Sex and the Spiritual Teacher: Why It Happens, When It's a Problem, and What We All Can Do

by Scott Edelstein

Sex and the Spiritual Teacher looks at the complex of forces that tempt otherwise insightful, compassionate, and well-intentioned teachers to lose their way--and that tempt some of their students to lose their way as well. It analyzes why most of our current efforts to keep spiritual teachers from transgressing usually don't (and in fact can't) work. Perhaps most importantly, it suggests a set of practices and structures that can build community, encourage healthy student-teacher relationships, increase trust and spiritual intimacy between teachers and their students, and help authentic spiritual teachers stay happily monogamous or celibate. Sex and the Spiritual Teacher is for anyone who is or might become part of a spiritual students, teachers, clergy, lay leaders, and even casual visitors. It's a reader-friendly, no-nonsense guide to making spiritual life safer and fuller for all of us one person, relationship, and community at a time.

Genres: Spirituality, Zen

264 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2011

About the author

Since 1978, Scott has studied happily and productively with several spiritual teachers, including Toni Packer, Dainin Katagiri, Tim McCarthy, and (currently) Steve Hagen. As the friend of many spiritual teachers from a variety of traditions, he has also spent much time with them off duty, sometimes serving as confidant. He is a longtime practitioner of both Buddhism and Judaism, and a committed proponent of serious spirituality in all forms and traditions. He has been a member of Methodist, Quaker, Buddhist, and Jewish congregations.

Scotts short work on spiritual topics has appeared in Shambhala Sun, American Jewish World, The Writer, the anthology What About God? (Upper Room Books), and elsewhere. His new book Sex and the Spiritual Teacher will be published in April 2011 by Wisdom Publications. A sequel, Breathe, Listen, Learn: A Practical Guide for Everyone Who Wants (or Has) a Spiritual Teacher, will be published in 2012 by Wisdom.

Scott is the author of 15 other books on a wide range of subjects, including writing and publishing, success in college, and recovery from addiction. "

Reviews

[Craig Bergland · Rating 4 out of 5]

A solid and insightful book not only on spiritual teachers who sleep with their students and how to deal with them, but also on how to establish systems within spiritual organizations to help avoid problems - understanding, or course, that it is impossible to guarantee problems won't develop - and to deal with problems should they arise. If I have a point of disagreement with the author it is with his assertion that in rare cases spiritual teachers can become sexually involved with a students and remain in their positions. From my perspective as the leader and founder of a small denomination, the potential liability would be too great to risk the chance. I do agree that, should a spiritual teacher and a student recognize an attraction and elect to discontinue their student - teacher relationship to explore a relationship together, no transgression has occurred and no problem exists. I believe this is an important book that should be required reading for every teacher and teacher in training in every tradition!

[Steve · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a no nonsense book about how to handle sexual misconduct in the spiritual community. I recommend it for anyone who does any kind of administration for a spiritual community. It doesn't recount the endless series of lapses, nor does it seek to vilify or blame others. There are many interesting book recommendations, I hope to follow up on.

The author was raised Jewish and spent time in a Zen sangha, and quotes Christian books. I don't remember one about Islam, but he does reference Sufi wisdom, which is from Islam. Thus it seems inclusive and not sectarian.

Minor criticism: I would cut about 25% of the "this is not what I'm going to tell you" and "this is why you should like my book", and the sycophantic afterword.

[Roza Riaikkenen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a big question. A person is in search for spiritual guidance. She/he comes to someone who is an acclaimed spiritual teacher and becomes a spiritual student. If a student is suspicious of the teacher and doesn't completely open, then the teaching cannot be received and applied in its entirety. If a student opens up and is completely obedient, then the teacher receives an enormous power over the student. How does the teacher use this power depends on the teacher who is very tempted in this case to use their power to give way to their desires including sex.
The author of the book did a comprehensive research and provides his worthy advises to the teacher, the student, and the structure of their relationships. However, can the question be answered once and forever until you are a student of a person who is still in his/her physical body?

[Lori Shinkō Snyder · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are a priest or a student, this is an important read to stop the cycles of patriarchal abuse. 98% of abuse is done by men. Facts. I read this for the Buddhist ethical boundaries course - very necessary to stop all forms of power imbalance.