What do you think?
Rate this book


40 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 1, 1933

“A barbarian of barbarians, the vitality and endurance of the wild were his, granting him survival where civilized men would have perished.”(Loose translation: it’s bloody shrimping cool to be a barbarian.) And third: he’s got a new Squeeze of the Moment in the person of Natala, aka the Clinging Whining Sissy (more on that later). Things could be much worse, methinks.
“The fellow's head thudded on the flags; the body staggered drunkenly, an arch of blood jetting from the severed jugular; then it fell heavily.”
“What's the matter?” he snarled. “If you ever grab my sword arm again, I'll skin you.”Ah, such a warmhearted, compassionate guy, my Conan! He really knows how to treat a woman properly.
“Lir an mannanan mac lira,” he swore, grabbing her by the nape of her neck and thrusting her into a gilded chair at the end of the table with no great ceremony. “We starve and you make objections! Eat!”Look at him, all concerned about Natala being malnourished and stuff. Sigh. How very touching indeed. What? You think Conan’s being a bit too hard on poor Natala? Well, considering what a pain in the exoskeleton she is, I personally think he’s most lenient and tolerant and indulgent and stuff.


“Natala rose and jerked up her tunic, her eyes blazing, her lips pouting sulkily.”See what I mean? A good thing my Barbarian is the most *cough* self-controlled *cough* dude ever.
“Conan swore under his breath. He was no more monogamous in his nature than the average soldier of fortune, but there was an innate decency about him that was Natala's best protection.”Ha! Conan might be a homicidal maniac, but at least he is a respectful one. Besides, with so many chicks falling at his feet over the years, he has learned to prioritize and stuff.

“But with the stoicism of the wilds he made no complaint.”Such a resilient, unflappable sexpot you are, Barbarian Mine. So of course Conan survives (he’s more or less the hero of this series, just so you know, and therefore cannot die deadly dead and stuff) and, with Natala
“It was a hot welcome we got in that accursed city,” he snarled. Then his grim humor returned. “Well, they'll remember our visit long enough, I'll wager. There are brains and guts and blood to be cleaned off the marble tiles, and if their god still lives, he carries more wounds than I.”Hahahahahahaha. There’s nothing quite like Cimmerian humor, methinks. (P.S. I hope Thog’s got a good cleaning crew.)

