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Innocent Spouse: A Memoir
What would you do if, just weeks after your spouse's sudden death, you found out he was keeping secrets? Big secrets. Secrets that could cost you millions of dollars—and brand you as a criminal. Innocent Spouse is an eye-opening memoir that asks a provocative and disturbing Is it possible to really know and trust someone, even your spouse?
Carol Ross Joynt was a successful television producer in Washington, D.C. Her husband, Howard, owned Nathans, a legendary restaurant in Georgetown. From an outsider’s perspective, Carol and Howard lived a fairy-tale life—spending weekends at their Chesapeake Bay estate, rubbing shoulders with New York’s and Washington’s elite, and raising their beloved son, Spencer. But everything changed with Howard’s sudden death when Spencer was only five years old.
Like any widow, Carol was devastated because she lost the love of her life and her son’s father. But soon Carol had much more to cope with than her grief and new life as a single parent. As she was forced to take over her family’s legal and financial responsibilities, as well as run Howard’s restaurant on her own, Carol discovered that her husband had secrets, and one of them, an almost $3 million debt to the IRS, threatened to derail her entire life. And even though Carol didn’t know anything about the tax fraud—finances had always been Howard's department—no one cared. As his surviving spouse, legally, Carol was responsible.
As Carol picks up the pieces of her fractured life and copes with her sadness and anger, she learns to become something she’d never been self-sufficient. Poignant, eye-opening, and at times heartbreaking, Innocent Spouse is ultimately an inspiring story of strength and newfound independence in the face of loss and betrayal.
Carol Ross Joynt was a successful television producer in Washington, D.C. Her husband, Howard, owned Nathans, a legendary restaurant in Georgetown. From an outsider’s perspective, Carol and Howard lived a fairy-tale life—spending weekends at their Chesapeake Bay estate, rubbing shoulders with New York’s and Washington’s elite, and raising their beloved son, Spencer. But everything changed with Howard’s sudden death when Spencer was only five years old.
Like any widow, Carol was devastated because she lost the love of her life and her son’s father. But soon Carol had much more to cope with than her grief and new life as a single parent. As she was forced to take over her family’s legal and financial responsibilities, as well as run Howard’s restaurant on her own, Carol discovered that her husband had secrets, and one of them, an almost $3 million debt to the IRS, threatened to derail her entire life. And even though Carol didn’t know anything about the tax fraud—finances had always been Howard's department—no one cared. As his surviving spouse, legally, Carol was responsible.
As Carol picks up the pieces of her fractured life and copes with her sadness and anger, she learns to become something she’d never been self-sufficient. Poignant, eye-opening, and at times heartbreaking, Innocent Spouse is ultimately an inspiring story of strength and newfound independence in the face of loss and betrayal.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2011
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313 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 40 reviews
June 12, 2011
Carol Ross Joynt used to be like me. Very rough idea what the family income is, vague knowledge of investments and annuities, no idea how to fill out an IRS return. Like me, she just spent money and let her husband pay the bills.
Unfortunately, her husband Howard, wasn’t as honest as mine. Shortly after he died unexpectedly at age 57 in 1997 she got a call from his lawyers to come to a meeting. She figured she would sign a few papers and find out how much income she and her five-year-old son could expect.
But there would be no income. In fact, there was a debt of some $3,000,000 owed the IRS, who were considering indicting her for criminal tax fraud. Her husband had owned Nathan’s, a very popular Georgetown bar and restaurant, and he had for years been failing to send along to the IRS the payroll taxes he withheld from employees’ pay.
She discovered the restaurant had not paid its way for decades. When her father-in-law was alive he would “lend” Howard a million or two to keep the place afloat. After his death Howard, unable to pay the rent and the vendors, started stealing from the IRS.
And now Carol was in their bullseye. Shocked, she told the lawyers that she had no idea this was happening. “You HAD to have known,” said a savvy young female tax lawyer who no doubt has a firm grasp of her family’s income and financial details. Carol did not, as I do not. Like me she trusted her husband entirely. Unfortunately she trusted a man who was not trustworthy. (I am SO lucky.)
Finding that her lawyers thought her guilty, Carol looked around and found another firm where the lawyers believed in her innocence. They filed for IRS Innocent Spouse relief. To be eligible for this the widow (a woman 99% of the time I’m sure) had to have taken no part in the fraud, to have known nothing of what was being done, and to have benefitted not at all from it. She met the first two criteria, but how could she not have benefitted from Howard’s doings? She thought the restaurant was profitable. She thought Howard’s trust fund from his father’s estate was much more than it was. (I believe her every word. And I can’t imagine what it was like to face this kind of financial nightmare.)
Fortunately the woman is incredibly feisty and so for years she struggled to run Nathan’s legally, get rid of employees who were stealing and otherwise sabotaging the restaurant, bring in new faces who could make changes in the now-decaying restaurant, all the while knowing the gains from her work might go to the IRS and she might not reap a dime from the business except as a paid employee. To keep going she sold their antique furniture, their house on the bay, their boat, their apartment, everything. She managed to get IRS approval to buy a small house for her and her son. And she kept working and she worried.
Meanwhile, she was trying to hold on to her job as a producer for Larry King Live. She was a specialist in “hard gets,” people like Sarah Ferguson, Paul Newman, Donatella Versace, and the pope, people who had for years been saying no to an appearance on Larry King’s show – and every other talk show on TV. (She did get the first three to appear. The pope was more elusive.) As she spent more and more time with her son, trying to keep the restaurant afloat, and dealing with the IRS, her job performance declined. And there is no mercy in TV land.
Read the book to find out how it all turned out, what the IRS decided on her Innocent Spouse appeal, what she was left with when it was all over. And read it for inspiration. Here’s a woman whose world fell apart overnight but who managed to struggle to keep Nathan’s open, to keep her head above water, to remake her TV job, to spend time with her son. And to sail eventually into calm waters.
2011 No 88 Coming soon: Emma, by Jane Austen
Unfortunately, her husband Howard, wasn’t as honest as mine. Shortly after he died unexpectedly at age 57 in 1997 she got a call from his lawyers to come to a meeting. She figured she would sign a few papers and find out how much income she and her five-year-old son could expect.
But there would be no income. In fact, there was a debt of some $3,000,000 owed the IRS, who were considering indicting her for criminal tax fraud. Her husband had owned Nathan’s, a very popular Georgetown bar and restaurant, and he had for years been failing to send along to the IRS the payroll taxes he withheld from employees’ pay.
She discovered the restaurant had not paid its way for decades. When her father-in-law was alive he would “lend” Howard a million or two to keep the place afloat. After his death Howard, unable to pay the rent and the vendors, started stealing from the IRS.
And now Carol was in their bullseye. Shocked, she told the lawyers that she had no idea this was happening. “You HAD to have known,” said a savvy young female tax lawyer who no doubt has a firm grasp of her family’s income and financial details. Carol did not, as I do not. Like me she trusted her husband entirely. Unfortunately she trusted a man who was not trustworthy. (I am SO lucky.)
Finding that her lawyers thought her guilty, Carol looked around and found another firm where the lawyers believed in her innocence. They filed for IRS Innocent Spouse relief. To be eligible for this the widow (a woman 99% of the time I’m sure) had to have taken no part in the fraud, to have known nothing of what was being done, and to have benefitted not at all from it. She met the first two criteria, but how could she not have benefitted from Howard’s doings? She thought the restaurant was profitable. She thought Howard’s trust fund from his father’s estate was much more than it was. (I believe her every word. And I can’t imagine what it was like to face this kind of financial nightmare.)
Fortunately the woman is incredibly feisty and so for years she struggled to run Nathan’s legally, get rid of employees who were stealing and otherwise sabotaging the restaurant, bring in new faces who could make changes in the now-decaying restaurant, all the while knowing the gains from her work might go to the IRS and she might not reap a dime from the business except as a paid employee. To keep going she sold their antique furniture, their house on the bay, their boat, their apartment, everything. She managed to get IRS approval to buy a small house for her and her son. And she kept working and she worried.
Meanwhile, she was trying to hold on to her job as a producer for Larry King Live. She was a specialist in “hard gets,” people like Sarah Ferguson, Paul Newman, Donatella Versace, and the pope, people who had for years been saying no to an appearance on Larry King’s show – and every other talk show on TV. (She did get the first three to appear. The pope was more elusive.) As she spent more and more time with her son, trying to keep the restaurant afloat, and dealing with the IRS, her job performance declined. And there is no mercy in TV land.
Read the book to find out how it all turned out, what the IRS decided on her Innocent Spouse appeal, what she was left with when it was all over. And read it for inspiration. Here’s a woman whose world fell apart overnight but who managed to struggle to keep Nathan’s open, to keep her head above water, to remake her TV job, to spend time with her son. And to sail eventually into calm waters.
2011 No 88 Coming soon: Emma, by Jane Austen
August 12, 2016
I know I am supposed to feel sympathy for the writer, and I did initially, when she was writing about the shock of being a widow. But after I while I found myself getting annoyed at her haplessness. She constantly made odd and not very wise choices, and it went on for years. After a while I found her cluelessness about people very aggravating, especially as she described the bad choices she made about her son as the years went on. I simply do not understand bright and competent people who choose to be clueless. The fog of grief made it make sense at first, but the total passivity she displayed over and over again became almost intolerable. When you get right down to it, she was in the top tier of privilege..live-in help, private schools, expensive clothes, etc. Had she lost everything, it would have been sad but then she would have been like most other people- a single mom relying on day care and living in a reasonably priced apartment while commuting to her full time job at which she would have had to perform or get fired. I think she lost me with her need to buy a house, avoid DC public schools, and keep her top tier job without really performing. At some point, her sense of poor me as she continued a version of her high-flying life got under my skin. So while the back story- young trophy wife to an older con man- is compelling, the author in the end reveals too much about herself and her own foibles for one to be sympathetic at all. It's well written enough, but seems as if I am still reading about a woman who has not yet matured. she never seems to understand how very very privileged she was and is.
September 9, 2011
This was enthusiastically recommended to me by a friend and I took it with me on a long airplane trip. I was disappointed; too long, too repetitive and rather self-serving, I thought. The bare facts of the story are fascinating: the author was widowed in her 40s and her adored husband was revealed to be hugely dishonest and manipulative. Like another reviewer, I would have liked to know more about the IRS process of deciding she was an "innocent spouse", rather than what she wore to the various meetings with her lawyers. The constant name-dropping was, after the first couple of times, really irritating. One can appreciate her grit and determination to make a life for herself and her son, but there were too many details about the fluff and too few about the meat, and the writing itself was rather mediocre.
August 4, 2011
Finally done. This is an interesting story, but it could have been told in about 1/3rd the pages. It's overwritten and repetitive. We get it - you owed the IRS money. Wrap it up lady!
ps. I don't believe for one second that she didn't know the drinking age is 21. And I also think she exaggerated many of the things her child said. Five yr olds don't speak that way.
ps. I don't believe for one second that she didn't know the drinking age is 21. And I also think she exaggerated many of the things her child said. Five yr olds don't speak that way.
September 22, 2011
Married a liar to live the better life. Got out of a 3 million dollar debt her husband created....and still living the high life...with no job, no health insurance and blown through her book money. Lesson learned? I think not.
August 23, 2011
An author with a great desire to drop names and appeal for sympathy. She just didn't cut it for me. She is left a widow at age 47 and quickly discovers the wealth she thought her husband had amassed was really an IRS case for tax fraud and deceit. She then describes her husband as a rascal and his legal problems as shenanigans. Really? She herself worked as a newscaster, for Larry King, Walter Cronkite, David Brinkley and Chris Matthews, to name a few, and yet proclaimed to be such an innocent. In fact though, the IRS did eventually claim her to be 'innocent spouse', which left her off the hook for much of the debt. I guess she didn't sell her innocence well enough for me. I found the story she told of Walter Cronkite to be most unbelievable. Hmmmm, didn't like the book!
June 6, 2011
I eagerly waited to get Innocent Spouse by DC's own, Carol Joynt. It's the story of her discovery of her late husband's deceptions and financial problems after his death. Carol's late husband, Howard, was the owner of the legendary DC bar, Nathan's. Howard was a friend and Nathan's was the place to be in Georgetown for years. The book, which was excerpted in Vogue last month, was touching, sad, uplifting and funny. Many passages were hard to read having known Howard for many years myself. But Carol grappled with his complicated and difficult legacy while honoring his memory. I loved this book. Check it out.
Read
December 18, 2012This book was fascinating. Her husband dies and she finds out that he was a big liar, a cheat by not paying his taxes, and she never really knew who he was. The strong woman had to weed her way through an IRS probe, raising a sad little 5-yr-old son, and run her husbands restaurant/bar, which was in dire financial trouble. Very interesting, loved it.
August 17, 2020
The author's husband dies, leaving her with a ton of bills. Going into it I thought maybe there was more to it than that, that he had died with a bunch of deep dark secrets. The author lived a pretty fancy lifestyle and never questioned where her husband got the money and then was pretty clueless when he suddenly died and she was suddenly responsible for the debt. She just goes on and on talking about all the debt and when she isnt doing that she's talking about her 5 year old son. I guess I was expecting a more intricate story but this is basically it.
February 21, 2020
This was a difficult book to get into. I found some of the memoir interesting but this book failed to capture my full attention.
April 29, 2020
I found this interesting because of the innocent spouse defense.
Read
January 9, 2023True story about the innocent spouse defense.
May 21, 2023
Interesting to see how her husband fooled so many people ( except those who worked for him) but after awhile the tale dragged. Could have been wrapped up sooner.
November 2, 2013
I was drawn to this memoir under the premise that I'd share a kinship with another woman who suddenly reveals a world of deceit in her husband's life, unbeknownst to her. I'm pulled toward authors and books with this theme, because it's consoling to know that there are others out there who have endured what I have, have experienced the same feelings and shock, have survived and lived to tell.
However, this story was a bit different than the adulterous-divorcing tale of so many; the author's husband dies suddenly, leaving behind a massive web of financial lies and tax evasion, that lands on his widow's and young son's lives with unnerving results. Therefore, much of the story recounts what the newly widowed author learned, and how she navigated the leftover financial, legal, and small business mess in the aftermath of her husband's passing.
I felt for her in the themes of deceit and starting over as a single mother, but I struggled to truly resonate with the financial matters, which composed much of the detail. I decided I wasn't into the story enough, and gave up about mid-way.
I did mark some passages in the beginning of the story, which resonated with me more (the shock, the confusion, the unraveling of everything she thought she knew was true).
"I'd begun to exist in two worlds: one where I knew what I had to do and did it; another in which I was spiraling out of control."
"I got through most of the daylight hours in my protective fog. But after Spencer was asleep, after dark when I was alone in the rooms I had shared with Howard, the numbness wore off and I was saturated in sadness."
However, this story was a bit different than the adulterous-divorcing tale of so many; the author's husband dies suddenly, leaving behind a massive web of financial lies and tax evasion, that lands on his widow's and young son's lives with unnerving results. Therefore, much of the story recounts what the newly widowed author learned, and how she navigated the leftover financial, legal, and small business mess in the aftermath of her husband's passing.
I felt for her in the themes of deceit and starting over as a single mother, but I struggled to truly resonate with the financial matters, which composed much of the detail. I decided I wasn't into the story enough, and gave up about mid-way.
I did mark some passages in the beginning of the story, which resonated with me more (the shock, the confusion, the unraveling of everything she thought she knew was true).
"I'd begun to exist in two worlds: one where I knew what I had to do and did it; another in which I was spiraling out of control."
"I got through most of the daylight hours in my protective fog. But after Spencer was asleep, after dark when I was alone in the rooms I had shared with Howard, the numbness wore off and I was saturated in sadness."
May 9, 2012
This book made me cry. Probably because I recently lost my own husband and I am the same age Carol Ross Joynt was when her husband died. Also, like her, my husband was a bit older than me. Thankfully my husband left no big nasty surprises behind. (knock on wood!)
However, I can relate to the emotional roller coaster she experienced after her husband died. And although I can't relate to all of her experiences on a personal level, I can relate to her struggles on a universal level. Most mothers want a peaceful life for their child(ren) and most of us will do what we can to ensure it.
While I might not be faced with trying to keep a large home on the waterfront or keep my daughter in an (expensive) school where she had grown comfortable, I can certainly understand Carol feeling that she needed to do those things, under the circumstances she was faced with.
I was glad that she made it through with all her senses intact and sad that it took her so long to get to a point where she felt close to being whole again. Ten years is a long time...
Honestly, if I had been her, at the point where Walter Cronkite offered marriage, I would have taken him up on it. Anything to get away from the nightmare she was fighting.
If I ever meet her, I will shake her hand and pat her on the back for a job well done. God bless her!
However, I can relate to the emotional roller coaster she experienced after her husband died. And although I can't relate to all of her experiences on a personal level, I can relate to her struggles on a universal level. Most mothers want a peaceful life for their child(ren) and most of us will do what we can to ensure it.
While I might not be faced with trying to keep a large home on the waterfront or keep my daughter in an (expensive) school where she had grown comfortable, I can certainly understand Carol feeling that she needed to do those things, under the circumstances she was faced with.
I was glad that she made it through with all her senses intact and sad that it took her so long to get to a point where she felt close to being whole again. Ten years is a long time...
Honestly, if I had been her, at the point where Walter Cronkite offered marriage, I would have taken him up on it. Anything to get away from the nightmare she was fighting.
If I ever meet her, I will shake her hand and pat her on the back for a job well done. God bless her!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 19, 2013
3.0 stars. It is always interesting to me to see how a woman in this day and age can allow herself to live like a 50s housewife (although with a great job snagging talent for Larry King Live) and then -- as in so many similar stories -- learn that her glamorous life is based on lies, cheating, and deception. For me, the discovery part of the story is predictable, it's the recovery that's of interest.
In this book, the discovery is long, the reaction longer and the recovery with a little less detail than I wanted. What did exactly happen with the IRS? What did happen with the lrest of her love life? Why did she need that weird thing with Paolo (which I didn't really buy anyways)? Why did she keep saying she would never again leave a document unread or a legal explanation unexplained, and then she did just that with her last lawyers? And what is she living on now?
Anyways, I'm glad I read it -- I always learn from the women before me. But it wouldn't be on the top of my list on a desert island.
In this book, the discovery is long, the reaction longer and the recovery with a little less detail than I wanted. What did exactly happen with the IRS? What did happen with the lrest of her love life? Why did she need that weird thing with Paolo (which I didn't really buy anyways)? Why did she keep saying she would never again leave a document unread or a legal explanation unexplained, and then she did just that with her last lawyers? And what is she living on now?
Anyways, I'm glad I read it -- I always learn from the women before me. But it wouldn't be on the top of my list on a desert island.
December 31, 2012
Full disclaimer - I received a free copy of this book through a goodreads giveaway.
To be honest I was interested in this book but wasn't expecting too much. I have an interest in tax law which lead me to entering the giveaway.
I ended up really enjoyed the book. It was very well-written. I cried reading the beginning (especially the part about her son saying goodbye to his father). There were parts in the book where I wasn't the biggest fan of the author or the decisions she made, however I do think she was very honest about the entire situation which in the end made me like her more.
I do agree with one of the reviews that said it was on the long side. It could have been trimmed a bit. There were parts of the story that while they were interesting didn't really seem needed and made the book longer than it needed to be.
All in all, I would recommend the book. It was a very compelling, interesting story.
To be honest I was interested in this book but wasn't expecting too much. I have an interest in tax law which lead me to entering the giveaway.
I ended up really enjoyed the book. It was very well-written. I cried reading the beginning (especially the part about her son saying goodbye to his father). There were parts in the book where I wasn't the biggest fan of the author or the decisions she made, however I do think she was very honest about the entire situation which in the end made me like her more.
I do agree with one of the reviews that said it was on the long side. It could have been trimmed a bit. There were parts of the story that while they were interesting didn't really seem needed and made the book longer than it needed to be.
All in all, I would recommend the book. It was a very compelling, interesting story.
June 15, 2011
Carol Ross Joynt's Twitter bio reads, "Husband died, leaving me w/ 5 yr old son, surprise million $$$ IRS fraud case, his bankrupt saloon & no map..." So I thought I'd read it. She's a good writer and the book held my attention in the week it took to read, but I can't say I liked it. I do believe this 40 something year old woman who wrote for Walter Cronkite at 22 and was a producer for Larry King didn't know what her husband was doing with regard to their money and taxes during their marriage, and I feel sorry for her. He appeared to come from money, he owned a business, it appears the husband actively lied to her. But I don't know that I can recommend the book, however I do recommend looking at the legal documents you sign, and if they are complicated, having a lawyer explain them to you. I know I sound mean.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 15, 2013
A remarkable story of a strong-willed business woman who didn't know she was. No doubt due to her journalism background, Joynt is a fantastic writer who weaves together her story of love and betrayal set in one of my favorite cities, DC.
Nathans was the backdrop of many a stroll I've taken through Georgetown in my younger days. What an awesome gift to now know it's history. Besides Joynt's life story (a large part of it anyhow) it's an inspirational story of a woman's strength and ability to persevere.
A great read!
I received this book for free in exchange for an honest review.
Nathans was the backdrop of many a stroll I've taken through Georgetown in my younger days. What an awesome gift to now know it's history. Besides Joynt's life story (a large part of it anyhow) it's an inspirational story of a woman's strength and ability to persevere.
A great read!
I received this book for free in exchange for an honest review.
August 19, 2011
Could have been more "tightly" written. Didn't need to read the last 100 pages either. Much of the book was the author feeling sorry for herself. Not a lot of talk about the IRS process, either, even though that was kinda the crux of the book. I don't think she learned her lesson in the end, either - she kept relying on someone else to do the dirty work, even when she said wouldn't let it happen again.
February 17, 2013
As a novel, I would have rated this book a 3.5, maybe even a 4. It read well.
However, I feel it is lacking in authenticity as a memoir. I only gave it a 3 - and that was a bit of a stretch for me.
It is difficult for me to understand how an intelligent woman could be SO unaware. This may, of course, be due to the fact that my place in life is on a totally different level than Joynt's.
However, I feel it is lacking in authenticity as a memoir. I only gave it a 3 - and that was a bit of a stretch for me.
It is difficult for me to understand how an intelligent woman could be SO unaware. This may, of course, be due to the fact that my place in life is on a totally different level than Joynt's.
June 12, 2015
Perhaps for readers familiar with Eastern elite lifestyle this would be more interesting than for flatlanders; the personal problems encountered by the author upon her restauranteur husband's death are just boring after a few chapters. I only skimmed the last half of the book, which might have been better as a magazine-length telling.
June 3, 2011
I have a friend who says the situation described in this book is more common than I might think. However, there is something that just doesn't ring "true". The moral though, for anyone, is know what you are signing and NEVER not know what your spouse is up to financially.
February 12, 2013
3 1/2 stars, i read this book all at once. could not put it down, my book club chose this and i was not too excited to read it. i was wrong. ross lays it all on the line, good and bad, victories and defeats. fascinating retelling of her ordeal
February 19, 2014
Super book! I liked everything about it (except that she had to go through what she did in the first place), including her writing style, grit, positiveness, realness, openness, and humility. An amazing woman!
November 7, 2014
Husband dies and leaves behind huge debts.
Owned Nathan's Restaurant in D.C.
Investigation by IRS.
She knew nothing.
Her story managing and finally losing Nathan's. All local setting - Georgetown.
She whines a lot and repeats herself but she got strong and made it.
OK.
Owned Nathan's Restaurant in D.C.
Investigation by IRS.
She knew nothing.
Her story managing and finally losing Nathan's. All local setting - Georgetown.
She whines a lot and repeats herself but she got strong and made it.
OK.
May 21, 2016
I was looking for a book about a woman overcoming tough life circumstances and emerging with hard-won life lessons... I first picked up The Bag Lady Papers, which just left me rolling my eyes. I'm still only partway through this book but find it a much more compelling story.
June 23, 2011
This was hard to put down. Carol is someone I could be friends with - she is honest and has a good heart and does not give up. I enjoyed this book.
August 1, 2011
Okay, I KNOW it was an unproofed ARC that I read, but I could not forgive the author for stating that Wilson from Castaway was a soccer ball. No.
September 19, 2011
more like 3.5 stars, a pretty interesting read.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 40 reviews