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Being Nobody, Going Nowhere: The Foundation of Buddhist Thought: Volume 3
In this new edition of her classic best-selling book, Ayya Khema gives clear, practical instruction on meditation and techniques for overcoming counterproductive mental habits and beliefs. Through the simple practices detailed here, you will develop deeper insight, a sense of calm well-being, and a greater capacity to love and feel loved on a daily basis. Being Nobody also includes an eloquent, sparklingly lucid outline of the Buddhist path that can be understood and enjoyed by everybody
336 pages, Paperback
First published January 25, 1987
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 128 reviews
June 14, 2018
“Being Nobody, Going Nowhere” is based on a series of talks by Ayya Khema at a ten-day meditation course at Sri Lanka. A wonderful book, but I feel that the synopsis given is a little misleading. For Buddhists and non-Buddhists who have never meditated before and would like to learn how, please do not rely solely on this book as an instruction booklet on meditation techniques. While it does provide clear and simple instructions on meditation, the strength and beauty of this book lies more in Ayya Khema’s very simple, clear and digestible discourses on why meditation and the dharmma are so important in our life. The thirteen chapters in this book cover basic meditation techniques, the different types of meditation and the essentials of the Buddha’s path - from the four noble truths and noble eightfold path to Kamma and rebirth. There is even a detailed explanation of Karaniya Metta Sutta, which I was particularly happy about as I have been chanting it in Pali without knowing its full meaning and beauty.
I started reading this book while undergoing my weekly Basic Buddhism course (which included Dharma lessons and basic concentration meditation techniques). “Being Nobody, Going Nowhere” was a good supplement as it provided more in-depth knowledge to some concepts I had learned from the course. This book is definitely worth reading again and again.
In my opinion, “Being Nobody, Going Nowhere” is most useful to Buddhists who already have a basic understanding of the Dharma. However, for those who would like a basic introduction to Buddhism, this may not be an ideal book, but it will certainly inspire and convince you to practise meditation! [Meditation, by the way, is not easy to learn. In fact, my teacher’s instructions to “empty the mind, relax the body” was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life!! So…. to those who want to learn meditation, find a teacher. Please do not learn it from a book – you will find yourself really going nowhere!]
I started reading this book while undergoing my weekly Basic Buddhism course (which included Dharma lessons and basic concentration meditation techniques). “Being Nobody, Going Nowhere” was a good supplement as it provided more in-depth knowledge to some concepts I had learned from the course. This book is definitely worth reading again and again.
In my opinion, “Being Nobody, Going Nowhere” is most useful to Buddhists who already have a basic understanding of the Dharma. However, for those who would like a basic introduction to Buddhism, this may not be an ideal book, but it will certainly inspire and convince you to practise meditation! [Meditation, by the way, is not easy to learn. In fact, my teacher’s instructions to “empty the mind, relax the body” was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life!! So…. to those who want to learn meditation, find a teacher. Please do not learn it from a book – you will find yourself really going nowhere!]
February 24, 2017
A very practical and accessible book on the basics of Buddhist thought and the importance of meditation practice. Since the book is a collection of her talks given during a retreat, her teachings are focused on what to pay attention to during practice paired with the benefits of such practice to motivate everyone to stay present on and off the cushion. She begins with the reminder that meditation is how we rest our minds and develop the mental muscles to respond more wisely to whatever arises. Loved the chapter on the Four Friends of Loving-Kindness, Compassion, Sympathetic Joy, and Equanimity. Felt more loving and serene and more inspired to follow the practice after reading. She also does a very skillful job in distinguishing between near enemies such as contentment vs. complacency and patience vs. indifference. Her review of the Eightfold Path and the progression from Right View to Right Intention and how everything else builds upon those up to Right Concentration back to Right View again is very helpful. Bottom line, she stresses that every moment of our lives is an opportunity for us to practice and awaken to our full spiritual potential if we fully commit to paying attention and to examining our actions, thoughts, and emotions. A great primer on the basic tools and practices for compassionate and wise living.
April 17, 2020
3 1/2 stars.
While I disagree with some of Khema's blanket statements (all mothers love their children? I could give you a thousand examples that prove that idea very false) and there is a lot of supernatural woo-woo to shovel through (psychic powers and guardian angels, to name a few), the core message of practicing non-attachment, meditation, and loving kindness are solid and inspiring.
While I disagree with some of Khema's blanket statements (all mothers love their children? I could give you a thousand examples that prove that idea very false) and there is a lot of supernatural woo-woo to shovel through (psychic powers and guardian angels, to name a few), the core message of practicing non-attachment, meditation, and loving kindness are solid and inspiring.
March 3, 2011
Very simple. Very practical. Truly one of the best books on Buddhist philosophy. Very simple to follow. Very measurable progress from within. Very easy read. Started reading it hesitantly. Never really finished many good books on religion or philosophy. This book is different. Keeps the pages turning. While she tries to present a complicated subject in as simple a format as possible, somewhere near the last last half of the book the reader can still feel a tad lost. Best to start re reading it after say a few weeks and it shines a lot brighter and is as interesting on the second read.
November 30, 2018
Đây là một tuyệt tác viết về Thiền quán của Ni sư người Đức Ayya Khema.Rất ít cuốn sách cơ bản về Phật giáo có thể bao chứa cả hai tiêu chí giản dị và sâu sắc. Cách tiếp cận của tác phẩm đơn giản, gần gũi, dễ đọc, dễ hiểu. Đây là cuốn sách tuyệt vời cho tất cả mọi người.Vô ngã vô ưu dạy chúng ta cái Thiền trong Phật giáo, hướng dẫn chúng ta cách chuyển buồn phiền, tức giận… thành sự an lạc trong tâm hồn.”
March 24, 2016
I found this to be a very readable and easily understood guide to meditation and Buddhism. Ayya Khema's tone is stern and no-nonsense, but at the same time wise and kind. Contains the clearest explanation of kamma in Buddhism that I have yet read.
This will be a book I return to time and again I think.
This will be a book I return to time and again I think.
December 16, 2013
This book completely changed my life. It is the most influential Buddhism book I have read, thoroughly covering the entire practice including the Four Noble Truths, The Noble eightfold Path, The way things exist, meditation etc. It should be required reading for everyone, it is that good! I love Ayya Khema!! Just wish I could afford to get her other books. My Dad gave me the copy I own and I have shared it with many people despite it's being incredibly important to me. I just cannot keep it all to myself. Thanks Dad!! <3
February 27, 2017
I will keep reading and re-reading this book for the rest of my life. It is a form of meditation in itself. The thoughts, the wisdom, the ideas flow and a calmness descends. This book was given to me by my Mum who died nearly twenty years ago. I love her for giving me this book and I love this book for existing in my life. And, like my Mum's love, this book will always live and breathe in me. Thank you, Ayya Khema. Thank you.
July 21, 2015
To be fair, the four star rating may be more of a reflection of my state of mind than the quality of the book. I don't feel I am ready for what it had to say, but I can certainly accept the beauty of much of the message. Perhaps this is a five star book I desperately tried to filter through my four star brain.
April 23, 2025
Some positively unsettling reminders of no-self towards the start, which were helpful, but this gets all too dull towards the end. Maybe I wasn't in the right mood for this - there is too much that is beautifully chaotic in me right now to appreciate the Apollonian niceties of Western Buddhism.
January 13, 2026
Simple. Straightforward. Satisfying.
September 22, 2024
Practical concise and punchy. There's some sprinkling of spiritual woo in there but it doesn't detract from the core of non attachment. Very quick and easy read.
August 15, 2014
The path of practice isn't easy. Ayya Khemma writes in this book her sense and personal experience with important aspects of Buddhist teaching; 4 Noble Truths, 4 Friends, 5 Aggregates etc and explores the experience of meditation in the Buddhist context. She writes with tremendous depth of understanding that derives from her decades as a Buddhist nun and with clarity and insight that helps the western practitioner come to terms with what are concepts foreign to our own traditions. It certainly helped me at a critical stage in my own practice, just entering the weird world that starts to come into view once the split between ego and the observer takes place. It was to me a very gentle way of understanding the things that were happening to me and of gaining a sense of direction and reassurance that all was well. I am not what I think and that's wonderful!
December 6, 2016
Song hành cùng BTĐTLA, cuốn sách như bổ trợ và dẫn lối ta đến Tâm thức một cách dễ hơn, những khái niệm, những dẫn chứng, những rào cản và cả một kho tàng rộng lớn ẩn dật đằng sau lớp da thịt. Đơn giản là cuộc sống bắt ta nghĩ ngợi quá nhiều, cuốn sách như một liều thuốc trấn an và giúp ta điềm tĩnh hơn, nhìn mọi thứ bằng cái nhìn đa chiều hơn.
May 12, 2012
Wow, This wonderful, german-born Buddhist nun, explains with utter simplicity, the reason for, the why, and the how of mindfulness and Meditation. Going Nowhere, Being Nobody, sounds kind of drab...but it is anything but. It is the reason we choose the spiritual Path.
November 4, 2019
One of the best Buddhist based books I've ever read. Perfect for the western reader or maybe not so perfect as western readers don't usually desire to be nobody and on the road to nowhere as well! :)
November 12, 2023
Very to the point. She gets right to the root of things and uses clear language to explain. Very good take on the teachings.
September 12, 2023
I've begun by listing the different chapters and some of the bits I found interesting / useful and then a more general review at the end
1. The why and how of meditation
Why?
Just like we take care of our body every day by brushing our teeth and having a shower etc., when we meditate we are taking care of our minds. Our minds are the gateway to happiness and suffering. Given how much time we spend taking care of the rest of our bodies, a little bit of time taken each day taking care of our minds can be a wise investment.
How?
The version of meditation discussed here is mindfulness of breathing.
Found this section particularly useful. It discusses how meditation can be a metaphor for life. When we sit and we experience discomfort during meditation, can we learn to sit through that discomfort and come back to the breath? We could move to try and remove the discomfort, but then we simply soon experience discomfort in a different physical position.
Sometimes in life we can try and change some of the external aspects of our life 'position', like looking to avoid situations we don't like or have things we think will make us happy. When we seek to avoid one situation, we quickly find another unsatisfactory situation arises. When we get the thing we think we believe will make us happy, we then want another thing. Another approach is to be where we are and learn to change our mental focus. We can see how aversion (seeking to avoid things) and grasping or attachment lead to dukkah (or feelings of unsatisfactoriness) and learn to change ourselves rather than external circumstances.
Also in this section there are some wonderful sections discussing the idea that we are not our body or our minds. The book asks why we call our thoughts 'ours' when we never asked them to arise or invited them!
2. How meditation affects the rest of our lives
Meditation allows us to 'tidy up' our lives. If we are 50 years old our minds are like rooms we have not been actively tidying up for 50 years. They become overrun with junk and rubbish. Meditation can bit by bit clean up our minds.
We can come to learn to observe our emotions and let them be in daily life.
We can come to have a deeper knowing of core Buddhist ideas such as 'impermanence', rather than this being just an intellectual idea.
3. Calm & Insight
Meditation can lead to calming the mind and nice feelings such as calmness.
Most people make this the focus of their meditation.
This is not the 'ultimate goal' of meditation, which is 'insight', which means seeing things as they really are. For example, when another person said something and I experienced feelings of anger in my chest the other day, the meditation allowed me to see how this feeling was not 'me' and was something that arose because of the way my mind was operating (i.e. attachment to the idea that other people 'should' be the way I think they 'should' be).
Emotions and feelings create 'grooves'. We have certain habitual ways of thinking and feeling and we tend to do them by force of habit. Meditating and changing the way we think can create new 'grooves'.
4. Four friends
- Lovingkindness
The highest level of loving kindness is feeling the kind of compassion a mother might feel for her only child for all other beings. This is the kind of loving kindness that would includes acts such as giving up our lives to save a stranger. This is the 'ultimate' level of lovingkindness. This is not going to be something that most people are going to experience any time soon but it is enough simply to do what we can now. Example: a simple act of loving kindness for a family or friend today is a step in the direction of developing lovingkindness.
- Compassion
We all suffer. We can reflect on this and cultivate compassion for all other beings.
- Sympathetic Joy
This is joy in cultivated in the presence of others.
- Equanimity
This is the 'crowning' emotional state and sees us even and untroubled in the face of different circumstance and events.
5. Loving-Kindness Meditation
Quick 3 minute chapter describing a loving-kindness meditation with love begining with those closest to us and expanding out (meta meditation).
6. Five Hinderances
- Sensual desire
Discusses the '32 parts of the body' (spleen, teeth etc.).
Ideas include we are not any of the individual or collective body parts. We are not our teeth and if we lose a tooth we don't lose our 'selves'.
Any time a desire from a body part is satisfied (e.g. we scratch an itch), it is soon enough replaced by another one. As such, the book says this path leads to dukkah, and in fact that our bodies are 'suffering'.
- Ill will
Anger or ill will are compared to poison. The 'antidote' is loving kindness.
- Sloth and torpor
We need energy and motivation to meditate, sloth and torpor (laziness) will get in the way. When we understand how fascinated meditation is we can bring energy to the activity because we have an opportunity to view the mind directly.
- Restlessness and worry
Any kind of worry about something that may or may not happen in the future is foolishness. The future is unknown and so much of the future depends on things we cannot control.
Worry is different to planning, which can be helpful.
- Skeptical doubt
The antidote to skeptical doubt is to experience things directly, in which case there is no need to doubt anything because we know it from our direct experience.
There is a balance between some degree of healthy 'doubt' in the sense that we don't take things to be true simply because they were supposedly said by a wise or esteemed person, and at the same time there needs to sufficient curiosity or interested in ideas like Buddhism to be sufficently motivated to even try or explore them.
7. Kamma (or 'Karma') and rebirth
There are some interesting ideas in this chapter to do with past lives, us being the owners of our Kamma etc. Taken to their conclusion they say that everything that happens to you happens to you because of the kamma you have created.
Whatever you believe around this stuff, the book does make the point that the most important time (and in fact the only time we ever have) is right now so we are best to focus more on this and less on kamma.
8. The discourse on lovingkindness
This chapter goes through and dissects the Buddah's discourse on lovingkindness word for word.
9. Four kinds of happiness
- The Happiness of the Sense Contacts
- Deva Happiness
- The Happiness of Concentration
- The Happiness of Insight
There is an idea of worldly happiness is a myth, because of the reality of dukkah, the book states.
This section talks about the idea that there are different types of happiness.
The happiness of the sense contact can be OK when just taken for what they are and don't get attached to them, but this is hard to do.
'Deva happiness' is when the emotions of equanimity, compassion, joy and equanimity have been cultivated. The external world cannot affect happiness. Even when all four have been cultivated this is not 'insight', but is a step in that direction.
10. Ten virtues
-Generosity
-Moral conduct
-Renunciation
-Wisdom
-Energy
-Patience
-Truth
-Determination
-Lovingkidness and
- equanimity
Goes through each of these in detail.
11. The five aggregates of clinging
The 'five grapsed at groups are suffering'. The 'grasped at body', 'the grasped at feelings' etc. These are impermanent, so grasping at, or clinging to them, will lead to suffering.
- The body
- Feeling
- Perceptions
- Mental formations
- Sense concentration
Seemed to be some repetition of previous points and is around clinging to impermanent aspects of the way we interact with the world (eg senses, perceptions, body etc.) will lead to Dukkah.
12. The four noble truths and the Nobel Eightfold Path
Runs through the noble truths and the eightfold path.
13. A new beginning
Idea is that when we emerge from a deep meditative practice such as a 10 day retreat, we emerge and experience the world in different ways because we have changed.
---
Overall, I found this to be a very worthwhile and useful book.
Some of the best bits were the early chapters on meditation and ideas arond anatta ('no self').
Top 3 favourite ideas were
1. When we become angry at other people, this has nothing to do with other people and everything to do with us. We can see them as our teacher.
2. Any type of worry is absolutely useless and foolish. Worry is different to planning. Worry is useful because it is about the future, which is unknown and which arises as a result of so many factors, many of which we have no control over. E.g. we worry about a work meeting tomorrow, but the meeting may end up not going ahead (could be cancelled for a multitude of reasons) or when it doesn go ahead other people may act in ways completely different to that which we anticipate (e.g. we expect people will be against an idea but they are in fact for it). Plan for the future but ensure you enjoy the present moment and do not worry.
3. When thoughts arise they are not 'ours'. We did not ask for them.
Some of the less awesome bits
- Felt a bit repetitious toward the end. Generally got less and less out of it the longer the book went for, which is reflected by the amount of notes I took re each chapter per the above summary.
- Has a very 'preachy' tone. The certainty with which everything is shared is part of what makes it an interesting listen. With that said, there doesn't appear to be any acknowledgment of the vaguries of knowing exactly what the Buddah said and the fact that this book is one interpretation amongst many.
To have a book with so many life changing insights is a rare find and as such, not withstanding the 'less awesome' bits above, this is a 5 star one!
Quick update from September 2023:
Just listened to this book for a 2nd time and again foujnd it to be super useful and helpful.
One observation is that the book talks about the teaching the Buddah was supposed to have given (how can we really know exactly what was said 2,500 years ago?) in which he essential is quoted as saying not to believe anything just because a particular 'guru' or 'teacher' says it. I think this is a nice part of the book because at times the tone of the book does come across as a 'thou shalt ...' when in fact all the advice given is best seen as suggestions that we can road test for ourselves with reality.
For example, the book talks about the idea that the only thing really worth talking about is the Dharma. Whether or not we want to take this suggestion on board is a function of our perspective. If our sole focus is around enlightenment and we believe the Dharma to be the way there then this might make sense. What of fun? There is no humour or fun in the book whatsoever! What of art or fine wine or just kicking around with those we love most? I don't see too many of enlightened beings cruising about. If we have interests that expand beyond that goal then there's lots of other stuff to talk about and think about that make life interesting and fun and can spark joy :-)
Related point is that she makes some very black and white statements without qualification. Example - "there is nothing to achieve". OK so should we not seek to 'achieve' anything around global warming, equality, achieving goals in our own life? I appreciate that 'grasping' at any particular thing we seek to 'achieve' can lead to suffering but these very black and white statements are in my mind, a bit too much.
Overall again and absolutely brilliant book and even if there are some aspects that people do not entirely agree with this is highly recommended! :-)
1. The why and how of meditation
Why?
Just like we take care of our body every day by brushing our teeth and having a shower etc., when we meditate we are taking care of our minds. Our minds are the gateway to happiness and suffering. Given how much time we spend taking care of the rest of our bodies, a little bit of time taken each day taking care of our minds can be a wise investment.
How?
The version of meditation discussed here is mindfulness of breathing.
Found this section particularly useful. It discusses how meditation can be a metaphor for life. When we sit and we experience discomfort during meditation, can we learn to sit through that discomfort and come back to the breath? We could move to try and remove the discomfort, but then we simply soon experience discomfort in a different physical position.
Sometimes in life we can try and change some of the external aspects of our life 'position', like looking to avoid situations we don't like or have things we think will make us happy. When we seek to avoid one situation, we quickly find another unsatisfactory situation arises. When we get the thing we think we believe will make us happy, we then want another thing. Another approach is to be where we are and learn to change our mental focus. We can see how aversion (seeking to avoid things) and grasping or attachment lead to dukkah (or feelings of unsatisfactoriness) and learn to change ourselves rather than external circumstances.
Also in this section there are some wonderful sections discussing the idea that we are not our body or our minds. The book asks why we call our thoughts 'ours' when we never asked them to arise or invited them!
2. How meditation affects the rest of our lives
Meditation allows us to 'tidy up' our lives. If we are 50 years old our minds are like rooms we have not been actively tidying up for 50 years. They become overrun with junk and rubbish. Meditation can bit by bit clean up our minds.
We can come to learn to observe our emotions and let them be in daily life.
We can come to have a deeper knowing of core Buddhist ideas such as 'impermanence', rather than this being just an intellectual idea.
3. Calm & Insight
Meditation can lead to calming the mind and nice feelings such as calmness.
Most people make this the focus of their meditation.
This is not the 'ultimate goal' of meditation, which is 'insight', which means seeing things as they really are. For example, when another person said something and I experienced feelings of anger in my chest the other day, the meditation allowed me to see how this feeling was not 'me' and was something that arose because of the way my mind was operating (i.e. attachment to the idea that other people 'should' be the way I think they 'should' be).
Emotions and feelings create 'grooves'. We have certain habitual ways of thinking and feeling and we tend to do them by force of habit. Meditating and changing the way we think can create new 'grooves'.
4. Four friends
- Lovingkindness
The highest level of loving kindness is feeling the kind of compassion a mother might feel for her only child for all other beings. This is the kind of loving kindness that would includes acts such as giving up our lives to save a stranger. This is the 'ultimate' level of lovingkindness. This is not going to be something that most people are going to experience any time soon but it is enough simply to do what we can now. Example: a simple act of loving kindness for a family or friend today is a step in the direction of developing lovingkindness.
- Compassion
We all suffer. We can reflect on this and cultivate compassion for all other beings.
- Sympathetic Joy
This is joy in cultivated in the presence of others.
- Equanimity
This is the 'crowning' emotional state and sees us even and untroubled in the face of different circumstance and events.
5. Loving-Kindness Meditation
Quick 3 minute chapter describing a loving-kindness meditation with love begining with those closest to us and expanding out (meta meditation).
6. Five Hinderances
- Sensual desire
Discusses the '32 parts of the body' (spleen, teeth etc.).
Ideas include we are not any of the individual or collective body parts. We are not our teeth and if we lose a tooth we don't lose our 'selves'.
Any time a desire from a body part is satisfied (e.g. we scratch an itch), it is soon enough replaced by another one. As such, the book says this path leads to dukkah, and in fact that our bodies are 'suffering'.
- Ill will
Anger or ill will are compared to poison. The 'antidote' is loving kindness.
- Sloth and torpor
We need energy and motivation to meditate, sloth and torpor (laziness) will get in the way. When we understand how fascinated meditation is we can bring energy to the activity because we have an opportunity to view the mind directly.
- Restlessness and worry
Any kind of worry about something that may or may not happen in the future is foolishness. The future is unknown and so much of the future depends on things we cannot control.
Worry is different to planning, which can be helpful.
- Skeptical doubt
The antidote to skeptical doubt is to experience things directly, in which case there is no need to doubt anything because we know it from our direct experience.
There is a balance between some degree of healthy 'doubt' in the sense that we don't take things to be true simply because they were supposedly said by a wise or esteemed person, and at the same time there needs to sufficient curiosity or interested in ideas like Buddhism to be sufficently motivated to even try or explore them.
7. Kamma (or 'Karma') and rebirth
There are some interesting ideas in this chapter to do with past lives, us being the owners of our Kamma etc. Taken to their conclusion they say that everything that happens to you happens to you because of the kamma you have created.
Whatever you believe around this stuff, the book does make the point that the most important time (and in fact the only time we ever have) is right now so we are best to focus more on this and less on kamma.
8. The discourse on lovingkindness
This chapter goes through and dissects the Buddah's discourse on lovingkindness word for word.
9. Four kinds of happiness
- The Happiness of the Sense Contacts
- Deva Happiness
- The Happiness of Concentration
- The Happiness of Insight
There is an idea of worldly happiness is a myth, because of the reality of dukkah, the book states.
This section talks about the idea that there are different types of happiness.
The happiness of the sense contact can be OK when just taken for what they are and don't get attached to them, but this is hard to do.
'Deva happiness' is when the emotions of equanimity, compassion, joy and equanimity have been cultivated. The external world cannot affect happiness. Even when all four have been cultivated this is not 'insight', but is a step in that direction.
10. Ten virtues
-Generosity
-Moral conduct
-Renunciation
-Wisdom
-Energy
-Patience
-Truth
-Determination
-Lovingkidness and
- equanimity
Goes through each of these in detail.
11. The five aggregates of clinging
The 'five grapsed at groups are suffering'. The 'grasped at body', 'the grasped at feelings' etc. These are impermanent, so grasping at, or clinging to them, will lead to suffering.
- The body
- Feeling
- Perceptions
- Mental formations
- Sense concentration
Seemed to be some repetition of previous points and is around clinging to impermanent aspects of the way we interact with the world (eg senses, perceptions, body etc.) will lead to Dukkah.
12. The four noble truths and the Nobel Eightfold Path
Runs through the noble truths and the eightfold path.
13. A new beginning
Idea is that when we emerge from a deep meditative practice such as a 10 day retreat, we emerge and experience the world in different ways because we have changed.
---
Overall, I found this to be a very worthwhile and useful book.
Some of the best bits were the early chapters on meditation and ideas arond anatta ('no self').
Top 3 favourite ideas were
1. When we become angry at other people, this has nothing to do with other people and everything to do with us. We can see them as our teacher.
2. Any type of worry is absolutely useless and foolish. Worry is different to planning. Worry is useful because it is about the future, which is unknown and which arises as a result of so many factors, many of which we have no control over. E.g. we worry about a work meeting tomorrow, but the meeting may end up not going ahead (could be cancelled for a multitude of reasons) or when it doesn go ahead other people may act in ways completely different to that which we anticipate (e.g. we expect people will be against an idea but they are in fact for it). Plan for the future but ensure you enjoy the present moment and do not worry.
3. When thoughts arise they are not 'ours'. We did not ask for them.
Some of the less awesome bits
- Felt a bit repetitious toward the end. Generally got less and less out of it the longer the book went for, which is reflected by the amount of notes I took re each chapter per the above summary.
- Has a very 'preachy' tone. The certainty with which everything is shared is part of what makes it an interesting listen. With that said, there doesn't appear to be any acknowledgment of the vaguries of knowing exactly what the Buddah said and the fact that this book is one interpretation amongst many.
To have a book with so many life changing insights is a rare find and as such, not withstanding the 'less awesome' bits above, this is a 5 star one!
Quick update from September 2023:
Just listened to this book for a 2nd time and again foujnd it to be super useful and helpful.
One observation is that the book talks about the teaching the Buddah was supposed to have given (how can we really know exactly what was said 2,500 years ago?) in which he essential is quoted as saying not to believe anything just because a particular 'guru' or 'teacher' says it. I think this is a nice part of the book because at times the tone of the book does come across as a 'thou shalt ...' when in fact all the advice given is best seen as suggestions that we can road test for ourselves with reality.
For example, the book talks about the idea that the only thing really worth talking about is the Dharma. Whether or not we want to take this suggestion on board is a function of our perspective. If our sole focus is around enlightenment and we believe the Dharma to be the way there then this might make sense. What of fun? There is no humour or fun in the book whatsoever! What of art or fine wine or just kicking around with those we love most? I don't see too many of enlightened beings cruising about. If we have interests that expand beyond that goal then there's lots of other stuff to talk about and think about that make life interesting and fun and can spark joy :-)
Related point is that she makes some very black and white statements without qualification. Example - "there is nothing to achieve". OK so should we not seek to 'achieve' anything around global warming, equality, achieving goals in our own life? I appreciate that 'grasping' at any particular thing we seek to 'achieve' can lead to suffering but these very black and white statements are in my mind, a bit too much.
Overall again and absolutely brilliant book and even if there are some aspects that people do not entirely agree with this is highly recommended! :-)
September 1, 2022
Being Nobody, Going Nowhere Meditations on the Buddhist Path by Ayya Khema
The book required concentration and could not be read like one reads a novel. A few points struck me and have listed them out. This is more like a summary than a review.
The Buddha said there is only one cause, one reason we experience suffering, and that’s craving. We have three cravings and all others are connected with them. These three are craving for existence, craving for self-annihilation, and craving for sensual gratification. Control of the cravings helps in dealing with suffering.
The first and second noble truths show us that we are living a life of futility.
Most people look for a solution out somewhere. Instead, we should look inside, and that will eventually lead to the third noble truth, the cessation of suffering, which is liberation. The Buddha never really explained what liberation is. He did say what it is not.
He explained this with a story of a turtle and fish.
The Eightfold path
1. Right view
The right view also means having an understanding of kamma, namely taking full responsibility for what happens to oneself, not blaming others, circumstances, or anything outside oneself.
There are two right views: the understanding of kamma and of the need to effect a change in oneself in order to get out of suffering. Five ways of dealing with suffering is listed with the fifth being the most appropriate path.
The anecdote of brahmins hurling abuses at Buddha and his reply is a good story to remember. The learning from this: Any abuse, anger, or threat belongs to the one who is uttering it. We don’t have to accept it.
2. Right intention
There are three aspects to right intention: renunciation, loving-kindness, and harmlessness. An interesting aspect of intentions is that they are like icebergs: one-third out of the water, two-thirds under water. We can only see their tips.
3. Right speech, right action, and right livelihood follow attention.
Right speech and action will be practised with the right intention. Right livelihood entails not indulging in killing, lying, drinking intoxicants, and taking what is not one’s own.
6. Right effort
With energy, effort arises. The Buddha recommended the four supreme efforts.
These are extremely difficult to practice. - Not to let an unwholesome thought arise, if it arises do not let it continue. Let a wholesome thought arise and let it continue.
7. Right mindfulness
Right mindfulness means that one is aware and attentive all the time.
The four foundations of mindfulness are mindfulness of the body, mindfulness of feeling, mindfulness of thought and mindfulness of mind.
Whenever we speak without purpose, mindfulness and clear comprehension are abandoned. So speak purposefully.
8. Right concentration
Right concentration stands at the end because it needs all the other factors in order to function and constitutes the means for achieving penetrating insight.
A book one should read to be mindful and gain inner peace.
The book required concentration and could not be read like one reads a novel. A few points struck me and have listed them out. This is more like a summary than a review.
The Buddha said there is only one cause, one reason we experience suffering, and that’s craving. We have three cravings and all others are connected with them. These three are craving for existence, craving for self-annihilation, and craving for sensual gratification. Control of the cravings helps in dealing with suffering.
The first and second noble truths show us that we are living a life of futility.
Most people look for a solution out somewhere. Instead, we should look inside, and that will eventually lead to the third noble truth, the cessation of suffering, which is liberation. The Buddha never really explained what liberation is. He did say what it is not.
He explained this with a story of a turtle and fish.
The Eightfold path
1. Right view
The right view also means having an understanding of kamma, namely taking full responsibility for what happens to oneself, not blaming others, circumstances, or anything outside oneself.
There are two right views: the understanding of kamma and of the need to effect a change in oneself in order to get out of suffering. Five ways of dealing with suffering is listed with the fifth being the most appropriate path.
The anecdote of brahmins hurling abuses at Buddha and his reply is a good story to remember. The learning from this: Any abuse, anger, or threat belongs to the one who is uttering it. We don’t have to accept it.
2. Right intention
There are three aspects to right intention: renunciation, loving-kindness, and harmlessness. An interesting aspect of intentions is that they are like icebergs: one-third out of the water, two-thirds under water. We can only see their tips.
3. Right speech, right action, and right livelihood follow attention.
Right speech and action will be practised with the right intention. Right livelihood entails not indulging in killing, lying, drinking intoxicants, and taking what is not one’s own.
6. Right effort
With energy, effort arises. The Buddha recommended the four supreme efforts.
These are extremely difficult to practice. - Not to let an unwholesome thought arise, if it arises do not let it continue. Let a wholesome thought arise and let it continue.
7. Right mindfulness
Right mindfulness means that one is aware and attentive all the time.
The four foundations of mindfulness are mindfulness of the body, mindfulness of feeling, mindfulness of thought and mindfulness of mind.
Whenever we speak without purpose, mindfulness and clear comprehension are abandoned. So speak purposefully.
8. Right concentration
Right concentration stands at the end because it needs all the other factors in order to function and constitutes the means for achieving penetrating insight.
A book one should read to be mindful and gain inner peace.
July 29, 2020
Ayya Khema was a Buddhist nun of the Theravedan tradition, she lived much of her later years in Sri Lanka. I've read quite a few books on Buddhism, but this is one of the best. I think the text is taken from reflections she gave during retreats and then transcribed, rather than her writing everything down. She is addressing retreatants that are with her on a 10 day retreat.
What I really like about the book is that although Khema spends a good deal of time talking about meditation, the book is really a summary of essential Buddhist concepts and teachings. Thus, it is a really good introduction to Buddhism and may serve as a primer for anyone exploring Buddhism. I liked the direct way she teaches, and how she lays things out in logical order. Her focus on meditation, and particularly on how we cannot trust our mind and thoughts, was really useful for me anyway. Our mind plays tricks on us, and convinces us that things are more important than they actually are in reality. Short of saying nothing really matters, it is a recognition that most, if not all, our own suffering is caused by our own thoughts and reactions to the world. This rings true.
She explains how Buddhism works in a way that is easily understandable and defines terms such as karma, dharma, samsara etc. and how they work together. The sections on the four noble truths and the eightfold path are among the clearest I've ever read. Her focus is on developing a regular practice, and just doing it. Khema makes note of typical obstacles for all of us, but holds out hope that if you are persistent with your practice, you will train your mind to be mindful at all times. However, mindfulness cannot be achieved apart from meditation. Meditation is absolutely required to reach a higher level of mindfulness and to even have any hope of reaching enlightenment or nibbana.
I found the book very helpful. It was also not as dry as some others I've read, it is a relatively engaging book. There is truth here, and a lot we can all relate to in our own journeys.
What I really like about the book is that although Khema spends a good deal of time talking about meditation, the book is really a summary of essential Buddhist concepts and teachings. Thus, it is a really good introduction to Buddhism and may serve as a primer for anyone exploring Buddhism. I liked the direct way she teaches, and how she lays things out in logical order. Her focus on meditation, and particularly on how we cannot trust our mind and thoughts, was really useful for me anyway. Our mind plays tricks on us, and convinces us that things are more important than they actually are in reality. Short of saying nothing really matters, it is a recognition that most, if not all, our own suffering is caused by our own thoughts and reactions to the world. This rings true.
She explains how Buddhism works in a way that is easily understandable and defines terms such as karma, dharma, samsara etc. and how they work together. The sections on the four noble truths and the eightfold path are among the clearest I've ever read. Her focus is on developing a regular practice, and just doing it. Khema makes note of typical obstacles for all of us, but holds out hope that if you are persistent with your practice, you will train your mind to be mindful at all times. However, mindfulness cannot be achieved apart from meditation. Meditation is absolutely required to reach a higher level of mindfulness and to even have any hope of reaching enlightenment or nibbana.
I found the book very helpful. It was also not as dry as some others I've read, it is a relatively engaging book. There is truth here, and a lot we can all relate to in our own journeys.
July 2, 2025
Being Nobody, Going Nowhere has a deceptively simple tone, but Ayya Khema dives into some deep Buddhist teachings—especially about the nature of the self, mindfulness, and renunciation. It can feel a bit abstract if you’re still grounding yourself in the basics. You'll probably need to slow all the way down to fully grasp and process everything, or may need to revisit a couple times as I did. Personally, I needed a little help from ChatGPT as I went along.
My personal big takeaways:
Although not particularly ADHD- or beginner-friendly, the book offers strong content. I really appreciate how the sections are broken down and organized—it helps make some of the Buddhist framework more accessible, which I found compelling. I didn't know what I was getting into with this book, but it's actually really enlightening, once finished, it's still worth revisiting.
My personal big takeaways:
Although not particularly ADHD- or beginner-friendly, the book offers strong content. I really appreciate how the sections are broken down and organized—it helps make some of the Buddhist framework more accessible, which I found compelling. I didn't know what I was getting into with this book, but it's actually really enlightening, once finished, it's still worth revisiting.
May 9, 2019
I am rating this book for what it is, and assuming that no one who isn't interested in meditation or hasn't sat a course would pick it up to read it. It is a very good summary of things that you learn on a course and providing good examples for understanding.
I find it difficult to decide if I would recommend this book before or after sitting your first course. On the one hand, having some understanding going into a course may be helpful- but I also feel it could be perilously distracting, and you have expectations and wants that you hope to get out of the course instead of just being, and being curious about what arises during the course. There is also the risk that without experiencing much of the phenomena discussed personally through a course that someone would just think that the concepts/discussions are confusing/enigmatic/crazy which certainly wouldn't encourage someone to take a course.
On the other hand, if you have already sat course, and are experienced in the path discussed you will likely know most of this already. Perhaps this just gives you a deeper understanding? I also suppose that reminders are always helpful.
I'll just mention that I don't personally ascribe very much to some of the concepts, but the rest I have found to be very true and applicable in my own personal experience.
I find it difficult to decide if I would recommend this book before or after sitting your first course. On the one hand, having some understanding going into a course may be helpful- but I also feel it could be perilously distracting, and you have expectations and wants that you hope to get out of the course instead of just being, and being curious about what arises during the course. There is also the risk that without experiencing much of the phenomena discussed personally through a course that someone would just think that the concepts/discussions are confusing/enigmatic/crazy which certainly wouldn't encourage someone to take a course.
On the other hand, if you have already sat course, and are experienced in the path discussed you will likely know most of this already. Perhaps this just gives you a deeper understanding? I also suppose that reminders are always helpful.
I'll just mention that I don't personally ascribe very much to some of the concepts, but the rest I have found to be very true and applicable in my own personal experience.
July 30, 2018
This is a very upbeat and encouraging book into the practice of Buddhism. The author very adeptly addresses the importance of meditation and discusses The Four Noble Truths, the nature of The Eightfold Path, Karma and other components of the Buddhist Path. The author gives practical advice how the Buddhist Path can improve one's life and that "liberation" can only be achieved by one's individual effort. Furthermore, unlike most books on Buddhism, the author clarifies the spiritual aspects of Buddhism in terms of what "Liberation" and "Non-Self" are not. The author gives and example by citing a story of a fish and turtle who were friends and who lived in the same lake for some time. One day the turtle decided to visit the land surrounding the lake. When the turtle returned, it told the fish that the land was wonderful and beautiful. The fish asked whether the land was transparent, cool, rippling, shiny, good for gliding, buoyant and wet. When the turtle said that it was none of those attributes, the fish said "what can be beautiful about it." This story illustrates the difficulty in explaining "Liberation" to someone who has not had that experience in that there are no common guide posts of understanding. I would highly recommend this book.
October 6, 2017
The subtitle of this wonder of a book is Meditations on the Buddhist Path, an amazingly apt description.
Ayya Khema (Ilse Kussel) was German born Theravada Buddhist nun, who, I’m pretty sure, never gladly suffered fools. Accounts from former students of her corroborate that impression. She is like a stern mother telling you the often-unpalatable truth without sugarcoating; she has your best interest in mind, that is clear.
Her style is clear and always directly to the point, and what she covers in this great book could well serve as a Buddhist Primer.
I have a fairly comprehensive Buddhist library which I read from daily, but the author I return to the most often is Ayya Khema. If ever I feel cloudy, her words cut through the fog and ushers me back to me feet and into action; this without beating you over the head with it, just by clearly and directly making her many well-wrought points.
She is a person who walked the walk and her experience and certainty shines through every sentence. You are richer for having met her, if only through her wonderful books.
You owe it to yourself to read this.
Ayya Khema (Ilse Kussel) was German born Theravada Buddhist nun, who, I’m pretty sure, never gladly suffered fools. Accounts from former students of her corroborate that impression. She is like a stern mother telling you the often-unpalatable truth without sugarcoating; she has your best interest in mind, that is clear.
Her style is clear and always directly to the point, and what she covers in this great book could well serve as a Buddhist Primer.
I have a fairly comprehensive Buddhist library which I read from daily, but the author I return to the most often is Ayya Khema. If ever I feel cloudy, her words cut through the fog and ushers me back to me feet and into action; this without beating you over the head with it, just by clearly and directly making her many well-wrought points.
She is a person who walked the walk and her experience and certainty shines through every sentence. You are richer for having met her, if only through her wonderful books.
You owe it to yourself to read this.
September 25, 2018
Chỉ cần nói “Tôi thích ngồi thiền. Tôi sẽ làm như thế”. Vậy là đủ…
Đơn giản và dễ hiểu là những gì mình cảm nhận được khi trải nghiệm quyển sách này. Tác giả đã cung cấp được đầy đủ nền tảng căn bản, ý nghĩa cũng như phương pháp cho những độc giả quan tâm và muốn ứng dụng thiền vào đời sống. Bên cạnh đó, người đọc cũng được chia sẻ những giá trị tinh túy và thực tiễn của đạo Phật một cách có hệ thống về Tứ Vô Lượng Tâm, Nghiệp và Luân hồi, Ngũ uẩn, Thập thiện, Tứ diệu đế, Bát Chánh Đạo… Tất nhiên, “đơn giản không có nghĩa là dễ dàng. Đó là những việc khó làm nhưng chắc chắn sẽ đem lại lợi ích cho ta. Những lợi ích không gì có thể so sánh được”. Có lẽ đó cũng là lý do tác giả đã chỉ ra cụ thể những chướng ngại thường gặp, đòi hỏi người tu thiền phải có quyết tâm cao, tinh tấn để thiền dần dần trở thành một thói quen tự nhiên như cách sinh hoạt hàng ngày, như ăn uống, ngủ nghỉ, làm việc, tắm gội và đánh răng… “Đó là một thói quen tốt, trong sạch, nó dẫn ta đến con đường Thanh tịnh hóa. Những thói quen của tư tưởng sẽ tạo hình cho cá tính của ta và dẫn dắt ta đi vào những nẻo đường tâm linh, đường đến với Đạo”.
Đơn giản và dễ hiểu là những gì mình cảm nhận được khi trải nghiệm quyển sách này. Tác giả đã cung cấp được đầy đủ nền tảng căn bản, ý nghĩa cũng như phương pháp cho những độc giả quan tâm và muốn ứng dụng thiền vào đời sống. Bên cạnh đó, người đọc cũng được chia sẻ những giá trị tinh túy và thực tiễn của đạo Phật một cách có hệ thống về Tứ Vô Lượng Tâm, Nghiệp và Luân hồi, Ngũ uẩn, Thập thiện, Tứ diệu đế, Bát Chánh Đạo… Tất nhiên, “đơn giản không có nghĩa là dễ dàng. Đó là những việc khó làm nhưng chắc chắn sẽ đem lại lợi ích cho ta. Những lợi ích không gì có thể so sánh được”. Có lẽ đó cũng là lý do tác giả đã chỉ ra cụ thể những chướng ngại thường gặp, đòi hỏi người tu thiền phải có quyết tâm cao, tinh tấn để thiền dần dần trở thành một thói quen tự nhiên như cách sinh hoạt hàng ngày, như ăn uống, ngủ nghỉ, làm việc, tắm gội và đánh răng… “Đó là một thói quen tốt, trong sạch, nó dẫn ta đến con đường Thanh tịnh hóa. Những thói quen của tư tưởng sẽ tạo hình cho cá tính của ta và dẫn dắt ta đi vào những nẻo đường tâm linh, đường đến với Đạo”.
September 10, 2018
“We call this body “mine,” creating the illusion of a “me.” We think, “I know what I look like. When I look in the mirror I see ‘me’ and I actually know this is ‘me.’” Yet, were we to make a closer examination we would find thousands of “me’s,” all different sizes, shapes, and colors. Sometimes a little fatter, sometimes a little thinner, first short, then taller, having black hair, then grey hair, having no glasses, later with glasses, feeling miserable, then feeling wonderful. The question must arise, “Which one is me?” If the answer is, “I’m all these different people,” we have at least seen that we’re not one, but maybe a hundred thousand people, as we’ve already discussed. Which one of the hundred thousand can we pick out to be the real me? There has to be somebody that’s real to keep the “me” going. It’s impossible for one person to be a hundred thousand people. It doesn’t work, does it?”
July 1, 2018
"If you have some photos of yourself when you were four or eight or twelve or fifteen, hold them up against the mirror. Look into the mirror and decide which one you are. Are you the four-year-old, the eight-year-old, the fifteen-year-old, the twenty-five-year-old, or the one who is looking into the mirror, or all of them? If you are all of them, then by now you must be thousands of different people. And that is what one really is, a state of constant change."
This one talks about our impermanence. I think it is wasteful to live too much in the past or the future. The past often happened differently from what our minds tell us anyway. It fills voids with it's own imaginations and sometimes even leaves things out. It is an unreliable mind. Two people can remember the same event completely different. But who is the right one?
No one, or both of them.
.
Letting go of wanting means letting go of disatisfaction.
March 4, 2023
Im grossen und ganzen mag ich das Buch sehr, da es die Hauptpunkte der Lehren des Buddhas auf den Punkt bringt und anhand von kleinen Anekdoten veranschaulicht. Auch empfinde ich den konkreten vergleich gewisser Theoretischen Inputs in die alltägliche Welt als unterstützend, da sie das Verständnis für die folgende eigentliche Umsetzung vereinfachen. Zudem bieten sie anregungen für eigene Vergleiche, was das ganze noch verständlicher macht. Jedoch werden meiner Meinung nach sehr viele dinge wiederholt, einfach in ungeschriebenen Sätzen. Meiner Interpretation nach hat die Autorin dies extra gemacht, da sie in einem Abschnitt erwähnt das der Buddha bei seinen Lehren sich immer wieder wiederholt hat. Ich persönlich empfinde dies manchmal als einwenig störend und auch teils verwirrend. Trotzdem sehe ich die Intension dahinter und empfinde es als gute Möglichkeit das geleste besser zu verinnerlichen.
July 24, 2023
I was given this book back in 1998. I had started to research Buddhism and a friend bought this for me to see if it would help me with my search for a better understanding of life.
This is a complex read. It is not trivial in any sense. I am still reading it because I read the various chapters many times before I fully understand them, and before I begin a new chapter.
The book is good for anyone who is seeking that spiritual journey of understanding yourself. If you are suffering from physical or mental pain, this book can help you better understand the power of your mind. It can help you improve your daily routine and how to deal with the crap that life gives you.
I will mention that while I was reading this, I found myself saying, "hey, that's how I think" and "that makes perfect sense". The book was as if it was written specifically for me.
A great book and for anyone who needs guidance to calm their mind and learn how to meditate.
This is a complex read. It is not trivial in any sense. I am still reading it because I read the various chapters many times before I fully understand them, and before I begin a new chapter.
The book is good for anyone who is seeking that spiritual journey of understanding yourself. If you are suffering from physical or mental pain, this book can help you better understand the power of your mind. It can help you improve your daily routine and how to deal with the crap that life gives you.
I will mention that while I was reading this, I found myself saying, "hey, that's how I think" and "that makes perfect sense". The book was as if it was written specifically for me.
A great book and for anyone who needs guidance to calm their mind and learn how to meditate.
May 23, 2025
This was the first book I read since 15 at school. Two years later, it marked reading becoming a hobby. And there couldn't of been a better book to of gotten me through a troubling time. I had hit an all time low, it was 2020 and social isolation was eating away at my spirit.
Being Nobody, Going Nowhere set up a framework of being. It exains the human condition and how to live on this earth in the Buddhist perspective. The book wastes no time, its clear, concise and tells stories of teaching along the way.
My favourite part is the simple layout. The structure of the chapters follows a progression of understanding and application. The human condition, the virtues, the trappings, the noble truths, the noble eightfold path.
Thank you mum, this book had thought you so much. Im glad to of found it on your shelf. I had a beautiful quiet summer. It was a little less lonely with this book, a bike, trees and the river as good company.
Being Nobody, Going Nowhere set up a framework of being. It exains the human condition and how to live on this earth in the Buddhist perspective. The book wastes no time, its clear, concise and tells stories of teaching along the way.
My favourite part is the simple layout. The structure of the chapters follows a progression of understanding and application. The human condition, the virtues, the trappings, the noble truths, the noble eightfold path.
Thank you mum, this book had thought you so much. Im glad to of found it on your shelf. I had a beautiful quiet summer. It was a little less lonely with this book, a bike, trees and the river as good company.
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