What do you think?
Rate this book
Conquering Infertility: Dr. Alice Domar's Mind/Body Guide to Enhancing Fertility and Coping with Infertility
Infertility is a heartbreaking condition that affects nine million American couples each year. It causes tremendous stress, can trigger debilitating sadness and depression and can tear a marriage to shreds. In Conquering Infertility, Harvard psychologist Alice Domar—whom Vogue calls the “Fertility Goddess”—provides infertile couples with what they need most: stress relief, support, and hope. Using the innovative mind/body techniques she has perfected at her clinic, Domar helps infertile women not only regain control over their lives but also boost their chances of becoming pregnant. With Conquering Infertility, women learn how to cope with infertility in a much more positive way and to carve a path toward a rich, full, happy life.
- GenresNonfictionSelf Help
337 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2002
50 people are currently reading
179 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
April 24, 2012
This book should be required reading for anyone suffering from infertility. In addition to supplying practical advice (how to choose an infertility doctor), Dr. Domar supplies emotional tools (how not to cry in front of your boss). She gives validation to the unexpected and often surprising feelings of overwhelming loss and grief - she found that the psychological impact of infertility was as profound as diagnoses of heart disease, cancer and HIV/AIDS. Despite the fact that 7-15% of couples between 20-44 are infertile, its emotional impact is not common knowledge, therefore societal support is lacking and the pain is often met with impatience: "why don't you just adopt?" Her techniques offer ways to meet such statements with equanimity and grace.
Her techniques aren't just suggestions - through NIH funded studies, she found that all of her participants felt better, and for those whom the stress, depression and anxiety was a contributing factor to their infertility, after following her techniques 44% became pregnant. Dr. Domar addresses almost every possible infertility scenario: from primary to secondary infertility; infertility as a Lesbian or single woman; the feelings of failure that infertility brings; how to understand and not blame a spouse who doesn't seem as emotionally invested (often they are just hiding their pain); how to come to terms when one partner wants to stop trying; how to pay for the whole thing; how to find comfort through secular or religious means; and how to find peace through alternate means to parenthood or accepting childlessness.
There are many books on infertility, but there are few that are inspired by treatment programs that were so successful, other programs adopted their model nationwide. If you or a loved one is suffering from infertility, this book will give you a plan. It will give you some control back. It will give you hope.
Her techniques aren't just suggestions - through NIH funded studies, she found that all of her participants felt better, and for those whom the stress, depression and anxiety was a contributing factor to their infertility, after following her techniques 44% became pregnant. Dr. Domar addresses almost every possible infertility scenario: from primary to secondary infertility; infertility as a Lesbian or single woman; the feelings of failure that infertility brings; how to understand and not blame a spouse who doesn't seem as emotionally invested (often they are just hiding their pain); how to come to terms when one partner wants to stop trying; how to pay for the whole thing; how to find comfort through secular or religious means; and how to find peace through alternate means to parenthood or accepting childlessness.
There are many books on infertility, but there are few that are inspired by treatment programs that were so successful, other programs adopted their model nationwide. If you or a loved one is suffering from infertility, this book will give you a plan. It will give you some control back. It will give you hope.
July 16, 2021
This book helped me reshape my thinking around my struggles to get/stay pregnant. Reading this and starting to regularly practice yoga really turned my mental health around.
August 8, 2025
Possibly more like 3.5 but I'll rate it 3 for now. I particularly enjoyed the sections at the beginning about stress, depression (spoiler alert, according to this book I'm severely depressed 🙃) and the different coping mechanisms to deal with both as those are the areas I am personally struggling with the most. Might rate higher at a later date after putting some of those techniques to use.
June 25, 2009
This is kind of an amazing book in some ways, and disappointing in others. I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone who's struggling with infertility, and there are entire sections I wanted to copy out and distribute to certain family members and friends. I have an online support group, but somehow seeing "in print" (OK, on the iTouch screen but still) that other women have the same feelings was so very helpful.
There are points in the book that hit so close to home I found myself bawling while I was reading. I used some of the breathing techniques mentioned in chapter two to try to calm myself, with some success.
Overall, I don't think it's going to give you all the coping skills you might need, but just reading that other husbands react the way yours does, that getting a baby shower invitation makes other people scream and fling it at the trash can -- that's helpful enough in itself that I think anyone on the TTC rollercoaster should read it. Especially those of us who've been on here for a year, two years, or more.
There are points in the book that hit so close to home I found myself bawling while I was reading. I used some of the breathing techniques mentioned in chapter two to try to calm myself, with some success.
Overall, I don't think it's going to give you all the coping skills you might need, but just reading that other husbands react the way yours does, that getting a baby shower invitation makes other people scream and fling it at the trash can -- that's helpful enough in itself that I think anyone on the TTC rollercoaster should read it. Especially those of us who've been on here for a year, two years, or more.
October 12, 2007
Having gone through mild infertility treatments for our older daughter in 2003, and then extensive treatments and eventually In Vitro Fertilization for our twins in 2006, I highly recommend this book. It is not a solution to infertility, per se, but it is a helpful guide in coping with infertility -- a bouy to mind and spirit, a supplement to preparations for the struggles, trials, and challenges that accompany infertility treatments. I would even go so far as to recommend this book for anyone who is closely associated with someone going through infertility treatments, just to be informed and have an appreciation for the intensity of what these couples are experiencing.
Thia is an excellent book.
Thia is an excellent book.
Read
May 31, 2009Stress can prevent pregancy. Ironically, undergoing infertility treatment ranks up there to going through a divorce in terms of stress level (according to studies). So it's no wonder Dr. Domar gives techniques for relaxing. Which was great for me because traditional meditation and yoga don't work for me. My mind can't shut off. Dr. Domar has some techniques for those of us with "busy minds."
I also learned that sudden emotional outbursts isn't unusual. While I don't get upset when my girlfriends talk about their children (as some infertiles do), I do have my moments. Like when I suddenly got teary-eyed and yelled at God during an episode of Oprah where they were describing how an 18-month had been abused. (My behavior was normal.)
I also learned that sudden emotional outbursts isn't unusual. While I don't get upset when my girlfriends talk about their children (as some infertiles do), I do have my moments. Like when I suddenly got teary-eyed and yelled at God during an episode of Oprah where they were describing how an 18-month had been abused. (My behavior was normal.)
June 26, 2010
Despite the fierce title, this book is a wonderfully informative and diverse guide to the difficult journey of working with fertility. I love the author's gentle approach to this sensitive topic. She includes great advice about relaxation, communication and medical treatments. She has examples of families across the board, highlighting all the varied ways we can deal with this issue. Such a breath of fresh air, compared to some of the horrible books about fertility out there!
March 16, 2019
Don't be mislead by the title. This book isn't just about "conquering infertility" Its actually about support and encouragement and processing the miscarriages along the way. It validates the pain of loss, the loneliness of longing, the injustice women face when they dare to voice their longings of babies to the current cultural climate and the pros and cons of each fertility process. This book gave my best friend ( who was suffering secondary fertility - a concept this book also addresses after first degree infertility) her third baby - because for four years she could not conceive - she read this book, saw a doctor that knew about clomid and within the month she was pregnant. For myself, I read this 11 years after a vasectomy and I did not have infertility (as I had three children) but I did experience miscarriages and I went through a few years of deep wishing that we had not followed through on our choice and this book helped me process my miscarriages years later and also validated that secondary infertility can affect one's mental state too even if it is different from the heartbreak...and that its not comparable and each woman has pain in her journey and we all should be compassionate towards these sensitive topics. I feel this should be on all women's health book shelves.
May 18, 2019
Not only does this book cover the basics of conceiving, but also practical advice for when it doesn't quite go your way...something I know a lot about.
I appreciate that Domar dedicates chapters to the social and emotional side of ttc. Most people, especially those that are not reproductively challenged, don't really consider how infertility can affect all parts of life, like work, friendships, and one's relationship with a spouse/SO.
It's all good, solid advice from an expert. However, she does sort of take the "just relax" angle a little too far for my liking. Not that it's not good advice in general, and the techniques are excellent. But anyone who's struggling to conceive knows what I mean when I say that's not the "help" I want to hear. I've been there, I tried it, I meditated on it, yoga-ed on it, went for long walks on the beach about it. No amount of "relax" has helped.
I appreciate that Domar dedicates chapters to the social and emotional side of ttc. Most people, especially those that are not reproductively challenged, don't really consider how infertility can affect all parts of life, like work, friendships, and one's relationship with a spouse/SO.
It's all good, solid advice from an expert. However, she does sort of take the "just relax" angle a little too far for my liking. Not that it's not good advice in general, and the techniques are excellent. But anyone who's struggling to conceive knows what I mean when I say that's not the "help" I want to hear. I've been there, I tried it, I meditated on it, yoga-ed on it, went for long walks on the beach about it. No amount of "relax" has helped.
December 5, 2018
This is a classic for a reason. Dr. Domar covers all topics non-medical (and a bit of the medical too) related to infertility plus further resources for where to go next.
That last bit is the books primary problem -- we need a new edition! It's been a while and a lot of the resources and some of the science is out of date. However, it's still a very helpful book and introduction to taking care of yourself while infertility is unfolding and unraveling your life as you know it.
That last bit is the books primary problem -- we need a new edition! It's been a while and a lot of the resources and some of the science is out of date. However, it's still a very helpful book and introduction to taking care of yourself while infertility is unfolding and unraveling your life as you know it.
July 4, 2022
Hard book to read, aimed at people who fit the traditional model of married, Christian, American centric. Badly written and could have been edited much better - reading infertile and infertility every sentence does not help the target audience. Some of the patient stories were interesting and helpful. There is some validation of emotions from reading other people's journey. Must be better written and less over-the -top American based books out there. Not recommending
January 15, 2023
Although this book is about 10 years old, it was so comforting and validating. It has helped to give me some strategies to cope when I am surrounded by triggers or just having a really hard day; and it has really helped me process a lot of the infertility in pregnancy loss trauma I have experienced these past few years.
April 12, 2023
Loved the tangible coping tools this book provides.
April 9, 2013
"Conquering Infertility" is not a perfect book. It was written in 2002, and a lot of the medical landscape of assisted reproductive technology -- particularly in-vitro fertilization success rates -- has changed dramatically for the better. In spite of that and a few other issues, I still found the book a very worthwhile read.
The first part of the book instructs on some basic relaxation techniques to help calm the overactive stress system that gets engaged when you are undergoing infertility (IF) treatment. Domar details how to engage in progressive relaxation, visualization, and other techniques to kick in the relaxation response. She does this not because she claims it will help you get pregnant, but because it will help calm your system while you're dealing with this crisis. I did have a major criticism of this section: Domar is very quick to dismiss meditation as a helpful technique for overactive minds. She encourages you to try another relaxation technique instead. I don't know anyone who doesn't have an overactive mind -- it is the very nature of minds -- and the beauty of meditation is that you learn how to calm it. So, please don't give up on meditation!
The second part of the book deals with very specific IF issues. The chapters I found most useful were how to deal with handling IF at work, and the chapter on spirituality and IF. Both were full of compassion and practical advice for working through the problems IF poses.
The last chapter of the book is about how to deal with it when treatment fails. Domar discusses adoption, egg or sperm donation or living child-free. Again, she does so with compassion and practical advice.
Overall, if you are dealing with IF, I highly recommend this. A final note: the book, like most on this topic, is primarily directed at women, though I do think that men who read it would find it helpful.
The first part of the book instructs on some basic relaxation techniques to help calm the overactive stress system that gets engaged when you are undergoing infertility (IF) treatment. Domar details how to engage in progressive relaxation, visualization, and other techniques to kick in the relaxation response. She does this not because she claims it will help you get pregnant, but because it will help calm your system while you're dealing with this crisis. I did have a major criticism of this section: Domar is very quick to dismiss meditation as a helpful technique for overactive minds. She encourages you to try another relaxation technique instead. I don't know anyone who doesn't have an overactive mind -- it is the very nature of minds -- and the beauty of meditation is that you learn how to calm it. So, please don't give up on meditation!
The second part of the book deals with very specific IF issues. The chapters I found most useful were how to deal with handling IF at work, and the chapter on spirituality and IF. Both were full of compassion and practical advice for working through the problems IF poses.
The last chapter of the book is about how to deal with it when treatment fails. Domar discusses adoption, egg or sperm donation or living child-free. Again, she does so with compassion and practical advice.
Overall, if you are dealing with IF, I highly recommend this. A final note: the book, like most on this topic, is primarily directed at women, though I do think that men who read it would find it helpful.
August 30, 2013
If you are experiencing any kind of infertility, read this book. It isn't "eat more fish" and "try standing on your head"; it's advice for how to deal with the day-to-day struggles and challenges of infertility. There are different types of relaxation techniques that are explained in detail, and Dr. Domar offers concrete suggestions for dealing with family, friends, and co-workers (especially pregnant or insensitive ones), making plans, interacting with doctors and insurance companies, and knowing when to move on.
This is by far the most helpful book I have read about infertility. Domar doesn't promise that everyone will get pregnant, but she does promise that, if you can learn to handle your infertility, you will be okay no matter what the final outcome is.
This is by far the most helpful book I have read about infertility. Domar doesn't promise that everyone will get pregnant, but she does promise that, if you can learn to handle your infertility, you will be okay no matter what the final outcome is.
July 6, 2012
I'm only to Chapter 2 and I am already in love. This should be required reading for anyone who is infertile or anyone that knows anyone that is struggling with infertility. Domar provides a ton of statistics to back up her points. This is well researched and well written and super interesting. I especially love her connection of mind and body and her suggestions for increasing that bond. This is a wonderful book!!!!
I loved this book so much that I bought it. (I only buy books after I have read them 7 times so this was a first). I love the tips on meditating. I even have recommended this book to people that are fertile because her tips on how to connect the mind and body are wonderful.
I loved this book so much that I bought it. (I only buy books after I have read them 7 times so this was a first). I love the tips on meditating. I even have recommended this book to people that are fertile because her tips on how to connect the mind and body are wonderful.
October 10, 2007
I am re-reading this book because I recommend it to my patients and I want to be clearer on Alice Domars approach to supporting fertility patients. I don't really like the Title because it is so masculine and I do not thing ferility issues are something to "conquer" but I won't judge her because of that!
August 2, 2012
The title of this book is all wrong. It's not CONQUERING anything (and I HATE the "I" word), it's all about learning coping skills. She starts broad, with relaxation techniques and gets specific about your relationships (with spouse, with family and friends, with spirituality) and how they're challenged, and how to deal with them.
So so helpful and encouraging (just to know I'm not alone)
So so helpful and encouraging (just to know I'm not alone)
February 29, 2012
If it's taking longer than you'd like to get pregnant and/or you need medical assistance, this book provides mind/body methods to attempt to reduce stress and to keep from losing your mind. More importantly, it helps you feel less crazy and alone.
June 13, 2012
I knew the majority of the information in this book already, so it wasn't all that useful for me, but the stuff on the relaxation techniques -- especially the mini-relaxation ones -- was interesting.
February 20, 2008
Great book.
September 7, 2008
I am reading many books regarding this topic, but a particularly like this one's emphasis on stress and depression that can go along with infertility.
February 11, 2010
It was nice to find an infertility book that wasn't just about Clomid and IVF. I also loved that it included relaxation techniques for those of us who just can't turn our minds off.
February 9, 2010
A lifeline for infertility
June 3, 2012
Good book on dealing with infertility. Many practical suggestions."
June 27, 2008
i really need to take better care of myself and my stress level.
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews