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Brother & Sister
Nathalie and David have been good and dutiful children to their parents, and now, grown-up, with their own families, they are still close to one another. Brother and sister.
Except that they aren't - brother and sister that is.They were both adopted, when their loving parents, found that they couldn't have children themselves. And up until now it's never mattered.
But suddenly, Nathalie discovers a deep need to trace her birth parents and is insisting that David makes the same journey. And through this, both learn one of the hardest lessons of all, that sometimes, the answers to who we are and where we come from can be more difficult than the questions ...
Except that they aren't - brother and sister that is.They were both adopted, when their loving parents, found that they couldn't have children themselves. And up until now it's never mattered.
But suddenly, Nathalie discovers a deep need to trace her birth parents and is insisting that David makes the same journey. And through this, both learn one of the hardest lessons of all, that sometimes, the answers to who we are and where we come from can be more difficult than the questions ...
First published January 1, 2004
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About the author
Joanna Trollope
134 books608 followersJoanna Trollope Potter Curteis (aka Caroline Harvey)
Joanna Trollope was born on 9 December 1943 in her grandfather's rectory in Minchinhampton, Gloucestershire, England, daughter of Rosemary Hodson and Arthur George Cecil Trollope. She is the eldest of three siblings. She is a fifth-generation niece of the Victorian novelist Anthony Trollope and is a cousin of the writer and broadcaster James Trollope. She was educated at Reigate County School for Girls followed by St Hugh's College, Oxford. On 14 May 1966, she married the banker David Roger William Potter, they had two daughters, Antonia and Louise, and on 1983 they divorced. In 1985, she remarried to the television dramatist Ian Curteis, and became the stepmother of two stepsons; they divorced in 2001.
From 1965 to 1967, she worked at the Foreign Office. From 1967 to 1979, she was employed in a number of teaching posts before she became a writer full-time in 1980. Her novel Parson Harding's Daughter won in 1980 the Romantic Novel of the Year Award by the Romantic Novelists' Association.
Joanna Trollope was born on 9 December 1943 in her grandfather's rectory in Minchinhampton, Gloucestershire, England, daughter of Rosemary Hodson and Arthur George Cecil Trollope. She is the eldest of three siblings. She is a fifth-generation niece of the Victorian novelist Anthony Trollope and is a cousin of the writer and broadcaster James Trollope. She was educated at Reigate County School for Girls followed by St Hugh's College, Oxford. On 14 May 1966, she married the banker David Roger William Potter, they had two daughters, Antonia and Louise, and on 1983 they divorced. In 1985, she remarried to the television dramatist Ian Curteis, and became the stepmother of two stepsons; they divorced in 2001.
From 1965 to 1967, she worked at the Foreign Office. From 1967 to 1979, she was employed in a number of teaching posts before she became a writer full-time in 1980. Her novel Parson Harding's Daughter won in 1980 the Romantic Novel of the Year Award by the Romantic Novelists' Association.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 204 reviews
November 30, 2009
Precis: Two children adopted into the same family attempt to find their birth family. Tears and happiness await.
I have read too much Trollope. I can honestly say that I have met many of the characters in this book before in Trollope’s other books, and that they are behaving the same now as they did then. I know that most of the marriages will be undergoing power struggles, with the people in it unhealthily dependant on each other. I know that some of the adult children will be incapable of living independently, and will unfairly blame their parents for anything that fails in their own lives, blame unflinchingly accepted by at least one parent who accepts that they have in some way let that child down.
Personally my childhood was much harder than any described in any of Trollope’s books, and I have never attacked my parents over that, nor given responsibility to anyone for my mistakes, and really dislike reading about the soppy beggars who cannot get their act together.
Saying all that, Trollope writes well, sometimes beautifully, and one character I had not met before, in any book, was Polly – an enchanting, spoiled 5 year old. However, it’s not enough. I have read all of the Trollope books that I bought, and shall not read any more.
********************
Thinking it over, the most annoying thing for me about Trollope's novels is how tidy they are. Everyone is aware of the source of their moods, or actions. People communicate freely and clearly. Life is much more muddled than this, much more confused,. People are much more helpless in real life.
I have read too much Trollope. I can honestly say that I have met many of the characters in this book before in Trollope’s other books, and that they are behaving the same now as they did then. I know that most of the marriages will be undergoing power struggles, with the people in it unhealthily dependant on each other. I know that some of the adult children will be incapable of living independently, and will unfairly blame their parents for anything that fails in their own lives, blame unflinchingly accepted by at least one parent who accepts that they have in some way let that child down.
Personally my childhood was much harder than any described in any of Trollope’s books, and I have never attacked my parents over that, nor given responsibility to anyone for my mistakes, and really dislike reading about the soppy beggars who cannot get their act together.
Saying all that, Trollope writes well, sometimes beautifully, and one character I had not met before, in any book, was Polly – an enchanting, spoiled 5 year old. However, it’s not enough. I have read all of the Trollope books that I bought, and shall not read any more.
********************
Thinking it over, the most annoying thing for me about Trollope's novels is how tidy they are. Everyone is aware of the source of their moods, or actions. People communicate freely and clearly. Life is much more muddled than this, much more confused,. People are much more helpless in real life.
August 4, 2014
I have recently found my biological brother after a very long search covering years and I looked very hard to find a book that would help me sort out some of my feelings. I found that not only were there hardly any books on adoptions period, but that the library collection of them was even worse. I finally decided on this one because even though the synopsis was not the same as what I was living, it was still similar.
I really felt like the author nailed it. There were so many times I was reading the book and would think, "That's absolutely true. That happened!" I wish I had made notes to comment on as I can't remember all of them now, but the book was very believable.
[Spoiler alert:]
Towards the end when you learn about Steve's affair (although I have major issues with calling sleeping with a person one time an affair, but regardless), I was stunned. I was totally on Nathalie's side and couldn't believe that he could have cheated on her. And then I realized that when I finally found my brother, we devoted our entire time to each other. My husband had made a comment to me that I shouldn't forget about him, and my brother's wife had gotten upset at the amount of time we were in contact with each other. And that's when I realized that that does happen.
When Betty told Cora that the photo she had of Nathalie was enough and Cora insisted it was not nearly enough, I got it. Having a picture of my brother meant nearly nothing to me. You want to take the relationship further - you want to see what will happen, how this other person turned out.
And then when they did meet, and they found out that they may be blood, but they were two different people, with different lifestyles - another thing spot on. You think you're going to have an instant connection - and some people absolutely do, but for others, you spend a lot of time struggling to regain things (time) that you will never be able to regain.
When I read that Carole's family was leaving for her first visit with David, but that they would be back later, it didn't even dawn on me how detrimental that could be. Until she revealed to David that her husband and sons wanted to meet him. He was stunned and I pictured a "deer in headlights" look upon his face. My brother and I still have not met family beyond spouses because nearly four months in, we still aren't 100% sure about our relationship. Telling your biological son that your husband and others sons are going to meet him that day is such a bad idea - unless you have discussed it first.
Just in these examples, the story is extremely realistic, and I encountered this throughout the book. I am glad that such a book was written and only wish that the number of books available on the topic were greater. Having said that, I think Trollope really did it well.
One issue I had with the book was the ending. It just stopped. I don't expect that everything would be wrapped up all perfectly, but I expected some sort of closure. Some sort of winding down all that the author had started. Second issue is that there were a lot of characters and I often got Daniel and David confused and more than once I had to stop and think about who Steve was because I couldn't remember. Lastly, there was a lot of lead up of the book, but not much of a climax. They each met their mother once and that was it. I have done a lot of research throughout my own journey and found that that's just not accurate. Sure, some people see each other once and never again, but the majority do stay in touch, at least through email or phone calls. The idea that Nathalie and David would meet their mothers once and then the book would end is unrealistic and sloppy. There could have been significantly less build up, and more time spent on developing a relationship (or lack thereof) with their mothers. There was a lot of potential there, but instead it just ended.
I really felt like the author nailed it. There were so many times I was reading the book and would think, "That's absolutely true. That happened!" I wish I had made notes to comment on as I can't remember all of them now, but the book was very believable.
[Spoiler alert:]
Towards the end when you learn about Steve's affair (although I have major issues with calling sleeping with a person one time an affair, but regardless), I was stunned. I was totally on Nathalie's side and couldn't believe that he could have cheated on her. And then I realized that when I finally found my brother, we devoted our entire time to each other. My husband had made a comment to me that I shouldn't forget about him, and my brother's wife had gotten upset at the amount of time we were in contact with each other. And that's when I realized that that does happen.
When Betty told Cora that the photo she had of Nathalie was enough and Cora insisted it was not nearly enough, I got it. Having a picture of my brother meant nearly nothing to me. You want to take the relationship further - you want to see what will happen, how this other person turned out.
And then when they did meet, and they found out that they may be blood, but they were two different people, with different lifestyles - another thing spot on. You think you're going to have an instant connection - and some people absolutely do, but for others, you spend a lot of time struggling to regain things (time) that you will never be able to regain.
When I read that Carole's family was leaving for her first visit with David, but that they would be back later, it didn't even dawn on me how detrimental that could be. Until she revealed to David that her husband and sons wanted to meet him. He was stunned and I pictured a "deer in headlights" look upon his face. My brother and I still have not met family beyond spouses because nearly four months in, we still aren't 100% sure about our relationship. Telling your biological son that your husband and others sons are going to meet him that day is such a bad idea - unless you have discussed it first.
Just in these examples, the story is extremely realistic, and I encountered this throughout the book. I am glad that such a book was written and only wish that the number of books available on the topic were greater. Having said that, I think Trollope really did it well.
One issue I had with the book was the ending. It just stopped. I don't expect that everything would be wrapped up all perfectly, but I expected some sort of closure. Some sort of winding down all that the author had started. Second issue is that there were a lot of characters and I often got Daniel and David confused and more than once I had to stop and think about who Steve was because I couldn't remember. Lastly, there was a lot of lead up of the book, but not much of a climax. They each met their mother once and that was it. I have done a lot of research throughout my own journey and found that that's just not accurate. Sure, some people see each other once and never again, but the majority do stay in touch, at least through email or phone calls. The idea that Nathalie and David would meet their mothers once and then the book would end is unrealistic and sloppy. There could have been significantly less build up, and more time spent on developing a relationship (or lack thereof) with their mothers. There was a lot of potential there, but instead it just ended.
February 16, 2015
Nathalie and David are the adopted children of Ralph and Lynne Dexter. Now in their 30s with families of their own, they decide to search for their birth mothers. It's easy to see why Joanna Trollope is such a well-known writer of domestic dramas. I feel if she were to discover the secret feelings of any of our families and households, she could probably spin a pretty interesting yarn, with the blends of personalities to be found beneath one roof.
I think another of Trollope's trademarks is giving every character a chance to have a scene written from their point of view, including not only Nathalie's five-year-Polly but David's two-year-old Petey. I was once told that authors should limit point of view characters to six at the most. This is definitely not a rule Trollope adheres to. I tried to think of a character in this novel who didn't get a point of view scene, and there were very few. For her, having so many works well. I think this is partly because it shows how our own lives may be impacted by the decisions of people who remain total strangers to us. To give just one example, David's antagonistic half-brother, Martin, never meets Nathalie, but unbeknown to him, it was Nathalie's idea and pressure which brought David into his life. There are many more such as these. It's interesting to think that ripple effects are often taking place in our lives.
It's interesting to see the number of people affected by the decisions of two people to delve into their pasts. The adopted siblings believe it has nothing to do with anyone but them, yet not only their birth families are affected, but their own spouses, children and adopted parents. Their partners, Steve and Marnie, take Nathalie and David by surprise with their reactions. And although it's never stated outright, it seems that neither of them ever forget that Nathalie and David are not really blood siblings at all. There's always an undercurrent of jealousy.
The other thing I noticed is that it's easy to fool ourselves into thinking something we really don't. Nathalie always convinced herself that she found being adopted liberating because she could forge her own path and wasn't bound by expectations based on her bloodline. However, it comes out that she really feels the lack of knowing her background and the hurt from wondering why her birth mother felt the need to give her away.
I was quite satisfied with the conclusions each of the siblings came to when they finally met their biological mothers.
I think another of Trollope's trademarks is giving every character a chance to have a scene written from their point of view, including not only Nathalie's five-year-Polly but David's two-year-old Petey. I was once told that authors should limit point of view characters to six at the most. This is definitely not a rule Trollope adheres to. I tried to think of a character in this novel who didn't get a point of view scene, and there were very few. For her, having so many works well. I think this is partly because it shows how our own lives may be impacted by the decisions of people who remain total strangers to us. To give just one example, David's antagonistic half-brother, Martin, never meets Nathalie, but unbeknown to him, it was Nathalie's idea and pressure which brought David into his life. There are many more such as these. It's interesting to think that ripple effects are often taking place in our lives.
It's interesting to see the number of people affected by the decisions of two people to delve into their pasts. The adopted siblings believe it has nothing to do with anyone but them, yet not only their birth families are affected, but their own spouses, children and adopted parents. Their partners, Steve and Marnie, take Nathalie and David by surprise with their reactions. And although it's never stated outright, it seems that neither of them ever forget that Nathalie and David are not really blood siblings at all. There's always an undercurrent of jealousy.
The other thing I noticed is that it's easy to fool ourselves into thinking something we really don't. Nathalie always convinced herself that she found being adopted liberating because she could forge her own path and wasn't bound by expectations based on her bloodline. However, it comes out that she really feels the lack of knowing her background and the hurt from wondering why her birth mother felt the need to give her away.
I was quite satisfied with the conclusions each of the siblings came to when they finally met their biological mothers.
May 7, 2016
This book on adoption had me wondering.
David and Nathalie were adopted by the same family. They are from different mothers. They know from an early age that they were adopted, and are repeatedly told that they were "chosen". The grow up feeling loved and believing they don't need to know where they came from.
But then, when faced with a genetic condition in her own young child, Nathalie suddenly feels the need to meet her mother, to know more about her. She talks to David and finally they both are in pursuit.
Their adoptive mother finds this decision difficult to handle. She wonders if she will be supplanted by the mothers who weren't there. She feels hurt.
But would she? Apparently she adopted the children during a time when birth mothers' names were kept secret. "Closed" adoptions. But in the years since, adoptions have become increasingly more open, and now it is rare to keep these secrets. What did she feel she had to protect? Would such a mother really feel threatened? I questioned this assumption. Her relationship with her children was good. There was no reason to think it would not remain so.
More believable to me was the brother and sister suddenly realizing that they do want to know. They have been pushing down this interest all their lives. What I could understand is resentment against their parents for their insistence that they don't need to know.
Obviously, the book made me think about different adoption experiences. I have read several books featuring adoption, including the biography of Steve Jobs, in which Jobs insists he always felt a hole, like he was missing something. I wondered if that were really true or a way to attract attention, but now I wonder, is this a common experience?
For me, a book that makes me think is worth something.
David and Nathalie were adopted by the same family. They are from different mothers. They know from an early age that they were adopted, and are repeatedly told that they were "chosen". The grow up feeling loved and believing they don't need to know where they came from.
But then, when faced with a genetic condition in her own young child, Nathalie suddenly feels the need to meet her mother, to know more about her. She talks to David and finally they both are in pursuit.
Their adoptive mother finds this decision difficult to handle. She wonders if she will be supplanted by the mothers who weren't there. She feels hurt.
But would she? Apparently she adopted the children during a time when birth mothers' names were kept secret. "Closed" adoptions. But in the years since, adoptions have become increasingly more open, and now it is rare to keep these secrets. What did she feel she had to protect? Would such a mother really feel threatened? I questioned this assumption. Her relationship with her children was good. There was no reason to think it would not remain so.
More believable to me was the brother and sister suddenly realizing that they do want to know. They have been pushing down this interest all their lives. What I could understand is resentment against their parents for their insistence that they don't need to know.
Obviously, the book made me think about different adoption experiences. I have read several books featuring adoption, including the biography of Steve Jobs, in which Jobs insists he always felt a hole, like he was missing something. I wondered if that were really true or a way to attract attention, but now I wonder, is this a common experience?
For me, a book that makes me think is worth something.
June 26, 2016
I’ve come to the conclusion that Joanna Trollope’s entire oeuvre could be collected under the title “The Way We Live Now”. Her characters and their stories/dilemmas have so much resonance that we know these people. They are our colleagues and neighbors and, sometimes, ourselves. They think like us and maybe we would act like them given the same circumstances.
In Brother and Sister Trollope pulls back the curtain on the delicate fabric of adoption. And it is indeed a very fragile fabric which, despite all the loose threads and ragged edges, hides a multitude of shattered dreams, psychic wounds, lost souls, and primal cries.
The brother and sister of the title are not blood relatives but the children of their adoptive parents. When one of them decides she can no longer live behind the masques she hardly even realized she’d created and decides to seek out her birth mother she sets off emotional firestorms in at least five families.
Someone else has written that Trollope’s “domestic tale takes on almost Shakespearean dimensions.” I don’t think that is an exaggeration and I do think that Trollope put all the heart, soul, understanding of the human condition, and literary skill she has into this particular domestic tale.
In Brother and Sister Trollope pulls back the curtain on the delicate fabric of adoption. And it is indeed a very fragile fabric which, despite all the loose threads and ragged edges, hides a multitude of shattered dreams, psychic wounds, lost souls, and primal cries.
The brother and sister of the title are not blood relatives but the children of their adoptive parents. When one of them decides she can no longer live behind the masques she hardly even realized she’d created and decides to seek out her birth mother she sets off emotional firestorms in at least five families.
Someone else has written that Trollope’s “domestic tale takes on almost Shakespearean dimensions.” I don’t think that is an exaggeration and I do think that Trollope put all the heart, soul, understanding of the human condition, and literary skill she has into this particular domestic tale.
June 25, 2008
I happened to be at Sefer ve-Sefel yesterday with some books to sell and was thinking of adding this one to the pile, even though I hadn't finished it. I'm not sure why I decided not to, but this morning I thought, why am I struggling to finish this book when I'm really not enjoying it? And that was when I decided to put it down.
I usually really like Joanna Trollope, so this was a surprise to me. Here too, her writing and characterization were superior to some of the mediocre books I've read; however, I found the pacing exceedingly slow and somehow couldn't relate to the characters' struggle or find it believable.
Why does Nathalie wake up after all this time and decide to search for her birth mother? Although two events appeared to be vague catalysts for this sudden epiphany (her daughter's need for ear surgery and an interview with a graduate student about identity), the dots were not sufficiently connected for me to empathize with the process of coming to this realization. What was even harder for me to understand or empathize with was her need for force her adopted brother to undergo the same journey, despite his strong reluctance. Why? It was never clear to me why she felt this need to force him. And unless he was meant to be a total wimp (in which case, why would I want to read about him?), I couldn't see why he went along with it if he was personally resistant to the idea.
As Joanna began describing the people who will probably turn out to be the birth parents of these adopted people, I saw the potential for a little more interest when they do finally meet. However, I was only halfway through at that point and simply didn't have the patience to plow through another 150 pages.
I usually really like Joanna Trollope, so this was a surprise to me. Here too, her writing and characterization were superior to some of the mediocre books I've read; however, I found the pacing exceedingly slow and somehow couldn't relate to the characters' struggle or find it believable.
Why does Nathalie wake up after all this time and decide to search for her birth mother? Although two events appeared to be vague catalysts for this sudden epiphany (her daughter's need for ear surgery and an interview with a graduate student about identity), the dots were not sufficiently connected for me to empathize with the process of coming to this realization. What was even harder for me to understand or empathize with was her need for force her adopted brother to undergo the same journey, despite his strong reluctance. Why? It was never clear to me why she felt this need to force him. And unless he was meant to be a total wimp (in which case, why would I want to read about him?), I couldn't see why he went along with it if he was personally resistant to the idea.
As Joanna began describing the people who will probably turn out to be the birth parents of these adopted people, I saw the potential for a little more interest when they do finally meet. However, I was only halfway through at that point and simply didn't have the patience to plow through another 150 pages.
January 12, 2009
Nathalie and David are brother and sister, but they are both adopted and have different biological parents. All their lives they have wondered about where they really come from, and now when they both have partners and children of their own, they deside to find out about their pasts and find their biological mothers. This upsetts everybody. Their own families, their adoptive parents, their biological mothers and their families...
Everything feels quite constructed. Every posible problem about adoption and finding your past is included in this book. There are just too many problems and too many touched characters. And none of these charcters get to me. None of them are symphatetic, and many don't even feel like real.
The book was an okay read, but I'm definitely sorry for thet I bought it. It's not worth owning.
I kind of wonder if Joanna Trollope is really a good writer or a crap writer...
Everything feels quite constructed. Every posible problem about adoption and finding your past is included in this book. There are just too many problems and too many touched characters. And none of these charcters get to me. None of them are symphatetic, and many don't even feel like real.
The book was an okay read, but I'm definitely sorry for thet I bought it. It's not worth owning.
I kind of wonder if Joanna Trollope is really a good writer or a crap writer...
February 23, 2009
Usually I love Joanna Trollope's books, but I liked this book less than the others I've read. It's about an adopted brother and sister who feel drawn in adult life to seek out their birth mothers. The story revolves around the emotional effects of this quest, on both of them and on all the people in their families. Somehow the exploration of each person's feelings seemed a bit overdrawn. Especially the feelings of the men! I thought the men in this story emoted way more than actual men would do!
March 15, 2013
I am a dyed-in-the-wool Joanna Trollope fan so if she were to publish her laundry list, I would be thrilled to read it. Brother and Sister was most ably narrated by Lindsay Duncan and did not disappoint at all. There are no great surprises in a Trollope novel, just the lives of ordinary people and how they deal with a bend in their life road. But the way she tells her stories, presents the problems and how her characters deal with their problems has a ring of authenticity that few authors can emulate. A wonderful listen and Lindsay Duncan is an excellent voice actor
February 7, 2017
It was truly just 'okay'. The plot synopsis intrigued me in the store but I had not read any of this authors other books so I decided to grab it at the library and was very glad I did not spend money on it. I did not enjoy the writing style. The characters did not evoke a single emotion in me and I was bored through much of the book.
June 18, 2016
I can't decide if I'm a fan of this author or not. Her books are easy to read, but to be honest, they are not all that exciting. This was about a brother and sister, both adopted separately, who go on a journey to find their own mothers. It passed the time, but not in my top ten, that's for sure.
September 23, 2019
Sadly I found this book dull and the characters' relationships with each other were totally unrealistic. Everyone was too honest and understood each other and themselves too well - even a 12 year old. I don't think I'll be bothering with another book by Joanna Trollope again.
May 17, 2024
2 adopted siblings decide to trace their birth mothers. The various families go on a rollercoaster ride of emotions and consequential behaviours. Whilst it was all quite worthy and understandable, I felt a bit "okaaaay" about it. It didn't help that few of the characters were particularly likeable.
August 15, 2024
It was a good read. The story dealt with adoption and how 2 siblings, from different mothers decide to locate their mothers and the results of it. It also reflects on the family members who have to deal with the decision the siblings made to find them and how it affects them.
September 11, 2024
An interesting take on how adopted siblings’ searches for their birth mothers has an effect on their whole family.
October 19, 2020
This is a story about a brother and sister, both adopted and both who feel that they have missed something in their lives by not knowing their birth mothers. And so the story is about their journey. While I have to say that I am not adopted but have known a few folk who were adopted, I can't begin to believe I know how it would feel to be adopted — but I don't believe that this is it for many.
This book was written in 2004 and we're to believe that the main characters, brother and sister, are in their early to mid-30s. So born about the late 60s/early 70s. Now vaguely, during that period people were still getting pregnant out of wedlock but more and more of them were either getting abortions (legalized in England in 1967-68) or keeping their babies. So while there may have been some residual guilt about getting pregnant, it certainly was nothing to what it was in the good old days of the first half of the 20th century.
And then with the opening of adoption records in the mid-1970s, these two main characters could have easily looked into who their birth parents were when they were young adults — I would have if I was ever going to do it, especially before having children of my own.
This is a long way for me to enter into my review. I did not enjoy the story, I didn't have any empathy for the characters and felt like the story was a bit contrived. I like Joanna Trollope's writing but it almost felt like she was skimming the fat off the milk as she tells this story.
First, the reason given that the daughter, Nathalie, decides to look into her birth mother is just not real — where's the moment when Nathalie realizes that she NEEDS to find out who her mother is and why she was given up for adoption. And Nathalie seemed to be the driving force for both children not looking into their birth and adoption. Frankly, she's a pain, driving her will, her need roughshod over everyone in this book. The brother, David, who had a greater need because he felt that he had been not wanted (Nathalie never voices that as a concern), was dragged into doing it by his sister.
So without much in the way of discussions with their families, Nathalie and David just jump into their search without thinking out how everyone — their children, their partners, their adoptive parents, not even their birth mothers — might feel, and they all have much more realistic reactions to this search, especially the feeling that they are being left out, than the two main characters.
This book is really about how people feel about their place in a family — and I could certainly empathize with the other members of the families' dynamic. But this book ultimately left me dissatisfied; even the ending. These are people (all but Nathalie and David's children — they're just spoiled) who are very needy and frankly, the turnaround would not have happened as quickly as it seemed to happen in this story.
This book was written in 2004 and we're to believe that the main characters, brother and sister, are in their early to mid-30s. So born about the late 60s/early 70s. Now vaguely, during that period people were still getting pregnant out of wedlock but more and more of them were either getting abortions (legalized in England in 1967-68) or keeping their babies. So while there may have been some residual guilt about getting pregnant, it certainly was nothing to what it was in the good old days of the first half of the 20th century.
And then with the opening of adoption records in the mid-1970s, these two main characters could have easily looked into who their birth parents were when they were young adults — I would have if I was ever going to do it, especially before having children of my own.
This is a long way for me to enter into my review. I did not enjoy the story, I didn't have any empathy for the characters and felt like the story was a bit contrived. I like Joanna Trollope's writing but it almost felt like she was skimming the fat off the milk as she tells this story.
First, the reason given that the daughter, Nathalie, decides to look into her birth mother is just not real — where's the moment when Nathalie realizes that she NEEDS to find out who her mother is and why she was given up for adoption. And Nathalie seemed to be the driving force for both children not looking into their birth and adoption. Frankly, she's a pain, driving her will, her need roughshod over everyone in this book. The brother, David, who had a greater need because he felt that he had been not wanted (Nathalie never voices that as a concern), was dragged into doing it by his sister.
So without much in the way of discussions with their families, Nathalie and David just jump into their search without thinking out how everyone — their children, their partners, their adoptive parents, not even their birth mothers — might feel, and they all have much more realistic reactions to this search, especially the feeling that they are being left out, than the two main characters.
This book is really about how people feel about their place in a family — and I could certainly empathize with the other members of the families' dynamic. But this book ultimately left me dissatisfied; even the ending. These are people (all but Nathalie and David's children — they're just spoiled) who are very needy and frankly, the turnaround would not have happened as quickly as it seemed to happen in this story.
September 19, 2017
I usually love Joanna Trollope but found this slightly more heavy-going than I'd expected. The premise is fascinating - the effect on an extended family when two adopted siblings both decide to trace their natural birth mothers at once - and the writing is, as usual, exceptional. However, I found the tone strangely flat. None of the characters seem to get very emotional about anything; instead they have long, reasonable, logical conversations with each other in which nobody shouts, nobody interrupts anybody, nobody throws a plate at the wall and storms out slamming the door on the way, and everybody explains themselves perfectly. Even the children are grown up and articulate, except for the youngest who's so impossible he quite probably needs professional help! In the end it started to feel as though the characters were just mouth pieces for an admittedly important bit of social research. A shame, as with a bit more tension it could have been brilliant.
October 28, 2012
Recommended from my Mom... just got into Chapter 2. I'm having difficulty reading it because of all the asides the author puts in mid-sentence. Sometimes, asides within and aside. It makes me have to re-read without the aside just to figure out what she's trying to say.
Now that I've finished, it was an intriguing read because I've got a friend who is currently going through an adoption and I know they'll be on one side of this conversation in the distant future. I wish them the best as their children go out and search for the biological mothers. I'd rather talk about my friends than this book, which helps explain the 2-star rating.
Now that I've finished, it was an intriguing read because I've got a friend who is currently going through an adoption and I know they'll be on one side of this conversation in the distant future. I wish them the best as their children go out and search for the biological mothers. I'd rather talk about my friends than this book, which helps explain the 2-star rating.
March 2, 2017
Joanna Trollope is my "comfort read". There is something endlessly reassuring about the characters who people a Trollope novel - they're recognisable and usually likeable and redeemable and you can inhabit their story without fear of rude shocks. Some could call it safe reading, or predictable reading if you were searching for pejoratives, but I felt the need of what it offered, and it provided engagement and calm. These are good things.
July 16, 2020
Dithered between two and three stars for this, maybe more of a two and a half. The fact that this is a re-read and I could remember nothing about it probably says it all. Superficially enjoyable, but felt unresolved from the points of view of all the characters. I know real life is messy like that, but for no one to come out happier or better or glad it had happened was a bit of a downer. I like Joanna Trollope, but this is far from being my favourite of her books.
October 13, 2025
This book about adoption was interesting & poignant, full of insight into the complexities involved and told from different viewpoints. But there were a big cast of characters and I found it a bit confusing to follow, needing to back up & reread parts to clarify relationship. Although it revealed many emotional aspects, I found some of the situations unrealistic & the ending unsatisfactory.
It is still very good, and I deliberated for a while on a rating. I'd rate 3.5 stars...
It is still very good, and I deliberated for a while on a rating. I'd rate 3.5 stars...
January 1, 2009
This was somehow not as gripping as JT's other novels, though it had her usual interesting earmarks--realistic, well-rounded characters with secrets that intermesh, and surprising plot twists that work. It's about two adopted adults who look for and find their two very different birth mothers, and the quiet chaos that ensues.
September 24, 2019
I usually like Joanna Trollope but this one was a struggle; i couldnt empathise with any of the characters (in fact I had to keep remembering who was who!) and I got irritated particularly with Nathalie; she really made a meal of it! but I admit I have no experience of adoption or what it feels like to be adopted. i was irritated by Sasha too. And Petey is an appalling child.
July 2, 2010
As usual Trollope is writing about family relationships - this time about an adopted man and woman tracing their parents. It didn't do much for me and I kept wanting to edit out repetition and slovenly sentences, so it only gets two stars I'm afraid.
November 5, 2020
Rather disappointing ending. The book merely scratched the surface of the adopted characters. As I was an adopted child I felt that maybe Joanna Trollope didn't understand the difficulties that we as adopted people endure. Apart from that it was a reasonable story.
April 21, 2012
It was good, but bit deep and complex. Difficult to remember who was who, who was married/involved with who.
April 13, 2020
Well written, but weak at the end
December 9, 2020
This book really dragged one for me and I had to push to finish it. I suppose there's an element of not being able to relate in there but this wasn't a book I'd recommend to somebody else to read.
May 12, 2022
I kept reading as I have always enjoyed her books. Not one of her best and a rather unsatisfactory ending.
December 14, 2024
This story tells the story of two adopted children, both loved and wanted by their adoptive parents, who grow to adulthood, both believing that there was no point in seeking their biological parents.
However, one day a simple doctor's visit jolts one of them into the realisation that that is suddenly no longer the case ... And she persuades her sibling to also search for their respective original parents. This story follows their search, telling of the unexpected and far-reaching consequences and effects on those involved. It reveals secrets and lies, shaking up the steady, straightforward lives of the pair as well as their families and friends.
Joanna Trollope gives the reader insight into the complex relationships and reactions of all to the discoveries that come to light. It is written with characters finely drawn and an understanding of the emotional minefield of adoptees and their families seeking to come to terms with their situations, and hopefully find answers and a sort of resolution to enable them to move on confidently with a more complete knowledge of where they come from.
However, one day a simple doctor's visit jolts one of them into the realisation that that is suddenly no longer the case ... And she persuades her sibling to also search for their respective original parents. This story follows their search, telling of the unexpected and far-reaching consequences and effects on those involved. It reveals secrets and lies, shaking up the steady, straightforward lives of the pair as well as their families and friends.
Joanna Trollope gives the reader insight into the complex relationships and reactions of all to the discoveries that come to light. It is written with characters finely drawn and an understanding of the emotional minefield of adoptees and their families seeking to come to terms with their situations, and hopefully find answers and a sort of resolution to enable them to move on confidently with a more complete knowledge of where they come from.
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