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White Elephants
Elephant in the middle of the living room. That is one way of explaining how a family walks around the invisible presence of huge problems. Hindsight is what brings the elephant into focus. Somehow, Chynna T. Laird began to see at age five the bulky creature crowding her family. And from that time as the child, Tammy, she took on a sense of responsibility to her mother far beyond expectation for her age. Her mother was different than other mothers. Family life in their household was not pretty. No one seemed to notice. No one did anything about it, and Tammy wanted someone to do just that. As an adult, Tammy took on her first name, Chynna, and took up the challenge to find out what might have helped her mother fight her battle of self-destruction. She couldn't help her mother, but she would consider it worth everything if her family's story helped another.
280 pages, Paperback
First published February 1, 2011
8 people are currently reading
233 people want to read
About the author
Chynna T. Laird
12 books209 followersCHYNNA LAIRD – is a freelance writer and multi award-winning author. Her passion is helping children and families living with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and other special needs. She’s authored two children’s books, two memoirs, a Young Adult novella, a YA paranormal suspense novel, a Contemporary coming-of-age novel and an adult Suspense/Thriller.
Website: www.chynnalairdauthor.ca
Website: www.chynnalairdauthor.ca
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
May 3, 2012
I tend to measure the books I read by what happens when I am not actually reading them. When I set the book down, does it speak to me? Does it push me to pick it back up? Does it suck me in and hold me there and then when the story is over, does it stay with me? To me that is a 5 star book and “White Elephants” was exactly that.
When I started the memoir, I had no idea how the story would go, I was quickly sucked in by Chynna's words and when I had to set the book down to do something else, I quickly came back to it. Even a day after reading the book, memories of her words written still linger in my mind.
Chynna Laird laid it all out on the line, showing us in words the essence of her very dark and stressful upbringing. Chynna gave insight into a world that very few know about and those that have firsthand experience sometimes will not share because of the painful memories associated with it.
The writing of the memoir was excellent. The scenes written graphically enough to show you what needed to be seen, yet not over bearing. Chynna starts out when she is 5 years old and continues on until she is in her thirties. The stories she reveals will tear your heart and make you wish that you could reach into the pages to help.
I applaud Chynna for allowing the painful barriers to come down and for sharing her story. If others could read this, then maybe more people would get the help that they need. Thank you, Chynna for sharing. And thank you for fighting and surviving your past so that you could share your message with everyone. Your story will live inside of me for a long time, and that right there makes your book worth every word written!
When I started the memoir, I had no idea how the story would go, I was quickly sucked in by Chynna's words and when I had to set the book down to do something else, I quickly came back to it. Even a day after reading the book, memories of her words written still linger in my mind.
Chynna Laird laid it all out on the line, showing us in words the essence of her very dark and stressful upbringing. Chynna gave insight into a world that very few know about and those that have firsthand experience sometimes will not share because of the painful memories associated with it.
The writing of the memoir was excellent. The scenes written graphically enough to show you what needed to be seen, yet not over bearing. Chynna starts out when she is 5 years old and continues on until she is in her thirties. The stories she reveals will tear your heart and make you wish that you could reach into the pages to help.
I applaud Chynna for allowing the painful barriers to come down and for sharing her story. If others could read this, then maybe more people would get the help that they need. Thank you, Chynna for sharing. And thank you for fighting and surviving your past so that you could share your message with everyone. Your story will live inside of me for a long time, and that right there makes your book worth every word written!
April 23, 2012
White Elephants by Chynna Laird
Published by Eagle Wings Press
ISBN-10: 0982624328
ISBN-13: 978-0982624326
At the request of WOW Tours, a PDF was sent, at no cost to me, for my honest opinion.
Synopsis (from Amazon): Elephant in the middle of the living room. That is one way of explaining how a family walks around the invisible presence of huge problems. Hindsight is what brings the elephant into focus. Somehow, Chynna T. Laird began to see at age five the bulky creature crowding her family. And from that time as the child, Tammy, she took on a sense of responsibility to her mother far beyond expectation for her age. Her mother was different than other mothers. Family life in their household was not pretty. No one seemed to notice. No one did anything about it, and Tammy wanted someone to do just that. As an adult, Tammy took on her first name, Chynna, and took up the challenge to find out what might have helped her mother fight her battle of self-destruction. She couldn't help her mother, but she would consider it worth everything if her family's story helped another.
My Thoughts and Opinion: An extraordinary read!!! A memoir that was both emotionally disturbing yet inspirational. Chynna Laird, author, penned and shared a very transparent look into her abusive childhood and how she took back her power to become a scarred but forgiving and content adult. Her writing style is exceptional. A book so engrossing that I read it in 2 days because it was the type of book one could not stop reading. A story that HAD to be read, wishing it was fictional due to the trauma that this author had lived. I kept thinking how painful it must have been for her to write this book because she had to revisit so many tormented memories. Her young life living with an alcoholic parent with mental illness that was not treated, cared for improperly by a parent that was not equipped to love, having to be the adult at the age of 8 for her younger siblings and being molested at 12, attempted suicide when she was 15, just to name a few. Her coping mechanisms to get through it all from her own use of drugs and alcohol, cutting, and eating disorder.
As I said, I could not put this book down. Reading the excruciating agony of a child, who felt "trapped and hopeless" was heart wrenching!! Knowing and wanting to help her mother, a child with adult thoughts of "fixing" her mother but not knowing how, riveting!! A story that consumed, captivated, and had me feeling an array of emotions, that at times were overwhelming. As a parent myself, I found myself agonizing for this child. And I also found myself to be so angry with the parent, at times even detesting, but then also realizing that she was a very troubled woman with untreated diseases. As distressing as this story was, it was also inspirational. It was about this battered child, who had lived through in surmountable times but prevailed to become a forgiving, sympathetic, loving adult. A spell binding read!! Poignant and profound!!! Off the chart read!! Touching!! I definitely recommend this book, it will stay with you for many years to come!!!
My Rating: 5+
(2012 Challenges: Ebooks, Off The Shelf, Free Reads, Where Are You, A-Z, 52 in 52, Color Coded, Outdo Yourself, 100+)
August 13, 2011
Everyone knew something was terribly wrong with her mother, but nobody did anything about it …that is until Chynna T. Laird wrote White Elephants.
Chynna T. Laird and I met while I was on my WOW - Women on Writers blog tour last June. She graciously hosted me on her “White Elephants” website and later wrote a review of my memoir, Leaving the Hall On, which she posted on another one of her blogs, “The Gift Blog.” When my tour was over I reached out to Chynna because I realized how much we had in common – most notably, that she and I are both survivors. She survived growing up with an abusive and alcoholic mother as a result of her bipolar disorder, and I survived living with an adult son with bipolar disorder and his suicide as a result of his illness. We both agree how important it is to communicate these kinds of stories in hopes of erasing the stigma of mental illness. Only when the victims as well as their families know the causes and available treatments do we have a chance to save lives.
The meaning of the title of Chynna T. Laird’s heart-wrenching memoir about her life with her bipolar and alcoholic mother, Janet, says it all: “a White Elephant [is something] everyone can see but no one wants to deal with; everyone hopes the problem will just go away on its own.”
Except in Janet’s case, the problem didn’t go away. It became increasingly worse.
Like my son Paul, Janet was a creative genius – so typical of people with bipolar disorder. She was poet and artist, but her greatest gift was music. She earned a living as a piano teacher. And music was the only way she and her daughter, called Tami while she was growing up, could communicate. Tami learned piano and sang in the choir so that she could do something her mother would approve of. Otherwise Janet resented her daughter – she made it clear she never wanted her, and she blamed her for not having the same musical success as her sister who was a renowned opera singer in Canada. From the very beginning and throughout her life, Tami and Janet did not get along.
Tami was only five years old when she realized that something was desperately wrong with her mother – that the reason she and her brother Cam went to stay with their grandparents was not because their mother was on “vacation” but because she was on an alcoholic binge and not capable of caring for them. And as always, after the binge was over, the children went home with their mother and nobody said or did anything to help her. When the grandparents finally got fed up and forced Janet to keep her children home with her, both Tami and Cam went downhill fast. Tami was a witness to many of her mother’s affairs in their home, and at age twelve she was raped by one of Janet’s boyfriends, resulting in Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. Janet never even asked her what happened, calling Tami a tramp in front of the doctor who treated her.
In trying to endure the chaos in her life and home, little or no sleep, and the insecurities of puberty, she began cutting herself at age thirteen – soon after Janet remarried a man as much of a drinker as she was. Janet couldn’t even be contained during her two pregnancies during her second marriage. Tami also drank – she tells about her mother offering her, her first drink at her tenth birthday dinner. Cam, three years younger than Tami, also succumbed to alcohol and drugs. He partied as heavily as their mother and her husband and displayed his ever-increasing anger toward Janet by punching holes into walls and later punching her out. But he didn’t go as far as Tami. She tried to end her life by taking a whole bottle of aspirin. Even then Janet didn’t help her. She called the suicide attempt acting out, so once recovered Tami actually did begin to act out – she became a full-fledged punker.
In her late teens Tami contacted genital warts and later cervical cancer, and finally developed a life-threatening case of anorexia – all because of an abusive and unloving mother who couldn’t get through the day without drinking herself into a stupor. Janet not only caused Tami and Cam to self-destruct, her two younger children still suffer from her drunken abuse of them.
Tami finally began to straighten out her life in her twenties. She lived with her godmother, Auntie Lois, who taught her she had worth as a human being. Later on she lived with her father and although this visit didn’t end successfully, it laid the groundwork for a long-term relationship with the father she hardly saw growing up. Then, needing to return home, she lived with Janet again until she could stand it no longer. When she finally got a job as a legal assistant, she moved into an apartment of her own – never returning to live with her mother again. Tami took control and began building a healthy life with her husband, Steve, three daughters and one son, and a degree in psychology. As an adult she took on her given first name, Chynna, as a symbol of moving forward and added her mother’s birth name, Arlene, to her name. In her mother’s memory, Chynna carries on her efforts to help children and families with Sensory Processing Disorder that affects two of her children. She also is committed to help other families living with bipolar disorder.
Although Chynna’s is a horrendous story, it is also a story of survival. Although she admits that she and her brother, Cam, may never get over what they went through as children and teens, she is finally in a place where she can embrace all that has happened to her. She feels fortunate that it has given her an insight into her own children’s problems. And most important, she lives for now – because tomorrow may never happen.
As author Chynna T. Laird says, “Janet Batty [her mother] was a person with mental illness. It doesn’t excuse the things she did or erase the damage done as a result of some of her bad choices. But her story can help others. It might give strength to those who see a mother, sister, daughter, lover, wife, best friend, teacher or acquaintance in need.”
Chynna T. Laird and I met while I was on my WOW - Women on Writers blog tour last June. She graciously hosted me on her “White Elephants” website and later wrote a review of my memoir, Leaving the Hall On, which she posted on another one of her blogs, “The Gift Blog.” When my tour was over I reached out to Chynna because I realized how much we had in common – most notably, that she and I are both survivors. She survived growing up with an abusive and alcoholic mother as a result of her bipolar disorder, and I survived living with an adult son with bipolar disorder and his suicide as a result of his illness. We both agree how important it is to communicate these kinds of stories in hopes of erasing the stigma of mental illness. Only when the victims as well as their families know the causes and available treatments do we have a chance to save lives.
The meaning of the title of Chynna T. Laird’s heart-wrenching memoir about her life with her bipolar and alcoholic mother, Janet, says it all: “a White Elephant [is something] everyone can see but no one wants to deal with; everyone hopes the problem will just go away on its own.”
Except in Janet’s case, the problem didn’t go away. It became increasingly worse.
Like my son Paul, Janet was a creative genius – so typical of people with bipolar disorder. She was poet and artist, but her greatest gift was music. She earned a living as a piano teacher. And music was the only way she and her daughter, called Tami while she was growing up, could communicate. Tami learned piano and sang in the choir so that she could do something her mother would approve of. Otherwise Janet resented her daughter – she made it clear she never wanted her, and she blamed her for not having the same musical success as her sister who was a renowned opera singer in Canada. From the very beginning and throughout her life, Tami and Janet did not get along.
Tami was only five years old when she realized that something was desperately wrong with her mother – that the reason she and her brother Cam went to stay with their grandparents was not because their mother was on “vacation” but because she was on an alcoholic binge and not capable of caring for them. And as always, after the binge was over, the children went home with their mother and nobody said or did anything to help her. When the grandparents finally got fed up and forced Janet to keep her children home with her, both Tami and Cam went downhill fast. Tami was a witness to many of her mother’s affairs in their home, and at age twelve she was raped by one of Janet’s boyfriends, resulting in Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. Janet never even asked her what happened, calling Tami a tramp in front of the doctor who treated her.
In trying to endure the chaos in her life and home, little or no sleep, and the insecurities of puberty, she began cutting herself at age thirteen – soon after Janet remarried a man as much of a drinker as she was. Janet couldn’t even be contained during her two pregnancies during her second marriage. Tami also drank – she tells about her mother offering her, her first drink at her tenth birthday dinner. Cam, three years younger than Tami, also succumbed to alcohol and drugs. He partied as heavily as their mother and her husband and displayed his ever-increasing anger toward Janet by punching holes into walls and later punching her out. But he didn’t go as far as Tami. She tried to end her life by taking a whole bottle of aspirin. Even then Janet didn’t help her. She called the suicide attempt acting out, so once recovered Tami actually did begin to act out – she became a full-fledged punker.
In her late teens Tami contacted genital warts and later cervical cancer, and finally developed a life-threatening case of anorexia – all because of an abusive and unloving mother who couldn’t get through the day without drinking herself into a stupor. Janet not only caused Tami and Cam to self-destruct, her two younger children still suffer from her drunken abuse of them.
Tami finally began to straighten out her life in her twenties. She lived with her godmother, Auntie Lois, who taught her she had worth as a human being. Later on she lived with her father and although this visit didn’t end successfully, it laid the groundwork for a long-term relationship with the father she hardly saw growing up. Then, needing to return home, she lived with Janet again until she could stand it no longer. When she finally got a job as a legal assistant, she moved into an apartment of her own – never returning to live with her mother again. Tami took control and began building a healthy life with her husband, Steve, three daughters and one son, and a degree in psychology. As an adult she took on her given first name, Chynna, as a symbol of moving forward and added her mother’s birth name, Arlene, to her name. In her mother’s memory, Chynna carries on her efforts to help children and families with Sensory Processing Disorder that affects two of her children. She also is committed to help other families living with bipolar disorder.
Although Chynna’s is a horrendous story, it is also a story of survival. Although she admits that she and her brother, Cam, may never get over what they went through as children and teens, she is finally in a place where she can embrace all that has happened to her. She feels fortunate that it has given her an insight into her own children’s problems. And most important, she lives for now – because tomorrow may never happen.
As author Chynna T. Laird says, “Janet Batty [her mother] was a person with mental illness. It doesn’t excuse the things she did or erase the damage done as a result of some of her bad choices. But her story can help others. It might give strength to those who see a mother, sister, daughter, lover, wife, best friend, teacher or acquaintance in need.”
August 31, 2011
White Elephants is a bittersweet account of a life lived through huge adversities, which sadly, many will be able connect with this all too familiar scenario. Chynna accounts for each phase of her life, the good, bad, and ugly... not only living through and surviving, but learning from and thriving. She lets us peak into her childhood all the way to present day in a no nonsense manner, without diving too far into the bowels of despair, but enough for you to get the picture. As with any child, all she ever wanted was the love and approval from her own mother, which sadly was impossible to receive due to her mother's own demons from which she battled. I connected with Chynna's words and felt her longing for the one thing we all strive for, our mother's approval and love. But the most important message of this memoir is that there IS life beyond our parent's shortcomings...after all, they are here to teach us, and sometimes they teach us through negative actions, showing us how NOT to be! And sometimes we have to give ourselves what we wish we could get from others.
A perfect story that reminds us we all have the capability to 'rise above our raising' and thrive, as in the end we see Chynna morph into the family woman she always desired within her own mother.
I recommend this memoir to anyone that needs to find their way too.
A perfect story that reminds us we all have the capability to 'rise above our raising' and thrive, as in the end we see Chynna morph into the family woman she always desired within her own mother.
I recommend this memoir to anyone that needs to find their way too.
April 22, 2012
The last time I read a memoir this psychologically captivating was This Boy’s Life by Tobias Wolff (which, yes, was made into a movie starring Robert De Niro and a young Leonardo DiCaprio). The image of a white elephant, so precious despite its destructive nature to those caring for it, makes its presence known on every page. Though gut-wrenching and heart-breaking, I felt compelled to keep reading to find out how the author portrayed as the innocent girl standing directly in the elephant’s path had survived.
In an interview with WOW (Women On Writing), Chynna Laird explained how her first draft had been an outpouring of emotions, the greatest of these: anger. I can rightfully see why this would have been the case. However, the final draft, takes on a tone much like listening to a friend. And, it is out of compassion for helping others struggling with a family member suffering from a mental illness that Chynna Laird finds her courage for sharing such a deeply personal account.
In an interview with WOW (Women On Writing), Chynna Laird explained how her first draft had been an outpouring of emotions, the greatest of these: anger. I can rightfully see why this would have been the case. However, the final draft, takes on a tone much like listening to a friend. And, it is out of compassion for helping others struggling with a family member suffering from a mental illness that Chynna Laird finds her courage for sharing such a deeply personal account.
April 20, 2012
I know that no matter what I say here, I can't do the book justice. This is one of the most honest novels that I've ever read. Chynna has laid it all bare for the world to see, the abuse, the struggles, the faiulres, and ultimately her growth. What I took away from her story was that even after everything life through at her, she managed to grow up and put her past aside so that she could have a future. A lot of people get bogged down in the things they've suffered in life, and it prevents them from ever moving forward. This book is a testament to the human spirit. It gives hope that no matter what you have been through, you can find happiness and learn to live. Chynna, thank you so much for sharing your story, you are brave and amazing.
January 27, 2012
Chynna is a brave girl, grown into a brave woman. She tells of survival of a childhood nobody ought to live through, but she did, and thrived. Her mother, alcoholic and bipolar, continually put Chynna and her brother into abusive and neglected situations. Love from extended family failed to stop the trauma. Still it is a journey of hope and love, passing through drug and alcohol abuse as well as eating disorders. You'll never be the same after you read WHITE ELEPHANTS.
March 30, 2019
Candid, Strength, Inspiring and Heartbreaking.
Chynna shares the candid details of what it was like for her and her brother, Cam as they grew up with their mother that was dealing with a mental illness that was never openly discussed or properly diagnosed or effectively treated. The term Bi-polar wasn't fully understood during the time that these events unfolded. More often than not, Bi-polar was often mistaken for depression (lows) or "Crazy" (mania) and either went ignored or medication was prescribed that only made matters worse.
After reading White Elephants, you will have a better understanding as to how Bi-polar doesn't just affect the person suffering from it, but when the illness is not treated, Bi-polar creates havoc for those family members living with them as the never-ending cycle of chaos sucks the happiness out from those that are in close proximity.
Chynna was forced to grow up too quickly as she tried to protect her younger brother from witnessing their mother going through the drunken and often violent episodes. As a child that took on a parental role and doing her best to keep an eye on her mother, she witnessed and experienced things that no child should ever have to deal with, let alone carry such secrets in order to protect her brother and her extended family.
Sadly, this family dynamic is just one of many that sweep things under the rug. Important issues are never talked about, family members constantly enable the person with the taboo problem, so they never really have to be held accountable for their actions. Everyone knows there is a problem, but nobody wants to acknowledge it. What families like this (mine included) fail to see is that when an adult fails to step up, the children are left to deal with the aftermath and suffer the most.
While Chynna didn't make it through unscathed, she was able to pick herself up, dust herself off and turn her life around. Sure there were many life lessons learned the hard way, but in many respects, she's stronger from those experiences and was able to break the cycle for her children.
Chynna shares the candid details of what it was like for her and her brother, Cam as they grew up with their mother that was dealing with a mental illness that was never openly discussed or properly diagnosed or effectively treated. The term Bi-polar wasn't fully understood during the time that these events unfolded. More often than not, Bi-polar was often mistaken for depression (lows) or "Crazy" (mania) and either went ignored or medication was prescribed that only made matters worse.
After reading White Elephants, you will have a better understanding as to how Bi-polar doesn't just affect the person suffering from it, but when the illness is not treated, Bi-polar creates havoc for those family members living with them as the never-ending cycle of chaos sucks the happiness out from those that are in close proximity.
Chynna was forced to grow up too quickly as she tried to protect her younger brother from witnessing their mother going through the drunken and often violent episodes. As a child that took on a parental role and doing her best to keep an eye on her mother, she witnessed and experienced things that no child should ever have to deal with, let alone carry such secrets in order to protect her brother and her extended family.
Sadly, this family dynamic is just one of many that sweep things under the rug. Important issues are never talked about, family members constantly enable the person with the taboo problem, so they never really have to be held accountable for their actions. Everyone knows there is a problem, but nobody wants to acknowledge it. What families like this (mine included) fail to see is that when an adult fails to step up, the children are left to deal with the aftermath and suffer the most.
While Chynna didn't make it through unscathed, she was able to pick herself up, dust herself off and turn her life around. Sure there were many life lessons learned the hard way, but in many respects, she's stronger from those experiences and was able to break the cycle for her children.
December 10, 2011
Honest and Inspiring...A Brave Story of Survival
There are books that resonate with you long after the last page is turned and Chynna Laird's memoir White Elephants is one of them. This brave, bold memoir starts with the author (then called Tami) at age five overhearing her mother say "I don't want them" in a phone conversation with her grandmother. Her mom was on one of her "vacations," which was really an excuse to leave Tami and her brother with their grandparents so she could go on a drunken bender. Hearing those words broke Tami's heart for the first time, and from that day on it seemed she knew she had to protect her younger brother. But that was not an easy task. Tami had to endure more than any child should ever have to.
Tami's mom had a mental illness, and alcohol only fueled the fire. We get our first glimpse into one of her episodes when Tami sees her mom in the living room getting beat up by a neighbor for hitting on her husband. Something she wouldn't have done had she not been drunk. But her alcoholism led to many bad decisions, including the men she allowed into their lives. Tami witnessed her mom's sexual encounters with these men on several occasions and, at the tender age of twelve, was raped by one of her mom's boyfriends, which resulted in Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. When the doctor asked how she could have a condition you couldn't get without sexual contact, her mother said, "Maybe she's just a tramp." I cried when I read this.
For the length of this honest, inspiring memoir, my heart ached for the author. I felt her pain when she read her mother's diary and found out that her mom was suicidal and wished she never had her. I wasn't surprised when she turned to alcohol and cutting herself and even attempted suicide. Her mother's abuse also led Tami to develop an ulcer at age eighteen, and later on a dangerous "coping mechanism" called anorexia. Her brother wasn't much better off either, turning to alcohol and drugs to ease his pain, even though Tami did all she could throughout their childhood to protect him. And although there are many, many tragic events that take place throughout the volume at hand, the author writes in the perfect voice for this tough subject matter, never diving into the depths of despair, which makes White Elephants a highly readable memoir.
White Elephants is a story of survival, strength, and hope. Chynna's story is a testament to the fact that you can rise above the abuse experienced in childhood and become the woman and mother you always wished for. That's what Chynna is today, and so much more. She's a true inspiration and a gifted writer with the courage to step up and tell her heartbreaking story, warts and all, to help other people who may be experiencing the same thing in their lives. I know it's helped me. And I have to say one thing: even though there may have been an elephant in the room that no one seemed to notice, Chynna did all she could as a young lady. It was a different era and therapy wasn't as common as it is today. Now, we have resources. So if you know someone who is suffering, speak up and find help.
I recommend White Elephants to anyone who has experienced alcoholism, mental illness or abuse in the family. You will find comfort and inspiration in this memoir, knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
There are books that resonate with you long after the last page is turned and Chynna Laird's memoir White Elephants is one of them. This brave, bold memoir starts with the author (then called Tami) at age five overhearing her mother say "I don't want them" in a phone conversation with her grandmother. Her mom was on one of her "vacations," which was really an excuse to leave Tami and her brother with their grandparents so she could go on a drunken bender. Hearing those words broke Tami's heart for the first time, and from that day on it seemed she knew she had to protect her younger brother. But that was not an easy task. Tami had to endure more than any child should ever have to.
Tami's mom had a mental illness, and alcohol only fueled the fire. We get our first glimpse into one of her episodes when Tami sees her mom in the living room getting beat up by a neighbor for hitting on her husband. Something she wouldn't have done had she not been drunk. But her alcoholism led to many bad decisions, including the men she allowed into their lives. Tami witnessed her mom's sexual encounters with these men on several occasions and, at the tender age of twelve, was raped by one of her mom's boyfriends, which resulted in Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. When the doctor asked how she could have a condition you couldn't get without sexual contact, her mother said, "Maybe she's just a tramp." I cried when I read this.
For the length of this honest, inspiring memoir, my heart ached for the author. I felt her pain when she read her mother's diary and found out that her mom was suicidal and wished she never had her. I wasn't surprised when she turned to alcohol and cutting herself and even attempted suicide. Her mother's abuse also led Tami to develop an ulcer at age eighteen, and later on a dangerous "coping mechanism" called anorexia. Her brother wasn't much better off either, turning to alcohol and drugs to ease his pain, even though Tami did all she could throughout their childhood to protect him. And although there are many, many tragic events that take place throughout the volume at hand, the author writes in the perfect voice for this tough subject matter, never diving into the depths of despair, which makes White Elephants a highly readable memoir.
White Elephants is a story of survival, strength, and hope. Chynna's story is a testament to the fact that you can rise above the abuse experienced in childhood and become the woman and mother you always wished for. That's what Chynna is today, and so much more. She's a true inspiration and a gifted writer with the courage to step up and tell her heartbreaking story, warts and all, to help other people who may be experiencing the same thing in their lives. I know it's helped me. And I have to say one thing: even though there may have been an elephant in the room that no one seemed to notice, Chynna did all she could as a young lady. It was a different era and therapy wasn't as common as it is today. Now, we have resources. So if you know someone who is suffering, speak up and find help.
I recommend White Elephants to anyone who has experienced alcoholism, mental illness or abuse in the family. You will find comfort and inspiration in this memoir, knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
June 2, 2012
This memoir is an amazing read- I don't give books a full 5 stars very easily, I am a very critical reader, so that really says something!
**Review contains spoilers**
I have multiple close family members through many generations that have suffered with Bi-Polar disorder their entire lives which is what made me take an interest in this book. From the very first chapter I was completely sucked into the Author's world and found myself crying, laughing, and saying to myself "wow, you too huh?" when all too familiar situations Laird had gone through were being described.
What impacted me most was her message of remembering her mother as a person- not a disease. All too often it's easy to forget that. The manic highs and lows start to overshadow the person until they slowly fade away into memories of crazed antics, impossible situations, and irrational thinking.
Her analogy of White Elephants and the descriptions going along with them is absolutely perfect, they are brought through the entire novel with great on clarity why they are there and what they represent for that exact moment in time. Throughout the book there are quotes from multiple sources going along with each chapter. These quotes fit the entire book and each chapter exceptionally well. They were entirely relevant and did not disrupt the flow of the novel at all, instead they added to it greatly.
I also enjoyed how fast paced Laird writes when it comes to telling her story. She doesn't bother with small, complicated details that won't mean anything as the reader progresses-instead she focuses on the meat of what she's writing and allows the reader to envision the environment fully with the important details provided. While reading this memoir I never once felt "stuck" in one place like it was dragging on to long or what I was reading wasn't relevant to the story in any way whatsoever.
The Author also covered many different points of view from her family in the novel, all through her own viewpoint in conversations and events, giving wonderful insight into the roles of extended family members who aid in the issue by refusing to help or excusing the problem away continually.
Laird says she wrote this in hopes that her memoir could help others struggling with the same kinds of issues and prevent another family from going through what hers did. From the way she writes it's very clear she meant it to help anyone dealing with a "White Elephant" in their life, no matter the origin. Facing the beast is difficult, terrifying, and draining but it's only as large as you let it "grow" and this book is perfect 20/20 hindsight on what happens when you don't deal with the problem head on or make any effort to help those innocent victims standing in the path of destruction. Most surprising that I found was the way this memoir ended-positively. Laird made the decision to find forgiveness and rise above the trauma inflicted upon her even though it meant cutting off certain people she loved in order to save herself and future generations of her family.
I cannot recommend this book enough, whether you have experience with Bi-Polar or not, it is still a beautifully written story by a very talented author who has the power to fully shape a world around you.
**Review contains spoilers**
I have multiple close family members through many generations that have suffered with Bi-Polar disorder their entire lives which is what made me take an interest in this book. From the very first chapter I was completely sucked into the Author's world and found myself crying, laughing, and saying to myself "wow, you too huh?" when all too familiar situations Laird had gone through were being described.
What impacted me most was her message of remembering her mother as a person- not a disease. All too often it's easy to forget that. The manic highs and lows start to overshadow the person until they slowly fade away into memories of crazed antics, impossible situations, and irrational thinking.
Her analogy of White Elephants and the descriptions going along with them is absolutely perfect, they are brought through the entire novel with great on clarity why they are there and what they represent for that exact moment in time. Throughout the book there are quotes from multiple sources going along with each chapter. These quotes fit the entire book and each chapter exceptionally well. They were entirely relevant and did not disrupt the flow of the novel at all, instead they added to it greatly.
I also enjoyed how fast paced Laird writes when it comes to telling her story. She doesn't bother with small, complicated details that won't mean anything as the reader progresses-instead she focuses on the meat of what she's writing and allows the reader to envision the environment fully with the important details provided. While reading this memoir I never once felt "stuck" in one place like it was dragging on to long or what I was reading wasn't relevant to the story in any way whatsoever.
The Author also covered many different points of view from her family in the novel, all through her own viewpoint in conversations and events, giving wonderful insight into the roles of extended family members who aid in the issue by refusing to help or excusing the problem away continually.
Laird says she wrote this in hopes that her memoir could help others struggling with the same kinds of issues and prevent another family from going through what hers did. From the way she writes it's very clear she meant it to help anyone dealing with a "White Elephant" in their life, no matter the origin. Facing the beast is difficult, terrifying, and draining but it's only as large as you let it "grow" and this book is perfect 20/20 hindsight on what happens when you don't deal with the problem head on or make any effort to help those innocent victims standing in the path of destruction. Most surprising that I found was the way this memoir ended-positively. Laird made the decision to find forgiveness and rise above the trauma inflicted upon her even though it meant cutting off certain people she loved in order to save herself and future generations of her family.
I cannot recommend this book enough, whether you have experience with Bi-Polar or not, it is still a beautifully written story by a very talented author who has the power to fully shape a world around you.
February 21, 2017
Having lived with Bi-polar relatives for a long time, in my view, this book was disappointing. She told all the sad stories without a deep look into the causes and why's of allowing this behavior to keep happening. She glosses over areas that deserved more looking at and made too many excuses for the drug and alcohol episodes. Again, it's just my opinion. For others it may have been an eye-opening read.
November 17, 2012
White Elephants is an unflinchingly honest and equally compelling tale of the strength it takes to overcome the myriad vicissitudes of mental illness and addiction. A story of damaged mother-love, White Elephants is written with loving kindness while really taking the reader there, into that house, into that room. We see that love, peace and happiness, while not easily achieved, are possible and that life can be what we choose to make it.
September 7, 2016
I know that this book is just the best! Read it, and be prepared to be into the book, and feel all the emotions in it!
January 29, 2017
great book
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