Secondhand Heart

by Scarlet Blackwell

Conrad Muller’s heart is the center of a web of friendships, fights, and love lost and found in a close-knit group of gay men in Orange County, California. Six months ago, Conrad died, and his organs were donated for transplant. A month later, Conrad’s lover, Christian, receives a letter from the recipient of Conrad’s donated heart.

Christian can’t stop thinking about the letter, and he’s not the only one affected by loss. Conrad’s best friend Eban is also brokenhearted, and he’s struggling with his lover Damien, who has always resented living in Conrad’s shadow. Though Conrad is gone, his friends and his lover will have to cope with their grief to move on and find new love.

Genres: M M Romance, Contemporary, Romance, Erotica, M M Contemporary, Friends To Lovers, Fiction

342 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 13, 2011

Reviews

[Simsala · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first book that I`ve read in 2011 that goes to my favorites shelf.
I loved every word,every page and read several chapters twice in this achingly beautiful novel.
I could(almost)swear,that Secondhand Heart has been written just for me.;-)

The story of love lost and found involves grief,angst,cheating,promiscuity,lying,desperation,passion,hot sex,a ghost,a letter and many,many tears.So it may not be to everyones taste.
Nonetheless - highly recommended!

[Feliz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Only one word: DRAMA. Spelled out in blinking, capitalized neon letters three feet high with sparkling stars flashing all around. Boy, all that swinging and bed-hopping made my head spin! If I’ve counted correctly, there are ten men more or less entangled in this web of relationships, love affairs, friendships and or/ fuck sessions, all orbiting Conrad, who seems to have been the center of their universe – still is, actually, even though he’s dead. Perhaps all the more for it. And to top it all, nothing in this story is low-key. Those who are sad are weeping their eyes out – actually, there’s a flood of tears in this story. Those who feel betrayed are devastated to the point of wanting to end their lives. Those who love do so unconditionally and eternally, with their whole hearts. Fights turn into public scenes, kisses turn legs to jelly, affection turns into obsession. There’s sex on well-nigh every third page or so, sometimes involving more than one pairing within one chapter. However, the sheer abundance and the intensity of all those twists and turns made for a very interesting ride.

As a matter of fact, this was a Comedy of Errors of Shakespearian dimensions that moved from one catastrophe to the next. Curious enough, though, it worked for me. I felt myself sucked into the troubles and problems of those men as their emotions, their despair and happiness unfolded before me and came alive on the pages. I found myself picking favorites (Darius and Aaron – knights in shining armor!), pitying others (Luke – poor sod), despising some (Conrad – what a sorry prick) and mocking some (Christian – get a grip, man! Eban – just grow a pair!). In the end, when the main protagonists were sitting happily paired up around the Christmas tree, with all the various sideline Jacks having found their respective Jills (ahem, Bills), I was satisfied like after a fluffy piece of Danish pastry. Man, what an indulgence!

Read the full review at reviewsbyjessewave.com

[Gwengwel · Rating 1 out of 5]

I try. Really really try. But I can't finish it.
Worse than a soap opera
Everyone cheat, everyone sleep with everyone, everyone has secret, everyone lie, everyone cry, etc. I almost expect Conrad to came back of the death...
They act like a bunch of 8 years old kids that want the same toy.

I don't know if it's me that view this book as worst than he is in reality (view the other reviews, a lot of peoples love it) since I'm not a fan of this writer (as I have to admit after reading some of her other books) or if I find it that that much a bad book, objectively, if it's was the first book that I'd read by this writer.

8 personage (A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H) + one death (X) + one other (Y)
A: was with X, sleep with B and F,
B: was with C, sleep with X, D (while being with C), G (while being with C), sleep with Y, love X
C: was with B, sleep with H
D: sleep with B, E, in love with E?
E: sleep with D, in love with D?
F: sleep with A, received X's heart, friend of G
G: sleep with B, friend of F
H: sleep with C, partner of A
Y: has a boyfriend, sleep with B, loved X?


EDIT: Ok, I scroll it rapidly to see who end up with who, so, um, that's count at finish it?!
EDIT 2: Hooo, the beautiful bit with the shark! Is it a new use of 'jumping the shark'?

[Ami · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of those stories where everybody is connected ...

Conrad died and his organs are being donated, including his heart -- in a way he is the core of everything that happens in this story. Let's see if I can sum this up. Christian is Conrad's partner for ten years, who is starting to move on with Luke, who ends up to be the receiver of Conrad's heart. Eban is Conrad's best friend, who has been in love with Conrad for half his life, who is having a complicated relationship with Damien, his ex-lover who dumps Eban because Eban cheated on Damien, with Jack ... who happens to be a colleague of Christian at work, who at the moment of the story is seeing their boss, Marcus. Eban is attracted to Darius, who happens to be Luke's friend. While Damien tries to find consolation (of knowing that Eban has feelings for Conrad) in Aaron's arm, who happens to be Eban's cop partner.

Are you with me so far? *grin*. Yep, that is pretty much the whole story. The main narrators are Christian and Eban, as they are trying to find their way in the world of living after Eban dies. Secondary narrator will be Damien, who is a wreck because he feels that he is not enough for Eban.

(1) Christian and Luke ... in a way this is the less complicated relationship. It's pretty straight forward really. Christian is attracted to Luke, feels a bit guilty because he moves on from Conrad, but cannot denies that Luke makes him happy. Until he finds out that Luke is the receiver, that Conrad dies to make Luke stays alive. Christian is not as complicated as other Scarlet Blackwell's men. I think his grief is genuine and real; even if his reaction to Luke (after he finds out) is hurtful but I guess it is coming from shock and confusion.

(2) Eban, on the other hand, is one of those men from Scarlet Blackwell with HUGE issues. His relationship with Damien is toxic (in my opinion). He sleeps around because his love is unrequited for 15 years. Eban is tragic ... he cannot really move on and pretty much destroys every possibility of happiness he might have. So I see this book more as Eban's journey to let go, to realize that he cannot stay doing those destructive ways, that he cannot cure his pain with sex. There is a scene where he is meeting a bereavement counselor, and I applaud him for that.

This is a Scarlet Blackwell's drama. It might not be as raw as "Rescue Me", but there are still tender moments and parts where I just shake my head and feels deep sympathy for the characters here.

The ending is redemption, with everyone is with the best person for them. Which makes me happy :)

[Neet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Can I just say that this though this book is filled with sex,violence, and angst ,it also has a realistic depiction of how death can affect everyone differently.The dearly departed in this case is Conrad, lover of 10 years to Christian and best friend of eban both who are emotionally drained by his death for 6 months. Also throw in eban 's angry ex, Damien who always felt second best to Conrad and friends and coworkers jack and Marcus.I loved how conflicted each of these characters were Christian could be a cruel selfish bastard and then a unselfish and devoted friend.Eban could be a sex addicted, alcohol fueled drama queen and then turn into the strong vulnerable man willing to sacrafice his emotional sanity for Christian. Eban has been living with Christian in the house that Christian and Conrad shared and both men are trying to go on with their lives. Christian finds himself attracted to a young man he encounters at the coffee shop he goes to each day.guilt comes crashing in.How can Christian be attracted to someone after losing the love of his life the only man he ever gave himself to and was devoted to for 10 years. Christian still allows himself after fighting it to meet Luke. Also we have Eban who lost his virginity to Conrad when they were teenagers and still wonders if there was more to their relationship. Eban is the character I find myself drawn to,vulnerable,heroic, there for friends yet so depressed, you want this man to get help. I loved the soapiness of this novel,the bed hopping, condemnations, fights and tears are written perfectly.at it's heart though,this is a novel about healing after the death of someone who played an important part of your life dies.Conrad was a conflicted man and we see how people can idolize a person when he dies, only remembering the good qualities and ignoring those qualities that were less then flattering. Christian sees Conrad as an unselfish lover, devoted friend, and yet we see examples that Christian might not be aware of selfishness and jealousy. Eban sees Conrad as the lover that he compares to all others. Each man in his own way has to heal and go beyond Conrad in order to step forward in their lives. I loved this novel because it gave no easy answers and was indeed a good read.

[Judith · Rating 5 out of 5]

6 stars!!!! Haunting and powerful! I dont think I'll ever be completely over how intense this novel was for me! I have never read a story as emotional as this. Eban... man, my heart bled continuously for him. It bleeds still!!Thank the Gods for Marcus!!!
This story should come with a warning label:
"This read requires 2 boxes of tissues. This read also requires some quiet time for reflection, recovery, and mending your shattered heart during and afterwards!"

[Nile Princess · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 Definitely not for everyone. This one put me through the wringer. I think I pretty much know what the one and two star reviews will say and they'll be right, but I couldn't put this down.

Ok, so this book is pretty much Queer As Folk meets Melrose Place. Everyone is sleeping with everyone else and every new character that's introduced knows one of the original characters in one way or other. It's like one degree of separation.

[vLadimiR · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Snaps

So the story basically revolves around three men living in Newport beach who are in a very complicated love triangle which started fifteen years prior to the beginning of the book. The first chapter deals with the death of Conrad and even though he is essentially absent for the whole duration of the book, his influence is the strongest among all the characters in the story. The plot mainly covers how Conrad's boyfriend, Christian and their mutual best friend, Eban, deal with the pain of loss while uncovering secrets that Conrad kept during his life.

I imagined watching an episode of Queer as Folk while reading this book because of the mesh of relationships featured in this story.

What didn't work for me:

1. The cheating. This book is by far the only one I've read with the worst case of cheating I have ever encountered almost to the point of an open relationship. This aspect strongly applies to the character of Eban who so unfaithful that he has slept with almost every character in the story. I hated him for the first part of the book but I was able to forgive him later he discovered a very painful secret about Conrad.

2. There were some aspects of the plot I thought were unnecessary like Christian's anger after finding out the Luke was the recipient of Conrad's heart. I mean, how could Luke have known that he would become a recipient of the heart that belonged to his future boyfriend's dead lover? This was clearly just a device that was used to extend the plot IMO.

3. The sheer number of characters was just overwhelming sometimes. Good thing the author used unique names and characteristics to differentiate one from the other.

What worked for me:

1. The relationship development was well done. I suppose the length of the story gave way to that but I have to give props to the author for being able to focus on several different relationships in just one book. Other authors would've probably resorted to writing a series in favor profit.

2. The writing. I'm glad the book was written in the third person, otherwise it would've completely annoyed me. There were secrets in the book that would've never made sense had I not been given a glimpse of every characters' perspective. Although I had some issues with the plot, the story kept a good pace and never had dull moment with all the drama going on. It was very entertaining at the least.

3. The tender moments between characters were well done. No chicks-with-dicks for the most part, unless you consider a guy giving flowers to another guy as effeminate.

If you're into heavy drama, angst, a bit of unrequited love and lots of sex then this book might just be for you.

[T.A. Webb · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dont let the slow pace put you off. This book SINGS. It is really Ebans story that shines the brightest. The grief of Conrads death paralyzes Christian and Eban and how they and the whole group of those who knew and/or loved Conrad grieve and find closure and release is beautifully written. Ms. Blackwell doesnt exactly pull any huge surprises out of the bag but her understated characterizations make this story quietly heartbreaking. I found myself moved to tears several times as the book drew to its inevitable finish. I found myself in love with several of the characters...but Eban...marry me...
Comment

[Chief Editor · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is like reading the gay version of sex and the city with Christian as Carrie and Eban as Samantha Jones(if they ever had sex). At 48% I really could not take it anymore. The total lack of maturity from characters slatted at 30+ was too much. And Eban going back to "build bridges" with a malicious man who won't hesitate to hurt people around him to get to him was too much. And the characters seem to have no self control sexually(am I projecting?). I can't finish it. I'm a little sorry about that but not enough to endure till the end.

[Smurphette_Jelly_Bean Bookshelf · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I have read in a long time. If I could give it more than 5 stars I would. I have never felt so many different emotions or cried so much reading one book. I would definitely recommend this book. I felt so much for Christian, Eban, Luke, Darius, Damien and Conrad. So much loss for all involved. This has become one of my favorite books of all time.
**** It may not be for everyone if you don't like to read m/m romance.***

[John · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not quite my cup of tea. Lots of volatile drama, but unfortunately I had a hard time liking the characters enough to care very much about it. So it was rather like reading a soap opera that one doesn't quite follow. I found the point of view a little hard to cope with as it shifted among the cast. It's not a bad book but once the pattern is set, it's a bit predictable.

[Enny · Rating 4 out of 5]

That was an absolutely fantastic book with flawed and therefore very interesting characters. Only the completely unbelievable twist with the organ recipient being the new love interest of the organ donor's boyfriend kept me from giving the book 5 stars.

[Linda-Grace · Rating 4 out of 5]

So much angst it nearly tore my heart out. They were all a**holes in itat some point apart from Luke lol(

[Nairi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, this really is a masochistic reading and I could go through with it because there is rarely a book I can't read.

I gave it 4 stars only for the depth of the emotions, the gut-wrenching pain and grief Eban and Christian were going through and the glimmer of hope I had throughout the book that, at some point, things would get better, the mc would get some closure and be able to move on.
It was really hard to read and most of the book ( about 80%, okay, I admit) I was crying my heart out. In a nutshell, Conrad died in a horrible accident seven months before, leaving behind his ten-year partner, Christian, and his life-long best friend, Eban. There are other men involved in the story, quite many, in fact, but they do have each their role. The story follows Christian and Eban's torment and their struggle to come to terms to Conrad's death. Though Christian had all my sympathy for his loss, it was Eban who broke my heart repeatedly as he mourns his lost chance to love and a relationship with Conrad. He allows himself to admit that he has been in love with Conrad for 15 years but never really acted on it or claimed Conrad, except for their first time together when they were sixteen. I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to have unrequited love for someone for so long and never get the chance to tell them you love them.

And I wanted to hate Conrad for rejecting Eban and choosing to be friends instead of lovers when it was so obvious he loved him, yet he denied both of them. And I wanted to hold Conrad when thinking what he had gone through, having and loving his partner, Christian, but also having Eban as a friend and hiding his love for him. Why couldn't there be a threesome and they would have all lived happily ever after???
And here enters the scene Luke, a man who will become Christian's new lover and Eban's best friend !!! oh, the irony !
The book is quite complex from this point of view and deals with serious issues like: grief, suicidal thoughts, heart condition, sex addiction. It is Eban who tries to cope with Conrad's death by sleeping around when in fact, he only tries to find again and recreates the wonderful feeling he had that first time with Conrad.
What I didn't like about the book was the small number of secondary characters needed, in my opinion, to make their environment more real. On the other hand, it is understandable if the author's focus was solely on the men caught in this net of love and loss, thus emphasizing their feelings and not the world around, because this is what happens when depression and misery and loneliness make you sink underwater.

this is what happens to most of the characters directly connected, they keep drowning and can't keep their head above the water any more. As a reader, you feel as if you are on the shore watching people drown and there is nothing you can do. Hopelessnes permeates most of the book but fortunately the silver lining shows just in time.
So, if you're in for a lot of angst, a lot more crying and heart-breaking love stories, this is the book for you!

[Judy & Marianne from Long and Short Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

Originally posted at: http://whippedcream2.blogspot.com/201...

In the interwoven fabric of life, what happens to a group of people when someone in their circle dies? This is not a light read; it is a deep and emotionally rich, thought-provoking story. I enjoy complex stories and so I enjoyed this story very much. This plot is not exactly like a traditional romance but it is a love story with a hard earned happy ending. This is a compound novel that centers on the lives of two roommates who are struggling to carry on their lives in the face of deep grief. Their hearts hunger for love but their preconceived notions of loyalty and the desire to hang on to some piece of the past will not let them move on with living and loving.

The main character is Christian, whose partner, Conrad recently died and he is grieving deeply. Christian is human and vulnerable; easy to relate to. He’s surly when he’s having a bad day and feels bad about it later. He’s not always perfect but he is always real; I like that in a character. He is torn between his need to stay loyal to the memory of Conrad and his burgeoning attraction to Luke.

Christian’s best friend and roommate is Eban, a policeman. Eban is struggling to get over a painful breakup with Damien while supporting Christian through his grief. Eban is also trying to come to terms with his own multifaceted relationship with the now deceased Conrad. Yet Eban is also tempted by his new attraction to a new man named Darius. Eban is a long-suffering friend and sweet solace to Christian and the two men also fight an attraction to each other while they are trying to sort out their individual love lives.

This story does not follow the neat and tidy lines of most traditional romances. There’s extreme emotional danger to these men from all sides in their intricate interactions as they try and sort out and define what life means now that they have lost Conrad to death. There is also a scene of a violent crime which takes place in the middle of novel which may be too much for gentle readers. Emotions are the central focus of the plot and conflicts and the sex reflects this. The sex is not frequent and is more tightly related to plot than in many stories. But the sex is also hot and poignant and touchingly funny at the same time.

Secondhand Heart is a deep, rich story about life while grieving that switches mid-book to a story about coming out of grief. It has a happy, life-affirming ending that just might have you reaching for your hanky. It's one of the most satisfying stories I have read in a long time. I know I’ll be thinking of Christian and Eban’s world for a long time to come.

[Monica Vidal · Rating 3 out of 5]

This one goes to that place of "ok I got your point, I agree with you, but let's not do that again." I liked it, but didn't loved it. It started really good and maybe I built too high expectations because the book didn't live up to it.

It starts with Christian and Eban losing Conrad in a car accident and it develops to us seeing how both guys dealt with Conrad's death. Christian lost the love of his life and I could see that the point was for me to feel sympathetic to him but all I wanted was to slap him. He's whinny and rude and selfish and only care about his pain, his lost, his fears, him him him. UGH.

I liked Eban. He fucks things up most of the time but at least it made him human and oh man...the scene when he reads Conrad's letter...Jesus fuck I bawled like a baby. It's just fucking sad.

Now, I think what really disappointed me was the transplant situation. Not gonna get into details because spoilers but really?! When I started the book I thought the author would go that way but at the same time I was thinking she wouldn't because it'd be so obvious and such a cliche but then tá-da she went there. I just thought it was unnecessary to the plot and in the whole scheme it didn't make a difference and its only purpose was to create more drama.

All in all, it's a good book. It's super sad at some parts and I'm not ashamed to say I cried. I recommend it to ppl who likes soap operas. Because that's how this one felt.

[Allie · Rating 5 out of 5]

All the characters in this story are interwoven and it seems that they will all have slept with someone in the group by the end of the book. All gay men, of course :o) Well, all but one, I think.

Anyway, the story revolves around the two men who loved Conrad (who died 6 months before our story begins). The first man is Christian, Conrad's lover of the past 10 years. The second man is Eban, Conrad's best friend of 15 years and now Christian's best friend.

I won't rehash the story here because others have but I will say that I loved this book. I didn't find it slow nor dull. I found all the connections amusing (you come to expect them all to somehow be intertwined) and some of the story made me cry. I loved the poor and emotionally beaten character of Eban. He was my favourite. I'd like to read more about these men (maybe not so much Christian because I started to get fed up with him). I'd like to read more about poor Damien, Eban's ex, and his story with Aaron. I'd like to read more about Eban and Darius (I loved those two together). I'd like to read about Adam and Tom. The fact that certain parts of the book brought me to tears (the letter and the spectral visit) made my enjoyment of the book more real. Did I mention I loved the damaged Eban? Maybe I did, once or twice LOL

Well done, again, Scarlet Blackwell.

[Des · Rating 3 out of 5]

Im ambivalent about this book. It started out great. Scarlet Blackwell is an incredible writer. I felt every emotion as if it was my own and cried buckets. My favorite paragraph, "Christian stared after him and then slowly he made his way to a nearby bench and sank down, trying to reclaim his breath and his heart, which had been buried with Conrad, but which was trying to claw its way through six feet of earth and present itself to someone else." AMAZING. However, the rampant promiscuity eventually put me off the characters especially Eban no one that self destructive really wants (or deserves) to be happy. Its confusing how this book can be both beautiful and dissatisfactory at the same time. I found no joy in the HEA.

[Snowtulip · Rating 3 out of 5]

When you are in the mood for some angst and drama, this story might be just right for you.

As I was reading this book I would fluctuate rapidly between a 2 star and 4 star review. The 4 star components were captured in the grief, depth of love, friendship that was conveyed about Christian, Eban and Conrad. Throw in Luke and Darius to center and root the story...makes for a very content reader. The 2 star components that moved me from being content were the running story lines of the secondary characters (some of which provided humor), but turned out to be too much to handle sometimes and often detracted from the core of the story.

Overall, I became attached to the characters (sometimes against my better judgement) and still enjoyed reading this story.

[Charneen · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book nearly tore me in half, the fact that Christian was second best until Luke, no one reading this book cant be aware of that fact.

Conrad loved him but he loved and desired Eban more because he choose to not have him. the pain one man can cause the ripples that blow across through time and space.

the people who land up with who they do in the end, I hate Conrad, I hate that the man was gutless and a coward who's actions destroyed so many.

I love Luke and his sweet innocence and the fact he only loves Christian. I pity Eban and believe who found who he had to in the end.

As to Damien he also ended up where fate deemed him needed, Aaron would love him for him.

this book was the story of the greatest love story never played out between Conrad and Christian.

[Wusswoo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not really sure what to make of this one, it definitely engaged me emotionally, but I wanted to smack Eben and my heart broke for Christian and if Conrad hadn't been dead then I'd want to smack him too. This book had incredibly flawed characters, was angsty as hell, made me cry and stay up until 1am to finish it, but it ultimately left me a bit empty. Eben was one of the most destructive characters I have ever read, he left a trail of mayhem in his wake, I know he was mourning but there was no excuse for the way he treated people. Of all the characters I was glad Damien found some happiness.

[Linda-Grace · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow this had everything, love, angst, unrequited love, missed opportunites,cheating, anger, hurt, pain, grief, sadness, heartbreak etc... I loved this book and all the main characters in it for different reasons and some of them not much too like until you look deeper. Very powerful this book i could not put it down just finished it and its nearly 5am, thank god no work today haha. Went thru alot of emotions reading this book dont think i could read it all again, it one of those books that you love but cant read again. I really did love this book most of all cause i felt it was real reading it.

[Lily · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars

This story takes the reader on an emotional roller-coaster ride from beginning to end. Centered around a dead man, his transplanted heart, his lover and friends this book is full of angst and tears as well as tons of sex between the friends in all sorts of combinations. Pretty much everyone sleeps with everyone else at some point or another. Definitely reads like a soap opera, a very melodramatic one at that. Despite the tears and drama however it was an enjoyable read.

[Shamilla · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book. The angst and drama was touching. Eban and Damien was my fave characters, Luke, Darius, Marcus, Jack and Aaron were okay, still not sure if I like Christian and Conrad was a real bastard for stringing Eban along. I cried for Eban, out of all affected by Conrad's death, he suffered the most. Still a really great read. I like books that let's you fell the emotions of the characters.

[Being Human · Rating 1 out of 5]

Oh god, I'm so angry after reading this book! That piece of shit Eban gets to have a HEA, no way! I felt sorry of Damien, but he is such a spineless doormat that I'm not surprised Eban cheated on him repeatedly. God, everyone in this book is so annoying! I thought Christian and Luke were the main characters but somehow it shifted to that pathetic Eban from halfway. I kept reading in the hope that somehow all makes sense but no. I wasted my time reading this garbage.

[Jess Gabriel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I often feel like Scarlet Blackwell is two different people and they alternate writing books under her name. Some of her books are great and there are some that I can't even make it through.

This book was AMAZING. The characters were complex and though it was very long, I was never bored because there was so much going on with each character.

Highly Recommended!

[Kiki · Rating 2 out of 5]

hard to believe how many dysfunctional relationships can be crammed in to one novel ... It did keep my interest for the most part, but I found it impossible to believe in or feel any real satisfaction in all the nominally HEAs ...

[ED · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took me an hour or so to get into it, but after that..... well, I liked it. A bit like a Gay variety of "Days of our lives". The secret is, not to take it to seriously and it is a very entertaining story.

[Rellik · Rating 1 out of 5]

Couldn't stand the amount of drama, that and Conrad made the book too unpleasant for me to stomach. The characters' maturity level was so disappointing that I couldn't root for any single one of them.