Alandra's Lilacs: The Story of a Mother and Her Deaf Daughter

by Tressa Bowers

When, in 1968, 19-year-old Tressa Bowers took her baby daughter to an expert on deaf children, he pronounced that Alandra was “stone deaf,” she most likely would never be able to talk, and she probably would not get much of an education because of her communication limitations. Tressa refused to accept this stark assessment of Alandra’s prospects. Instead, she began the arduous process of starting her daughter’s education.

Economic need forced Tressa to move several times, and as a result, she and Alandra experienced a variety of learning environments: a pure oralist approach, which discouraged signing; Total Communication, in which the teachers spoke and signed simultaneously; a residential school for deaf children, where Signed English was employed; and a mainstream public school that relied upon interpreters. Changes at home added more demands, from Tressa’s divorce to her remarriage, her long work hours, and the ongoing challenge of complete communication within their family. Through it all, Tressa and Alandra never lost sight of their love for each other, and their affection rippled through the entire family. Today, Tressa can triumphantly point to her confident, educated daughter and also speak with pride of her wonderful relationship with her deaf grandchildren. Alandra’s Lilacs is a marvelous story about the resiliency and achievements of determined, loving people no matter what their circumstances might be.

Genres: Read For School, Nonfiction

150 pages, Paperback

First published May 28, 1999

Reviews

[Tori (Book Chick) · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

I honestly read this book because my son, who is studying to be an American Sign Language interpreter, was required to read it for a class. He lived in the Deaf Community for 2 years and is fluent in the language. I love ASL. He has helped me understand different aspects of the Deaf Culture I wouldn't have known or understood before. I have met so many members of the Deaf Community and they have been so loving and open to me as I learn ASL. So this book was interesting to read as it was written from the point of view of a mother of a deaf child born in the 60s when resources were so limited. What frustrated me while reading this book was the ignorance of the doctors, the educators, and society in general. The doctor said Alandra would never learn. The educators encouraged no gestural communication, and wanted Alandra to read lips and learn to speak. Basically, they wanted the Deaf to learn to live in a hearing world- which was and is very isolating. It was heartbreaking to read. Also the prejudice they encountered by society- even by her great-grandmother who didn't want to be around her because it "made her uncomfortable" made me feel the need to punch some people.
Overall, the writing was not very good. But, the story needed to be told. It is educational and eye-opening. It was awesome to watch the author's attitude change as she learned and understood more. I loved reading her big "Ah Ha!" moment when she visited Alandra at the Deaf school and saw how alive her daughter was and how much she was able to communicate with her friends via American Sign Language. A whole new world was opened to her through this language, now that she wasn't forced to try to live in a hearing world with hearing rules and hearing language. I loved it. :) I'm giving 3.5 stars because of the subpar writing, but the important message.

[Alexia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tressa's novel chronicles the life of her deaf daughter Alandra in our hearing world well before there was an understanding and greater acceptance as to how to teach children who are deaf. Born in 1967, there was conflict within the education community about teaching sign language versus forcing deaf children to speak orally and lip read. Children like Alandra got caught up in this conflict with sign language winning as the preferred method of communication. This, of course, meant a great more effort on the parents, extended family and friends of the deaf child to learn sign to communicate and frankly, keep up within her deaf world. Tressa details her struggles within the medical and education communities openly and frankly to give Alandra the very best support available at the time. Tressa also describes her own struggles to learn sign language. She later realizes that her willingness to try to learn is what is appreciated by the deaf community, despite her "stuttering" or mistakes. Although it is clear that at times Tressa fears for Alandra navigating within the hearing world, she is deeply proud of her independent daughter who grows up having a family of her own.

What impressed me most is Tressa's ability to show the advancements made within the deaf community (medical, education and support system). Indeed deaf children and adults can have full, meaningful lives without hearing. Yes, there have been surgical improvements made for some to restore hearing should they want to try that option, but some deaf people aren't interested.

I was also impressed about Tressa's acceptance towards her own grandchildren's deafness. She never saw this as setback or a negative. She just loved her grandchildren and saw this as an opportunity to continue to use her signing.

[Terry Bourbon · Rating 3 out of 5]

My daughter is taking some deaf studies courses in college, and read this book for one of her classes. She wanted me to read it. The writing is not fabulous, reminiscent of a self published book, even though this is not self published. The style changes twice, perhaps as the author gains confidence in herself.
The story is good, however, and engaging. I found myself comparing it to the movie, "Children of a lesser God", that I saw in the theaters when it first came out in the mid 1980s. This story isn't quite that, but as a hearing person, it was the first time I really considered deaf people, and got an insight into their world. As a mother, I appreciated Tressa's trials and tribulations raising a deaf daughter, the times, her youth, and her family's initial lack of understanding made it more difficult for her. This story gave me a different window into the world of the deaf, and I found myself interested and intrigued again. It is a story of real life, with real issues, not trumped up or orchestrated drama.

[Danielle Fenton · Rating 3 out of 5]

Description:

Tressa recounts raising her deaf daughter, Alandra, in the late 60’s. She writes about her lifetime struggle to communicate effectively with her daughter and the Deaf community. She also tells of how difficult it was at times to get her daughter the educational services she needed to succeed. Through her journey, she learns to not just accept her daughter, but to find joy not in spite of, but because of her deafness.

Opinion:

While this book has lost a lot of its relevancy in technology and education for the deaf, I did find it very insightful in not just how the Hearing respond/socialize with the Deaf, but also how the Deaf respond/socialize with the Hearing. Tressa also did a great job expressing her self-proclaimed inadequacies as a parent raising a deaf child. Any parent who is raising a child that is either disabled or neurodivergent, can relate to her journey.

[Kristen]

Had to read for a paper for school. Only reason why I finished it. I can understand how life changing and challenging having a deaf child can be. But, the mother here almost whines and complains about it and then tries to make herself some kind of martyr for overcoming it.

[Haley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this for my deaf culture class and really enjoyed it! It’s an honest telling of a hearing mother who raises a deaf child and the struggles she goes through with the communication barriers. I recommend to any cmd/childhood ed majors :)

[Lily Steele · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Had to read this for my ASL class so i figured I’d put it here. Easy read, clearly demonstrated how it’s the hearing world that doesn’t know how to communicate with the Deaf world, not the other way around

[Anne Knighten · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent book describing the challenges of being a hearing parent raising a Deaf daughter. Although technology has changed since this book was written, the struggles remain. Recommended for parents of Deaf children or anyone interested in Deaf studies or the Deaf community.

[Mariam]

Read for my sign language and deafness class. Important message and story but not the best writing. Appreciated it nonetheless.

[Anna Flaherty · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read for ASL class. Easy read, nice look into the life of a hearing parent of a deaf child.

[jele · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was too the mom loves her daughter very much and I’m glad she finally learned sign language

[Kassidy Peters · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this for school. It was interesting to read but not a book I would choose to read for leisure.

[Cody · Rating 5 out of 5]

THIS WAS SO SWEET!!!!!

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a true story by the mother of a child, Alandra, who was born deaf. It's their struggles to get an education and help for the little gir. My sister took 2 sign language courses and her professor had them read it to get a feel for the deaf community.

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great story!
Follows a little girl and her experiences being Deaf in her family and how her family supports her.

I read this book in an Upper GE class. The story was interesting when I was able to follow the characters and what was happening.

[Shahd · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short, and right to the point. Informative and entertaining but has unnecessary details. Can be informative to someone who is not exposed to Deaf culture or people. Can be helpful to new parents of Deaf children whom don't have any knowledge. Beneficial and funny also. Good read, indeed.

[Michelle]

very quick read--overview, but not much depth; story of a mother w/deaf daughter who tried oral but chose TC, then ended up with deaf grandchildren as well

[Barbara · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was so insightful; I learned a lot about the deaf community. The style wasn't anything special, but the message is.