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How to Live Between Office Visits: A Guide to Life, Love and Health
Answering the most commonly asked questions about health and illness, the author shows readers how to find the strength they need to face life-threatening illness
230 pages, Hardcover
First published May 1, 1993
11 people are currently reading
95 people want to read
About the author
Bernie S. Siegel
130 books125 followersBernie Siegel is an American writer and retired pediatric surgeon, who writes on the relationship between the patient and the healing process. He is known for his best-selling book Love, Medicine and Miracles.
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
May 14, 2023
A BOOK TO PROVIDE ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS FROM HIS OTHER BOOKS
Dr. Bernie Siegel wrote in the Introduction to this 1993 book, “Today ECaP [Exceptional Cancer Patients] has become a resource and model for support groups all over the world. We are seeing that all disease states are affected by psycho-social interventions… Bobbie [his wife] and I began to travel around the country, lecturing and conducting workshops… It had been my hope that my books… would answer many of the questions that people have. But I did not realize … [That] People began to want me, not just my books. At lectures and workshops people came up to talk, and to ask many questions. Others wrote letters or called, out of their need… I have not always been able to respond to the questions as fully as I would like. I have written this book to provide more answers… Some of the questions included here are about universal problems; others are more specific. Some I may never be able to answer; only you can provide the answers. I want this book to present you with information, but I also want it to be a special support, a comforting voice, an embrace I can’t always be there to give. We will learn together.” (Pg. xi-xiii)
He states, “Being independent doesn’t mean that you don’t need other people in your life. We all do, to make our lives significant. Independence means knowing your ability to deal with adversity as well as expressing feelings, asking for help when appropriate, learning to share your needs. It means not being lonely even when you are alone. It means developing into a full and complete human being, in the healthiest sense of the word.” (Pg. 5)
He says, “If you act from love, rather than out of duty, you will be amazed at the results. If you want to do something out of love, do it. You will be rewarded… If you are holding a lighted candle and I come to you with my unlit candle and light it from yours, you will have no less light. Giving love is like that… the universe’s energy isn’t depleted, just as the candlelight isn’t.” (Pg. 19)
He explains, “The definition of healing for me is one’s willingness to become reacquainted with one’s own true self and to allow one’s fellow man to do the same. This is all done in the power of love and forgiveness. The true essence of love is that it gives, gives and gives with no thought of what it will get back. Because in the end it gets it all back anyway and then some. The healing powers are unconditional love and forgiveness toward oneself and toward others.” (Pg. 42)
He suggests, “I wish we could license parents. Perhaps when a child is conceived, the two future parents would be assigned to a group in which they could share their feelings. We could insist that they attend as part of their medical care… And so we would have groups of parents, therapists, grandparents coming together… After the birth of the child, perhaps for a year or two or three, the mother and father would continue to be part of a group of other parents, grandparents and therapists so that they could share their frustrations and their pain.” (Pg. 63)
He explains, “What does it mean to be an exceptional patient? I think back to … the first people who came to our group meetings… They had certain characteristics, one of which was that they were willing to make choices. They reached out and took chances… They were ready to experience new things… Exceptional patients take responsibility. They are not afraid of failure; they focus on their abilities. They don’t say, ‘If I don’t do this right and cure myself, I’ve failed.’ … None of us can live forever, and yet I do think of exceptional patients as survivors.” (Pg. 73)
He asks, “Why is it so hard for the medical profession to accept the idea that the mind influences the body, or that the two constitute a unit? Perhaps because we’re simply not taught in medical school that you can’t separate your thoughts and your mind from your body. But the fact is that our thoughts and beliefs affect us physically as well as psychologically, and people can change. Recent studies have shown that even genes are capable of change.” (Pg. 96)
He observes, “I believe that love banishes all disease, and the absence of love is the only true disease. If you cannot understand this, talk to someone who has an illness without love and to someone who has it with love… If a child is loved, he or she is safe, for nothing can happen to be afraid of. And that includes disease and death… Just picture a child with a life-threatening illness lying in a crib in the hospital, with his parents lying next to him. Is that child all right? … My answer is yes, because of the love that envelops that child and that family.” (Pg. 124)
He asserts, “I think it is our training that is villainous. Even when medical students go into training, they are not given the support and education they need to keep from depersonalizing people. Some of that is obviously due to the people teaching them, who haven’t themselves dealt with those issues… What the present system will create is a group of people who might have been excellent physicians who no longer choose to be physicians, or who may have to be very careful in the specialties they select so they can protect themselves… Certain specialties remove you from caring for truly sick people who might threaten you or make you feel inadequate.” (Pg. 138-139)
He suggests, “When you think of illness in this way---versus God wanting you to be sick, or of cancer as a punishment for something you have done---you can see how much healthier this approach is and how God becomes a resource. Physicians need to know something about religion so they can help people deal with illness in the context of their own religion. And that includes… being aware of the issue of guilt.” (Pg. 145)
He states, “Hope is a wonderful resource for the physician. Even when things seem hopeless, to give a family hope is never wrong. There are many people I know who were not given hope who are alive and well today because they had the strength to go on… I am not denying the seriousness of many, many diseases… What I am talking about is human potential and what may happen, and I can share that with people honestly and openly. It does not mean telling them what they want to hear; it means telling them that they have a chance to fight for their lives, that they’re not sentenced to death.” (Pg. 159-161)
He says, “Hospitals should not only treat disease but should teach people how to live, how to support and sustain themselves, so that when people leave the hospital they have learned something about themselves and how to go on living. When they get back out into the world again, they may say that the hospitalization was a gift because of what it taught them.” (Pg. 168)
He notes, “Disease isn’t punishment; it is a part of life. If you are going to accept the gift of life, you’re going to accept its difficulties. Natural disasters occur. (If you win the lottery, however, do you ask, ‘Why me?’) Everyone must die. And you are not a sinner if you have an affliction. It doesn’t mean you didn’t love enough or that you did something wrong; it simply is part of what life is about.” (Pg. 176-177)
All of Dr. Siegel’s books are wonderful, for anyone---healthy or sick.
Dr. Bernie Siegel wrote in the Introduction to this 1993 book, “Today ECaP [Exceptional Cancer Patients] has become a resource and model for support groups all over the world. We are seeing that all disease states are affected by psycho-social interventions… Bobbie [his wife] and I began to travel around the country, lecturing and conducting workshops… It had been my hope that my books… would answer many of the questions that people have. But I did not realize … [That] People began to want me, not just my books. At lectures and workshops people came up to talk, and to ask many questions. Others wrote letters or called, out of their need… I have not always been able to respond to the questions as fully as I would like. I have written this book to provide more answers… Some of the questions included here are about universal problems; others are more specific. Some I may never be able to answer; only you can provide the answers. I want this book to present you with information, but I also want it to be a special support, a comforting voice, an embrace I can’t always be there to give. We will learn together.” (Pg. xi-xiii)
He states, “Being independent doesn’t mean that you don’t need other people in your life. We all do, to make our lives significant. Independence means knowing your ability to deal with adversity as well as expressing feelings, asking for help when appropriate, learning to share your needs. It means not being lonely even when you are alone. It means developing into a full and complete human being, in the healthiest sense of the word.” (Pg. 5)
He says, “If you act from love, rather than out of duty, you will be amazed at the results. If you want to do something out of love, do it. You will be rewarded… If you are holding a lighted candle and I come to you with my unlit candle and light it from yours, you will have no less light. Giving love is like that… the universe’s energy isn’t depleted, just as the candlelight isn’t.” (Pg. 19)
He explains, “The definition of healing for me is one’s willingness to become reacquainted with one’s own true self and to allow one’s fellow man to do the same. This is all done in the power of love and forgiveness. The true essence of love is that it gives, gives and gives with no thought of what it will get back. Because in the end it gets it all back anyway and then some. The healing powers are unconditional love and forgiveness toward oneself and toward others.” (Pg. 42)
He suggests, “I wish we could license parents. Perhaps when a child is conceived, the two future parents would be assigned to a group in which they could share their feelings. We could insist that they attend as part of their medical care… And so we would have groups of parents, therapists, grandparents coming together… After the birth of the child, perhaps for a year or two or three, the mother and father would continue to be part of a group of other parents, grandparents and therapists so that they could share their frustrations and their pain.” (Pg. 63)
He explains, “What does it mean to be an exceptional patient? I think back to … the first people who came to our group meetings… They had certain characteristics, one of which was that they were willing to make choices. They reached out and took chances… They were ready to experience new things… Exceptional patients take responsibility. They are not afraid of failure; they focus on their abilities. They don’t say, ‘If I don’t do this right and cure myself, I’ve failed.’ … None of us can live forever, and yet I do think of exceptional patients as survivors.” (Pg. 73)
He asks, “Why is it so hard for the medical profession to accept the idea that the mind influences the body, or that the two constitute a unit? Perhaps because we’re simply not taught in medical school that you can’t separate your thoughts and your mind from your body. But the fact is that our thoughts and beliefs affect us physically as well as psychologically, and people can change. Recent studies have shown that even genes are capable of change.” (Pg. 96)
He observes, “I believe that love banishes all disease, and the absence of love is the only true disease. If you cannot understand this, talk to someone who has an illness without love and to someone who has it with love… If a child is loved, he or she is safe, for nothing can happen to be afraid of. And that includes disease and death… Just picture a child with a life-threatening illness lying in a crib in the hospital, with his parents lying next to him. Is that child all right? … My answer is yes, because of the love that envelops that child and that family.” (Pg. 124)
He asserts, “I think it is our training that is villainous. Even when medical students go into training, they are not given the support and education they need to keep from depersonalizing people. Some of that is obviously due to the people teaching them, who haven’t themselves dealt with those issues… What the present system will create is a group of people who might have been excellent physicians who no longer choose to be physicians, or who may have to be very careful in the specialties they select so they can protect themselves… Certain specialties remove you from caring for truly sick people who might threaten you or make you feel inadequate.” (Pg. 138-139)
He suggests, “When you think of illness in this way---versus God wanting you to be sick, or of cancer as a punishment for something you have done---you can see how much healthier this approach is and how God becomes a resource. Physicians need to know something about religion so they can help people deal with illness in the context of their own religion. And that includes… being aware of the issue of guilt.” (Pg. 145)
He states, “Hope is a wonderful resource for the physician. Even when things seem hopeless, to give a family hope is never wrong. There are many people I know who were not given hope who are alive and well today because they had the strength to go on… I am not denying the seriousness of many, many diseases… What I am talking about is human potential and what may happen, and I can share that with people honestly and openly. It does not mean telling them what they want to hear; it means telling them that they have a chance to fight for their lives, that they’re not sentenced to death.” (Pg. 159-161)
He says, “Hospitals should not only treat disease but should teach people how to live, how to support and sustain themselves, so that when people leave the hospital they have learned something about themselves and how to go on living. When they get back out into the world again, they may say that the hospitalization was a gift because of what it taught them.” (Pg. 168)
He notes, “Disease isn’t punishment; it is a part of life. If you are going to accept the gift of life, you’re going to accept its difficulties. Natural disasters occur. (If you win the lottery, however, do you ask, ‘Why me?’) Everyone must die. And you are not a sinner if you have an affliction. It doesn’t mean you didn’t love enough or that you did something wrong; it simply is part of what life is about.” (Pg. 176-177)
All of Dr. Siegel’s books are wonderful, for anyone---healthy or sick.
January 26, 2018
This book took me over a year to finish. and now I know why. I wasn't ready before.
July 15, 2017
A guide to life, love and health, with soulful advice on living between those many office visits for the challenged patient.
see this and more than a hundred other organ donation/transplant related books - many with my personal reviews - at http://www.trioweb.org/resources/book...
see this and more than a hundred other organ donation/transplant related books - many with my personal reviews - at http://www.trioweb.org/resources/book...
November 2, 2021
Thought provoking. Good advice for doctors and patients and the difference love and caring can make in everyone's life.
May 28, 2008
What a great book!
October 14, 2008
I own this book and its great. The kind you want to read when difficult health situations are part of your family.
October 31, 2011
If you are struggling with how to live normally while undergoing medical treatment, I would recommend this book. I particularly enjoyed Chapters 4, 8 and the conclusion.
February 15, 2023
One of the best books I've read on how to partner with caretakers to have the best health through death and beyond.
Read
May 10, 2018I just marked this as finished because the deeper I got into the book, the more I realized that I was not actually going to get any information about improving my health. Too bad there isn't a "I gave up on this book button."
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews