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372 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published March 1, 1996
I think Sebastién is full of Must's and Ought's. I think sometimes I focus on all I ought to be, and must be, and forget to be myself. That is what I've drawn on for him. Sebastién's story to me was the story of a man discovering who he is – what he really wants in life – what truly gives him pleasure as a particular individual, what makes his life richer, and what is really just distractions, trivia: the story of a man becoming himself. In a sense, all my stories are about this. Usually the hero/heroine represent some piece of difficult growth in the other, a painful/pleasurable step into maturity. Or maturity as I see it and am trying to claim it for myself.
In fact, I also used it [a plot with drugs/addiction] in Dance -- Sebastién's wife dies of an overdose of what is most likely heroin, another Victorian horror that claimed women in particular. The book that did rock a few boats, though, was Bliss, but I always take exception to implications of an addiction theme in the book.
Bliss was, for me, a story of reclaiming oneself, of taking full possession of one's life -- for both protagonists -- i.e., becoming an adult. The ether -- because I remember the strong, sweet smell from when I was six and had my tonsils out -- seemed a good metaphor for the sweet, destructive ease of dependence: of being a child forever. It was never a story about drugs for me.
In fact, ether isn't physically addictive, which was another reason I chose it. Moreover, it was historical fact -- Guy de Maupassant and his ballerina girl friend used to throw parties where they served strawberries soaked in ether. Whole villages in England drank it to get around alcohol taxes. It was just an interesting historical quirk to me.
Anyway, I've said all this a thousand times. I made a point in the book that ether wasn't physically addictive -- talked about it, showed, I thought, how physically easy it was for Nardi simply to stop it. But obviously no one hears me. Either my viewpoint doesn't hold water [grins], or else my voice just can't out-shout our culture's preoccupation with drugs.
Nardi was dependent on his family, a family who lived off him, smothered him -- anesthetized him -- with their love. It's the story, for me at least, of healthy love vs. controlling, unhealthy attachment, which Nardi, I thought, overcame heroically.