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Long Shot: My Bipolar Life and the Horses Who Saved Me
Combine Seabiscuit with Manic —throw in a touch of HBO’s “Temple Grandin”—and you get Long Shot , a truly remarkable memoir by Sylvia Harris. A single mother of three, Harris was crippled by bipolar depression, until she discovered the miraculous healing and calming effect of horses—a revelation that ultimately enabled her to manage her illness, conquer the sexism of her field, and triumph as a champion jockey in the male-dominated world of horse racing. A fascinating, courageous, and ultimately redemptive true story, Long Shot has won high praise from Phyllis Chesler Ph.D., author of Women and Madness , who says, “[Harris’s] attempt to find balance, joy, connectedness, and purpose in life constitutes a great adventure story.”
224 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2011
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May 30, 2015
Sylvia Harris had a lot to overcome before her win on Wildwood Pegasus at Hawthorne Racetrack in 2007. She was already 40, pretty old for a jockey. She is a woman in a dangerous sport dominated by men. She was African-American, although that wasn't has much of a problem as being a woman (still being the only African American had to be difficult). She did not start riding until late in life, whereas most horse professionals pretty much grew up around horses. She had struggled with alcohol and homelessness, grew up in a dysfunctional family and suffered from bipolar disorder.
The symptoms of bipolar disorder did not become obvious until her late teens. On the day she graduated from high school, her father, an alcoholic, left. Her mother suffered from Crohn's disease and was frequently bedridden. Possibly triggered by the cumulative stress of these events, she suffered long nights of sleeplessness culminating in paranoia, imaginary voices, and delusions. This first episode is described in horrifying detail.
This was a tough book to read not only because of the debilitating mood swings. The effects of her family life reverberated throughout her life. Her desire to escape from this family led to bad choices. A series of boyfriends seemed like her ticket out. She fantasized about her common law marriage and soon became pregnant. Immaturity created conflicts between her own needs and the demands of raising a child. She learned the hard way that love doesn't conquer all. Finally, the lesson she took from her own upbringing was distrust. One can speculate that distrust strengthened her sense of self-reliance and independence, but it also left her isolated, emotionally unbalanced, and prone to impulsive decision-making.
What is striking to the reader is the apparent lack of an established protocol, at least in the 1980's, for treating bipolar disorder. At the mental institution in California, she was not even diagnosed as bipolar. Apparently her treatment consisted of sedation until she could be safely released. Harris' own method of coping was immersion in Buddhist chanting. At an east coast facility, a strict behavior modification regimen was practiced. She mentions group therapy sessions as well, but apparently the two components were not well integrated. She resented the system that kept her confined until she “earned” points for good behavior that could be spent on an overnight at home. The system exacerbated her innate independence and resistance to authority. The one thing that did seem to help was an experimental drug called Depakote. Of course, the medication cost money and she reached the point where she simply did not have the money to pay for the medication or any other medical help.
The story of triumph begins with horses. By the time she ended up in Ocala, Florida, she was homeless, and had lost custody of her children. As a child she had always displayed a natural gift with horses, and even owned a pony for a brief period. By chance she saw an ad in the paper, and took on a job of mucking out stalls. She progressed unsteadily to grooming, exercising, and training horses. Even this path was filled with obstacles. She encountered first hand many of the shady practices of people in the business. She made a handshake deal for an installment purchase of a farm only to find the owner had raised the price and was not applying her payments to the purchase. From her own experiences, she understood the dynamic of winning a horses trust. A chance conversation with a jockey ignited her next ambition, to become a jockey herself. It was an absurd notion, as more than one trainer bluntly told her, but she persisted. Perhaps it was the challenge of proving them wrong, or the emotional high she felt from racing that kept her going.
It's fitting that events brought Harris to Hawthorne. Hawthorne is a hard-luck venue like those described by T.D. Thornton in his book, NOT BY A LONG SHOT; A SEASON AT A HARD LUCK HORSE TRACK. Her mount, Wildwood Pegasus, had bad knees. None of the other jockeys wanted to ride him for fear of having a spill. Harris herself was a hard-luck case.
Harris's story is intercut with segments of the ten furlong race. Furlong One describes the critical seconds out of the starting gate. Successive furlongs chronicle her control over the excited horse in order to insure he has something left for the home stretch. There are tense moments when she is boxed in by other horses. She is also being squeezed toward the rail by a jockey determined she will not make any headway. There is even a breathtaking moment when her horse seems to stumble.
This book is a straightforward inspirational story of how grit, courage, and a connection with horses enabled Harris to overcome nearly insurmountable obstacles. It will undoubtedly fail to satisfy many readers. Some might complain it gives too little insight into manic depressive disorder. Much of that is intentional. Harris declares that she refuses to be defined by her disability. She does not take any medication when she races, relying instead on her immersion in Buddhism. Others will complain that she provides too little space to the horses she works with. Harris is not an introspective person, and that, too, leaves the reader feeling that her inner thoughts remain a cypher.
I enjoyed the opportunity to encounter friends from past readings once again. Wildwood Pegasus was descended from Fusaichi Pegasus, winner of the 2000 Kentucky Derby, and discussed in Joe Drape's book, THE RACE FOR THE TRIPLE CROWN. A filly Harris calls Storm Cat baby was sired by the great Storm Cat who is prominently profiled in Kevin Conley's STUD: ADVENTURES IN BREEDING. One of the tracks on Harris' circuit is Arlington Park, just outside of Chicago, my home town. Harris concludes her book with a question: ”Will I make it? I don't know. I'm a long shot. But someday, I'll be a winner, and I'm learning you don't always have to come in first to accomplish that.” One can only echo that sentiment and wish her the best in any future endeavors. Certainly, there will be horses in that future.
The symptoms of bipolar disorder did not become obvious until her late teens. On the day she graduated from high school, her father, an alcoholic, left. Her mother suffered from Crohn's disease and was frequently bedridden. Possibly triggered by the cumulative stress of these events, she suffered long nights of sleeplessness culminating in paranoia, imaginary voices, and delusions. This first episode is described in horrifying detail.
This was a tough book to read not only because of the debilitating mood swings. The effects of her family life reverberated throughout her life. Her desire to escape from this family led to bad choices. A series of boyfriends seemed like her ticket out. She fantasized about her common law marriage and soon became pregnant. Immaturity created conflicts between her own needs and the demands of raising a child. She learned the hard way that love doesn't conquer all. Finally, the lesson she took from her own upbringing was distrust. One can speculate that distrust strengthened her sense of self-reliance and independence, but it also left her isolated, emotionally unbalanced, and prone to impulsive decision-making.
What is striking to the reader is the apparent lack of an established protocol, at least in the 1980's, for treating bipolar disorder. At the mental institution in California, she was not even diagnosed as bipolar. Apparently her treatment consisted of sedation until she could be safely released. Harris' own method of coping was immersion in Buddhist chanting. At an east coast facility, a strict behavior modification regimen was practiced. She mentions group therapy sessions as well, but apparently the two components were not well integrated. She resented the system that kept her confined until she “earned” points for good behavior that could be spent on an overnight at home. The system exacerbated her innate independence and resistance to authority. The one thing that did seem to help was an experimental drug called Depakote. Of course, the medication cost money and she reached the point where she simply did not have the money to pay for the medication or any other medical help.
The story of triumph begins with horses. By the time she ended up in Ocala, Florida, she was homeless, and had lost custody of her children. As a child she had always displayed a natural gift with horses, and even owned a pony for a brief period. By chance she saw an ad in the paper, and took on a job of mucking out stalls. She progressed unsteadily to grooming, exercising, and training horses. Even this path was filled with obstacles. She encountered first hand many of the shady practices of people in the business. She made a handshake deal for an installment purchase of a farm only to find the owner had raised the price and was not applying her payments to the purchase. From her own experiences, she understood the dynamic of winning a horses trust. A chance conversation with a jockey ignited her next ambition, to become a jockey herself. It was an absurd notion, as more than one trainer bluntly told her, but she persisted. Perhaps it was the challenge of proving them wrong, or the emotional high she felt from racing that kept her going.
It's fitting that events brought Harris to Hawthorne. Hawthorne is a hard-luck venue like those described by T.D. Thornton in his book, NOT BY A LONG SHOT; A SEASON AT A HARD LUCK HORSE TRACK. Her mount, Wildwood Pegasus, had bad knees. None of the other jockeys wanted to ride him for fear of having a spill. Harris herself was a hard-luck case.
Harris's story is intercut with segments of the ten furlong race. Furlong One describes the critical seconds out of the starting gate. Successive furlongs chronicle her control over the excited horse in order to insure he has something left for the home stretch. There are tense moments when she is boxed in by other horses. She is also being squeezed toward the rail by a jockey determined she will not make any headway. There is even a breathtaking moment when her horse seems to stumble.
This book is a straightforward inspirational story of how grit, courage, and a connection with horses enabled Harris to overcome nearly insurmountable obstacles. It will undoubtedly fail to satisfy many readers. Some might complain it gives too little insight into manic depressive disorder. Much of that is intentional. Harris declares that she refuses to be defined by her disability. She does not take any medication when she races, relying instead on her immersion in Buddhism. Others will complain that she provides too little space to the horses she works with. Harris is not an introspective person, and that, too, leaves the reader feeling that her inner thoughts remain a cypher.
I enjoyed the opportunity to encounter friends from past readings once again. Wildwood Pegasus was descended from Fusaichi Pegasus, winner of the 2000 Kentucky Derby, and discussed in Joe Drape's book, THE RACE FOR THE TRIPLE CROWN. A filly Harris calls Storm Cat baby was sired by the great Storm Cat who is prominently profiled in Kevin Conley's STUD: ADVENTURES IN BREEDING. One of the tracks on Harris' circuit is Arlington Park, just outside of Chicago, my home town. Harris concludes her book with a question: ”Will I make it? I don't know. I'm a long shot. But someday, I'll be a winner, and I'm learning you don't always have to come in first to accomplish that.” One can only echo that sentiment and wish her the best in any future endeavors. Certainly, there will be horses in that future.
March 9, 2015
I'm a bit of a cynic in real life, but somehow can't resist the type of book that shows how animals help turn people's lives around - maybe because they are an affirmation of exactly how I feel about my own assorted horses, dogs and cats. This one in particular I was looking forward to as it supposed to be about horses helping with the neurological problems of a young woman in America - sadly, it didn't live up to the hype in the blurb.
Sylvia has her first manic episode after her father leaves the family home and her mother's illness becomes more pronounced. Without a correct diagnosis or the money for the correct drugs, she careens from one bad decision to the next, losing partners, her children, jobs, homes and family. By accident, she ends up working at a racetrack and builds her way up from stall cleaner to groom and finally to jockey, putting he life together as best she can.
I did like the format - each chapter begins as the next furlong of the first race she won, the action on the racetrack mirroring the next episode in her life. And there are a lot of episodes to get through - a lurching rollercoaster of disasters! However, even when working with the horses, I failed to get a real understanding of how they helped her - other than saying how calm she could be around them, she doesn't really go into a lot of detail. Don't get me wrong, I fully believe being around animals has a positive influence on my metal attitude, but it would've been nice to have it explored here.
My only little niggle is how Sylvia is adamant about how she doesn't use whips - yet 'taps' her horses on the shoulder during racing and training - with what then? To be honest, I have no problem with using whips in a correct manner - i.e. as a schooling aid not as punishment - but maybe a bit more clarification in the text would have put her point across better.
Anyway, overall, an ok read that I just wish spent more time on the horses. But worth reading nonetheless.
Sylvia has her first manic episode after her father leaves the family home and her mother's illness becomes more pronounced. Without a correct diagnosis or the money for the correct drugs, she careens from one bad decision to the next, losing partners, her children, jobs, homes and family. By accident, she ends up working at a racetrack and builds her way up from stall cleaner to groom and finally to jockey, putting he life together as best she can.
I did like the format - each chapter begins as the next furlong of the first race she won, the action on the racetrack mirroring the next episode in her life. And there are a lot of episodes to get through - a lurching rollercoaster of disasters! However, even when working with the horses, I failed to get a real understanding of how they helped her - other than saying how calm she could be around them, she doesn't really go into a lot of detail. Don't get me wrong, I fully believe being around animals has a positive influence on my metal attitude, but it would've been nice to have it explored here.
My only little niggle is how Sylvia is adamant about how she doesn't use whips - yet 'taps' her horses on the shoulder during racing and training - with what then? To be honest, I have no problem with using whips in a correct manner - i.e. as a schooling aid not as punishment - but maybe a bit more clarification in the text would have put her point across better.
Anyway, overall, an ok read that I just wish spent more time on the horses. But worth reading nonetheless.
October 2, 2015
This book took a few years to write and the results are disappointing. Many questions are left unanswered. Despite the subtitle, there is hardly any space in the book devoted to horses. Most of it chronicles train wreck after train wreck of Sylvia Harris' life.
She claims to love horses and yet she goes into racing -- one of the cruelest legal sports around for horses. She also cites faith as one of the reasons for her "successes" (what successes? Where?) and yet she describes her faith making her choose what would turn out to be bad decisions.
All in all, I was more depressed AFTER I read this book than before I read it.
She claims to love horses and yet she goes into racing -- one of the cruelest legal sports around for horses. She also cites faith as one of the reasons for her "successes" (what successes? Where?) and yet she describes her faith making her choose what would turn out to be bad decisions.
All in all, I was more depressed AFTER I read this book than before I read it.
August 9, 2013
Picked this book up from the carboot on as off shot of being a horse fanatic but this was such an amazing and inspiring read. From the way that Sylvia has written this, it really gives you a peak into what her life what actually like and you can start to imagine her feeling, strengths and weakness' through the whole book.
Loved that it was short and don't drag on into to much details but got quick and to the point. Would happily read this again and would love her to write another for more updates about her life.
A definite well deserved 5 stars for more reason that one.
Loved that it was short and don't drag on into to much details but got quick and to the point. Would happily read this again and would love her to write another for more updates about her life.
A definite well deserved 5 stars for more reason that one.
March 6, 2016
Just one thing after another. Whilst I have some admiration for the author in trying scheme after scheme to get by, I don't understand why she didn't rely on medication. I understand there were times when she felt she had no money but many other times she was earning and still didn't take them, knowing the disastrous and seemingly inevitable result. I tried to view this book as a story of perseverance but more often I felt frustrated. As if her future looks ok but it trails behind a long line of sadness and difficulties.
July 1, 2011
In racing parlance-DNF.
May 27, 2012
Good, easy read that shows another side to the therapeutic value of horses.
May 18, 2015
Sad and depressing. Not great writing either.
January 11, 2020
Silvia Harris, mother of three, wanna-be actress, singer, nurse and a host of other things, all rolled into a bi-polar ball of angst. From her first bout with manic behavior, she managed to exile family, friends, jobs. Medication would help for a while, but medication takes money, which was often in short supply. When she re-discovered her love of animals, she realized working with horses helped her step back from the edge she lived on. Her bi-polar behaviors took a back seat for a while, allowing her to take several steps forward in her fight to reconnect with family and make friends.
Sylvia and her co-authors tell her agonizing story, interspersed with glimpses into a race on the back of a long-shot called Wildwood Pegasus.
Sylvia and her co-authors tell her agonizing story, interspersed with glimpses into a race on the back of a long-shot called Wildwood Pegasus.
July 16, 2017
This was a difficult book to read, as Harris documents how her illness causes her to continuously sabotage herself. The difficult family relationships are especially painful. It was interesting how the one thing, besides Buddhist chanting, that helps her maintain her equilibrium are her contact with horses, in almost any situation.
May 8, 2018
I really enjoyed this book. A good story of a strong woman making it (somehow) in a mans world of horse racing. She had some serious stick-to-it attitude. The book left me wondering how she was doing now. I actually found the author on Facebook and messaged a bit.
January 22, 2025
The author has definitely gone through an extremely hard life and this is portrayed well through her writing. I'm so glad I found this book on libby as I really enjoyed reading it. Many thanks to the author and publishers for creating this heartfelt story.
March 8, 2021
Ponies + overcoming rough stuff. Candid and also contains plenty of horse content.
October 24, 2021
This book gave me a little insight as to what a bipolar person experiences. Sylvia takes responsibility for her actions, but at the same time some person around her are far from healthy influences
January 13, 2023
Quick read
February 20, 2012
I was interested in this because of both a history of mental illness (including bipolar) in my family, and for the horses and the therapeutic aspects, and i was quite satisfied with it. I found it very readable (if a little easy), and Harris certainly has had an interesting life despite/ because of her illness. I liked that she presented different treatment types, and it wasn't "all meds and institutions are Bad!". I also really liked when she talked on pg 108 about how her actions are not always a result of her illness, even if they seem like they might be. She might just be having a low time, or a hyper time, and responding to that. that's one thing i've struggled with in dealing with my depression, is knowing (or haing it be accepted) that sometimes when i lash out or hibernate or whathaveyou, it's an accurate, acceptable response, not just my depression. I appreciated Harris' ability to demonstrate and state that, without apologizing. I also liked the horses of course, although they weren't as prominent as in some other books like this.
October 3, 2015
Sylvia Harris is a very brave woman to take on riding racehorses well into adulthood, to face discrimination on account of her gender, her race, and her bipolar disorder. She's also very brave for telling her story so openly and with such candor and true humility. Her life has been a wild roller coaster ride of complicated relationships with her family, her lovers, and her children. It made for an interesting read and I totally cheered her on as she fought to find her own mental stability, job security, and custody of her children. Horses were a big part of her recovery along with the help of some very generous mentors. As a lifelong horse lover, I too can attest to the power of horses to bring out the best in us.
November 24, 2011
Interesting story of a lady who is only the second ever, black, female jockey to win a major Thoroughbred race. Her struggles and story is especially interesting because she is bipolar. I was more interested in the horse aspect of her story, but it was an interesting read as I really did not know much about bipolar behavior. Would recommend if you have an interest in horse racing or bipolar disorder.
April 4, 2012
No holds barred, quick read that pulls you into Harris' life of love, loss, misfortune, hard work, and horses. If you don't know anything about the horse racing world, you'll understand the basics although some points will likely leave you confused (not every bit of terminology is explained for the layman). Kudos to Harris for baring all in this gripping story of her life so far.
May 20, 2014
A great read for anyone, not just horse lovers. It's about overcoming obstacles, some quite formidable, even when they seem to come all at once. Everyone can learn from her determination. The author is not a professional writer but her voice comes through nonetheless. She is raw, honest, and unforgettable.
June 24, 2011
Fascinating to read this memoir, both to follow the challenges of living a bipolar life, and to experience through the author, the healing power of horses. Sylvia Harris is the first successful African American female jockey.
December 22, 2012
Sylvia provides a glimpse into her life and how her bipolar disorder has had it's effect on her own life & those closest to her. A tale of disasters & triumph, major highs and lows, and how she has found her refuge and peace of mind running with the horses.
September 8, 2013
I finished it so I guess that says something. I enjoyed her journey towards becoming a jockey. But her personal struggles we sketchy and disjointed. not sure if that was to show us about being manic or just her lack of writing style.
May 22, 2011
Story of bipolar woman and her life story as she finds strength and calmness in her work with horses. Fast read. Not great writing but truly fascinating story.
August 19, 2011
It was a story of perseverance, grit, courage and triumph; way to go girl!
January 10, 2012
Sylvia Harris story of the struggles with bipolar disorder, and her passion of horses leading her in becoming a jockey.
May 16, 2012
Great Read
May 8, 2013
It was ok. Not really into autobiographies. The story had enough action to keep u interested. Quick read and glad to have found out about African American jockeys, especially women.
June 3, 2016
Such a lovely book, I really enjoyed reading it and it gives hope to people with similar conditions x
April 2, 2017
A pretty quick read.
I am always interested in reading about mental health, but can't say this book engaged me. Hats off to the author though, it is not easy telling your story so openly.
I am always interested in reading about mental health, but can't say this book engaged me. Hats off to the author though, it is not easy telling your story so openly.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews