Women's Infidelity: Living In Limbo: What Women Really Mean When They Say "I'm Not Happy"

by Michelle Langley

Is infidelity women’s best kept secret? Given that women initiate 70 to 75% of all divorces, is this secret the catalyst that prompts them to pursue separations and divorces, many under the guise of “searching for self?” How many of these women were happily married prior to their affairs? Are men being divorced by their wives without ever knowing about their wives' extramarital sexual relationships? Women’s Infidelity discusses these and other wide-ranging, but interrelated, topics that help explain the difficulty women have with marriage and long-term fidelity.

Genres: Psychology, Relationships, Self Help, Nonfiction, Sociology

200 pages, Paperback

First published June 1, 2005

Reviews

[Lori · Rating 4 out of 5]

The topics of monogamy and (in)fidelity (sexual or emotional), as well as how they are different for men and women, have really interested me ever since I read The Bitch in the House. Regardless of what type of relationship you're in, regardless of whether you've experienced the situations the author describes (on either end), I think there are about to be "a-ha!" moments in here. I don't completely buy all the evolution-based explanations of why some people seek fulfillment outside their partnerships, namely, that women want sperm and men want to give it to them, since I think that the emotional and logical parts of our brains have evolved in such a way as to wield power over baser, more physical instincts. But the author does acknowledge those emotional parts, too... the "high" at the beginning of a relationship (licit or otherwise), for instance, and she compares this to the sensations evoked by certain drugs. This doesn't mean that women "living in limbo" (as she puts it) are sex addicts any more than they are drug addicts, but that individuals can, well, fall in love with the experience of being in love. I don't think she phrases it that way, but that's how I understood it.

Not scientific, almost in the realm of self-help, but insightful and very revealing about women, monogamy, and how all this works in our patriarchal society.

[Conor Rafferty · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent book, the inside track on a taboo subject. Lifts the veil on so many facets of male/female relationships. Everybody should read - don't wait until you NEED to read this book :-)

[Elena · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not married and never cheated when in relationship, but I was interested in the subject of infidelity and came across this book.
I really liked it. It answered some questions I had.
I also talked to a friend of mine who in fact is married, has problems in her marriage and who cheats on her husband. I gave her this book to read and she thanked me later.
She said this book answered all of her questions and her life has finally started making sense because she, being in her 40-ies with a 20 year marriage and 2 kids she didn't understand why suddenly it wasn't enough. She said she thought she was going crazy.
Now she knows why and she knows where its coming from.
Her words not mine.

[Julissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very good description about human sexuality in general. I was very surprised by the information here presented, yet I believe it to be true because of how everything fits together and I can also say it matches what I’ve seen and experienced myself.

I would recommend the book to anyone interested in relationships or in overall human behavior.

[Mohammad · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a man, I am always been curious and also frightened to know why women cheat and what I have to do to prevent this happen to me. I found this fear existed in males for a long time in history and part of INVENTING marriage is due to ensuring that their genes got a chance to pass to next generation.
When I was reading this book, my feeling swings between anger, shock, fear, and more importantly understanding. This book really makes sense. The Cheating Pattern is repetitive and it happens all the times. Men should be aware of female sexuality and also women themselves. Women enter their sexual prime in their 30's and most cheating happen around that time.
Women cheat because they want sex, they want a new experience, their need does not fulfill in marriage and because cheating is exciting. But this creates tremendous pain for their partner. After reading this book you realize it could happen to everyone so be aware and prepared for it.
I learned the worst thing a man could do when he notices his wife is infidel is to try to hold on to marriage desperately. This repels women more and exacerbates the situation. He should stay strong and integrate and make clear demand that she has to choose either she wants to leave or she wants to work on their relationship. Men should have other relationships and close friends to rely on, so they do not break down entirely when they are betrayed.
I realized it is important for men to be aware of women sexuality, and keep their bedroom exciting as much as it is possible. When a relationship is new, novelty creates excitement and sexual momentum. We perceive this as romantic LOVE. But after years sexual boredom and over-familiarity are inevitable. There is another type of love, the type between child and parent, and also between affectionate couples. This kind of love maybe not as thrilling as the previous one but stronger and last longer. So in the long-lasting relationship, orgasm is important but intimacy and non-sexual touching are important too. It won't work out if you leave out either of those.
It is also important to have an open communication line where partner could express their feelings, needs, and fantasies freely without fear and judgment.

The more we become aware of our nature, our behavior seems more reasonable. We are different. monogamy does not suit for everyone. It is a fact and we should deal with it.

[Brooke Jostad · Rating 5 out of 5]

I married young and nothing seemed to be helping me get through all the feelings I was experiencing. I went to therapy and revealed my emotional affair but still felt like something was seriously wrong with me because of my seeming inability to navigate the situation. This book gave me so much clarity and I'm on my way to more solid ground. I would really recommend you read this. We need to face the truth about women's forms of aggression and this book does just that.

[Raechul Mae · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting perspective, but never really addresses why the women are unhappy in the first place. There's an assumption that women cheat just because they are bored and the men are innocent bystanders. Not very helpful in my sexual studies.

[Tom]

My husband cheated on my with his co worker. The reason? I have an IQ of 152

My husband always complimented me on being bright. I loved that about him. He had such pride that his wife is smart and he would tell this to anyone but everything changed about 6 months ago when he insisted that we would take IQ tests. I never done this before because I really don’t care about these things. Anyway I scored 152. He 133. He was in shock and very subdued for several weeks afterwards. I honestly noticed his sudden moodiness and I knew why but it was just too awkward to try and talk to him about it. I didn’t want to embarrass him. What made it worse is that we did the test via his work so his co-workers knew about it.

Things went back to normal after a couple of months. He wasn’t as affectionate anymore and he certainly never brought up my intelligence nor complimented me on it ever, but he was pleasant and happy again.

It turned out he only went back to normal because he started sleeping with a co-worker. I used the services of BLUEHACKANGELS407@GMAIL.COM to have remote access to his phone since he has change the passcod, that was how I found out everything when I saw his friend’s conversation with him. About how he felt turned off by me after the test. He brags about his affair and apparently his friends and brother and all their wives know about it.

It’s so odd because I’m still the same me. I didn’t change and I never take these tests seriously. And he always knew that I was smart what changed now?

I haven’t spoken to him yet about anything. Not sure I will either. Clearly his affair made him feel good about this whole thing again because he’s back to being pleasant to be around. I love my life and I don’t want to change it. Especially when our children are still too young and need us. I just needed to get this off my chest and get some perspective. Why this sudden turn off by me?

I’m 38, he’s 36 children are f6, m4, m3, m&f16months.

Some clarification: If I’m being judged anyway for staying in my marriage I should add this embarrassing detail. We have a prenup, that ends after 10 years of marriage. We’ve been married for 7. I can’t afford raising my children in my own. If I can’t afford it, I could lose custody (not get primary anyway) And if I lose my children I might as well die.

If my husband decides to divorce however. The prenup doesn’t apply.

Edit2: English isn’t my first language, not even my third. That’s why I “write poorly” whatever that means. Not because of the lack of intelligence. I’m guessing the idiot who wrote this comment and the idiots who upvoted them are Americans? In that case I get it! you’re oblivious there’s a whole world outside of your little bubble 😌

The other idiot who didn’t understand that I have twins who are 18 months old😂 I ask you!

[Zac · Rating 3 out of 5]

On the one hand the author delivers some hard truths that most other books on infidelity ignore. She hits the nail on the head for many women in this situation. She uses no euphemism and spares no feelings. This book will be a splash of ice cold water to most who read it.
On the other hand I believe she makes some assertions that anyone who is even interested in saving their marriage would not appreciate. According to her, if the woman in the relationship is checked out emotionally and physically we might as well speed up the process and end it. There isn’t much hope for recovery. Also, while monogamy is not fir everyone she projects that it’s basically for no one. If you catch feelings for someone else than you should pursue it and anyone who judges you is just enforcing the patriarchy.
Overall I’d recommend this o anyone who is struggling with infidelity but I’d balance it with other works as well by someone like Esther Perel or David Buss.

[Virginia · Rating 5 out of 5]

So incredibly helpful for understanding marital relationships. Highly recommend.

[Salad fingers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good read. Interesting....from a woman's point of view.

[Tom Hemry · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think it hit the mark. Too many "oh yeah!" moments not to be. Not a christian book, but set it out straight. I would recommend it for a really good PRE-marital discussion. Anyway.

[Adebayo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Clears up misconceptions about why women cheat and feel like like cheating on their husbands in marriage!!!!It was well written and very informative.

[Tom Webster · Rating 4 out of 5]

really rather interesting

[Kicci · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative and interesting‼️

[Rishnat Khan Choudhury · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent insight into a taboo topic.