There's a Good Girl: Gender Stereotyping in the First Three Years of Life: A Diary

by Marianne Grabrucker

First published ten years ago and now available with a new afterword by the author and her daughter, the diary of the author's first three years of motherhood, which charts her attempts to raise her daughter in a non-sexist way.

Genres: Feminism, Nonfiction, Gender, Parenting, Memoir, Research, Sociology

176 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1985

Reviews

[Dana · Rating 5 out of 5]

In just those three first years of life, there's everything. Male interrupting, male violence, male derrogatory comments, ignorance, stealing ideas.. in short, dominance. And, of course, the "female" opposites of it. But, that's not all. This book is too good and too complex to review. Just, read it, be amazed and have your worldview changed. And - sexist advertisements matter! And - don't make little girls into your own toys for hugging.

[Geraldine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I remembered as I was reading this that I read it when my daughter was little and bits of it had stayed in my memory after all these years. It's quite an old book - 1988 - but still really relevant (I'm pretty sure the situation has barely improved). There are a few comments that jar nowadays tho' e.g. a reference to her daughter being given an ivory necklace. I also suppose if I wanted to be picky that her observations are based only on her toddler daughter - the author doesn't have a son.
One bit that amazed me was a test she does trying to not always give way to men when walking along busy streets. "If a woman doesn't there is invariably a collision". Nearly 30 years later I've tried this experiment and the result is exactly the same.

[Emer O'Toole · Rating 5 out of 5]

An essential feminist classic for anyone trying to understand the nature and nurture debate. Especially interesting for me because I was born at around the same time as Grabucker's daughter Anneli, and can imagine that my gendered conditioning was very similar to hers.

[Sian Griffiths · Rating 5 out of 5]

An easy, unpatronising, interesting read. No surprises but as its 30 years old and told from a German perspective it highlights how little has changed and in some ways how life has got worse for each gender and those inbetween. Possibly, it demonstrates we are in a state (literally) of flux and confusion and this will have to come to some sort of climax before we can move on. I think the onus is on boys/men to change but this cannot happen without them being developed very differently and for society to radically change their expectations of how ‘men’ should be.

[Lilac · Rating 5 out of 5]

A diary of the first few years of a daughter's life with an eye to what gender messages she gets, and internalizes.

I absolutely loved this book, but I also read it while living in Norway for a semester. Living somewhere I dn't really know the language makes anything in english much more lovable (though I think this was a german book in translation.)

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

In diary format, which makes it a little slow and repetitive and less reflective than a memoir could have been. However, There's a Good Girl will make you think and crush your soul. It will also remind you of the many ways you've treated children differently according to their perceived gender in the past and will make you behave better in the future.

[Ksenia · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best introductory feminist books. I love reading it with my students

[Marion · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book, I learnt a lot!

[Romcsa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Táto kniha bude vo mne ešte dlho doznievať... Pred čítaním som si myslela, že mi toho ako ne-matke až tak veľa nedá, ale toto nie je kniha o výchove dievčat, toto je kniha o nutnej pre-výchove celej spoločnosti. Naše predsudky, zaužívané postupy a očakávania sú v nás naozaj silno zakorenené a väčšinou si ich ani neuvedomujeme. Len je trochu smutné, že kniha bola napísaná v 80. rokoch a nemyslím, že by sme sa niekam výrazne posunuli.

[Henna]

Thought-provoking.

[Robert Frecer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Zápisky pozorovaného sexizmu pri výchove detí z okolia jednej rodiny v 80. rokoch v Západnom Nemecku. 40% z tých situácií sa už našťastie dnes nedeje (a prídu mi šialené), ďalších 30% sa dá vysvetliť tým, že autorka túto tému neustále pred deťmi riešila, ale zvyšných 30% je stále dosť silné sústo.

Údajne aj pri najlepšej vôli o rodovo neutrálnu výchovu prerazia akési "vrodené" rozdiely medzi pohlaviami. Táto kniha však pomocou často tragikomických pozorovaní ukazuje, že vrodené rozdiely sú tiež vlastne výsledkom vplyvu rodičov a okolia. Dosť vtipne napísané.

[Gwen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting stuff. About what you'd expect, sadly - but given it was written in the early 80s, I do think that there have been some improvements.

[Jo]

As I recall this was very interesting.