When I scanned the reviews of this book, I was utterly shocked. How on Earth could anyone LIKE this piece of... from the loo? How can NO ONE see how bad this book is? Or am I the only one who has eyes and a brain accustomed to quality books?
This book is so bad that I reread it. You're probably thinking "Does she mean horribly good? Why would you reread it if it is so bad?"
I reread it with a pencil, to make notes what utter BS that the publisher decided to tarnish their name with. I correected punctuation and syntax, circling all the repeated words and writiing down my comments. I used these notes to show all my friends what I have to go through. It actually made my day, giving me hilarious conversation including a debate I had with my best friend about the temperature of a monkey's butt. (Page 35. A bizzar simile made by Chaz about how it's as cold as a monkey's butt).
This book is about racism, and it's certainly taught me a thing or two. You should never trust a book by it's cover, because if you don't read the first page, you are wasting your money a book like Hidden. And the "two" you taught me is check on the Internet to see if you are buying the first book or not. I have made both of those mistakes on this waste of bookshelf.
Because if I had the time to check out the first page, I would have learnt that I am never going to like the main character. Blame it on the fact my mom gave me the limitation of "all the books you can carry" and in "five minutes" as a reward for my marks.
I also would have learnt that the author doesn't know the effect tense has. Present tense is awkward. Past continuous and simple is natural to most readers and is not actaully associated with the flashbacks that the character has. She doesn't understand that she could have used italics to separate the past and the present.
I have read an entire book where they did not use punctuation for direct speech. No inverted comma, no new line new speaker. It didn't bother me that much because the writing was excellent.
But you know what gets on my nerves? The lack of inverted commas around Alix's thoughts. The author would just write "That's a relief, she thinks", oblivious to the italics button on the top left hand corner of whatever piece of technology that she abused when she wrote this story. You cannot do this: "I pace wearing a hole in the carpet, Maybe she'll be out soon, I think." (not a quote, but I have too much of this to look for a quote is this disgusting book.)
Commas and capital letters do not go together. Kapish?
Still looking at the thoughts of Alix... it's first person. You don't need to tell us that Alix is thinking, we are already in her head, bored shitless in the empty skull of hers.
And there are other verbs that have the same meaning of "think". "wonder", "ponder", "brood over", "chant in your head" and so many others that don't me want to pull my eyes out. Halahmy, you need a thesaurus. You use the same words over and over. Here are words you don't like parting with:
"a bit"
"quite"
"no-one"
"worse"
"elephants"
...Elephants. Why is Alix so obsessed with elephants?! My best friend wanted a reason to argue with me, defending your book by saying that is metaphorical. Racism is the elephant in the room. I didn't see it that way, see as that Alix apparently is "sensitive" to that.
I was greatly offended when the author said "Must be amazing seeing them out of your bedroom window if you live in Africa. Maybe Samir used to ride elephants in his country, although he's not black, so is he from India?"
Bitch, you're not black... so you're Indian. And do you know what I see when I look out of my bedroom window? I see a complex of flats, all exactly the same, with the same irritating chirping or birds and swirrels my mother is ready to kill. Not an elephant. I know many Africans that have never seen an elephant in their lives. Not even at the zoo because THERE IS NO ZOO. The closest thing you get to a wild thing in my home city is a rodent.
Hey, Alix, you're white. You must be from America! Do you have a Big Mac with every sociopath that comes knocking on your door with a chairsaw? What a silly question!
You home isn't subject to stereotypes. It's subject to Russian terrorists and super villains. How silly of a not-black African I am! An elephant must have sneaked up on me when I was gutting an Indian boy from Arghanistan and hit me with its elephant ninja skills. I was puking so much after that concussion.
My sarcastic rant being done for the time being, the concussion business with Muhammed (who is only refered to as "our man" even though they know his name). The doctor said that after a concussion, one may vomit and faint. Taking this in mind, Alix thinks that both she and our man have a concussion. She said her grandfather was a sailer and they were close. Surely Grandpa would have taught her the basics of first aid? Even though I didn't spend long in Scouts, I know that neither of them had a concussion. Our man just DROWNED. That means he inhaled WATER. Nor his stomach nor his lungs like that. So they VOMIT all that icky salt water out. You, Alix, just have a sympathetic gag reflex. Never mind that you weren't close to any rocks, or deep enough to have your head knocked on the sea bed...
Although it would be great to gie you break down of all the mistakes of this book, I have a life (unlike Halahway, who hasn't bothered to check how to write a good book). So I am just going to chew up and spit out one chapter - chapter 4.
Problem #1: "wonderful smile" - Halahway only describes his smile like this. No other adjectives to describe its radiant beauty.
Problem #2: "...totally in her own world." - Yeah, and she was like, totes in her own world. Yeah, she got her big ass family to buy it for her. So jelly. All my family is, like, in a velvet lined bed in the gross ground.
Problem #3: "What's it got to do with her? I think..." - Italics, italics, italics. Think, think, think about it.
Problem #4: "Me and Kim..." - If you don't see what's wrong with the use of pronouns and word order... I truly fear for you. This is a primary school mistake.
Problem #5: "... one of the Science geeks." - since when does "science" become a adjectival noun (or whatever they are called) like Australian? Only country/culture names as adjectives can have a capital at the beginning of the word. And everybody knows that those high school social groupings are completely bogus. They don't exist out of Disney Channel. Nobody strictly can be classified like that. For example, one of the biggest jocks in the school, an aspiring soccer player, has been number one in the grade ever since he came into high school. Geek and Jock? Nooooo, those don't exist because you can only be one.
Problem #6: "Yeah, well my Dad says all them asylum seekers are bogus. It's in the papers." - Here's a lesson folks: newspapers are not supposed to be biased. They cannot start waving things like "STOP ASYLUM MADNESS" filled with anti refugees propaganda. The headline is fine, becuase headlines are allowed to be sensational and scandalous. As long as the article remains neutral, no emotive language. The newspaper never siad anything, just repeating whatever racist assholes say.
Problem #7: "He's in the First Eleven..." - I have no clue what that means. Year Eleven, perhaps? What are you doing in a Year 10 class?
Problem #8: "They speak posh..." - and the author speaks stupid. I speak opinion.
Problem #9: "Very clever, I don't think." - the one thing I can agree on. You shouldn't use the word "think" too much. Or think too much.
Problem #10: " Sceince geek: 'What about illegal immigrants, you hear about them all the time.' Mr. Spicer: 'Good question.' " - Was it a question? Is there a question mark. I see inquisitive language, but no question mark.
I was going to go on, but I just sick of retyping all this artificial BS. Here's a summery of what I think about this book:
● Get a proper editer, Halahway. Or take a English class.
● It reads very blandly.
● It's too beautiful looking to be this boring.
● Not too sure how much was intentional. Fake and selfish to reflect our souls? I don't know.