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A Cynic's Guide to a Rich and Full Life
Tongue-in-cheek advice on how to be more self-centered, cynical, and most
importantly, hilariously inappropriate.
People say that what you give is what you get. That you need to slow down and soak in life. Stop and smell the bacon. People will also tell you that the essence of joy is found
within the appreciation of the little things. Simply put, those people are idiots.
Planting a garden will leave you with sore knees and throbbing blisters. Taking the
scenic route will make you tardy. Furthermore, you cannot pay your mortgage with the
laughter of children.
Anyone can hold a door open for a stranger. However, it takes a rare and special breed
to trip them in the process.
Not surprisingly, the bulk of society frowns on that sort of behavior. So we offer you this
black cloud of unconventional wisdom to quell those dark urges; a collection of joyfully
inappropriate wishful thinking that would dampen the days of those near and not so
dear.
So we urge you, hesitant reader, to plant your tongue firmly in cheek and prepare to
learn the secrets of living a truly rich and full life.
"Dance like nobody's watching. Then apologize to those who were."
"Tape record your mother's laughter. Play it at your father's funeral."
"Be big enough to admit your mistakes. Then take them all out for happy meals."
"To battle the blues, try exercising. Still down? Try cutting yourself."
"Every year, send out a dozen Christmas cards. All addressed to your Jewish neighbor."
"Ignorance may be bliss, but it's also expensive. You poor, happy idiot."
"If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Check for an Adam's apple."
"Find someone who can always be trusted. Then find a unicorn that farts rainbows."
"Start a standing ovation at a grade-school play. Stand and boo."
"Learn a new card trick! Then show it to your dog. Seriously, no one else cares."
"Obey all ten commandments. Nerd."
"DiGiorgio's as dry as a martini at the Tanqueray distillery, as caustic as a Drano
milkshake, as funny as a banana peel on the floor of the Republican convention."
― The Austin Chronicle
"For a comic who's still a baby in the business, Mario's got no hacky shit in his act."
― Nick Dipaolo, comedian
importantly, hilariously inappropriate.
People say that what you give is what you get. That you need to slow down and soak in life. Stop and smell the bacon. People will also tell you that the essence of joy is found
within the appreciation of the little things. Simply put, those people are idiots.
Planting a garden will leave you with sore knees and throbbing blisters. Taking the
scenic route will make you tardy. Furthermore, you cannot pay your mortgage with the
laughter of children.
Anyone can hold a door open for a stranger. However, it takes a rare and special breed
to trip them in the process.
Not surprisingly, the bulk of society frowns on that sort of behavior. So we offer you this
black cloud of unconventional wisdom to quell those dark urges; a collection of joyfully
inappropriate wishful thinking that would dampen the days of those near and not so
dear.
So we urge you, hesitant reader, to plant your tongue firmly in cheek and prepare to
learn the secrets of living a truly rich and full life.
"Dance like nobody's watching. Then apologize to those who were."
"Tape record your mother's laughter. Play it at your father's funeral."
"Be big enough to admit your mistakes. Then take them all out for happy meals."
"To battle the blues, try exercising. Still down? Try cutting yourself."
"Every year, send out a dozen Christmas cards. All addressed to your Jewish neighbor."
"Ignorance may be bliss, but it's also expensive. You poor, happy idiot."
"If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Check for an Adam's apple."
"Find someone who can always be trusted. Then find a unicorn that farts rainbows."
"Start a standing ovation at a grade-school play. Stand and boo."
"Learn a new card trick! Then show it to your dog. Seriously, no one else cares."
"Obey all ten commandments. Nerd."
"DiGiorgio's as dry as a martini at the Tanqueray distillery, as caustic as a Drano
milkshake, as funny as a banana peel on the floor of the Republican convention."
― The Austin Chronicle
"For a comic who's still a baby in the business, Mario's got no hacky shit in his act."
― Nick Dipaolo, comedian
- GenresHumorNonfiction
160 pages, Hardcover
First published October 3, 2007
1 person is currently reading
62 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
April 29, 2015
Este es un libro innecesario. Es innecesario y ni siquiera es tan gracioso.
Si querés ser un cínico, lo primero es no regodearte en tu cinismo. Bye.
Si querés ser un cínico, lo primero es no regodearte en tu cinismo. Bye.
December 2, 2017
I bought this book some time ago, in the humble bundle page. This is a funny book, some jokes are funny, some are not, but it do the job. A fast read, that can be done in one day or two.
3/5
3/5
March 23, 2021
Bad humor. I love this publisher, but this book was painful. I was unable to finish it.
April 23, 2015
It's like reading one of those life advice/motivational quote books you'd find in Hallmark stores, if it was instead written by a rude, oversexed lunatic.
A good number of the jokes made me chuckle, either out of their absurdity or dark sense of humor.
Awh, how poetic.
But maybe as a consequence of trying to fill 160 pages with these sort of jokes, so many of them miss the mark. Many are dull, banal, or repeats of better executed jokes from earlier. Even worse are the ones that are just so far out in left-field that I don't know why Digiorgio thought they were a good idea. "Hug a cow. Rape an ostrich." What? "Learn to juggle. Kittens." Sure, I get it. Still doesn't make it funny.
But at least when the author has a good joke, it really works. I will likely steal many of these in the very near future.
A good number of the jokes made me chuckle, either out of their absurdity or dark sense of humor.
Help a child plant a garden.
They have no idea what
pot looks like.
Accept your limitations.
Stop trying to suck your own dick.
Awh, how poetic.
But maybe as a consequence of trying to fill 160 pages with these sort of jokes, so many of them miss the mark. Many are dull, banal, or repeats of better executed jokes from earlier. Even worse are the ones that are just so far out in left-field that I don't know why Digiorgio thought they were a good idea. "Hug a cow. Rape an ostrich." What? "Learn to juggle. Kittens." Sure, I get it. Still doesn't make it funny.
But at least when the author has a good joke, it really works. I will likely steal many of these in the very near future.
Want to read
December 17, 2011Yeah, yeah, yeah, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover...but parts of the title separated by a razor blade with a sunny face etching makes this a compelling addition to my books to-read list. Mario DiGiorgio is also an Austin, Texas resident and comedian who apparently gives similar advice to his audiences at Cap City Comedy, which makes this a must read. (Glad I did judge the cover.)
April 19, 2015
This is a manual on how to be an asshole.
April 26, 2015
i got this book in a humble bundle.
it was ok ... I dont mind the sarcasm but most of the time it was not cleaver, could save 5 that made me smile.
it was ok ... I dont mind the sarcasm but most of the time it was not cleaver, could save 5 that made me smile.
June 16, 2016
The only reason I finished reading this was because it was so short and I had nothing else to read. Meh.
November 15, 2016
Quite pointless
February 5, 2017
Funny and terrible book for very ugly people. Love it.
August 21, 2015
I'm sorry to be this negative, but the book is not funny.
June 8, 2016
The best part of this book was its title.
September 4, 2015
Was funny at many moments :) But some I did not understand. Probably cultural?
Read
August 7, 2017It began.
It continued.
It ended.
It continued.
It ended.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews