When Sex Hurts: A Woman's Guide to Banishing Sexual Pain

by Andrew T. Goldstein, Caroline Pukall, Irwin Goldstein

For the 20 million women who suffer from painful the first book to address the multiple causes and the available treatments. Painful sex is a condition that causes embarrassment and silence -- often going undiscussed or misdiagnosed; as many as 40 percent of women who suffer from it won't seek medical care. And most medical professionals are still in the dark when it comes to women's sexual pain. Now, three leading experts tackle the stereotypes, myths, and realities of sexual pain in this easy-to-understand, accessible guide that will help you get the help you need and deserve. Drs. Goldstein, Pukall, and Goldstein offer answers to your most pressing questions, as well Up-to-date information on the more than 20 causes of sexual pain How to choose the right doctor -- and how to interpret your doctor's lingo Valuable tips for understanding sexual pain, and what can be done about it How to rebuild sexual intimacy once the pain is gone Featuring groundbreaking research and stories from women who've also suffered -- and recovered -- When Sex Hurts provides all of the tools you need to stop hurting and start healing.

Genres: Sexuality, Relationships, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Adult, Health

274 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 11, 2011

Reviews

[Saffyre Falkenberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

I literally learned more about my condition in reading this book than I have from the 5+ doctors and therapists I have seen.

[Libby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Caveat: the description of endometriosis used in this book is inaccurate but I couldn’t bear to mark it down in the rating scale just because of that (and this is coming from someone who is militant about descriptions of endometriosis). This book is the most comprehensive, easy to read resource I have come across on pelvic pain. Forget the title - ‘When Sex Hurts’ should almost be renamed to ‘So your doctors blaming you and doesn’t know what to do about your pelvic pain? Show them this!’ An excellent excellent book.

I found this book particularly useful for the content on vulvodynia. I have found it really difficult to find resources on vulvodynia and this book highlighted a few causes of and treatments for vulvodynia that I had not seen before.

[Shara · Rating 4 out of 5]

My Review: 0 - No Rating

This is a rare rating so I need to clarify: "No Rating" doesn't mean it's a bad book. It means that it's just not the kind of book that I feel comfortable with REVIEWING. I want to talk about it, but I can't look at it critically. I do this if I know the author, or if the book is COMPLETELY outside of my regular reading wheelhouse, and let's face it: have you ever seen me review a book that's so obviously about womens' health? I thought not.

So this is what I'll say: I discovered Andrew Goldstein through The Dr Drew Podcast (you can download for free here), wherein Drew and Goldstein talk about birth control and some of its surprising but little-known side effects. Hearing about those side effects made me suddenly feel they were making this podcast for me personally, so when I learned that Goldstein has this book out, and that the book would talk about those specific issues (among other things, as indicated by the title), I decided I'd read this as a bit of homework before going to see my own personal physician about my own reactions to oral contraceptives (because it all makes SENSE now!).

Yes, that's deeply personal, but I'll say this: if you're a woman (or a doctor or gynecologist or someone in the field) and this title resonates with you at all? Read this book. If you're shy about doing so, listen to Goldstein's podcast with Dr. Drew first (just click here) and see if it speaks to you or not. The book is NOT a self-help book, but rather a book of guidance: it gives you the tools you need to talk to your own physician, and if that doesn't work, it gives you the tools you need to seek out one who can help.

So yeah. That's all that needs to be said about that.

[Laura May · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredibly worthy addition to the feminist reading list! I mean seriously, when I started reading this last night, I did *not* expect to read the entire thing in one sitting. I did not expect to learn so, SO much--and I say that as someone who had comprehensive sex ed. I also don't think my guy friends were expecting me to start tweeting them factoids, like how despite what is apparently an EXTREME incidence, people only started researching female sexual pain ~15 years ago. Or how a particular type of lichen/skin condition affects 1/70 women so that their vulva is eaten away to the point where it looks like "cigarette paper or wax paper", starts shredding, and grows over your clitoris. Or that 40-58% of women with IBS suffered sexual or physical abuse, and that IBS is associated with sexual violence in a way that other kinds of gastrointestinal problems are not. Or how FIFTEEN PERCENT of women have a condition whereby they have pelvic pain AT ALL TIMES. And 25% of those women have to spend at least two days a month in bed with the pain (and 99% have pain with sex). There are stories of women who feel like they are literally being *stabbed* should someone even touch the area surrounding their vagina, and it checks out; yet because there's so little research or knowledge of women's sexual health (because the only important thing about vaginas is babies, amirite), people seeking treatment would be told they were attention-seeking, or that they weren't attracted to their partner, or that it was all in their head. Absolutely crazy.

Not only is this book well-structured, written approachably, informative, and well-researched, but it's comprehensive. It covers everything from how you should document your symptoms, where to seek help, what to expect from different kinds of appointments, exact symptoms and treatments for a range of sexual disorders--whether it's the terrifying lichen above, sexual pain following childbirth, other types of trauma (apparently not associated with increased incidence of sexual pain by itself, which is fascinating), or just having pelvic muscles that do not know how to chill TF out.

This is absolutely essential reading, and not just for people with vaginas who suffer from sexual pain. Get on to it.

[Morori · Rating 5 out of 5]

*Warning of potential triggers/personal sexual talk*

I have always had issues with sex. I have vaginismus and some mental trauma around sex, attempted rape and actual. This book hit closer to home than I’d like to admit. It made me angry, happy, thankful, and many more emotions because it felt like FINALLY I found the help I needed.
It helped me understand what I could do to help myself and REALLY think about how I went about sex. Granted I’ve had one who had issues of his own, but took it out on me…to one that was the most understanding, compassionate, and willing to work with me. Now the person I’m with is beyond understanding and willing to help work through this, and is helping me to understand there’s more to a relationship than sex.
If you’ve ever felt alone or helpless…you aren’t! This book has helped me more than I can say and am thankful to have found it. It made me feel human again.

While this may seem like a rant to some I just have to say how much this book has helped me.

[Texx Norman · Rating 5 out of 5]

People don't talk much about vulvodynia. If you can' have sex because of horrible pain, or if you are with someone you love and intend to stay with, and she can't have sex, well, it is a big problem, and yet who do you talk to about this?

Most books about sexual problems assume you could have sex if you were nicer, or used the latest slickyglide lubricant. If you've gone to doctors that say, the pain of sex is in your head, or your just too dry, or you should have a date night, but you know good and well that your you-whooo is not working right, then you should read this book. It is possible you may never be able to have sex, but if you really want to try, this book gives you the answers. If you can't find what works to cure this problem, then this book gives you ideas for alternate ways of being sexual with one another without the intercourse. I liked the book very much.

[Outdoorgrrl · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a pretty intimate topic - one that's pretty embarrassing to write about. I don't want any women to suffer in silence, so I'm going to step out of my comfort zone to recommend this book to anyone who is suffering from painful sex.

I can't remember how I found this book, but I am eternally grateful that it came into my life. For years I'd been told that painful sex couldn't possibly be related to using hormonal birth control. This book helped me understand that it actually could be related to that and/or related to about eight other causes. It helped me figure out how to talk about the pain and how to find a doctor that would be able to help me. It isn't a definitive solution, but it helps you become a better partner with your physician to find the right solution to solve what's underlying your pain.

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

The tone of this book is a little dry. I expected more compassion.

[Tracy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had known about this book 2 years ago when I was in the midst of unexplained sexual pain! The combination of therapies described in this book are what helped me then, and reading it now I feel comforted in knowing a little more about when and why my pain started in the first place. My only criticism of this book is its heteronormativity and use of certain phrasing I found patronizing - however I understand a lot of the language is meant to make the book easily accessible to the majority, the public, to women who need an introduction to their bodies. This book is important and if you are thinking of reading it, I believe you must.

[Shay · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was too afraid to learn that my pain was normal and incurable, so I put off reading this book for as long as I could. I am so glad I finally read it. This book taught me that:
1. The pain is not "normal", it is a disease that needs to be treated like any other.
2. There is a way to treat this pain, even though most of the doctors I have seen so far dismissed it (either because they didn't know how to treat it, or because they didn't think anything was wrong).
This book encouraged me to turn to a specialist in my area and finally start healing.
If the title rings a bell, definitely give it a go.

[Melrose's · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such an informative book. A definitive must read. I learned so much about my own anatomy and its such a massive disservice and shame that this isn't taught in school so that young girls and women shouldn't disregard their symptoms because simply all women's ailment are just based on their periods and naturally they're painful but there's so much more going on. I'm so happy to know that there's experts and doctors fighting to bring enlightenment and aide for us.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book because of the worsening pelvic pain I’ve had since surgery. Though this book is mostly about pain with intercourse, many of the conditions discussed can cause pain at other times besides that which is true in my case . I am trying to learn as much as I can. This book has lots of information but makes it so an average person could still understand. The book gives lots of resources and questions for the person to ask their doctor.

[Elio 🧚🏼 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Incredible book!! I gave it a 4/5 because I wish it used more inclusive language (for example: people with vaginas instead of women, as we know not all women have vaginas). I hope that an updated edition with more inclusive language is published in the future, as I would love to recommend it to gender expansive clients within my therapy practice!

[Michelle Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

The topic of painful sex needs to be talked about way more openly and freely in the secular and Christian world. Don’t be afraid to speak up when you know something with your health is wrong. This book was very informative on so many conditions! It also really helps you feel less alone.

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

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[Danielle Fox · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thorough explanation of dyspareunia causes & stratified treatment. Not gospel (bias), but useful for patients & providers.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tremendously informative and worth every woman's time. Accessible and affirming of women's experiences during intercourse, this book provides language and terminology to speak with professionals about sexual discomfort and pain.

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

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