs, how those symbols are used to filter perception, how they build and display their identity, how they complete for power, and how they socialize and develop relationships.
Proceeding from root concepts of language and culture through 62 behavior patterns used by neurotypical people, the book reveals how they structure a mental map of the world in symbolic webs of beliefs, how those symbols are used to filter perception, how they build and display their identity, how they complete for power, and how they socialize and develop relationships.
218 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2010
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November 18, 2014
This books reverses the traditional take on ASD (Autism spectrum disorders). It is an attempt to explain the oftentimes bizarre behaviour of “Neurotypicals” (NTs) to people with asd, I’ll call them Aspies from now on. The main idea is that Aspies think in terms of ideas whereas NTs think in words/symbols. Each NT has a word map inside their head which link words to one another, a word spoken to an NT conjures up a whole set of associated words, for example wedding → {flowers, groom, priest, white dress, happiness, champagne, gourmet} such that the meaning of “wedding” to an NT is the set of associated words rather than the literal meaning. They can’t create new ideas, all they can do is find novel connections in the word map, maybe. The author assumes that this is the only way that NTs can think. The word for this theory of mind when applied to the human race is Behaviourism. The idea that the Universe is actually built this way (or that this is the only way to interpret it), that is symbols and connections to other symbols, is called Logical Positivism.
Linguistic theorists embraced and then rejected Behaviourism as a way of explaining human language (http://www.chomsky.info/articles/1967...). Human language is far too complex. Any human who thought exclusively in terms of word associations would be so stupid as to be incapable of functioning. This way of thinking does exist in the political sphere, however, it’s a degenerate form of intuition, which I explain later. The object of political language is to deceive “The enemy of clear language is insincerity”. Almost everyone finds fault in politics, this is not something that only Aspies have discovered.
I’ve never been diagnosed but I’m sure I have some version of Asperger’s syndrome. I can’t stand repetitive noises, imprecise language and rules-that-everyone-agrees-with-but-don’t-actually-follow. I find that most people have better focus and organisation skills than me and can anticipate problems that I do not foresee. This is why I find the fictional episodes within the book so strange. The author presents a wedding with NTs as delusional squabbling buffoons who are finally trumped when reality knocks on the door. Whereas I would trust anyone except me to organise a wedding.
Let me propose an alternate model of how most people actually think, they use logical induction or “intuition”. Small amounts of information can be used to infer things probabilistically. You have found a dent in the car you are looking to buy, what does this tell you? Aspies would say “that it has a small dent”, NTs would place a higher probability on the car having other problems, which is not a bad assumption. The brand is unpopular, does this matter? Yes. Your date has a stain on his shirt. Maybe this is uncharacteristic, maybe he’s actually got his shit together. Who knows? Who cares? Don’t waste your time. Intuition is useful that’s why people use it. Using your intuition is a fast way for dealing with a world without reliable information. It involves keeping a database full of all sorts of implicit assumptions or theories about the world, these help to keep you focused and able to respond quickly. One of the big assumptions most people make is that the best thing to do is to do what everyone else does. This is not as stupid as it sounds, doing something different can lead to unforseen problems. Should you use Microsoft Windows in your business? Everyone else does, so probably yes. The author gave an example of a sum with terms missing, apparently the answer was unguessable, given the lack of information 2+8+5+_=? Not so! It’s probably going to be less than 1000, less than 100, more like ~20. Which would have been a good guess.
Much time has been spent by psychologists trying to prove human stupidity. The famous example is “Linda the bank teller”, an outspoken, bright, socially aware former student of philosophy. Is it more probable that she is a) a bank teller, or b) a bank teller and a feminist? Most people answer b) this is apparently proof to psychologists that people are stupid and don’t understand probabilities. I think people not trained in the language of probability find the question ambiguous. It’s more likely that people interpret the question such that it doesn’t sound as stupid, they assume that a) means that she isn’t a feminist.
Obviously there are issues with intuitive thinking. The inferences are not logically valid, that is to say not necessarily true, given the information. Aspies lack the set of implicit assumptions “common sense” that most people have so find it hard to make the mental leaps which others make easily. Aspies tend to be more aware of how they think, this introduces a feeling of uncertainty into the assumptions themselves. If they are introspective types they will think outside the intuition system to think about the system itself. This also explains why they like to work within formal systems with explicit assumptions, like mathematics. We should all learn to move between different levels of thinking.
The section on sex was interesting, apart from the distasteful language "complex mating rituals". The author makes the mistake of assuming social conventions are designed and have a purpose. Rather they perpetuate themselves by forcing compliance on Aspies as well as NTs. Any man cannot be too direct for fear of appearing desperate or frustrated. Women have to think carefully about going home with a man if she perceives danger, it will be more difficult for her to leave if she has already dropped her pretense - plausible deniability.
The author needs to examine his own assumptions. For instance he states confidently that race is not a thing. He follows the common practise of asserting the non-existance of a category by showing that the border line is hazy. The exact line between land and ocean is hazy, but I believe they are both distinct categories. I'm white, no-one could think otherwise. He makes a similar assertion about Sexuality. It surprises me that the author neglects Biological Sex as having any influence on the brain, considering he is obviously a Biological determinist when it comes to Neurotype. "There are some ideas so absurd that only an intellectual could believe them".
Linguistic theorists embraced and then rejected Behaviourism as a way of explaining human language (http://www.chomsky.info/articles/1967...). Human language is far too complex. Any human who thought exclusively in terms of word associations would be so stupid as to be incapable of functioning. This way of thinking does exist in the political sphere, however, it’s a degenerate form of intuition, which I explain later. The object of political language is to deceive “The enemy of clear language is insincerity”. Almost everyone finds fault in politics, this is not something that only Aspies have discovered.
I’ve never been diagnosed but I’m sure I have some version of Asperger’s syndrome. I can’t stand repetitive noises, imprecise language and rules-that-everyone-agrees-with-but-don’t-actually-follow. I find that most people have better focus and organisation skills than me and can anticipate problems that I do not foresee. This is why I find the fictional episodes within the book so strange. The author presents a wedding with NTs as delusional squabbling buffoons who are finally trumped when reality knocks on the door. Whereas I would trust anyone except me to organise a wedding.
Let me propose an alternate model of how most people actually think, they use logical induction or “intuition”. Small amounts of information can be used to infer things probabilistically. You have found a dent in the car you are looking to buy, what does this tell you? Aspies would say “that it has a small dent”, NTs would place a higher probability on the car having other problems, which is not a bad assumption. The brand is unpopular, does this matter? Yes. Your date has a stain on his shirt. Maybe this is uncharacteristic, maybe he’s actually got his shit together. Who knows? Who cares? Don’t waste your time. Intuition is useful that’s why people use it. Using your intuition is a fast way for dealing with a world without reliable information. It involves keeping a database full of all sorts of implicit assumptions or theories about the world, these help to keep you focused and able to respond quickly. One of the big assumptions most people make is that the best thing to do is to do what everyone else does. This is not as stupid as it sounds, doing something different can lead to unforseen problems. Should you use Microsoft Windows in your business? Everyone else does, so probably yes. The author gave an example of a sum with terms missing, apparently the answer was unguessable, given the lack of information 2+8+5+_=? Not so! It’s probably going to be less than 1000, less than 100, more like ~20. Which would have been a good guess.
Much time has been spent by psychologists trying to prove human stupidity. The famous example is “Linda the bank teller”, an outspoken, bright, socially aware former student of philosophy. Is it more probable that she is a) a bank teller, or b) a bank teller and a feminist? Most people answer b) this is apparently proof to psychologists that people are stupid and don’t understand probabilities. I think people not trained in the language of probability find the question ambiguous. It’s more likely that people interpret the question such that it doesn’t sound as stupid, they assume that a) means that she isn’t a feminist.
Obviously there are issues with intuitive thinking. The inferences are not logically valid, that is to say not necessarily true, given the information. Aspies lack the set of implicit assumptions “common sense” that most people have so find it hard to make the mental leaps which others make easily. Aspies tend to be more aware of how they think, this introduces a feeling of uncertainty into the assumptions themselves. If they are introspective types they will think outside the intuition system to think about the system itself. This also explains why they like to work within formal systems with explicit assumptions, like mathematics. We should all learn to move between different levels of thinking.
The section on sex was interesting, apart from the distasteful language "complex mating rituals". The author makes the mistake of assuming social conventions are designed and have a purpose. Rather they perpetuate themselves by forcing compliance on Aspies as well as NTs. Any man cannot be too direct for fear of appearing desperate or frustrated. Women have to think carefully about going home with a man if she perceives danger, it will be more difficult for her to leave if she has already dropped her pretense - plausible deniability.
The author needs to examine his own assumptions. For instance he states confidently that race is not a thing. He follows the common practise of asserting the non-existance of a category by showing that the border line is hazy. The exact line between land and ocean is hazy, but I believe they are both distinct categories. I'm white, no-one could think otherwise. He makes a similar assertion about Sexuality. It surprises me that the author neglects Biological Sex as having any influence on the brain, considering he is obviously a Biological determinist when it comes to Neurotype. "There are some ideas so absurd that only an intellectual could believe them".
August 4, 2012
A Field Guide to Earthlings: An Autistic/Asperger View of Neurotypical Behavior
By Ian Ford
Published by Ian Ford Software Corporation ISBN9780615426198
Given to me by publisher through arrangement with ReviewtheBook
I am almost 69 years old, and I was not diagnosed as autistic until I was in my fifties. That diagnosis was the most liberating experience of my life; within two weeks I could no longer even remember things I had been kicking myself for since I was as young as four. Despite the neurotypical mental picture of an autistic child wearing a football helmet and screaming, I have a PhD in English, am a world class fingerprint examiner, have published 23 books through major publishers, and have written, edited, and published many more as ebooks. I am a self-starter and I can define my work and do it.
But my interpersonal relationships are and always have been disastrous. My husband and I often find ourselves quarreling because each of us thinks he or she was perfectly clear and the other is willfully misunderstanding.
Ford explains why.
There are shared experiences and assumptions in the neurotypical world that the autistic person, no matter where he or she is on the autism spectrum, cannot understand. Often the “autie”—Ford’s phrase for a person with autism—is unable to express things in a way that neurotypical (normal) person can understand.
Ford identifies several differences between the autistic brain and the neurotypical brain. Some of these are (1) An infant’s brain has no screening mechanism. It accepts all input at the same time. In self-defense, the neurotypical brain develops screening techniques that allow only selected outside stimuli to get through. The autistic brain typically does not develop the screening mechanisms; instead, it learns to cope with a stream of competing input that would drive a neurotypical person mad.
(2) The adult neurotypical brain’s perception is limited to what it already “knows.” It develops a blind spot so that things that do not fit into its perceived universe are literally not seen or heard. The autistic brain readily takes in new stimuli and new thoughts.
(3) The neurotypical brain constantly converses in thoughts that underlie the words and are “understood” by the people conversing. The autistic brain does not understand the underlying conversation and tries to take part in what appears to be the topic under discussion. This is seen as taking part in the underlying conversation, and the autie is understood to mean things s/he does not and cannot mean.
(4) The neurotypical person constantly strives for dominance. The autie does not comprehend dominance nor does s/he comprehend what is going on.
(5) Sexual discussion is often carried on in code. The autie does not understand the code and is often perceived as making, or accepting, sexual advances which s/he does not comprehend. This may lead to what the neurotypical person believes is consentual sex and the autie perceives as forced sex.
(6) The neurotypical person belongs to one or more formal or informal groups, the values of which it internalizes. The autie is incapable of internalizing the values of anyone but himself/herself.
Although it appears that a neurotypical person and an autie are having a normal conversation, in fact communication is failing because there are levels in the autie’s discourse that the neurotypical cannot comprehend and vice versa. Quoting from p. 199: “If you have ever heard a political speech that seemed completely free of content, you are familiar with extremely associative people. Extreme associatives live in a socially constructed world and can use words for hours at a time, talk about words . . . and never ‘say anything’(from our [i.e., the auties’] point of view). They can talk about alliances, desert and other relational emotions, but might not say anything that counts as information to an autistic listener.” To a lesser extent, the same thing happens in what neurotypical people consider a normal conversation.
When people ask how autistic a person is, answering is difficult. “We all take what we are and develop different compensations to interface with the world. It is the compensating strengths that others use to judge “how autistic are you,” not the fundamental traits. . . . [D]on’t trust what someone looks like as a measure of their autism . . . Our thoughts appear … less encumbered by emotions, and we intuitively know that language is an invention. We cannot lie as easily” (pp. 200-201). We also cannot spot lies as easily.
By Ian Ford
Published by Ian Ford Software Corporation ISBN9780615426198
Given to me by publisher through arrangement with ReviewtheBook
I am almost 69 years old, and I was not diagnosed as autistic until I was in my fifties. That diagnosis was the most liberating experience of my life; within two weeks I could no longer even remember things I had been kicking myself for since I was as young as four. Despite the neurotypical mental picture of an autistic child wearing a football helmet and screaming, I have a PhD in English, am a world class fingerprint examiner, have published 23 books through major publishers, and have written, edited, and published many more as ebooks. I am a self-starter and I can define my work and do it.
But my interpersonal relationships are and always have been disastrous. My husband and I often find ourselves quarreling because each of us thinks he or she was perfectly clear and the other is willfully misunderstanding.
Ford explains why.
There are shared experiences and assumptions in the neurotypical world that the autistic person, no matter where he or she is on the autism spectrum, cannot understand. Often the “autie”—Ford’s phrase for a person with autism—is unable to express things in a way that neurotypical (normal) person can understand.
Ford identifies several differences between the autistic brain and the neurotypical brain. Some of these are (1) An infant’s brain has no screening mechanism. It accepts all input at the same time. In self-defense, the neurotypical brain develops screening techniques that allow only selected outside stimuli to get through. The autistic brain typically does not develop the screening mechanisms; instead, it learns to cope with a stream of competing input that would drive a neurotypical person mad.
(2) The adult neurotypical brain’s perception is limited to what it already “knows.” It develops a blind spot so that things that do not fit into its perceived universe are literally not seen or heard. The autistic brain readily takes in new stimuli and new thoughts.
(3) The neurotypical brain constantly converses in thoughts that underlie the words and are “understood” by the people conversing. The autistic brain does not understand the underlying conversation and tries to take part in what appears to be the topic under discussion. This is seen as taking part in the underlying conversation, and the autie is understood to mean things s/he does not and cannot mean.
(4) The neurotypical person constantly strives for dominance. The autie does not comprehend dominance nor does s/he comprehend what is going on.
(5) Sexual discussion is often carried on in code. The autie does not understand the code and is often perceived as making, or accepting, sexual advances which s/he does not comprehend. This may lead to what the neurotypical person believes is consentual sex and the autie perceives as forced sex.
(6) The neurotypical person belongs to one or more formal or informal groups, the values of which it internalizes. The autie is incapable of internalizing the values of anyone but himself/herself.
Although it appears that a neurotypical person and an autie are having a normal conversation, in fact communication is failing because there are levels in the autie’s discourse that the neurotypical cannot comprehend and vice versa. Quoting from p. 199: “If you have ever heard a political speech that seemed completely free of content, you are familiar with extremely associative people. Extreme associatives live in a socially constructed world and can use words for hours at a time, talk about words . . . and never ‘say anything’(from our [i.e., the auties’] point of view). They can talk about alliances, desert and other relational emotions, but might not say anything that counts as information to an autistic listener.” To a lesser extent, the same thing happens in what neurotypical people consider a normal conversation.
When people ask how autistic a person is, answering is difficult. “We all take what we are and develop different compensations to interface with the world. It is the compensating strengths that others use to judge “how autistic are you,” not the fundamental traits. . . . [D]on’t trust what someone looks like as a measure of their autism . . . Our thoughts appear … less encumbered by emotions, and we intuitively know that language is an invention. We cannot lie as easily” (pp. 200-201). We also cannot spot lies as easily.
December 7, 2013
I liked it and it did give some insights about Neurotypicals. (I discussed one of the insights with an NT who told me it was completely accurate). However, I sensed what felt like a faint vein of contempt towards Neurotypicals running through the book. I hoped that as the book progressed it would change into an attitude of respect, but instead the faint trace of contempt seemed to be growing stronger.
Us Aspies don't like it when someone such as Maxine Aston speaks of us with coldness and hopelessness- since we know how that feels, we should treat NTs the way we would like to be treated.
we should for our part produce words that treat of NTs with respect, understanding and warmth.
Us Aspies don't like it when someone such as Maxine Aston speaks of us with coldness and hopelessness- since we know how that feels, we should treat NTs the way we would like to be treated.
we should for our part produce words that treat of NTs with respect, understanding and warmth.
September 21, 2020
This book is the blind leading the blind.
I’m by no means a social etiquette master, but this is one gross oversimplification after the other. I understand reducing social behaviors down to simple rules is the point, but when you make the statement that everything NTs (neurotypical people) do is reduced down to social influence, that’s just plain wrong and takes away any agency they have. Does the author really believe people with ASD are unique in that they have their own intrinsic motivations not influenced by society?
I agree NTs put more importance on following social conventions and their standing within the group, but they’re painted as idiots despite the author repeating just how non judgmental he’s being. Maybe it’s a book aimed at people more autistic than me, but I feel the focus for “auties” should be to develop emotional intelligence and be more comfortable with abstracts, rather than try to make a not black and white world somehow fit their black and white views.
It’s clear the author is autistic and doing their best to make sense of all the crazy weird things going on around them, but I think they’re overestimating their understanding. The “conversations” are laughable, and it rubs me the wrong way that they want to act like an authority on general human behavior when the point of their condition is that they’re decidedly NOT the authority. I think this would have been much better if it had been a collaboration with an NT, because I don’t believe you can get the full picture without them.
I’m by no means a social etiquette master, but this is one gross oversimplification after the other. I understand reducing social behaviors down to simple rules is the point, but when you make the statement that everything NTs (neurotypical people) do is reduced down to social influence, that’s just plain wrong and takes away any agency they have. Does the author really believe people with ASD are unique in that they have their own intrinsic motivations not influenced by society?
I agree NTs put more importance on following social conventions and their standing within the group, but they’re painted as idiots despite the author repeating just how non judgmental he’s being. Maybe it’s a book aimed at people more autistic than me, but I feel the focus for “auties” should be to develop emotional intelligence and be more comfortable with abstracts, rather than try to make a not black and white world somehow fit their black and white views.
It’s clear the author is autistic and doing their best to make sense of all the crazy weird things going on around them, but I think they’re overestimating their understanding. The “conversations” are laughable, and it rubs me the wrong way that they want to act like an authority on general human behavior when the point of their condition is that they’re decidedly NOT the authority. I think this would have been much better if it had been a collaboration with an NT, because I don’t believe you can get the full picture without them.
October 15, 2020
Couldn't even get to the quarter way mark of this book. It is very insulting to people who don't have autism, making out that they are somehow inferior and almost 'pack animals' in a sense. Even as someone who has Asperger's I found this a harsh and uncomfortable read. The attitude of the writer is repulsive and makes me cringe. The science parts are just over complicated and not interesting. I wouldn't recommend.
September 2, 2018
Some of the explanations of social interactions are eyeopening, but the overall feeling of anger and bitterness, an elitist backlashof sorts is counterproductive in a book introduced as a help to understand other people.
March 3, 2018
20 % is extremely valuable, 80% is nonsense!
There is a lot of really valuable insight about the occasionally really strange behavior of "ordinary" people. Better than I have seen written any place else. When you run into "ordinary" people who are acting like fools, this book will help you.
The rest of the time, ignore what you read in this book.
There is a lot of really valuable insight about the occasionally really strange behavior of "ordinary" people. Better than I have seen written any place else. When you run into "ordinary" people who are acting like fools, this book will help you.
The rest of the time, ignore what you read in this book.
August 1, 2024
This book is super cool and requires intense focus
February 1, 2017
This is a easy, quick and fun book.
It's a refreshing change of perspective to see neurotypical people described from the perspective of an autist, rather that the much more common perspective of seeing autistic people described (often poorly!) from the perspective of a nt.
I think this book is a good read both for people on the autism-spectrum who wants to understand certain behavioural patterns in nts better and for nts who want to get a fresh new outside perspective on some aspects of their own behavior that is frequently puzzling to autists.
The book does read as fairly antagonistic towards nts in some places, and I do think that the author has misunderstood or incompletely understood some parts of nt behavior, personally though I found even these parts to be fairly amusing, because it's such a refreshing change of perspective from the equallly bad descriptions I've seen of autistic people by nts.
Some examples:
This last one in particular does sound overly bleak to me. The autistic people in my life have not only found a place for themselves among nts, but also have positive relationships of varying types to nts.
It's a refreshing change of perspective to see neurotypical people described from the perspective of an autist, rather that the much more common perspective of seeing autistic people described (often poorly!) from the perspective of a nt.
I think this book is a good read both for people on the autism-spectrum who wants to understand certain behavioural patterns in nts better and for nts who want to get a fresh new outside perspective on some aspects of their own behavior that is frequently puzzling to autists.
The book does read as fairly antagonistic towards nts in some places, and I do think that the author has misunderstood or incompletely understood some parts of nt behavior, personally though I found even these parts to be fairly amusing, because it's such a refreshing change of perspective from the equallly bad descriptions I've seen of autistic people by nts.
Some examples:
NTs can have trouble seeing or hearing things that they don’t already expect to see or hear, so new ideas can “fall on deaf ears.” It is not necessarily the case that they dislike new ideas; they might simply be unable to detect them because of symbolic filtering.
The patterns in this chapter explain how NTs get what they want from others, through such techniques as forming alliances, lying, and competing for rank and reputation. NT society is organized around these competitive techniques.
Lying is considered a normal and acceptable thing to do among NTs, despite what they may say about it. Since a main purpose of their communication is manipulation, communicating lies is just one of the ways of achieving that purpose.
A common source of power is knowing personal information about someone that would be embarrassing if it became public. When power-hungry NTs obtain information like this, their first thought is “how can I use this to my advantage?” One of the ways that is advantageous is to threaten the person that you will expose them unless they provide you an unrelated favor in return. Some - perhaps most - NTs will take any such opportunity and try to squeeze the most out of it, at times keeping a person under their control for years with a constant threat that is never acted out.
If the foregoing description of NTs sounds bleak, you may be wondering if there is any hope of fitting in or competing with them. The short answer is probably “no,” but you can still find yourself and make a place among them, perhaps even relate to them, without actually being the same as them.
This last one in particular does sound overly bleak to me. The autistic people in my life have not only found a place for themselves among nts, but also have positive relationships of varying types to nts.
May 25, 2012
“A Field Guide to Earthlings: An Autistic/Asperger View of Neurotypical Behavior” by Ian Ford is basically what the title implies… a guide for people on the autism spectrum about non-autistic people, referred to as neurotypicals (NT), and why NTs behave the way they do.
First off, this book is written from the view point of someone on the autism spectrum for other people on the spectrum. I have not seen a book that was written like this before for people with autism/Aspergers and I think it is a great idea! The author, Ian Ford, is a self-identified autistic who is trying to understand the world of NTs and wants to help other autistic people to understand that world also. This book is not written for neurotypicals. In fact, NTs might find the layout of this book a little strange… but for folks on the spectrum, I think that they will find the layout and the information quite compelling.
Mr. Ford covers all aspects of patterns of NT behavior such as: perception, communication, feelings, and relationships. Running throughout the book is a script where Mr. Ford has characters that act out scenes from a family who is having a wedding and incorporates what is happening in those scenes in his explanations of NT behaviors. Mr. Ford tries not to judge NT’s behaviors, but strives to put them in a context that a person on the spectrum would understand.
As I noted above, the audience for this book is for those on the autism spectrum. For them, I give it 5 stars. For NTs, though, I would give it 3 stars. This book, though, is for an adult audience since it has some language and sexual content in it. It would be really beneficial if a book such as this came out that was appropriate for children, perhaps with the scenes happening in a school setting. A lot of kids would benefit from this as they strive to understand the world around them.
Mr. Ford does not advocate that the autistic person change so that they mimic NT behaviors so they can fit in. Instead he encourages the autistic person “to remain authentic” and that “[t]he acting skills that you might learn to mask autism can be irrelevant or harmful to the process of self-discovery.”
First off, this book is written from the view point of someone on the autism spectrum for other people on the spectrum. I have not seen a book that was written like this before for people with autism/Aspergers and I think it is a great idea! The author, Ian Ford, is a self-identified autistic who is trying to understand the world of NTs and wants to help other autistic people to understand that world also. This book is not written for neurotypicals. In fact, NTs might find the layout of this book a little strange… but for folks on the spectrum, I think that they will find the layout and the information quite compelling.
Mr. Ford covers all aspects of patterns of NT behavior such as: perception, communication, feelings, and relationships. Running throughout the book is a script where Mr. Ford has characters that act out scenes from a family who is having a wedding and incorporates what is happening in those scenes in his explanations of NT behaviors. Mr. Ford tries not to judge NT’s behaviors, but strives to put them in a context that a person on the spectrum would understand.
As I noted above, the audience for this book is for those on the autism spectrum. For them, I give it 5 stars. For NTs, though, I would give it 3 stars. This book, though, is for an adult audience since it has some language and sexual content in it. It would be really beneficial if a book such as this came out that was appropriate for children, perhaps with the scenes happening in a school setting. A lot of kids would benefit from this as they strive to understand the world around them.
Mr. Ford does not advocate that the autistic person change so that they mimic NT behaviors so they can fit in. Instead he encourages the autistic person “to remain authentic” and that “[t]he acting skills that you might learn to mask autism can be irrelevant or harmful to the process of self-discovery.”
April 3, 2013
This book changed my life! I started reading it to better understand my boyfriend and my best friend, both ASpie--but as I read I had an epiphany and recognized myself.
Each chapter clarifies differences between autistic and neurotypical thinking patterns and greatly aids self-aware analysis. I would have to say that I understand more about the way I think since reading this book than at any time prior. This would be true for neurotypicals as well as ASpies, since the book explains and compares both ways of thinking.
This is a fascinating read for anyone interested in psychology or wanting to learn more about the ways they (and other people) think.
It's a godsend for autistics looking to learn how to communicate with neurotypicals and understand more about the neurotypical world we've found ourselves in.
Each chapter clarifies differences between autistic and neurotypical thinking patterns and greatly aids self-aware analysis. I would have to say that I understand more about the way I think since reading this book than at any time prior. This would be true for neurotypicals as well as ASpies, since the book explains and compares both ways of thinking.
This is a fascinating read for anyone interested in psychology or wanting to learn more about the ways they (and other people) think.
It's a godsend for autistics looking to learn how to communicate with neurotypicals and understand more about the neurotypical world we've found ourselves in.
April 22, 2022
This book attempts to communicate an autistic view of neurotypical behaviour. By “neurotypical” the author means so-called normal, non-autistic behaviour.
But this is the viewpoint of one individual autistic person and I found the latter’s style excessively cerebral, and not easily comprehensible; I found it a struggle to read the book so gave it up. I would point out that I myself am not neurotypical.
It is wonderful to be able to fully express one’s own individual point of view, but the whole point of communication is to make oneself understood, and in my view the book is not particularly comprehensible and the author’s style does not make the reader feel he/she wants to make the effort to break through this comprehensibility barrier.
But this is the viewpoint of one individual autistic person and I found the latter’s style excessively cerebral, and not easily comprehensible; I found it a struggle to read the book so gave it up. I would point out that I myself am not neurotypical.
It is wonderful to be able to fully express one’s own individual point of view, but the whole point of communication is to make oneself understood, and in my view the book is not particularly comprehensible and the author’s style does not make the reader feel he/she wants to make the effort to break through this comprehensibility barrier.
August 22, 2020
This book is written to an adult autistic/Nuero-diverse audience. And it is about understanding nuerotypical (NT) people. From that perspective, it is super insightful and helpful.
The play that is intertwined throughout the book wasn’t very helpful to me, personally. There are also stretches of the book that became monotonous. Lastly, it’s hard for me to distinguish between the author’s opinions and research-based findings. For those reasons, I gave it a 3-star rating. But without that it is definitely 4 stars for me.
If you are hoping to understand autistic adults better, this is not the book you are looking for. If you are an autistic adult trying to understand NTs, this is for you.
The play that is intertwined throughout the book wasn’t very helpful to me, personally. There are also stretches of the book that became monotonous. Lastly, it’s hard for me to distinguish between the author’s opinions and research-based findings. For those reasons, I gave it a 3-star rating. But without that it is definitely 4 stars for me.
If you are hoping to understand autistic adults better, this is not the book you are looking for. If you are an autistic adult trying to understand NTs, this is for you.
January 18, 2017
Excellent for Autists. Highly recommended.
April 4, 2020
This is the book that I've been wanting, and didn't know existed until now. It explains much and in clear language, like nothing I've seen before. A great read for actually aspergian people who are open-minded to receiving explanations. Ironically, many people who self-identify with a category of people that's based around common patterns of behavior, will then assert in public that you can't categorize or understand people, and chastise those of us who recognize that neurotypical behavior is different and seek to understand it.
This book presents examples and explanations that show how we're noticably different in behavior and where the differences arise in our divergent patterns of thinking. I disagree with it outright on just a few points: those that have to do with saying that distinct groups of people aren't scientifically identifiable because the line between them isn't clear. One can still find distinct examples from multiple groups that show the existence of the group; e.g., although it may not be 100% clear where the line lays between different identities, one can still think of individuals that are "right in the middle" of that group rather than "on the border," and that typify these identities enough for one to compare and contrast them. A small but surprising flaw in a work that's about these kinds of identities and differences.
If you've ever noticed that most people around you do the same odd or irritating thing and wanted to understand it, then this book is a good place to start. It covers subjects from small talk to meaningless words to decorating choices to sex. Even if its descriptions are conjecture and not 100% accurate, they're an interesting starting point for considering and drawing your own observations and conclusions — perhaps about behaviors that you never even noticed before.
This book presents examples and explanations that show how we're noticably different in behavior and where the differences arise in our divergent patterns of thinking. I disagree with it outright on just a few points: those that have to do with saying that distinct groups of people aren't scientifically identifiable because the line between them isn't clear. One can still find distinct examples from multiple groups that show the existence of the group; e.g., although it may not be 100% clear where the line lays between different identities, one can still think of individuals that are "right in the middle" of that group rather than "on the border," and that typify these identities enough for one to compare and contrast them. A small but surprising flaw in a work that's about these kinds of identities and differences.
If you've ever noticed that most people around you do the same odd or irritating thing and wanted to understand it, then this book is a good place to start. It covers subjects from small talk to meaningless words to decorating choices to sex. Even if its descriptions are conjecture and not 100% accurate, they're an interesting starting point for considering and drawing your own observations and conclusions — perhaps about behaviors that you never even noticed before.
September 29, 2024
This would be a 5 if it was substantiated
Intro
I think this book is for those autistics who, like myself, find the typical 'self help book' style difficult. For example, a common book that is recommended is "Unmasking Autism". By all accounts, the claims in that book are better supported, and potentially contain a lot of the same information with a more palatable tone, but for me that book is difficult to get through for reasons described in A Field Guide to Earthlings. It feels as if large parts of e.g. Unmasking Autism are 'fluff'. I think I landed in the part of the spectrum where I am particularly sensitive to 'fluff' and have little tolerance for it (not in the sense that I find it bad or wrong, but just that my brain does not work that way), and as a result many books of that kind have been difficult for me. For example, although I am fine with examples, lengthy anecdotes do not convey very much information to me. I do not extrapolate the larger 'point' that is being made in the same way.
This book feels as though it has been written for people with brains like mine. Straight to the point, a great many of the words used are precisely defined, and there is an underlying 'theory' that makes sense and is consistent with itself. Although it does start each chapter with a 'play', this part is easily skipped as it is clearly delineated where it begins and ends, and the rest of the book does not rely substantially on these parts.
In this regard, the book would be a 5. The book feels like it is structured in a way that I personally wish that all self help and non-fiction books would be structured, and to me the 'point' that the author is trying to make is very clear and well defined.
That said, the actual points that are being made are unsubstantiated in evidence, at least within the book itself. Although I have talked to some neurotypical people about many of the points in the book (especially useful was the 'tree first' vs 'forest first' characterization of learning) and they have said that it is accurate, and although it feels very helpful for me in understanding the world around me, I do find some of the claims troubling for reasons I will describe below, and would need more evidence to substantiate them to be comfortable making decisions based on these claims. This is the reason I have taken off 2 stars.
Main points in the book
Others have mentioned that the 'tone' of the book paints neurotypical people in a bad light, but I don't think this was the author's intention. The author does not make any value judgements about these claims, and I think that is part of his point. I think many autistic people, including myself, would not see neurotypical people as 'bad' or 'lesser' if the claims in the book were true. However, there are those on various parts of the spectrum that may not think the same way and thus may read more value judgments into what he is claiming (it is a spectrum after all).
In particular, I think he sums up his main thesis with these two quotes; describing his views on neurotypical behavior and autistic behavior respectively.
On neurotypical behavior:
On autistic behavior:
(he proceeds to make other points based on this assumption which I think do essentially follow)
I personally find these to be very neutral claims, and if true, I find them to be extremely helpful in understanding the world.
In particular, striving for achievement or success, or even power, is not inherently 'bad', even if measured by other people. For example, if you are a parent, it doesn't seem necessarily bad to strive to be a success in the eyes of your children, or to gain power enough to ensure that your children have a future and are safe. So although this is definitely not how my brain works by default, I do not necessarily think its bad if other people think that way.
It is arguable that the author should have emphasized this neutrality more, but it is not written for people who need this neutrality emphasized; it is written for people like me, who assume this neutrality until proven otherwise.
My problems with the book
That said I had two major problems with the points made in the book
1. There is no evidence presented in the book to substantiate these claims. It does match with my personal experience, and my experience in talking to Neurotypical people about the concepts in this book, but in my opinion that is not enough. There is both more evidence and more nuance needed.
2. I can see how many neurotypical people, and also autistic people on various parts of the spectrum, may find the claims about neurotypical behavior to be too extremely worded. Sure, the book is not written for neurotypical people, it is written for us. But combined with the 1st point (being unsubstantiated), this is a bit irresponsible. It is easy to see how a neurotypical person would assume that the author is claiming they are bad people (Again, I don't think this is what the author is actually saying, but the author's own 'patterns' predict that this is what neurotypical people would assume).
Also, and perhaps more troubling, there are some claims in the book that probably didn't need to be included. For example, there is a section in the book about sex, consent, and rape. I do think what the author was saying has the potential to be true, but it is unsubstantiated, and I do not see how this is helpful enough for autistic people in understanding the average neurotypical person to justify its inclusion without evidence. The author did express some discomfort in including it and gave disclaimers about that section, but still I am not sure its inclusion was justified.
The bit about the fact that sometimes neurotypical women say 'no' when they mean 'try harder' is something that I have personally experienced (e.g. I have asked a woman if she needed help in getting rid of someone she was saying no to repeatedly, and which I viewed as potential harassment, but said that she actually liked the attention), but in my opinion this is really not helpful for an autistic person, as being in a relationship with those people is probably just not going to work if you are autistic, and so in my opinion one should in general just take 'no' to mean 'no' if its not clear. So I am not sure why it was included and seems like it could harm more than help.
In general, I can also see how, even if substantiated, this part of this book about sex would not be even remotely helpful to anyone not attracted to women, or for that matter anyone lying outside of the typical norms of gender/sex.
To be clear, the author was definitely not endorsing taking 'no' to mean 'try harder' in general, or anything like that, he was merely expressing his bafflement by the fact that it is even possible for people to be a part of this 'game', and also how it is possible for people to carry out sexual assault, a bafflement which I do share and empathize with.
But still, this is a topic serious enough to be handled with care and, in particular, handled with actual evidence.
Conclusion
All that said, this book has given me a lot of food for thought. If some of the claims are true it will explain a lot about
1. why I have trouble in suggesting changes or providing constructive criticism at work
2. why small talk is so ubiquitous and what its purpose is
3. why it often feels like neurotypical people are just expecting me to 'read their minds' and how it often seems like neurotypical people are able to just 'read the minds' of other people
4. why neurotypical people seem to assume things that seem very important to me are unimportant or uninteresting (e.g. special interest)
And the list goes on. With the exception of a few sections that appear later in the book, the trouble is not the potential applicability of the claims, but whether or not the claims are actually true.
I plan on doing more research on a lot of the more useful claims involved, or potentially using this as a supplement to other books on autism that contain more actual evidence.
Tl;Dr
If even a small majority of the claims are true, this book will have been extremely helpful and illuminating for me personally, and would deserve 5 stars for its intended audience.
Even if the claims are true, however, I would keep it at 3, or maybe less, stars for Neurotypical people or more specifically people who like books with lots of anecdotes or who intuitively read a lot of intention behind words (even if they are neurodivergent). But neither of these groups is the intended audience of the book.
Intro
I think this book is for those autistics who, like myself, find the typical 'self help book' style difficult. For example, a common book that is recommended is "Unmasking Autism". By all accounts, the claims in that book are better supported, and potentially contain a lot of the same information with a more palatable tone, but for me that book is difficult to get through for reasons described in A Field Guide to Earthlings. It feels as if large parts of e.g. Unmasking Autism are 'fluff'. I think I landed in the part of the spectrum where I am particularly sensitive to 'fluff' and have little tolerance for it (not in the sense that I find it bad or wrong, but just that my brain does not work that way), and as a result many books of that kind have been difficult for me. For example, although I am fine with examples, lengthy anecdotes do not convey very much information to me. I do not extrapolate the larger 'point' that is being made in the same way.
This book feels as though it has been written for people with brains like mine. Straight to the point, a great many of the words used are precisely defined, and there is an underlying 'theory' that makes sense and is consistent with itself. Although it does start each chapter with a 'play', this part is easily skipped as it is clearly delineated where it begins and ends, and the rest of the book does not rely substantially on these parts.
In this regard, the book would be a 5. The book feels like it is structured in a way that I personally wish that all self help and non-fiction books would be structured, and to me the 'point' that the author is trying to make is very clear and well defined.
That said, the actual points that are being made are unsubstantiated in evidence, at least within the book itself. Although I have talked to some neurotypical people about many of the points in the book (especially useful was the 'tree first' vs 'forest first' characterization of learning) and they have said that it is accurate, and although it feels very helpful for me in understanding the world around me, I do find some of the claims troubling for reasons I will describe below, and would need more evidence to substantiate them to be comfortable making decisions based on these claims. This is the reason I have taken off 2 stars.
Main points in the book
Others have mentioned that the 'tone' of the book paints neurotypical people in a bad light, but I don't think this was the author's intention. The author does not make any value judgements about these claims, and I think that is part of his point. I think many autistic people, including myself, would not see neurotypical people as 'bad' or 'lesser' if the claims in the book were true. However, there are those on various parts of the spectrum that may not think the same way and thus may read more value judgments into what he is claiming (it is a spectrum after all).
In particular, I think he sums up his main thesis with these two quotes; describing his views on neurotypical behavior and autistic behavior respectively.
On neurotypical behavior:
The 'ultimate pattern' [of neurotypical behavior] is the pattern of achievement and failure - the idea of competing for the best place, or striving to be better. It is a social construction composed of two basic beliefs: (1) Life is essentially about achievement or success, and we are in an eternal competition to achieve the most; and (2) achievement can be measured by other people. (p. 141)
On autistic behavior:
The root difference is that the autistic person develops a type of brain that admits natural unfiltered stimuli and does not filter it (as much) using cultural meaning. The person does not become desensitized, and continues to see and hear and touch the world in a more direct way than NT adults do, because the symbolic filtering doesn’t protect the senses against the world...
(he proceeds to make other points based on this assumption which I think do essentially follow)
I personally find these to be very neutral claims, and if true, I find them to be extremely helpful in understanding the world.
In particular, striving for achievement or success, or even power, is not inherently 'bad', even if measured by other people. For example, if you are a parent, it doesn't seem necessarily bad to strive to be a success in the eyes of your children, or to gain power enough to ensure that your children have a future and are safe. So although this is definitely not how my brain works by default, I do not necessarily think its bad if other people think that way.
It is arguable that the author should have emphasized this neutrality more, but it is not written for people who need this neutrality emphasized; it is written for people like me, who assume this neutrality until proven otherwise.
My problems with the book
That said I had two major problems with the points made in the book
1. There is no evidence presented in the book to substantiate these claims. It does match with my personal experience, and my experience in talking to Neurotypical people about the concepts in this book, but in my opinion that is not enough. There is both more evidence and more nuance needed.
2. I can see how many neurotypical people, and also autistic people on various parts of the spectrum, may find the claims about neurotypical behavior to be too extremely worded. Sure, the book is not written for neurotypical people, it is written for us. But combined with the 1st point (being unsubstantiated), this is a bit irresponsible. It is easy to see how a neurotypical person would assume that the author is claiming they are bad people (Again, I don't think this is what the author is actually saying, but the author's own 'patterns' predict that this is what neurotypical people would assume).
Also, and perhaps more troubling, there are some claims in the book that probably didn't need to be included. For example, there is a section in the book about sex, consent, and rape. I do think what the author was saying has the potential to be true, but it is unsubstantiated, and I do not see how this is helpful enough for autistic people in understanding the average neurotypical person to justify its inclusion without evidence. The author did express some discomfort in including it and gave disclaimers about that section, but still I am not sure its inclusion was justified.
The bit about the fact that sometimes neurotypical women say 'no' when they mean 'try harder' is something that I have personally experienced (e.g. I have asked a woman if she needed help in getting rid of someone she was saying no to repeatedly, and which I viewed as potential harassment, but said that she actually liked the attention), but in my opinion this is really not helpful for an autistic person, as being in a relationship with those people is probably just not going to work if you are autistic, and so in my opinion one should in general just take 'no' to mean 'no' if its not clear. So I am not sure why it was included and seems like it could harm more than help.
In general, I can also see how, even if substantiated, this part of this book about sex would not be even remotely helpful to anyone not attracted to women, or for that matter anyone lying outside of the typical norms of gender/sex.
To be clear, the author was definitely not endorsing taking 'no' to mean 'try harder' in general, or anything like that, he was merely expressing his bafflement by the fact that it is even possible for people to be a part of this 'game', and also how it is possible for people to carry out sexual assault, a bafflement which I do share and empathize with.
But still, this is a topic serious enough to be handled with care and, in particular, handled with actual evidence.
Conclusion
All that said, this book has given me a lot of food for thought. If some of the claims are true it will explain a lot about
1. why I have trouble in suggesting changes or providing constructive criticism at work
2. why small talk is so ubiquitous and what its purpose is
3. why it often feels like neurotypical people are just expecting me to 'read their minds' and how it often seems like neurotypical people are able to just 'read the minds' of other people
4. why neurotypical people seem to assume things that seem very important to me are unimportant or uninteresting (e.g. special interest)
And the list goes on. With the exception of a few sections that appear later in the book, the trouble is not the potential applicability of the claims, but whether or not the claims are actually true.
I plan on doing more research on a lot of the more useful claims involved, or potentially using this as a supplement to other books on autism that contain more actual evidence.
Tl;Dr
If even a small majority of the claims are true, this book will have been extremely helpful and illuminating for me personally, and would deserve 5 stars for its intended audience.
Even if the claims are true, however, I would keep it at 3, or maybe less, stars for Neurotypical people or more specifically people who like books with lots of anecdotes or who intuitively read a lot of intention behind words (even if they are neurodivergent). But neither of these groups is the intended audience of the book.
June 26, 2020
This is the truest, most helpful book I have read since getting my late-in-life-Autism diagnosis (9 years ago)! It was published only two years before I received my Dx. I wish that I had encountered this book sooner. Because Ian Ford wrote it from our perspective it makes perfect sense, and everything he talks about rings true. This book clears up life-long confusions I’ve had and gave me the perspective on NT interactions that I have been missing, (I have always felt like I had missed out on the instruction manual for personal interactions: it seems people around me knew inherently what to do and how to not miss a beat when the rules suddenly switched up). Well this book is that missing instruction manual! Particularly the parts on “symbolic filtering,” “the belief web,” and “fluid truth,” things that I would have never figured out on my own, and the social casualties that I have suffered because I did not understand these things have been numerous and traumatic with life-long devastating consequences. I really wish I had found this book sooner! It should be required reading for everybody in their teens to early 20s whether autistic or not (because so many of us are undiagnosed)...and I think the NTs who read it could learn some very needed self awareness of their very illogical and contradictory ways of being due to their “belief webs.” (The world would be a much nicer place if they could get a clue on what they do)!
September 19, 2021
This book has changed my life, and I don't say that lightly.
After months of research, I strongly suspected I was autistic, but imposter syndrome had me well and fully in its clutches. Reading this book was like someone flipped the switch & the lights finally turned on. "Oh! That's why!"
Now, I understand why decades of observation and study have given me some great skills but not the achievement of being understood. Now I know why my carefully chosen words are often "not heard" or glossed over. Now, I understand why I thought others were playing the "Game of Houses" from The Wheel of Time (By Robert Jordan & Brandon Sanderson) series. Now I get the disconnect I experienced, but couldn't make sense of, in some past relationships. It's bittersweet.
I'm grateful to finally "get it", but I wish I'd known that I was autistic from when I was young. I wish my family had known. How much different would things have played out?
I can only move forward with greater understanding, now that "the lights are on."
After months of research, I strongly suspected I was autistic, but imposter syndrome had me well and fully in its clutches. Reading this book was like someone flipped the switch & the lights finally turned on. "Oh! That's why!"
Now, I understand why decades of observation and study have given me some great skills but not the achievement of being understood. Now I know why my carefully chosen words are often "not heard" or glossed over. Now, I understand why I thought others were playing the "Game of Houses" from The Wheel of Time (By Robert Jordan & Brandon Sanderson) series. Now I get the disconnect I experienced, but couldn't make sense of, in some past relationships. It's bittersweet.
I'm grateful to finally "get it", but I wish I'd known that I was autistic from when I was young. I wish my family had known. How much different would things have played out?
I can only move forward with greater understanding, now that "the lights are on."
January 17, 2020
I'm not sure what to think about this one. There was some good advice, mixed in with sweeping generalizations about neurotypicals. Overall, I wish there were two versions of this book, one honestly based on the author's experiences without universal generalizations about all autistic or all NT people, and another "basic social skills" book geared towards people on the spectrum. Maybe the alien/earthling dichotomy could have been used for humor value, with in-character commentary by an alien xenoanthropologist, or at least mentioned in more than passing.
A lot of books that promise to teach social/emotional skills seem to have an agenda or axe to grind, which is unfortunate, given that the people most in need of such advice shouldn't be made to listen to someone's personal rantings.
A lot of books that promise to teach social/emotional skills seem to have an agenda or axe to grind, which is unfortunate, given that the people most in need of such advice shouldn't be made to listen to someone's personal rantings.
June 25, 2025
This is an interesting option for those Autistics desiring the knowledge of a "culture broker"--someone who helps translate allistic ways to be more understandable to Autistics. The author sometimes wavers into a critical tone towards allistics, which is something the reader can take into account when considering their own take on the material.
The key take-aways for me were:
- allistics generally experience the world in a way that more easily integrates and sorts through sensory inputs
- building on this, they use many layers of communication simultaneously to communicate messages that are not contained in the content, and can be altered completely depending on context.
- allistics highly and involuntarily value social standing; much of their interactions and behaviors are sub/consciously driven by this, and they use their complex communication to serve that value.
- allistics struggle to understand that Autistics don't share the above qualities. Because they believe we share their values, and ability to communicate and intuitively understanding many layers (what I call "social fairy dust"), they believe we are intentionally snubbing them in many of our interest-based ways of communicating. (For more on that, see this blog, which I'd say is a good briefer stand-in for this book: http://bit.ly/4ei3SqO "Lost in translation? Autism and the interest-based social communication style" by Ásdís Bergþórsdóttir, The Nordic Psychiatrist).
Overall, while the author isn't a researcher and did not report on their methods, biases, etc. that would be appropriate for an empirical qualitative study, the discussions in this book do mesh well with my understanding of neurocognitive differences and biology of allistic and Autistic populations. Some examples of topics that dovetail with the observations in this book include the double-empathy problem, top-down vs. bottom-up processing, where in the brain social interactions are processed (temporal vs. frontal lobe), sensory processing differences including how it relates to the Predictive Processing Framework, and the values that have been observed to guide populations in both research and through community sources on lived experience.
The key take-aways for me were:
- allistics generally experience the world in a way that more easily integrates and sorts through sensory inputs
- building on this, they use many layers of communication simultaneously to communicate messages that are not contained in the content, and can be altered completely depending on context.
- allistics highly and involuntarily value social standing; much of their interactions and behaviors are sub/consciously driven by this, and they use their complex communication to serve that value.
- allistics struggle to understand that Autistics don't share the above qualities. Because they believe we share their values, and ability to communicate and intuitively understanding many layers (what I call "social fairy dust"), they believe we are intentionally snubbing them in many of our interest-based ways of communicating. (For more on that, see this blog, which I'd say is a good briefer stand-in for this book: http://bit.ly/4ei3SqO "Lost in translation? Autism and the interest-based social communication style" by Ásdís Bergþórsdóttir, The Nordic Psychiatrist).
Overall, while the author isn't a researcher and did not report on their methods, biases, etc. that would be appropriate for an empirical qualitative study, the discussions in this book do mesh well with my understanding of neurocognitive differences and biology of allistic and Autistic populations. Some examples of topics that dovetail with the observations in this book include the double-empathy problem, top-down vs. bottom-up processing, where in the brain social interactions are processed (temporal vs. frontal lobe), sensory processing differences including how it relates to the Predictive Processing Framework, and the values that have been observed to guide populations in both research and through community sources on lived experience.
February 17, 2024
Few books have generated so many mixed feelings, but after some time digging up other perspectives and letting things percolate, I think I’ve been able to come away from this with a concrete view of it: There is a raw nugget of incredibly important, interesting, engaging and enlightening insight here, but the package itself needs further revisions. Mostly because of frequent typographical and grammatical errors, but there are other things going on that lead me to believe it could benefit from an editor.
Part of the hesitancy I experienced through reading this came from concern driven by my own personal need for safety: How accurate is this, really? Is the neurotypical world really like this? Am I really this… Alien? My gut says, unfortunately, I probably am, because this book answers so many questions about my own life experience I had yet to fully enunciate. Is it that it all makes perfect sense, and I just want it to be inaccurate?
The title importantly illustrates the perspective the author has taken on; fully embracing the “wrong planet syndrome” and viewing the NT world through an anthropological lens. This doesn’t, however, clear away the inevitable cultural responses people are going to make. Even autistics are going to get hung up on cultural associations throughout the book, and there have been negative reactions because of that. Which is unfortunate, because it’s clear that those associations are there in spite of the author’s best efforts.
In other words, I think there is a very valuable book here, but that it needs revisions to reach its full potential.
Part of the hesitancy I experienced through reading this came from concern driven by my own personal need for safety: How accurate is this, really? Is the neurotypical world really like this? Am I really this… Alien? My gut says, unfortunately, I probably am, because this book answers so many questions about my own life experience I had yet to fully enunciate. Is it that it all makes perfect sense, and I just want it to be inaccurate?
The title importantly illustrates the perspective the author has taken on; fully embracing the “wrong planet syndrome” and viewing the NT world through an anthropological lens. This doesn’t, however, clear away the inevitable cultural responses people are going to make. Even autistics are going to get hung up on cultural associations throughout the book, and there have been negative reactions because of that. Which is unfortunate, because it’s clear that those associations are there in spite of the author’s best efforts.
In other words, I think there is a very valuable book here, but that it needs revisions to reach its full potential.
December 6, 2024
A very good essay at analysing the NT-ND Divide
An essay, that is, in the sense of an attempt. There is a great deal of insightful observation and thinking here, but I feel there is much work needed to tighten and refine these ideas, not because they're poor but because they're trying to break new ground.
We are probably in the first couple of generations of autistic people being in a position to describe their own experience and this attempt to do so analytically by studying the so-called typical people of the population is a necessary step in the dialogue.
I feel that at times there is some humour here in that analysis, but there is also pain and perhaps at times a touch of bitterness, but how could it be otherwise?
This attempt to observe and categorise and interrelate patterns of differential understandings is a great offering for us all to think about and should be taken, I think, in the spirit of a scientific hypothesis, calling for testing, refinement, peer review.
The author emphasises several times that in order to sketch out these observed patterns it has been necessary to present them in their starkest forms. Most "neurotypicals" will not be this extreme, but with careful reflection they may start to see where they do fit into these sketches of a sort of boundary between tribes.
Many autistic people reading this are likely to hear a lot of bells ringing. If some non-autistics also, through reading this, recognise patterns they can recognise, then perhaps a bridge of real understanding might begin to be made.
An essay, that is, in the sense of an attempt. There is a great deal of insightful observation and thinking here, but I feel there is much work needed to tighten and refine these ideas, not because they're poor but because they're trying to break new ground.
We are probably in the first couple of generations of autistic people being in a position to describe their own experience and this attempt to do so analytically by studying the so-called typical people of the population is a necessary step in the dialogue.
I feel that at times there is some humour here in that analysis, but there is also pain and perhaps at times a touch of bitterness, but how could it be otherwise?
This attempt to observe and categorise and interrelate patterns of differential understandings is a great offering for us all to think about and should be taken, I think, in the spirit of a scientific hypothesis, calling for testing, refinement, peer review.
The author emphasises several times that in order to sketch out these observed patterns it has been necessary to present them in their starkest forms. Most "neurotypicals" will not be this extreme, but with careful reflection they may start to see where they do fit into these sketches of a sort of boundary between tribes.
Many autistic people reading this are likely to hear a lot of bells ringing. If some non-autistics also, through reading this, recognise patterns they can recognise, then perhaps a bridge of real understanding might begin to be made.
May 30, 2020
I really enjoyed reading this as an allistic person. It was funny and educational, and explained a lot of cultural patterns I’ve figured out over time through socialization and internalization, but explained them better than I could. I especially enjoyed Ford’s acute description of small talk and his early explanation of the symbolic web.
I didn’t find the actual play itself to feel particularly accurate or engaging, but I think that mostly has to do with the general adage that people are predictable in large groups but rarely predictable as individuals. The characters were more like archetypes or symbols themselves rather than real people, but that was fine because they served their purpose of providing a storyline to break up the NT cultural rules and specific examples to tie the rules back to.
I think this is a great read for anyone who’s curious about the emperor’s new clothes effects of how NT culture is created and maintained.
I didn’t find the actual play itself to feel particularly accurate or engaging, but I think that mostly has to do with the general adage that people are predictable in large groups but rarely predictable as individuals. The characters were more like archetypes or symbols themselves rather than real people, but that was fine because they served their purpose of providing a storyline to break up the NT cultural rules and specific examples to tie the rules back to.
I think this is a great read for anyone who’s curious about the emperor’s new clothes effects of how NT culture is created and maintained.
December 27, 2024
It's a "self help" book, and I won't usually go within ten feet of a self help book, but I didn't read it for self help.
It was a suggestion from an Aspie acquaintence and I thought it might be interesting to read about the rather baffling social practices of NTs from an analytical standpoint.
I didn't agree with everything in the book, but it was an intriguing read. I already had theories close to some of the author's about NTs seemingly pointless and preformative communication "rituals," but this expanded upon it.
There were quite a few examples where I thought, "that's why they do that!"
Toward the end, the author included an excerpt of something an AS friend had said to him regarding NTs, and that probably resonated with me the most, tbh.
I'd definitely recommend to other Aspies/ASDs if they're looking for some insight. If you're AS/ASD and looking for a book that's going to teach and encourage you to mask, this is probably not what you're looking for.
It was a suggestion from an Aspie acquaintence and I thought it might be interesting to read about the rather baffling social practices of NTs from an analytical standpoint.
I didn't agree with everything in the book, but it was an intriguing read. I already had theories close to some of the author's about NTs seemingly pointless and preformative communication "rituals," but this expanded upon it.
There were quite a few examples where I thought, "that's why they do that!"
Toward the end, the author included an excerpt of something an AS friend had said to him regarding NTs, and that probably resonated with me the most, tbh.
I'd definitely recommend to other Aspies/ASDs if they're looking for some insight. If you're AS/ASD and looking for a book that's going to teach and encourage you to mask, this is probably not what you're looking for.
July 26, 2018
The author relies on allegories and metaphors to explain numerous characteristics of neurotypical folk. I do the same, but found that the author's allegories confused me. We clearly don't think the same way, so I couldn't relate and therefore found myself unable to follow the author. After several chapters I shelved the book out of fatigue. I recommend reading a sample to see if the author's mind makes sense to you before purchasing.
April 9, 2024
I thought this would be more accessible for preteens and teenagers (based on the title and cover), but it was much more anthropological than is really interesting for the teens and preteens in my life. I found it interesting, but also depressing. The perspective on neurotypicals is quite negative (that their interactions are about status and what they can get out of an interaction) that made me quite sad about neurotypicals, but also I just don't think that's accurate.
June 4, 2024
THANK YOU
I am so grateful for your depth of insight into the neurotypical ways of being and relating. Thanks for this book, I now feel like I am overthinking less and taking others’ actions toward me less personally. I also gained an appreciation for the unspoken ways in which I’ve felt alienated and gained compassion for NT people- it must be so hard always feeling like you’re in competition with everyone else.
I am so grateful for your depth of insight into the neurotypical ways of being and relating. Thanks for this book, I now feel like I am overthinking less and taking others’ actions toward me less personally. I also gained an appreciation for the unspoken ways in which I’ve felt alienated and gained compassion for NT people- it must be so hard always feeling like you’re in competition with everyone else.
May 18, 2017
Quite a few good observations, organised in sections. Strongly focused on language (as the core of culture). Even being quite aware of the subject, I was able to learn a few things (especially related to group identity).
On bad part - dialogues are painful to read and hardly elucidate anything (examples of 2-3 sentences would be better). Also, it patronise NTs and magnify their NT-ness.
On bad part - dialogues are painful to read and hardly elucidate anything (examples of 2-3 sentences would be better). Also, it patronise NTs and magnify their NT-ness.
November 5, 2022
antidote to the never ending gas-lighting
As a 44 y/o female autistic this book has been a godsend.
I was in a downward spiral of depression. This book has made me reconsider ending it all.
Thank you for helping me realise that I have some good qualities and I’m not the awful person I’m made out to be.
As a 44 y/o female autistic this book has been a godsend.
I was in a downward spiral of depression. This book has made me reconsider ending it all.
Thank you for helping me realise that I have some good qualities and I’m not the awful person I’m made out to be.
December 5, 2023
Great content, rough delivery. But then again it is written from an Autistic person's perspective.
I myself am recently diagnosed and find the details supportive and refreshing, however the author does go a bit too far and often explains things with the maturity of a 10 year old. As with most things...there's "a grain of salt"
For example...the author tries to explain racism? Really?
I myself am recently diagnosed and find the details supportive and refreshing, however the author does go a bit too far and often explains things with the maturity of a 10 year old. As with most things...there's "a grain of salt"
For example...the author tries to explain racism? Really?
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