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Finding Alice
Sliding into the Rabbit Hole… Would She Ever Return?
On the surface, Alice Laxton seems no different from any other college girl: bright, inquisitive, excited about the life ahead of her. But for years, a genetic time bomb has been ticking away. Because of Alice’s near-genius intelligence, teachers and counselors have always made excuses for her “little idiosyncrasies.” But during a stress-filled senior year at college, a new world of voices, visions, and unexplainable “knowledge” causes Alice to begin to lose her grip on reality.
As Alice’s schizophrenia progresses, she experiences a disturbing religious “awakening,” believing that God and angels and demons are speaking to her. When others attempt to intervene, Alice is subjected to a wide range of “treatments” even more frightening and painful than her illness.
Powerfully raw and brutally honest, Finding Alice is a story of individual suffering and hope, a family’s shared ordeal, and a search for true mental and spiritual healing.
On the surface, Alice Laxton seems no different from any other college girl: bright, inquisitive, excited about the life ahead of her. But for years, a genetic time bomb has been ticking away. Because of Alice’s near-genius intelligence, teachers and counselors have always made excuses for her “little idiosyncrasies.” But during a stress-filled senior year at college, a new world of voices, visions, and unexplainable “knowledge” causes Alice to begin to lose her grip on reality.
As Alice’s schizophrenia progresses, she experiences a disturbing religious “awakening,” believing that God and angels and demons are speaking to her. When others attempt to intervene, Alice is subjected to a wide range of “treatments” even more frightening and painful than her illness.
Powerfully raw and brutally honest, Finding Alice is a story of individual suffering and hope, a family’s shared ordeal, and a search for true mental and spiritual healing.
384 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2003
60 people are currently reading
2917 people want to read
About the author
Melody Carlson
425 books3,314 followersMelody Carlson is the award-winning author of over two hundred books, several of them Christmas novellas from Revell, including her much-loved and bestselling book, The Christmas Bus.
She also writes many teen books, including the Diary of a Teenage Girl series, the TrueColors series, and the Carter House Girls series.
Melody was nominated for a Romantic Times Career Achievement Award in the inspirational market for her books, including the Notes from a Spinning Planet series and Finding Alice, which is in production as a Lifetime Television movie. She and her husband serve on the Young Life adult committee in central Oregon.
She also writes many teen books, including the Diary of a Teenage Girl series, the TrueColors series, and the Carter House Girls series.
Melody was nominated for a Romantic Times Career Achievement Award in the inspirational market for her books, including the Notes from a Spinning Planet series and Finding Alice, which is in production as a Lifetime Television movie. She and her husband serve on the Young Life adult committee in central Oregon.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 233 reviews
November 18, 2008
What an eye opener on the pain of schizophrenia. I had no idea of the turmoil that goes on in one's mind. The author takes us on a journey with Alice who suffers with this condition and then discovers that there is mental healing. A very powerful book.
July 21, 2007
Alice has a friend no one can see or hear. It's all in her mind..
January 19, 2009
This novel is the story of a college student with schizophrenia. The author did an amazing job of presenting the way a person with this disorder thinks, acts, and looks at the world. Amazingly, this was not a depressing book. Excellent! A+. 01/09/09
May 14, 2025
The second I saw that Melody Carlson had written a book about a girl with schizophrenia, I knew I needed to read it. There are SO few Christian books out there that grapple with the realities of mental health issues and illnesses. Writing a book with a main character with schizophrenia was a bold undertaking—there are so many unknowns when it comes to schizophrenia. But Carlson crafted a story that brought light and inspiration into the pain and heartache and sheer lostness that Alice faced.
Finding Alice was hard to read. There were so many occasions when I wanted to try to talk some sense into her (like everyone else had already tried). So many times I wish I didn’t see what was coming. So many times it seemed hopeless. And yet, Alice found friends all along the way. God was with her, providing for her, protecting her… preparing her. Ultimately, it was in Him that she found herself and the chance at security.
Content notes: a gay couple is mentioned. That’s the main thing that’s coming to mind. It’s not condoned, but it is there.
All in all, Finding Alice is a hope-infused tale of how darkness the rabbit hole can be, but always with the reminder that God is with us and working to turn us toward Him.
Finding Alice was hard to read. There were so many occasions when I wanted to try to talk some sense into her (like everyone else had already tried). So many times I wish I didn’t see what was coming. So many times it seemed hopeless. And yet, Alice found friends all along the way. God was with her, providing for her, protecting her… preparing her. Ultimately, it was in Him that she found herself and the chance at security.
Content notes: a gay couple is mentioned. That’s the main thing that’s coming to mind. It’s not condoned, but it is there.
All in all, Finding Alice is a hope-infused tale of how darkness the rabbit hole can be, but always with the reminder that God is with us and working to turn us toward Him.
December 29, 2014
This book is one of my all time favorites. Carlson depicts schizophrenia in a first person perspective that I have never seen before. In this light, it is powerfully written and I was engulfed in the story throughout the entire novel. Alice's paranoia was described in such a way that I had to put the book down for two weeks before continuing because I was starting to feel paranoid myself. Carlson describes the Oregon mental health system beautifully, and unfortunately. As a mental health provider in Oregon it was easy to imagine this story, especially at the state hospital that has quite a history in reality itself.
I was lucky enough to meet Melody Carlson and she is a wonderful human being. She mentioned to me that this was one of her favorite, but hardest books to write because it comes from a personal family experience.
I will forever recommend this novel and cannot say enough about it! I have read and reread it several times.
I was lucky enough to meet Melody Carlson and she is a wonderful human being. She mentioned to me that this was one of her favorite, but hardest books to write because it comes from a personal family experience.
I will forever recommend this novel and cannot say enough about it! I have read and reread it several times.
July 16, 2008
Just a bit goofy, but not so much that I didn't finish it. It was a little too wrapped up in the end. I guess coming from a crazy person with a lot of crazies in the family, this didn't strike me as a realistic portrayal of mental illness.
February 3, 2023
It started last Saturday (January 28) when I watched A Beautiful Mind . Since then, I've dubbed the past six days "(un)Official Schizophrenia Awareness Week" and have been reading books about schizophrenia. This was one of those books.
I did not understand schizophrenia three years ago when I read this book for the first time. But now I don't just feel more informed about this mental condition, I feel so sympathetic towards those who struggle with it.
Alice's mom was the only character I didn't care for very much. Yes, she went through her own character arc during the book, and she is a better person for it, but there were parts when Alice's mom just felt too much like a helicopter parent. Maybe that's the outworkings of her old church's teachings, but it just bugged me.
Other than that, this was an amazing read for me. I'm so glad I reread this book.
I did not understand schizophrenia three years ago when I read this book for the first time. But now I don't just feel more informed about this mental condition, I feel so sympathetic towards those who struggle with it.
Alice's mom was the only character I didn't care for very much. Yes, she went through her own character arc during the book, and she is a better person for it, but there were parts when Alice's mom just felt too much like a helicopter parent. Maybe that's the outworkings of her old church's teachings, but it just bugged me.
Other than that, this was an amazing read for me. I'm so glad I reread this book.
September 9, 2011
The first time I read this book, I thought it was fantastic. The second time it was just good. And now I look back at this book with something reminiscent of mild disgust.
While Carlson appears to have done her research and done it well, I'm quite on the fence about her portrayal of psychiatric institutions. On one hand, yes, there are shitty places abound in the world. On the other...it seems really inaccurate.
And I speak from personal experience.
Carlson has taken the hallmarks and stereotypes of mental hospitals and played on the tried and true cliches. I mean, in the end, yes. Things do look up. But the stigma surrounding these places is terrible without adding insult to injury.
At least the portrayal of schizophrenia is accurate.
While Carlson appears to have done her research and done it well, I'm quite on the fence about her portrayal of psychiatric institutions. On one hand, yes, there are shitty places abound in the world. On the other...it seems really inaccurate.
And I speak from personal experience.
Carlson has taken the hallmarks and stereotypes of mental hospitals and played on the tried and true cliches. I mean, in the end, yes. Things do look up. But the stigma surrounding these places is terrible without adding insult to injury.
At least the portrayal of schizophrenia is accurate.
October 30, 2024
Young adult and Christian themed books are not my typical fare. But I was curious about this one due to having gone to school with this author many, many years ago (I did not know her personally, but that connection piqued my curiosity) and I have a connection to all things psychological, so I was beckoned.
I found it reasonably well written with important themes. I appreciated the view into mental illness it provides; the confusing beginnings, the tendency to hide that from the world, the interference it causes in basic functioning, the reluctance to seek help. Alice finds herself in a world she no longer recognizes, and struggles to understand or deal with her new experiences.
In addition to themes around mental illness, the story offers contradictory views found in religion, from the loving to the demoralizing, from the encouraging to the belittling; exploring the intersection of mental illness with that dogma and how it helps or further hurts those suffering from psychosis. The story also touches on how a person with mental illness may end up on the streets, adding insult to injury. Treatment options make an appearance as Alice experiences those forced upon her versus those she chooses.
Viewed within the context of "young adult", this book offers a gentle introduction to what budding mental illness might look and feel like. As such, I would describe it as "G" rated, like a Hallmark movie designed to ensure you leave with a warm, peaceful feeling. While there's nothing wrong with that, it might misrepresent the painful and inconsistent course this kind of illness often actually takes. That said, the description of this being for young adults and Christian readers, it likely falls exactly where it is expected to fall within that genre. While I tend to prefer something more meaty and gritty in my reading experience, this may be just the ticket for those who prefer something softer. My three stars are due to my thinking the book has value, even as my own reading "enjoyment" was less due to my familiarity with the topic and preference for different genres. For those who prefer this genre, the 4 and 5 stars it receives might be more indicative of what you will find. It did keep my interest to the end.
I found it reasonably well written with important themes. I appreciated the view into mental illness it provides; the confusing beginnings, the tendency to hide that from the world, the interference it causes in basic functioning, the reluctance to seek help. Alice finds herself in a world she no longer recognizes, and struggles to understand or deal with her new experiences.
In addition to themes around mental illness, the story offers contradictory views found in religion, from the loving to the demoralizing, from the encouraging to the belittling; exploring the intersection of mental illness with that dogma and how it helps or further hurts those suffering from psychosis. The story also touches on how a person with mental illness may end up on the streets, adding insult to injury. Treatment options make an appearance as Alice experiences those forced upon her versus those she chooses.
Viewed within the context of "young adult", this book offers a gentle introduction to what budding mental illness might look and feel like. As such, I would describe it as "G" rated, like a Hallmark movie designed to ensure you leave with a warm, peaceful feeling. While there's nothing wrong with that, it might misrepresent the painful and inconsistent course this kind of illness often actually takes. That said, the description of this being for young adults and Christian readers, it likely falls exactly where it is expected to fall within that genre. While I tend to prefer something more meaty and gritty in my reading experience, this may be just the ticket for those who prefer something softer. My three stars are due to my thinking the book has value, even as my own reading "enjoyment" was less due to my familiarity with the topic and preference for different genres. For those who prefer this genre, the 4 and 5 stars it receives might be more indicative of what you will find. It did keep my interest to the end.
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January 9, 2022I have a lot to say. The writer obviously did her research and the way schizophrenia was portrayed in this book felt accurate. Only the writing itself is what got me. The writer couldn’t make a choice on how to write this book I feel like. You read from Alice POV but it is written as a third-person POV. It feels like we know more than Alice even though she is the on who tells the story. That’s why I couldn’t really get into this book.
In the last few pages of the book it becomes clear why Alice has schizophrenia. I felt like if this would’ve been discussed in the beginning of the book I would’ve understood her more than I did now.
Overall, the writer definitely did her research but I just didn’t like her writing style.
In the last few pages of the book it becomes clear why Alice has schizophrenia. I felt like if this would’ve been discussed in the beginning of the book I would’ve understood her more than I did now.
Overall, the writer definitely did her research but I just didn’t like her writing style.
November 9, 2008
Teen lit which I would recommend to teen as well as adult readers. This book has an Alice in wonderland quality to it, the main characters name is Alice who coincidentally has a cat named Cheshire. The book is about a young woman's struggle with schizophrenia, it seems very realistic for a fictional account of someone with this disorder and has both a sad and at the same time uplifting ending.
April 9, 2013
I enjoyed this book so much! I really loved it, it showed true emotions and struggles. When I picked this book from the shelves I didn’t think I would find it as interesting as I actually did. I found out that this book was very, very emotional! It was like a spiral of events that constantly went downhill I wanted to reach in the book and help Alice out because even reading about her life made me so sad. I wish more people were like Simon, Faye and Doctor Golden, they put up with certain people to help one another out. I also really thought it was cool how the author made each scene connect for instance Faye’s sister had schizophrenia which is Simons mom. Then Doctor Golden’s wife Julie overcame this mental illness too! I thought the meaning of this story was beautiful because you never know someone elses struggles and you can’t judge them right off the bat because everyone's trying to overcome something!
March 29, 2023
This was unrealistic in a lot of ways. Alice is strangely aware of many of her symptoms, including her delusions. All her problems are solved quickly and easily. The story glosses over the times when she was homeless and poor, and it seemed like money was never really an issue.
Then, there's the issue of insta-love - and readers are supposed to believe that this couple falls in love immediately after meeting, essentially, while the main character is experiencing major psychosis. Then, she has some therapy and doesn't even need medication anymore…
It was all just a bit ridiculous.
Also, the author seemed to indicate that oppression by demonic forces is never a thing, that mental illness is always this wholly separate issue. The Bible is clear that many things are due to demonic influence, including insanity.
Then, there's the issue of insta-love - and readers are supposed to believe that this couple falls in love immediately after meeting, essentially, while the main character is experiencing major psychosis. Then, she has some therapy and doesn't even need medication anymore…
It was all just a bit ridiculous.
Also, the author seemed to indicate that oppression by demonic forces is never a thing, that mental illness is always this wholly separate issue. The Bible is clear that many things are due to demonic influence, including insanity.
June 29, 2014
I almost didn't read this after a friend recommended it (along with a scene description where a church tries to exorcise a schizophrenic). I'm so tired of reading stories with thinly developed stereotyped Christians. This is a refreshingly different approach. While it shows the controlling nature of the church it also wanders to places of genuine faith, spaces where actions and connections speak louder than petty judgments and narrow rules. This was a really powerful narration from the perspective of a mentally ill narrator. Carson cleverly chronicles Alice's downfall so we see her first in her "normal" state. That was important for me, I could relate to her and how she felt. It made her unravelling that much more immediate...and even possible.
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April 21, 2017This book was perfect for a church-raised teenager me-- to be exposed to mental illness so eloquently and to feel her feelings so intimately. But upon re-reading it as an adult, I see its errors and especially in the ending, I see where it could have been more accurate. Schizophrenia requires medication a large majority of the time and does not simply go away when you receive support. It was such a happy ending, but not necessarily an accurate one. Still, I found this book to be so pivotal to my belief system back as a teenager and such a page turner plot-wise. It's a rarity to see a book in Christian fiction so raw and honest when it comes to difficult subjects that are usually avoided by many Christian writers. Melody Carlson is a pioneer.
April 11, 2010
I almost gave this 3 stars because it took me halfway through the book before I started to like it. The first half was very difficult and not enjoyable for me to read as Alice falls deeper and deeper into her schizophrenia. The book then is an indictment of not only those who raise their children in very strict, fundamentalist religions, but also of past methods of treating schizophrenia. I was glad those who were finally able to help Alice were in fact very religious people, but not the in-your-face, "repent or be damned" type.
October 25, 2010
Well, I'd never even heard of the book, but my friend Kiersten gave a 'book talk' of this book and class and I guess I got interested in it. When I started to read it, I really couldn't put it down. Very descriptive, the book seems to allow you to have an image of it in your own mind. Going through the struggles and problems with a girl diagnosed with schizophrenia, I think the book pretty much accurately captured what it must feel like. Also, there are many twists and turns that kept my attention which allowed me to finish the book in less than a week.
October 17, 2019
Great read and very informative!
I’m not sure what I was expecting when I started this book but was somewhat surprised as I got pulled into the story. I have never known anyone suffering from schizophrenia but I have known some suffering from other mental or emotional trauma. It was very enlightening to learn more about the journey and the way the thought process becomes so confused and the thinking so jumbled. All in all, I found this to be a wonderful read which handled a very difficult topic in compassionate manner. Alice’s story is the story of many.
I’m not sure what I was expecting when I started this book but was somewhat surprised as I got pulled into the story. I have never known anyone suffering from schizophrenia but I have known some suffering from other mental or emotional trauma. It was very enlightening to learn more about the journey and the way the thought process becomes so confused and the thinking so jumbled. All in all, I found this to be a wonderful read which handled a very difficult topic in compassionate manner. Alice’s story is the story of many.
September 24, 2021
I had mixed emotions with this book. Technical-wise, the plot is intriguing and keeps me going. I like how this is narrated in first person because as a layman, one could ask, what thoughts really go inside the mind of a person with mental challenges ? Is it very spontaneous or how does the person think about it?
Content-wise, practical things were shown in the intervention, but since it is a Christian book, I would appreciate it more if Christ's sufficiency could be more focused on the protagonist's healing. Not that it wasn't shown in the story, but it could've been more highlighted.
Content-wise, practical things were shown in the intervention, but since it is a Christian book, I would appreciate it more if Christ's sufficiency could be more focused on the protagonist's healing. Not that it wasn't shown in the story, but it could've been more highlighted.
October 12, 2016
This book is not to be missed! It is about a girl with schizophrenia, a disease that I am very familiar with as close family members have had their lives ruined by it. I found the book fascinating as it brings you directly into the mind of the main character which helped me understand my family members life experiences better. I wish my family members who are both gone could have had the same treatment and outcome as the main character.
March 7, 2008
Great, unique read! Thanks for the recommendation, Julie! This book opened my eyes and gave me a new perspective on homelessness and schizophrenia. Very interesting book - a page turner that I couldn't put down. Not that it was "on the edge of your seat" exciting, but I just kept wanting to know what was going to happen to this girl.
February 16, 2026
This book was fascinating and annoying. The look at schizophrenia was mostly well done. But there was some liberal content that was unsettling. Not a keeper. Sad about that, since the cover was beautiful.
Content: premarital intimacy, profanity, drugs, sexual immorality, alcohol, tobacco, attempted rape, expletives, tipsy driving, suicide mentioned, replacement expletives
Content: premarital intimacy, profanity, drugs, sexual immorality, alcohol, tobacco, attempted rape, expletives, tipsy driving, suicide mentioned, replacement expletives
December 28, 2011
3.5ish. Pretty good, an eye opener
September 4, 2012
This book was one of the best I have read in a long time, one of those rare books you hold on to for a long time in the back of your mind.
December 7, 2019
Such a fantastic read, gives compassion for those who have mental illness. Very well written!!
January 12, 2009
I loved it. I see myself as her most days
June 12, 2017
Finding Alice was a bit slow for me, but not boring. While the depiction of mental illness seems mostly accurate in the way the symptoms are described (which is why this book gets two stars instead of one), some details struck me as unrealistic, and at times, inappropriate. There was also a lot of discussion about God and religion, but nothing that I really bought into. It was as though I was constantly being reminded that "God" was meant to be part of the story - when something positive happened it was real and God's doing, and when something negative happened, it was attributed to Alice's diagnoses and not actually God, but Alice's delusion of who "God" is.
December 19, 2021
I’m not affiliated with any religion, but this book was recommended to me and I gave it a read. With that being said, this has been well worth staying up all night to finish, and it is packed with suspense and emotions unlike many other psychological novels.
During Alice’s senior year of college, she begins to experience psychosis and is later diagnosed with schizophrenia. Her strict (and quite ridiculous) church believes she’s possessed and tries to exorcise her. She escapes a mental hospital, lives on the streets, and much more.
It was not hard for me to fall in love with Alice, and this book in general. Carlson has thoroughly done her research on the symptoms and effects of schizophrenia, which I was initially worried about. The reader is taken on a journey through the hardships and high points of a student who is suddenly lost, paranoid, and confused, which really allows “normal” people to understand what others with mental illnesses may deal with on a daily basis, as well as teaching them how to give comfort and support. It’s one of those books that is so hard to put down, and I 10/10 would recommend to others.
During Alice’s senior year of college, she begins to experience psychosis and is later diagnosed with schizophrenia. Her strict (and quite ridiculous) church believes she’s possessed and tries to exorcise her. She escapes a mental hospital, lives on the streets, and much more.
It was not hard for me to fall in love with Alice, and this book in general. Carlson has thoroughly done her research on the symptoms and effects of schizophrenia, which I was initially worried about. The reader is taken on a journey through the hardships and high points of a student who is suddenly lost, paranoid, and confused, which really allows “normal” people to understand what others with mental illnesses may deal with on a daily basis, as well as teaching them how to give comfort and support. It’s one of those books that is so hard to put down, and I 10/10 would recommend to others.
June 17, 2020
I really, really, wanted to like this book because I could tell there was a lot of research done in the writing of Finding Alice. Alice is a strong character and I fell in love with her instantly. Also, seeing what goes on inside her head was eye opening even though I already knew a lot about schizophrenia.
In spite of all this though, Carlson sadly tends to stick with cliches when it comes to mental illness without being original, and on top of that foregoing a realistic ending and wrapping it all up in the end as though Alice is all good once she seeks healing.
A close family friend has schizophrenia and I have watched him progress from good to bad to good to bad and back again since I was a kid. I know firsthand the turmoil associated with this. The battle never ends and seeking healing is only the very first step of many.
I wanted to fall in love with Alice, but it just left me a little stale in the end because of how picture perfect the story left us.
In spite of all this though, Carlson sadly tends to stick with cliches when it comes to mental illness without being original, and on top of that foregoing a realistic ending and wrapping it all up in the end as though Alice is all good once she seeks healing.
A close family friend has schizophrenia and I have watched him progress from good to bad to good to bad and back again since I was a kid. I know firsthand the turmoil associated with this. The battle never ends and seeking healing is only the very first step of many.
I wanted to fall in love with Alice, but it just left me a little stale in the end because of how picture perfect the story left us.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 233 reviews