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Road Through Wonderland
Painstakingly honest, this chilling memoir reveals how a teenager became immersed in the bizarre life of legendary porn star John Holmes. Starting with a childhood that molded her perfectly to fall for the seduction of "the king of porn," this autobiography recounts the perilous road that Dawn Schiller traveled--from drugs and addiction to beatings, arrests, forced prostitution, and being sold to the drug underworld. After living through the horrific Wonderland murders of 1981, she entered protective custody, ran from the FBI, and turned in John Holmes to the police. This is the true story of a young girl's harrowing escape from one of the most infamous public figures, her struggle to survive, and her recovery from unthinkable abuse.
390 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2010
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 193 reviews
November 15, 2012
Just about everybody knows who John Holmes is. Most would probably also know about The Wonderland Murders. While I never saw the movie, I did have some idea of what it was about. Or at least I thought I did. Turns out, I had no idea about any of it until after I read this book.
This is Dawn Schiller's personal memoir and life's story. It's not just about John Holmes though, although that's the brunt of the book. It starts in her earlier years growing up in Point Pleasant NJ (not all that far from my neck of the woods actually) where she was born to a German immigrant and a war veteran. It the continues along her life's incredible journey. From New Jersey, to Florida, To California, BACK to Florida and places overseas, Dawn Schiller chronicles a long period in her life where betrayal, abuse and being exploited were the norm.
Reading this book I couldn't help but think how, from an early age, everything was set against Dawn. Her mother was a harsh disciplinarian. Her father, having come back from the Vietnam war, was never the same. After moving the family to Florida against her will, her father takes her and her sister Terry across country, doing drugs, drinking and taking in the sights when they meet a hitchhiker whom they pick up. The man they pick up offers to set them up with living accommodations in Glendale, CA when they get there. It just so happens that the little bungalow community they end up squatting at is managed by John Holmes. He takes an immediate liking to Dawn. He was 32, working in the porn industry. She was 15 years old. From that point on, Dawn was exposed to a life of drugs, prostitution and both physical and mental abuse that lasted for years. It just read like a perfect alignment of pitfalls set up with the specific purpose of destroying Dawn's teenage years and that's exactly what happened, all of it out of her control.
Despite the darker nature of the book (drugs, abuse, John's job in the porn industry, etc, etc) it never once glorifies any of it. As a matter of fact, I was surprised at how 'clean' a read this memoir was. Most people know what made John Holmes so famous, but she doesn't go into great detail about it. There is no titillation factor here. There's even a surprising lack of profanity. It's impressive, given the main focus of the book.
Through the book, because of the very good writing, you get into her head and you can almost feel the conflict in her. The John she ended up with was not the John she met and fell in love with as an inexperienced and idealistic middle teenager. There were shades of his darker nature that would crop up from time to time but as the book progresses, you can see his slow descent into his dark half. It's really chilling to read. But, perhaps the most impressive thing is Dawn's rebirth after John Holmes. How she picked up the pieces of her life, gathered herself and moved on. He still haunts her and he probably always will but her strength of character is nothing short of amazing.
For anybody on the fence, don't let the title turn you off. This isn't a 'sex' book (there's, amazingly, very little description of sex in the book at all). This is a survivor's story and it's fantastic in its brutal depiction of a life that took a wrong turn due to outside circumstances but eventually rights itself.
This is Dawn Schiller's personal memoir and life's story. It's not just about John Holmes though, although that's the brunt of the book. It starts in her earlier years growing up in Point Pleasant NJ (not all that far from my neck of the woods actually) where she was born to a German immigrant and a war veteran. It the continues along her life's incredible journey. From New Jersey, to Florida, To California, BACK to Florida and places overseas, Dawn Schiller chronicles a long period in her life where betrayal, abuse and being exploited were the norm.
Reading this book I couldn't help but think how, from an early age, everything was set against Dawn. Her mother was a harsh disciplinarian. Her father, having come back from the Vietnam war, was never the same. After moving the family to Florida against her will, her father takes her and her sister Terry across country, doing drugs, drinking and taking in the sights when they meet a hitchhiker whom they pick up. The man they pick up offers to set them up with living accommodations in Glendale, CA when they get there. It just so happens that the little bungalow community they end up squatting at is managed by John Holmes. He takes an immediate liking to Dawn. He was 32, working in the porn industry. She was 15 years old. From that point on, Dawn was exposed to a life of drugs, prostitution and both physical and mental abuse that lasted for years. It just read like a perfect alignment of pitfalls set up with the specific purpose of destroying Dawn's teenage years and that's exactly what happened, all of it out of her control.
Despite the darker nature of the book (drugs, abuse, John's job in the porn industry, etc, etc) it never once glorifies any of it. As a matter of fact, I was surprised at how 'clean' a read this memoir was. Most people know what made John Holmes so famous, but she doesn't go into great detail about it. There is no titillation factor here. There's even a surprising lack of profanity. It's impressive, given the main focus of the book.
Through the book, because of the very good writing, you get into her head and you can almost feel the conflict in her. The John she ended up with was not the John she met and fell in love with as an inexperienced and idealistic middle teenager. There were shades of his darker nature that would crop up from time to time but as the book progresses, you can see his slow descent into his dark half. It's really chilling to read. But, perhaps the most impressive thing is Dawn's rebirth after John Holmes. How she picked up the pieces of her life, gathered herself and moved on. He still haunts her and he probably always will but her strength of character is nothing short of amazing.
For anybody on the fence, don't let the title turn you off. This isn't a 'sex' book (there's, amazingly, very little description of sex in the book at all). This is a survivor's story and it's fantastic in its brutal depiction of a life that took a wrong turn due to outside circumstances but eventually rights itself.
May 8, 2011
AMAZING! This was one of the most moving memoirs I've read in a long time. Most memoirs are dull, linear, and really blandly discuss day to day events. I was not bored at all here. Dawn has successfully written one of the best books I have EVER read! I could not put it down and then when I finished the book I could not wait to read it again! I have seen the movie Wonderland and read a lot about John Holmes but reading Dawn's experience and her take on what happened was truly incredible. This book tells Dawn's story of her experiences with John Holmes and takes you on a whirlwind of emotions. If anyone is looking for a great read even if you have no idea about John Holmes, or the Wonderland murders, this book is the one to buy! This book was extremely well-written. I hope Dawn continues to write and I would love to read more books written by her~
June 17, 2012
Easy read, but brutal story that left me yearning for more on the real John Holmes. Dawn is a survivor and I can see how easy it might have been at that age to have fallen into this mans spell. Would recommend to others.
March 6, 2012
An incredible story written by one of the people behind the "Wonderland" movie, telling about her childhood, and how she ended up with John Holmes at 15 by happenstance. Also the behind-the-scenes story of how she survived the bizarre life Holmes enticed her into as she fell for him. Drugs, forced prostitution, arrests and much more. And of course the killings, which I wanted to know more about also. Dawn's had quite a life. I'm glad she shared her story.
June 29, 2014
This was an incredibly difficult book for me to read. Not because it was poorly written, and not because I lost interest. No, I could not understand, and still do not understand, how someone who escapes from an abusive relationship into a safe environment surrounded by people who truly care would choose to go back into that relationship.
I suppose that is the strength of the book, in that it introduced me to behavior that I do not understand. The difficult part is that, while I am willing to offer help, I'm not sure that I want to understand that behavior.
For those who are reading this as either a "true crime" story or an inside glimpse into the pornography industry, there will be disappointment. The writer was on the outside of the Wonderland killings, and offers little insight into the investigation of the story behind them. Although she was also the companion of John Holmes, there is no indication that she was directly introduced to the pornography industry. (Those wanting an inside view should read GIRLVERT.)
No, this is the story of how a teenager was seduced by love into an abusive relationship. The desire for thrills turns slowly into a nightmare and, once there, only provides brief moments of relief. It is a starkly unpleasant tale that leaves a bitter taste when it is finished.
For those wanting insight into how an abusive relationship can happen and continue, it is probably required reading.
I suppose that is the strength of the book, in that it introduced me to behavior that I do not understand. The difficult part is that, while I am willing to offer help, I'm not sure that I want to understand that behavior.
For those who are reading this as either a "true crime" story or an inside glimpse into the pornography industry, there will be disappointment. The writer was on the outside of the Wonderland killings, and offers little insight into the investigation of the story behind them. Although she was also the companion of John Holmes, there is no indication that she was directly introduced to the pornography industry. (Those wanting an inside view should read GIRLVERT.)
No, this is the story of how a teenager was seduced by love into an abusive relationship. The desire for thrills turns slowly into a nightmare and, once there, only provides brief moments of relief. It is a starkly unpleasant tale that leaves a bitter taste when it is finished.
For those wanting insight into how an abusive relationship can happen and continue, it is probably required reading.
August 25, 2012
The memoir of Dawn Schiller who became John Holmes "girlfriend" at the age of 15. This book was truly shocking and shows just how sick is the mind of a pedophile. The story starts out with her life growing up in a broken home filled with drug abuse to her meeting porn star John Holmes who takes her in by showing her "love and affection" and gaining her trust which eventually leads to a relationship of tragic abuse that will change her life forever. I highly recommend this book. It gives a voice to so many throw away children who are pushed into a lifestyle not of their choosing and shows how they are taken advantage of by the dregs of society. I also liked how the author listed various help shelters and websites throughout the country in the back of the book to assist those dealing with this situation.
August 24, 2011
This book is excellent. I had not much knowledge of this story until I stumbled across the movie. After seeing there was a book, I was intrigued. It is quite a different portrayal than the film, a true and raw story of a life in chaos. And how this man came into this child's life and stole so much from her. It doesn't concentrate on his career but more their relationship and how their personalities led them to be the perfect fit at first which locked her in for a horrible ride with this man. Seemingly sweet and kind, just what she needed... but then he exposed his sick, evil ways, a sad, drugged excuse for a human being. The people she comes into contact with throughout her story are detailed so unbelievably, its like you can see their faces, hear their thoughts,and feel thier fears. Her writing also leaves the reader enough room to analyze these individuals, which makes it such and entertaining read. Anyone who is compelled by the strength of the human soul will find this book exceptional. The writing; its just fantastic. Dawn tells her gripping story with an ease and grace which seems impossible to manage considering the topics detailed. It draws you in and keeps you there, in her life, through her pain, turmoil and finally, enlightenment and freedom. I can see this book, and her life's work, as a savior to anyone who needs to believe that the worst things imaginable, heartbreaking times and impossible situations can be overcome and lead to better days. This book is so well written, and the story so compelling; after reading it you will feel as if you know her, can relate to her. It will leave every bit your heart with such satisfaction that she is now happy. I thank her so much for sharing her story.
August 4, 2012
This true story is so haunting you will fly through the pages - even electronically, as I did! If this book had not been offered as a free Kindle selection, I probably would never had read it... but it is a story all should know and understand. It shows how others can manipulate you and deceive you (as John Holmes did Dawn Schiller) when you reach outside to others for approval and self-esteem. It shows how easily pedophiles can groom young people, how drugs and alcohol can change everyone you trust, how there is true evil everywhere and how hard it is to escape ... so many primetime issues that people like me often do not understand. Thank you, Dawn, for sharing your story so we can learn and be aware when we work with youth or raise our own children or even come in contact with human trafficking right under our noses.
September 22, 2017
This was definitely an unsettling, upsetting, and heartbreaking memoir. Dawn Schiller had a rough childhood to say the least. With a deadbeat dad, and lots of crime and drugs she had to grow up very quickly. When she finds herself in California at 15 she meets the enigmatic Porn King, John Holmes (aka Johnny Wadd). He quickly seduces her even though he is already in his mid thirties and she isn't even close to legal. Their relationship quickly escalates and he moves her in to his wife's house to live with them. Things start to spiral out of control quickly though when they start heavily using crack. Not content to just snort it they start freebasing it as well. John's porn career is over and he finds himself heavily in debt as his drug usage mounts. He starts beating Dawn and forces her into prostitution to get more money for drugs. Things take a dark turn when Dawn realizes that he has somehow been involved in a murder in Wonderland. All the reader wants is for Dawn to leave John. He is LITERALLY THE WORST! But that is abuse for you, not only is it physical but mental too. Dark and unreal, the movie version stars Val Kilmer and Kate Bosworth.
September 16, 2012
I watched the 2003 movie 'Wonderland' starring Val Kilmer, and Kate Bosworth, and for some reason didn't connect that movie with this book. Having forgotten the title of the movie, and never really having heard anything about John Holmes other than his extremely large (ahem)penis, I guess that's why I forgot. I didn't even remember the murders that took place in the movie, I really wonder about my mind sometimes...I'll have to watch that movie once again now that I have read this book.
After Dawn's parents divorce she, and her sister Terry decide they want to live with their hippie father. They have missed him while he was over seas supposedly sitting in a foriegn jail, and they long to escape the horror and violence of their current surroundings. After a tearful goodbye to their mom, and little brother they set off for California without any real destination in mind other than the state itself. Along the way they pick up a hitchhiker in the hopes that he will have some pot. Not only does he have some pot, but it's their lucky day when he too is going to California, and also offers them a place to stay at his girlfriend Harriet's. It's while at Harriet's that Dawn meets John Holmes. He manages the cottages along with his wife Sharon, and is also seemingly the neighborhood pot dealer.
John Holmes works out ways to be near Dawn, and with a neglectful father it's not too hard for him to weasel his way into her life. At first Dawn only sees thirty two year old John as a much older man, but he knows what he's doing, and eventually wins the fifteen year olds affections. At first Dawn is quite happy with John, and even more overjoyed when she eventually comes to live with him. She lives in a somewhat happy bliss for a while until pot isn't the only drug the two share a common interest in. Freebase enters into their lives, and before they know what hit them their lives have been swept away on the currents of a drug fueled wave about to crash into the shore.
I couldn't stand to put this book down! The only complaint is that some parts are a little too drawn out, but I'm sure Dawn did that in an attempt to show how she was swept along in John's crazy world. If it wasn't for me feeling that some parts were exhausted then this could have been a five star read for sure.
After Dawn's parents divorce she, and her sister Terry decide they want to live with their hippie father. They have missed him while he was over seas supposedly sitting in a foriegn jail, and they long to escape the horror and violence of their current surroundings. After a tearful goodbye to their mom, and little brother they set off for California without any real destination in mind other than the state itself. Along the way they pick up a hitchhiker in the hopes that he will have some pot. Not only does he have some pot, but it's their lucky day when he too is going to California, and also offers them a place to stay at his girlfriend Harriet's. It's while at Harriet's that Dawn meets John Holmes. He manages the cottages along with his wife Sharon, and is also seemingly the neighborhood pot dealer.
John Holmes works out ways to be near Dawn, and with a neglectful father it's not too hard for him to weasel his way into her life. At first Dawn only sees thirty two year old John as a much older man, but he knows what he's doing, and eventually wins the fifteen year olds affections. At first Dawn is quite happy with John, and even more overjoyed when she eventually comes to live with him. She lives in a somewhat happy bliss for a while until pot isn't the only drug the two share a common interest in. Freebase enters into their lives, and before they know what hit them their lives have been swept away on the currents of a drug fueled wave about to crash into the shore.
I couldn't stand to put this book down! The only complaint is that some parts are a little too drawn out, but I'm sure Dawn did that in an attempt to show how she was swept along in John's crazy world. If it wasn't for me feeling that some parts were exhausted then this could have been a five star read for sure.
October 15, 2012
So after many times of typing this review and deleting this is what I got ~ For as long as I remember I have known who John Holmes was. I heard his name growing up. I read anything I can on him. Almost like I want to figure out why he turned to the drugs. Was he messed up as a kid. Or just get into he scene because of his role as a porn star. I had never heard of Dawn before her book. I am glad I got a chance to see him from someones view besides the media. After reading halfway through I knew he must have felt like a freak growing up. As much as it gave him a career it also stole things from his life. Sad story. Now onto Dawn...what a mess her father allowed her to get into. I understand at 15 she thought for herself and maybe he did not have much to say about it. Its obviouse John was a pedator. I assume to mold her to what he wanted her to be. Afraid, infatuated and dependant on him. Again PREDATOR. One has to wonder was he just afraid to be alone in his drug problem..neeeded someone to be high with. These people can drag you in if your not strong enough. Which at 15 and already leading a miss guided life Dawn was the perfect target. Dawn showed so much stregnth when she turned him in. Even if it were not intentional she still turned him in. Great move on her part. He could have sucked her back into his web of lies and bad dealings and got her killed. I think for a NON writer she did an amazing job putting her story into words. This book was very well written IMO. I am glad she went onto become a succesful drug free adult. Sad John had to die the way he did. Suffering. Then again maybe its karma??? who knows.
February 19, 2018
Wow. Just Wow. I just finished the book "The Road Through Wonderland: Surviving John Holmes. This true story was absolutely incredible. I have not read such a gripping, touching, brutal, true, autobiography like this in a very long time. I tend to enjoy autobiographies more, due to them actually being true. The truth makes the story more real. I was born in 1990, so this book takes place some years before I was born, so their were alot of facts and history in this book that was new to me. John Holmes was a true piece of shit pedophile. In the beginning, I started to notice how he would look at Dawn, and how she was flattered for the attention, due to her young age. John knew exactly what he was doing to Dawn. The fact he was a porn star, just made him even more of a perverted sicko. At first, he come off as a nice guy, willing to help any and everyone with whatever they needed. I did not approve of him and Dawn what so ever. I felt so bad for Dawn many times throughout the book, for being manipulated into thinking what she was feeling was real love. John Holmes was grooming her, and made her into his perfect little puppet. From 15 to 17, I hated the fact her and John were together. It made me sick to my stomach, especially the scene on the beach, where their both naked, her a teenager, him a grown ass man, getting painted on the beach together butt naked. That literally made me cringe. John had Dawn in his hand, and due to her being young and naive, never even knew what was coming for her. Dawn's story tells the story of many throwaway teens in this country, and other countries. Children being scoped out by predators, given love and affection, making them think that it's okay to be with a person who is an adult, while your a child. Poor Dawn never had a chance. A shitty childhood is not to blame, but I blame her parents the most for her vulnerability. If her dad was any kind of dad, he would have taken Dawn away from John the first time he suspected something. I know I would have if I was her father. This story had me on the edge of my seat constantly. The relationship between Dawn, John, and Sharon was very awkward, but very believable. Sharon was just a good person, and refused to see the bad in anyone. She knew all along about Dawn and John, Why did she never say anything, knowing John was a pedophile, her own husband, manipulated a teenager girl, and has now brought her into their home. I truly believe Sharon just tried to block it out, and refuse to accept it. I already disliked John very much, but when the abuse started, I almost couldn't take it. I love nitty gritty, brutal, truthful, dark, twisted, books, but the scene in this book where John is out of drugs, storm in the motel room, accuses dawn of cheating, starts beating her, tore me apart. Thor, Dawn's little companion chiwahwah, tries to stand up to John, while he's beating the shit out of dawn, and actually growls for the first time. When John slung Thor against the wall, and he "yelped" all I wanted to do was cry. The little fellow was only trying to protect his mother. He was brave for trying to protect Dawn, and then on, I wanted something very bad to happen to John abusing Dawn and Thor at the same time. When dawn describes Thor licking her face, trying to wake her up from her beaten up daze, his hurt little body crawls on his belly all the way to Dawn, to make sure she's okay. They both were severely abused by John, and Thor and both curled up in a ball together, bruised and beaten, and fell asleep in the motel room floor. That particular scene tore me apart, and I literally had to put the book down, due to my stomach jumping from anger. When John hit her for the first time, I thought "Here We Go" but boy the abuse was very very real and tough in this book. I look up to Dawn in so many ways for her courage, bravery, her unwillingness to give up, and all the shit she's been through, to turn out where she is now. She made something of herself, and did something positive with her life, and makes it a point to help others too. I respect her in so many ways after reading this book. Dawn is one tough chick, and I believe any battered woman could learn a thing or two from this book. I could care less John was a poem star. He was a pedophile, a whore, a coke head, piece of shit, narcissist, abusive, repulsive human being I've ever read about. I understood the times when Dawn would give in to him, due to her remembering the "good times" with John, only to find out things would never change with him. I am strongly against domestic abuse, so this book is very triumphant in my eyes. It took alot for Dawn to tell her story, and I appreciate this in so many ways. Since I was born in 1990, I would have never known about the Wonderland murders, the story of who John Holmes was, and how Dawn survived him. I am even tempted to email Dawn, just to let her know that her book seriously touched me. The fact she escaped the harrowing abuse, and lives to tell about it to young teens is amazing to me. She is one hell of a woman, and was super proud of her when she escaped John for the last time. As a natural abuser, he tried the "I'm so sorry, I'll never do it again blah blah" the (Honeymoon phase) in an abusive relationship, and she didn't give in. I was so proud of her in that moment. Other parts of the book that disturbed me, was when John forced her to prostitute for his drug habit. I tried to imagine being in her shoes, and one could only imagine. The triumphs she has made, the dark life she lived, the silver lining at the end, I'm so glad she lives a happy, peaceful, life now. Her story is unimaginable, and I believe every woman who has ever been in an abusive relationship should read. This book points out alot of warning signs for your typical throw away teens. This book shows you that looks are very deceiving. I love all the numbers and hotlines at the back of the book. This has got to be one of my favorite books of all time, and that's saying alot. Dawn, if your reading this, you are a hero in my eyes. Your voice is probably helping so many woman and throwaway teenagers out here, this book is motivational, emotional, every emotion you can THINK of. Now I want to see the movie. I'm glad John died of aids, but when did he contract it? I knew he killed those people on Wonderland avenue, and to think, Dawn was running away with him? When he raped her, accusing her of cheating, I wanted to scream and Stan him. I hope he is in hell where he belongs. Theirs many more things I could say about this book, but I'm almost sure I couldn't stop. I'm thankful I got to read Dawn's story, and hope that her story helps many others, as I'm sure it has and still does to this day. Her story will live on. To the people who gave this book a low rating, your probably a person who has never experienced anything this woman has, so how dare you discredit her true story. This book was 5 stars all the way. True, some parts are hard to fathom, but that could be YOU in dawn's shoes, or the lonely, homeless teenager you pass by on the street. Just because you can't stomach it, doesn't mean this story is crappy, because it's not. This story is incredible.
January 7, 2011
I could not put this book down! I stayed up an hour and a half past my normal bedtime reading because I wanted to see what happened to Dawn. While parts of the book are hard to read, overall it was very interesting and I was glad there was a happy ending.
January 8, 2015
Okay, WOW. This is an incredible story, but not for the fainthearted. What an incredibly strong woman, and a brilliant storyteller.
March 25, 2020
Me and my boyfriend watched Wonderland a couple months back and I was doing a little research on the murders the movie was based on and found out that there was this book. Intrigued I purchased it and if course, read it!!
Dawn takes you through her gut-wrenching relationship with John Holmes. She was FIFTEEN years old when she met John, who was 32 years old, and married! She was living with her unstable father, who let her go off with Holmes, even though she was so young. John Holmes was a master manipulator, a drug addict, and an abusive ass! He manipulated and stole Dawns innocence and youth. Towards the end, when the murders take place he was so far gone and so deep into his addiction, that was all he cared about.....getting one more fix. And he didn't care how he got it, as long as he got it...going so far as to pimping Dawn out on the streets. As horrible as the murders were, it was actually a bit of a blessing for her....it led to her finally getting free of Holmes.
Dawn takes you through her gut-wrenching relationship with John Holmes. She was FIFTEEN years old when she met John, who was 32 years old, and married! She was living with her unstable father, who let her go off with Holmes, even though she was so young. John Holmes was a master manipulator, a drug addict, and an abusive ass! He manipulated and stole Dawns innocence and youth. Towards the end, when the murders take place he was so far gone and so deep into his addiction, that was all he cared about.....getting one more fix. And he didn't care how he got it, as long as he got it...going so far as to pimping Dawn out on the streets. As horrible as the murders were, it was actually a bit of a blessing for her....it led to her finally getting free of Holmes.
January 28, 2019
Ever since I saw Boogie Nights way back when I've had an ongoing fascination with the world of pornography. Not so much the films themselves but the behind the scenes stuff, the drugs, the violence, the depravity, etc. John Holmes being arguably the most notorious of all male pornstars fit the ticket for all of the above. Yet I wasn't prepared for the raw and disturbing world that he inhabited.
To be clear right off the bat, this isn't Holmes' story but that of his long-time love Dawn Schiller. Aside from brief mention of Holmes' film career, this is at heart a love story that rapidly crumbles into something so vile and painful I found myself visibly wincing on several occasions. A testament to the terrible things drug addiction and abuse can create, punches aren't pulled here. At the end of the book, Schiller mentions that some of the experiences were too painful and weren't included in the book. By God, if that's true, it's beyond what the mind can fathom because the stuff included is downright nauseating. What makes it worse is that the preceding years before the drug addiction were golden. John Holmes seemed a kind and tender soul, full of life and love, and willing to give Dawn the world on a silver platter. I knew the other shoe would drop eventually but I was unprepared for what that would entail.
Schiller is a strong woman who continues to work advocacy for abused women and children and is most definitely is a survivor. I have no doubt in my mind that she was at death's door living with this monster of a man. This is an easy read with fast pacing but the content can be very difficult at times. This is an important read as Schiller's story may be her own but her circumstances aren't unique. Sexual abuse and violence still run rampant behind closed doors and it's important to note that many, unlike Schiller, do not escape with their lives.
To be clear right off the bat, this isn't Holmes' story but that of his long-time love Dawn Schiller. Aside from brief mention of Holmes' film career, this is at heart a love story that rapidly crumbles into something so vile and painful I found myself visibly wincing on several occasions. A testament to the terrible things drug addiction and abuse can create, punches aren't pulled here. At the end of the book, Schiller mentions that some of the experiences were too painful and weren't included in the book. By God, if that's true, it's beyond what the mind can fathom because the stuff included is downright nauseating. What makes it worse is that the preceding years before the drug addiction were golden. John Holmes seemed a kind and tender soul, full of life and love, and willing to give Dawn the world on a silver platter. I knew the other shoe would drop eventually but I was unprepared for what that would entail.
Schiller is a strong woman who continues to work advocacy for abused women and children and is most definitely is a survivor. I have no doubt in my mind that she was at death's door living with this monster of a man. This is an easy read with fast pacing but the content can be very difficult at times. This is an important read as Schiller's story may be her own but her circumstances aren't unique. Sexual abuse and violence still run rampant behind closed doors and it's important to note that many, unlike Schiller, do not escape with their lives.
October 29, 2011
All I really knew about 1970s porn star John Holmes I learned from the film "Boogie Nights", which is based on his life story. I knew he died of AIDS in the 1980s, and that he was a drug addict. What I didn't know was that he and his wife took in an abandoned 15 year old girl, Dawn Schiller, and tried to ruin her life. Dawn Schiller grew up being abused and neglected. When she was 15, her dad drove her from Florida to California. After picking up a hitchhiker, they ended up at an apartment complex in Glendale, CA, managed by John and Sharon Holmes. John Holmes groomed Schiller, manipulated her, and began a sexual and emotionally abusive relationship with her. Holmes eventually got her addicted to drugs, beat her, prostituted her, and terrified her dog. It was horrible. And Sharon Holmes did nothing to step in or stop it. John Holmes ended up being involved in the famous Wonderland Avenue murders, and tried to implicate Schiller. What is odd about Schiller's memoir is she never even goes into historical detail of the murders, and never even names who the victims or the killers were, or who ended up being charged or convicted of the murders. She doesn't write about how she recovered from the years of abuse, neglect, manipulation, or sexual violence, but instead lists four pages of organizations and resources for help. She even acts as if Sharon Holmes was a victim, too, even though Sharon was an adult who stood by and did nothing while her husband began sexually abusing a teenage runaway. A shocking amount of adults failed Dawn Schiller, but she fails to really examine how she really survived all of this horror. She misses a strong opportunity to educate young readers about the impact of HIV/AIDS testing and prevention for people forced into prostitution, and never discusses her concerns or status after learning Holmes had HIV. Schiller co-produced a film based on this time period in her life called "Wonderland", and I may re-watch it to see if it does a better job of being thorough. Overall, this book was lacking in information, follow-through, and factual conclusions.
April 20, 2016
In the book Dawn is a young, impressionable girl, now she is a silently strong woman. I had the pleasure of meeting her and she is such a strong woman with such a quiet exterior, yet when she speaks she is authentic and real. With the poor Hollywood portrayal of her life story in the movie "The road through Wonderland" I personally was so flabbergasted and annoyed by their depiction of Dawn. The book is a MILLION times better than the movie!!! I read quite a bit and her memoir always stuck with me throughout all my love affairs with novels. I get Dawns views of her love/lust relationship with John Holmes throughout, I tend to be a little judgmental when it comes to women in books with a very weak interior and exterior. Yet she is quite the contrary, Even as teen she is easily understood with the fleeting love that tinges at her soft interior that is very protected by her strong, independent exterior. I just get her throughout, and as a young female, I want to know who hasn't been tantalized by a charismatic, older gentleman? It is not hard to understand their appeal to one another, though it is very controversial topic. I guess what I am trying to say is that don't judge the book by the movie. They leave out the bonding and adventures the two share and that was my favorite part to read in her book. As well as her upbringing in the beginning with her family strife's in Florida. In closing, I would like to call out Dawn and tell her to write more because I love her style of writing and her tenacity for realism which is hard to come by.
Always with loyalty and respect,
Shelby
Always with loyalty and respect,
Shelby
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 4, 2014
Take a damaged child of the late seventies with the least responsible parents possible (parenting skills were vastly overrated in the 1970s) and transplant her 3,000 miles, cross-country, on her own, at the age of 15, trusting that she'll handle her life appropriately in the care of the most notorious porn star in history, along with his loser, druggie friends. Now, say hello to Dawn Schiller.
The book itself is squarely planted at a 6th grade reading level. That said, even considering the obviously glaring omissions from Ms. Schilling's memoirs of her exploitation at her tender age, you'll be left dumbstruck at how epically she was failed -- not only by her biological family, but by the family she was "fortunate" enough to assume as her own. Partly out of necessity and partly out of teenage naivite (insert accent marks yourself. I'm not French).
Glaring omissions pointed out, the book takes 475 pages to complete. It could have been longer, or, more likely, it could have been trimmed. Who cares? Ms. Schiller's story is extraordinary and it really pulls on one's "heartstrings" (did I say that? really?), reminding us all how we should treat women, and girls (which is to hold them in the highest esteem). I hope she lives a saint's life past 1988, when this book leaves off, because she certainly deserves it. Despite its minor shortcomings, this book is totally worth a quick read.
The book itself is squarely planted at a 6th grade reading level. That said, even considering the obviously glaring omissions from Ms. Schilling's memoirs of her exploitation at her tender age, you'll be left dumbstruck at how epically she was failed -- not only by her biological family, but by the family she was "fortunate" enough to assume as her own. Partly out of necessity and partly out of teenage naivite (insert accent marks yourself. I'm not French).
Glaring omissions pointed out, the book takes 475 pages to complete. It could have been longer, or, more likely, it could have been trimmed. Who cares? Ms. Schiller's story is extraordinary and it really pulls on one's "heartstrings" (did I say that? really?), reminding us all how we should treat women, and girls (which is to hold them in the highest esteem). I hope she lives a saint's life past 1988, when this book leaves off, because she certainly deserves it. Despite its minor shortcomings, this book is totally worth a quick read.
February 3, 2014
This was quite good. Schiller definitely went though hell. While it is (unfortunately) not a unique story except for the fact that John Holmes was a porn star, it's still a powerful read. Schiller's home life was a wreck, so I can completely understand how she wound up feeling trapped with Holmes. While some may shake their heads and wonder how she couldn't escape, this is one story in which I totally get it. Schiller never learned what a healthy relationship looked like, and while she may have realized she was in a toxic one, she definitely didn't know how to fix it. Also, she clearly attached herself to Holmes, at least in part, as a father figure and she had already been abandoned by her father once, so it's not surprising that she tried to hold on to the only replacement she had available. A powerful, no-holds-barred, pull-no-punches story. My heart goes out to her.
May 18, 2013
Hated it. Usually these types of memoirs are a journey wherein the subject learns some sort of life lesson. Dawn seemed to learn nothing from her experiences. She just kept making the same mistakes over and over and over and over. If it weren't for the serendipity of a few strangers and her father finally moving back into the picture, she'd have died right there along with John Holmes. "Oh, but I love him!" just always seemed to be her excuse time after time.
A silly girl, a silly woman, and a silly book. Complete waste of time. Frankly, the only person I felt sorry for in Dawn's life was Thor, her chihuahua.
A silly girl, a silly woman, and a silly book. Complete waste of time. Frankly, the only person I felt sorry for in Dawn's life was Thor, her chihuahua.
August 20, 2012
Wow! Glad I read this one. Gripping reality of John Holmes. The book did not reveal any details of his life in porn. It was the memoirs of his young victim, Dawn Schiller. I was surprised she survived. Since she did, her life definitely has purpose. I can only imagine the depths of her strength and brevity. I read this book in less than 24 hours. I was shocked that John's wife was completely oblivious to what was going on. Lots of surprises in this story.
February 4, 2013
This is the true story of a 15 y.o. teenager who meets John Holmes, king of porn and is seduced by him. She has no clue who he is, to her he's just an older man who's kind to her, a vulnerable young girl. As time passes he becomes involved with drugs which changes him into a very abusive man. She becomes his beating bag and is forced into prostitution by him. That she is able to escape this life is a testament to her resilience.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 3, 2010
When I picked this book up at Book Expo, I wasn't really sure what to expect. Maybe something tawdry or over the top, but what I got instead was a poignant and memorable tale of a young woman's tale of abuse and survival. I can't remember reading a story about abuse that so intimately and accurately conveys the multitude of emotions that exist within the relationship.
September 29, 2012
Powerfully gripping true story written by a survivor, intense and nakedly vulnerable. It is rare that I cry over a book. This did more than that. I traveled with Dawn throughout her journey. I was with her the entire time. I felt what she felt. In the end, a part of my own innocence lost and yet strangely purged and purified.
November 1, 2014
Not for the faint of heart or those who would avoid the big questions, this book tells it like it is from the perspective of a real person who survived neglect, abuse, and child trafficking. Offers insight into the darker aspects of a world of which we are often blissfully unaware, but I came away with feelings of victory for Dawn, and hope that many can get help.
November 28, 2017
I didn't feel much sympathy for Dawn. Maybe she didn't do a good enough job and explaining why she loved John so much. Or maybe it was because a majority of the book she described the good times. Whatever it was, I was bored reading the book and didn't properly understand why she went back to him.
April 29, 2012
Very good read and look into the man who would become one of the most famous porn stars in history and how drugs ruined him. Dawn's story is horrific, but gives a great insight into how someone living in an abusive relationship thinks and acts. Great read.
August 2, 2012
I am a lover of memoirs, and decided to read this one after seeing the movie, "Wonderland", with Val Kilmer as John Holmes & Kate Bosworth as Dawn Schiller. I was absolutely absorbed in Dawn's story...read it all in one sitting. Amazing!
March 31, 2013
Mediocre at best. If it wasn't for the links in the back to important anti-abuse agencies and organizations, I would just write this one off as another attempt at fame-mongering, using a truly loathsome individual as the impetus.
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