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Parenting for Social Change: Transform Childhood, Transform the World
Parenting for Social Change is a powerful parenting book that is not about children, but about the harmful cultural messages adults perpetuate in their relationships with children. In this compelling call for change, Teresa Graham Brett addresses the work parents must do to free themselves, the children who share their lives, and the world from these harmful messages. Using current research, she debunks the myth that controlling children is necessary to ensure that they grow into healthy and responsible adults. She also shares her own parenting journey away from controlling and dominating children and provides strategies for letting go of harmful control. Through her experiences as a social justice educator, she demonstrates how changing our parent-child relationships plays a critical role in creating social change.
- GenresParenting
158 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2011
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
July 20, 2021
I wanted to like this book I really did. And I like the message in it. But I also found it lacking. I don’t think it goes into enough detail for people and if this was the first book you read that tackles this subject I think you might be frustrated as there’s so little insight into HOW you might parent in a peaceful way and in connection with your children.
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October 10, 2012A beautiful book of the author's personal journey of discovery of the alternatives to what we normally call 'education'. Not as exhaustive and thorough as Robin Grille's 'Parenting for a Peaceful World', but for me its true value lies in its authenticity. She has lived, and still lives it.
October 21, 2018
It’s the perfect book for parents that find being a parent hard, and want to understand why it’s hard. Even if you’ll not find the perfect answer for your situation, this will probably show you the direction where to look.
December 16, 2013
Wow! I've read some other books about the "controlling" model of parenting (and even many of the so-called 'alternative' models such as "attachment parenting" can be practiced from and within the controlling/power-over paradigm), Teresa Brett manages to present a most accessible, well-reasoned and well-argued presentation of what some may call the "supportive" paradigm of parenting.
What is the "controlling" paradigm? Generally, children are seen as "less-than" adults and more like "adults-in-training," and the main form of "training" is through control, seen as a necessary (perhaps even the primary parenting tool, that includes punishment (physical and/or verbal), shaming, with-holding of affection or expressions of love, manipulation and "pushing" but is not limited to these practices. Brett, who has done much work in the field of social justice, lays her "platform" out clearly, bulleted as such:
* children are viewed as full human beings, valuable in their own right;
* the focus is on the present, with the goal being to honor children's humanity;
* transforming the parent-child relationship can create broader social change, thus the child-parent relationship is primary;
* the work we need to do is about ourselves as parents, not about changing children.
There's no denying such a parenting model brings up a lot of fear and resistance, but Brett shows not only the research that backs up such an approach (while also showing how control harms our children), she shows how it is unquestioned assumptions that need to be seen and de-constructed that are at the base of our fear!
After showing how control diminishes us -- and our children! -- Brett offers suggestions on how to move forward to a more humane, respectful and liberatory relationship to parenting and our children themselves as the full human beings they are. She writes:
"We often think of the words freedom and liberation in terms of big actions and social movements. Our goal as parents committed to liberation from power and control is to see freedom and liberation in our everyday actions and interactions. From those everyday actions, however, greater social change may one day grow."
We may read such a proclamation and see naive idealism. Yet, she points out that over the past 200 years in the US, we've seen how social change has come from changing how we view groups of people and acting from that new point of view. As the Dhammapada makes clear in its opening passages, our thoughts, assumptions, and cognitive biases determine the world we create and live in and the consequent suffering or happiness we experience. While one person can kill as many people as there are bullets in a gun, a twisted ideology can lead to a holocaust. While no one can say our society has eliminated discrimination (based upon race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, ability status, age etc) it has achieved some measure of positive change for the most marginalized and powerless.
Brett argues convincingly that if we can change our view of the most controlled group of our fellow citizens (our children) then perhaps we can finally get to the root source of discrimination and oppression! Let no one be deceived: the challenge and real difficulty of this project is that most of us (by a vast majority) grew up under a control-dominated model of parenting, so we have internalized what we believe to be the necessity of control. We can change the world by changing ourselves, creating an expectation about life and culture that affirms the dignity of all human beings where every child can grow into the internalized belief AND EXPERIENCE that each individual deserves respect.
I would be remiss if I didn't mention that in the past year I've come to have the honor and joy of meeting Teresa Brett who has agreed to work with my sangha here in Tucson on the issue of mindfulness and social justice. In fact, on January 4th, she and I will co-facilitiate a Day of Mindfulness called "Mindful Justice: Cultivating the Courage of Radical Compassion."
What is the "controlling" paradigm? Generally, children are seen as "less-than" adults and more like "adults-in-training," and the main form of "training" is through control, seen as a necessary (perhaps even the primary parenting tool, that includes punishment (physical and/or verbal), shaming, with-holding of affection or expressions of love, manipulation and "pushing" but is not limited to these practices. Brett, who has done much work in the field of social justice, lays her "platform" out clearly, bulleted as such:
* children are viewed as full human beings, valuable in their own right;
* the focus is on the present, with the goal being to honor children's humanity;
* transforming the parent-child relationship can create broader social change, thus the child-parent relationship is primary;
* the work we need to do is about ourselves as parents, not about changing children.
There's no denying such a parenting model brings up a lot of fear and resistance, but Brett shows not only the research that backs up such an approach (while also showing how control harms our children), she shows how it is unquestioned assumptions that need to be seen and de-constructed that are at the base of our fear!
After showing how control diminishes us -- and our children! -- Brett offers suggestions on how to move forward to a more humane, respectful and liberatory relationship to parenting and our children themselves as the full human beings they are. She writes:
"We often think of the words freedom and liberation in terms of big actions and social movements. Our goal as parents committed to liberation from power and control is to see freedom and liberation in our everyday actions and interactions. From those everyday actions, however, greater social change may one day grow."
We may read such a proclamation and see naive idealism. Yet, she points out that over the past 200 years in the US, we've seen how social change has come from changing how we view groups of people and acting from that new point of view. As the Dhammapada makes clear in its opening passages, our thoughts, assumptions, and cognitive biases determine the world we create and live in and the consequent suffering or happiness we experience. While one person can kill as many people as there are bullets in a gun, a twisted ideology can lead to a holocaust. While no one can say our society has eliminated discrimination (based upon race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, ability status, age etc) it has achieved some measure of positive change for the most marginalized and powerless.
Brett argues convincingly that if we can change our view of the most controlled group of our fellow citizens (our children) then perhaps we can finally get to the root source of discrimination and oppression! Let no one be deceived: the challenge and real difficulty of this project is that most of us (by a vast majority) grew up under a control-dominated model of parenting, so we have internalized what we believe to be the necessity of control. We can change the world by changing ourselves, creating an expectation about life and culture that affirms the dignity of all human beings where every child can grow into the internalized belief AND EXPERIENCE that each individual deserves respect.
I would be remiss if I didn't mention that in the past year I've come to have the honor and joy of meeting Teresa Brett who has agreed to work with my sangha here in Tucson on the issue of mindfulness and social justice. In fact, on January 4th, she and I will co-facilitiate a Day of Mindfulness called "Mindful Justice: Cultivating the Courage of Radical Compassion."
October 21, 2012
So far this is a very dissapointing book. While I thoroughly support the premise, I am finding the book to be mostly shallow and lacking of any significant depth. It reads more like a stream of consciousness without taking the time to develop any of the thoughts beyond a thought. This really could be a great addition to the parenting literature, but I am finding it lacking in any real and meaningful implications.
October 21, 2016
Read through twice to get myself to think more. This book is Improving my parenting and my relationship with my child. An essential book to read for jumping into unschooling. This woman is also a great speaker!
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews