All those baby boomers who have embarked on the journey of raising their second and third children have found themselves left in the lurch by existing child care literature. Now child care expert Nancy Samalin, who has earned a reputation for her forgiving and empowering approach to parenting, brings her inspiring outlook to this guide to the pitfalls and rewards of parenting two or more children.
Parents who consider themselves pros after the first child are in for a surprise when the encounter life after the second child is born and beyond. Suddenly their world is an exhausting haze of competing demands, perpetual squabbling, sibling rivalry, complaints of unfairness and "you love him more" (and sometimes you do), unrelenting stress, and a pervasive sense of guilt and inadequacy. Culled from her years of workshops with hundreds of parents, Nancy Samalin shares the trials and joys of parenthood and provides specific advice on steering your way through the parenting rapids. This is a must-read for today's harried parents.
Don't pit your kids against each other all of the time "Lets see who brushes first!" "First one asleep is the winner!" "First one done is the winner" etc etc. We want our kids to be a team, not against each other.
Anger: indulge in the feeling, don't act on it. Don't take your kids negative behaviors be a reflection of their "moral decline" because you don't know the future. Address the issue at hand. Take a Time Out Write a Note
Distraction: "Who wants...."
"Lets take this to the table." (To sit and work it out for a long boring time...hopefully they will learn to say "no thanks, we can work it out on our own)
I was hoping for more advice from this book, however it was mostly filled with "most parents feel..." and short stories of patients. There were several interesting stories many parents can relate to. One in particular: "A mother of two children ages 6 and 2 said - My career and myself went down hill after my second child was born. I couldn't keep up with life and raising a toddler and a baby, too. I long for adult conversations. I long for the feeling of order and quiet." The author said "parental anger is complicated; it's about expectations and disappointments, frustration and guilt. It's about wanting to protect your children from following dangerous paths and discovering that there is so much you can't control. Keep it a daily reminder that happiness is a fickle friend."
Really sound advice on raising siblings so that they love each other and you. My favorite concept? Fair is not equal! That has been so helpful in evaluating and responding lovingly to the needs of my children.
I started this book and the first chapter had me terrified that o was pregnant with another child. Reading the book I thought, oh my god, what have I done to my first born? What have I done to my family? By the end of the book I have a newfound respect for parents of more than one, a renewed excitement for the addition of another child, and hope that I’ll be a better parent with another kid to help teach me.