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250 pages, Trade Paperback
First published January 1, 1995
Like most of the trouble that’s happened in my life or that I’ve caused to happen, the trouble that happened that night started with a drink. Nobody forced my hand; I poured it myself. . . .It was the first drink of many. Bored and lonely after closing the bar, Nick drinks until he can no longer fill the glass without splashing the countertop. At that point he stumbles over to another bar still open and active, and after some brief socializing returns to The Spot, drinking all the way. Walking blackouts ensue, followed by driving blackouts. Nick ends up at a vacant area by the Anacostia River, parked in woods because of the need to urinate, but not making it to the nearby clearing before collapsing, unable to move. Consciousness comes and goes over the course of the night. During one stretch of awareness he hears an execution, and come morning, when mobility returns, he discovers a bound young man floating in the water.
“The thirst for knowledge is like a piece of ass you know you shouldn't chase; in the end, you chase it just the same.”
Lyla lifted her wineglass. ‘Takes the edge off,’ she said, and had a sip. ‘Yeah, that’ll do it.’
‘I thought you looked a little thick today,’ I said. And I had noticed her hand shaking as she picked up her glass.
She shrugged apologetically. ‘Happy hour stretched to last call. Sorry I didn’t make it over last night.’
I left fourteen on nine and walked to the entranceway, where I dropped a quarter into a pay phone and dialed.
…
I ordered six to go, and Steve arranged them in a cardboard carrier. I left thirty on eighteen, and LaDuke and I headed out the door.
Near the register hung a framed photograph of Jackie Kahn, former Athena’s bartender and mother of my child, a boy named Kent, now nine months old.
He looked to be reasonably fit, a thin silver-haired man at the very end of his middle years, with prosperity – or the illusion of it – apparent in every thread of his clothes. He wore a nonvented Italian-cut suit over a powder blue shirt with a white spread collar, and a maroon tie featuring subtle geometrics, gray parallelograms shaded in blue to pick up the blue off the suit. His face was long, sharply featured, and angular, except for his lips, which were thick and damp and oddly red, reminded me somehow of a thinly sliced strawberry.
You know, you don’t always have to work so hard at being cynical around me, Nick. I know that, in your own way, you have a fairly clear idea of what’s right and what’s wrong. Not all the good that gets done in this world gets done in a church or a meeting hall, I realize that.
I told him, and then we went back and forth on it for the next half hour. In the end, against his better judgment, he agreed to do what I asked, maybe because he knew that we both wanted the same thing. I set a time and thanked him, then hung the receiver in its cradle. Then I tilted my head back and killed the rest of my beer.
I could have called Boyle back and ended it right then, if I had just called him back, things might not have gone the way they did between Lyla and me, and I never would have met Jack LaDuke. But the thirst for knowledge is like a piece of ass you know you shouldn’t chase; in the end, you chase it just the same.
…
You got this one way of lookin’ at things, like it’s right or it’s not, and nothing in between.
…
I don’t believe in this victimized-society crap. All those people pointing fingers, never pointing at themselves. So people get abused as kids, then spend the rest of their lives blaming their own deficient personalities on something that happened in their childhoods. It’s bullshit, you know it? I mean, everybody’s carrying some kind of baggage, right? I know I was scarred, and maybe I was scarred real deep. But knowing that doesn’t straighten anything out for me.
…
Everything is black and white with people like you. People like you can’t even see the possibility of a higher power. No, I am certain that if you were asked, you’d say that there is no God.
You got matches? You always got matches, Nick.
I had another beer, and another after that. By then, it had gotten pretty late. I thought of my cat, out in the weather, hungry and pacing on the stoop. I dimmed the lights and put on a coat, then locked the place and set the alarm. I went out to the street.