Make Love Not Porn: Technology's Hardcore Impact on Human Behavior

by Cindy Gallop, Rodger Ruzanka (Illustrator)

Hardcore pornography is becoming so ubiquitous on the web, it is shaping and distorting the way many of today's young men and women think about sex and intimacy. Cindy Gallop discovered this through personal experience. In a bold, honest book, she describes numerous examples of porn-influenced behavior from the hilarious to the disturbing.

"Make Love Not Porn" is part of the new TED Books series. TED Books are short digital books that present a single powerful idea.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Sociology, Education

57 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 22, 2011

Reviews

[Lani · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first saw the TED talk this book came from here. Go watch it first, it's quite short. If you're intrigued, pick up this book.

I'm not a porn viewer myself, but most of my boyfriends have been pretty open about their porn, and I don't object to the idea of pornographic material. But I do worry about the portrayal of women in (mainstream) pornography, which is what I thought this talk and book would target. But that isn't the impact Gallop is talking about, it's much more personal than that. So I was surprised, and startled, by the points made in the talk, and even more so in the book.

I seem to be right in the demographic of women with all of my sexual partners in the 'free internet porn' generation. So almost all of my partners have been influenced by their porn viewing, and I can even recognize some of the 'symptoms' as being more obvious in the men I have slept with who were more into porn than the others. And although I've never objected to the viewing of porn or had to 'pretend he didn't watch it', after reading this book I'm suddenly more aware of how this has impacted my sex life in ways I didn't expect and don't exactly approve of.

Gallop isn't addressing the 'feminist' aspect of porn - how much of it involves the objectification and infantilization of women if not the downright degradation of women. She is noting how some of the 'tropes' in porn - shaved pussy, 'money shots', positions that 'cheat out' for better camera angles - have filtered into the sexual education of porn viewers. And many of the things she notes have been part of my sexual experience since it started despite my lack of much experience with porn myself.

The book opened my eyes and made me cringe in some ways. Not because porn is bad, but because it is the first and often only sexual education that many people my age are receiving. Gallop isn't just talking the "sex ed" we get in school about VDs and pregnancy, but the learning about our own sexual experiences, things that used to be learned together with a partner rather than from an industry with a totally different angle (literally) on sex. It sets expectations about universal preferences and physical appearances, and by doing so, sexual partners don't explore their own preferences since they're following 'norms' presented by the porn they view.

Totally shocking read. There are certainly some flaws, this stuff isn't based on science, it's anecdotal observations. But these are some reasonable points that she makes and both the video and book are quite short and can't accommodate much back and forth on the ideas Gallop presents. The book is also very heteronormative, since it is largely from Gallop's personal experiences, and she acknowledges this flaw. However the premise of the book is the same, and I assume gay porn has many similar tropes that have impacted gay sex practices in the same ways. But despite the flaws, the book starts a discussion which I think is the point.

[Max · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick and easy read that expounds a bit further on Cindy Gallop's 5-minute TED talk of the same name.

Although much of what she says can be found in her speech, this little mini-book does go into a bit more detail.

Recommended for people who enjoyed/were intrigued by the topic of her lecture, which can be watched here.

[Jolien Dirix · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great introduction to the MakeLoveNotPorn website

Great introduction book about Cindy Gallop's project MakeLoveNotPorn. Would recommend it you are not talking about seks, especially if you have a partner.

[Ema · Rating 3 out of 5]

This had some very useful insights, but even so, it was unnecessarily long. But a good read nonetheless.

[Snehil Kesarwani · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good short read on how pornographic content distorts our views on how "making love" is done in real life.

[Geralt Li · Rating 2 out of 5]

this is not a book, it really just a ted talk. it gives me the biggest gain is judging the real world and porn world. and some useful websites.

2022.12.28 1.5h English

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

Review to come...

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a pretty short read that expands on a 5-minute TED Talk about the MakeLoveNotPorn website. Talking about sex can be a taboo subject, so a lot of people learn about sex from porn. Cindy Gallop explains how sex in porn may differ from real sex. Learning about sex from porn may lead to some misconceptions that can be cleared up through open and honest conversations. The book started off strong but had too many long quotes from a variety of people toward the end. Since most men and many women watch porn, I would still recommend this book to practically everyone.

[Henry Le Nav · Rating 4 out of 5]

For as short as this book is, it is quite informative and provides additional insight to how Gallop's web site came to be. Here is Gallop's web site, CAUTION ADULT MATERIAL.

http://makelovenotporn.com/pages/landing

She provides a good, non-judgemental commentary on how porn is not sex ed.

Here is Gallop's short TED Talk on the subject, CAUTION ADULT MATERIAL:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FV8n_E...


If your bedroom repertoire is defined by porn, I would suggest watching Gallop's video, its only 4 minutes long, check out her website, which will take about 5 to 10 minutes. The book has some additional info but the bulk of her message can be found at the two above resources. She is a master at packing a lot of information into a small space.

[Stephen Collins · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short, sharp and interesting expansion of Cindy Gallop's uncomfortable talk at TED 2009.

Like Cindy, I'm pro-porn for those who are interested in it. However, as the father of a teen girl for whom partners (physical and emotional) will become a reality all too soon, I'm interested in helping her understand that fulfilling sexual physicality is based on something other than readily available 'Net porn.

Worth the short read.

[Naomi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Part of TED's e-book series based on their talks, Gallop shares more fully about the work she's doing with her website MakeLoveNotPorn. Comprehensive sex educators and communities who care how a heavy visual diet of hardcore porn changes and challenges us in having meaningful sex lives will want to read this and then go to Gallop's site to learn more, and begin conversations with the ones they love.

[Chaundra · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked up this extended essay after hearing Ms. Gallop talk on Dan Savage's podcast and perusing her site briefly. If you're not familiar with her work then this is a good introduction - merely good as it reads more like an extended piece of marketing rather than any additional exposition of her philosophy or views. You get more (and better) from her website.

[Josh Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly well put. It's engaging and can make a person really think about what they're doing and what they're watching. That's exactly what I expected out of a TED book, and I'm so glad that that is what I got.

[Juliana · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the second TED Books I've read through Kindle. I like the concept of these books--that it expands on a popular TED talk. This one is by Cindy Gallop was a controversial topic. Check it out if you get the chance.

[Liz De Coster · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting, but I wish Gallop had spent more time trying to explore whether her observations about hardcore pornography were just observation bias, or looked for more causal relationships, than relying on anecdotes and correlated stories.

[Kennan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ms. Gallop gets pretty repetitive and self-congratulatory throughout, but the points she makes are valid. A summation: Internet porn has become the default Instruction Book for Sex, and not a particularly quality instruction book it is. Viva convention!

[Silvia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interessante e breve analisi sugli effetti che la cultura pornografia ha avuto nella generazione che ha avuto libero accesso ad internet sin dall'adolescenza.
MakeLoveNotPorn.com

[Eric Castro · Rating 4 out of 5]

Out. Standing. I strongly recommend this for teachers, parents, adolescents, and those 20-somethings already adrift. This book (at least the first four-fifths) should be required reading in conjunction with the Birds-and-the-Bees talk.

[Pamela Day · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick interesting read, great observations on technologies (not so good) impact on our sex lives.

And it is Cindy Gallop - and she is just all kinds of fabulous. II you are not familiar with her, check out her Ted talks and other videos you won't be disappointed.

[Angela · Rating 3 out of 5]

interesting and accurate perspective.

[Cha · Rating 3 out of 5]

Should be required reading for high-school sex ed class.