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Marriage: Small Steps, Big Rewards
The secret of a good marriage, for the most part, is that there are no secrets, only commonsense, time-tested ideas practiced by countless others who have done it well.—from the Introduction
Marriage expert Dr. Ray Guarendi has counseled enough couples to know that building a better relationship with your spouse doesn't mean learning exotic new communication techniques or rearranging your lifestyle. In fact, a few of his ten "small steps" are lessons you learned in grade school, such Plus, with his "resistance rationales," Dr. Ray helps you overcome any reluctance you might feel to taking these small steps. Filled with straightforward advice, this book reminds you that a happier, more rewarding marriage is just a few small steps away.
The audio edition of the book can be downloaded via .
Marriage expert Dr. Ray Guarendi has counseled enough couples to know that building a better relationship with your spouse doesn't mean learning exotic new communication techniques or rearranging your lifestyle. In fact, a few of his ten "small steps" are lessons you learned in grade school, such Plus, with his "resistance rationales," Dr. Ray helps you overcome any reluctance you might feel to taking these small steps. Filled with straightforward advice, this book reminds you that a happier, more rewarding marriage is just a few small steps away.
The audio edition of the book can be downloaded via .
147 pages, Paperback
First published March 15, 2011
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92 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
June 13, 2011
Dr. Ray is one of the only authors I'll take parenting advice from, so I was interested to see his new book about marriage. This book was not only peppered with his usual flair of self-effacing humor and insight, but full of practical advice that every single married couple should employ. Whether you're struggling in your marriage or sitting quite content, Dr. Ray's small steps will give you something to think about and something else to try. It was designed to be a fast read, but also to be the sort of thing you can pick up and put down without any danger of forgetting or losing your momentum. This isn't just a book you should read, it's a book you should share with your family, your parish, and your friends. Highly recommended.
December 9, 2013
Fantastic tips that put a marriage back on track or keep it finely tuned. The best part is that he goes through all of the reasons that we DON'T do these things. It's easy to relate to and hear your own inner voice in the arguments. HIGHLY recommend. Love this author and his radio show!! (The Doctor is In)
February 5, 2017
This is an excellent read for married folks who want to improve their relationship through better communication. As a single/dating person, I received this recommendation from another single friend who sang its praises. This book does a great job of explaining the rationale for the author's suggestions, but it wasn't what I expected - I thought I was going to be reading something about preparing for marriage/dating/etc. Nonetheless, I highly recommend it for married couples.
May 9, 2023
1. Say sorry
2. Don’t say anything if it’s not nice
3. Listen
4. Ask questions
5. Accept
6. Dont threaten divorce
7. Use manners
8. Protect each other
9. Make a list of nice things of one another
10. Add a touch - small gestures
2. Don’t say anything if it’s not nice
3. Listen
4. Ask questions
5. Accept
6. Dont threaten divorce
7. Use manners
8. Protect each other
9. Make a list of nice things of one another
10. Add a touch - small gestures
June 11, 2019
Practical and faith based <3
April 24, 2025
SAY “I’M SORRY.” Most adults are terrible at apologizing, even though we force kids to do it. We all think we’re less to blame than we really are, but practicing regret and humility instantly defuses partner anger. It might take hours or days, and you should break your usual argument pattern by apologizing even if it’s late. Don’t assume good deeds are enough - say the words too.
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, because You never have to apologize for words you never say. The tongue only weighs four ounces, but holding it is harder than benching 80 kilos. Wait just 10–20 seconds before saying something critical - You’ll see, there’s almost never payoff to lashing out immediately. Sometimes the best thing is to just shut up for one full minute and let your partner speak. That minute can feel like a marathon, but it builds your “listening stamina.” Try to absorb the silence - it often delivers more information than interrupting to “win.”
BAN THE “D WORD.” Never mention or threaten divorce; just don’t. It’s a “virus” for the relationship - a stray mention can do serious harm.
USE YOUR MANNERS. You’re polite with strangers (who haven’t done anything to deserve your respect) but often bark at your partner who should be loved. Add “please,” “thank you,” and kindness to daily routines. A lack of manners signals a lack of goodwill, so treat your partner with at least as much respect as a random cashier.
PROTECT AND DEFEND. Stand up for your partner and family - don’t let kids or outsiders speak disrespectfully to them. Instead of just warning, take real action, and let your presence be felt.
MAKE PRAISE AND AFFECTION ROUTINE. Write long lists of what you love about your partner (and others) - be specific. Any positive trait that’s faded probably isn’t permanently dead, so revive it.
ADD A TOUCH. Physical affection stands out - a simple touch means a lot. Nobody ever complains about too much affection. Your partner might not always reciprocate physically, but don’t let that stop you.
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, because You never have to apologize for words you never say. The tongue only weighs four ounces, but holding it is harder than benching 80 kilos. Wait just 10–20 seconds before saying something critical - You’ll see, there’s almost never payoff to lashing out immediately. Sometimes the best thing is to just shut up for one full minute and let your partner speak. That minute can feel like a marathon, but it builds your “listening stamina.” Try to absorb the silence - it often delivers more information than interrupting to “win.”
BAN THE “D WORD.” Never mention or threaten divorce; just don’t. It’s a “virus” for the relationship - a stray mention can do serious harm.
USE YOUR MANNERS. You’re polite with strangers (who haven’t done anything to deserve your respect) but often bark at your partner who should be loved. Add “please,” “thank you,” and kindness to daily routines. A lack of manners signals a lack of goodwill, so treat your partner with at least as much respect as a random cashier.
PROTECT AND DEFEND. Stand up for your partner and family - don’t let kids or outsiders speak disrespectfully to them. Instead of just warning, take real action, and let your presence be felt.
MAKE PRAISE AND AFFECTION ROUTINE. Write long lists of what you love about your partner (and others) - be specific. Any positive trait that’s faded probably isn’t permanently dead, so revive it.
ADD A TOUCH. Physical affection stands out - a simple touch means a lot. Nobody ever complains about too much affection. Your partner might not always reciprocate physically, but don’t let that stop you.
October 8, 2014
Leisure read 2014
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews